TJ Reeves

2017 in review, or why I no longer need

43 posts in this topic

28 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@TJ Reeves You are right of course in that I have a lot of embodiment left to do, and embodiment is the hardest part.

I don't really even consider myself at Turquoise.

My strength is cerebral more than physical or energetic. Which doesn't mean I'm opposed to those things, it's not just my strength, and what you see on is me focusing on my strength. You have to consider that different people have different inclinations, personality types, body types, energy levels, and strengths.

And of course, each strength is also a weakness. There are trade-offs and pros and cons to every specialization and strength. Not everyone is meant to climb Mt Everest shirtless. And in fact, most people are constitutionally incapable of that.

My Youtube videos might give the impression that am at the end of my growth progress, when really I'm just getting started.

But just because someone excels in physical strength or prowess doesn't equate with consciousness. Bruce Lee got nothing on Ramana Maharshi, for example. Ramana was the pinnacle of embodiment. He just doesn't fit your jock stereotype of a dude benching 500 lbs while beating his monkey chest and hi-fiving his bros at the beach, a la Top Gun.

I have heard stories, for example, from reputable sources, that Bruce Lee was rather a fake, and would lie about losing matches. Not that it really matters. But you do have to be careful about judging people based on their public personas, which tend to be unrepresentative of what's really going on with them.

Of course master-level embodiment is way more inspiring than a talking head. Yes, if I showed videos of myself levitating or laying on a bed of nails, people would get all jazzed up.

Not that this really matters, but of course Bruce Lee wasnt the best martial artist of his time. He was an amazing athlete and martial artist, dont get me wrong.

I liked he´s philosophy about taking in what works, so he was quite well rounded and learned from many forms of martial arts, but he wasnt a black belt in many martial arts unlike somebody like peter ralston for example. I would say most high level olympic wrestler (close to Bruces weight) would have fucked upd bruce in a mma / no holds barred fight back in the day. But Bruce had the right mindset to be succesfull in anything, but he´s main focus was in acting and making money in his prime. I mean he trained like a madman on the side. But it is just impossible to be a) the best martial artist b) brain surgein c) actor at the same time. You get the joke..

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@pluto I know this rationally, but there is still this fear of there being nothing when I die.  Even if I have experienced otherwise for whatever reason this phobia is still out of control.

I've tried to put myself in various mental states to move through this fear, and even to just sit with the physical sensations but it might take more practice.

Is this something you have worked through for yourself?

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@Joseph Maynor

It's right here and now. Just don't let these kinds of thinking limit you from being. <3

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all of the barriers within yourself that you have built against it 

- A Course in Miracles

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Personally, I am being pulled toward deeper realizations of the illusionary nature of self and to nonduality. Much of this thread reminds me of The Four Agreements in which an "unhealthy" illusionary self is replaced with a "healthy" illusionary self.

I also sense in the thread an underlying assumption that some actions are "better" than other actions. And most of those "better" actions are within the classic social framework of "success". That is: dedication, give 110% percent, achieve, dream big, reach your potential, do extraordinary things. I've found ambition and perseverance can be a major distraction to inner Truth. I've run over 50 marathons and ultramarathons. I've done IronMan triathlons. I know the dedication of training day in and out - 1-8hrs a day. I've pushed my limits to the point of hallucinations, loss of cognitive function and physical collapse in which I needed hospital care. The experiences shaped me, yet it did NOT reveal my inner truth. I've also pushed my limits mentally. I worked 12hrs a day for periods as I attained a phd in molecular biology. I persevered countless hours in the laboratory to answer a burning scientific question. I've published dozens of papers and have been featured on scientific journal covers. I've given international speeches. NONE of this revealed inner Truth. Most of it was a major distraction where I was chasing something. Based on self. Yet nothing could fill it. It was never enough. Deep down, I was trying to fulfill a self identity imposed upon me by my parents and society: of what is "good", of who I "should" be. Deep down, there was a yearning to be accepted and loved. I was often consumed with thoughts of what to do next, what will happen if XYZ occurs, what do other people think of me, how can I achieve. . . 

For me, deeper levels of awareness have NOT come from living a healthy lifestyle. They have NOT come from dedication and perseverance to achieve extraordinary things. When tied to my self identity, it's all a distraction. The realizations have come through cracks in my ego and self identity. For me, living a "healthy" life and achieving does not crack my ego and self identity. It can actually reinforce it. "I am a marathon runner", "I am a scholar", "I am dedicated", "I am blah blah blah". The cracks leading to glimpses of Truth have come during times I'm forced out of my self identity. For example, I've lived with native tribes in Central and South America. Also, meditation retreats (yet it is slow and subtle). And psychedelics have been a powerful tool. 

