RawJudah

Attracting girls, the deep issue

34 posts in this topic

All my life I have struggled to talk to and approach attractive girls. Older women, not a problem at all. I find talking to older women a breeze and can even flirt with them effortlessly. (by old I mean about 35 years plus)

Hot girls though, I struggle to put a sentence together and can barely look them in the eye, and they can smell the fear off of me from a mile away. I have noticed my posture shrivel up and my chest goes tight, so this is why I think it goes deeper than what I originally thought...

Why is this? Is there a deeper issue going on here? Something to do with childhood? I'm really tired of it now, I know that I need to fix this myself, but I would love some answers from someone that has been through this problem, I know there are guys like this out there! Is there something I need to uncover from my past that will make my fear go away?

I kind of understand the dynamics of pickup and the benefits although I still think it is kinda creepy, but what is the DEEP reason I am shit scared of talking to attractive girls around my age? Is there even a DEEP reason or am I creating problems that never existed?

Many thanks to any that read this and reply.

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Its just a front, don't worry. I know the younger ones seem intimidating, but they know less of what they want than the older ones. You just have to look through the shell of outer appearance and genuinely show interest in them as a person, and conversation will flow. 

I doubt they can really "smell the fear" in you as much as you think they can. On the inside they still think like a girl, misinterpret things just like guys do, and deal with their own problems. 


"Started from the bottom and I just realized I'm still there since the money and the fame is an illusion" -Drake doing self-inquiry

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3 hours ago, TrynaBeTurquoise said:

I doubt they can really "smell the fear" in you as much as you think they can.

Well, actually, it's easy to spot. 

I'd say that if your not comfortable your aiming too high (out of your league). You obviously don't feel deserving and yes, it will show. So, simply stop aiming so high, problem solved.


Take what you like and leave the rest.

Namaste 🙏 🕉

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15 minutes ago, Anna1 said:

Well, actually, it's easy to spot. 

I'd say that if your not comfortable your aiming too high (out of your league). You obviously don't feel deserving and yes, it will show. So, simply stop aiming so high, problem solved.

Often times we can delude ourselves to think our fear is showing more than it should when from an outside point of view we actually look completely normal.

sometimes it can be detected yes, but for the sake of helping out this person wanting to improve himself with girls, the mindset I presented is way more helpful

also the “in your league/out of your league” is just a self limiting ideology thats not healthy to take too seriously

Edited by TrynaBeTurquoise

"Started from the bottom and I just realized I'm still there since the money and the fame is an illusion" -Drake doing self-inquiry

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1 minute ago, TrynaBeTurquoise said:

the mindset I presented is way more helpful

Perhaps, even if not true. Carry on...


Take what you like and leave the rest.

Namaste 🙏 🕉

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20 minutes ago, Anna1 said:

I'd say that if your not comfortable your aiming too high (out of your league). You obviously don't feel deserving and yes, it will show. So, simply stop aiming so high, problem solved.

Or you can just stop feeling that you dont deserve her, like all the other equal human beings that have dated her before you.

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5 minutes ago, Anna1 said:

Perhaps, even if not true. Carry on...

You don’t know whether its true or not from OPs perspective, but it will just make him more self conscious and hyper aware of signs of nervousness when he may not be even externally showing much and needs to focus on flipping the coin and putting the pressure off of himself


"Started from the bottom and I just realized I'm still there since the money and the fame is an illusion" -Drake doing self-inquiry

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11 minutes ago, TrynaBeTurquoise said:

also the “in your league/out of your league” is just a self limiting ideology thats not healthy to take too seriously

That came from his wordage..."attractive girls/hots girls" , not just GIRLS. But, girls obviously out of his league, otherwise this wouldn't be an issue!

 

Edited by Anna1

Take what you like and leave the rest.

Namaste 🙏 🕉

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Just now, Anna1 said:

That came from his wordage..."attractive girls/hots girls" , not just GIRLS. But, girls obviously out of his league!

 

Again, it doesnt matter if he is talking about attractiveness. One can still attract a girl that others find “out of his league” with the right qualities/attributes and have a great relationship


"Started from the bottom and I just realized I'm still there since the money and the fame is an illusion" -Drake doing self-inquiry

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If you don't feel deserving of this "hot" girl it will be difficult, not impossible, to attract, then if you get her it will take effort to keep her, because a "hot" girl is always getting hit on (even pumping gas). So, just be up for the challenge, that's all...or lower your standards a bit.


