tsuki

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About tsuki

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  • Birthday 04/16/1989

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  1. From Realization To Liberation
    From Realization To Liberation
    Most teachers do not teach post-awakening work. Teaching what they do, they already lose the majority, and their words fly over people's heads. There are people attending these "Satsangs" who literally do not understand a word.
    The material you're looking for, is unironically probably better found in selective traditional literature, of which, there is no easy way to determine if the text is "post-awakening" unless you yourself already recognize a lot of nuance. And certainly the literature itself will not be describing itself as "post-awakening material".
    I've found certain Chan Buddhist "recorded sayings" (of some masters') texts to express these levels of insight. And Dzogchen, regarded as the highest teachings in Tibetan Buddhism, also expounds upon and expresses these levels of insight and development. There's also a contemporary Catholic contemplative called Bernadette Roberts who wrote several books which could probably be considered "post-awakening material". Carole Griggs and Ted Strauss also have a developmental model which includes mapping of post-awakening territory, although I do not know how much actual material (textual or otherwise) regarding it is available. I've also noticed Leo in some recent videos touching more on some "post-awakening"-related themes.
    In traditional literature, these levels of insight and development usually either come across as extremely sobering, to the point of a layman not even being able to tell if the text is talking something "spiritual", or elaborately radical and seemingly exaggerated, to the point where you can read 20 lines and not understand a single one, and be under the impression that the text must be exaggerating its description. In informal contexts or contemporary texts, the themes may also be non-spiritual, in the sense that the text is talking about something very practical and not about mystical things.
    There is no lukewarm ground of such a text speaking about "oneness" (in the lofty sense), or "I Am", or "everything is interconnected", or any such common mystical ideas. In that sense, these texts usually appear unattractive to laymen and newer students because they do not make considerable efforts to appeal to their conceptual fantasies. Take note that I'm intentionally generalizing here.
    There are also certain kinds of non-binary; multi-truth-valued logical or linguistic structural resemblances that texts from these high levels exhibit, but this is esoteric, nuanced and difficult for me to describe in detail, and furthermore, this is not exclusive just to these high level texts. These structures mostly derive from Indian Logic/Fourfold negation/Nagarjuna; there are also variants such as the logic of the verses in the Diamond Sutra.
    Also not exclusive to texts at these levels but interesting nevertheless, are certain kinds of structures to an inquiry and answer, most notably, an answer which undermines the foundation of the inquiry, such as, "What is right and what is wrong?", "One journey, many paths.". Related to this, is a kind of structure to an inquiry and answer, wherein the answer simply points to immediate consciousness, which may additionally also undermine the foundation of the inquiry, such as, "What is the mind that the Patriarch bought from the West?", "An Ox is giving birth, take a look at it.".
    An example which both points to immediate consciousness and simultaneously undermines the foundation of the question is:
    "Is the cup half-empty or half-full?"
    "It's a beautiful cup."
    This stuff is very subtle. I think this is the first time I've ever explicitly described this in some detail. This is also a kind of meta-analysis of stuff that is already very obscure in the first place, which makes this even more obscure than it already is, which is frankly quite funny.
     
    If what you deeply care about the most is the Truth, that is the "fastest way" to liberation.
    The matter is, realization is not a side-step-able thing. Deep realization is fundamentally required. Really, the way you phrased the question comes across as a misunderstanding. Liberation here is just a word which describes the result of even deeper degrees of realization than what you're using the word "realization" to refer to.
    Liberation means freedom. Freedom is simply no longer being attached to conceptual notions of "the Truth" and no longer maintaining falsehood.
    To do that requires you to first recognize what not to attach to (i.e. "the Truth"), and secondly, on top of the foundation of some already deep integration and embodiment, most likely decades of non-outsource-able cogni-psycho-physiological work related to understanding and unraveling the patterns of falsehood still producing suffering in your "ordinary state of consciousness".
     
    This quote is not actually the word of Dōgen, but rather Dōgen quoting an older Chan (Zen) saying attributed to Qingyuan Weixin.
     
    Last note: Regarding the sources of my three quoted questions and answers. The first question and answer is me quoting "myself", or rather quoting an inquiry I was contemplating, which was "answered" visually through an advertisement catchphrase I happened to see at that exact time. The second is a quoted dialogue from the recorded sayings of Chan (Zen) Master Zhaozhou (Joshu). The last quote about the cup is from a certain documentary I forgot the name of, in which a man quotes his dying grandfather, and this is apparently what he answered. So as you can see, the source is really not nearly as important as your orientation and motivation. As they say, when you're ready, anything will be the answer.

