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About aurum
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Every accusation is a confession
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Yup that's it. I'll add that "convincing" people usually involves logical debate. But logic isn't how she's judging you, she's judging you by feeling your frame. Additionally, logical debate sets a platonic "we're equals" frame. You're no longer a man or a woman interacting.
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You'll never get it out of me
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It was a good point. My point though is that you don't have to do that to maintain frame. Frame control is more about you staying aligned with truth than convincing her of truth.
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It’s not necessary to bash women over the head with truth to assert your frame. The correct orientation is that she feels the solidity of your frame. Then her psyche surrenders in response.
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Good, that tells you’re not interested in being some narcissist. But consider the following: 1) Frame control doesn’t mean you have to be rigid all the time or can’t change your mind 2) Truth is actually possible to grasp 3) Your self-doubt and fear could also be self-deception
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Destroying her fantasies is not frame control.
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Yes. Your frame can be aligned with reality or it can be deeply self-deceived. Obviously if you're into self-actualization, we aim for the former. It looks like you being grounded in truth and then simply holding your center. Remember that your job as the masculine is to hold the frame. Frame control = leadership. She needs this from you, otherwise she cannot surrender. There is no easy solution here. You must do years of introspection, contemplation and inner work. You don't necessarily need anything overly specific or formal. Introspection, contemplation, meditation. I like engaging with this forum to help clarify my thoughts. That's a very tricky thing to do. You've already found many good resources. I would spend less time reading books and more time engaging with women and contemplating about your experiences. One powerful experience with a woman will be worth more than reading 50 books.
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Yes, but if we are talking on the whole, then the answer is no. A Stage Blue relationship will be rife with mechanical judgments, moralizing, suppression, lying, abuse and all manner of toxic, low development behavioral patterns. To think this is worse than Green is a huge sense-making error, and likely shows a bias against Green. One of the benefits of Green is that it cleans up a lot of this toxicity. The value of a vertical model like Spiral Dynamics is that it helps you avoid these kind of sense-making mistakes.
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Stage Green relationships are not more dysfunctional than Blue or Orange. This is very wrong. They have their own issues, which create the push towards SD Green. You don't want to create such a backlash against Green that you forget it's more functional than what came before it.
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You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. If you're over casual sex, then just decide you're not going to do it. You don't need the PUA community or society's permission. Exert your mental autonomy.
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aurum replied to Husseinisdoingfine's topic in Society, Politics, Government, Environment, Current Events
This will be a very good test of the progressive worldview. -
If you want more than friendship, then you need to end it. Only be friends with women who you choose to be friends with. Do not be friends with women when you are secretly hoping for more, but they've given no indication they are seriously interested in that. You are in control of the frame you set with women.
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Cold approach does not feel like spam attention. Not when you're doing it well. A good cold approach looks like her wanting to measure up to your standards, winning you over and her feeling special for doing so.
