ivankiss

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  1. Title of the track: 'And So It Is'
  2. And it's freaking done. The song is officially finished, tonight. I mean, I'm sure I'll be doing and adding some tweaks and touches later on, but for now, this is it. All of it. 6:55 minutes of rock solid material. 9 instruments. Lots of colors and cool dynamics. It took me more than 3 months to write down this beast. It was a rollercoaster, to say the least. I went through all kinds of shit in that period, and it somehow translated into this song. I'm more than happy and satisfied with the final product. Even though it's not actually final, just yet. Next step is recording. And that is going to take some more time - I imagine. Right now I do not have all the stuff I need to make it happen. But, I'm working on it, steadily. All in all; things are looking awesome, musically speaking. My new sound/style is one step closer to fully coming to life. Beautiful.
  3. We shared quite a few nice moments on here. He seemed like a very cool, joyful and loving guy. I loved interacting with him. I did not know him irl, but man, it's so hard to believe... My condolences to his family and loved ones. Much love and respect.
  4. @somegirl Samo kad sam nice guy haha! Od srca fala, pozić!
  5. @somegirl I see what you mean, and it's kinda flattering, so thanks haha. There is definitely some true to that. I absolutely love women, and more often than not, things indeed flow quite effortlessly. It just kinda happens on its own. But, as I mentioned a few times here already, this is just a phase I'm going through now. And it's all kinda new and strange to me. I was jumping from relationship to relationship for the past ten years. Being committed to just one woman, one relationship, is not alien to me. In fact; I prefer one over the many. It's just that I want to be single for some time now. And during that period, I'm free to play around, explore and experiment, as much as I want. I really want to meet a girl that I'd fall hopelessly in love with, and forget that other women even exist... but something tells me, that's not going to happen anytime soon. It's a few more chapters ahead.
  6. Well, the night is kinda funny.. I made out with V, hang out in a bar and flirted with a bonkers hot redhead, and now I'm at some random cool dude's place, about to go to Serbian Beauty's place soon. Wat
  7. One thing led to another and.. V and I are back in touch. We texted earlier. She had no clue I was gone even, let alone that I'm back. We stopped talking a while ago. Not gonna lie, I'd really like to hook up with her again. I've been craving something a bit curvier these days... Sometimes bigger girls turn me on, a lot. And V has this amazing phat juicy ass, and absolutely gigantic boobs. Not to mention that you can really go all crazy with her. She said she's too tired tonight, but she's down for a movie night one of these days. Let's see.
  8. And here it is... Closure. J and I talked last night. It was very nice and heartfelt. Real and honest. Direct. Basically, my assumption turned out to be true. She's seeing another guy. And the way things look, it's likely to turn into something more serious. I wasn't surprised at all. I think she turned 29 recently. It makes sense she's not looking to fool around anymore and wants to settle down. I honestly hope she found herself the right guy. She's truly an amazing girl. Has a lot to offer. We both expressed how grateful we are for the experience we had, how fun and beautiful it was, etc. We will both keep those memories in a special place in our hearts. And that's it, I guess. This is an official goodbye to J. Looks like @Hulia 's wish came true, after all haha! J found herself a good man for a serious relationship. You win! Haha! All jokes aside... It was truly magical, and I cannot lie, I really wanted us to hook up again, but it's like deep down I knew all along it wouldn't happen. It remains to be an epic little summer adventure. Short and sweet. I'm not too bummed out or anything. J was definitely something very special and unique, but so is every other girl, in her own way. I'm certain I will click with someone else in the future, similarly, or even much deeper. She still wants to grab a coffee here and there and whatnot, and idk, maybe I'd be down for it, once in a blue moon. But I'm leaning more towards not. I must keep my priorities tight and straight. I cannot lie to myself or her. I simply have no real interest in hanging out if we're not hooking up. I think it's only fair that I stay true to how I really feel. Goodbye J. May your heart find everything it seeks. Much love.
