Preety_India

He called me stupid

194 posts in this topic

@Preety_India At least from the perspective of a man, we don't really take seriously the women who get extra needy at the beginning of the relationship.

Men tend to play for a little while with those types of women and dump them afterwards.  

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33 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@something_else I'm generally not an attention seeker in a relationship but I'm high on commitment in general. I don't like people who say flippant things and don't mean what they say.

I like guys who are serious about commitment. 

I don't need attention.

 

That's good. But my point was to offer a male perspective in terms of how this guy may interpret your actions. From his perspective, he may be thinking that you're going to demand more of his attention than he wishes to give.

From what I can tell, commitment is often a man's bargaining chip in the dating world. Don't expect him to give it up so easily, in the same way you require a lot of criteria to be met before you'll sleep with a guy.

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Just now, something_else said:

That's good. But my point was to offer a male perspective in terms of how this guy may interpret your actions. From his perspective, he may be thinking that you're going to demand more of his attention than he wishes to give.

From what I can tell, commitment is often a man's bargaining chip in the dating world. Don't expect him to give it up so easily, in the same way you require a lot of criteria to be met before you'll sleep with a guy.

Yep I get that. That makes sense.

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl..

Preety preety

 

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I want to get this one side corrected and then everything will be alright.

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl..

Preety preety

 

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Can you just be spontaneous without need for "fixing" anything? 

Allowing natural flow of relationship also allowing that guy to feel free too. Maybe he will start showing "better side"? 

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Just now, Zeroguy said:

Can you just be spontaneous without need for "fixing" anything? 

Allowing natural flow of relationship also allowing that guy to feel free too. Maybe he will start showing "better side"? 

Hmm. You have a good point. I'll try to do that.

I should keep that in mind. 

Thanks zero

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl..

Preety preety

 

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Honestly with such your behaivor I will myself dump you immediatelly. 

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11 minutes ago, Zeroguy said:

Honestly with such your behaivor I will myself dump you immediatelly. 

I'm aware that sometimes I act stupid

But I can't expect myself to be perfectly sane.

I'm only Human. 

I can't guarantee that I will always be wise. 

I can be erratic. 

I'm just trying to be honest with myself. I don't like to put on a show.

 

I would rather have a guy dump me for being who I am than accept me for being someone that I am not.

Thanks for being honest with me.


 INTP loner... .shy girl..

Preety preety

 

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On 6/20/2021 at 6:36 PM, Preety_India said:

He is my potential date. I kinda like him…. I told him I  would do everything in the world for him.  I told him I'll give up my life for him.

Give The Six Pillars of Self Esteem a read, I think you’ll be glad you did. 

In truth one never feels the being called stupid, only the resonance of agreement (or not). When not, it’s readily seen as name calling; discord which belongs to the caller, never the called. 

Daily morning meditation to get some space around the thought attachment. 

Spiral Dynamics to understand the transcend-able ‘blue’ of ‘other than yourself’ authority. 


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

NONDUALITY LOA  My Youtube Channel  THE TRUE NATURE

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You are behaving in a VERY NEEDY way, can you see that? @Preety_India

Behaving the way you do indicates that you don't value yourself a lot and feel like you need another person to make you complete. Telling a guy you obviously DO NOT KNOW that you would do ANYTHING for him is extremely foolish. You should never say something like that, it IS stupid. Can you see that? You DO NOT KNOW HIM. Why the hell would you tell somebody that you do not know, that you would DO EVERYTHING for them??? Simply stupid. (We all do stupid things sometimes but you need to see very clearly that your behaviour was absolute sillyness).

Behaving like this is THE CAUSE you come together with the wrong guys. By saying that you would do anything for them (NEVER say that, NEVER, don't even THINK that)... by saying that, you basically say: "You can do whatever you want, I have no standards and do not value myself very much"... No wonder that the guy then cheats on you or leaves you.

If I would be dating a girl that would behave in that way, I would propably leave her.

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Posted (edited)

16 hours ago, Preety_India said:

That's why I want to know how I can know that the guy is the real guy who wants sincere relationship with me with no intent to abandon or cheat or play me for a fool. 

15 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I like guys who are serious about commitment. 

Date a ENFJ. At this point just give him a MBTI test. 1-2 months into the relationship. 

Do you feel that it is not genuine or "wrong" to pick a man based on a method like this? 

Edited by integral

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21 hours ago, MatteO22 said:

That is untrue. I didn’t say you’re a manipulator, I said you suggesting ‘make him nervous’ is you suggesting manipulation. I mean… it’s just obvious isn’t it! :D Why would anyone pretend it isn’t. Trying to gain a certain outcome indirectly with your actions is manipulation. It’s what it is.