  2. Susanne Cook-Greuter talking about the 9 stages of ego development related to Covid
    Susanne Cook-Greuter talking about the 9 stages of ego development related to Covid

  3. Sensations in my feet and calves
    Sensations in my feet and calves
    This is fibromyalgia. 
    You have inflammation in your body which is indicated by the arthritis. 
    This will take 6 months to a year to heal. 
    You need to drink Berry and apple juice. Include loads do citrus fruits and berries. 
    Look for anti-inflammatory naturally found foods and start eating them. 
    Exercise and sleep well. 
    Eat Vitamin D. Very important. 
    Stay away from allergies. Reduce stress. 
    Do not eat junk food. Cut dairy. 
    Drink honey every day. 
    Regular walking or slight jogging. No heavy jogging. 
    Light cardio. No heavy cardio.
    Drink tons of clean water each day to flush inflammation causing proteins 
    Move the muscle and massage the area that shows tingling stinging. 
    It will take a ton of time for the stinging tingling muscle to return back to normal. 
    This is both a brain body issue. Too much inflammation reaches the brain affecting nerves that cause abnormal sensations to appear in specific muscles.. 
    Also too much work especially in front of a computer can impact the brain. Use good quality radiation resistant anti glare glasses. 
    Add lemons to your diet. Drink lime/lemon water with some sugar. 
    This will take a lot of time to heal. Be Patient. 
    It's not a big thing. It might go away on its own. However if you don't take good care, the muscle will get weaker and weaker and spread to other neighboring muscles. So take all precautions right now. 
     
     
     

  4. Your Zodic Sign - Bullsh*t or Bullseye ?
    Your Zodic Sign - Bullsh*t or Bullseye ?
    Your zodiac sign is just a small overarching fraction of your personality. Its better to analyze your natal chart to extract the nuance.

    In order for you to do this you need to know your birth time and place. You can add your info into this free software for that and it will generate a natal chart:

    http://www.zaytsev.com/downloads.html

    It should look something like this, you can right click>interpretation on stuff to get what stuff means. You can click on planets, aspects, houses, nodes and most stuff.

    Fun tip: When you find where your north and south node are, research a bit more. You might get leg shaking insights on your karma and dharma. Past life-this life linkage to be more exact. Its a gateway to another natal chart

     


  5. Peter Ralston apprenticeship reading list
    Peter Ralston apprenticeship reading list
    This is the reading list Ralston sent me for the apprenticeship what do you think any questions or comments would be appreciated.
    Ralston's books:
    The Book of Not Knowing (required reading)
    Pursuing Consciousness (required reading)
    The Genius of Being (required reading)
    Zen Body-Being (required reading)
    Consciousness Dialogues (required reading)
    Ancient Wisdom, New Spirit
    Reflections of Being
    Other Educational Possibilities: (if you have time)
    Zen Flesh, Zen Bones
    Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, Suzuki
    Actualizations, Stewart Emery
    On Time and Being, Heidegger
    The Knee of Listening, Franklin Jones (Bubba Free John)
    Steps to an Ecology of Mind, Gregory Bateson
    The Way of Chuang Tzu, Merton
    Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu
    The Book of Tea
    Zen in the Art of Archery
    Critique of Pure Reason, Kant (difficult)
    Some others:
    The Journey to Ixtlan, Castenada
    @Leo Gura

  6. Are YOU Leo's new girlfriend? (serious)
    Are YOU Leo's new girlfriend? (serious)
    We could categorise what's survival vs what's not survival based, but I don't think I'm qualified to answer that. A consensus from men and women here would certainly yield a substantial list that would give a better indication.
    Rather I'd like to think that approach and attitude constitutes that of a conscious romantic relationship more articulately, as opposed to upholding a list of criteria which is to be adhered to. What we all want, regardless of spiritual calibre or inclination, is to see the love, beauty and intelligence that shines through our ignorance and deception, and some of us may be more on board directly with that, while others stagnate within their attachments and need time to penetrate through them by means of suffering or adversity. Regardless of the latter, we are not bound to follow those that are stagnate if we don't want to, and can rather, if its in us, choose to live in a way which honours what we truly want, and demonstrates, or even proves to the ones we're in relationships with, that this want isn't just within you but them as well, and that its just the lack of exposure and perspective to an alternative to the status quo, that's keeping the stagnation in power, and the joy of the present infinite, hidden.
    As God, there's deep joy in experiencing ALL of who you truly are, from everything to meditating in a cave, varied careers, varied experiences in holidays AND to varied personal relationships, where the point isn't necessarily focused on maxing out feeling just 1 particular variety of experience, like pleasure from sex, but on broadening it so you can connect the pleasure of sex with other varied experiences, and draw insights between those connections, as to deepen not just the pleasure from sex, but experience/God as a whole. Once you see, for example, the connection between sex and intimacy during holidays, or time of adversity, or bonding over family, you get a deepening of the sex, along with all those other things which makes the experience as a whole deeper and more God like.
    The relationship was never about the finite. It was never specifically about her, or you, or the relationship, for that was all ignorance. It was always about the love, intelligence and beauty that shined through it. It was about You. Yet for you to really appreciate the You as fully as you can, the contrast of ignorance, and working through the ignorance is what give the true you its sparkle. Working through the ignorance is the icing on the cake of infinite love. Truly, there are no absolute rules or regulations when it comes to being truly happy, no rules about short term relationships, long term relationships, conventions over birthdays or family get togethers. Rather the rules are scaffolding for building up to seeing Yourself as fully as can be. The rules are to be played so you can deepen yourself with the One. You can choose to do that, or you choose to not play the rules that way and live in stagnation, attachment and misery, its your choice from the free will that you have. 

