The Buddha

What was that insight that changed it all?

50 posts in this topic

For me it's that time really doesn't exist. It sort of crept up on me and took me by surprise. Detaching from time is immensely freeing and I feel a lot lighter. And the implications are mind blowing, the main one being that "this" is all just nothing. Another is that I was created just now fully formed.

Another insight which I had more recently, I can't even really put into words. But it's something like, all qualia are relative to each other, it's the contrast between them that makes them exist. And what creates the contrast in the first place is awareness being aware of itself. Something like that.


Conciousness is not conciousness, it's a word.

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On 1/31/2021 at 1:48 PM, Valwyndir said:

If I were to think this thought, I wouldn't just die, but I would cease to exist. 

God would kill itself. 

 

Lucky for you - it's the one thing you can't do as God.  You can't destroy yourself - other than through imagining it and tricking yourself - which it appears you did a very good job of :)

 


 

Wisdom.  Truth.  Love.

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I'm viewing this from nonexistence and yet here i am typing this. I imagine everyone else is too.

giphy.gif

I hope the gif isn't too flashy. 

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23 hours ago, Moksha said:

For me, the catalytic insight was that my conditioned mind has always been the source of my suffering. I saw my ego for what it truly was. I knew, beyond doubt, that my ego could never be trusted. When I directly realized this, I pried my fingers from the ledge that I had been clinging to all of my life, and fell into the void. It was a freefall away from "myself", and the Love that is my true Self caught me, and has kept me safe ever since.

?:x


Presence. Goodness. Feeling.

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On 1/31/2021 at 2:48 PM, Valwyndir said:

I wouldn't call this the climax, but this could be considered the deepest and most powerful experience I've had.

I started to realize that reality was a thought. I understood that reality was my imagination, but I hadn't fully understood what that meant. 

I began to realize that "consciousness" in the way I conceptualized it was not the "base" of reality. 

Instead, I had this incredible insight that just as smaller and smaller particles make up the physical world, 

Smaller and smaller thoughts make up consciousness. I now see consciousness as a stream of harmonious thought rather than some kind of substrate. 

Essentially your reality is a giant thought comprised of smaller and smaller thoughts.

You can become directly aware of a part of your subconscious that you previously had no access to.

You can become aware about how you are thinking that you are on planet earth right now. 

That thought never actually goes away in day to day life like you might believe, it just moves into the background. 

As I dove deeper and deeper into this insight I began to have the most dangerous thought you could possibly have.

I began to have the one thought that can't ever be fully thought of. 

The thought that ends all thoughts. Even thoughts beyond the human mind. The thought of the cessation of all mortal and divine thought.

I began to think that I didn't exist. And not I as the ego, but I as the true self.  

This wasn't any sort of ego death experience. I've had many of those to varying degrees. This was far deeper and more dangerous. 

If I were to think this thought, I wouldn't just die, but I would cease to exist. 

God would kill itself. 

Now of course, this thought could never actually be completely thought. That's the beauty of it. It's only possible to experience the onset.  

I experienced the beginning of a death so unfathomably ineffable that I would never attempt to explain it.

But imagine being sucked into a blackhole the size of an electron. Then multiply that by infinity.  

This wasn't the death of the ego, but beginning of the death of God.

This wasn't some experience to accept and practice non-resistance. 

This was an experience where resistance was mandatory.

I did everything I could to ground myself. I thought of the most human thing I could do to snap back into illusion.

I searched for the most unconscious porn I could find and started masturbating like an animal.  

After a few minutes, the thought subsided and I was back in the material world. 

This made me feel more alive than I ever had before. 

I was reborn. But I wasn't a new person.

I was a new God. 

 

 

@Valwyndir Man it's crazy, I've experienced the exact same thing with some of my psychedelic experiences, and other times I was able to comfortably abide in this non-dual state where I can see that everything is mind, we are all the same being etc. without feeling like I'm going to disappear, I wonder why this is?

Leo described the same experience in his "What is Reality" video like 20-30 minutes in when he talked about emergency sirens going off or something like that when you start going down that slippery slope and unravelling reality a little too much and shit gets a little too real. I was sober when I watched the video for the first time but as he start saying that stuff it started happening again and I had to pause it because it felt like if I didn't I would have dissolved myself out of existence lol.

I guess it feels like this fear reaction is in a sense the "force" that keeps reality infinitely going? As you approach this non-existence (which by definition can't exist?) there comes a point where your survival instinct (which is really just the physical impossibility for nothing to exist) kicks in, and your fear of non-existence fuels you to stay alive by any means, and staying alive basically means not being still? Move your mind by thinking thoughts or move your body or make sounds, just do SOMETHING to keep existing. I guess as you look around you in life this is all you see. Motion/Vibration? Birds chirping, animals running around, humans going through their motions, etc. Nothing is truly still, except for the stillness/nothingness that forces everything else to stay in motion. 

It's interesting then how you can then flip things to see this fear of death as actually equivalent to the love/joy of existence depending on what perspective you look at it from. Are we running from death, or are we running towards life?

I don't really know why I'm even writing this, I guess this is just journalling since apparently I'm writing to myself. Anyways, peace man have a good night.

