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Criminal case study and Profiling of Elliot Rodger. The case of Elliot Rodger has fascinated me since day 1 of my criminal profiling research days. I have studied the whole Elliot Rodger case in depth during my criminal psychology case study last year. And I read his manifesto. It is noteworthy reading it. What I discovered is that he has been branded wrong since his death and much of the details regarding his life and death have been heavily obfuscated by the notorious media. If you care to look deep enough, he did not kill only women, as was the interpretation of the silly media. He killed men as well. He had a lot of resentment built up inside and this resentment came from multiple psychological factors in his immediate environment. For this you need to explore his childhood snaps, there is a certain innocence in his eyes and he was a pretty good kid. There was absolutely nothing suspicious about him. He was partly Asian and that heavily showed up in his appearance. He was hard working and he had great writing skills and pretty good grasp of the world even at the age of 18. You have to understand that this Elliot as a kid had been put through a nightmare. He wasn't raised as some rich spoiled prince as many people would like to believe, and this was the media narrative back then that he was some kind of a obnoxious privileged prince whose parents lavished him with gifts and stuff like cars etc. If you scratch the surface and do a deep study underneath all the media bullshit the way i did, you will see a completely different person. He wanted a great life. He wasn't lazy either. But his parents divorced when he was just 7 years old and barely able to process it. His father had another girlfriend, a pretty Moroccan woman, right after the divorce, not even 1 week into the divorce. His father literally pushed out the mother from his life by alienating mother and son completely from his life. I would say that the father is totally selfish and narcissist and he played this cruel game and sort of got rid of them. They were literally treated like an outcast. He had bought a small house for his ex wife and he wouldn't check on them. He was quite ruthless. He would even tell his son that he was good for nothing.. Elliot grew up under the shadow of his dad, he had no navigation tool to understand things, his self worth was deliberately sabotaged by his asshole father.. His father would tell him to get out of the house whenever he came to visit him. His step mom, the new actress wife of the father was very brutal. There's not a single picture that woman shared with Elliot. She always made Elliot feel like the "unwanted child," but pretended to be nice in public. I also went through the private email exchanges between father and son and it is apparent that the father was not very keen on helping his son financially when the son is just a teenager. He simply wanted to discard him and he sent him away to university in a bid to be as far away from him as possible Elliot was regularly harassed, bullied for being an Asian teen and made fun of. Food was thrown at his face, I mean you can't imagine something worse, he faced a barrage of racial bullying and harassment and Isolation by the people who were studying with it. He was being literally set up to turn into a ticking time bomb. Plus these teens were wealthy teens. They could afford lavish cars and flaunt their wealth and get girlfriends who would only date rich guys. Elliot felt ignored and humiliated by their display of wealth. Elliot also wanted the same stuff they had. He was beginning to feel like a pariah and nobody wanted to talk to him. He hasn't received a hug from his dad for many many years. The dad was always busy with his career like a typical narcissistic parent who don't spend time with their kids. Elliot hated his Asian roots because he was subjected to so much racial humiliation by his environment that he began to develop a sort of self hate towards his own race, which is quite understandable because he was never appreciated for being an Asian, in fact he was mocked and ridiculed. All of these factors transpired into turning him into a ticking time bomb. When he saw other guys get girls he was hurt because he wanted that happiness for himself, I don't think this makes him an incel, he saw simply an average teen looking for love, pretty much like anyone else. The media dubbed him as an incel. Inside he was a ticking time bomb because there was so much pain inside of him waiting to release in dramatic ways. He could not get a job because he did not have the skills for it, he was plainly unlucky and he made mistakes like any other teenager and foolishly spent his money on lottery tickets. His father wasn't ready to help him financially anymore so Elliot knew in his mind that the future was not looking good. He could not deal with the shame that he would be considered a loser meanwhile his peers will get a great job and girlfriends and wives and he will be doing nothing. This made him very frustrated and desperate and the lack of love in his life made him feel a sense of derision towards humanity. Remember that nobody showed him love, as an Asian struggling among white teens, he felt unwanted, abandoned, inferior and ignored. He did not feel accepted wherever he went. So he decided that if he had to leave the world, he would make an impact in whatever way he could, although that wasn't healthy, but he had to throw his anger at the world. I think that his crime and his subsequent suicide were all a very big cry for help. It didn't have much to do with girls as much as his void created by his bullying narcissistic father and a loveless step mom, a helpless poor mother and not having any source of love and encouragement from anyone at all and being treated like a loser by his spoiled rich colleagues who would look down on him. This case was way more complicated with significant factors responsible for his psyche and the resultant tragedy than how the media portrayed him and his actions after his death. It is shameful that nobody wanted to hear his story. His manifesto was never discussed. He was given no dignity at all. And I do see a whole racial component to this tragedy.