Nervous is just a side effect :) And pretty usefull side effect. Because if he is nervous of not knowing - will Preety give her life for him? will she not? - that is a question! He´d like to have an answer to.. So he would stick to Preety and she meanwhile will make him happy! Isnt´t a good plan? Win-win!

21 hours ago, MatteO22 said:

You can’t make anyone happy. If you are trying to make someone happy you’re taking responsibility for their emotional state which will probably lead you down a path of What ? You guessed it! Manipulation 😂😂. :D 
sure you can be nice and supportive, but that’s far from ‘making happy’. Make happy is what we say when we are being codependent. 

Of course you can! Not for eternity but for now and then. What is a problem? 

Of what responsibilty are you talking about? Emotional state? Really state? Try to hold a river! 

21 hours ago, MatteO22 said:

 

An extension of my wholeness is what I’d like a relationship to represent. It’s very far from trying to to enmesh and placate to a partner who may or may not be suited to be a good match. Who’s unhealthier ? Who gives a fuck! 😂 I dont. :D I have nothing to prove. 
 

Every time you are speaking about extention of your wholeness, I am imagining something like that :)

And btw why don´t you want to be an extention of HER wholeness?

 

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28 minutes ago, integral said:

Date a ENFJ. At this point just give him a MBTI test. 1-2 months into the relationship. 

Do you feel that it is not genuine or "wrong" to pick a man based on a method like this? 

I don't find it wrong. 

What's special about ENFJ ?

@Gregory1

 

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl..

Preety preety

 

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58 minutes ago, Hello from Russia said:

You guys are so brutal

I know right.

I said that thing to him quite innocently.

And it won't be considered wrong in my culture. In my culture love poetry is written that way where lovers show their commitment by saying stuff like "I'll die for you" it's considered a thing of honor rather than codependency.

I understand the Western perspective. But these people on the forum are taking it to mean something entirely different.

They think that by saying that either I have low self esteem or that I'm codependent or I am creepy or I am manipulator or that I'm too needy or I'll allow the guy to do wrong things to me..

All of their judgement is pure nonsense.

When did I say that I'll tolerate anything from the guy ?

When did I say that I'm manipulating him for some gain?

Trying to tell him my sincere feelings is manipulation ???

You people got some serious issues if everything becomes a problem to you. Maybe find love.

In my culture, it would be considered a thing of pure dedication and loyalty to say something like that 

I can understand that I'm needy but I don't look at neediness as something disgusting. In a relationship some dose of neediness is needed.

Some people said that I don't have class!!!!  Like what ????????????

Just because I expressed a sincere emotion for the guy I have fallen in love with ?

They take something innocent and twist and twist and twist and twist and make it into some negative garbage through their extremely prejudiced biased lens.

It's like these people were never loved in their lives. Such awful pessimism and judgementalism. And pure shaming.

That's why I hate this forum. Say anything and everything is looked at with pure hateful negativity. Do they ever try to see good in something ?

And the people who are understanding me here are mostly Russians. You and the russian girl above.

Leo is russian but leave it. He is kinda Americanized. 

I have a lot of respect for Russians now. They don't shame others and try to be understanding and kind.

But western culture,omg, so brutal and judgemental....is there anything they don't consider negative. There is absolutely no place for instinct and emotion. Every emotion is criminalized. The only thing I can do in western countries is be an Effing STATUE. 

I'm tired of being demonized repeatedly. 

I have been shamed more in western countries than in my own.

Just wanted to say a big thanks to Russians for being very kind and understanding of my sentiments 

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl..

Preety preety

 

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@Preety_India not bashing your culture, cultures awesome. 

But not all cultural things are automatically healthy. 

Here in america part of the culture is to eat cheap burgers and fries...not healthy. 


" We all need Samadhi to lean on."

-The Buddha

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11 minutes ago, integral said:

@Preety_India High synergy with what your looking for. 

Loyalty/Committed

Hard Working

Emotional Connection, Intuitive Feeler

Encourages partner to grow

https://www.quora.com/What-would-a-romantic-relationship-between-a-female-INFP-and-a-male-ENFJ-be-like

Feeler types should date other feeler types. its just works out. 

I'm not an INFP but my emotions can still go deep. Yea those traits you mentioned are awesome for my partner.

I'll look into that. 

The guy I'm dating is an extrovert. So good for an introvert like me 

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl..

Preety preety

 

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