  7. Could God delude himself for eternity
    Could God delude himself for eternity
    The genius and mercy of God's design is that all finite phenomena are temporary. Dreaming/form is a finite phenomenon. All finite things start and end, are born and die.
    https://www.actualized.org/articles/understanding-impermanence

  8. #1 priority for 2020: Self-care
    #1 priority for 2020: Self-care
    @tsuki Amen brother. this scale is so useful. If you’re interested, write down the thought on paper, with brevity. Then ask, how do I feel about that thought? (Anger)  Then express it. Be fucking angry, it’s ok, it’s natural. Then ask, can I feel that I am discouraged? Then express that feeling about it. Then ask, can I feel blame? Hell ya I can, lots of people did lots of terrible thoughtless stuff. Indeed this is their fault. Then, do I feel worry about this? Etc. As you ‘work the thought up the scale’, keeping the focus on expressing, on feeling....you literally experience that “locked into anger” perspective...actually was Joy/Love the whole time.  If I can help, I’m happy to. Want the best for ya man. Been there, and it’s no fun. 

  9. Do a lot of sex make women passive?
    Do a lot of sex make women passive?
    Women are really excited about sex in the first part of the relationship because there is a feeling like the guy really wants to have sex with her. And this hits the right emotional notes to drive a woman crazy. And this is easy to do in the first few months of a relationship.
    But often, especially if the male partner is just sexual in general, it can get very unsatisfying for a woman if she feels that you just want to have sex... and not specifically with her. That's when sex feels like a chore for women because sex is an emotional experience for women, more than it is physical.
    So, if a woman feels like you want her in particular and you use your lovemaking to communicate that desire for her, she will feel emotionally stimulated and loved and very turned on. The motivation to have sex will be naturally high.
    But if a woman feels like you mostly want sex to fulfill your need to cum, she will feel neutral or obligated about giving you that, but she won't experience that level of excitement and fulfillment. She will start to feel like your cum helper, which isn't a turn on because there is no intimacy there.
    So, you'll have to learn to work with her pace (which will be slower), build anticipation, be romantic and loving with lots of non-sexual attention, learning to use sex as a conversation and means of expression as opposed to a race to orgasm, etc.
    Otherwise, you won't be able to play her emotional instrument... which is what motivates women to have sex in the first place. Physical pleasure is so so for a woman, but emotional pleasure is absolutely transcendent. Women will never be motivated just by sexual pleasure alone. They have to be bathed in a soup of erotic emotions to feel sexual desire.
    So, if all that's left for her in sex with you is physical pleasure, she's going to be bored and will feel both unsatiated and turned off. So, she may use fantasy (or in extreme cases infidelity) instead to get her emotional and sexual needs met. 
    TLDR: Female sexual needs are actually emotional needs.
     

  10. Psychics: real vs. fake
    Psychics: real vs. fake
    @tsuki Here's some evidence for ya:
    http://deanradin.com/evidence/evidence.htm

  11. Methods to “remember” ones true nature when drawn back into the ego
    Methods to “remember” ones true nature when drawn back into the ego
    Great self observation.!
    Cynthia Bourgeault gives the teaching of sensing the feet as a quick grounding exercise which also works well with establishing continuity of consciousness.
    https://www.endlesssearch.co.uk/exercises_sensing.htm
    This link elaborates on the idea,,,,

  12. How do thou contemplate
    How do thou contemplate
    The 6 principles of contemplation discussed at Peter Ralston’s ENB workshop:
    Focus: You keep your attention on the question at hand. If the mind wanders, bring it back again and again, don’t let up your questioning. 
    Intent: Actually intend to become directly conscious of what you’re questioning. Don’t let yourself ask, but in the back of your mind put off becoming conscious for a later point in time. Intend to do it NOW. Now is the only time and way you can do it anyways.
    Openness: Be open to whatever truth may be. Enter contemplation without predisposition or opinion, contemplate from a space of pure not knowing and total openness to what is. Truly open yourself up to possibility and be ready for anything. 
    Presence: Bring yourself into the practice. Be present with the practice. Tap into existential nowness and be with the question. Observe the question from the position of real presence, as this is the most authentic mode to question and contemplate. How does your question and topic at hand exist right now? 
    Clarity: Clearly understand what your questioning. For example, are you contemplating who you are or what you are? Notice the distinction. Clearly define what you’re trying to grasp! If you don’t, attention and mind will wander at subtle levels. 
    Possibility: Actually hold it as a possibility to become directly conscious of your question. Often we unconsciously hold that we cant become conscious or we hold the position that it requires x amount of effort and y amount of time. Don’t let yourself take this belief on. Truly hold the possibility that you can become conscious. 
     
    Tbh I don't usually formally contemplate these days, Im more focused on embodying the many insights Ive had on my journey thus far but this outline as a technique has worked very well for me. I had a pretty big awakening experience at the workshop using these principles and since then keep these in mind as a probe and question. These also apply for contemplating while on psychedelics which is an absurdly powerful combo. 