I have studied the whole Elliot Rodger case in depth during my criminal psychology case study last year. And I read his manifesto. It is noteworthy reading it. What I discovered is that he has been branded wrong since his death and much of the details regarding his life and death have been heavily obfuscated by the notorious media. If you care to look deep enough, he did not kill only women, as was the interpretation of the silly media. He killed men as well. He had a lot of resentment built up inside and this resentment came from multiple psychological factors in his immediate environment. For this you need to explore his childhood snaps, there is a certain innocence in his eyes and he was a pretty good kid. There was absolutely nothing suspicious about him. He was partly Asian and that heavily showed up in his appearance. He was hard working and he had great writing skills and pretty good grasp of the world even at the age of 18. You have to understand that this Elliot as a kid had been put through a nightmare. He wasn't raised as some rich spoiled prince as many people would like to believe, and this was the media narrative back then that he was some kind of a obnoxious privileged prince whose parents lavished him with gifts and stuff like cars etc. If you scratch the surface and do a deep study underneath all the media bullshit the way i did, you will see a completely different person. He wanted a great life. He wasn't lazy either. But his parents divorced when he was just 7 years old and barely able to process it. His father had another girlfriend, a pretty Moroccan woman, right after the divorce, not even 1 week into the divorce. His father literally pushed out the mother from his life by alienating mother and son completely from his life. I would say that the father is totally selfish and narcissist and he played this cruel game and sort of got rid of them. They were literally treated like an outcast. He had bought a small house for his ex wife and he wouldn't check on them. He was quite ruthless. He would even tell his son that he was good for nothing.. Elliot grew up under the shadow of his dad, he had no navigation tool to understand things, his self worth was deliberately sabotaged by his asshole father.. His father would tell him to get out of the house whenever he came to visit him. His step mom, the new actress wife of the father was very brutal. There's not a single picture that woman shared with Elliot. She always made Elliot feel like the "unwanted child," but pretended to be nice in public. I also went through the private email exchanges between father and son and it is apparent that the father was not very keen on helping his son financially when the son is just a teenager. He simply wanted to discard him and he sent him away to university in a bid to be as far away from him as possible Elliot was regularly harassed, bullied for being an Asian teen and made fun of. Food was thrown at his face, I mean you can't imagine something worse, he faced a barrage of racial bullying and harassment and Isolation by the people who were studying with it. He was being literally set up to turn into a ticking time bomb. Plus these teens were wealthy teens. They could afford lavish cars and flaunt their wealth and get girlfriends who would only date rich guys. Elliot felt ignored and humiliated by their display of wealth. Elliot also wanted the same stuff they had. He was beginning to feel like a pariah and nobody wanted to talk to him. He hasn't received a hug from his dad for many many years. The dad was always busy with his career like a typical narcissistic parent who don't spend time with their kids. Elliot hated his Asian roots because he was subjected to so much racial humiliation by his environment that he began to develop a sort of self hate towards his own race, which is quite understandable because he was never appreciated for being an Asian, in fact he was mocked and ridiculed. All of these factors transpired into turning him into a ticking time bomb. When he saw other guys get girls he was hurt because he wanted that happiness for himself, I don't think this makes him an incel, he saw simply an average teen looking for love, pretty much like anyone else. The media dubbed him as an incel. Inside he was a ticking time bomb because there was so much pain inside of him waiting to release in dramatic ways. He could not get a job because he did not have the skills for it, he was plainly unlucky and he made mistakes like any other teenager and foolishly spent his money on lottery tickets. His father wasn't ready to help him financially anymore so Elliot knew in his mind that the future was not looking good. He could not deal with the shame that he would be considered a loser meanwhile his peers will get a great job and girlfriends and wives and he will be doing nothing. This made him very frustrated and desperate and the lack of love in his life made him feel a sense of derision towards humanity. Remember that nobody showed him love, as an Asian struggling among white teens, he felt unwanted, abandoned, inferior and ignored. He did not feel accepted wherever he went. So he decided that if he had to leave the world, he would make an impact in whatever way he could, although that wasn't healthy, but he had to throw his anger at the world. I think that his crime and his subsequent suicide were all a very big cry for help. It didn't have much to do with girls as much as his void created by his bullying narcissistic father and a loveless step mom, a helpless poor mother and not having any source of love and encouragement from anyone at all and being treated like a loser by his spoiled rich colleagues who would look down on him. This case was way more complicated with significant factors responsible for his psyche and the resultant tragedy than how the media portrayed him and his actions after his death. It is shameful that nobody wanted to hear his story. His manifesto was never discussed. He was given no dignity at all. And I do see a whole racial component to this tragedy.

My friend I been knowing for 3 years now committed suicide. I’m very devastated about it and idk what to do. What happens to her now? Is she traumatized after death. Did she not exist ever?

I had a life full of failures. Very few successful times, followed by more failures. My family is totally unconscious, and just now with Leo's videos I have started to wake up and see how blind and unconscious I have been as well. Lost in egotism, hedonism, anger and alcohol. Most people I know are the same, but they all hide it behind the everyday mask that everything is OK. I have been abused, yelled at, and ridiculized to the point I have no self respect , living with an unconscious mother, and father that consider this Normal , besides there's brothers and sister cut by the same type of existence. I come from a very poor country, full of unconscious people just stuck in self bias and survival. I managed to be in the UK now for the past 10 years, I have lived alone since then still having failures, failed relationships violence and jumping from one place to the other, changing jobs, fighting with unconscious people, because I am unconscious as well , and the cycle never ends. Leo says I am God having a human experience. I know it could be even a worst one. And that I should be grateful for what I have. But the truth is that I am very tired , tired of working, tired of living the same rubbish, and tired of trying. I am not considering suicide or anything like it, specially with one of the latest videos about leo talking about it. Buy putting that aside, why keep doing it? Why would you like to continue living?

This makes absolutely no sense. There is a reason people pursue enlightenment to begin with, a great deal of it is because their lives are not so perfect.....at all. Take Eckhart Tolle for example, he was on the brink of suicide and had severe depression before he woke up.

I don't want to live. I don't want the pain of dying. I don't want to give my family the grief of loss. I would like to be dead, with the existence of my empty bodymind going on. That gives me only one choice: enlightenment. Unfortunately, it doesn't exist. At least not for me. I tried. I went through the knowledges of suffering more times than I could count. Detox 5 times. Meditations for hours. Always hoping for the next stage. Begging God for liberation. No answer. I have to be honest. This rabbit hole and apparent progress I went through, is meaningless dirt. Shoveling dirt out of a hole expecting to find home or gold. I haven't found either of those things. I don't even want gold anymore. I don't believe home is down there either. I just realised something. I have to stop deluding myself. Everytime I think something is working, I found the magic, or I found the secret to liberation or "I'm close": There's always the 2-step-backwards. OBVIOUSLY the eastern traditions are useless. Probably even more than abrahamic religions and their ridiculous idealistic, dualistic worldviews. I have to apologize for every post I've made on this forum, claiming I had a clue about suffering. Actually I don't. I'm gonna delete the one's I regret most if that's possible on this forum. I recently had an extremely concerning thought about which bridge I would jump off, and that's terrifying me. That's the reason I'm writing this, and I don't want anyone to read my previous advices. Note: Don't worry, there's no real risk of suicide for me. It's just worrying thoughts (about that bridge in particular) and how easy it would be to get there. That's actually terrifying. I have a bed, a home, food, some money. Worst case scenario is I'm gonna stay in bed for 10 years, feeling depressed.

@Terell Kirby Sounds like you're just trying to bully people into suicide. I was born with brain damage and I had to spend years working on eye contact, selective mutism, etc. I promise you that when I was at the peak of this medical trouble that I was by no means a "pussy" even though I might have been deemed such by neurotypical people who were judging me on my abilities relative to normal functioning. Anxiety and awkwardness tend to be biological obstacles. It's a much more complex issue than just making people feel bad so that they magically develop new skills that are beyond their current programming. You're just a douche.

