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Do you play video games? Those adventure rpg type games like The witcher or zelda etc. If you're like me and enjoy them probably is because there's a certain degree of difficulty in them and i bet you don't like playing the easiest mode when you kill 10 enemies with a swing and the final boss within 10 hours. I bet if you're good you try to finish them at least with normal or even hard difficulty because the challenge holds itself the reward. When I finished a game (hollow knight) i almost cried at the end that's how difficult it was and i felt so good for at least the next 3 to 4 days. What does and RPG has to do with you you say? Well of course you don't like having a final steel sword with 999999 damage at level one i think so you make the most of your rusty sword... well you're the rusty sword, and one that can't be upgraded let me say since its your height. If you had a genie to express a wish to be 190cm can you visualize how you life would be different? I can tell in the beginning you would feel great but later as months go by probably you you would engage in more numbers with low quality woman and would look for more and here's the catch. You will look at other couples and envy the guys with those good quality women and will find that probably you lack humor, leadership, confidence or even a genuine good heart so after a while you will feel the same. Good quality women value personality and charisma which you lack of course because you can't blame your height for your success. I live in europe too and had kinda mild success but i can't blame my height, status, income or cars, i blame only myself for not being able to talk too as many girls as i would have liked in the past and now. First rule of personal development is to take 100% responsibility for your situation. At the point you're now no one will want to date you but that's not you height that's your spirit. I think you should be going outside more and stop reading shit on the internet that power you down... try that at least for a week. If you feel better and try not to focus on yourself and getting better every day try to implement some RSD materials form Max. He's 172 cm from Austria where i bet the avarage there is probably like 175 to 180 for males. If you see his videos and look how girls respond to him you'll find there's nothing height or appearance related. Of course it goes deeper than that you have to resolve a lot of issues but that's a start. I think that you know well that height isn't a problem like some crooked teeth arent a problem or to be a fuckin billiard ball shaved head like Leo isn't a problem BUT and a huge but you're afraid and lazy to do the work... Talking bout suicide that's even stupider. let's say you believe in reincarnations. you will keep killing yourself until you are born like brad pit or george clooney? come on man. Don't worry about death because it will come in 20 30 40 years or even tomorrow. just live your life peacefully because even if you mess up big time unless you're hitler or some controversial political figure or artist no one will know you even existed (not even your grand grand childrens) in 100 150 years. there's no pressure.

Heard Leo say in the past that his ex was constantly threatening suicide as a way to get compassion. He might be reacting that way because of this.

Knowing how Soonhei/Sunny committed suicide for no apparent reason other than a belief, I'm gobsmacked that this was the reaction given, this is a few months after that suicide. Are people still wondering that suicides don't happen over petty things. Sometimes what appears to be a petty reason to kill oneself is usually the last straw in a long saga of sob stories piling up and there are deeper underlying festering issues that are responsible for the suicide yet people often cite petty things because they themselves aren't very aware of the underlying causes. Please be fair and empathetic in your assessment rather than being judgemental in the name of tough love.

The point is that Leo (as an influencer) is really unwise to just say a one-word “lol” at someone’s post about suicidal ideation. And he did change his post shortly afterwards because he probably realized the same thing. Really, anybody would be unwise to do that... but especially someone with influence. Also, you don’t know this person and what they’re going through. For all you know, the person has attempted suicide before. People commit suicide ALL the time. So, don’t be so sure that a person won’t actually do it.

@fopylo Although, doing the work needed, going deeper, is also what eventually gets you out. As long as there's this fundamental understanding that the work must goes on, and not being discouraged by the obstacles thrown onto your path. The risk is in getting lost, and giving up, before pushing through onto the other side. I speak hypothetically, since I didn't really get stuck, my experience progressively worsened as I freed myself from the limitations I was conscious of, until disowned and unconscious shadows remained, and to such a point that the solution presented itself, via desperate action from my part, and the right response from someone who did not know me. I do believe that happened by design, an unfolding of events in a certain way, and when the time is right for it. I've never experienced suicidal thoughts, although I have actively categorized suicide as not an option, and that thought certainly came from somewhere.

I met another guy as well who was very emotional and open and vulnerable with me on date 1.Told me about his suicide story and stuff. I felt close and pity for him, but he was not a narc, just another depressed and deeply traumatised dude. And when I wanted to get close as in build a real relationship, he distanced himself from me, so he couldn't connect with me on an emotional level and develop healthy intimacy. And I spotted it rather quickly and ended it. We remained friends. Guys who are emotionally unavailable or traumatised and need healing, they are quite easy to spot actually. How? - they don't deepen emotional bond/connection. They can tell u sob stories about suicide and other stuff but when it comes to actual relating and vulnerability, they simply cannot go there cause they feel super scared to show themselves - cause of the belief they r ugly inside and not lovable. So they distance themselves from any real emotional intimacy and that for me is a huge red flag and I gtfo of there. - they don't empathise with you and your emotions. You just don't feel inderstood, accepted or free to express yourself next to them. You have to keep up appearances with them. And it always feels like sex in a condom, you have sex, but its like in a vacuum, like there is no closeness. That's an indication of lack of empathy. - and you feel neglect big time. Like u don't exist until u meet or text. Other times u feel like u don't exist in his world at all. If u feel neglect, run... My two cents for you girls to understand these dynamics better. But the only truly sustainable way out or solution to this is not to close up and reject everybody, but to develop high levels of attunement to others, which is ONLY possible when u have a high level of attunement to yourself and your emotions first and foremost. Good luck!

@Khr I actually dated a narc for like 3 months and gtfo of there on my own How I spotted he was a covert narc? Easy. He didn't have any empathy. Thry can tell all the sad stories and stuff but that's not emotions and being truly vulnerable or open. It's something else entirely. He was telling all the sad stories and I could feel on a almost surreal emotional level huge levels of neglect from him - narcs are normally born growing up in neglectful and unhealthy emotionally distant families. Main key to spotting a narc - is not feeling emotional empathy from him. And to differentiate sad stories from feeling lack of empathy, u need to be yourself very empathetic and emotionally expressive person. The fact that u cannot differentiate the two, tells me that you are struggling with empathy to yourself and others and taking sad stories for an actual expression of vulnerability and emotions, when it's not and is SUPER different. When I expected empathy and didn't get it, I realised I am dealing with a highly traumatised individual. I didn't know at that time he was a narc. When I got out and ended the relationship and then was so confused as to what was THAT? My male friend who grew up with a narcissistic father told me to look up covert narcissist description and signs and he matched like 90%. Doctor Ramani has a good YouTube channel on narcissists and narcissism. You just need to watch a few of her educational videos and u will be set to identify them easily. Again, I repeat, don't try to fix other people or find faults with other people, you won't be able to control them, but you are capable to control and educate yourself and improve your emotional availability and empathy, which is a better strategy longer term than simply avoiding life and rejecting ALL emotional guys. This way you won't fix anything and problem will always be there. Best approach is to work on yourself to be able to feel better, to be more empathetic, to allow and accept your own emotions and live them, rather than reject them. Cause if u reject others emotions, u first and foremost reject your own emotions and that will eventually lead to deep depression and suicide, cause doing that for long will only convince u that u live in a world full of manipulative guys and there is no hope. Careful here. This might backfire big time in a long term!

