Ampresus

@Sugarcoat The reason I came to this forum is because I know it's my ego that wants this. I don't see myself as a hero or a savior. Instead of assuming I am a macho man trying to square up for my princess, listen to what I am saying. I have been here long enough to know that any form of revenge will not make up for what she experienced. That's why I came here, to ask for alternative solutions. If I cared that much about my image, I would've just gone through with it in the first place. I don't want to lie, hence why I say I have these feelings I feel like expressing violently, but that doesn't mean I think it's the right thing to do. I am conflicted about what the best solution is, not about showing her how much of a man I am.

@Ulax THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. This will be of much value thank you. This was the answer I was looking for. Having been in this community for a while and also having had my fair share of spiritual experiences, I know that whatever revenge I plan will not be enough. I knew there were ways to resolve this with meditation or therapy, I just didn't know how. Thanks a lot man.

@integral I get what you're saying and I told her this as well. The only complaint I have ever made about here is that I wished she'd just grow a backbone. I don't know how I can possibly make this change come to fruition with her though. Usually, Dutch girls are already pretty wild and agressive even if you did nothing wrong. Picking fights with dudes trying to harrass you or pepperspray them or ganging up on him with your friends is normal here. She comes from a different world and I don't know how to make her stand up for herself more. I know I can influence her, but changing a whole human being's beliefs and values is really difficult. This is why I requested advice on this forum. I know there are people here who can see this clearer than me right now.

@Judy2 I get where you're coming from. Please keep in mind that most people will not experience something like this. This forum is mostly white straight men, or in general just men. There is nothing wrong with that, but it does mean they are not exposed to the awful shit some girls go through. Especially if they never had a girlfriend, it is hard for them to imagine a scenario like this. I learnt a lot from my gf. So many times random strangers will just start conversations with her when she's outside on her own. Not even at night, just during plain daytime. Once while she was sitting in a park this random Russian dude sat next to her and start talking for half an hour. It took her signing and nodding to random strangers for help, when another stranger girl politely asked him to fuck off. She says whenever something like this happens, it's never the locals harrassing her but the foreigners. Obviously I'm grateful fot this girl, but how many times is it going to take until some dude wants to do more than just talk? Some girls will go years taking up shit from their bosses, all because they feel helpless. It is a god awful world we live in, and I know by taking revenge for her I won't change that, yet I feel like it's my duty. How can I make her feel safe when I cba to confront this asshole?

@Ulax South African law enforcemet does not work the same way it does in our First World. If this happened here in The Netherlands, that guy would be in serious trouble. My girlfriend could just report it anonymously. She told me he had done this to many other girls there and even has had sex with a girl from 8th grade while he was in 12th grade. Mind you, the girl would have been 12-13 while he would have been 17-18. The environment a country like South Africa creates allows these predators to roam free, especially if they have the money to pay law enforcement off. Fyi, the country is filled with poor slums where crime roams free. Rape is a daily occurence. Everywhere on the societal ladder, people are above the law. I do know though that, like his sister, he is planning to move to the UK for his studies. If his behavior continues there, obviously notifying law enforcement would be the best choice. However, I don't live there. I don't know any people he would study with. There is no way for me to help any of the potential victims he may prey on there.

Are you saying me, and by extent her, should just give in to the pain? Like fully embrace it, no holding back? Would a sage or yogi take this route? Would a stage Turqouise person take this route? I just can't understand how my gf's experience can be part of the holism and non-duality that Leo preaches about. How God made it all this way. Lets say we do this, and I see this guy at the end of the year, what do I do? Do I treat him like friend? Do I let my hatred absorb me everytime I look him in the eyes and not lash out? Do I just let it tear me apart again and again?

@Recursoinominado I'll admit, I can't. I don't have much fighting experience. I am not going to pretend I am rambo or John Wick and can fight my way out of this. Still, it hurts me really bad everytime I think about this. I felt absolutely horrible when she told me this, knowing how desperate and helpless she must have felt. I want to show her that she doesn't have to feel that way with me. That when it's up to me, I'll make sure this guy will regret laying his eyes on her in the first place. I mentioned she's from Cape Town because South African police do not work the same way they do in the First World. They don't bother looking into stuff like this, are afraid of the gangs roaming around the country and even when they prosecute blatant rape, the predator gets a lenient sentence.

