Spacious

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  1. This little chart might be useful for looking at some basics. I’m not sure if it has MAOI interactions.
  2. Diet Recently I began eating a kerogenic vegetarian diet. Within one week of mostly adhering to this diet, it has produced reasonably quick results. However, there are a few sneaky whispers I am giving validity by acting them out. The first is the belief that when I have a craving, I need to express it and have that food. This has come from an OSHO community I work with who endorse accepting any addictions until you are ready to let them go. However, my food choices are not an addiction, they are an expression of laziness. They are an expression of self deception. It is also an expression of avoidance. By eating easy, lazy, carb riddled food I am choosing to hide from my responsibility as an adult to protect my body, the only one I have. I am choosing to indulge in a form of self-harm that, like porn use, is considered socially acceptable. I am also using food to reward myself for attending to my daily responsibilities. However, this is robbing Peter to pay Paul as the expression in the UK states. Basically, I am hurting one responsibility as a reward for meeting another. However, my major motivation for pursuing a Keto diet was the idea that I wouldn’t have to continually have my dietary choices being a worry that occupies my awareness and distracts me from constructing a meaningful life. In the bigger picture, losing out on some instant gratification will be something seen as worthwhile on the day I die. Recently I recommensed death contemplation and the first response was to think I should try as many foods as possible as this is the most immediate my ego wants to enjoy its existence as if living to eat is a form of wisdom, when it clearly isn’t and is a complete distraction from the real work on life.
  3. @Timotheus It takes a lot of work. For me, remembering that we are networked to every person around and that my degeneration is the net degeneration of every person around me keeps me unpacking the crap that stirs hostility within my environment. This guys JBP nails it for me here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_VSJQeLjw
  4. One of the challenges I have been facing in my day-to-day life is how I react to conflict and confrontation. My challenge is that I see every encounter as a power struggle and the consequence is I am hyper-vigilante in almost all circumstances. I feel afraid of being dominated by people and feel afraid of being put down. I had a recent interaction with someone who seemed to want to put me beneath him and take the opportunity to speak down to me and act like some sort of mentor, when I was not asking for a mentor, nor was I asking for advice. This left me feeling attacked for a few days and feeling as though this interaction was purely about his ego. I get tired of people want to try and drag me into their little pit of competition. However, under this I know my set of beliefs leads to the cultivation of this kind of interaction. I feel continually I am in a state of being alert to the potential threat of attack. The whole set of beliefs comes from a couple of interactions from my adolescence. When I was sixteen I went to live with my Grandmother who is a domineering control freak and I still feel under threat from the framework, it is like I carry it around within my awareness looking to prevent this ever happening again, and then when I find myself stuck in some kind of conflict, I revert back to the same level of hyper-control over my environment and fight aggressively over every small battle. This was the consequence of living with my Grandmother who is someone that finds it extremely hard to deal with any kind of uncertainty or disorder, she has a very low threshold for these kinds of interactions. I am unsure how to let go of this as it is like my body goes into threat mode the moment I see anyone trying to dominate me and I know that this is a necessary process for the survival of my being, but I need to be able to deal with it in the moment. I need to use words like, 'I feel like I'm being spoken down to' 'I feel like you're trying to attack me' 'I feel like you're trying to dismiss me' 'I feel like you're trying to suppress my voice' 'I feel like you are seeking a conflict here'. I need to build my vocabulary to neutralise situations where a person is bringing aggression within a work environment. I also need to remember that people are playing out their own subconscious games which require integration into the conscious awareness. These people who are playing out these problems are express weakness and insecurity. I also have trust issues and see certain people as playing games to attempt to generate a certain set of responses which are to serve their agenda and I feel hyper-vigilante to want to avoid being manipulated by those games. I feel afraid of being exploited and this fear comes from my first relationship when I felt deeply exploited and manipulated by the woman who wanted to confuse and abuse my trust in order to break me apart and cheat on me. This was an absolute baptism of fire into the world of relationships. It carved me into the man I am today in some ways as it made me more assertive, more focussed on personal development and I learned a valuable lesson in avoiding being in a relationship just for the sake of sex. This was exploitative on my part and reality kicked my arse. I have learned a many lessons from this, but I still live under the shroud of fear and this is an unnecessary cloud. Life is not the same today. I am not the same today. Seeing any scenario as being a reflection of the past is one that needs to be, piece-by-piece, thrown out the window as it is a useless framing of reality. However, it must be approached with patience, humility and a progressiveness.
  5. @WildeChilde My sense is the Big 5 is better because the way it is structured allows room for personal growth changes without completely changing how your personality is defined. Secondly, the Big 5 can actually be useful when choosing which career path to follow as it does reproduce the similar results for the individual each time, for instance, I'm at 98% in trait Openness and 96% trait extraversion, so a career with a lot of solitude like academia, which I was considering, would actually be bad for me. I'm going to become a therapist as this will stimulate me in terms of information variety while also meaning I get to talk to people all day. What's amazing about the Big 5 is if a person uses psychedelics, their trait openness increases by 25%, which is staggering.
  6. @Omario My sense is you haven’t distinguished between mental masturbation and unpacked unconscious belief, my intial comment was the latter. Action can be the practice of introspection to determine how your inner belief creates your environmental challenges. The two are not mutually exclusive.
