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I would be mindful of your orientation and intentions. This is a very big statement. Entering "death" zones with 5-meo can be extremely intense and difficult to work through. From my experience, I have an immense respect for the power of 5-meo. The theme of death goes very deep and I would be cautious in how deep you go in the beginning. Especially since you wrote the below: If you were ready to die, it doesn't matter if you end up "worse off" - there would be no "you" to be better or worse off. It wouldn't matter if your shit got blown way out of whack and you went insane. This is death. Everything is surrendered and one has no control over the outcome. To me, your orientation is more toward gaining insights and realizations that can help your person, mind and body to heal, transform and gain wellness. It seems you want the old fearful self to die and to create a new and improved healthy self. Imo, that is a totally legit use of 5-meo. That is a very loving intention for the mind and body. However, that intention is not for the full monty and I would be cautious with your dosages. I would highly recommend starting with a low dose and working your way up to moderate doses. Low/moderate doses can give meta views and allow you to see things like you've never seen before. They can be transformative and healing. I would also have a positive attitude, that this will be a positive loving experience of insight, transformation and healing. Ask the Universe to bring that into your life. . . Higher doses of 5-meo can be a very different experience and intensity. I would say prior experience, transformations and purifications are really important. Ime, at higher doses everything is on the table. For me, it is also important to have respect for the power of 5-meo and enter the trip with a sense of humility and surrender. I have entered trips with a sense of cockiness and got my ass kicked.

@OmniYoga Many organizations have the potential to feel like a cult if you let yourself engage in that sort of behaviour. But Lester had a saying which is not unique in the enlightenment establishment: "Don't believe a word I say but take it for checking". Now if you want the real deal, listen to the original recordings of Lester Levenson, they are very uplifting and motivating. Actually, if you read Lester's autobiography "No attachments, no aversions", it's about how he got enlightened himself and it wasn't via releasing. He basically locked himself in his apartment and did a combo of hard core self inquiry, forgiveness (changing hate into love) of everyone in his life, revision and transforming feelings about past events in his life and confronting his fear of dying. That's how he got himself very enlightened and lived like a recluse for a number of years until he decided to share it with other people. At first he worked with people one on one trying to help them get enlightened like he did but he failed so he looked for effective ways that regular folks would be able to work with. So he gathered a group of people and directed them into creating what is now called The Sedona Method and The Releasing Technique. The story goes that a woman psychologist together with Lester and others developed the system and put the basis of the releasing method. Later on apparently the psychologist lady became fully enlightened herself. So Lester and his team taught classes for free at the beginning, his team did voluntary work. But Lester came to find out that people who weren't invested financially also weren't serious about it, weren't committed enough and plateaued after a while, stopped making progress. So he started organizing courses based on the retreat model, for a moderate price. In the last years of Lester's life, he asked Hale Dwoskin and Larry Crane to keep on teaching. Others like Stephen Seretan who were in Lester's group also taught classes on a lesser scale. Now Lester knew that Hale Dwoskin and Larry Crane had their own teaching style, had made some changes and were charging money. Charging money for the classes is necessary for the preservation of the organization as that's not a church and isn't run by a resourceful enlightened master any more. But really you don't have to spend a ton of money to learn the technique and it actually works like everything else, to the degree you're doing it My five cents is that it's enough to listen to Lester's audios on Youtube or read the transcripts (Book Keys to the ultimate freedom: Thoughts and talks on personal transformation; book No Attachments, No Aversions: The Autobiography of a Master; book Happiness Is Free, and It's Easier Than You Think) then read the books for the actual method and work with the books, for Larry Crane's teaching style which is my preferred, less cluttered and more to the point: The Abundance Book. For Hale Dwoskin's style which has evolved farther from the original, is a softer approach read "The Sedona Method". Those books don't cost a lot of money and you wouldn't be wasting time with them as the concepts presented are very worthwhile. The people who engage in cult behaviours and spend more money than they can afford are the ones who won't work with the books but fall for endless expensive guided releases and retreats. If you'd have some questions about the actual method, ask away, maybe me or others could provide some insight.

