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About Timotheus

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  1. @The White Belt " During a talk about the "3 Jobs of the Human Condition" (Appreciate, Transcend, Improve) while giving examples of Transcendence in different spiritual traditions, someone asked Shinzen, "What about Tribal?" This is his response. " And of course, suffering also helps.
  2. https://www.elephantjournal.com/2017/08/to-end-suffering-escape-into-discomfort/
  3. @Leo Gura Wtf. Is going to a monastery really an option?
  4. Magic Mushrooms: https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/13929-my-search-is-over-realized-my-true-nature-a-short-self-reflection-shrooms/#comment-143316 by Franz (34 upvotes) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/12665-trip-report-8g-shroom-tea/#comment-131799 by Nahm (26 upvotes) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/6062-the-one-profound-insight-i-got-from-trippin-balls-on-shrooms/ by Azrael (22 upvotes) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/13232-intense-mushroom-trip-36g/#comment-136793 by MsNobody (22 upvotes) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/9707-4-grams-psilocybin-trip-report-well-that-was-intense/#comment-95447 by cle103 (22 upvotes) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/8405-shrooms-report/#comment-80561 by RossE (18 upvotes) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/14732-there-is-only-me-2g-shroom-tea-trip-report/#comment-150687 by Justin (18 upvotes) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/11777-profound-mushroom-trip/ by Dizzy (16 upvotes) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/13769-shrooms-trip-report-experiencing-the-explosion-of-yin-yang/#comment-142000 by Azrael (15 upvotes) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/9226-my-first-mushroom-trip/ by Nightrider1435 (11 upvotes) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/11362-shrooms-trip-report-deep-down-the-epistemological-rabbit-hole/ by Yamazaki (10 upvotes) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/11405-shrooms-report-2/#comment-117151 by RossE (10 upvotes) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/13138-atlantis-truffle-trip-report/#comment-135947 by Jacobsen (9 upvotes) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/15038-i-tried-psychedelics-for-the-first-time-mushrooms/#comment-153187 by Zega (9 upvotes) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/13812-3g-lemon-tek-magic-mushroom-trip-report/#comment-142353 by cle103 (8 upvotes) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/9000-first-psilocybin-experiences-35g-of-shrooms/ by Franz (8 upvotes) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/13016-first-trip-report-golden-teacher-personnal/#comment-134896 by Lynnel (7 upvotes) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/12681-my-first-mushroom-trip-5g/#comment-131930 by Ape (6 upvotes) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/11002-1st-shroom-trip-report/#comment-112468 by Martin123 (6 upvotes) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/13405-shrooms-trip-report-in-israel/#comment-138839 by by hundreth (3 upvotes) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/15048-magic-truffles-trip-report/#comment-153388 by egoless (4 upvotes) Shrooms + Syrian Rue https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/11461-trip-report-5-grams-of-shrooms-5-grams-of-syrian-rue-10-hours-of-enlightenment/#comment-117698 by Franz (12 upvotes) AL-LAD: https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/9732-al-lad-trip-it-is-just-a-dream/#comment-95767 by Big_D (12 upvotes) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/15143-al-lad-trip-report-a-life-in-love-and-service/#comment-154196 by phoenix666 (10 upvotes) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/9352-al-lad-trip-report-full-body-orgasms/ by Big_D (10 upvotes) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/13642-trip-report-300-mcg-al-lad/#comment-141005 by Timotheus (6 upvotes) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/14866-al-lad-trip-report-perfect-introduction/#comment-151751 by Wes Thoughts (5 upvotes) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/15176-my-experience-deprivation-float-al-lad/#comment-154436 by Serotoninluv (3 upvotes)
  5. It's been about 13 months of 30 – 120 minutes of daily meditation/concentration, here and there some self inquiry and about 15 trips on LSD, Al-Lad or shrooms. A lot has changed, but it feels like I've been suppressing or disconnecting from my emotions for too long. In most of my trips so much fear, shame and pain comes to the surface that in 2 of them I seriously considered killing myself cause I just couldn't stand it anymore. And now I am aware of constant shame and fear and pain also during meditation or randomly throughout the day. At least now I can feel something, most of the time in my life I was depressed and numb or not even aware of my anxiety. However recently I do experience some moments of peace, quite rarely, but it's getting more. I've been emotionally disconnected from my parents and couldn't connect to friends throughout my life, so that I cannot remember any love in my life. Been playing quite a role of someone who is overly friendly and funny. I've always tried to hide my pain to the point where I was imitating laughing on a regular basis when really I felt nothing or worse. The few sad moments I had where actually one of the best, I finally felt alive. However recently, when I watch a video of Leo, Eckhart, Rupert etc. I can feel an outburst of love (the trips really helped alot with that). At first I actually wasn't sure what this intense feeling in the area of my solar plexus could be, this is how fucked up I am. I've been compensating this before I consciously started on this journey with weed, alcohol, porn, drama, food, self destructive behavior, isolation, disconnection and daydreaming. I believe if I didn't come across Leo, last year while I was vegetating in my dorm room, being stoned from morning till evening, I would have committed suicide or ended up as a heroine junky. Since then I've never touched weed again and almost no alcohol, I've lost over 44 lbs and am now the leanest I've ever been in my life without any effort, I just don't have any desire for unhealthy food or behavior anymore, it's just the opposite. I still have low self esteem and a victim mentality, but now I can really see this during my interactions. I feel quite stuck in life. I just don't know what to do. Been studying an computer science related bachelor programm for over 2 years now, but I'm quite sure that this doesn't fit in with my values. I just cannot develop any passion for coding, nor do I want to become a software consultant or a project manager. I'm also stuck in the middle of the life purpose course due to limiting beliefs and uncertainty about my values. I am a 24 y/o virgin and this journey doesn't seem to help with that, since I quit going to parties or anything similar for the last year and I have no desire to go back. I've cut down some toxic relationships and feel like I can only relate to one friend anymore(he's also into PD and enlightenment). I am getting more and more aware of synchronistic events and also it seems like I can sometimes intuit what other people think by knowing what they're going to say. I'm also much more aware of other people's emotions, it feels like I've been blind my whole life and probably still am. I feel quite neurotic/anxious about posting this, but I don't care. It felt quite releasing to write this down. Thanks for reading.
  6. @Socrates I find the movie Collateral(2004) to be quite beautiful. Don't get discouraged by the official trailer though. This movie greatly points out our isolation, anonymity and illusionary divisiveness especially in big cities. It also lets you question what's good and what's evil and in general what's meaning... It really is a beautiful movie. I can also recommend the movie "Tree of Life". Makes you reflect on life..
  7. From Dhammapada verse 178: Sole dominion over the earth, going to heaven, lordship over all worlds: the fruit of stream-entry excels them.
  8. "Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe