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  1. @EugeneTheSage Is there any way you could take a job as a tour guide in Germany or become a part time English or German instructor? Those are not usually long term careers. They pay just enough to maybe rent a room and buy your food while you work on your 3D development career. I'm pretty sure you can find a guru somewhere around who does satsang where you can meet others of the same spiritual level. You may not find everything all in one place, but if you compromise a bit, you probably can piece together the things you're looking for.
  2. @BipolarGrowth When referring to non-duality we are forced to speak on two levels. Our language requires terms that refer to the delusion we currently appear to be living in. Non-duality requires entirely different terminology. There is no language specifically to explain what it is. Mostly we can only describe what the delusion is not. "Netti netti." That is why it appears to be just all dualistic terminology. As you listen to lectures or read up on it, you will have to distinguish which level is being spoken of, the dualistic or non-dualistic. And the terms will switch back and forth from one sentence to another. This is tantamount to learning a new language without a glossary, or dictionary or curriculum for learning it. It can't be learned over night no matter what you try. Even Eckartd Tolle who went through his experience in an instant did not try to express any concepts for years until he had studied ACIM, Buddhism and Advaita to learn the most helpful terms so that he could express it.
  3. @roopepa The most difficult part of ACIM to wrap my head around was the concept of guilt. But I think it best not to spend too much time focusing on analyzing what you don't really understand. Analyzing is a function of the monkey mind and keeps you distracted from the main message. My conclusion about all the references to guilt is that the woman who channeled and wrote down what she was told to write and authored ACIM was a psychologist and most psychology included the teaching of Freud and Freud often used the concept of guilt in his teaching. So as this woman was taking dictation some of Freud's teachings such as guilt was the closest she could come to explaining the idea of how the "separation" apparently made it's appearance inside a fictional, delusional world view. To a mind convinced that it has trespassed against the greatest most powerful being in the universe it would most likely be a great cause for terror and feelings of guilt. And that would occasion more guilt and thoughts of having to hide from what you've done, which in one instant could create in the frightened mind an entire universe appearing to be real based on fear and foreboding. This is as far as I've gotten with the concept of guilt, but I have not spent all my time trying to analyze it. On occasion it drifts into my mind and something rings a bell and then the thought drifts out again. Understanding every nut and bolt of this or that concept is attachment to concepts and will slow you down. Just let it pass like a fish passing by in a stream.. Eventually the puzzle pieces will fall into place and the complete picture will be visible.
  4. I think the media is almost forced to make things up because no one hardly ever gets in to N. Korea and that includes media. And it's rare if any journalist is allowed in to take pictures. They are accompanied at all times by officials who will only allow them into certain places and they make sure that pictures are posed showing what the N. Koreans want to show. So reporting any true facts is nearly impossible.
  5. @lmfao Agreed. All you will ever get is advice from yourSELF. There is nothing but that. You are your own guru, your own teacher. @nuwu All you will ever get is advice from yourSELF. But your guru or master (you in disguise) will appear to you through many voices and reminders, something someone says, or you read or a picture or a place. Your inner voice speaks to you constantly, but most of us too distracted to listen. I trust my inner voice to tell me my next step on the pathway. You and we all are in a deep sleep and we think our dream is reality. What we think we need in this "reality" is just as unreal as our night time dreams. We hear the voice of enlightenment and sometimes as we wake for a moment we see reality but the monkey mind or ego (also known as the personality) soon closes in again and we are back to sleep. The universe or God as some label it is LOVE and we are all joined together as One in comprising the spirit of Love. That is why we can trust in this power to benefit us and not fail us. What you want is one big glorious moment of enlightenment where all your questions are answered. Once in a great while someone has a big enlightenment experience like that, but it is uncommon and usually they have no idea how or why it happened. The rest of us are guided by our inner voice, but if we don't feel that inner voice giving guidance or we just are too busy to listen, we appear to be lost until we finally submit to what the inner guidance tells us. Really what I get from your questions is that you long for inner peace and reassurance. I had the same doubts and struggles for many years when I was younger. I now have a sense of peace and trust and it did not come from analyzing all those things you wanted to know. It wasn't super fast or an instant moment of complete enlightenment. I had begun to hear about a book called "A Course in Miracles" from the Foundation for Inner Peace. It is translated now into many languages. At first, I resisted learning more about it. I thought it was some crazy new religious course or something and my experience with religion had ended badly a few years before. So