Dear, I am sorry you feel so bad about your height that u r thinking about the suicide ???? But I will be honest with you. I live in Asia, in Singapore specially. And here average height of a guy is 170cm. If you are 175cm,u r already considered tall. Girls here are rarely taller than 165cm. So when i am in Europe or USA, local girls there seem gigantic to me. I am 162cm myself. Quite petite in height and body structure. So for me when I meet tall girls anywhere, I feel like they r elephants to be honest and how guys can be attracted to them being so tall and bulky? But some guys do, especially when on average height in european guys is 180cm and above. Now I have a few quite tall GFs in Singapore, and they really struggle here to get just sex, not even a BF. Cause for majority of guys here they r gigantic simply. One way to solve this problem is to move to a country where your height is normal. I saw foreign guys 175cm height dating absolutely stunning local asian girls that I don't think they would be able to get if they were in Europe somewhere. Yes. Girls prefer taller guys. It's some kind of biology or something. For example for me personally, even that i am 162cm tall, I just don't feel feminine enough next to a shorter guy. I feel more like he is my buddy or a boy rather than a man. I am sorry bit its just how I feel. But I agree with Emerald here that for some shorter girls, maybe 150-160cm height, if a guy is 175cm, is already quite tall for them. So they r feeling good next to a guy. Conclusion. U need to work on your self esteem first and foremost and then seek girls that a shorter than you and for whom your height will be perfect. Just imagine a 150cm girl with 190cm dude, too big of a difference ???? will need to jump to kiss him ???

Culadasa has a pretty weird definition of suffering. Constantly waking up, not being able to get any deep sleep due to problems with breathing, feeling panic, discomfort to the point of contemplating suicide is obviously suffering in most people's definition, but not for Culadasa. Be aware that people might mean a different thing than you when they say suffering

If you're already considering suicide, why not save up money for a surgery to make yourself taller? You will probably fuck up your legs, but hey you will be taller. Let's see then if that will really help you with getting more girls. What you'll realize is that it's all in the mind. I know guys shorter than you who don't have trouble hooking up

This kind of rhetoric is so incredibly toxic, I'm blown away when I see things like this especially coming from a "self-actualized" person. This guy is considering suicide, yet there is a complete lack of empathy, there is mockery which is even worse. I like Leo and I obtained great value from his videos, but honestly he has a toxic side. Some of his posts and also his attitude in some videos had a negative influence on me.

Don’t just lol him. He’s considering suicide. Obviously you’re loling him because you know that he can be successful. But that’s not how a suicidal person will interpret that.

I think suicide is really a bad idea here. Suicide should be considered only if your body/consciousness has been really broken permanently which made you really dysfonctional and makes your life miserable for ever which does not seem to be your case. You say you take care of your body which is good. Face the challenges of your life with courage. Don’t forget the exponential nature of things which means that you have to put a lot of effort and not getting any result for a long time before you start getting the benefits of your work. be patient focus on what you love keep working jerk off enjoy

Dropping being defined by methods for moment, there definetly is a time to feel into and investigate those thoughts. When that happens and what we call that matters less. Going along with thought stories, getting carried away with them is useful to raise awareness, and gain deeper understanding, but eventually there needs to be a time where also healing happens, where patterns are broken. I don't really have any advice, other than not forcing that "void" to happen, as you say, might be synonymous with suppressing something in the process. It never was forced onto me, it just appeared as part of the process evolving, first in meditation after sitting closer to an hour, later as a deliberately induced state. When it first appeared, I was more-so pulled into it, almost falling into it, and as a relex/knee-jerk reaction was pulled right back out again. Essentially 7 years since I started some form of active work. But have become aware of my meditative-contemplative behavior that I've had ever since I was a child, doing deep contemplation, and developing a sensitivity towards emotional signals, something of a superpower. I wisely used this superpower up to my middle 30's to effectively shatter my self-esteem It's the last 6 years that has been deliberate about this stuff, tipping point was the suicide of my 14 year old niece and some other more-or-less coinciding events that just got too much to handle and short after I saw a therapist for the first time, to deal with emotional exhaustion. Actual sitting meditation though, I've just been doing since 2017. I do think that time isn't as important as what that time entails. Amp up the suffering and you accelerate things, towards breaking free, or simply breaking down.

You have a very negative attitude. Why associate poor cats with misandry? Cats are beautiful creatures I would hate to be with a man who hates cats. I'm a young woman in her 20s, not an old lonely woman. You're imagining an old woman as someone who is sad and miserable. But maybe she is happy, you might never know You act as though men are angels coming to rescue women. Then every married women would be happy on planet Earth. Divorce statistics say otherwise In my country,most women who commit suicide are married women. Girls my age don't even want to marry men. They shudder at the prospect of marriage. They are working, making money, going on vacation with friends, they are young and free. And they are very happy. They don't want men and they don't want marriage.