Studying, pondering and looking within myself and seeing the layers upon layers of contradictions, loose ends, faultlines and loopholes; it astonishes me how this whole 'thing' is still in one piece. I mean the whole world. I am astonished how anything functions at all! Given that 99% of people having no clue there is such a thing as meta knowledge. I mean its sooooo easy to poke and break people into ashes from inside out considering how flimsy and dreamlike sand castles our fabricated identities are. It astonishes me how come people seem to get together for few hours without raping and slitting each others throats, how people live in a family for decades without murdering each others, how suicide is not happening in billions, how people are not running outside naked in mass frenzy consumed by gnawing madness, how people dont just smash their heads open against the wall, how they dont pick out the eyeballs of their children and cook it so on and so forth. An absolute benevolent force is indeed operating. Yeah the abovementioned 'scary' cases do happen once in while, but yet there is this astonishing miracle holding it all together. Its a miracle people 'think' they are happy and happiness is possible tomorrow, its a miracle things still feel 'stable' in spite of few hiccups here and there. Its a miracle how everything is still maintained and conducted on time and schedule year after year...as if some almighty force is keeping everyone straight in line by firmly sticking its hand up everyone's butt. Its a miracle! And of course if spoken from plain, honest experience, all of it is my imagination. It is all held together because I have still held it all together

This is the end of the forum for me.. How much worse can it really get? I mean this comment does it for me Like Leo is telling some random woman on the forum to go kill herself if she feels like she can't get a date. Wait what??? Wtf??? This is something. I'm not even going to respond to his comments but I feel bad for the woman who asked the question. How can a forum like this and the forum founder encourage a forum newbie to commit suicide? Wtf? How toxic is this forum? I don't want to give the benefit of the doubt to Leo that he simply made an autistic comment where he simply slipped up without having any social cues. I'm beginning to think that Leo is not as innocent as he tries to show. He is acting creepy. This is not to be pushed under the rug. This wasn't a flippant comment especially given the context that the woman was feeling suicidal. It shouldn't be dismissed. He really meant lt I feel like puking. Can't take it anymore I mean that woman is suicidal. It feels like half the forum is suicidal and the advice is just not proper. I'm suicidal as well. A couple of days back a mod was suicidal. I'm so done with this place. It's not the suicide thing that hurts. It's the advice given to suicidal people on this forum that can actually make them even more suicidal I feel. This is just gross psychological abuse in my opinion.

Modern warfare can be an extremely difficult issue to research. There is often a lot of one sided propaganda that it makes it difficult to find accurate information. Furthermore, wars are hectic and it forces people to act from incomplete information. Nevertheless, I have identified some factors which cause wars, which wars are necessary, and which can be prevented. In the modern world, some of the causes of war include the fear of nuclear weapons, energy crises caused by disputes over oil, climate change induced droughts, and ISIS insurgencies. Most of these factors are preventable, but when factions like ISIS occupy large amounts of territories and destabilize regions like Syria, Iraq, Libya, and Somalia foreign intervention is often forced. The first strategy for preventing wars is for the United nations to agree to a universal ban on nuclear weapons. The United States made a serious mistake when the invasion of Iraq began because of the fear of weapons of mass destruction. The weapons did not exist, but Colin Powell was still effective in manufacturing consent for the invasion. In order to prevent mistakes like these from happening again, a universal ban on nuclear weapons could alleviate international tensions. This would also prevent events like the red scare, which could be caused by very powerful nations competing to control land and resources. The second strategy for preventing war is to switch to renewable energy. Since the 1970's some countries in the middle East like Saudi Arabia set up oil boycotts against the United States. These oil shocks caused energy crises which lead to skyrocketing gas and oil prices. This lead to countries from around the world competing for access to oil in the middle East. The clearest example of an international intervention caused by oil disputes was the gulf war. The gulf war took place in the early 1990's because of Iraq's attempt to control oil pricing through an invasion of Kuwait. If more countries switched to renewable energy, it is possible to decrease dependency on fossil fuels which caused these disputes. This is an extremely important step that will also help mankind to avoid water wars. Droughts are a significant factor in placing intense economic pressures on countries. For example, one of the contributing factors to the Syrian civil war was the worst drought in the history of Syria. In the future it is expected that water will play a bigger role in inciting international conflict. These droughts are linked to climate change which can be minimized through renewable energy. This can be accomplished through projects like building solar panels on the Sahara, providing energy for many different countries. This would make it possible to avoid economic recessions caused by energy crises, avoiding most wars in the process. The remaining wars which are hard to prevent are those caused by ISIS insurgencies. Currently, there is a U.S. Led coalition to defeat the insurgents in many different countries. A premature withdrawal of U.S. Troops could leave areas like Somalia and Syria vulnerable to future attacks at the hands of ISIS and other dangerous factions. One of the reasons these factions exist is because people like Osama bin Laden wanted revenge against the United States for all the war crimes the nation caused throughout the cold war. Osama bin Laden argued that the United States caused many events like 9/11 and he was justified in getting his revenge through these attacks. If the United States did not commit as many war crimes, maybe it would prevent people like Osama bin Laden from being radicalized to the point of threatening revenge through suicide attacks against the United States. One of the causes of American war crimes is the use of private military contractors in war zones. PMCs are not held to the same degree of accountability as U.S. Troops, but the incentive for using them is that they are cheaper and require less training. This enabled the torture of Iraqi civilians at the hands of PMCs as the U.S.dependency on PMCs expanded. The United States often used more PMCs than troops, like in Afghanistan by 2007. These trends have continued into 2019, and so long as PMCs are not held accountable, more people might seek revenge against the United for the war crimes committed. From what I have gathered it appears that many wars are preventable unless an intervention is called for to stop factions like ISIS from gaining territory. There are strategies for defeating ISIS, and based on the maps of their territory, ISIS has been in decline over the past decade. It seems that interventions against the groups are often successful and necessary to stabilize different regions. Although humanity may not be able to prevent all wars, it is certainly possible to prevent some of them through a ban on nuclear weapons and a transition to renewable energy while improving the accountability of PMCs to reduce war crimes and civilian casualties. By taking these steps humanity can make the world a safer place by preventing water wars and nuclear stand offs.