I was not really cool with reading it. But weirdly, I kept hearing about it from different places (this is sometimes how your inner voice is giving you guidance). But still I did not think I wanted to read it. Finally after Oprah did a show on it, I thought to myself "ok, ok, I give up. I'll read it." It's not an easy book to start on. It does turn your thinking upside down in some cases. At the beginning it's just an explanation about our dream reality and why the world seems to be what it is. It is not like a story, it starts more like a textbook, and some of the wording seemed odd so that I had to read a paragraph several times before I could understand. It was like a new language almost. Not the easiest way to start. As I got past the beginning it was more understandable and closer to reading haiku poetry. The statements and ideas became pleasanter to my mind. There are Christian references, usually short, to illustrate what the Christian bible actually meant in parts even though it has been retranslated so many times. As I came to see what these other interpretations meant I found that it answered questions I had not even known I was struggling with. One thing I was frightened of was the idea that if I reincarnated, I might have to experience the torture Jesus went through. But ACIM (short for "A Course in Miracles") answered that and took all my fear away along with many other fears I had. There are free copies of earlier versions available if you do a search. I prefer my older version because to my mind it speaks like poetry and poetry is filled with LOVE which is why it is called lovely. It speaks to my heart and not my head. So many bad habits (like over analyzing and having a short temper and all kinds of fears) just disappeared as I was reading this book. It does not try to convince of any religion, just LOVE. I read this book for 5 years because I always found it cleared my pathway and gave me instant peace anyplace I read in the book. There is a section at the back for students which only requires reading a few paragraphs or meditating on one idea throughout the day. There are 365 lessons like this, but the time you take to read and think about the concepts is entirely up to you. It also explains, that everyone will eventually take the course (participate in its wisdom) but the time you take it in is entirely optional. If you find it, I urge you to download it and try to read it. Try not to analyze. Just read the words and take what you can from it and try to make it to the end. If by the end you didn't find it helpful just let your mind return to what you feel is natural and put it aside. It has a way of creating an opening in your mind for your teacher and that is all that is needed to hear or feel your inner voice. You do need some life experience to tackle all the big subjects you want to tackle as Leo said. That is why you appear to find so much focusing on how it all logically fits together tiring and unsuccessful. As you go through life, your experiences will fall into place like puzzle pieces. Remember your teacher is yourSelf, not the ego self, but the SELF that is the supreme SELF. Quiet the mind as much as you can and don't let the ego distract you with finding certain answers. You and all who are wandering around seeking are allowing the monkey mind to lead. A quiet mind is all you need. Otherwise, there is nothing you (the egoic monkey mind) need do nor should it do but rest in the assurance all is well.
  6. Sometimes I feel like we are the blind following the blind here. Allegory is sometimes the easiest way to illustrate a complicated subject. Suppose you own a nice home. It's well built and visually pleasing, worth quite a bit of money. But it attracts attention, especially from the kind of people who would like to break in and steal the valuables inside. One day, a stranger who feels it's his right to break in and take what he wants simply because it's there and he wants it, speaks to the owner, and does his best to convince the owner, that he, the stranger, would be a better owner of the valuables than the owner is and to please just give him, the stranger, the keys. The owner politely turns the stranger down since as owner, he has bought and paid for the ownership and he enjoys living there. This infuriates the stranger who believes the owner should not have rejected him. The stranger returns to the same house that very night and breaks into the house, taking as many valuables as he can, including a coin collection worth millions and runs off with them. Was the homeowner being selfish when he refused to turn his house keys over to the stranger because, he felt he'd paid for the home and had the title (i.e. certificate of ownership) and he cherished the home and valuables and had no interest in giving all that away for free? Or was he simply respecting his home and property and being a responsible owner? Whose right was it to claim ownership of the home, the real owner who paid for it, or the dishonest stranger who felt he should just take ownership without offering fair payment? We have a term for people like the envious stranger bent on taking someone else's property. It's called robber and what he did is called robbery. There is one other term when it comes to stealing another persons sexual property, and that word is rapist. There are numerous websites that give instructions for getting another person's sexual property, their body. These are referred to as Pick Up Artist advice. Both of these acts are illegal and if you are caught you can be rightfully charged and put in jail. If you wouldn't rob another of their property, then consider carefully what you are doing before doing it especially when it comes to who can rightfully refuse to give their body away under duress.
