Preety_India

He called me stupid

194 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

23 hours ago, Preety_India said:

He is my potential date. I kinda like him. 

So we have conversations on the phone. 

He found me very funny. Then he called me a stupid girl and a crazy girl (because I told him I  would do everything in the world for him.) I told him I'll give up my life for him.

I get that you probably found someone who sparks your interest and it is very exciting (been there), but one shouldn't be desperate to lose anyone, especially when you are still in "getting to know each other" phase.

And you ESPECIALLY don't say to him that you would do anything for him, let alone give up your life for him, at the beginning. Why even say that? It does look desperate. Maybe he felt that desperate feeling he got from you and said what he said. But I get your excitement. 

You should feel content with whatever happens. All the things he gives you, you can give yourself. That's when you will look confident and also attractive to him. He will then chase you.
 

Edited by somegirl

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Posted (edited)

@Leo Gura  how should I know that the guy is genuinely loving me and wants me and not playing me for sex ?

I didn't feel like he was playing me.

But how should I know that he truly and sincerely loves me ?

 

What should he do apart from emotional containment ?

 

Edited by Preety_India

 INTP loner... .shy girl..

Preety preety

 

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How to know if a guy truly loves you and wants you for the right reasons?

 

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl..

Preety preety

 

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6 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

 

How to know if a guy truly loves you and wants you for the right reasons?

 

 

You don’t until later.  In the beginning it’s all lust and fire. After this wears off reality hits and this is make or break point of relationship.. this is when you find out and decide to move forward and accept eachother warts n’ all. 

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1 minute ago, Tangerinedream said:

You don’t until later.  In the beginning it’s all lust and fire. After this wears off reality hits and this is make or break point of relationship.. this is when you find out and decide to move forward and accept eachother warts n’ all. 

What are the signs at that point that will help me know that he is a keeper ?

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl..

Preety preety

 

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Posted (edited)

It’s a rugged road that gets better, it’s not easy. 98741783-04D0-47EE-B78D-E452600FE1BE.jpeg

Many relationships stay around the power struggle point… never growing past that (they never find themselves so can never accept the other) so therefore don’t reach stage of divine love.

Edited by Tangerinedream

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2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

What are the signs at that point that will help me know that he is a keeper ?

 

Hard to say, but most important thing is meeting and spending time together in person, so you can see what his behaviour is like.  
take off the rose tinted spectacles and observe his behaviour and how he makes you feel.  

Do you feel safe or anxious around him?  

Really try and observe how you feel in his presence…


Love is something that develops over time, it can’t be rushed.  Take it step by step!

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@Preety_India Don't be like the guys in the forum and ask for so much advice only going to get lost in theory, ts going to set you back even further.  Im pretty sure you know what to look for in a man that you would like to be with so just use that measurement.

Just as the guys here preach not to take a woman serious until she puts out I suggest you don't overinvest until you start seeing the qualities you want from this guy. You may hold sex to a higher standard than most women so instead of putting out you could flirt and possibly hint towards it if he plays his cards right.

As harsh as this might sound, the number one rule in dating is to never overinvest until the person has reached your standard, to do this properly you must have options or you'll get too caught up with the person. You can give him sex and then the next day he might ghost you, thats the risk you take in trying to find a partner, never forget dating is pretty ruthless.

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17 minutes ago, Tangerinedream said:

It’s a rugged road that gets better, it’s not easy. 98741783-04D0-47EE-B78D-E452600FE1BE.jpeg

 

There are stages after power struggle ? xD


Spirituality is not the renunciation of life

It is the art of living fully

 

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Just now, Shin said:

There are stages after power struggle ? xD

Hehe. battle of the egos. But of course, This could also be incompatiblity. But this stage could be more or less skimmed over if both ppl had already did the finding of themselves and self love part. the way I see it tho is more like facing challenges along the way, but coming out stronger on the other side.  
 

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5 minutes ago, Bando said:

@Preety_India Don't be like the guys in the forum and ask for so much advice only going to get lost in theory, ts going to set you back even further.  Im pretty sure you know what to look for in a man that you would like to be with so just use that measurement.

Just as the guys here preach not to take a woman serious until she puts out I suggest you don't overinvest until you start seeing the qualities you want from this guy. You may hold sex to a higher standard than most women so instead of putting out you could flirt and possibly hint towards it if he plays his cards right.