@Raptorsin7 Why am I floating through this forum? Newer forum member, been watching for a while. Curious about what is on people's hearts, minds, & spirits? What kind of nuggets are people leaving around? How is Leo attempting to herd cats as they say? How are people integrating and expressing the material? I have been incredibly impressed, for example: 1) (total projection, forgive me in advance) I would assume Leo was touched, moved, activated through something that pushed him to start to dig into the material that builds someone of his caliber. The dedication to absorb, going through daily life and working with the material, refining it, witnessing it, feeling it, intuiting, getting crushed, being elevated to heights, dropped again, shattering into a million pieces, putting them back together, being someone, losing someone, read, listen, discuss, fuck up, cause pain, receive pain, rejection, forgive, silence... try this, try that, incorporate, dismiss, refine... over and over and over... pierce duality.... I project this journey on to my sense of Leo as a person.. Not that it is accurate.. More that when I hear the words being delivered they aren't simply being read, they are being felt, they are known.... something hard fought and won.. fought and won through a combination of surrender and assertion.. flexible strength, complex simplicity or simple complexity, This in and of itself is amazing to my person... Then 2) Leo's ability to craft language and imagery to fit experiences and ideas, of which some are being pulled into a space that they do not originate.. Art.. 3) Taking these skills and building a platform.. The dedication to creating content.. Researching / Crafting content finding language Understanding video production (audio, cameras, software, lighting, editing) How Youtube functions, the social platforms Managing a team 4) Operating a forum around a subject matter that is incredibly sensitive in many ways 5) Doing this outside the typical streams that offer financial investment 6) To be succeeding, watching numbers grow... Off top of my head that is what pops up... I think if I was forced to pick one of the many accomplishments from my limited perspective it would be his personal relationship with duality and the non-dual state and the light he shines on the topic for others. The ability to arrive at a place that is monumental in consciousness transformation is held within this nugget, new culture, new society, new opportunity... (this is obviously spoken from where ever I may be in my own sense of reality and that might be totally delusional, so please, you have to consider that).. delusion or no delusion I believe there is vast goodness here..

a journey to somewhere. Chapter 5. The snow eased up on this quiet Sunday, but it's still sprinkling outside like sifted powdered sugar. I'm sitting in my new place, the Artist's Den, next to the warming furnace, which feels a bit like a fireplace at this point. I just ate my morning smoothie -- yes, ate, because it's thick like pudding. Don't judge me. I've got a fetish for goopy things. I retrospect (I guess that's a verb now) on the past year with a sense of awe. Wow. The transformation is very apparent, not just with my outer choices and activities but with my inner state and the way I treat myself. Like a canvas always next to the palette, I'm always a work in progress. But I can most definitely appreciate how far I've come over the past year. At this time last year, I was freezing my ass off at the intentional community (which I happened to visit last night, oddly enough, to say hi and catch up with everyone). I felt like I had a newfound sense of direction and purpose, but I was still very lost and still hurting over a lot of unresolved grief. I had already cried buckets, but I had yet to cry rivers. I was exploring my psyche and being vulnerable with the people around me. I returned to performing and making music, which then set off a chain reaction of events that led me to tons and tons of musical gigs in the summer. While that happened, I met an attractive girl, started dating, and realized how neurotic I really am. I learned that building a healthy ego ought to be my top priority, not transcending a hurt, unintegrated ego -- because that intention itself came from a hurt, unintegrated ego. I tried 5-MeO for the first time and had a very, very difficult healing crisis. I tried a heavier dose of mushrooms for the first time and had an equally difficult healing crisis. I am grateful for both of these experiences, as they solidified in me the realization that my highest priority for the inner world is self-love and self-compassion. And if that's the case, then my highest priority in the outer world is to commit to this character -- to return to this body fully. I started a running habit out of the joy of running. Most of my work is done out of the joy of working. My sense of trust is stronger than before. My emotional ups and downs are still very strong, but the way I process and handle them is totally different. My life is transforming from the inside out from the simple yet difficult intention of self-love. Now with the new decade, I find myself literally and figuratively in a new place. My music is becoming more niche. I'm doing things more out of love/joy than obligation. I fell in love with someone who's also doing the inner work, which has honestly been the highlight of these past few months. Things are very different. I feel like I'm actually going somewhere. The last time I was living alone, I almost starved myself to death. I cloistered myself in the apartment and had several subtle addictions. Now, I'm reaching out to people every day, giving gifts, dating someone, and doing enjoyable activities. This is a reflection of the change in my relationship with myself. It'll only get more apparent from here. I have personal goals for this new year, but the one intention I want to share for 2020 is this: As much as possible, ask yourself "What would someone who loves themselves do in this moment?"