Hello everyone. This is truly one of the most desperate times that I have come to this forum for advice. Today, my girlfriend told me one of her deepest secrets. She explained to me how she got played by her best friend's brother. For context, we are almost 5 months together. We confessed our love for each other last month. She is a really sweet and innocent girl. Not one that dares to speak out and can even be a bit of a pushover at times. A people pleaser to a degree. She's from Cape Town, but moved here to Amsterdam at the beginning of 2023. She explained to me how all the teenagers there know each other. Are related to each other to some degree. Back in 8th grade, she used to get text messages from her now bff's brother asking for explicit images. Mind you, they were both 12-13 at the time. She explained how at that time she perceived any attention she got as good attention, including from harmful boys. Because she felt special, she would send him these nudes. He would proceed to ghost her for weeks, only to return and ask the same favor. He even shared explicit images of himself at some point. This kept going for a bit, but eventually died down. She realized he was a player. Then all of a sudden, one day while she's sitting around a big round table with fellow classmates and friends, this prick can't resist the urge. He touches her ass while he is sitting next to her. She was wearing a school uniform skirt. She was starstruck and didn't know what to do, so she just didn't react. He even requested sex from her later, but she managed to sway his mind by claiming to be on her period. She ended up giving head. This was with consent I must admit, but after hearing all this I can't imagine she actually wanted this. After this nothing else came of it. They didn't speak for a while, she befriended his sister in 2021 and thus they'd see each other more. One day, while this class A asshole was having a celebration because he got his pilot diploma, he shouted in the middle of the room "[my gf's name] you won't get anywhere with giving head!". She said she awkardly laughed it off, seeing as everybody else was laughing too, but she felt so ashamed. This only made my blood boil more, as clearly this guy has been bragging about this to his friends for a long time now. She claims that even if she told this story to her bff, she would pick his side over hers. That's how close they are as siblings. In fact, she doesn't think anyone would pick her side, hence why she kept it to herself up until this point. Even her own sister would not take her side according to her. My dilemma: I want to hurt this guy. Pretty damn badly. Like my Red side started boiling when she told me this. Seeing as this prick is from South Africa, doing the conventional "telling law enforcement" will do no good. His family is rich so they're invincible. Still, I want to inflict pain on him desperately. I have been thinking of different ways ever since, because I just can't imagine her befriending this predator's sister. We are going to Cape Town for Christmas, and I'm guessing I'll be meeting the siblings there. Seeing as you guys are more conscious, I request your advice. Would you simpy forgive and forget if you were in my shoes? Would you just move on? If you saw this man in person after what your girlfriend told you about him, what the hell would you do? Please by all means enlighten me. I know better than to react irrationaly, I want to think this through.

You act like it will waste that much of your time man. Both have valuable lessons, even if the people pleasing part doesn’t apply to you necessarily. The satisfaction meditation video is just a practical solution to the problem presented in the people pleasing video, so yes I recommend you watch both. Especially when struggling with loneliness. I have the same problem as you and watched both as well.

Awesome post man.

Happy late new year! Last week I decided I had enough of feeling sorry for myself for being lonely and meditated an entire day. Kind of like a solo retreat in my own home. I would meditate on the couch, the usual crossed legs position, when I was eating, basically the entire day. I did a combination of Leo's satisfaction meditation and the Letting Go technique as described by David R. Hawkins in his book. I didn't expect this to magically fix all my problems, but it was either this or the dark path towards suicide. What I experienced astonished me, though I am sure it wasn't an awakening or God realization. I had multiple moments of bliss. I would have zero thoughts for a solid period of time every so often on that day. As I let go more, I realized that I am not my emotions or my thoughts. What I AM yet however I have not fully realized, but this still felt like a huge step. I keep identifying with my thoughts and feelings, even though I have realized before that they do not represent me for who I am. I actively choose to identify with them. With this into account, I realize going about day-to-day life without identifying with your thoughts or emotions is remains difficult. When the feelings become too much however, I switch over to a certain awareness and stillness before I unidentify with said feelings. Even in social settings. On New Year's Eve I was at a party. Even though I was quite intoxicated, there were times where I would hear sounds of people talking and music blasting, yet all I could do was realize it was just in my head. Like the meaning of the sounds or the feelings from being drunk, were just that. Sounds and feelings. They were not me. I gave them meaning, but inherently there was none. I hope some of you can help me out here since I am not quite sure what I am experiencing. I still have my moments where I will take a step back and just observe what is happening to me. My thoughts, feelings, noises, sounds, sights etc. I have tried to "push" this by asking "what am I?", yet my current answer feels incomplete. I feel close to an awakening, but since I have never had one before I am afraid it is my spiritual ego talking. I notice the intrusive thoughts sometimes where I will hype myself up or feel superior because I can see from this weird unidentifying perspective while others can't, only to realize that is my spiritual ego making this a power game somehow.

