IM SAD

[Princess Arabia]

I learnt a few hours ago that my mother passed away. She's across town in Florida and I'm in NJ. I haven't seen her since before covid and I'm having a hard time dealing with her passing. I have seen the video about "What is Death" by Leo, but I can't seem to apply it at the moment. My mom was my rock. I used to say she was my role model because I never seen her do any wrong except for minor things she would get on my nerves about. Right now I'm all alone sitting in my room just staring out the window saying to myself is this for real. I can't process this. I have no children and my siblings are all scattered. Its 4 of us and one in Canada one in West Virginia and my brother just called me as I'm writing this post and I had to break the news to him over the phone. He started bawling and I had to tell him to process the news and call me back. He's not too far from me so that's good, we can comfort each other.

I felt like I needed some conscious advice on how to process this as I never had to deal with death this close before. All I'm saying to my self is I regret not seeing her before she left me and I'm having trouble dealing with the fact that I won't see her alive again. I guess its normal to mourn a loved one that passes but I'm not mourning because I think she's dead but that I can't see her right now. In my mind she's still alive but deep down I know she's not. I need to be able to process this the right way for myself and for her. I just learnt about 2hrs ago so its still fresh. I go in spurts without crying then I start again because I will never see her again. 

I never thought I would see this day come so soon even though I knew it would someday, just not this soon. Her death wasn't tragic or anything, just sudden. She went to the hospital and within hrs she was gone. I will leave this post up and check on the responses for the rest of the evening, but as of tomorrow, I will take a break from the forum for as long as I need to. I won't put a time on it because I'm not sure. I know its not healthy to stop doing normal things as I will just get into a state of I don't know what, so I will try in a few days to be normal again but for now I know I will need this time to myself and my family. 

Any advice on how to process this in a healthy way will surely be received and greatly appreciated. Thank you all so much, you guys are a wonderful bunch and I won't make any comments only if I'm asked a question that I can or feel like answering but I will be reading them to help me get through this time. Thanking all of you in advance for the suggestions and, like I said, this is my last post or comment for a bit but I will see the comments made. Have a nice evening and I will be ok, I know I just need time. I love you all.

[thenondualtankie]

I wish you and your siblings well.

[PurpleTree]

Sorry to hear that ?

[hyruga]

Sorry to hear that. Rest well and don't overthink.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ojq1AAMvZvg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRnP8wL2hO8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j83HjUFJhas

 

Edited July 16, 2023 by Raze

[Lila9]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

It may be traumatizing because it's sudden. 

I hope your mother had a good life.

I hope she didn't suffer in her last days.

She loved, she loves you and will always love you.

I know that you watched Leo's video about death.

It can be comforting to know that their consciousness is still here, she didn't go. And that they are in such peace and bliss and love.

They don't suffer, they are in a state of ultimate joy.

On the other hand, this knowledge doesn't help emotionally.

You lost someone, someone important, you lost your relationship with your mother, in the way you know it your entire life. You still have a relationship with her, you will always be her daughter and she is your mother, it just would be different.

You may feel broken, you may feel like an emotional mess. Or you may feel nothing, especially at the beginning. 

My best advice is to take the time to grieve and mourn. 

Don't expect yourself to function immediately. Of course you can, if you want, but know that you don't have to.

Society have a very limited perspective on grieving, it's almost being demonized. 

Both in the modern capitalistic and spiritual cycles. People encourage people to bypass grieving, as if there is something strong or noble in bypassing the natural feelings of grieving. Probobly because people fear death.

But it cannot be bypassed and shouldn't.

Most comments that grievers hear appeal to the intellect and suppress the expression of feelings.

Comments like:"move on"

"Don't feel bad"

"Just give it time"

"Be strong for others"

or "stop crying, she wouldn't want to see you cry if she was alive"

Or expect grievers to act recovered and function like normal, to keep it busy.

This book is very recommend for dealing with the grieving process. It's very educative. It helped me a lot when I lost my dog.

It's helpful that you have siblings to support each other, that you are not alone with this and you have someone to talk about it with great understanding.

I send you strength.

