Solvinden

Lasting longer in bed

33 posts in this topic

Hey Guys,

do you have any tips on how to last longer in bed?
Especially when I trust very hard and fast I last less than a minute.
I tried deep/slow breathing, relaxing, focussing on sth different/changing the position/starting slow, etc.

While these things help, they do not help enough.
Are there techniques with which I can thrust very hard and fast for a long period of time?
Maybe techniques that give you an orgasm without ejaculation can help?

Thanks for your advice guys!
Solvinden

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Having sex standing up, makes a big difference in my experience. If that doesn't work maybe some others position works for you. 

Focusing specifically on your body's movement and not your feelings or focusing only on making the girl feel good so that you forget your own sensations may work? 

Have you ever tried to do it or for example masturbate while thinking about the gender that you are not interested in, personally that will keep you stiff as long as you keep going. 

Also you can focus on joy instead of lust. So instead of feeling the sensation of your thingy, you experience/create joy instead.

One more thing, in sex 2 persons energies kinda becomes the same so you may want to try to seperate your experience from your girlfriend. Kinda like when you hug someone you don't like but don't dislike either, a platonic hug instead of one full of sensations. Try keep your way of being to yourself so that sex becomes more of a conscious instead of unconscious experience where you are the one in charge not your compulsions. 

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I would recommend slowing down. It’s not a race. Feel into it, use Your imagination . Discover Your partner, listen, learn to move energy etc. It’s an art.

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Thanks for the answers guys!

Going a little slower is what I normally do. Then I can last really really long. However, my girlfriend says she can't reach orgasm with this slower speed. Also I would enjoy it more to go harder and faster without ejaculating immediately. (:

Sex while standing is a little better, the other things also make sense and help a little bit (except for the masturbation thing, I will try this, lol)

My main concern is wanting to bring her to orgasm (She never had an orgasm during sex in her life, but also had not had too many partners). The sex with her is very good and I use principles from "The Sex God Method" (Dominance, Emotions, Immersion, Variance). Right now, it feels that I can improve the most by lasting longer during hard and fast sex.

I feel that maybe there is some big puzzle piece that I'm still missing.

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The breathing and relaxation you mentioned are really important, especially relaxation of the front of your body where the sexual energy moves. You can also strengthen the floor of your pelvis by upward contraction to give you the muscular capability to prevent you to cum out your genitals.

David Deida is a master of this field. I would recommend reading his books. His aim is to teach you shoot your orgasm up into your brain and even further.

Then there are also those practical options you're most likely aware of already, such as using a condom or trying to go more than once. You can also learn to give her amazing orgasms with your tongue and fingers.

 

Edited by Snader

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@Solvinden SSRI's are approved for the treatment of premature ejaculation

On a medium/high dose, I almost couldn't achieve orgasm masturbating at all


"Reality is brutal and it does not care about being fair to you."

                                                                                            -- Leo Gura

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As weird as it may sound, not moving much.

Usually when the girl is doing most of the work (e.g. cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, or whatever your imagination allows for) and I'm just slapping her ass, or playing with her tits or whatever, it takes me way longer. She could come twice and I wasn't even halfway there. 

Edited by JohnnyAb

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Slow down. This fast sex desensitises the genitals in the long term. That's the case for both men and women. I'm guessing this is why your gf can't come. She never learnt to feel the subtle energies moving through her and probably doesn't even know what she's really looking for in sex. You wanting to give her an orgasm (which is meant as a sweet gesture) might put a lot of pressure on her and I doubt that going harder and faster is gonna get you there... At least for me, that's not how it works. Just my experience of course, but as a woman, I really don't care that much about the orgasm. Even when I had great ones, it's not the best part of sex. When I'm thinking about sex it's insane connection, vulnerability, polarity and play that makes it "good". It's not about a special technique or speed.

Try and put the focus completely off orgasm for some time, try to enjoy the process and see what happens.

It's been recommended 100 times on this forum, but check out David Deidas work. Also look into tantra and read "Slow Sex" by Diana Richardson (Thanks @aurum:ph34r: Life changing book!)


My website: The Inward Morning

Dei nostri templum terrarum orbus est

 

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3 hours ago, flume said:

Also look into tantra and read "Slow Sex" by Diana Richardson (Thanks @aurum:ph34r: Life changing book!)