  13. Top Relationship Resources
    Top Relationship Resources
    Hey there,
    Today I was reading Ken Wilber's The Religion of Tomorrow book and I was struck with so much gratitude for you @Leo Gura... it's just a gift that I'm even able to understand almost everything that this book says. You have given me so much and I just felt like sharing some love with you. 
    I noticed that I have never shared many precious gifts that I have found along my path with y'all, in an area that I think the actualized.org crew is needing lots of resources, which is relationships (my life's purpose is to teach people how to have conscious, authentic, healthy relationships - I'm a therapist). 
    So here we go, the best resources I have found after years of pursuing this relationship path:
    Best teachers + books + seminars (stage yellow/turquoise)
    https://www.learningloveinstitute.com/
    https://www.learningloveinstitute.com/portfolio/books-2/
    OTHER HIGHLY RECOMMENDED BOOKS: https://www.learningloveinstitute.com/books-we-recommend/ (great books on sexuality and tantric practices - life-transforming)
    I have tears in my eyes just thinking about these two teachers: Krishnananda & Amana... this is love at its purest. I hope some of you have the opportunity of meeting these teachers, they are the most loving human beings I have ever met. Their teachings are deeply rooted in non duality (they lived with Osho for many many years - they have a very interesting life's story). Even though they call Osho their master, they are the 1st ones to say "Osho was full of shit in many situations".
    I recommend to start by reading their book: Face to Face with Fear – Transforming Fear Into Love or Stepping out of Fear – Breaking Free of Pain and Suffering.
    They try to communicate in a very simple way and give people very simple models for healing. 
    You can solve ANY relationship problem you have in a therapy session with either of them, which costs something around $170. Another amazing thing about them is how their business doesn't revolve around money, their seminars and sessions are fairly cheap compared to most teachers.
    I cannot recommend this work enough. THIS IS GOLD!
    Best way to practice authentic relating based on meditation and find a community of people that you can feel deeply connected to
    https://integralcentered.com/aletheia/ + https://integralcentered.com/ken-wilber-on-authentic-relating/ (Ken Wilber's take on authentic relating)
    https://www.circlinginstitute.com/circling/what-is-circling/
    https://www.circlingeurope.com/what-is-circling
    https://circleanywhere.com/
    I highly recommend circling. It's an amazing way to see your relational blind spots, to feel absurdly connected to other human beings, learn communication tools and etc. It has it's some pitfalls, like not exploring trauma and how to heal wounds, but it's an amazing tool to growth.
    A good introductory book on circling: Circling and authentic relating - Marc Beneteau (even though the author is fairly undeveloped).
    Most big cities have a live circling group these days that you can attend.
    Other good resources
    Podcasts (yellowish): https://relationshipschool.com/podcast/ and https://www.neilsattin.com/relationshipalive/  (there are some false teachings in these podcasts, but many useful teachings and resources).
    Relationship courses + trainings: https://relationshipschool.com/dpir/ - I have been studying with this teacher for the last 2 years. I have spent $25k on his courses and I find them to be a very good base for a healthy relational life. He's mostly yellow, but he's still very stuck in some orange toxicity IMO - he can be very manipulative, greedy and etc. I have done trainings with him because the most recommended teachers - learningloveinstitute - don't offer programs as he does. I still highly recommend this material (especially if you are still in orange or green), but you should know that some of the stuff that he teaches is based on falsehood IMO. I'm leaving this teacher soon and completely focusing on the Learning Love Institute one's.
    Another downside is that it's very expensive.
    Other interesting authors and books:
    Already Free: Buddhism Meets Psychotherapy on the path of liberation - Bruce Tift (yellow+turquoise)
    Mindsight - Daniel J Siegel
    Gabor Maté
    ...
    There are many more that I could list here, but I actually think it's best for all of you to focus on the ones that I have already mentioned (too much information can be distracting). All the people that these 2 podcasts interview can be good resources.
     
    @Leo Gura if you are open for feedback: I think that the relationship books in your list are pretty bad lol , which makes sense because you were mostly on stage orange when you created this list (I think).
    The way of the superior man: this book can be very shaming in my opinion and is male chauvinist (even though I loved it when I read it years ago and it has some beautiful insights). My perception today is that it has very poor relationship teachings. Chapters like: Don't force the feminine to make decisions, Praise her, What she wants is not what she says, Her complaint is content-free, She wants to relax in the demonstration of your direction and etc are pretty bad (very blue/orange). Real relational teachings teach you to be with your wounds and emotions, there's very little of that here. I think Deida is a case of someone that maybe has done lots of waking up (maybe not even that), but hasn't done much growing up.
    The 5 Love languages: IMO this is stage blue relationship garbage... the 5 love languages are actually feeding people's egos/shame in most situations. Even though it has a "positive effect" in the short-run, it feeds falsehood in the long run. Example: someone's love language is Words of Affirmation - if you go deep enough, you'll see that the person was traumatized into thinking that he/she is only worthy, lovable when receiving compliments from other people. It's like telling a model that she's beautiful, she'll feel good about it, but it's feeding her shame instead of dealing with it.
    Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus / The 7 Principles That Make Marriage Work / He's Just Not That Into You - these books are very orange and don't give actual tools for people to heal their relational wounds and move towards healthy relationships.
    Let me know how this lands for you! 
     
    If anyone has questions or wants more suggestions and advice, let me know!
    Relationships are such an incredible way to deal with our shadows, especially long term partnerships. And of course, such an important part of life that cannot be avoided. I hope this helps some of you to grow up in the relational area of your lives. 
    Lots of love fellow seekers,
    Gabriel. 
     
