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About bejapuskas

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  • Birthday 04/14/2003

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  1. @marinaaniram Society makes you believe so much shit about relationships, it is called *amatonormativity*, search up that term, it is really interesting. Like for example "the one who loves less wins in love", for god's sake, find someone who you love equally as they love you, isn't that common sense? If you do not love somebody and just stay with them, because you are winning by them not leaving you, by giving you lower quality love, you're by definition settling for the worse.
  2. @Mindful Bum I am sorry, I did not mean to defend Leo's position entirely, just the bit about him not trying to treat people with mental illnesses, because I actually consider that a good thing to do, that is if he just is not trained. I kinda have some mental illnesses myself, I am also queer, so like I often come into contact with people who just do not know how to respond to me. And that is just a sad reality. Of course, saying you would never be friends with somebody seems like he maybe does not really have an idea of what it means, I am not trying to defend that. Just saying, if you are seeking help, spend yourself the potential pain and trauma and seek it in resources where people are trained. Teach yourself to seek help from people who actually understand your situation, and that does not even have to be professionals, as some of them also suck. I am just saying, build boundaries around who you open up to - that sometimes means your favorite teacher is gonna keep hruting you and you might have to drop them. I am not trying to defend offences against people with mental illnesses, those really are unexcusable, everyone can read up about how not to hurt others, that should be common decency. I am just saying it is not everybody's responsibility to help everybody, we are limited humans, we need to have different of focus. Even if Leo says his content is holistic, and encompasses everything, which I don't think he entirely does, he possibly cannot. Of course he can make his videos more friendly to oppressed groups and he should, it just better to do that, but that does not mean he has to offer treatment etc., especially if he does not have training or interest to do that.
  3. @Leo Gura Maybe Leo if you are serious about what you said in your video, being more kind and understanding, you could maybe read some prose from oppressed authors. They can give you insights into lives of people who are struggling with things you do not struggle with and open your mind, or just make you understand it more. They also tend to have a lot of the emotional significance you were talking about. I liked this comic book called Gender Queer: A Memoir, read it in one sitting, it shows a lot of intersectionality, it was banned in a lot of places, because it really shows a different point of view on reality.
  4. I see becoming more accepting as kind and sensitive as equalizing the validity, and I don't mean like equalizing fascism and nazism with self-help etc., but just deconstructing authority, because it brings about more diversity. If there is one leader, they can be a leader but they are still limited by the human condition and only have one perspective, whereas there are so many other perspectives that one can see. Like even if Leo is not a therapist trained to help the mentally ill, we can work on making this forum a less stigmatized place and give the people who face issues here more platform to address this. It's not just some wokeism, it's actually like hard problem solving, caring for somebody like that. It really does help to be in an non-stigmatized place, when everywhere else is so dark. I guess equalizing all perspectives and then through that seeing that some perspectives are just way too harmful. From my experience, even if you are not a part of some group, their ideas can influence you and shape you in your own authentic way and make you realize so many things about yourself that you perhaps assumed because you have only surrounded yourself with one type of people from birth.
  5. I think it is fair for Leo to not focus on this, if he does not have the training. That is just preventing collateral damage, it is really easy to harm someone if you are not trained to help them and I mean that. I see that you guys have complaints here, which is totally understandable. How do you think we could make this forum a more inviting space for those with mental illnesses? In my opinion, some mental illnesses get demonized more than others here, what do you think? Do you see a similarity or a pattern there?
  6. I agree that following what you want is better than bullshitting yourself. But that can be different for everyone, it can be dangerous to draw conclusions on what "the majority" wants.
  7. Most people dont even really have much chance to gain a lot of power because they are simply born into a family that is not royal or elite. Then it becomes the issue too that the only base for their power is inheritance.
  8. @Average Investor Just something I observed in myself is that like sometimes being too agreeable in relation to knowing what you want means that like you intuitively know what you want but you either dont trust it, or you dont believe it because theres some judgement about yourself instilled in your mind, or maybe youre fully aware of it but you dont follow through because maybe you think you dont deserve it or how you said, maybe you think you moved too far. But moving too far I think can be prevented by realizing this. Good luck bro.