@Buba I feel for you, 14 years is such a long time to be in pain. To suppress a part of yourself and have an inner conflict about it. I'm glad to know you're getting therapy for this, and that it seems to be helping. I remember Leo talking about expressing the repressed part of ourselves in his videos - it might be the mini-series on 'How Fear Works', perhaps someone here knows. If you have inner gay feelings try to acknowledge, accept and love them, as a valid part of yourself, even if you don't go and actually have a gay relationship. It could be you are bisexual and capable of loving both men and women, but your social conditioning has caused this inner conflict. If you are bi you can still have the life of your dreams, perhaps with a woman, once you have been through the transformation of self acceptance and self love. Although I live in a country that's fairly tolerant of LGBT, not all places are, so that could be an issue too. I don't know about actual life after death, reincarnation, heaven & hell etc. I rationalise these stories as states of mind in this life, in the present moment. For example, realising that the sense of self, I, is reborn moment by moment from the energies of the mind.

I would say there are different energetic orientations of the desire to "master". There is an orientation of wanting to "master" psychedelics for personal development and personal gain. Here psychedelics would be a personal tool to progress along a path toward a destination. It would be like having a magic wand and asking "Can I master this wand to get where I want to in life". Or "Can I master psychedelics to heal my past traumas?". Another orientation is using psychedelics existentially. This is transcendent to the person. Realizations of reality may be revealed that have nothing to do with my personal desires or gains. Or new abilities may be revealed that weren't asked for or desired. With this orientation, one may ask "Can I master psychedelics such that they become a higher order teacher of transformation in ways I cannot imagine?" These orientations are not mutually exclusive, yet ime it's important to the "mastery" process. There are things to keep in mind for someone wanting to use psychedelics for personal growth and skill development toward success. For example, if this person went into "ego death" zones in which trans-personal awakenings are revealed - there may be a lot of anxiety, resistance and inner turmoil. Not just during the trip - also afterwards for days, even months. The person wants to enter another realm to get some goodies for personal gain and they enter an ego death zone showing that "you" doesn't exist. This misalignment of energetic intention and desire can be quite disruptive to a mind and body. The person may contextualize the trip as a "bad trip" that screwed me up. Or that psychedelics don't work for them.

Salutations, There should be more emphasis put on the consumption method than the substance, i believe. In cannabis smoking a lot of vilification results from toxic self-poisoning combustion combined to the cigarette/"joint" ritual, then external factors as moral and economy interfere. It's funny to hear on TV that alcohol is a social lubricant while public-funded "pot" prohibitionist propaganda sounds like it's about masturbation... In my province anyway it's now a crime to wear clothes with a cannabis leaf printed on it and we're supposed to have legalized! It doesn't matter how many times older than 21 people are, the SQdC guards controlling entrance demand that we provide our identification cards. E-Cigs (vapes) are banned and yet visitors can find pre-rolled joints and rolling paper, etc. While the most concerned part of population remains without a voice mass media pushes further vilification like there's no tomorrow - In The Name Of Children. It's been over a year and it appears the only edible to be allowed so far might be CBD tea, which is a joke even when it can be found anyway. Briefly put "marijuana" fuels a lot of discussions except the most basic ones, like a user's consumption method shaping his habit profile, for example. After all i don't recall a single occurence where parents of my family "educated" their teenagers by handing them a 40 oz bottle of their strongest alcohol and much less without a glass... On rare events as Christmass and New Year's Eve only a few minors would be offered to emulate the adults and always with moderation. In other words they were guided using the appropriate tools, starting with small a glass. The smoking habit democratized by James Albert Bonsack over a century ago had one beneficial feature perhaps: by virtue of its path diameter combined with other physical factors it approximately delimited dosing in each puff. Today we live in a world of extremes and of course there's no such thing as metered dosing in any of the popular consumption methods readily available, quite on the contrary. Never mind the obvious display of vilification whole parts of the population are quick to blame behavioral disorders on cannabis, blowing monster clouds nonetheless... Lets have a closer look at the cigarette/joint format. Once lit half of the noble molecules get destroyed by fire simply to keep a fire alive, while generating toxic heat-denaturated poisons by the dozen if not by the hundred, hence multiplying toxicity in presence of intense heat. The worse problem here being about collecting both desirable vaporized compounds and unwanted fire by-products in a same inhalation - which is easy to recognize as vilification if we consider it violates a most basic principle: to just follow "The Shortest Path of Lesser Transformation". In other words this most extraordinary gift of nature shouldn't have its finest features sacrificed for the sake of Victorian-age convenience: It's called trichome glands and they collect precious cannabinoïds with other noble substances responsible for the "entourage effect", etc. That's a nearly ideal packaging format where filtration has been performed on a molecular basis at no additional cost, away from some vegetal substrate potentially soaking with soups of Pest Control Products (100+ already "legaleezed" in my country). In any case, go figure why, there are individuals all to happy to mess it all real bad by setting fire globally, which shall add poison where it was absent before. One might think vaporizers as the venerable Volcano came as a blessing but it turns out this type of slow/steady ovenizer device promotes paraphernalia fascination while awaiting long minutes for a bag to get full, then the owner is naturally tempted to empty it out of frustration for waiting so long, etc. Not to mention global ovenizing boosts the output with a mirage if we consider it's mostly the trichome glands it should target, instead of performing deep extraction leading to blind vilification. Now imagine e-Cigs with their secret recipes, mis-guided 3rd-party interference and what not! Anyway lets go back to the joint format. What we have here is a mix of wood fibers (called paper...), formed into a tube using glue, filled with not-so-noble vegetal fibers and hopefully "bio" while offering a fair amount of trichome glands (e.g. if it's not been "tumbled"), with aroma/taste severely compromized through sterilization by exposure to cobalt-60 radioactive rays if "legal"! But even if the average Joe will insist over getting a 300 mg fatty, even when shared it still represents nearly 10 x 30 mg doses so who's actually shocked by such potential for vilification directly leading into abuse when alone? It's not cannabis that is responsible for all these forms of excessive patterns, not even the potent one. Much like i wouldn't educate a 17-yr old minor by leaving him alone with a 40 oz and no glass i find some consumers fail to assume their own faults, or mistakes. If it's too strong then pass the joint, if alone then don't finish it - even refrain from smoking at all! The Shortest Path of Lesser Transformation is always best, at least if offers a chance to get rid of tolerance issues by avoiding some typical trap about seeking an ultimate puff while the more you try the more you fail, heading for a solid wall-of-shame since every joint is synonymous of more abuse. Too bad no government will ever fix any consumption method, total abstainance is so much more self-serving in political arenas, with Public Health as a decoy. Etc., etc... Keep in mind the goal is to transfer noble molecules from trichome glands into our bloodstream, the rest is potential vilification IMO - hence pay attention to vilification as it kicks back. Good day, have fun!!