     
     

  14. My posture is fucked up
    My posture is fucked up
    find a pullup bar and hang from it for as long as you can, than take a 60 second break, hang as long as you can again, 60 second rest and than again. Do this at least 4 times a week and your posture will naturally start correcting itself. 

  15. My posture is fucked up
    My posture is fucked up
    Look into myofascial release techniques.
     
    I use MFR, in combination with corrective exercise, to radically transform the posture of my clients.

  16. My posture is fucked up
    My posture is fucked up
    I'd suggest checking out Aaron Alexander on Youtube, he's an expert in posture and alignment.
    In my personal experience psychedelics REALLY help with my posture. And just stretching everyday. 

  17. Non-ejaculatory Male Orgasm - The Multi-orgasmic Man, To Do Or Not To Do?
    Non-ejaculatory Male Orgasm - The Multi-orgasmic Man, To Do Or Not To Do?
    I've got the goods guys.
    I haven't read the way of the superior man and I haven't practised this in a Taoist/spiritual context but I know how to have multiple orgasms as a guy. 
    You basically have to practice separating out ejaculation from orgasm on two levels:
    1. Physically
    Implement a training regemen to practice isolating and contracting your pubococcygeus (PC) muslce.
    Link to a basic guide here
    Its the muscle that spasms when you ejaculate and its the muscle that you use if you want to stop the flow of urine abruptly.
    What you have to do is isolate this muscle and this muscle only. This is quite challenging. It's like learning how to raise your recessive eyebrow independently, or flare your nostrils, or move your ears. It's a very specific small muscle that you have to single out. You can't contract any of the other muscles near it and you need to keep your entire core relaxed so that you can breath into your belly when it's go time.
    Once you've singled it out (which might take a few days of trial and error) practice flexing it as per the guide above until you can hold it like a fucking vice for ~2min, this took me a few months of daily exercise. Once you've got this down you're ready for phase 2.
     
    2. Mentally
    You can practice this during the months you're exercising but it's really really difficult to keep focused. Pleasure is way harder to be equanimous with than pain.
     
    You want to grade your sexual arousal level on a scale of 1-10 (1 being "I've got semi" 10 being "awkward cum face")
    Practice this first while masturbating because it's hard to do for real.
    Arouse yourself up to a 4-5 and then death grip your PC whilst fully relaxing your core and breathing the pleasure into your belly and over your body. Once your'e back down to a 2-3 go again up to a 5-6 and death grip/breath. Keep doing this until you get all the way up to a 10 without blowing your load. Congratz, you can have multiple orgasms! Also, your orgasms will be much fuller and richer than before.

    This phase took me about 2 months to really master. You're basically training your muscle out of autonomic nervous control to full somatic control, so it takes time, but it's totally worth it. Greatest discovery I made as a teenage boy. 

  18. Tips for Sleeping Enough?
    Tips for Sleeping Enough?
    This needs to be addressed first. The need to be busy all the time is increasing your cortisol, reducing your melatonin and killing your sleep. 
    Few tips that may help you out
    Read "Why we sleep" by Matthew Walker to understand the horrific consequences of not getting enough sleep.  Start going to bed and waking up at the same time every day. Aim for solid 8 hours. (ideally 8.5) Quit all electronic devices 90 minutes prior to your bed time. Blue light from these blocks secretion of melatonin drastically and prolongs time required to get into REM sleep Dim all lights as much as possible 60 minutes prior to your bed time. Only keep enough light to avoid bumping into object. Ideally light a candle in your room instead of using lamp. Artificial light blocks secretion of melatonin just as blue light from electronics.  Consider purchasing blue light blocking glasses and start wearing them around 2 hours prior to your bed time.  Do not exercise 2 hours prior to your bed time Do not go to bed neither hungry nor full..something in between.  Have a few pistachios before your bed time, they contains highest known amount of natural melatonin.  Remove any clock visible from bed that will induce "sleeplessness anxiety" If you can't fall asleep, get up and do a very light relaxing activity such as yoga or meditation. (consider doing these prior to bed time ideally) Make sure your room is as close to 100% dark as possible, all lights that can go, have to go. Good luck
    EDIT
    try staying away from caffeine after 2pm  if possible avoid alcohol consumption altogether. It is a sedative preventing your body from entering REM sleep. 