In the thread there also seems to be an underlying sense of free will of the little "you". There is no free will for "me". I am not making all these decisions and actions to do healthy activities and live a "meaningful" life. I am not the author of my thoughts and actions. It comes from some mysterious nothing or something that I don't understand. I don't get to receive credit or blame. . . For me, I am being pulled toward "just being" and letting that mysterious whatever flow without resistance. If that means hiking Everest naked, great. If that means dancing in my kitchen naked to disco music, great. The ideas that I "need" or "should" do certain things are limiting concepts.

While living in Peru, I met a man who fortuitously became wealthy. He has spent most of his life traveling around the world. He had no dedication, ambition or agenda. He was open and free. To travel where the energy takes him. To meet people and experience things as they surface into his life in the present moment. He was pensive and introspective. He had a depth of awareness and love. He is one of the most fascinating people I've ever met in my life. His perspective was outside of the limits of my own perspective. It poked cracks into my self identity.

A couple weeks ago, I frolicked with the most beautiful butterflies deep within a Belizean jungle. The present moment. The mysterious energy/consciousness flowing freely from one moment to the next. For me, that "just being" IS "doing something" with my life.

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20 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Congratulations.  I think I need at least 1 more year to be where you are.

My Life Purpose: To deep-dive issues; to analyze, assess, and contextualize them; and to report insights through writing and perhaps through other media; in order to help people (including myself) strategically increase levels of self-acceptance and acceptance of reality through optimizing the use of the Mind through work in Personal Development, Philosophy, and Spirituality.

My Domain of Mastery: Self-acceptance.  Acceptance of reality.  Optimizing the use of the Mind.

1) My Life Purpose:
    To quit searching for a Life Purpose.  See #2.

2) My Domain of Mastery:
    Procrastination.  See #1.


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“Feeling is the antithesis of pain."

—Arthur Janov

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19 hours ago, Annetta said:

@pluto I know this rationally, but there is still this fear of there being nothing when I die.  Even if I have experienced otherwise for whatever reason this phobia is still out of control.

I've tried to put myself in various mental states to move through this fear, and even to just sit with the physical sensations but it might take more practice.

Is this something you have worked through for yourself?

Alan Watts has some amazing motivational speeches on the concept of life and death they may help you see it from a greater perspective :)



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@TJ Reeves What sources can you recommend to get a detailed understanding of Spiral Dynamics theory?

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2 hours ago, HII said:

What sources can you recommend to get a detailed understanding of Spiral Dynamics theory?

@HII  The best source that I've explored regarding going deep on it's details

Ken did like 30 years of research on it and just put it in 1 program as a summary of all his work on integral spirituality/psychology.  Although it's quite pricey
















Edited by khalifa

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On 12/30/2017 at 2:04 AM, K VIL said:

you're kinda hot dude. lolll

keep on doin it



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4 hours ago, K VIL said:

do you think a person who hasnt traveled internationally at all can still reach a wisdom...

Not possible -  you'd need to transcend man-made borders in order to attain level 1+ wisdom.
Intergalactic travel will definitely get you closer to Ra:/

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@khalifa So did you actually buy this shit? Is there another source, one that I can afford? Where does "Coral" fit into this? It looks very different from the Clare Graves setup, what's the connection between the two?

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23 hours ago, K VIL said:

@Serotoninluv do you think a person who hasnt traveled internationally at all can still reach a wisdom or in your opinion, is there a ceiling so to speak?

Today I was reflecting on how little I know and understand. I can't even acknowledge how much I don't know. Even if I try to conceptualize absolute complexity, it would fall orders of magnitude short of the true complexity. My mind is like one grain of sand from one of countless beaches. Yet, my subjective experience is that I know a lot. That I have experienced a lot. I have my beliefs about what is good and bad about how things should be. It's easy to drift into habitual thinking and live in the same small room. For me, it's difficult to recognize and challenge my beliefs - where I truly see things from a different perspective. Like the difference between living in a city your whole life, then one day looking down on the city from a mountain top. A totally different perspective. The challenging and exciting thing is that I know there are other states of consciousness and perspectives, yet I don't know what they are. That its a view from a mountain. I try to put myself in positions for these experiences. They can come locally or internationally. I have many "ah-ha" moments, yet the only things I've experienced to nearly guarantee I step out of my box for an extended period of time are psychedelics and immersing myself in a foreign culture. Sight-seeing in foreign countries doesn't do it. I need to immerse myself off the grid. Both psychedelics and foreign immersion make me uncomfortable and anxious when I'm forced out of my box.