Day 15: Today's weight: ? kgs (didn't weigh-in today) Weight loss so far after 14 days: 1.5kg (3.3 lbs) ? on target Weight loss to go: 5.7kgs (12.5 lbs) left to go Starting weight: 62.2 kgs (136.8 lbs) Goal weight: 55kgs (121 lbs) Total weight to lose: 7.2kgs (15.8 lbs) Daily limit: 1,600 calories Weight loss rate: 1 lb a week Date goal weight: end April Today I'm gonna integrate another 16:8 Intermittant fast (8am to 4pm). Also wanna get cracking on my procrastination and time management issues, researching that and implementing Dan Ariely 's techniques (reward substitution and self-control contract). * 8m Pre work-out coffee 87c Capuccino 87 * Indoor bike (35 mins) burned 300 cals * 9.30am Breakfast (muesli) 367c 10g organic unsalted cashew nuts (623) 62 + 18g organic dried juicy apricots (231) 41 + 10g Bjorg organic sugarfree muesli (367) 36 + 10g organic sugar-reduced granola (437) 43 + 10g organic oatbran (359) 35 + 5g organic chia seeds (449) 22 + 100g organic fresh forest fruits (55) 55 + 160g organic soy milk (46) 73 * 1pm Lunch (croque monsieur salad) 625c 100 g lettuce (17) 17 + 50g tomato (18) 9 + 25g bell pepper (20) 5 + 25g cucumber (14) 3 + 25g onion (40) 10 + 1g olive oil (900) 9 + 80g gluten-free bread (260) 208 + 15g organic blue cheese (361) 54 + 10g mustard (245) 24 + 10g mayo (661) 66 + 15g Nori algae sheets (300) 45 + 325g organic orange juice (54) 175 Total cals so far today: 87c+367+625=1,079c 521c left for the rest of the day * 3.45pm Snack (latte and chickpea cake) 521c Latte macchiato 80 + [1/8 coconut iced chickpea cake 294 + 1/16 coconut iced chickpea cake 147 = 441c] That last meal will be followed by 16 hours of fasting. Total cals so far today: 87c+367+625+521c=1,600c ? Indoor bike (35 mins) burned 300 cals ? Accomplished today: ? * at least 8 hours sleep * no aperitifs, no alcohol * 16:8 Intermittant fast (8am to 4pm) * mindful eating * respected calorie goal * 20' do-nothing meditation * daily self-love affirmations * chapter 7 of "As a Man Thinketh" : Serenity * part 1 "Love is letting go of Fear" : Preparation for personal transformation * working through first 2 chapters of "Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself" by Melody Beattie * internet research on OCD/ADHD/procrastination + adult child of domestic violence + binaural beats + neurotransmitters (serontonin, dopanimine) + limited beliefs * a lot of cleaning and housework Main progress today: actually solved my procrastination issue in one fell swoop. Just decided I was either going to waste time researching on the internet on how to overcome my procrastination problem or I could just go and do the actual frigging thing itself that has to be done on my to-do list. So I just went ahead and did what needed to be done in the first place (instead of spending the same time and effort researching on how to overcome procrastination, lol). There's only so many hours in the day, and my stuff's gotta get done. ?