  9. @Etherial Cat Thanks If you don't mind... I remember you once saying this: What are you thoughts now? You think we managed to keep it smooth and chill throughout? Is a healthy fwb relationship possible? Serbian beauty is another good example. We had sex multiple times, I spent 3 months away, came back, and we're still good. No one got hurt, everyone seems happy and satisfied. Is that possible? Or am I not seeing something?
  10. @Etherial Cat Maybe. And maybe I feel something a bit more towards her than just wanting to have sex, too. But I know a relationship is not a smart idea.
  11. Caught up with Serbian beauty last night, briefly. Some nice, playful vibes. A bit of flirting. But, I did not end up going back to her place. She was all drained from some party she attended the previous night. And I wasn't really feeling it either, to be honest. She mentioned something about hanging out at her place these days, maybe it happens, maybe not. I won't put too much effort into it. Because, as I mentioned, I feel like I can find a better match. Serbian beauty is spontaneous fun, here and there. She's definitely no reliable fuck buddy material lol. Another interesting thing is, J texted me yesterday, after three or so weeks of silence. I was pleasantly surprised. Kinda thought she did not want to keep in touch anymore. Last time we met, she mentioned she's texting some guy. So I assumed I did not fit into the picture. But I might have been wrong. I'm not sure yet where things are going, but I will find out very soon. Have no time to fool around for too long. She proposed another drink, and that's cool, but again, I must let her know that I see her as more. That I am sexually attracted to her and that I want her in my bed. As opposed to Serbian beauty, J actually is the kind of girl you'd sit down with and communicate things directly. I must let her know that I want her. Will see where things go from there. I mean, it would be a pity if we did not end up hooking up again. Those long summer nights that we spent together were absolutely out of this world perfect. Totally magical. I see no reason why we should not repeat. Besides that, not much is happening currently. As I said, I don't really feel like dating or chasing girls around right now. With these two girls, things kinda started happening on their own. I barely had to show any effort. So I'm kinda rolling with it. And so far I like it very much. When I do decide to be more active though, there will be no shortage of opportunities. There are hot girls on every step. And they're not going anywhere. I can join the playground any time. No rush.
  12. Last night was magic. Divine orchestration. Perfect timing. As soon as I let go and made peace with things not exactly going the way I wanted; everything flipped last minute, and it all worked out perfectly. It's not the first time I experienced this. It's like my faith is being tested or something lol. My letting go muscles are being exercised. Everything always works out. All is well.
  13. The Sun is shining on me. It feels amazing. I sit and do nothing, for quite some time. I enjoy a moment of not knowing anything at all. Not being anyone. Not doing anything. Not trying to get anywhere or achieve anything. I sit here completely untouched by any label, role, purpose or meaning. I have no idea what any of this is. I don't know what's happening with me or around me. In this moment, I don't really care. The Sun is shining so nice. As soon as I let go and detach, a lot of things fall into their place on their own, and the picture becomes clearer. I've been embracing a lot of change, and a part of me is kinda struggling to grab a hold of something, anything, that it could recognize and identify with. Something familiar, something known, something that represents home. I am aware that this is going on, and there's not much I can do about it. Other than breathing my way through it. Change is good, and it's what I signed up for, so to speak. It's a game I want to play. Ultimately, everything that seems to be strange, alien or unknown, can only end up being discovered and recognized as the one and only Self. Because, there is nothing but it. It's just disguised as 'something else'. Or 'something unknown'. I know this deep down, and it helps, but still, life does not care about what you know. It just keeps going and going. What you know, you must demonstrate by participating. By being that intelligence, right here and right now. That's where things get very real.
  14. Nope. I never do that.
  15. PROXY I'm a surrogate I'm archetypal and itinerant I'm your excuse to long For a superior I will undertake I will overcome Imperfection you will find Look close enough Tear off the mask I need This endeavor is not mine You subject me to the daggers you conceive I'm stronger than I was before Thus you reinforce these walls I can't fight you anymore Threatened by the open door All the chances I ignore I can't stand still anymore The day is done Nothing left to say Resting head in hands Wishing I had known my place To take a stand The errand of a fool I'm not to reprimand I'm here to help you through Is nothing like it seems? Living in this sequence, a dream Is nothing like it seems? Gather broken shards of self esteem