483. Summary: The Top Dangers Of Using Psychedelics Resources on Psychedelics and Safety: ? Actualized.org on Psychedelics ? PsychonauntWiki is a good resource for researching. Episode: Episode 268: How To Use Psychedelics For Personal Development (49 mins). Summary is here. Blog posts: Top Dangers of Using Psychedelics How to Research Psychedelics The Antidote For PreTrip Anxiety No Trip Sitters Blog Videos: What It's Like To Smoke Salvia Divinorum (43 min) crazy salvia trip, fooor real (6 min) Salvia Trip Report (16 min) DON’T DO SALVIA OR DATURA!! -This is going to be a lopsided episode. Leo’s not covering any of the good stuff about psychedelics here. He’s done other videos on that. He’s also not trying to convince you to do psychedelics. That’s a decision you have to make all by yourself. -This episode is about the necessary precautions and information you need if you're going to be tripping seriously. Leo’s such a huge advocate of psychedelics that he cares about how they’re misused and abused by people. -This episode focuses exclusively on the negatives and the dangers. There are a lot of immature people who don't research or think through potential dangers. The majority of these dangers can be very easily avoided if you are responsible, thoughtful and careful. Keep in mind, you can make anything sound sinister if you emphasize only the negatives. (eg: The Dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide!?!?!) -Leo has loads of experience with psychedelics, so he has a lot of insight about the dangers and risks. He’s taken over 100 trips, from low dosages to very very high. He’s done everything from mushrooms, LSD, DPT, DMT, 5MeO DMT, 4AcO-DMT, Salvia, and even experimental research chemicals that most people don't know about. He’s also studied this field a lot theoretically. He’s read a lot of trip reports, interacted and watched a lot of people who do psychedelics, dealt with people on the forum who report trips and the various problem that arise for them. He’s also had bad trips himself. -This list of 32 dangers is quite comprehensive. 1) Overdosing (3:20) The extreme version: taking so much that you kill yourself. The lethal dose for MDMA is pretty low, so that’s a serious danger. Same goes for certain research chemicals. However, od'ing on LSD or shrooms is pretty difficult. Find out what the lethal dosage is for the psychedelic you’re taking and stay far away from that dose. Also make sure you’re accurately measuring the dose you’re taking. The mild version: simply taking a dose that's too high. This is more common. The reason this happens is people are not carefully weighing their doses with a milligram scale. They're just popping stuff hoping they get it right. This is extremely reckless and will lead to dangerous situations. You might lose bodily function or pass out. You could fall over and crack your skull open. You could be seriously disoriented for a few hours, leading to all sorts of psychological problems and an existential crisis. The solution: stay within a low to moderate dose range. People can get cocky. They overestimate how much they can handle and underestimate how powerful psychedelics are. No mater how “tough” you are, there’s a dose that you won’t be able to handle. It will freak you out and be a net negative for your development, personally and spiritually. There’s no need to do crazy high dosages. Keep them in the moderate to low range. People try to outdo themselves, thinking that the more they do the sooner they'll deconstruct their ego or reach enlightenment. Some just want bragging rights on online forums. In practice, this will only set you back and you'll regret it. Nothing is gained. There’s nobody you need to one-up, not even yourself. Progress isn’t about taking high dosages. It's about increasing consciousness, which is easier to accomplish with low to moderate doses. High dose trips can get too crazy to be productive. Your mind can’t make sense of the trip or even integrate and remember it. What really matters is letting the psychedelic transform your everyday life, not bragging on some forum. Check your ego at the door. 2) Physical Harm (7:10) All sorts of physical harm is possible, especially if you're taking high doses. You could become disoriented and lose control of your body. You could run around in a reckless manner. There are trip reports of people jumping around naked through the streets. Falling over, hurting their arms and legs. Discipline yourself to sit still and contemplate when you're tripping. 3) Tripping in Dangerous Locations (7:30) Location, location, location. Generally, you want to do psychedelics in an indoor environment where it's safe. A comfortable room with no one to interfere is great. Stay indoors. No balconies, no ledges, no rooftops, no sharp objects, no sharp corners where you can fall from a dangerous height or crack your skull open. Stay away from loud, crowded recreational areas, like parties, raves, nightclubs, music festivals, bars. They’ll create problems. Same with tripping outdoors in the woods where there are wild animals. If it’s nighttime outdoors, your vision will be compromised too. 4) Vomiting (8:40) People commonly report vomiting while on psychedelics. They do psychedelics after eating, which is why they vomit, especially if they take a high dose. Vomiting and passing out at the same time creates a potentially lethal situation. Leo's done more than 100 trips and he’s never vomited once, so it’s a matter of being careful with your protocol. So, don't take psychedelics within four hours of eating anything. Make it a rule. It ensures you have an empty stomach and then there's nothing to vomit even if you feel like vomiting. 5) Really, Really, Really Bad Trips (9:48) There are different degrees of bad trips. There's bad trips and there's really really really bad trips, which you especially want to avoid. People underestimate how bad a trip can get because they underestimate the power of consciousness. Consciousness is all powerful and infinite. Consciousness is rendering your entire sense of reality and everything you've ever seen or known. Consciousness can conjure up anything, including the worst nightmares ever. So imagine that nightmare being manifested as real or even realer than this physical reality that you're in right now. Also, when you're in these psychedelic peaks, there's no notion of time, so they can last for eternity. A really, really, really bad trip is like being stuck in the worst possible hellish nightmare you can imagine, where you're being tortured and devils are coming at you and you're in total madness and it seems like you'll never return to normal life. It's not like a usual bad trip where you can just convince yourself you’ll be okay, that you’ll be back to normal in a few hours. In a really, really bad trip there won't be any reassurance. You’ll actually believe that this nightmare is your new reality. You can completely lose memory of your old reality. You can forget all about material existence. You’re going to be in this new, hellish reality with no control. Your ego won’t be able to manipulate it. You're going to be stuck in this downward, infinite spiral into hell. That is possible. (Don’t do salvia or datura!) Solution: You can avoid that by keeping your doses low to medium. Those kind of bad trips usually happen when your dosage is too high. You also need to ground yourself and be psychologically healthy so that you don't have a paranoid mind. The more paranoid, depressive and negative your mind is, the more likely you are to lose control, spiral into negativity and even into states of madness. If you have trouble dwelling on negativity and cutting off negative thoughts in general, then your doses need to be low. 6) Facing Repressed Fear and Trauma (13:10) If you have a lot of trauma and shadow material that you've been repressing, it's gonna come out. Psychedelics will get you to confront traumas, the shadow side of your psyche that you've been repressing and hiding. Most people who get involved with psychedelics are fairly immature and also tend to have quite a bit of trauma in their life from childhood and adolescence. They also tend to be fairly fearful. Since psychedelics deconstructs your mind and your reality, they will screw with your sense of what you think is real and unreal. Forcing that to come out is actually a good thing. It’s necessary for your personal and spiritual growth, but that doesn't mean it's going to feel good. Your ego might not be prepared to handle it. It depends on how much pain is brought up and how quickly. Keeping your dosages low to moderate means you can face your fears and traumas gradually, at a rate you can handle. If you just jack up the dose, it's going to be more than you can handle and this is going to set you back. It’s like going to the gym. If you try to bench press 200 pounds on your first day, like you see other people doing, because you don't want to look like a wimp, you’re going to seriously injure yourself. This will force you to stay out of the gym for the next few months, or even years. Counterintuitively this will slow your progress. One of the biggest problems you see is people taking “heroic doses,” because they want to prove their “machoness.”[/b] They freak themselves out, too much trauma comes up and this scares them away for years. The proper approach is to go slow and steady and gradually build yourself up, and deconstruct your ego, over a period of months and years. It does very little good to go to the gym once. That doesn't really change you. What works is doing a little bit consistently, over months and years. It’s the same thing with psychedelics. As you're doing psychedelics, make sure you don't freak yourself out so much that you get PTSD, anxiety, nightmares, depression or fall into solipsism or have an existential crisis that stops you from doing regular personal development work and consciousness practices. 