now you can make a bunch of stuff up but if you look at the situation clearly you will see that there is nothing more to you currently than your body which is producing your experience. You can't escape your body unless you commit suicide. You can only change it and even if you don't change it, then it will naturally change by itself until body death is reached. beyond that nobody really knows what happens. So seeing that you will be your body until you die and if you are fairly young then you have along way to go its best to take good care of it. or you can call it imagination. I wonder if that will result in a good life

When you try to convince someone to not committ suicide you are just trying to convince that person to stay in hell. I would never do such a thing, that's for sure. But of course I don't tell people to kill themselves either.. But it's their decision to make..

Just endless suffering. Stop telling people to not kill themselves. It's not going to get better, so don't give false hope. Everyone and everything wants to hurt you as much as possible. You are brainwashed into thinking that you must live at all cost, that suicide is always wrong.

Instead of committing suicide, why don't you lie in a hammock between two trees on any beach, and wait to get old looking at the sky and the sea? In the end you will die anyway, there is nothing to lose or gain. I know that it's very difficult to lie in a hammock and look the sky and be happy, there is you creating unhappiness

@Muhammad Jawad Yes, I completely forgot I was a human. I mean, it’s very hard to describe this stuff. But essentially I discovered that I was never really a human to begin with. Ego death = complete destruction of your reality and you in that reality. So yeah, I was gone. I was something else entirely. I wasn’t even “I”. Yes, it literally felt like thousands of years… but this is difficult to answer. Time in the infinite realm and time in the relative realm work very differently. There isn’t really any linear time in the infinite realm. It’s more like the y axis of the present moment is extended to infinity. It didn’t take me days to recover use of my arms and legs etc. It took probably a couple of hours (of relative time) to fully regain control, although I was able to wobble around on jelly legs with some level of control after 20 minutes or so. My legs were actually moving without any conscious input whatsoever from me for a while. When I came around I was pacing in the corner of the room. At that point I was watching my human body doing it’s thing, but as a passive observer - not consciously connected to the body at all. As far as recreating reality on my return, there were actually three distinct realities it felt like I could have returned to. In one, I was in a hospital bed having tried to commit suicide (this never happened) after a very traumatic breakup (this did happen) ten years ago. In that reality, I was coming around from a coma and a family member was holding my hand. It felt real, but I was very disorientated at this point. As I lay in the hospital bed, other potential realities presented themselves. Through all of the different realities, the one consistency was that *someone* was holding my hand. I kept asking who was holding my hand as it kept changing every five minutes or so. Ultimately the reality I came back to was this one. The one where I’m now typing this Maybe I could have ended up somewhere else. I don’t really know. I can’t pinpoint any moment of choosing.

