Preety_India

He called me stupid

194 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

He is my potential date. I kinda like him. I didn't go out with him because of the lockdown.

So we have conversations on the phone. Mostly calling.

He found me very funny. Then he called me a stupid girl and a crazy girl (because I told him I  would do everything in the world for him.) I told him I'll give up my life for him.

Maybe he said it out of jest. 

Will he reject or abandon me because he thinks I am stupid ?

Does he think that I'm not intelligent enough to be with him ?

Was he joking ?

He is always lovey dovey with me.

 

I feel a bit insecure, like he would reject me. 

He does mock me a lot, generally in a joking way. 

I feel shy to ask him anything directly. 

But he is always too eager to talk to me.

 

I don't even know how to process everything. But my feelings for him are super strong.

 

Edited by Preety_India

 INTP loner... .shy girl..

Preety preety

 

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Somethings off about this. 

Not saying you should be perfect and  not be hurt, but you seem tightly wrapped around this guys finger. 

I'm sensing neediness here honestly. 

This dynamic doesnt seem healthy to me, I cant put my finger on what exactly isnt resonating.

For example, the whole I'd do anything in the world for him seems kinda off, maybe I'm an asshole lol. 

I think you should feel Love within and heal. 

Going up to someone and putting all your focus on them seems unhealthy, this WILL create the narcisist and victim dynamic eventually imo. 

Forgive me I'm going through sugar/refined carb withdrawal so it's harder to articulate my thoughts here. 

Just warning you, hope you feel better ❤🙏🏼, but you've mentioned narcicistic boyfriends before, just watch out, maybe feeling the love within first will help. 


" We all need Samadhi to lean on."

-The Buddha

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3 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

He found me very funny. Then he called me a stupid girl and a crazy girl (because I told him I  would do everything in the world for him.) I told him I'll give up my life for him.

Girl I'd think you'd be stupid or crazy if I heard someone tell me that on a date. That kind of wording can often look like you're willing to bend over backwards for someone at the cost of your own needs and personal boundaries and stick around even if the other person isn't good for you. That's not a good look. 


Speaking into the void that sometimes answers back 

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2 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Girl I'd think you'd be stupid or crazy if I heard someone tell me that on a date. That kind of wording can often look like you're willing to bend over backwards for someone at the cost of your own needs and personal boundaries and stick around even if the other person isn't good for you. That's not a good look. 

I feel strong emotions for him after having conversations with him over the past few days.

I don't know how to exactly show my feelings to him or should I try to hide my feelings?

I'm kinda head over heels for him every time he talks to me and it's like he almost swept me off my feet.

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl..

Preety preety

 

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50 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I feel strong emotions for him after having conversations with him over the past few days.

I don't know how to exactly show my feelings to him or should I try to hide my feelings?

I'm kinda head over heels for him every time he talks to me and it's like he almost swept me off my feet.

I think it's good that you want to be open with your feelings and express how you feel but based on the fact that you don't know him that well, I'd be concerned about chances of you projecting an idealized version of what you think he's like on to him (rather than seeing him for who he really is) or being codependently attached to him. And when you don't see someone as who they really are, not only can that be disrespectful to the other person, but that can also be dangerous for yourself.

 There is a certain pace to things and while that can vary from person to person, going in head first like that that quickly usually doesn't end well. 


Speaking into the void that sometimes answers back 

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1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

(because I told him I  would do everything in the world for him.) I told him I'll give up my life for him.

What was the context of the conversation that made you say something like this?

That's one of the most incredibly direct and intense things you could say to anyone, let alone a potential date.


"Overwhelmed as one would be, placed in my position. Such a heavy burden now, to be the one. Born to bear and bring to all, the details of our ending. To write it down for all the world to see. But I forgot my pen! Shit the bed again! Typical!"

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Also my personal take when it comes to relationships is that unconditional love needs to stop being romanticized. I'm not going to stick around and be a ride or die because I'm not ready to die. If someone stops treating me well, idc how much I liked him, I'm walking away and I'm not going to love him. 

While sacrifices and compromises are normal to a certain extent, I'm also not going to give up things that are important to me for a guy. That usually ends in resentment in a relationship down the line anyway and it's simply not worth it.  If a guy tells me to give up everything for him, I'm going to take everything I have and give him up because the person who cares about me and who has my best interests in heart isn't going to put me in the position of choosing him and choosing other aspects of my life I care about. My love (in the romantic, relative sense) is very conditional. 


Speaking into the void that sometimes answers back 

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1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

(because I told him I  would do everything in the world for him.)

I remember in some other thread you mentioned that some guy asked on a date to marry you. This is pretty much the same situation with reversed roles. 

 

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Posted (edited)

2 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Then he called me a stupid girl and a crazy girl (because I told him I  would do everything in the world for him.) I told him I'll give up my life for him.