  19. Depersonalization Vs. Enlightenment
    Depersonalization Vs. Enlightenment
    @Average Investor At your end, it will lead to emotions, and some outpouring & healing... as a starting place here..this is what stands out to me. (Also, not to feed into the story but...you might wanna get a good night’s sleep before reading this.)
    The separate self only exists in thought. It is perpetuated and kept “alive”, only in the nuances of our thinking. In thought alone, there is an idea of me, which is believed to be me, and feeling will never align with this belief as the idea of me,  is of the past, and feeling is only now, and is of the true self. 
    It’s important to make the distinction between when one is unconscious, and conscious. Not unconscious as in sleeping, or passed out. We can walk, talk, live, and even somewhat thrive - completely unconscious. Again, it’ll “open some wounds”, but that is the beginning of the deeper healing desired. When we feel a way we would not choose to feel, we are unconscious. No one would consciously choose to feel ‘not good’, so when one does, one can deduce one is actually unconscious. When the suppressed feelings come up, either they are allowed to arise and pass through, or thinking is utilized to construct a thought story of the emotion. The thought story will have “the separate self” in it (thoughts of you), and will transpire in the past or future. There will always be another person in the thought story. Here is the critical difference. You’ve got to catch the mind assigning the feeling, in anyway whatsoever, to the past, future, and or other person. In this way we can remain present, and then the emotion empties out freely. That can be rough, but there is soon a very deep, yet very subtle sense of peace present. From then on the purification is easier in terms of feeling / relief / release (though it still looks rough as heel to any onlookers). 
    Who do you believe has depersonalization disorder? You must believe you are an individual, a human, the one who has a “disorder”, etc. Maybe they are one and the same. The “disorder”, and the “separate self” are never actually seen or found, but kept going via the patterns of thinking dancing around this fact. If you look for, or try to go to the “disorder”, or “the separate self” - it can feel scary - but it results in relief, because neither can ever be found. But one must look, with the genuine desire & intent to find. This is “facing the fear”, resulting in the visceral realizing there is none. Have you practiced writing, journaling, and scrutinizing your writing, marking the nouns / pronouns, etc? When it’s in front of the eyes, the mind can ”identify“ the separate self as only in the words, and the realization then happens. There is an epiphany that sounds sort of like “holy cow..I’ve literally been speaking & writing about a second self, as if I was not the one speaking & writing”. 
    This is the ‘getting down to it’, meeting the mind at it’s incredible sneakiness. Notice, there is an assumption that there is a difference. This is in and of itself a protective barrier. Because there is no separate self, there is no disorder - therefore, there also is no difference that could ever be found. The level of scrutiny required is highly detail oriented. The word “it” is being used as a write off - notice there is not an “it” at all, but notice how this slips right by us in our speaking / writing, and this reveals the slipping by in our thinking. 
    “My ego” is a write off. There’s no such thing as an ego. Supporting that there is, in thought, speaking, writing...is how this situation is perpetuated and kept going. It’s that sneaky. That single action, or rather, unchecked action, of thought - is this.. “The Devil”. It’s been sneakin people for thousands of years, the majority of the population is deeply under “it’s” spell. But the separate self, the write off, the devil, the disorder, and the idea of me - do not exist as entities, or even as any thing anywhere in the world, but in your thoughts. I would wake up every morning and outright admit, “I am the sneakiest entity which has ever, ever, existed”, and then meditate. 
    It is common for a couple weeks of meditation to be pleasant and relaxing. One is stating in an unspoken manor - “I am done with this suffering, I am done being a separate self, I’m slowing down and doing something about this”. And adopts the practice of meditation. The body response in kind, “Well fuck ya man, let’s do this thing. Here comes all the shit you innocently shoved down up in this place, it’s coming out and we’re healing, let’s rock this.”......and thought says “yeah right, I don’t think so. We’ll make this about someone else, somewhere else, and or some other time...and we’ll label the feeling of the whole charade....”bad”. And that’s the end of that.  Instead, to expedite this, try daily practices like yoga, and anything oriented towards ‘moving awareness’ through out the body. This results in a ‘safe’ inner body reassurance, and a reconnecting with now, feeling - presence.
    The theme is sneakery. States of consciousness - “ I “ - was “ in “. I understand the semantics, and again I don’t mean any personal offense. Consciousness is absolute fundamental. There can never be a “you” which is “in” a state of consciousness. This is the thinking which perpetuates the belief that there is a separate self. It happens ‘right under our noses’, in thinking. Also, the reference is a comparison to what would ‘normally occur with depersonalization’ which does not exist whatsoever. There is not a “you” which was a person, and is “becoming” not a person. There is no separate self which is “depersonalizing”. That is entirely, only, a thought story. The separate self (thought) supports the disorder (another thought). Claiming (just a thought) the disorder (just a thought) perpetuates the separate self (just a thought) who has “it” (just a thought). It is not uncommon for experiences to ‘get one half way there’, and critical scrutiny to ‘bring us home’. An obstacle comes to mind -“but everyone, Nahm, Leo - everyone - talks in this same way - “me”, “I”, “you”, etc.” It has to be acknowledge & realized, that difference between relative linguistic communication, and the clarity of the actuality within, by one. 
    A good feeling is a good feeling, and I’m not at all knocking that. However, this also jumps out at me. There is a thought pattern at play, which supports the separate self, in the perspective it is good to separate from the body. I would suggest seeking in the opposite direction, detaching from the believing of thoughts, and going into the feeling in the body. 
    “Anxious” is a write off. It’s a very popular one, but it is a write off. In removing the write off, the label or term - one is then forced to see what the feeling actually is. The true I has is never “anxious”. The true I is the unconditional love, which is being suppressed, by choosing the thinking instead of the feeling of the message. It is slippery sneaky, but these are the nuances in thought to uncover, to root out the separate self.  “I am _________” is the most profound life experience shaping thought / words that could ever be uttered. The true self is not identifiable, only know to itself.  I would pause indefinitely before finishing that statement, and allow it to be lost into silence, the true I am. 
    Being, is a reference which gets confused. The “experience” of being, is not like “unbelievably relaxed”, nor “profound peacefulness”. Being, is literally an infinite being knowing only, itself. When the chair is you as much as “you” are “you”, being is known, and only Being is known, there is no chair anymore, there is literally no self anymore. No notions of a self, no inclination, no belief there is a self, nor any beliefs that there ever was a self. One can not be experience, as this is sneakery at play, supporting & perpetuating that there is this “separate one” who could be something (experience). Not to mention, the self referential thought, “I think”. (Pointing out nuances in the name of helpfulness here ??)
    There is not an I which possesses an ego. Again, there’s no such thing as separation, a separate being / entity, or an ego. “Matter” arises appearing as “objects” of infinite being, pure potentiality, and never isn’t infinite being. In truth, “objects” never even “appear” as separate objects. A thought that a thing is separate arises, and is believed...and be indirect default, there is the belief I am also a separate object - separate from the “object” I am believing is separate. The “objects” body, perception, thought, and sensation, all arise simultaneously with what gets referred to as, “objects”. There is no separation in any of this. Thought is known, a separate “object” - thought - is never known. Perception is known. A separate “object” “perceived” is never known. Sensation is known. A separate “object” “sensed”, is never known. In science terms...if there seems to be a “hard problem of science”, a difficulty in finding the answer of how the quantum world meets the atomic world, the answer is there is no you. “You” are the “reason” there seems to be (but isn’t) a “hard problem of science”. It is because the entirety, every “thing” that could be named in direct experience, arises simultaneously - combined with the belief “I am a separate self”, that there seems to be this problem. 
    One of, perhaps the greatest tool of sneakery, is time. Time does not exist. There is not actually “7 years of depersonalization”. What there actually is, is a belief right now, in seven years of depersonalization. This is how the separate self, the ego, and the “disorder” “stays alive”, how it is perpetuated. It is no more than a story being retold, reinforced, re-believed, again and again, right under our noses. 
    Really take a minute and contemplate - there is no past. Nothing “happened”. There is no future “coming”. These are just thoughts. 
    Feel the truth in this. Feel the liberation in this. You are not bound by a damn thing. Nothing. It will never feel good to believe you are, to think you are, to write that you are, to hear that you are, or to speak that you are. This is the deeper meaning, the true wisdom of these very symbols...???. To sin, is to speak ill against The Self. You are That True Self. To repeat ill against The Self, is to believe one is ill, and to sustain that belief.
    Likewise, this symbol...♥️...is profound and wise. What arises to the top, is duality, twoness - all thinking is such. What this symbol points to, downward, is where this love comes from, but as the symbol reflects, it can only be pointed to, never symbolized. The om symbol (not emoji available ironically) points to the fact, that what the heart points to, can not be named or spoken. Symbols are important to grasp, as they undercut words, and reveal that all words are too, symbols. 
    Not feeling fucking awesome is not something to be considered normal or managed.It is not something to ‘get used to’. It is something to be inspected and released. 
    Right now is all there is. Look around, smell, feel, breath, hear. That’s it man. That’s “everything”. That’s infinity. That is it.  Notice how sneaky thinking is, so easily slipping into a “past” and using it to justify it’s own leaving of the now. This is the sneakery which perpetuates the story of the separate self, the “one” who is “moving through time”. You are the infinity, the entirety - you are not the body, or the person, in the story of time. You are the time. 
    That’s a good sign, and I would hone in on it. Why doesn’t it feel good typing that story? I suggest it’s because none of it is true...because you are the Truth. 
     