i agree with you before i knew about self help i was doing better . and about spirituality, i dont recommend anyone to go very deep into this path bcz it can be extremely scary like seriously scary that might make u go insane or commit suicide

I'm a people pleaser, not everytime but enough to stop me from not caring of what others people think of me. What prevents me from being authentic, saying no, having an argument or reject someone that I don't want in my life is fear. (that's my opinion maybe I'm wrong) I fear the outcomes of my actions & my words. Since I'm a teenager or maybe even sooner, I manipulate people (mainly unconsciouly) to avoid them to become angry or judgmental with me. I think I adopted these mechanism because I was bullied for years, it went far and I even did suicide attempts. And maybe because of my mother & my stepfather who wasn't supportive and didn't listen to me, they were judging me negatively and I never felt adequate or loved. I see myself being inauthentic especially with girls that I'm attracted to. If I stop a girl that I'm attracted to, I feel insecure, I try to be polite, I can't be relax and I fear rejection or judgements from her. I can ask for a number when I'm interested but just before asking her number, I feel fearful and insecure and it prevents me from being relaxed or keeping a good vibe. I struggle too with keeping eye-contact with womens, I have thoughts like "if I watch her and smile to her, she will think of me as a desesperate needy guy trying to please her" and inside I feel like that, I try to please the girl I'm attracted & I feel bad for that because it communicates neediness. And being perceived as needy from a girl is what I don't want plus it is repulsive for women. After thinking about that, I was wondering; if I take courage; I go out and act like a douche on purpose. For example when I'm attracted to a girl as I talk to her, I say stupid things, I create ankward moments or I act like I don't care at all about her, would it leads to less people-pleasing & less fear to be judged ?

seek awakening. When you are as fucked up as you say you are, you are cornered, there is no way out, things were twisted from the beginning and no matter how much you straighten them they will always seem crooked. When the idea of suicide crosses your mind, it is time to seek awakening. do your research, you are in the right place. If you awaken to your true nature, your problems will be fixed, since they will not be a problem.

Its brilliantly written, BUT Its one of those things depressed individuals with suicidal thoughts will read and might further convince themselves that suicide is the answer. Many people that come here are motivated not by curiosity but to escape their suffering. Which is why one must be careful when translating these insights into human language. Does Leo need to use the words "KILL" and "DEATH" as often to convey the highest ideal of love? How people interpret and act upon these insights might go in a manner in which Leo does not intend. Language offers us words that can convey the same meaning without the morbid connotation, like transience and impermanency for example.

52. High concious job or not doing it. 53. Awakening dick is bigger than yours. 54. Youtube premium subscription. 55. Life sucks. 56. Not using i, me, mine etc. In sentences. 57. Actually learning and growing each with his her own pace. 58. Weird eating/drinking habits. 59. Looking at post count and mod status. 60. Suffering 61. Loneliness 62. If you are not vaccinated you are stupid 63. Considered once in lifetime suicide 64. Bad parents 65. Mental illnesses 66. Offering advice I do regret writing this but whatever. It does belong to collective ego. Focusing on the negative doesn't do much good either. Actually most posts are worthless unless someone learns something. It really should be just do the work whatever that is for you and shut up. So i will shut up now to do my stuff and you go do your stuff.

This is exactly why Christians identify deeply with Jesus as the character of God and say that He is the truth, the way, and the life. That is the value is saying I am Christian because it clarifies what God means to an individual. And that is an important distinction you need to make for yourself. What is God? How does a person act and do when he is aligned with Truth? There is a need for that message to be communicated to someone who does not know God or may know someone who believes in God, but does weird crap like start a suicide cult. God is also identified and distinguished by what He is NOT. like the Neti-Neti method. This is probably why humans can't get away from Good and Evil, even if it is tied to Ego. For example, I could discuss with someone on the street what God is. We both may have an experience of what we perceive as "God" and yet receive two different messages. To Mark Chapman, 'God' spoke to him to kill John Lennon. To me, 'God' says to love someone is to love myself. Which message is 'right'? or another way to put it 'whole' The problem is that the word 'God' can mean different things to people and can create a lot of confusion. The only way to know what is true is to connect to direct experience because Truth is self-evident and deeper than what is captured through the scientific method. I believe Jesus to be the Son of God because his words and actions speaks to the deep humanity in me. But I only came to this conclusion by having personal revelations of God's Love and noticing that Jesus embodied these characteristics to the highest degree. You can still connect to Truth without all of the religions, but it is certainly a great pointer or fast track to Truth within yourself, which I do agree with others is in the Present Moment.