7) The Potential for Psychological Instability (17:30) All of these can happen: deconstructing your mind, nihilism, a loss of your sense of reality, a loss of your illusions, depersonalization, ungrounding and losing your mind, even going insane. Although, we’re trying to deconstruct the mind, the rate at which you do it matters a lot. If it happens bit by bit, you can handle it. If you get too much all at once your life can spiral out of control. You could even have a psychotic break that leads you to making rash, life decisions you will later regret. You can end up in a mental institution. You can spiral into depression or nihilism where nothing matters and you lose joy for life and all sense of meaning. This can cascade throughout your life, into your family and career. So, try to deconstruct your psyche at a slow, healthy rate. 8) Confusion (19:25) Psychedelics can make you very confused about reality and what's really going on in life. This confusion can be emotionally stressful and difficult to cope with. It can last for months or years depending on how much tripping you're doing and what kind of confusion you have. Generally, confusion is actually a good thing. Confusion is not bad per se, as long as it doesn't make you do stupid, rash things. (ep: How to deal with Confusion) 9) Can Exacerbate Mental illness (20:23) If you have mental illnesses, you need to be very careful because psychedelics can crank those up to 11. Stuff like bipolar disorder, schizophrenic tendencies, depression, PTSD, anxiety and so forth. You could end up at a mental institution where they'll over medicate you and imbalance your body and mind even more. You could even get addicted to those medications and it'll take months or years to wean yourself off them. If you have a mild one, you can still take psychedelics. They can actually help, but you have to be extra extra careful and keep your doses low to moderate. If you have some severe mental illnesses, then perhaps stay away from psychedelics altogether. Research your mental illness very deeply (blog post: How to Research Psychedelics). Read reports from people with the same mental illness who have been taking psychedelics. Learn how they’ve been handling it. What’s worked and what hasn’t. You can see their dosages, effects they've been experiencing, whether it was positive or negative. eg: Do a google search on: reddit.com bipolar disorder LSD (or whatever psychedelic you're planning on taking) That gives you an idea of what to expect. Even then there's no guarantees and the more severe your mental illness is the more things can go wrong. Also, if you're stuck in a profound mental illness and there's no cure and you've tried everything and nothing’s helped you, consider the possibility that psychedelics can help. Now it depends on what kind of illness you have. What kind of psychedelic you use. How you use it and so forth, but you can also do research into various academic studies, programs and clinical treatments around the world that do help with depression, PTSD and anxiety. There's some really good science behind that. Very soon we're going to have the first FDA approved use of psychedelics for treatment of depression, PTSD and other things. There's going to be legit treatments available through various clinics and licensed doctors. So it's real science. It works. It's not just hippie mumbo jumbo. 10) Can Interfere With Pursuing Success (23:25) If you're really into selfhelp, if you're in that spiral dynamics stage orange phase where you’re working really hard on your business or your dating life and you've built up a lot of momentum, be careful with psychedelics because they can derail that. It’s both a downside and an upside. Psychedelics take you beyond the material existence, so they're going to make all that material stuff seem very petty and meaningless. That’s sort of the point. It’s what transcendence is about. But for a lot of people, they're so immature and underdeveloped that they’re not ready to transcend the material domain. They need maybe ten years focused on meeting their survival needs in a conscious, effective way. So, if you have all these goals, but then start doing shrooms, you might rethink those goals. On one hand, that might be a good thing if your life’s miserable and you need to reevaluate. On the other hand, maybe your goals are spot on and it’s in your best interest to keep working towards them. Psychedelics can make you second guess yourself and make you less productive because productivity loses its meaning. You realize you're in a rat race and you're never going to be satisfied. It might be a good idea to start doing psychedelics when you can afford to coast in your business or life goals. When you have the luxury of shifting priorities from productivity to spirituality. Understand that they’ll be a financial cost to prioritizing consciousness work over productivity. You could also say that less money but more spirituality is better for you in the long run. Your priorities will be different if you have a spouse and kids that you’re responsible for. You don’t necessarily know how psychedelics will affect that. 11) Using Psychedelics to Avoid Building a Good Life (28:38) You could potentially use psychedelics to escape tackling the problem of survival and building a good life. Most people who watch Leo’s videos have a more immediate problem of trying to master survival in an excellent way. So, their main problem isn’t a lack of enlightenment. If you're struggling to build a career, or get laid, or manage your emotions (loneliness, anger, depression, anxiety), those are very basic problems. Jumping deep into psychedelic territory might compel you to not worry about any of that material stuff. “But Leo, who cares about building a good life? That's just dreams and the illusion of Maya, bro. I'm gonna go into the mystical realms, because that's where the good stuff's at, right?” That can be a very big trap, because no matter how high you go into the mystical realms, no matter how deep of a God realization you get or what insights DMT alien entities download into you, you’re eventually going to come back down into mundane, material reality where you have bills to pay, children to feed, a house to clean, a physical body to take care and all those other obligations. Survival and building a good life is not something you want to do poorly. That is something you want to face head on and master ?. No matter what nondual experiences you have, you’ll still need some degree of success in physical, material reality. Otherwise, you’ll live miserably on the material plane. That’s not something you want and it will negatively impact your spiritual pursuits. So, you want to keep one eye on the mystical domain and the other eye on building a good life. Become financially secure, get a good job so you’re not anxious about basic physical survival or homeless. 12) Becoming Too Isolated (32:30) Psychedelics can make you go deeper and deeper into yourself, withdrawing into your mind and psyche, especially if you do them chronically. You could stop talking to your friends and family and trap yourself in this solipsistic echo chamber. That can spiral out of control, then nobody is there to help you or keep you grounded. You can even start to hate the world, especially if you misinterpret your psychedelic visions. So, balance out psychedelics with some sort of social life so you don’t become a total recluse. 13) Making Rash Decisions (33:25) After a profound, breakthrough trip, you might decide to divorce your wife, leave your children, quit your job, tell your boss to go screw himself, walk away from your business partners, go travel the world, sell your house, give away all your money to charity and this can really end up biting you in the ass. Even though a psychedelic trip only lasts at most 12 hours and the next day you're going to be completely down from the trip, the lingering after effects of the chemicals will still remain in your psyche for at least a week, especially after a deep trip. So for the rest of that week you can be having thoughts that are not typically the kind of thoughts you would be having, which can cause you to make rash decisions. The best safety measure against this is to have a rule that after you trip you're not going to make any rash or bold decisions for the next week. Make sure that your mind comes back down all the way and you're sober. You're totally stabilized and then you can make your decisions. Until then, you’re probably not thinking straight. 14) Feeling Demotivated about Meditation (35:35) Psychedelics can take you into levels of consciousness that are really high, that meditation clearly cannot. This can be demotivating for your meditation or yoga practice, because “what's the point?” In a sense, it's easier to fool yourself into meditating when you don't know about the peaks that psychedelics are capable of producing. (This is one of the secret reasons why a lot of Buddhist and yoga practitioners instinctively stay away from psychedelics.) The thing is, meditation, yoga and self inquiry are important for raising your baseline level of consciousness. Psychedelics are not gonna raise your baseline level of consciousness that much. You're gonna come back down at the end of the day, so that kind of leaves you nowhere. Even if you do psychedelics, you still need daily manual practices to raise your baseline state of consciousness over a period of years and decades (yoga, meditation, self inquiry). Then on top of that, you’ll be getting these spikes with psychedelics that take you to crazy peaks. 15) Chronic Usage (39:25) Yes, Leo’s broken that rule. He did 30 days straight of 5MeODMT (ep: 30 Awakenings In 30 Days.) But, that was done in a very deliberate almost scientific way, and now he can teach from that wisdom. Using psychedelics chronically will erode your mind and sense of reality. It will turn your life upside down and you’ll stop being able to think straight. That’s what happened to Leo during his 30day trial of using 5MeODMT. He was constantly high and it was really really interfering with his mind and sense of reality. If it had continued any further it would have been a disaster. Leo recommends taking long periods between trips to integrate insights. Even doing psychedelics twice a month is too much if you do that consistently. You’re still not going to be able to integrate everything, so be careful about that. Chronic use will turn psychedelics into a crutch, an addiction, an escape from doing the real, manual labor to develop yourself. So, don’t use psychedelics more than once every two weeks. 