    Enlightenment is much more pleasant, but why is that? Probe deeper. Enlightenment = the actuality of unconditional love, infinite being - the true you. When we are threatened, abused, etc, we block the feelings, to protect our true self, the inner being. This was never needed, but of course nobody could be expected at present, to know or understand this, especially given an environment of people who are very far from wisdom. There is a yin to all yangs though, and it is you, rising like an ignorance crushing Pheonix out of all this, and paying it forward so other to come will benefit from the wars you survived. This is your Shaktipat, your opportunity to know and live the greatest love, the selfless giving of your love. The more you give, the more you embody. Everybody “wins”. This is the supreme existence incarnate. This is where you’re headed, the greatest height of life, what you have been through, and that you come out of it a renewed and yet untouched pristine love, will speak volumes in presence. Notice the relationship between inspecting the nuances of the thoughts in words, and never actually needing any to convey what is real. 
    Thought searches to no end, never finding feeling. Feeling, reconnection, extinguishes the “apparent needs” of thought, and it ceases. Focus, concentration, attention, sky rocket naturally, like a cork released from being held underwater. 
    Also, this is a very contemporary perspective. Enlightenment is not sought, attained, and correcting of feeling. Thought is properly inspected, emotion is cathartically releases - and the end “result”, is enlightenment. When it does “occur”, it will take at least a year to even connect the dots, that this was that thing you referenced. It is that profound. So don’t imagine it. Stay true to yourself, to feeling great, to inspecting and releasing. 
    This, even more so. Infinity is unmistakable, earth, life, space, time, shattering. Unspeakable, ineffable. 
    Blow that up! Expand it. Go try some new to you healing modalities. Make dream board, and dream the impossible life - and actually live it. 
    Someone does not notice you have a disorder, because you do not have a disorder. There is nothing wrong with you, sans the belief itself, that something is “wrong” with you. The “prolonged feeling of detachment” is only from feelings. It is through feeling, sensation, love - that all is connected - that all is One. You are The One. “Ego & identity” are not present. Thought to that tune are still being believed, so it seems so. It is like holding a filter at the end of a flashlight, it skews all that is seen on the wall. Thoughts, are “on the wall”. Don’t believe what is thought or seen, inspect the flashlight. 
    Notice the sneakery at play. Again, it seems semantically, but their is no such thing as “my awareness’. This is like a cell phone claiming “my wifi”. The wifi is the wifi. You are awareness. Scrutiny your direct experience, and notice you can never find this “sense” “awareness”. It brings to mind the example of that there is no nonexistance, nor is there such a thing or state as nonawareness. If you imagine someone claiming that there is, you could ask them - what was then present, to make such a claim. Surely, only in being aware of “nonexistence” or “nonawareness” could someone make such a claim. But in making the claim, they reveal they were aware, they existed. 
    Inspect that to complete satisfaction - and there is enlightenment. Hold it in a future thought story, and such a “future”, of course, never “comes”.
    This is where it all heads to...ultimately the beliefs and perpetuation in them sustains the veiling, the living in thought as “a separate self”, which one day dies. But death is a belief, again, a popular one, but a belief in total nonetheless. (Watch Leo’s death video if you haven’t, it’s phenomenal)
    Death is Actual You - Unconditional Love. 
    Do you see the correlation yet? The feeling of bliss on the mountain, which represented the ‘facing of the fear’, of death = cutting away at the stories of the separate self, at it root - at death. ??
    Again, I know this is harsh and critical. I hope it is all taken as an offering of love. 