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First "insight" that really got me going was when I learned about Spiral Dynamics. It changed my life. I still remember watching Leo's first video about it, stoned out of my mind, pausing every 10 minutes and just enjoying the experience of learning something so awesome.

Second would be that why materialism is not possible and simply quite ridiculous. Realized that there to be any form, the simplest square, ball, or cube, is due to "consciousness".

Third, feeling/emotions, and body awareness. Truth ain't a statement, thought, or some logical thing, but more like a feeling or sensation. What if the universe is an emotion?

Fourth, and with this one I'm only scratching the surface, not even close to full bloom, unity/love/Self. This seems to be a complete game-changer.


Everyone is waiting for eternity but the Shaman asks: "how about today?"

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Recognizing this 'YOU' character only exists in conditioned thought.


“Everything is honoured, but nothing matters.” — Eckhart Tolle.

"I have lived on the lip of insanity, wanting to know reasons, knocking on a door. It opens. I've been knocking from the inside." -- Rumi

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I never have to try to 'be myself'.. I always just AM myself, without trying (whether 'I' = 'some individual locus of attention' or 'I' = 'Everything/God', doesn't matter).  There's nothing for 'me' to do, except 'be myself', and I'm always doing that, effortlessly. 


"I could be the walrus. I'd still have to bum rides off people."

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that I, as a human, have the same relevance as an ant, or a rat. my i is completely irrelevant, almost inexistent. Only the substance exist, the shape is an illusion. 

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I am the devil, I am everything, this is what Jesus meant by communion, there's no me, sort of following or simultaneously, I dunno. (Was religious and used to believe in and intensely fear the devil much of my early life). Also later realized I'd already had this insight as a child, thought it was a dark intrusive thought, and felt it to be one of the most intense forms of suffering I'd ever experienced. Later labeled myself OCD. Realized that back then the feeling was telling me that the way I FELT about the thought "accept the devil into your soul" and felt that I had to resist it with everything I had, was what was so very "wrong", not the thought itself. 

Phew.

Like, can't even find words to describe the relief of that one. Didn't even know the misunderstanding was still stuck there, 20 years later. 


My Youtube Channel- Light on Earth “We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”― Robert Frost

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I am the devil.

I am God.

I don't know anything.

It's just me, the infinite ocean, forever.

Nothing ever really happens.

Whatever is dependent, is not.

Boundlessness

No meaning or purpose

Nothing is as it appears; all experience is projection -- no me = no consciousness.

There isn't anyone to do anything, and there never was.

This is exactly what is looked for -- sense of separate self seen as a circular paradoxical/illogical pattern / spiral concentrically reaching its center point and realizing it is just part of the show and it's an illusion -- it can never know it's not there.

This experience is an infinitesimal drop in an infinite fractal of being.

Higher beings are privy to my current state.

Merging with the Godhead / higher density complexes is possible.

Love is all there is.

Edited by The0Self

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5 hours ago, mandyjw said:

I am the devil, I am everything, this is what Jesus meant by communion, there's no me, sort of following or simultaneously

The fictional character Jesus never said any of this shit, not one line of this, on the fictional bible book. So why do you lie so much?

 

Communion does not mean " everything" nor "devil" nor "no me". None of these meaningless phrases were ever mentioned.

Edited by RealTruth

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2 hours ago, The0Self said:

I am the devil.

I am God.

I don't know anything.

It's just me, the infinite ocean, forever.

Nothing ever really happens.

Whatever is dependent, is not.

Boundlessness

No meaning or purpose

Nothing is as it appears; all experience is projection -- no me = no consciousness.

There isn't anyone to do anything, and there never was.

This is exactly what is looked for -- sense of separate self seen as a circular paradoxical/illogical pattern / spiral concentrically reaching its center point and realizing it is just part of the show and it's an illusion -- it can never know it's not there.

This experience is an infinitesimal drop in an infinite fractal of being.

Higher beings are privy to my current state.

Merging with the Godhead / higher density complexes is possible.

Love is all there is.

Lmfaoo what a bunch of meaningless drivel

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My first one was on a mushroom trip some 11-12 years ago. I was looking at my hand and crying with great sorrow at the realisation that this 'Codrina' I thought I were, and imagined would remain after death of the body, was not there. 

The last one, a few months back - most powerful one yet - when I realized, cooking one morning, that behind all eyes, through all experience, through all change, there is the never changing, forever still, perfectly peaceful 'I' 

 

 

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12 minutes ago, Codrina said:

My first one was on a mushroom trip some 11-12 years ago. I was looking at my hand and crying with great sorrow at the realisation that this 'Codrina' I thought I were, and imagined would remain after death of the body, was not there. 

The last one, a few months back - most powerful one yet - when I realized, cooking one morning, that behind all eyes, through all experience, through all change, there is the never changing, forever still, perfectly peaceful 'I' 

 

 

Interesting story, fortunately the 'I' is an illusion.

its a tuff break for the sense of 'I' though. ❤

 


“Everything is honoured, but nothing matters.” — Eckhart Tolle.

"I have lived on the lip of insanity, wanting to know reasons, knocking on a door. It opens. I've been knocking from the inside." -- Rumi

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