Even though men usually don't despise needy behavior in women that much, like women usually do, I would still be kind of scared if some women behaved this way with me.

Stop with this kind of behavior or you will scare him away.

Edited by Lucas-fgm

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1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

I told him I  would do everything in the world for him.) I told him I'll give up my life for him.

You said wuuut :ph34r:xD?

C'mon Preety, this indeed sounds 100% mad. 

48 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Also my personal take when it comes to relationships is that unconditional love needs to stop being romanticized. I'm not going to stick around and be a ride or die because I'm not ready to die. If someone stops treating me well, idc how much I liked him, I'm walking away and I'm not going to love him. 

While sacrifices and compromises are normal to a certain extent, I'm also not going to give up things that are important to me for a guy. That usually ends in resentment in a relationship down the line anyway and it's simply not worth it.  If a guy tells me to give up everything for him, I'm going to take everything I have and give him up because the person who cares about me and who has my best interests in heart isn't going to put me in the position of choosing him and choosing other aspects of my life I care about. My love (in the romantic, relative sense) is very conditional. 

1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Girl I'd think you'd be stupid or crazy if I heard someone tell me that on a date. That kind of wording can often look like you're willing to bend over backwards for someone at the cost of your own needs and personal boundaries and stick around even if the other person isn't good for you. That's not a good look. 

:)

What you told him is that you don't value your life to the point you'd give it up for someone you've had a few conversations with.

It also makes it scary to get involved in a relationship with you. It's starting extremely needy and intense. I'd see this as trouble and run.


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

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Posted (edited)

On 6/18/2021 at 1:53 PM, integral said:

The hardest part will be separating your fantasies about who you want them to be and who they actually are. 

Remain skeptical of everything said, don't indulge in how what he said or what he does makes you feel, that's the main trigger that will send you into your own world of idealism. 

^^^^^^^ i left this comment 8n the other thread about shit testing, please try to understand it ^^^^^^^^^

Exactly what i said not to do is happening: by focusing on how he makes you feel that then sent you into a fantasy world. 

You don't even know who he is and fell madly in love.

Your strongly projecting what you want to see. Please recognize this. 

He is not unique or incredible or the ONE, in fact you have absolutely no idea who he is. 

Take a step back and only evaluate the facts rationally with out your feelings or stories you've invented. 

I thought the strategy was to date many people at the same time to find a good match. Its very unlikely that the first guy you date is the best match. 

Edited by integral

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Posted (edited)

2 hours ago, Preety_India said:

He is my potential date. I kinda like him.

 

2 hours ago, Preety_India said:

he called me a stupid girl and a crazy girl (because I told him I  would do everything in the world for him.) I told him I'll give up my life for him.

Yeah that's a stupid thing to say to someone who you only kinda like who is a potential date. I'm not saying that in jest, that's a legit stupid thing to tell a guy.

Even if you feel that way, it's not socially acceptable to tell someone that on the first couple of dates, or who you've only had a couple conversations with. You will scare away all except the most psycho/abusive/narcissistic men by saying stuff like that. A woman who says she's in love with you and would give up her life for you on the first date is a psycho too.

But it seems like you're lying to yourself too, because no rational person would give up their life for someone they kinda like. There is some kind of massive disconnect there. 

Edited by Yarco

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Posted (edited)

1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Also my personal take when it comes to relationships is that unconditional love needs to stop being romanticized. I'm not going to stick around and be a ride or die because I'm not ready to die. If someone stops treating me well, idc how much I liked him, I'm walking away and I'm not going to love him. 

While sacrifices and compromises are normal to a certain extent, I'm also not going to give up things that are important to me for a guy. That usually ends in resentment in a relationship down the line anyway and it's simply not worth it.  If a guy tells me to give up everything for him, I'm going to take everything I have and give him up because the person who cares about me and who has my best interests in heart isn't going to put me in the position of choosing him and choosing other aspects of my life I care about. My love (in the romantic, relative sense) is very conditional. 

+1 this is my perspective mostly

Edited by Jacob Morres

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1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Also my personal take when it comes to relationships is that unconditional love needs to stop being romanticized. I'm not going to stick around and be a ride or die because I'm not ready to die. If someone stops treating me well, idc how much I liked him, I'm walking away and I'm not going to love him. 

While sacrifices and compromises are normal to a certain extent, I'm also not going to give up things that are important to me for a guy. That usually ends in resentment in a relationship down the line anyway and it's simply not worth it.  If a guy tells me to give up everything for him, I'm going to take everything I have and give him up because the person who cares about me and who has my best interests in heart isn't going to put me in the position of choosing him and choosing other aspects of my life I care about. My love (in the romantic, relative sense) is very conditional. 

@soos_mite_ah agreed. 


" We all need Samadhi to lean on."