  9. @Realms of Wonder No worries It was challenging and I had to try to understand it. There are also different types of asexual and aromantic people, just like there are allosexual and alloromantic (those who experience romantic and sexual attraction in the way people usually imagine it), everyone sees it differently. So I had to go through a lot of nuances. In his case, he was assigned girl at birth and indentified that way for a long time, after which he started questioning sexuality and romance. This later translated into also becoming non-binary trans, because he could no longer identify with how society put his identity into different boxes just because of his body parts that he himself does not consider important. (he never wants to become pregnant or have sex etc. so they are kind of useless) I really resonated with this because as a perfectionist, I always try to push myself to be of greater use to this world. And this new person seemed like their life was beyond all this sex and dating I spent so much time and energy into without achieving much satisfaction. Of course later I realized they also suffer from societal pressure to do things they dont wanna do, like parents feeling entitled to push them to have kids etc. which can be quite painful. Anyways, I also explored many different types of attractions which helped me question my sexuality, like not just romantic and sexual, but also sensual, aesthetic etc. Perhaps the biggest misconception about asexuals is that they are repressed like stage blue people and that is why they are discriminated against. But actually, from my experience, they just question norma and societal pressure way more and many of them are much less repressed than allosexuals, who just engage in "vanilla sex" and dont try any other things, for example non-sexual kinky stuff, which can mean that they become so limited in which parts of their bodies are sensitive and they essentaly remain stuck. Or alloromantic people who dont question romance and just fall into weird patterns, while not trying to redefine what human connection is for themselves. But essentially I dont know what it is like to be them, its like as if a person who cannot see is being explained what it is like to see. My friend told me growing up, they essentially didnt lose their childhood hobbies. They didnt give them up to chase crushes. Which also resulted in discrimination and divide.
  10. @Average Investor I am sorry you went through that. Estabilishing good expectations and boundaries is crucial here. Slavoj Žižek said this well, wisdom is bullshit. On one side, you have "theres no such thing as a perfect person" and on the other side theres "listen to what you want". Both can be wisdom but can also be wrong in different situations. (Such as when you are stuck with someone or when you are addicted to drugs and you just wanna take them.) I think you pretty much realized it, you gotta act faster. My parents told me this thing "if you dont forgive, its only you who is hurting", which was helpful to me at one point, because I was stuck in the past blaming certain people. But it can really be self destructive to keep forgiving.
  11. @Realms of Wonder Obviously I was really influenced by the RedPill perspective even my father kind of supports and talks about. He always talked to me how its not about pleasure but rather about reproduction, how men just always enjoy it... (I later questioned my gender and idk if I am a man, but that doesnt change anything here, I think I used to be a man, or at least socialized that way, so I can bring some Insight here) I guess as a virgin I didnt understand the significance of how much this and also peer pressure to lose virginity affected me. One day I met a friend who happens to be asexual sex repulsed, and he made me question this stuff, like in his view, sex wasnt this inherently good thing, and when I talked to him and could see the world through his perspective, I could then look back and realized what I was settling for just wasnt good. I had this endurism mindset, opposite of escapism, where I just kept blaming myself for not enjoying it, either having shame od something else, but I later realized I am actually "quite a whore" and if sb cannot pleasure me, its probably also their fault. Also I tried different things, which was questionably breaking my ex's boundaries, but it made me realize I dont wanna stay in this situation. Males bodies in my opinion arent less compley than female, theyre all similarly complex and people have to learn and be sensitive.
  12. @Average Investor On a different note, I know you are a nice compassionate guy trying to be helpful, which could then lead to what youre saying, feeling bad for not dating them after. But maybe thats not what youre into. I believe you can be a bad boy ethically, by being very clear. (Leo mentioned in his last video how clarity is an important value, connects to integrity etc, I see how it applies here) Actually, I myself dug myself into a hole dating somebody and trying "not to play them" after sleeping with them, which just meant not being able to say no and leave. I guess you are already preventing this issue by just not going into that, which is great, but you could still get what you want by being very open about wanting one time things. Is there maybe something in your family about like unclear communicstion, not saying what you want/need clearly, being gaslighted into putting others first all the time and as a result not achieving what you want? Or perhaps just not being able to say no?
  13. Maybe this is like something different than you are expecting, but I also was in an abusive relationship that I left and experienced some resistance. I then started a queerplatonic relationship with a friend who is aromantic asexual. It is something between friendship and romance, like we define what we wanna do, what we are comfortable with, and we are also open, so we can do anything else we want. For example, we cuddle platonically before sleep but we dont have sex as we both dont feel like having sex. This can be really different on case to čase basis. In summary, I realized there were certain things I wasnt ready for in a romantic/sexual relationship, I dont mean to fetishize aromantic asexual people here, but my friend really showed me how one can question their expectations in a relationship and uncovered a lot of limiting beliefs that got me into the abusive relationship in the first place. Just to be clear, I dont understand this relationship as some healing service or rebound service, I am just saying that like it was helpful for me in a similar situation to try something new and question what I already knew. (The limiting beliefs I meant were centered around consenting to sex I didnt feel as ok with as I should have, assuming I would enjoy it because of internalized inceldom. But that can obviously be different in you. The good thing is now I am trying like a full relationship without that one thing without feeling limited or uncomfortable. Hope this makes sense.)
  14. In my experience I got caught in peer pressure to have sex and settled for people that I didnt think deserved me and rationalized my discontent to myself as "I am just being selfless", which was really shitty of me. Also consented to things I didnt enjoy because I just thought I should enjoy any kind of sex and just get it done with. Felt really awkward. Only do it if you really feelin it.
  15. If travelling is an egoic attachment, what isnt? From what you said, it seems like you used travel to grow as a person, which should be really valuable in life and what you do with it. Are you saying it is egoic because you cannot do it with family around?