He called me stupid

[kamill]

dont make a guy priority .. find something you truly truly love a this thing will autocorrect since you wont be desperate.

[something_else]

@Preety_India I have no idea how old you are, but I get the sense it's on the younger side. I'm not that old either, 21, and frankly I don't even want to think about settling down with someone at this stage. You're looking for 'the one' but you're expecting to find them in the first few relationships you have. What would the chances be? 

Your perspective as a girl will likely be different to mine, but the general sentiment of safely and healthily exploring what's out there is a good one for both male and female, I think.

Personally, I lose attraction to girls who start talking about things really long term early in the relationship. It gives me the something like the 'ick' feeling girls apparently get when they speak to creepy dudes. There's a big difference between a co-companion to support me (and to whom I can offer support) and someone who is going to demand my attention 24/7 and distract me from everything else I want to do in life.

When you say you'll give up everything for a person, there's also a subtle implication that you'd expect the same from them. And to a guy (or at least to me) I'd read that as "she's going to demand my attention 24/7" which ultimately leads to an imbalanced life.

[Preety_India]

@something_else I'm generally not an attention seeker in a relationship but I'm high on commitment in general. I don't like people who say flippant things and don't mean what they say.

I like guys who are serious about commitment. 

I don't need attention.

 

[Harlen Kelly]

@Preety_India Don't be surprised if this guy dumps you after he gets tired of playing with you. This will not have a happy ending.

[Preety_India]

@Harlen Kelly why ?

 

[Harlen Kelly]

@Preety_India Because of how invested you are so soon in the relationship. Based on what you stated he told you, he does not see you as a potential long-term relationship. 

[Preety_India]

@Harlen Kelly he does like me and it seems genuine.

 

[Harlen Kelly]

1 minute ago, Preety_India said:

@Harlen Kelly he does like me and it seems genuine.

That does not mean he wants to have a long-term relationship with you. You are just infatuated by him, that infatuation is warping your perspective. 

As I said, this will not have a happy ending.

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Harlen Kelly said:

That does not mean he wants to have a long-term relationship with you. You are just infatuated by him, that infatuation is warping your perspective. 

As I said, this will not have a happy ending.

And what would mean that he wants a long term relationship?

What signs ?

 

[Harlen Kelly]

@Preety_India At least from the perspective of a man, we don't really take seriously the women who get extra needy at the beginning of the relationship.

Men tend to play for a little while with those types of women and dump them afterwards.  

[Preety_India]

@Harlen Kelly I see him as a needy guy.

I like his neediness.

 

[something_else]

33 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@something_else I'm generally not an attention seeker in a relationship but I'm high on commitment in general. I don't like people who say flippant things and don't mean what they say.

I like guys who are serious about commitment. 

I don't need attention.

 

That's good. But my point was to offer a male perspective in terms of how this guy may interpret your actions. From his perspective, he may be thinking that you're going to demand more of his attention than he wishes to give.

From what I can tell, commitment is often a man's bargaining chip in the dating world. Don't expect him to give it up so easily, in the same way you require a lot of criteria to be met before you'll sleep with a guy.

[Preety_India]

Just now, something_else said:

That's good. But my point was to offer a male perspective in terms of how this guy may interpret your actions. From his perspective, he may be thinking that you're going to demand more of his attention than he wishes to give.

From what I can tell, commitment is often a man's bargaining chip in the dating world. Don't expect him to give it up so easily, in the same way you require a lot of criteria to be met before you'll sleep with a guy.

Yep I get that. That makes sense.

 

[Preety_India]

I want to get this one side corrected and then everything will be alright.

 

[Zeroguy]

Can you just be spontaneous without need for "fixing" anything? 

Allowing natural flow of relationship also allowing that guy to feel free too. Maybe he will start showing "better side"? 

[Preety_India]

Just now, Zeroguy said:

Can you just be spontaneous without need for "fixing" anything? 

Allowing natural flow of relationship also allowing that guy to feel free too. Maybe he will start showing "better side"? 

Hmm. You have a good point. I'll try to do that.

I should keep that in mind. 

Thanks zero

 

[Zeroguy]

Honestly with such your behaivor I will myself dump you immediatelly. 

[Preety_India]

11 minutes ago, Zeroguy said:

Honestly with such your behaivor I will myself dump you immediatelly. 

I'm aware that sometimes I act stupid

But I can't expect myself to be perfectly sane.

I'm only Human. 

I can't guarantee that I will always be wise. 

I can be erratic. 

I'm just trying to be honest with myself. I don't like to put on a show.

 

I would rather have a guy dump me for being who I am than accept me for being someone that I am not.

Thanks for being honest with me.

[Nahm]

On 6/20/2021 at 6:36 PM, Preety_India said:

He is my potential date. I kinda like him…. I told him I  would do everything in the world for him.  I told him I'll give up my life for him.

Give The Six Pillars of Self Esteem a read, I think you’ll be glad you did. 

In truth one never feels the being called stupid, only the resonance of agreement (or not). When not, it’s readily seen as name calling; discord which belongs to the caller, never the called. 

Daily morning meditation to get some space around the thought attachment. 

Spiral Dynamics to understand the transcend-able ‘blue’ of ‘other than yourself’ authority. 

[Gregory1]

You are behaving in a VERY NEEDY way, can you see that? @Preety_India

Behaving the way you do indicates that you don't value yourself a lot and feel like you need another person to make you complete. Telling a guy you obviously DO NOT KNOW that you would do ANYTHING for him is extremely foolish. You should never say something like that, it IS stupid. Can you see that? You DO NOT KNOW HIM. Why the hell would you tell somebody that you do not know, that you would DO EVERYTHING for them??? Simply stupid. (We all do stupid things sometimes but you need to see very clearly that your behaviour was absolute sillyness).

Behaving like this is THE CAUSE you come together with the wrong guys. By saying that you would do anything for them (NEVER say that, NEVER, don't even THINK that)... by saying that, you basically say: "You can do whatever you want, I have no standards and do not value myself very much"... No wonder that the guy then cheats on you or leaves you.

If I would be dating a girl that would behave in that way, I would propably leave her.