  20. Julian Jaynes and the Bicameral Mind Theory
    Julian Jaynes and the Bicameral Mind Theory
    I'm thinking parts of this blends with Terence Mckenna's stoned ape Theory and some parts it doesn't.
    Commentary anyone?

  21. Basics 101 - Emotion Code (+free audiobook)
    Basics 101 - Emotion Code (+free audiobook)
    Again and again after all these years I am drawn back to the basics. The Emotion Code is about muscle testing and letting go of emotional stored energy in the body.
    Here is an interview with author;
    Here is how to apply the method;
    Here is the free audiobook; 
     

  22. Attracting girls, the deep issue
    Attracting girls, the deep issue
    Cotton heads, no long term interest, you’re younger, more robust - virtually no chance getting your heart broke, no call upon your vulnerability. Hotties - they could smash your heart to bits. Trade control, for liberation. Great movie on the dangers of holding too tight to that masculine facade, the armor - ad astra. A slow, cold, cosmic portrayal. It’ll hit you in the feels bullseye so deep, the healing will be triggered without any cognitive need. Will take two or three days. Godspeed. 

  23. Is Magic Real?
    Is Magic Real?
    @Genghis Khan Yes, first get a copy of Desire - The Tantric path to awakening. The occult is more similar to Tantra vs ascetic Yoga. Ancient texts say it is a faster path to enlightenment but more risky, due to possible attachments if not careful.
    Then get a copy of the Yoga Sutras with commentary by Swami Satchinanda. Its important to transcend the ego and master your mind. Besides, the power in energetic traditions, including magick, is partially in the ability to concentrate the mind.
    Then for the practice of practical magick, I personally believe that witchcraft and sorcery (working with spirits) is the most powerful way of affecting reality according to your will. Get two books to start with and study them:
    Six Ways by Aiden Wachter
    The Sorcerers Secrets by Jason Miller
    Feel free to message me if you have any questions.
    PS Yes, magick is VERY real. You are in for quite an adventure

  24. How does reincardnation work?
    How does reincardnation work?
    https://padmasambhavagururinpoche.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/padmasambhava_tibetan-book-of-the-dead_4.pdf

  25. How can I tell if I am "green"? How does one actually assess their position in SD?
    How can I tell if I am "green"? How does one actually assess their position in SD?
    Here are sub-components of Green that I got from TJ Reeves.
    Compassion How well you demonstrate empathy, care, and understanding for another despite the situation they have found or even placed themselves in. Humanitarianism The ability to see yourself as part of the one human colony, instead of as an individual. How well you act in accordance to that understanding. Idealism The vision you hold for how well the world could be or should be, even if it sin't or even if it might sound ridiculous. Included in this is that each and every human on the planet has the resources, time, attention, and love they need to unlock their potential. Post-Modern Awareness A healthy awareness of the fact that many of the rules we take for granted are simply made up. And although biology certainly influences society, the point of being a human is customizing ourselves and choosing the life we want to live despite the biological cards we've been dealt. Moral Intuition How connected you are to a gut sense of what is right and wrong at a level that goes beyond what was told to you or written down in a book, but instead comes from your heart. Self-Acceptance Knowing that you are perfect as you are right here, right now, and that no one else has the right to validate that fact nor do you need them to.