16) Misinterpreting Mystical Visions (42:05) You're going to have all sorts of visions and insights, but when you come back down the ego is still going to be there. The ego is going to try to make sense of all these crazy experiences you've had. It's going to corrupt them. It's going to try to co-opt them and use them towards it's own selfish purposes. Here is where you run into the problem of Zen devilry, or false notions of enlightenment and a messiah complex (ep: Becoming a Zen Devil. Summary here.) You start to proclaim yourself to be God and telling everyone how great and powerful you are. You think you have abilities to heal people, to change the world, to awaken everybody. This can get very dangerous. You might get the idea to build a cult. You might think you're qualified to teach people, and if you do, you’ll be teaching them some corrupt version of the truth. So just be very careful because your mind is very self-deceptive, especially when you come down from a high mystical experience. These mystical visions don't necessarily mean what you think they mean at face value. Your mind can easily imagine and hallucinate all sorts of stuff. Maybe because you’re Christian, you experience Jesus delivering a personal message to you. So you start to believe you are Jesus’ messenger here on Earth. Then you come back down from the trip and actually believe that you have been ordained to convert all the heathens to Christianity or something like that. Psychedelics will exacerbate any biases and self-deceptions you have in your mind. For you to gain the most out of psychedelics, it's very important that you have a pure mind, a mind that has inquired into itself outside of the psychedelic trip. Clear out your mind, purge your selfishness, your various biases, egotisms and shadow sides. If you have a dirty, corrupt mind your mystical visions will be corrupted and misinterpreted by the impurities in your mind. You won't be able to separate the truth of the mystical vision from the selfish, personal needs you have. All of your egotism and shadow side will turn your non-dual experience into a toxic, fake-mystical stew. Then you'll run around trying to infect everybody else with it. This is Zen devilry. It’s also possible that having awakenings cause you to think you fully understand reality when you don’t. You only saw a small facet of the truth, not the whole truth (ep: The Many Facets of Awakening.) It usually takes you multiple trips over a period of months and years to assemble a big picture of the truth. Be aware that you can deceive yourself about awakenings and mystical visions. You can misinterpret them badly and infect others with those misunderstandings, so be very careful. 17) The Pain of Being Disconnected From God (46:55) If you're doing psychedelics properly, you’ll eventually become conscious of God. This will be one of the most important, beautiful and profound experiences you've ever had. Then you'll fall back down to earth the next day. You’ll want to get back to God. It’ll become the thing you chase. You’ll be intoxicated with God, with becoming God or being one with God or feeling God's love. Infinite love is so intoxicating that it's going to pain you to go through everyday life disconnected from God and from infinite love. This could potentially get so bad you become suicidal. “What’s the point of this material existence? My crappy job, my crafty family, my crappy life. I should be up there in heaven with God.” You might also spend your days dreaming about the next time you can do psychedelics. Then it becomes an addiction, an escape from material existence, obligations and survival. Counterintuitively, the most profound, beautiful mystical experiences can actually lower the quality of your life. Because before psychedelics your mundane, boring life was all you knew. You were blissful ignorant about the beauty of infinite love. You can’t inhabit that 24/7, so your ordinary life seems very pale by comparison. Basically, you have to relearn to appreciate the paleness of mundane existence. That’s challenging to cope with. Although you can't really get physically addicted to psychedelics, you can become psychologically addicted, especially if your ordinary life kind of sucks. If you’ve got nothing going on for you in ordinary life, then you can definitely see how these psychedelic peaks can become an escape and your sole purpose for living. That’s not healthy or sustainable in the long term. 18) Suicide (50:35) If you're taking psychedelics and you notice yourself having suicidal thoughts, then the first thing you should do is completely discontinue psychedelics for at least three to six months. Don't do them. Reground yourself in ordinary life. Remember, suicide is just a temporary trick of your ego-mind. Don’t harm your body. Make a commitment to yourself to not harm your body. Don't even consider suicide as a possibility. If you maintain at least one avenue of hope in life, you can keep going. (clip: A Spiritual Perspective On Suicide [11 min]) Psychedelics can make some people suicidal for various reasons. You can feel like you're losing your mind, or plunge you into a nihilistic, solipsistic funk. You could misinterpret a vision or insight. You could experienced derealization and get stuck. Basically, you don't want to work on the material plane and you think suicide will give you a shortcut to God. Psychedelics done properly can actually be the cure. They can show you something beyond the material domain, beyond depression and pain. If you're dissatisfied with the material domain, which a lot of suicidal people are, then what you're really looking for is the spiritual domain, but you don't know how to access it. If you can't meditate, do yoga, self inquiry, if you don't have those skills built up, psychedelics can help you deal with trauma. A lot of suicide is rooted in trauma. Psychedelics can show you the miracle of life, of love, of consciousness of God. In this sense psychedelics can prevent suicide, but they can also cause it. It depends on how you them. 19) The Illegal Side of Things (53:00) Familiarize yourself with the legal nuances of these substances. What are the legal ramifications for getting caught with them? Which substances are legal in your area and which are not? eg: Think very, very, very, carefully before doing drugs in Singapore. Maid sentenced to 25 years in prison for trafficking marijuana. This requires research depends on where you live. These substances are illegal in many parts of the world, but not all parts. How you're handling these substances. How are you driving around with them? How you're carrying them? What the policing situation is like? Be very careful about supplying psychedelics to your friends. There’s a big difference between getting caught as a user versus as a dealer. When you start using psychedelics you might want to share them with all your friends and your family. You might start inviting them over for psychedelics or sending them gifts. Eventually, what happens is people start talking and you get caught. In that situation they're to going to try you as a dealer, not as a user who has a little bit of psychedelics for personal use. It's very very important to take precautions so that there’s no links between what you're doing and dealing to others. Make sure that you take responsibility for the legal consequences. Do you understand how many years in jail you could spend if you get caught? Researching that will sober your mind to the realities of things. There’s a big difference between a few months versus 10 years in jail, but you didn't even consider that because you didn’t do your research. There are also legal ways to do psychedelics. There’s also a variety of quasi-legal grey areas too that you can explore. It all depends on your risk tolerance. eg: Ibogaine clinics that treat drug addiction. Leo’s not your lawyer and he’s not telling you what you should or shouldn't do. He’s just saying you need to study this stuff so you know what you're getting into. Then you can avoid the most serious dangers. 20) Taking the Wrong Substance (56:58) Don’t take unknown substances. Sometimes in trip reports, people just take some unknown drug. Don't take random pills from people you don’t know. You have to know what your substance is! Know the dosage and the source of where you got it from. You have to be reasonably confident about the dosage being accurate. It should come from a quasi-reliable source at the very least, if not a reliable one. 21) Toxicity From Impure Substances (58:00) Toxicity comes from impure substances. This depends on if you're getting your substance from a trusted source then this shouldn't be a problem. Certain substances can contain fairly high impurities, especially things like MDMA or LSD, especially if you get it at a rave or a music festival. Those can be notoriously impure. 22) Physically Damaging Your Body with Chemicals (58:38) There are certain kinds of psychedelics that are chemically damaging to your body, like ketamine, MDMA, DMX, NBOMes, nitrous oxide, and others. (Of course, it depends on how much you take and how often.) These substances aren’t even considered classic psychedelics. Solution: stick to the classic psychedelics that will not physically damage your body, like mushrooms, DMT, mescaline, LSD. They’re not physically damaging in most cases for normal people. They're the safest and most field tested. eg: MDMA permanently rewires your brain if you take it too much. It can lead to neurological damage. Ketamine can lead to bladder or kidney damage. There are some substances that you shouldn't take at all. Leo's taken salvia, but doesn’t recommend it. It screws with your motor control and creates very very chaotic trips. Datura’s even worse. Leo’s not doing reverse psychology here. Don’t take salvia or datura. There’s better stuff that’s way safer. 23) Bad Interactions Between Psychedelics and Medication (1:00:40) If you're on SSRIs don't combine that with psychedelics. SSRIs are frequently used among depressed people. If you're on antipsychotics or any other medication, you have to seriously research potential conflicts, side effects and interactions between your medication and psychedelics. These combinations can be potentially lethal. 24) Mixing Substances (1:01:30) When you mix two or more chemical substances together they can have a synergistic effect either positive or negative. That can lead to side effects and drug interactions you didn't anticipate. There have been reported deaths from people taking 5MeODMT plus a medication they were on. Combining 5MeODMT with MAOIs, like you do with ayahuasca, could also be a lethal combination. Combining various medications and supplements with psychedelics, and/or taking multiple psychedelics together is dangerous territory. Stick to one chemical at a time so you clearly know what effect which substance is having on your mind. 25) Psychedelics Can Be a Gateway to Hard Drugs (1:02:50) They can lead to other recreational, hard drugs like cocaine, heroin, meth, crack and so forth. It doesn't have to be that way, but it can be that way. Psychedelics aren’t ridiculously addictive like meth, so the line can get blurry. You might underestimate how addictive hard drugs are. Also, the sources that are getting you psychedelics might also offer you recreational drugs. Psychedelics will open your mind. You might think, “they're not so bad. They're not hurting my body. Why not try some other stuff too?” Then your heroin turns out to be laced with fentanyl and you kill yourself. You have to draw a real hard line between the recreational stuff and psychedelics. Only stick to the psychedelics for personal and spiritual growth, not partying. 