Been recently going through a transformation with weed too... I too “struggled” with daily use but during my usage, I didnt feel struggle, I fucking loved getting high. I loved the expanded sense of awareness, the heightened perception, the creative thoughts, the subconscious mind bubbling up into consciousness... And tbh I still love weed. It feels like my mind is designed to respond extremely well to weed. But what’s finally kicked my daily use was quitting for 45 days straight all while keeping up a persistent meditation schedule. Through meditation, I started getting really good at keeping tabs on how my mind was doing. Meditation, particularly the method I use, focuses on staying aware of the mind itself, whether it feels dull, unfocused, foggy, etc., or whether it feels sharp, focused, and unified. So what happened was that during my hiatus with weed, I started observing how much suffering I was putting myself through with daily use and how damaging it was for my mind. If you look at my profile I made a thread outlining all the benefits I observed from a 30 day break. For me, it wasnt until I was able to REALLY observe the obsessive clinging my mind had to weed, the amount of suffering I put myself through, and how much better my mind felt without weed was I able to give it up. And I was only able to truly see this from my meditation training. Somehow I just haven't been able to see the damage until very recently. Ive tripped on psychedelics and they’ve given me pretty strong indications I need to quit the daily use but I never integrated those lessons. Truly I had to see the “high” of sobriety before I could give up the high of weed, and Ive only been able to tap into this natural high from meditation. I do 1 hour per day of a formal sit. Basically, I had to see the damage and find a better high than the high from weed, and I found this through meditating. Unfortunately, your journey will be different than mine so idk if this will work. However I understand where you're at with weed, it’s such a bittersweet substance, ally, and enemy. Good luck on your journey, and as cliche as this may sound, never underestimate your willpower. If you truly want to quit, you will find a way despite your past failures.

When you mean shamanism = taking psychedelics? No not fully. But even if this did not cure her depression yet, she got some powerful deep insights for her life and with dealing with her actual depression for sure. Of course we tried a lot of other less riskfull things before: meditation (powerful. had one ego death during a 10 minutes session ) holosync (binaureal beats). helped a lot, many bad memories came to the surface. She did this for some months with breaks in between. But it got weaker at the end. When she hear this music, there is really deep things going on in her. She is in another dimension Emotional massage: very very powerful for women I think, I could heal a lot with this. She had many past life experiences during this session, that was scary for me but she was fine Hatha Yoga: After her second exercise she said she felt like the transformation to a super saiyajin from dragon ball. The energy of the whole universe got through her she said, she was the whole earth and the whole sky. She did not do this again, I ask me why her healing stones (also very powerful, but she said the psychedelic experience was much much stronger) more sports and better nutrition (maybe reduced a little stress) psychologist and psychiatrists (was a waste of time)

@Bill W Lol yeah we're all religious here. Even if your an atheist your still either a Catholic or protestant hahahaha no joke ? it's more like culture lol People who misinterpret god and his clues become religious, acting as though they have been transformed when no such transformation has legitimately taken place. The ironic thing is, we are the real Christian's or I could say, we are the real Christ's. And of course this is exactly how Jesus had it. He rebelled against the religion of the day (jewdism) because people were so concerned with looking good that they never really actually met God (this applies with jewdism and christianity). John 5:39-40 Jesus said "You study the Scriptures diligently because you think that in them you have eternal life. But the scriptures point to me! Yet you refuse to come to me to have life." It's like a man who knows he *has* to get a wife to have a family and he goes above and beyond to provide for her in every way, slaving as his treacherous job making sure to put incredible amounts of effort into not saying the wrong thing around her. He wrecks himself with being perfect to her, and in all of this he forgets that if he stopped forcing himself to trying to be perfect all the time with his good works and instead spent some time with the actual girl, he would fall in love with her and his physical works would flow effortlessly and *more perfectly* to her. This is exactly the difference between religion and relationship with God. People are so busy trying to please god, that they miss god! If they only stopped pretending like they didn't still have "sinful desires" and actually spent some time with God himself, alone...they'd fall in love with him and their works would be good effortlessly. It's a beautiful picture.