Not sure whether this belongs in this subforum or the one about dating, but for now I'll leave it here. Recently my girlfriend from uni broke up with me and it hit me hard that besides her I really had no one else I considered a friend there. In a way I used our relationship to cope with my loneliness. I remember vividly when she asked me what I wanted out of our relationship and I simply told her ''I want to stop feeling alone'' whereas she said ''I want somebody that I can improve and he can improve me''. As heartbroken as I was and still am, I know now that no girl can satisfy that inner craving. I have been to parties, done pick up before and am now considering hitting the bars again alone this weekend. This loneliness hit me hard enough that I even approached a girl I had huge feelings for (but didn't work out, she didn't feel the same way) because I was so alone and wanted someone to talk to. She made me realize there could never be one girl that could fulfil that for me. Even her, someone I consider perfect for me, can't fix my loneliness. What is the point of going out for then? Just meaningless sex and upping my body count? What is the point of going into another relationship when I know it won't fulfil me? I feel like no amount of partying, sex and even ''meaningful'' relationships can help me with this. Everything about going to a bar, socializing with drunks and getting phone numbers feels so shallow to me. The best thing that can happen, and did happen with my ex, was that I get a girlfriend and I still feel lonely. Solves nothing except horny issues. Might as well fap from time to time or pay hookers if I am feeling really horny. I watched Leo's videos about loneliness and started doing his ''satisfaction'' meditation daily. So far that is the only step I feel somewhat works. No amount of socializing can make me feel at peace as much as just sitting there. I am pretty sure I was close to my first awakening just a few days ago, but I don't want to hype my spiritual ego up too much. I guess what I am asking is what should I do? Hit that bar anyway? Push through? Get maybe a few phone numbers, best case get laid and proceed like my loneliness isn't there? I feel like at this point no amount of girls, sex, booze, psychedelics or socializing in general can help me. My other option really is doing a little retreat in my own home where I will cut off all electronics and just meditate for at least one full day. Maybe multiple days if I can keep it up. Any thoughts/suggestions are welcome.

I am currently doing the satisfaction meditation as explained by Leo in this video: Really struggling with loneliness so I thought I might as well give it a try. I haven't consistently meditated in months and thus am building up again starting with 20 mins everyday for a week. My goal is definitely 1 hour and from time to time multiple hours on a day.

@petar8p It's my first time doing it with a virgin. My only experience is with my ex girlfriend and a bunch of hookers. I shall try this though, @Leo Gura Don't think that's the issue. She looked it up and we think it's something called ''vaginismus''. Basically erectile dysfunction for women. She is already trying different exercises and meditation (I forced her the last one tho lmao). @StarStruck It was. She was so tight only the tip of my middle finger would fit. I am used to this as well, but with her it just wouldn't go in. @Yarco She was dripping though. She has stated to me before that she masturbated on the idea of me. That just holding hands with me would make her wet. You're right though, she doesn't have any experience with guys. Her ex was non-binary with a female body. It's all new to her indeed. @Raze Ding ding ding! She thinks this too yeah. Already looked up some exersises and she is currently trying both that and meditation.

Hello everybody. As I tried to make love with my girlfriend, my dick just wouldn’t fit. Her vagina would not open up at all. I mean the entire scene was set. We had tons of foreplay and she said she was ready. This would’ve been her first time having sex, but unfortunately it just wouldn’t go in. I was rather disappointed with this tbh. I thought it was my fault at first, because my dick would get soft at the worst possible times. Eventually I did get it hard though, yet it just didn’t fit. Before you say: did you finger her first? She has stated to me before that she doesn’t really like fingering, so she never does it. She only feels stimulation on her clit. We did look up online what it might be and we think that her vagina just needs to be used to have things inside it to get bigger. Something like a dilator, which for those of you that don’t know (I didn’t either) is a buttplug for vaginas. Anyways, please let me know what you guys think. Much love <3