26) Chronic Weed Addiction (1:04:10) According to trip reports, some people like to combine psychedelics with weed. They do it to calm themselves down. This can actually make your trips more paranoid and synergize in a negative way. So keep that in mind. Read Leo’s blog post on pre-trip anxiety. Unlike psychedelics, weed is more addictive and easier to use daily. Even if you’re only using psychedelics once a month, if you get into a habit of using weed frequently, that's not going to be good for your development. Leo recommends avoiding weed altogether. 27) Experimenting with Research Chemicals (1:06:00) There’s dozens of different research chemicals. There’s always new ones being released and you might want to experiment with them. The problem is the newer the chemical, the less it’s been field tested, and the more dangerous it is. You could potentially stumble upon something very harmful, so you got to be careful with research chemicals. Also, you might order some research chemicals they end up sending you the wrong batch, which is potentially quite problematic. 28) Hallucinogen Persistent Perception Disorder (HPPD) (1:07:05) HPPD happens when you do so much psychedelics at such high doses that the psychedelic effects linger on your visual and auditory field. Something gets rewired in your brain long after the trip. They can last for months or years or a lifetime. The most common symptom might be tinnitus, which is a ringing in the ears. You can also get tracers or other kinds of distortions in your visual field. This can last an entire lifetime. It can be quite distressing and interferes with one’s ability to enjoy life. So just be aware of that. This happens to a very small percentage of people, but it does happen and you don't know if that’s going to be you. Especially if you do a lot of psychedelics or high doses. Nobody’s sure what causes it, if it’s genetics, or a side effect of mixing psychedelics with medication. You can research plenty of case studies about HPPD online or in the forums on reddit and so forth. Leo’s never had it, but he’s very careful about dosing and not overusing. 29) Extracting, Synthesizing and Dealing (1:09:09) The more you get into psychedelics, you might want to try growing your own shrooms, or extracting DMT, or trying to synthesize your own LSD. You might get some crazy ideas about growing, extracting and synthesizing. At that point you’re running a drug lab and if the cops catch you they're not going to charge you as a user. They're not even going to charge you as a dealer. They’re going to charge you as a drug lab. Don’t do anything reckless. It's not worth going to prison for twenty years just to extract a few grams of DMT. They will easily charge you heavily if they catch you. So you have been forewarned. 30) Online Scams (1:10:25) Leo's heard stories of people buying stuff from random websites and not getting their product. Their money gets stolen by fake websites and shady dealers. 31) Driving intoxicated (1:10:50) Have a rule that you won’t be driving or getting into a car. There are trip reports of really irresponsible people taking LSD then getting in a car to buy snacks, then the psychedelic hits while they’re in the car and now they can’t even see straight, much less drive. Once you've taken the psychedelic sit down, pay attention, contemplate. Don't think about anything else. Focus on your trip. Don’t run off somewhere. Sit through the trip until it's all gone, and then you can use your car again. 32) Thinking You’re Invincible (1:16:10) You might start to think, “I’m God and God is immortal.” Well, God is immortal and invincible, but your human life isn’t. There are consequences in the relative, material domain, so watch out. -Remember, this list was only focusing on the worst of the worst parts about psychedelics. You might be turned off because of all the dangers and problems. Keep in mind that the majority of these dangers can be very easily avoided if you are responsible, thoughtful and careful. -Leo’s given you very quick solutions to many of these problems, so you can avoid many of them. No, you can't avoid all of them. If you're very very risk averse person then psychedelics are simply not for you. -Don’t forget that all of life is risk. If you did a list of all the risks and problems of driving or sex or business or relationships, you would never do any of that. Dangers in business. You can get sued, your partners can scam you, your products can kill people. Dangers with sex. You could catch an STD. You could get a girl pregnant and pay alimony for the rest of your life. You could be impregnated and the guy could abandon you. Dangers in relationships. Your partner could have a crazy ex. She could cheat on you, infect you with an std, hurt you emotionally and steal all your money. He could abuse you, rape you, brainwash and manipulate you, even kill you. -Life is full of risk. It's about managing the risk. You don't want to be paranoid, but you want to take reasonable precautions. You're not invincible. Top Mistakes in a Nutshell 1) Not taking psychedelics seriously seriously enough. Treating them like toys. 2) Being immature about the whole process. Being immature period. Maturity is one of the most important factors to using psychedelics productively and not destructively. If you're immature don't do them at all. 3) Doing large doses and not measuring them accurately. 4) Frequent and chronic usage. 5) Tripping with friends in dangerous environments, with a lot of noise and distraction around. 6) Not sitting still and contemplating because you’re too immature. If you can't control yourself, don't trip. There are trip reports of people who take shrooms, strip off all their clothes and run down the street screaming. This is very immature. “But Leo, I’m tripping!! I’m supposed to be free. I wanna let myself gooooo.” Well, you shouldn't let yourself go so much that you jump off a balcony. If it’s too much to ask of yourself to not do reckless, dangerous things, then don't trip. 7) When mentally ill, mentally unstable and immature people getting into psychedelics. Their mental illness just gets worse and they spiral out of control, and end up taking more to feel better. 8) Zen Devilry. (ep: Becoming a Zen Devil. Summary is here) 9) Not enough theoretical foundation or consciousness work. Learn the metaphysics, the epistemology, spiritual theory, non-dual theory, and so forth. Actualized.org covers all that stuff. 10) Not doing the manual labor of personally developing yourself. Assuming that psychedelics will handle everything, including your physical health and spiritual growth. Substituting drugs for meditation, contemplation, reading, learning, watching Actualized.org, and other spiritual practices. If you just fly by the seat of your pants and do psychedelics, your life will be a disaster. 11) Doin a few trips and thinking you’ve got it all figured out. If you've only done five or ten trips or even 20 trips you have no clue what psychedelics are really like. You're just a widdle baby. It requires about a hundred trips just to start to get your bearings on what psychedelics are, how they work and their potential for spiritual growth. You have to spread your trips out. Treat this as a longterm, multiyear process. Don’t do a bunch of trips back to back. Because you're spreading it out, a lot of work is involved. Follow safe protocols. The more you do something dangerous, the more risk is incurred, so the more you do it, the more careful and methodical you have to be.. Actualized.org and Psychedelics Moving Forward -Leo’s not trying to convince you to do psychedelics. Contemplate these dangers. Take them seriously. Taking psychedelics is a decision you need to make for yourself, not because you think Leo told you to. In the past he’s talked about the benefits, so now he’s providing a balanced perspective. -In the future, Leo wants to emphasize the importance of psychedelics in this work. Emphasizing psychedelics is controversial and people will criticize him for that, which is why he released this episode. So that you’re doing psychedelics in a responsible way. -He finds that psychedelics are the most direct path. They can give you the deepest, clearest understanding of what reality is. So, forget about permanent enlightenment. It’s enormously beneficial to directly experience truth, God, Love, reality and consciousness for yourself. For a lot of people, psychedelics are the only way they will ever experience that. A lot of people get lost in mental masturbation, theorizing about metaphysics and solipsism. It's very important that you actually do the work or you'll get nowhere. (Yoga, meditation, self inquiry, psychedelics, etc) Again, Leo’s not pushing psychedelics on anyone. You don't have to do them. You can still access God, love, consciousness, truth and epistemology independent of psychedelics. But if there’s a direct, easy way to access it, why not use it? Most people aren't devoted enough to meditate for ten years, or do intense ten day retreats. Or they're not spiritually gifted enough. So how do we deliver these understandings to them? -Leo says the depth of his understanding and the quality of his work would be impossible without psychedelics. These tools can reveal non-duality to you quickly, effortlessly, directly and yet they're misused and demonized. As a society we cannot afford to have these amazing tools get so abused. We need to build a responsible path towards psychedelic use, not just a clinical path to only use them for PTSD, depression and addiction. -A lot of people who teach psychedelics don't connect it to the highest, purest metaphysical understanding of reality, or to epistemology or developmental psychology. Actualized.org is in a position to do that or at least play a role in that. There’s a non-dual path through psychedelics. This path doesn't exclude other practices. It just adds an extra dimension of psychedelics on top of it. That's how Leo sees spirituality being done in the future. He feels it’s his responsibility to help actualize ? it. He also acknowledges that he’s standing on the shoulders of giants in the psychedelic community. (Pioneers like Terence Mckenna, Alexander Shulgin, Martin Ball, James Auroch all deserve credit.) There’s also the challenge of popularizing the responsible use of psychedelics. This is about changing culture, changing how society at large views psychedelics. -It’s very important for you to be ridiculously responsible about how you do psychedelics. If you’re doing this in an irresponsible manner with a bunch of Zen devilry, crazy antics, misuse, abuse, harm to yourself and others, Leo will denounce you and kick you off the forum and the comments section. He’s not gonna tolerate any of that stuff, because there's a larger game here and that Zen devilry is not gonna fly. -So just be responsible. Be conscious and get excited about some amazing discoveries in the future.

