Afonso

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About Afonso

  • Rank
    Adept
  • Birthday 09/27/1999

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    Portugal
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    Male

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  1. What's still worthy to do in our life? What will you do with your life?
  2. I've been suppressing my problems with jealousy and frustration with Self-Help. This is a brutal honest report of how I feel. I need some help. I'm sick of my jealousy. Everywhere I look, to everyone I see, I get jealous. I get pain and it fucking hurts. I envy others good looks. I envy guys being amazing with women. I envy my friends kissing girls at parties. I envy the self-assertiveness of others. I envy the material possessions of others. I envy the social circles of others. I envy people's amazing friendships. I envy guys' amazing girlfriends. I envy people being excited with life and being so at ease and not having to care with any of this Self-Help bullshit. I get envy and I get hurt. I get stabbed in the abdomen and it's so painful. I'm sick of working tons of Self-Help and not being so at ease with life as other people I see. I'm sick of spending days and days just being conscious of my buried emotions and dissolving them, AND then seeing other people being at ease in life. I'm sick of always being so analytical and manipulative and always thinking and thinking. I'm sick of not being super excited about life. I'm sick of other pretty people having exciting lives and doing cool shit and then being envy of them. Why the fuck can't I just be happy like other people I see? Why, since I can remember, do I have to be constantly judging and labeling and analysing everything. Why can't I just live life? I'm apathetic, frustrated, hurt, unmotivated and having thoughts of shooting myself in the head to end this misery. Deep down, I know Self-Actualizing is the most valuable stuff I could be doing but I still get sad with my life situation sometimes. It's not that I'm depressed. What can I do to just stop this negative emotional/thinking rollercoaster?
  3. Yeah, I read the whole book a year ago or so and I found it to be very manipulation-oriented.
  4. I've noticed that from the two times I used cannabis (first weed then hash), I felt really great for a couple of hours/days but eventually I crashed into some deep emotional turmoil and found a lot of deep seated emotions surfacing up from the subconscious. This provided a lot of material to work with and intense days dedicated to integration of these emotions. My question is Am I deluding myself? Are these emotions really from the subconscious?
  5. I dreamt about Leo too I was having some question about myself and he touched me with the tip of his finger and everything got revealed.
  6. Keynote I see myself having huge wisdom into consciousness, personal development, education and computer science. I imagine myself giving a huge talk and announcement of a revolutionary product that’ll advance our understanding of the universe and also of the human psyche. I’m so inspired and happy to bring innovation. I’m in front of hundreds of people taking notes, and I’m standing there teaching, discussing and sharing what I’ve learned and how the world will improve. I’m having huge insights as I speak, but I choose not to share them because I’m getting out of time and losing myself in transmitting the power of my projects. I feel really proud of my life and what I’m doing at that moment. I’m wearing some wire-frame fancy glasses, a stylish t-shirt (maybe my favorite) and some regular-sized light blue pants with chocolate-brown shoes. The room is black-colored, has a huge screen behind me where I’m sharing slides of how the mechanism works and how it’ll impact the world for the better. As tears burst out of my eyes, I say that all my life I had been waiting for that moment. In front of that huge audience, I just cry out and everyone applauds my honesty, bravery and innocence. I feel so fulfilled and I’m too happy than even tears of happiness cannot describe. They stand up and I cry even more and I’m just so fucking happy that I can’t handle it. I leave the stage waving my hands and people keep applauding. It was an amazing event, an amazing night and an amazing keynote. I leave, feeling proud, amazed and inspired. I left the world inspired as well, and my mission for the day is successfully accomplished. Music of inspiration:
  7. My Life Purpose runs around Computer Science. However, I'm only sure that my life will be amazing if I do tons of personal development work. And that, ultimately, any work (not personal growth related) that I come to do will only scratch the tip of the iceberg of the life-satisfaction that I can get. For example, since the age of 13 I was very involved (almost 24/7) with computers. However, when I gave that a break (age 16-now) and started studying PD, Meditating, doing Enlightenment work, etc. I found that my life satisfaction boosted like 5000%. How can I conciliate the two?
  8. If Reality is Absolute Infinite then it includes absolutely everything. But for Free-Will to exist (let's say in some alternate realm), the entity that has free-will has to remain outside of Reality. But Reality includes everything. So if it doesn't include Free-Will it's not infinite. If it's not infinite it does not include everything. What am I missing?
  9. It's just practice and habit. If you have never read and spent most of your time doing physical activities when you were a child, you're more prone to abhor intellectual activities such as reading. And the inverse works as well.
  10. You should create a gallery of this stuff.
  11. Perfectionism and Emptiness Perfectionism is a tendency consequential to Emptiness. As Emptiness arises, Perfectionism might also arise. What is Perfectionism? Perfectionism is the tendency to leave everything perfect without any perceptible mistake or imperfection. People who are perfectionists tend to be chronic procrastinators and show obsessive compulsions - this isn't just perfect yet, I can make it better. It's all right to want to excel at a particular area or construct of your life. However, the problem resides when this behavior gets out of control and permeates all your life goals and mental activity. Soon enough, you'll fall into the trap of feeling that if everything is just perfect then you'll feel fulfilled. Of course, this is a huge mistaken assumption. So, how does this relate to Emptiness? In fact, Perfectionism stems from the assumption that this Emptiness can be fixed by external behavior, achievement and somehow, something is missing. This, as expected, leads to a huge series of problems, internal turmoil and a life-time waste of energy. Emptiness leads to Perfectionism which leads to more Perfectionism. Notice, because Perfectionism is a consequence of Emptiness, it can never solve the root problem, which is its cause. In the end, we're left with a seemingly even larger