Diana should just pay me already xD.

Glad it helped you!

2 hours ago, Thought Art said:

Ahh I'm glad someone brought up ISTA. I want to do one of their workshops, looks good.

6 hours ago, Solvinden said:

My main concern is wanting to bring her to orgasm (She never had an orgasm during sex in her life, but also had not had too many partners). The sex with her is very good and I use principles from "The Sex God Method" (Dominance, Emotions, Immersion, Variance). Right now, it feels that I can improve the most by lasting longer during hard and fast sex.

That book is trash. Not saying there aren't some decent tips in there, but overall it's not something I'd recommend if you're interested in conscious sex.

Get better sources.


Follow me on Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/akourakin/

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The reason you're not lasting long is because you are probably stuck in thought and so preoccupied with the "result" and anticipating the future so much (oh my god I'm gonna cum, she is so hot I can't cum this fast or I'll look weak!) that it is actually making your body tense up and spasm out of reaction to those worries.

The antidote to this? You might think it's more thought of something negative or gross to distract you. It's actually no thought at all. You want to feel into your bodily sensations even more! Counter-intuitively this will actually make you last longer because you are now relaxing your body and slowly enjoying the process of it, instead of obsessing about the grand finale. Don't just focus your gaze on the penetration all the time, look into her eyes, notice other parts of her body, and yours too, notice little details while they arise, explore while doing the act, feel your breathing and make sure it's natural and flowing, communicate and check in now and then to make sure they are comfortable and nothing hurts.

Remember sex is shared, sacred event. Do not ever go into it with a selfish mentality of wanting to get off, your role is to be entirely focused about what YOU can give to the other person as a gift, and they will reciprocate (hopefully). Learning this has helped me become quite good in bed and made me last way longer than I used to, even the woman I'm with now who is incredibly attractive to me I can basically last an infinite amount of time unless I want to focus on finishing. It's actually kind of hard to cum when you're so preoccupied with doing what you can to satisfy the other person.

Next time you have sex @Solvinden, genuinely focus all your energy and passion into pleasing your partner and let me know if your stamina improves.

 

Edited by Roy

"Your mind can never change, unless you ask it to. Lovingly rearrange, the thoughts that make you blue."

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I find for most men, the sensitivity is a balancing act. If you're worried about keeping an erection, you may use some mental gymnastics to increase your sensitivity to maintain your erection, but this can lead to cuming too soon. It also goes in the other direction, if you're getting too sensitive, you can play mental gymnastics to decrease your sensitivity, but this draws your mind away from your partner leading to disconnect. I suggest using a cialis pill before having sex. That way it takes the balancing act of your erection and sensitivity out of the equation. Letting you be fully present with your partner. 

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@Sempiternity I think the pill is definitely not the answer, sorry. He’s ca 25 . We’re not talking to a 65 year old?

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2 hours ago, At awe said:

@Sempiternity I think the pill is definitely not the answer, sorry. He’s ca 25 . We’re not talking to a 65 year old?

Don't know where you're getting that from. Most guys I know use it, and it's common place at most any age nowadays. Makes a huge difference in sex for men. If you're not using it because you think it's only for 65 yr olds, you're missing out. 

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@Sempiternity I understand that self medicating is becoming more popular. In my opinion these pills are like fake boobs, it’s you, but not really. 

Common doesn’t mean one shouldn’t do some serious research before jumping into something that can get you some unnecessary side effects in the long run...

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Some pills can be addictive also. I second the trying to please the other person, it doesn't actually decrease your own pleasure as some might think. It can be a lot of fun for both of you.

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16 hours ago, Enlightenment said:

@Solvinden SSRI's are approved for the treatment of premature ejaculation

On a medium/high dose, I almost couldn't achieve orgasm masturbating at all

This is horrible advice.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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17 hours ago, Enlightenment said:

SSRI's are approved for the treatment of premature ejaculation

On a medium/high dose, I almost couldn't achieve orgasm masturbating at all

 From my experience, They make sex/fapping feel shitty and especially when you ejaculate. 


I am the only thing stopping myself from receiving infinite Love form Myself. I am Infinite Love for god sake.

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Cum in 20 seconds say compliments to the cheff and go for round two


Certified lazy skeptic and armchair philosopher

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