-The Buddha

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Posted (edited)

2 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Also my personal take when it comes to relationships is that unconditional love needs to stop being romanticized. I'm not going to stick around and be a ride or die because I'm not ready to die. If someone stops treating me well, idc how much I liked him, I'm walking away and I'm not going to love him. 

While sacrifices and compromises are normal to a certain extent, I'm also not going to give up things that are important to me for a guy. That usually ends in resentment in a relationship down the line anyway and it's simply not worth it.  If a guy tells me to give up everything for him, I'm going to take everything I have and give him up because the person who cares about me and who has my best interests in heart isn't going to put me in the position of choosing him and choosing other aspects of my life I care about. My love (in the romantic, relative sense) is very conditional. 

If you sacrifice yourself to someone because give more importance to that person than to yourself, it's not unconditional love it's just acting like a servant because you believe you can't be loved otherwise.

If I love someone unconditionnally, that means I act in a way that is best for that person and what is best for that person is not to be their obedient slave or letting myself be abused by them. Doing this won't actually help them it will just reinforce whatever toxic mindset the abuser has. I think if you truly love someone who abuses unconditionally, you should walk away so that they get the occasion to realize what they are doing and learn from their mistakes. Continuing to get abused is not love.

I agree with everything you said honestly you shouldn't let yourself be walked over. But being walked over is not unconditional love. You can call it "blind love" but it's really just neediness disguised as love.

Edited by 4201

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5 hours ago, Preety_India said:

He is my potential date. I kinda like him.

 

(because I told him I  would do everything in the world for him.) I told him I'll give up my life for him.

Gotta have some class. 

Saying something like that is just too intense, especially when there's no real relationship yet. 

I think a lot of people (men or women) would find it too intense even if they were in a relationship. 

Having flirty phone calls is supposed to be fun, don't need to make it so heavy all of a sudden. 

I think him calling you stupid/crazy is just a way for him lightening the mood and keeping it playful. 

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5 hours ago, Roy said:

What was the context of the conversation that made you say something like this?

That's one of the most incredibly direct and intense things you could say to anyone, let alone a potential date.

If I remember it was where he expressed his sentiment telling me that he never felt the way he felt with me. He was emotional during the conversation and he told me that he felt like he had found a very loving person in me. That's when I told him that. And then he said I was being crazy and stupid to risk so much. He laughed it off but I took his words to heart. I felt deeply insecure, scared , as though I made a big mistake/blew up my chances of winning him. I felt like I acted crazy in a moment of emotional weakness. If he takes it seriously, he might not want me and that insecurity is bugging me. I'm not sure if he said it in a playful way but he wasn't angry/serious. He was laughing/mocking (attitude).

Maybe he didn't believe what I said or thought I was being too naive or stupid. But I actually really meant it seriously because I really felt deep emotions for him. I literally felt I could do anything for him. I can't explain why I felt like that. But I developed deep feeling of selfless affection for him.

I wasn't trying to impress him through. I was just being sincere and Frank with him 

Now I'm asking myself if it was rational to feel that way or if it was absurdity. Although my emotions were quite raw and real and I said whatever I felt.

Maybe I'm too trusting of him ? Or I think way more about him than how he might actually be. 

He on the other hand has constantly been praising me and showing a lot of appreciation. He says that he cares a lot about me and that he has feelings for me.

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl..

Preety preety

 

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4 hours ago, integral said:

^^^^^^^ i left this comment 8n the other thread about shit testing, please try to understand it ^^^^^^^^^

Exactly what i said not to do is happening: by focusing on how he makes you feel that then sent you into a fantasy world. 

You don't even know who he is and fell madly in love.

Your strongly projecting what you want to see. Please recognize this. 

He is not unique or incredible or the ONE, in fact you have absolutely no idea who he is. 

Take a step back and only evaluate the facts rationally with out your feelings or stories you've invented. 

I thought the strategy was to date many people at the same time to find a good match. Its very unlikely that the first guy you date is the best match. 

That was good. Maybe I think too much about him.

I really don't know.

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl..

Preety preety

 

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This is a common trap of talking with someone only over Internet or phone calls without ever meeting them!

imagination can run wild!

Then when you meet them in real life it’s not the same, so it’s better to meet in person ASAP.  

I remember once a guy I was texting with whom I had only met one time at a party, told me he was falling in love with me and he was imagining that I was perfect for him etc.  I was like ‘you don’t even know me, how is that even possible’ It was too intense for me, and when we met again in real life it was so awkward.  

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Posted (edited)

3 hours ago, Preety_India said:

He on the other hand has constantly been praising me and showing a lot of appreciation. He says that he cares a lot about me and that he has feelings for me.

I would take it with a LARGE pinch of salt. If someone whom you have never met is showing excessive praise, sounds like love bombing. 
this clouds your judgment and it’s why you are losing all inhibition and acting ‘crazily’ around him. 

Edited by Tangerinedream

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