void than before, because now we see that the huge quantities of change did not fix our issue. This is all very well known. What we fail to realize, however, is that this phenomena happens in our lives as well! Not just something that happens to the weird and crazy ones. We all fall into the trap of Perfectionism, some more than others. Relationships Do you want a girlfriend because she'll help you on your growth or on any other positive matter, or is it because you want company or because you feel like you should have a girlfriend? Notice that these are very different reasons to get on a relationship. Most people, specially people who have had relationship-issues in their teens, seem to be negatively fueled to start dating and having sexual partners. Ultimately, nothing on this matter will fulfill you, as we've already addressed. What's surprising is that most people know this, but still get caught in this vicious cycle. Seen from a meta-perspective, it's rather silly. It looks like a bunch of kids yelling desperately for candy, only to be full for a while and then requesting more candy. Success Success can become a huge trap as well. Most of us are imprinted with the notion that one needs to be successful and get the most success that one can gain. For many, it's a measure of personal worth. For most people, getting huge amounts of success is something naturally desired. However, if one looks deep enough, one sees that this desire is imprinted by culture and society and is subconsciously communicated as a means to fulfillment. Ultimately, it's no different than banging a bunch of hot girls and pursuing more and thinking that'll fix your Emptiness issues. Nevertheless, this is a very hard tendency to counteract. Even though one might intellectually grasp what's being transmitted here, it's likely that he/she will fall into the trap anyways. It's just too deep in our psyche to remove at a blink of an eye. Intellectual understanding Personally, I have fallen in this trap a lot, specially because of my conditioning as a child. I've always been very intellectually stimulated as a child, and as I grew up, I evolved a tendency to mental masturbate with intellectual stimulus. Reading, after reading, after studying, after reading to finally... get to reading and reading and reading. If one is not conscious of what fuels the desire to intellectually entertain some matter, one might fall into the trap of seeking theory after theory and have constant mental orgasms and intellectual orgies with other people. Balance between action in life and theoretical understanding is key. So, now what? As we're seeing, all these areas of our life, where we seek fulfillment and ending of this emptiness, fail to do so. Relationships, Success and Intellectual understanding are just three out of an infinite array of paths that we follow to fill the void. In short, almost our whole lives are spent in this way, unless we actively and consciously decide not to. So how can we be conscious of the trap of Perfectionism, not fall into it and actually start fixing our tendencies and ultimately, our inner issue? Every step we take towards consciousness on this issue will remove a lot of suffering and internal struggle in our everyday lives. Become conscious and radically honest about yourself Of all the things you're pursuing in life, whether it's that chocolate cake, attending that party or becoming filthy rich, ask yourself Why do I want to do this? The Why is key here. Then, radical honesty comes in. Stop bullshitting yourself with your thoughts and listen to your heart and intuition. What's the real reason you're doing anything you're doing in life? Ask this question for small matters such as going out with friends or pursuing women but also for larger matters, even for your entire LIFE! Soon enough, you'll discover that many things you want stem from emotional unresolved issues, and fundamentally, from this issue of Emptiness. It's hard to continue taking action, when you know in your heart that the action is negatively fueled. Meditation Meditation helps in dissolving your Ego, calming your mind and distancing yourself from thought. As you get to see thoughts for what they really are (rather arbitrary phenomena without any truth), you'll come to notice that much of your negative motivations and issues will just fall away. It's not the case that these issues are inherent to your being, but that they are created by thought. It's absurd what you're doing. You're basically listening to some pop-music in your head and pursuing what it says blindly, trusting whatever it says. Fixing the issue of Emptiness Emptiness stems from your identification with mental phenomena and ultimately, with your false-self or Ego. Because you think you're the Ego or an entity residing in your body, you think its demands will fulfill you. But this is a huge mistake. It's the same thing as feeding your dog and thinking you'll be full. This talk invites us to Enlightenment territory, which is great! However, we can always make progress in dissolving and knowing the Ego, with consciousness work (Meditation included). Be aware that identifying with the false-self will always leave you Empty at some degree because you identify with infinite appetites in a finite world. You want to move in the direction of less identification with the Ego and raising your base level of awareness. In short, commit to become more conscious of your internal mechanics. What's your opinion on the matter of Perfectionism and Emptiness? Have you got some story to share? Please let me know, thanks!
  12. There's so much things I do that are so pointless. Beliefs What matters my beliefs and if I'm right or wrong? Really, who cares? It's so stupid and pointless, arguing and fighting over who's right and wrong. Social Approval Again, who the fucking cares? Those who like me or don't, what does it matter to me? It seems so worthless to be checking for approval and dwelling on validation. Emptiness I notice this emptiness that's within me. No matter what I eat, what I do, what I read, my friends, acquisitions, habits... nothing will take this emptiness out of me. Or at least, it seems like it. It's naive to think that reading that book, having that kind of house, having that girlfriend, having that lifestyle will fix this inner issue of emptiness. Perfectionism and eating also relate to this. I feel the urge to eat when I feel empty and I've come to the realization that my tendency to be perfect and have anything in order stems from emptiness, not being totally fulfilled. And yet, when I get everything to be perfect, I still keep looking at the thing I'm working on, like something should be added. Life is meaningless. Yeah, I know it. So what? It's without meaning, but should that be bad?
  13. Ken Wilber? He has written some pretty good books.
  14. All kinds of emotions. And the emotions are not like SAD, HAPPY, ANGRY. They're more like a feeling of some experience in the past. They can have all sorts of inherent properties to them.