ivankiss

Dark skies were beating me down with shadows of deceit slashing at trust till it forever bleeds with doubt, with pain, with trust is pain When you taste the truth you will see like others before me, to you I am past, a story to tell Tell it

Holding on to pain, it may seem to some The easy way, to say o.k. Twist your knife a little deeper Enforce the words no more, be free Alone you might just find serenity To forgive is to suffer

Once or twice is kind Three or four is blind

In observation, I analyze All the aspects of humanity that I despise I am the voyager I have tasted pleasures of the flesh And drunk the pleasures of the mind To reach the point I've attained Clear focused and defined

I'd say she does. She's not going out alone, doesn't do drugs anymore, etc. She's spending most of her free time with me. It took a lot of talking and some arguing, but I think she's sticking to our agreements. I just doubt she's truly changed. I think she's just trying to be on her best behaviour to give me the impression that she's a good girlfriend. Again, not trusting her fully and not taking her too seriously. It's too risky. Might end up burning myself bad. Better keep some distance.

Lol. Well, that's kind of what I'm trying to figure out. Can I trust her or not? Of course she gave me all the 'you're the best I ever had, you fuck me like no one else, I cannot even think of being with someone else', etc... but is it all just bullshit or is it for real? That's what I'm unsure of.

@StarStruck I understand that. It's not like I could not easily have a side chick. Or several. It's just that I don't like playing these kinds of nasty games. I want to know where we stand. And she's kinda shady...

@Leo Gura No, I think that talking too much and setting up too many rules would have a counter effect. She's just that kind of a girl, and as long as I choose to be with her, I have to learn to be immune to it. Maybe a nice balance between #1 and #2 is the way.

@Leo Gura I didn't ask for a picture or anything. Didn't text or nag her in any way. But if someone looked into your eyes and said that they have a long history of cheating and lying in relationships, you would worry too. It's not always insecurity. Sometimes there are legit reasons to worry. Even though I am doing this willingly. I know I'm playing with fire. Kind of gravitating towards this lately, yes. We did talk a lot, but I still wouldn't say that I trust her completely. So better detach a bit and not give it too much importance. As I said, I'm not taking this relationship too seriously.

@The0Self Yeah, I don't really need it to be open on any end. I'm perfectly satisfied with one girl only. This one or another. I had threesomes before, and it can be great I guess, but actually fully involving another girl into our relationship would be too much I guess. Too much drama and too expensive too lol. So yeah, I guess I'm open for some casual fun with another girl, but that's all. And I wouldn't miss it if it didn't happen. Btw, she just sent me a picture of the party... It looks quite chill and harmless. No guys around that are threatening in my eyes either lol. She's trying, I think...

@The0Self Yeah, we talked a lot about all this stuff. She kind of admitted that she does not know how to handle these situations. But she says she would draw the line if someone was to start touching her or anything like that. Clearly, even me having to bring this issue up says a lot... I'm not taking this girl super seriously, because of this and other red flags. But if we can improve certain things, why not try. I think she does not have bad intentions, just doesn't know how to navigate this stuff. She was always in relationships where there was cheating and stuff going on in the background, so it makes sense why she did not develop ways to deal with this. She just kind of went along with it before. She does enjoy the attention. Self esteem issues, and so on. Her words... But still, she says I shouldn't worry. @mr_engineer Yes, we did talk about it. She's bi and wouldn't mind another girl in this dynamic. And maybe, possibly, I would be up for that too. But another guy in the picture is just not an option. She's more for polyamory than against it, but supposedly wants us to be exclusive. She did not want an open relationship when I asked her about it.

My girlfriend of 6 months is a complete flirt. She's trying to handle her shit, now that we're together, but still, it's obvious that she doesn't know how to draw clear boundaries and tell guys to fuck off. She's hot and she's oozing with sex appeal. Super charismatic and kind of overly friendly. So of course guys are hitting on her from left and right. She apears to be quite open and available. I'm not too worried about her actually fucking someone behind my back... But what I am worried about is her entertaining these dudes who are hitting on her and not letting them know clearly that she's not interested. She usually giggles, tries to laugh it off, etc. It's like a defense mechanism. I don't like that. She should know how to handle these situations better, when I'm not around. Just today, for example l, I am working and she's going to a birthday party without me. I know there's going to be plenty of drunk guys trying to hit on her there... It's not pleasant to think about. I hope she can handle her shit. What is your experience with this? Guys - how did your girlfriend handle this kind of stuff while you were together? And girls - how do you go about setting clear boundaries when a guy is super persistent but you're not available or interested? How do you police your shit?

Please forgive my twisted desire to be your saviour

When I'm composing, I never know where the song might take me. There are infinite directions you could go, when writing a piece of music. It's really about listening real close and letting the music tell you where it wants to go. You simply follow and write things down. I think that's how you achieve that perfect flow. Happy with what I'm currently working on. It's coming together real nice.

Feeling pretty damn good. Optimistic and enthusiastic. Probably because sex was fucking great last night. And this morning lol. It's been a few rough days, but over all things are good. Great things are heading my way. I know it. I just have to survive the lows, when they come. All is well, and sometimes life can suck ass. It's all how it should be.