  7. @spinderella Get a copy of Howard Storm's book, "My Descent into Death." It's been around for a while and is his personal account of his near death experience. It's not a long book and there is a section that is so poignant, I weep whenever I read it. It is the moment that he is forgiven by God or Christ or whatever label you use, for all his past mistakes. The love that shines through that particular scene makes me weep and reminds me of how loved we are. That is the first time I felt real unconditional love for all things and all beings. Here is a link to the author's interview on you tube: Then I read "A Course in Miracles" and once you get past the beginning which seems somewhat dry and you begin to understand it, unconditional love shines through it and removes all feelings of lack of love. Just as an aside, I was always an analytical person but my greatest wish was to find love for everyone. "A Course in Miracles" speaks the language of love and forgiveness and seems to simply soak in without effort. If the text appears to be too difficult to start off with, there are short individual lessons or affirmations, one for each day of a year, but you are not required to go through them at that pace. I read the book over and over for five years because it was like a long cold drink of water to someone dying of thirst. It was my constant reminder of infinite love. There is a couple who are both very advanced through struggle and through their openness to hear the "still small voice inside" and have passed on their method to many seekers. Their names are Candace and DavidPaul Doyle and they have a website. They also do workshops using their method in person around the country. They only just started doing this when I first heard of them and they had an online workshop I participated in. They teach how to communicate with universal love in a very simple meditation. I do this now whenever I wish to have an answer, I listen to her exact words which put me into deep meditation and connection to love, and the answers I receive are either strong feelings or pictures which tell a story. I believe their website gives information about their method if you google their names.
  8. Nothing works because you are trying to add qualities to yourself or knowledge to elevate yourself to a more spiritual level. These are all stories that ego tries to convince you of. But following ego's ideas will never lead you to free yourself from it. Ego will keep you entranced by stories, just the ones you have tried, dead ends. All these things cannot be added to ego and elevate ego. All the trying this and trying that are like rearranging the chairs on the Titanic. This will not save the ship. Nor do you need to elevate yourself. You are already what you seek. Only ego tells you, that you are not good enough, that you are failing. In the Course in Miracles, there is an explanation for this principle which takes a quote from the Bible, "Seek and you will find, knock and it will be opened for you" is what the Bible says, but the ego's motto is "Seek and do NOT find." That is why seeking so often fails. That is ego's intention for you, to seek and NOT find. This is why you hear so often that you must give up seeking, because seeking actually leads to NOT FINDING. Give up seeking, that is based on the ego's belief in future when only the present moment exists. Abide as much in the present moment as you can. Go into nature and just look at the beauty of nature, listen to music and just feel the vibes coursing through you, take pleasure in studying a drop of water and colors reflected in it, when you pick something up, just see the qualities and magic of the contours. Repeat to yourself as often as thoughts of failure come, "I am enough. I AM." Give up all seeking and trying to add some quality to yourself that you believe is missing. Nothing is missing. Nothing needs improving or change or adding to. Listen and watch Rupert Spira who is in the present moment. Those in the present remind us of who we truly are. Stop seeking It and let It seek you when you are ready. Nothing else is required. As the Course in Miracles says, "You need do nothing."
