aurum

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  1. @Space I’m with Leo on this. You gotta get your money right at least enough so you can afford to live in the city. It doesn’t have to be forever, even just a year could be enough if you went hard. House share is fine. Ideally do it with other guys who are also learning game. Temporary solution might be taking the train but that doesn’t seem long term sustainable to me. Might be enough to hold you over until you rent a new place. If you have no particular love for London than maybe consider moving to another city as well.
  2. Yeah it’s very nuanced. You can get away with all sorts of crazy behavior in a night club. So pua teachers want to teach you that and show you that you’re not limited. And that you can bend social norms in your favor. At the same time, there’s always still social cues and calibration that is going on. So it’s not so much that you abandon all social rules in a night club. It’s more like you enter a new reality with much different rules. Anyway, there’s no YT video or anything like that I’d recommend. You know what it looks like when a girl is interested. You have a functioning brain that has evolved over thousands of years to read social cues. It’s very, very good at this. You just have to listen to your own cues. And if you really feel like you don’t know, maybe just google “pua IOIs (indicators of interest)”. But any list you will find online will be very limited and not robust enough for the complexity and nuance of real life socializing.
  3. @PepperBlossoms We’ve definitely swung as a society in the direction of “cheap, easy” over “beautiful and sustainable”. So I suspect a correction is coming. The problem is, even if people want to create something “beautiful and sustainable”, they often are economically incentivized to do the exact opposite. So what I think needs to happen is that economics needs to be realigned with beauty. We want our economics incentivizing beauty, not the other way around. And there may be some hard limits to that realignment. But we haven’t hit them yet. We’ve collectively barely even tried.
  4. “Too early” can be very subjective. It’s not like there’s a rule that you can only kiss a girl after X amount of time. Especially at a nightclub. More than likely what happened was your timing was just off. You probably went for it out of nowhere and came off as uncalibrated to the situation. These mistakes are how you learn. Nothing has gone wrong, this is the process. 1am?? That makes no sense. So if you get there at 12am, you’re just going to sit there in the corner by yourself, not talking to anyone for a whole hour? Meanwhile, you’re getting more and more in your head every minute that goes by. And then some magic flip is going to switch at 1am and you’ll be super social? Nah. Talk about awkward. Unless you’re already with a group of friends and having fun, you need to be talking to people as much as possible. Pickup at a night club is like swimming. If you stop being social (swimming), you drown and die. You talk bullshit. Substance matters basically zero. It just has to be fun. I strongly dislike clubs as well, but you can still have a fun time if you choose to make it fun. And since they are the ideal environment in many ways for learning, you kind of just have to do it. I would say your biggest lesson is not to not move as fast. It’s to learn how to read when it’s appropriate to kiss or not. That could be 30 seconds in, or it could be 30 minutes or 30 hours or never. What are the green lights that let you know a girl is open for a kiss? That’s a better question.
  5. If she is really deadset on this job and moving than it honestly just sounds like a compatibility issue. You’re both clear with what you want, both with yourselves and each other. But in this case that just doesn’t seem to be lining up. In my experience, it’s common that there’s sort of “that one fight” that keeps coming up in a relationship. And it sounds like this is yours. Some couples make it through that fight, some don’t. In my past relationships “that one fight” broke us up every time. But if you make it through I imagine you guys will be stronger for it. It will really cement the bond. If you have other couple friends, I would maybe talk to them about it. Find people who have worked it out in similar situations and see how they did it. Wish you guys the best.
  6. Unnecessary language calling her a slut.
  7. You have to identify what you think you struggle with. Do you think you struggle with not putting your intentions out there and not being comfortable physically? Then you might want to look at pushing your comfort zone that way. Or maybe you’re pushing for things way too fast. In which case you want to learn how to cool things down. More than likely, you’re actually doing some of both. You probably flip between not putting yourself out there at all and then dropping all your intentions way too fast. Learning calibration is the key.
  8. I wouldn’t lie about it. If you’re feeling super awkward and feel like telling her would relax you, fine. Or if she asks you about your dating past then I’d recommend telling the truth, which is you basically don’t have one.
  9. Yeah your instincts were right. Flowers is too much at this point. That’s fine, what I was more of ideal. You’re just getting started so it makes sense that you wouldn’t know. I would start asking yourself that question though. It matters to her as well. You might not be compatible. Perfect. Friday is still a couple days away, so I wouldn’t just cut all communication with her until the date. If I was in your shoes, I would likely at least confirm the morning of that we are still going.
  10. Awesome job man! Way to push your comfort zone. Keep it low key, but somewhere you can also talk freely and connect. Casual bar or coffeeshop works fine, especially if you have a place you like to go and frequently visit. You can. Don’t make a big thing over it. I would at least offer, being cheap is not attractive. NO You gotta play that by ear. See what she is receptive to, as well as how open you are feeling. Also depends on what your intentions are with this girl. Do you want some casual? A serious relationship? You want to have answered those questions well in advance of the date so there’s no confusion. I don’t know any secret to this. You just have to learn how to flow with the conversation. That in of itself the practice. The more you go into your head, the harder it will likely be. Be curious about her too. You don’t need to grill her like the inquisition, but there should be a genuine curiosity about this person you’re talking to. Who are they? Why are they the way they are? What do they struggle with? Etc. Just relax and have fun. It’s not only you and her going on a first date, it’s your first date ever. Don’t expect perfection from yourself. It’s okay if things get awkward or you stumble a bit. It’s all a learning experience.
  11. Well first off, I don’t think Cal is pushing people to just grind through a job / career they hate. The whole point of the book is based on the question of “how can I get the most satisfaction out of my career? How can I find truly fulfilling work”? He just takes a bit of a different approach. I reconcile the differences by realizing that his perspective is partial. I do think there are things I tend to be more naturally passionate about and intuitively guided towards. But I also recognize that you need skills. You want to be very, very good at what you do. And what I put into my career tends to be what I get out.
  12. @rush It's a good book with a lot of valid points. General synopsis is no one is going to pay you just because you are passionate about something. You have to actually have skills that people consider valuable. And often the more we commit to something, the more passionate we become about it. So instead of getting stuck in this never-ending search for what you're passionate about, commit to a craft and as you invest you'll come to love it. It's not bad advice overall. My biggest nitpick with his book though is that he doesn't seem to fundamentally understand why "follow your passion" is important advice. "Passion", from a spiritual perspective, is literal communication from your higher self. That feeling, that intuition, is how spirit nudges you in certain directions. And if you're not attuned to that, big problems. Cal Newport strikes me as a guy who is highly rational / analytical. He's more or less a materialist as far as I can tell. So his perspective, while valuable, I still find limiting.
  13. I would look deeper into the beliefs you have around this. Attraction is not as simple as “who has the most money / status?” Introspect on where that fear is actually coming from and why.