I think I have always been depressed. Or maybe I wasn't depressed when I was a kid, but I don't remember much from my childhood. Easy for you to say that it's not important to have any social life whatsoever, since you have a huge social life. It pisses me off a bit when people who have a big social life say "you don't need a social life". We are social animals, I think loneliness is the biggest contributing factor to depression, and loneliness is also bad for the physical health. Studies have been made about this. Anyone who would be in my shoes would be depressed. I can guarantee that. Actually probably most people would've committed suicide.

I don't find Leo's video on death making sense to me. If I commit suicide, or die of old age is the outcome of death any different? Does God judge you by the nature of your Death? When you die do you get to choose what happens next?

This. Really this. This is what I'm looking for. Further demonizing of selfishness will do me no favor because I have already demonized selfishness within me. @dflores321 Yea I understand that asking any question at the end of the day will be considered selfish. But can you please look at this from another helpful perspective rather than a dogmatic one ? Maybe I'm not asking out of selfishness. Maybe I feel trapped. Maybe I'm asking out of the need for liberation. It is just survival. Yes. Survival is selfish But making it look like something wrong is further creating more shadows within me where shadows against selfishness already exist Because of these shadows I'm giving into self abandonment to the point of suicide. Do you realize how dangerous this can be ? So finger pointing at me is no favor. I want to be liberated from my chains of a trapped root chakra like the above user said. Yes there is a huge blockage in the root chakra. I'm largely focused heavily on Spirituality and the crown chakra. This has pushed me away from lower chakras and thrown me off balance. Now I'm looking back at creating this balance so I don't turn into some kind of a suicide poet. Your answer is totally useless. Sorry if that offends you but you do me no favor. Just telling you straight.