  9. Ego is the one suffering, but because you are still aligned with ego, you feel as if it is you who is suffering. Ego senses when you are attempting to divest yourself of it, and it goes into full on defense mode by the negative concepts it puts in your way, like wanting to just die so you can escape suffering. That would be foolishness because consciousness never dies and the struggle continues on through other body/mind experiences. You mention you are tired of hope and that is exactly where you need to be to submit to the primary consciousness, to say I give up trying to steer my own destiny. That is when the student is finally ready and the teacher shows up. Everyone will come to the point of letting go of the ego and will think it won't work. Finally, finally when you have given up, the miracle happens. Your grip on ego and its supposed power over you will be let loose. It's not all bliss and rainbows, but simply peace, a peace like you have never known, a relief like you have never known and love like you have never known. Let go of hope, let go of determination, let go of aspirations, let go of everything you revere. It's only ego trying to hang on.
  10. Cramping after masturbating is not really normal. My sister spent 20 years trying to find out what was wrong with her. She had gastro intestinal problems as well that were disrupting her ability to function. It got slowly worse over time so that she had pain with sex, and couldn't have sex with her husband even though her sex drive was still there, but when you have pain with sex, that becomes an issue for you. She got very bloated with her periods. Every gyno she saw brushed it all off as just part of being female. Now I'm not a doctor so I'm not trying to diagnose you and I don't want to scare you, this is not fatal and it's not the big "C". But it just reminded me what my sister went through. Even good gynocologists rarely even bring this up because the only way to diagnose it is to have surgery, but a specialist is more likely to know to some degree if you have symptoms. It's called endometriosis. There are very few specialists in the world because it is hard to diagnose. My sister is relieved that the specialist finally found it and did robotic laproscopic surgery, but she is very angry that other gynos she saw didn't mention anything and she suffered needlessly. She even tried holistic doctors. It has vague symptoms and actually once it starts in the abdomen, it can spread to any organ in the body including the heart. Here is a link for a page set up by a Practical Nurse who is in the field to inform women where to find help, and provides a support group, women who have had it and who their doctor was:
  11. @LastThursday This.
  12. Well here's another question. How do you convince the gullible Trump fans that he was not elected and is not president, Just saying it over and over is not working.
  13. I had a woman do this to me. I'd met her in an online game, so it wasn't like I'd met her in real. She was funny and we'd hang out cracking jokes. I liked her sense of humor. But then eventually she came out and asked me if I'd ever consider going lesbian. At first I was trying to be cool and laugh it off, but she wouldn't quit. She gave me all the usual reasons like she could give me more pleasure and all that b.s. So I finally told her she was a nice person and funny as hell, but that sexy play was never ever going to happen, and just take my word for it. So after that she just disappeared offline. Kinda a shame 'cause she was really funny. But I had a bff in high school who I didn't know was bi, until one night when we went camping together and she insisted we try girl on girl. I can't even tell you how uncomfortable and awkward that experiment was. I hated it. I'd been dreaming of having a bf and all of a sudden I was being molested by my bff. Blech Blech Blech. So I really meant it when I said to the online girl, it wasn't going to happen, ever, never, ever.
  14. @VeganAwake There are not separate Gods each with it's own intentions. All these negative experiences are part of the ego stories we buy into. They have never happened. These are only stories in the ego consciousness. The reality of all appearances in the universe are God in perfect order without creating havoc. The havoc is simply what ego perceives and then weaves stories about. We are all the collective conscicousness (the kingdom of heaven) and all One and only one with God/Source/Creator. But we are asleep and dreaming,, lost in the egoic mind. And during our dreaming we create stories just as in night time dreams. Ego convinces us what we see is reality, but it's not. When you actually awaken, the dreams are seen for what they are: the story of ego and just as unreal as our night time dreams. You will smile and shrug it all off just as you do after your human nightmares.
  15. @The0Self If you feel infinite Love, it is such a transformation that you know nothing and no one can threaten the existence of that state of mind. Love is ever eternal and non-destructable. Only in the ego's delusional mind, it seems as if Love is weak and feeble. But love is the fabric of the universe and cannot be destroyed.