50th post on the Actualized.org forum! I watched Leo's video on how to realize you are God and I was left with something completely unexplainable. When I first watched the video I was left scared so I immediately stopped. The next time I watched the video, the beginning of it was not scary but actually, it was boring. Yeah yeah, I get it. I don't know how I got here, my past is an illusion, I already know these things. Still, I kept watching because I might learn some things. I'm glad I kept watching because Leo said something I never thought of. "Time does not exist." It was one hell of a thing to realize. Everything else started falling into place and I started entering into a different state of consciousness. I felt a lot of something that I simply just cannot explain with words. Every time I was thinking about me in an alternate universe or me going to prison or anything negative, I'd simply realize that's all just fantasy and I would immediately return back to the present moment. Because of this, I realized myself as God more powerfully than I could've ever imagined. At the end, Leo said something like "if you aren't sure you realized you were God, you didn't. You'd be real fucking sure if you did." I smiled because I knew exactly what he meant. This is it, this was what I was looking for. I might lose this state of consciousness but I know I can always watch the video again and return completely to this state or maybe only partially. Whatever the case may be, realizing you are God only once in your life is better than not realizing you are God at all in your life. I'd like to say this was the planned ending for this journal but this literally just happened to me today. I didn't know what the Hell I was doing watching all of Leo's videos and joining this forum. All I knew was that my mental illness was more than just a mental illness. Leo was really speaking to me. However, even after months of watching Leo's content I kept going up and down over and over again without any hope in sight. A part of me felt like I wasn't even ready for this work. I even became discouraged and cried at one of Leo's videos talking about how some people just aren't ready. Still, I knew I needed this in life. No matter how insane it got, I knew this was the exact thing I was looking for. I was looking for peace in the present moment. Now, I am more than just at peace in the present moment. I am the present moment. Thank you everyone in this forum and especially Leo for helping me actualize my life. I no longer feel like suicide is the best option and I'm willing to now embrace the moment, embrace the random, and embrace whatever may come. There's still many challenges left to face in life but I'm finally feeling like I'm moving up the ladder again. Thank you crazy thoughts for helping actualize my life. This is the benefits of losing touch with reality. These were the benefits of schizophrenia.

Sinking and sinking, ball after ball. Prior to thinking happening (blah blah _______). Echoes of anger struggling for recognition and expression, in conflict with my attention which seek further awareness through patience. Alimonies and ecclesiastical ceremonies are garbage mmmnnhhnhhjhjhjjujjjjjjjjhj mmjnhhghhhhmmmjhn throw a suicide party and I'm guaranteed to fucking snap, it's evilsonic, it's pornoholic. Breakdowns obscenities is all I wanna be. IF YOU'RE 555 I'M 666, WHAT'S IT LIKE TO BE A HERETIC. I'm thisssssss close to snapping I swear to fucking christ Ethan I'll turn this car around if you don't shut up. mmmmmmhhhhhhhh.

Are there not seasonal regularities? You have phenomenas like seasonal depression, suicide rates rising in the spring, different activities based on the season etc. Things like light intensity, air temperature and daytime length are huge determining factors for behavior with complex effects down the line. @Staples' point is related to that.

I was at exactly the same place you were, at virtually the same time - four years ago I felt like I was in a very dark place, and there just seemed to be no light at the end of the tunnel. I was even googling the best ways to go about it (drug overdose apparently isn't the way to go), felt like I had no other option. Just couldn't quite bring myself to do it though, boy was I close though... I've had phases of feeling suicidal, I remember there were times in my mid-twenties where I'd wake up in the morning and I'd just think, 'Why even go on?' I felt so lost and alone, I couldn't see any reason to go on. It's not like I was really hysterical or anything, I'd plan it all out quite rationally in my head - the best way to go about it, how to make it look like an accident so it'd be easier on my family (so they didn't have to live with the stigma of suicide).