  7. 'Control' is defined as 'life challenges'? @Omario
  8. @Omario How long have you been meditating out of interest, if you've started, that is? What do you mean by 'control'?
  9. @Omario How come?
  10. This is one of my favourite "Don't be a victim" videos.
  11. This is exactly what I experienced (a false dawn). I have been working on not being a victim for about two years as it is so deeply entrenched in my subconscious from early childhood that I have been seeing a therapist for 19 months unpacking these limiting beliefs in relationship to my environment. My most recent challenge is overcoming the beliefs that people in my environment, especially work, are my enemies and are trying to undermine me, stab me in the back and dominate me. This, of course, is a false set of beliefs as people are way more complicated. However, the fact that being a victim is being recognised by all of us is a massive step for us as individuals and for the benefit of wider society as a significant minority of any society identifies with being a victim. This is like a virus on a civilisation and can tear it apart.
  12. Relationship Okay, since watching Jordan B Peterson, my interest in Leo's work has waned. Perhaps this is something that needs to be explored and understood, or perhaps I just needed a break, or perhaps I felt Leo was rehashing points I felt I had understood and wanted to dedicate my time to listening to other voices. What is interesting is read my last post in the personal journal as my problems with my ex were clear, but they became more pronounced as I started watching Jordan Peterson's work. What became even crazier was watching the Cathy Newman interview and seeing a reflection of my arguments with my ex being played out on national television. That was stunning. Then I watched an interview with rebel media where a female psychologist described Cathy Newman as abusive. While I was in couples therapy, the therapist alluded to the potential that my ex was abusive and I now see I have left an abusive relationship. My ex wanted control over all of my time and for me to bend my will to hers. She started having a problem with me when I started disagreeing with her and I could see she had contempt for me. Porn Okay, so I joined the NoFap community and have found them staggeringly supportive. What really stands out is their words of encouragement. They comment and like many of my posts while also being a group who make great actions to live healthy lives. I feel really at home in that community in a way I have never quite felt with Actualized.org, but yet, here I am, writing my journal here. My sense is that now the up-vote points system has gone, the forum feels more content driven and cannot be predisposed to becoming a popularity contest, which it has felt since it started. A lot of the bullshitters have gone and there seems to be some genuine people wanting to grow. Friendship I have few friends, and this has been the way for many years. The reason for this is lack of trust, I was assaulted as a teenager and not until I took 7 acid tabs did I realise that I had chosen to reject humanity at age 16 and was living in the subconscious dream of the world being a place of hostility. This took about three weeks of intergration after the trip, I realised how damaging the mindset was to my happiness and how the whole outlook was actually hurting me in many ways. I am now starting to reach out to people, to start having friends and getting people in my life who want good things for me. Diet I have started eating a mostly ketogenic diet as I am convinced this is the way for me to effectively lose weight. I'm pretty carb sensitive and this way of eating just makes way more sense to me, it is healthy and gives me everything I need. It is a vegetarian variant on this approach, so I'm doing pretty well on many fronts here, although what I can eat is quite narrow, it doesn't really matter as I am more interested in being productive and contributing to the world. Work I am going to be a therapist. I have been through so much in my life and had to process so many issues as a child that actually making this into a career seems like an incredibly smart move as I will be able to help many people while also continuing my work on consciousness. I am tempted to follow the path of mental health Nurse for three years and do a PG diploma in CBT. I need to explore this, plot my path and just start working in this direction. Meditation This habit is now pretty much back in place and I am really feeling the difference in my day-to-day life. I'm really happy about this and feel excited this is part of my practice. Reading I try to read each day, but do not carve out enough time to do this, this is something I want to keep pushing myself to work on as it will make life easier when it comes to studying again.
  13. @Leo Gura This is spot on, and some advice I could have used a few weeks ago. Recently, I dropped 7 tabs of LSD, and it was a remarkable trip that pulled out the structure of my subconscious and put it on the table. This has taken a couple of weeks of integration, but to the detriment of my work, gym, diet, meditation, organisation and general well-being. The insights have been excellent, but I bit off more than I could chew and I am still feeling the consequences, trying to piece my world back together so that I can function effectively. Moving forward, I plan to be more measured with my dosage as I was tripping for about 24 hours. However, the next day I cired more than I have ever cried in my life and purged years of pain and suffering that had been blocked inside since I was about 16. This certainly isn't the easy path, but it is definitely the correct one.
  14. 1: Trust in the notion that your spoken truth will lead you exactly where you need to go. 2: Meditate 3: If you feel the need to see a therapist, see one, the instinct is usually correct. 4: Solitude can provide wisdom 5: Write a journal to organise your thoughts 6: Keep a video journal to refine your communication skills. 7: Food is not love 8: Popularity is a hollow goal. 9: Question everything 10: Dance, it's a great stress reliever.
  15. I'm watching both speakers and I am seeing so much overlap and potential for discussion that it would seem mutually beneficial to both Dr Peterson and Leo to introduce each-others' user base to the other's content. Both talk about life purpose, metaphysics, truth, physics and enlightenment. It would make for a fascinating discussion.