For me, wisdom is about experiencing different perspectives. The vast majority of people I meet seem locked into a particular perspective. There are subtle differences within a community, yet I need to seek it and be open to it. By default, I drift toward people that have a similar perspective as me. Even when I am exposed, it is temporary and I return to my normal comfortable environment. Foreign immersion removes me from my box. After a week of immersion with no phone or internet use, my old life in the states seems so far away. I don't know who I am. Sometimes I've felt panic. After two months in South America, I forgot I was white. That I was a professor. I returned to the states feeling like an impostor. Like an actor on stage.

Most people I meet are simple-minded. They don't question and think deeply. They lack curiosity and humility. They are puppets to social rules and conventional thinking within their social group. The people that seem wise are open-minded and curious. They are not attached to a rigid way of thinking. They regularly leave the social norm box. Foreign immersion and psychedelics aren't necessary for this, but they WILL remove you from your social norm box and it can be very uncomfortable. I can do it locally, but it takes intention and willingness to voluntarily leave the box into what will often be uncomfortable. My girlfriend is a minority. She is the first person of color I've dated. She challenges me and I see and experience certain things from a different perspective. She also has a wider range of sexuality than me. I've pushed myself to the edge of this box and I have experienced states of mind and body I never knew existed. . .


Edited by Serotoninluv

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Oh wow. I'd be so honoured to talk to you one day, like in pm or something :3 You seem amazing!

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On 01/01/2018 at 2:15 AM, TJ Reeves said:

5-MeO will help someone move from the unexperienced questioning of Yellow to the experienced understanding of Turquoise.

Absolute Truth goes beyond all philosophy, all description, and all conversation - and 5-MeO shows you that real quick. 

But the more important thing about 5-MeO was the disappointment I felt from realizing that it does jack shit for helping you get to the next level of life. That is, its most useful aspect was the feeling of 'okay, so I've gone to the ends of the Kosmos within and I still have all this bullshit to take care of -- let's stop fucking around with drugs and lets do something with our lives.' 

I kept denying the fact that no normal person understands the importance of 5-MeO because, to them, its just another kid taking drugs except now that kid has a huge spiritual ego who thinks it makes him a superhuman god and all he has to show for it is repeating the phrase "you don't understand -- it's infinite, you're infinite, we're infinite! It's all a Cosmic game!'

And look, I get that they're largely unawakened and don't understand the history of psychedelics in personal development, but they do have a point - if you're useless before 5-MeO, you're still useless after 5-MeO unless you take total responsibility 

Another way to put it is that, I realized that the difference between Turquoise and Coral is the difference between talking Truth (using one's voice as a way to inspire people at higher levels who already get it anyway) vs embodying Truth (using one's life to inspire people at all levels). As Frank Zane might put it, making one's outside as beautiful as one's inside and vice versa.

Again, 5-MeO will get someone to want to talk Truth -- but the only people who will understand what you're saying already understand what you are saying. 

Embodying Truth physically will inspire Truth in people at all levels

How many people on this forum need several years of study before they even begin to understand Eckhart Tolle? Mooji? Ramana Maharshi? It's not that what these guys are saying is wrong per se, but why is it that it takes so many people so many years to get it? They use the wrong medium, as talk is useless when it comes to Truth. 

How many people on this forum need several seconds to understand Bruce Lee? Ido Portal? Rickson Gracie? Laird Hamilton? For these guys living their life is itself a form of True Art - an expression of Truth meant to inspire others. Anyone who watches 5 seconds of these guys feels inspired in the same way that it might take the so-called spiritual masters 5 hours (if you buy their $600 DVD set). Thats the difference. 

The fact that first question you ask after reading the above list is the role of 5-meo, and not the role of any of the other things I did shows me you are asking the wrong damn questions. 

Ask about the role of discipline.

Ask about the role of accountability.

Ask about the role of quitting my addictions.

Ask about the role of finding a reality check mirror.

Ask about the importance of death as a physical practice. 

Psychedelics, NDEs, Holotropic Breathing - those forms of death are for babies.

If 5-MeO got me to where I'm at, then I would stop everything I'm doing, start selling 5-MeO and become the richest man to have ever lived in all times.


The MINDBODYSOUL will unlock its true potential only when pushed to its fucking limit in a real life situation that requires complex action for a simple solution, from one's own volition. It makes perfect sense from an evolutionary perspective, as animals only have to put in as much energy as necessary.