I send you my love and support.

I wish you full recovery.

Please be gentle with yourself. Please take your time.

❤️?

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Rishabh R]

I am also sorry for your loss. It also felt me very sad when my mother passed away. Even 2 years after her death I still have dreams of her. 

[Leo Gura]

Sorry to hear. Take it easy for a while.

Edited July 16, 2023 by Leo Gura

[StarStruck]

@Princess Arabia my heart felt condolences to you and your family. Breathe deeply and remember the good times.

[Chives99]

Sorry for your loss, take time for, yourself ,lots of love xxx

[Seed]

I am really sorry to hear what has happened. Be kind to yourself. Take care. Take one min at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. 

Allow yourself to feel everything you feel xxxxx

[SeaMonster]

Sorry for your loss.  There is no special way to grieve.  Whatever feelings come up for you are valid.

[Sincerity]

I'm sorry for your loss. ? Take care.

[ZzzleepingBear]

I'm sorry for your loss. 

 

while grief is quite a unique process from individual to individual, there is not much of a advice to add to that. Other than that it's a good thing that you dont suppress the grief, but let it run it's course.

 

However, our beliefs and thoughts about death itself on the other hand. Is something we can explore more, and it's rarely seriously thought about in western culture except as a cold hard truth. My suggestion to you is to seek out NDE experiences on youtube, it is not some flimsy philosophy. But rather regular genuine people  who have had experiences that is quite extraordinary when it comes to death. 

There is a ton of NDEs to listen to and I have some favorites I can recommend, otherwise I'd say that the majority is interesting to listen to in general. It may not be a way to prevent grief itself, but the whole idea of death has certainly changed for me, to a more optimistic view as a whole from listening to NDEs. 

All the best to you, take care.

[Nemra]

I'm so sorry for your loss

[Juan]

Sorry to hear, take your time.?

[Princess Arabia]

Thank you all for the condolences. They are greatly appreciated. Thank you @Lila9 I will look into that book and @Raze, that middle video with John Gray was very helpful and I love his work and am familiar with him. I understand it will take some time for me to accept this part of Reality, and I have come to the realization that the only process I need is what is naturally occurring for me and i've recognized that she never went anywhere but is still here with me. Early this morning, she whispered in my ear "I'm still here". I heard it very clearly as I was beginning to awaken from my sleep, and even though it was a whisper, I heard it very clearly. No doubt. The only regret I have, which is very hard but its diminishing slowly, is that I never got to hold and kiss her before she passed, but I will let that take it's course. 

The dream I had last night about her was a beautiful one and I saw the beautiful waves of the ocean and all I could see through my closed eyes were waves and things blowing in the wind softly with a white background as if she was revealing herself to me. I was awake but my eyes were closed and I knew I was seeing the unseen. It was beautiful and words can't explain. The words "I am here" was all I needed and now I know she's still here with me and I feel even closer to her now, which helps. Thanks again for all the wishes and I will be easy on myself through this time. I see the importance of having direct experiences because nothing compares to that, and all the talking and knowledge that you have acquired in this journey doesn't come close to having the experience yourself. Thank you all. Bye for now.

[Princess Arabia]

I will cherish our memories.

[PurpleTree]

3 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

I will cherish our memories.

That‘s beautiful ?also your dream

 

 

 

„losing“ my mother is probably my biggest fear even though we often have a difficult relationship. Even had an argument yesterday but i‘m thankful i got to hug her when i left ?

Edited July 16, 2023 by PurpleTree

[Sugarcoat]

 

Sometimes when we feel at complete loss in how to deal with something, it can open the door for a surrender to take place, allowing something else to take over.
 

Essentially, even though it might seem like it’s up to you to deal with this, there is intelligence at work dealing with it already, moving and releasing emotions,  drawing you to act in certain ways, creating thoughts, feelings, impulses (for example you writing this post) etc
 

In short, you don’t have to find a way to deal with this, as it is ~already~ being dealt with. In ways beyond our own greatest capacities to deal with it ourselves. 

much love ❤️

Edited July 16, 2023 by Sugarcoat