Is this some sort of deception, the goosebumps, just sort of swimming around is this cold intoxicating, revitalizing but relaxing lake of inspiration? Am I fooling myself? It takes intelligence to fool someone knowingly, and it takes even greater intelligence to be the one who is fooled. Where does this stuff come from? Intelligence eats itself up. Identification eats itself up, it kills itself. All death is suicide. All birth is... What are you doing? You can't dispel me. You can't misspell be. That was supposed to be me. I misspelled. Something feels off, something feels so deep, so real, and yet I feel bothered by it. It feels indigestible, it seems as if I must avoid it. And the only avoidance of feeling is through though, a thought of what that feeling must be. I don't want Nissargadatta to be right and Osho to be right too. These teachers are eating themselves up like a snake eating its own tail. They're both dead. So am I. Oh you're so fucking dramatic. It's all write.

nothing is wrong with suicide - something is wrong with society.

It's been 1 year since I attempted suicide...my spiritual journey started with you Leo. Most of the things I've learnt is from you. I took you as my teacher...I think you know about me and we share a connection..I think you've also talked about me in your videos.... It's after awakening of my kundalini things started to go bad, I started hearing things.. doctors said I had schizophrenia...I started seeing things like once while meditating seeing a human shape coming out on the wall which seemed like my own consciousness....things went to hell,the negativity,my mental health and my spiritual journey was at its peak....now it's been a year and my right hand is severely injured,I can't hold things...I know I was ignorant and this incident taught me a lot, I'm changed but it still shouldn't have happened...are you aware of it,are you concious of any of it? If you are let me know because I have to figure it out and I have to know...

Nope. What Eckhart Tolle says isn't automatically true. Try to end suffering by accepting being tortured, not gonna work, no matter how fancy "suffering stops when you accept the situation" sounds. In reality it doesn't work. And btw, there's also a 2nd choice left: leave the situation (suicide). Which I nowdays think about quite a lot. But I don't want to kill myself because it would cause immense suffering to my parents.

Holy shit life is too short don't waste it like that. You are worrying about the amount of likes???? Oh man! Get out now that you can, this can lead to depression and suicide.

I live in Helsinki, and a few weeks ago I went on vacation to another country. During my trip, I turned on dating apps and finally got a match. I said to her that I'm staying in their city for just a few days and we can have a one-night-stand. We grabbed a drink and she came to my home. Even though it was my first sex, it went really well! (I'm 24 and migrated here around 6 months ago). The next day, she texted me and said she enjoyed last night. We slept again that night. After that, I had to return. We've been in contact since then. The problem is that the experience of having sex and being emotionally connected to a beautiful girl was so great to me to the point that I can't stop thinking about her. I feel so down now cuz I can't kiss her again. it was an uncommon experience for me. I believe that in the near future I won't have the chance to meet another wonderful girl that we can go along with each other and have sex so quickly. Now I'm in a state of grief. I feel depressed and life seems meaningless. Spending time with my friends, doing sports activities and talking to my therapist didn't help much. Why is life hard? I'm thinking about suicide here and there as a way to avoid all of the difficulties in life. I know the rational thing to do is to move on, talk to other girls, and find a more wonderful girlfriend. But I'm hopeless and don't have enough energy to even get out of my bed in the morning.