As harsh as this might sound, the number one rule in dating is to never overinvest until the person has reached your standard, to do this properly you must have options or you'll get too caught up with the person. You can give him sex and then the next day he might ghost you, thats the risk you take in trying to find a partner, never forget dating is pretty ruthless.

I will not give him sex 

I don't have sex so easily with the men in my life. Sex only happens when they are proper boyfriend material 

And that happens when I see that the guy is emotionally attached to me and has been loving and trustworthy in general.

The problem that I faced with men in the past is that they were nice in the first 6 months. But over time they would cheat or turn out to be scamming me or betraying me.

It created a lot of frustration because I trusted them to be my future partners but they wouldn't match the standard in terms of loyalty or care/love 

So I had to break up with them 

I don't want the same pattern to keep repeating in my life. 

I have had 4 boyfriends up until now and I'm tired of dealing with men who are nice in the beginning and bad later. Just manipulative shit. 

I want a man with whom I can finally have a family  with and who wouldn't betray my trust.

It's hard because every guy is good initially.

That's why I want to know how I can know that the guy is the real guy who wants sincere relationship with me with no intent to abandon or cheat or play me for a fool. 

I'm tired of that selfishness. I just want a decent plain relationship where both the girl and the guy want each other and settle down for marriage and family and are totally loyal to each other.

No guy says bad things in the beginning because they know they will lose me instantly. So they are careful not to bring out their true Colors and keep hiding it as long as possible.

How to trust a man ? Where I know that his intentions are true and he really wants to be with me out of love and not wanting to be a boyfriend just for sex or temporary company????

It's too hard.

 

I'm tired of men who play games..

 I'm sincere and faithful and loyal in my relationships until now.

It felt like I was the only one who was always sincere and loyal and committed whereas the men weren't. I was the only one who was pushing the relationship forward.

I'm fed up to the point that this is my last effort in finding a man I can find worthy of a long term partner.

 

I'm tired of dumping men. I'm tired of going through the same disappointment in every relationship where I am the only one who wants the relationship and the other party is always trying to fool me in the name of love.

I would love to see a guy stepping up and saying things that he really means, not making fake promises, stepping up to keep my trust and make the relationship work instead of waiting till I dump him out of frustration.

I don't want to be the waiting girlfriend anymore.

 

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl..

Preety preety

 

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dont make a guy priority .. find something you truly truly love a this thing will autocorrect since you wont be desperate.

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@Preety_India I have no idea how old you are, but I get the sense it's on the younger side. I'm not that old either, 21, and frankly I don't even want to think about settling down with someone at this stage. You're looking for 'the one' but you're expecting to find them in the first few relationships you have. What would the chances be? 

Your perspective as a girl will likely be different to mine, but the general sentiment of safely and healthily exploring what's out there is a good one for both male and female, I think.

Personally, I lose attraction to girls who start talking about things really long term early in the relationship. It gives me the something like the 'ick' feeling girls apparently get when they speak to creepy dudes. There's a big difference between a co-companion to support me (and to whom I can offer support) and someone who is going to demand my attention 24/7 and distract me from everything else I want to do in life.

When you say you'll give up everything for a person, there's also a subtle implication that you'd expect the same from them. And to a guy (or at least to me) I'd read that as "she's going to demand my attention 24/7" which ultimately leads to an imbalanced life.

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@something_else I'm generally not an attention seeker in a relationship but I'm high on commitment in general. I don't like people who say flippant things and don't mean what they say.

I like guys who are serious about commitment. 

I don't need attention.

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl..

Preety preety

 

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@Preety_India Don't be surprised if this guy dumps you after he gets tired of playing with you. This will not have a happy ending.

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@Preety_India Because of how invested you are so soon in the relationship. Based on what you stated he told you, he does not see you as a potential long-term relationship. 

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1 minute ago, Preety_India said:

@Harlen Kelly he does like me and it seems genuine.

That does not mean he wants to have a long-term relationship with you. You are just infatuated by him, that infatuation is warping your perspective. 

As I said, this will not have a happy ending.

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2 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

That does not mean he wants to have a long-term relationship with you. You are just infatuated by him, that infatuation is warping your perspective. 

As I said, this will not have a happy ending.

And what would mean that he wants a long term relationship?

What signs ?

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl..

Preety preety

 

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