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  1. 'To God - how did you get invented?' and this was the response.... “Dear Lulu: Nobody invented me – but lots of people discovered me and were quite surprised. They discovered me when they looked round at the world and thought it was really beautiful or really mysterious and wondered where it came from. They discovered me when they were very very quiet on their own and felt a sort of peace and love they hadn’t expected. Then they invented ideas about me – some of them sensible and some of them not very sensible. From time to time I sent them some hints “specially in the life of Jesus” to help them get closer to what I’m really like. But there was nothing and nobody around before me to invent me. Rather like somebody who writes a story in a book, I started making up the story of the world and eventually invented human beings like you who could ask me awkward questions!” Kind of sums up what Leo says in about 8 lines...
  2. @Leo Gura Sometimes when I meditate it gets so close... I can feel it physically. It's quite amazing. But it just wont burst. It won't release. Nothing. It's almost like it's hovering there in order tease me. A big cosmic tease created only by myself - of course! Cause I am GOD! And then the cling film is when I get emotional. I can feel all this emotion pressing against the cling film inside me. I use that analogy because that's what came out when my therapist asked me to describe it and she loved it. So now i keep using and cant look at cling film in the same way now.. I will look into this Shamanic breathwork. And ive had psychedelics before but this was before I had awareness of this suppression (?) even existing within me. It's therapy that's brought it into light. But it cant penetrate it. And now I know it's there, it wont go back.
  3. @Leo Gura - what about if your trauma was before you able to make a mental script of what happened? So before aged 5 - 6 years old? So you mind cant deliver it you because there was no narrative whatsoever. And probably no memories. However, you know they are there because they've come into your awareness through therapy and meditation. But you cant 'dig them out' They are trapped and blocked and your awareness, knows it. Feelings like being wrapped in cling flim. Or carrying a volcano around in your body that never erupts. Is it just a case of accepting that feeling? Accepting that you can never truly let go? Or understand? Thank you..
  4. Haha.... @Charlotte Ive a long way to go before I can claim that role! But would def recommend Toastmasters for overcoming fears and sharpening your skills.. You'll meet some amazing people too. :-)
  5. I put @Leo Gura down too. Just dont idolise him.. take the bits you admire.. :-)
  6. Hello. I am currently in the process of some therapy and finding it is making me worse and causing lots of ego backlash / drama. However, I kind of feel it needs to be done because of childhood trauma. Although, the phrase 'let sleeping dogs lie' is rattling around in my brain and I feel I have gone downhill since starting. But, only 6 sessions in. Would love to know everyone else's thoughts / experiences. Thank you
  7. @Joseph Maynor Awesome..
  8. @Leo Gura I feel like it distracts me. But, yes. Totally agree that sanity is overrated. I needed to hear this tonight. Funny, cause I dont usually hang out on here. I love my mind. Wouldn't give it up for the world. Maybe that is why I don't chase enlightment. Although the glimpses are often a welcome treat.. ;-)
  9. I feel like I don't understand anyone else, who isnt this way. I keep meeting people like this, groups even. And I feel like an alien amongst them.
  10. Yes, This is exactly me. Nightmare! It fabricates enlightenment experiences for me all the bloody time... or just uses it as a time to plan / conceptualize / day dream..
  11. @Leo Gura Like I feel the two often at war against eachother. I have both sides raring to go!!! But one is gentle, and creative and mesmerising - and the other is a resourceful, brave and analytical. Which leaves me paralysed, as I am conflicted in which aspect to lose myself in. And yes, my imagination does bring me hell, but an equal measure of ecstasy . If I were to lose it, I don't think I would achieve much, or have much fun.
  12. @Leo Gura I am massively imaginative. And I am also ambitious. But I am also content. Because of my imagination. And sometimes. I wonder - is it slowing me down? Just a thought.
  13. Ok. But sometimes people just imagine all day long. And get lots of joy out of it. But don't do anything. Cause they are so satisfied by their imagination?