Of course you don't know enlightenment or ultimate power because you of course don't need it. you don't need enlightenment to sit around answering forum questions. you don't need enlightenment to make videos. you don't need enlightenment to fill out forms at a desk all day. So why the fuck unlock that power? 

What makes Ralston different from other teachers is not his ability to pontificate about nothing, but the fact that he participated in bloodsport of his own volition.

I'm talking about pushing yourself to the type of death that no one can question, from all angles, from one's own volition.

Most people can easily question psychedelic death. Most people can question holotropic breathe death. And most NDEs come as a result of an accident or someone making a mistake.

No one can question a rear-naked choke. No one can question drowning in a 50-ft wave. No one can question climbing Mt. Everest Shirtless - you chose that shit.

I am one of the few people who've tried both forms of death approach and I can tell you that there is a huge difference that goes beyond all philosophy, all argument, and all discussion - just fucking do it and you will see.

But as long as one sits there searching for an answer by isolating oneself or sitting around staring at a wall or imbibing yet another psychedelic, there's really no reason for the body to unlock itself. 

I will know you got unstuck the moment you start showing your self outside, moving, interacting, doing, and not just talking in your videos. I will know you got unstuck the moment we see you physically tackling your fears and getting yourself into the shape of a warrior. I will know you got unstuck the moment you stop treating physical play like just another thing and you start emphasizing it as one of the ultimate foundations of human development. 

Until then, you shall remain stuck. Worse, your life purpose will be capped off at level turquoise, which sucks because the world really doesn't need yet another turquoise mouth-yapper. And I say that in the most loving way because I feel genuinely helped by you and now I genuinely want to help you. There's literally no one else who is going to tell you that because no one else is aware enough and cares enough. 

So, for Everyone reading this, here's the shit that I did with my life that is way more important than 5-meo ever will be:

  1. Quitting the PMO cycle
  2. Quitting Sugar
  3. Quitting all drugs, all alcohol, all junk entertainment
  4. Exploring new exercise regimens, culminating in the following schedule
    • Monday - Powerlifting 
    • Tuesday - Jiu Jitsu
    • Wednesday - Acroyoga
    • Thursday - Capoeira 
    • Friday - Calisthenics & Sprints
    • Saturday - Hiking
  5. Committing to wake up before 9 AM every morning like an adult
  6. Writing quality works. Not just journaling. Not just sketching ideas. Not just writing stream-of-conscisouness articles. 
    • Making something that might become a perennial hit every time you sit down to write.
    • Notice that my upvotes per post on this forum is the highest out of anyone with more than 100 posts - even Leo himself. That's not a coincidence. Quality writing is quality thinking - the process of editing for good and bad sentences is itself editing for good and bad ideas. 
    • Put it this way, I wouldn't tackle a difficult mathematics problem without writing down the variables on paper. So, why would contemplating a life problem be any different? Life's problems have far more variables than mathematics problems. Write down your best ideas on the nature of love, the nature of life, the nature of consciousness. Edit them so that no one can touch your arguments when it comes to communication - then you will see that no one can touch you when it comes to dominating life. 
  7. Reading quality material, not random listicles
  8. Cultivating quality relationships, excising any and all people who hold me back from higher potential.
    • Making sure my top 5 people will leave legacies - anyone that you know will not leave a legacy must be excised, no exceptions
    • if you don't have 5 people like this in your life, find them. Your lack of people to trust is not a sign that you're an enlightened genius, but a sign that you're a boring asshole. Only you can stop you from being an asshole. So stop letting yourself be so lonely - start being the type of person who provides so much value, others come along.
      • For real, the isolation I see around here is unacceptable bullshit. Wake up and provide value. Period.
    • Getting a reality-check mirror - someone interested in self-actualization at my same level who could help me iron out self-derived principles
    • Refusing to date anyone who does not meet the Trinity rule
      •  If I see myself as badass as Neo, then I will only date someone as badass as Trinity.
      • If I am not as badass as Neo, then I will make sure I am so that I am ready for my trinity. 
  9. Taking 100% responsibility for my life
  10. Writing down a vision for what could go right in my life as well as a vision for the chaos and misery that will ensue if I don't take action.

Do this stuff before taking 5-MeO and you will be ready to take 5-MeO. Do this stuff after 5-MeO and you will unlock the most amazing life imaginable. 

5-MeO is an excuse to say you've gone as far as possible with psychedelics so you can move on with your life. Because if that couldn't save you, then life really is all about taking ownership. But it will be the direct proof of this fact that will help you. 

So, to be clear, I highly highly recommend people take 5-MeO. Just don't think it will ever replace the other stuff.

What's the difference between dying in 5-meo-dmt and dying in real life? 

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