Take what you like and leave the rest.

Namaste 🙏 🕉

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They will notice you once you notice your own beauty. All life challenges and how to master them starts from within.

Master the self and life becomes effortless.


B R E A T H E

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19 minutes ago, Anna1 said:

If you don't feel deserving of this "hot" girl it will be difficult, not impossible, to attract, then if you get her it will take effort to keep her, because a "hot" girl is always getting hit on (even pumping gas). So, just be up for the challenge, that's all...or lower your standards a bit.

The whole reason you don’t feel deserving in the first place is this whole notion of believing she is “out of your league” you see the the problem here?


"Started from the bottom and I just realized I'm still there since the money and the fame is an illusion" -Drake doing self-inquiry

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Fear of being rejected, fear of blowing the chance.

The hotter the girl, the more you put her on a pedestal, the more you feel you need to impress her.

The trick to attracting hot girls is to treat them as if they are nobody special. And being a strong leader. This requires lots of practice.


"Be melting snow. Wash yourself of yourself." -- Rumi

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35 minutes ago, TrynaBeTurquoise said:

The whole reason you don’t feel deserving in the first place is this whole notion of believing she is “out of your league” you see the the problem here?

Indeed, this belief system repeated becomes hard-corded in ones subconscious thus one cannot emit a magnetic attraction to what he desires because the wiring is off. Need to rewire thy subconscious, thy self-programming :P


B R E A T H E

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Never ever ever doubt yourself. Always believe in yourself, always love yourself, find and know your infinite beauty, your infinite radiance! Why limit self? You are absolutely infinite and one with all life, you can choose to embody any forms. Believe until it becomes a Knowing!

You should see all the looks girls give me :P It all starts with a smile :)

Practice in the mirror and remember, if you never smile first, the mirror never smiles back.

Trust me, sit there until the end of time if you want, it will never change, reality will never change, until you decide to.

Its all you <3

Edited by pluto

B R E A T H E

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Thank you to all the replies so far. I kind of know what’s going on here, it’s a lack of confidence in myself and me having childish thoughts of attractive girls being completely different to any other human beings. Looks fade, after all...

But I acknowledge this will take some deep work on myself and some re-wiring of my subconscious mind. 

I started holotropic breathwork last Saturday and plan to do it every Saturday for at least a year, hoping this will help me with many areas of my life. I also go out nearly every weekend, as staying in only makes my problem with women worse, as I don’t physically get out otherwise. 

I wish it wasn’t such a big problem! But as a young male the issue I have with attraction won’t go away.

Thanks again!

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Cotton heads, no long term interest, you’re younger, more robust - virtually no chance getting your heart broke, no call upon your vulnerability. Hotties - they could smash your heart to bits. Trade control, for liberation. Great movie on the dangers of holding too tight to that masculine facade, the armor - ad astra. A slow, cold, cosmic portrayal. It’ll hit you in the feels bullseye so deep, the healing will be triggered without any cognitive need. Will take two or three days. Godspeed. 


ActualityOfBeing.com Nonduality & Meditations 

   “Wonderer, worshipper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair.
Come, even if you have broken your vow a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come”. Rumi

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I consider thinking of people in terms of leagues counterproductive. Just talk to really attractive girls a lot and you’ll feel more comfortable over time. You don’t have to flirt with them, have a chat about something for practice. 


You can't be enlightened, no one can.;)

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You want her very strongly, 
You don't want her to reject you/leave you, very strongly

The first one fuels the second one.
The second one results your 'fearful' behaviour which also signals attachment. She subconsciously senses your 'attachment' in your fear and thus she gets the need to reject you because no one wants to be bound by something (unless marriage). I am making this analysis because I don't think that  fear itself equates to unattractiveness or rejection. Imagine a male supermodel asking a girl out and he is blushing and very shy. Wouldn't she find him attractive? She might think - Hahah he is so attracted to me, he can't even speak to me. In other words, fear doesn't necessarily equate to rejection)

You need to see it like- You just want to make her life fun and wild, not be attached to her, and if she loses you then it is her loss, she has lost a great person who could make her life great. That kind of mindset. To do that you need  to love  life and living and that doesn't come about spontaneously.

I am giving out my deepest  secret methods here. For free.

 

 

Edited by Ibn Sina

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