Hello Seekers, Marking my first post on this forum, I share some recent experiences. This is a long post. I assure that you will likely find it to be worth the read by the end. I divide it into 8 sections. 1. Background context 2. Ayahuasca: healing and insights into non-duality 3. Being allured by the devil, choosing to invite him in. 4. Final realizations 5. Current situation, Reflections, and Speculations 6. Acknowledgements 7. Plan for redemption 8. Note to the reader 1. Background context (quickly) 21 year old male. Relatively early on in spiritual development. I have followed Leo increasingly over the past three years. In the past 4-6 months the seeker within me has grown significantly. I have consumed many of Leo’s videos and read many of your posts here on the forum. I have commenced with reading the booklist and have sought out larger perspectives and concepts. Over the past three years I have experienced a wide variety of psychedelics (to quickly list them: 5 MEO DMT, Ayahuasca, MDMA, Psilocybin, LSD, Ketamine, 2CB, 2CE, etc.). Apart from a temporary full awakening experience (non-dual God realization) very early on (while on 5 MEO), I have not had an enormous amount of personal transformation. My transformation has only start to begin recently, when the seeker within me grew significantly stronger, leading me to start other practices. My awareness and quality of life has significantly improved since commencing Kriya Yoga practice 10 weeks ago. Finally, I bring your attention to my PMO addiction issue, which has plagued my life for quite some time. I have realized elimination of this would be for the best but have failed to do so. 2. Ayahuasca: healing and insights into non-duality Now to current events. I just had the opportunity to spend a week in the Netherlands (NL). With friends (also spiritual seekers), we planned to trip on psychedelics during this week (in the correct setting: alone, in darkness). First up was Ayahuasca. For this I put decent days of preparation in, regarding diet, and abstaining from drugs and masturbation. My intentions before I began the trip were: 1. Address my PMO addiction 2. Contemplation of non-duality and attaining insights. This turned out to be the most healing and directly insightful trip of my life. I had several insights through direct experience. The biggest one being that the entire point of life is for God to re-remember itself during the unfolding of life. In addition, we are the creators of our lives, directly choosing what manifests in the world. These insights were beyond mind-blowing, and contemplation of their implications across numerous domains yielded extreme results. I realized the insight of I AM. I AM all that is or could be. I was overcome with Self-Realization. My heart burst with passion and unconditional love. I felt equivalent to the poems of Rumi, the clearest articulation of pure devotion to the world. Following this, I went into 20 mins of cosmic body orgasm, cleansing me totally, and of my dysfunctional sexual energy buildup. The next morning, I felt positively transformed but immediately felt ego backlash come on. The ego wanted its’ desires satisfied, and now. The day after this, I drank Ayahuasca again, knowing that I could contemplate my new insights even further. I ascended to a minorly high state of consciousness, allowing further contemplation of my new insight, resulting in basking in Self-Love. However, the brew turned out far weaker this time around, leading to a largely underwhelming trip. 3. Being allured by the devil. Inviting him in. Following the second Ayahuasca trip, everything was still going fine. I was in touch with my newly-realized Love and could emanate this. I felt more authentic in my interactions. Though, it felt the ego backlash was still present. This period was quite pleasant until I really fucked up. I was trying to take a nap the day after the second Ayahuasca trip. I rationalized to myself to fap to porn to assist me in falling asleep (being recently so immersed in the Absolute, I made the mistake of thinking I could do anything in the relative). I proceeded to follow through with my plan. I thought nothing of it. Though a deep part of me certainly knew what I did was wrong. Another planned trip was 5MEO during my time in NL. So, thinking nothing of it, I proceeded to do c. 22mg intranasally 30 mins after my fap. What followed was the most terrifying ordeal of my life. Tying in with my realization of the mechanics of Self-Creation on the first Ayahuasca trip, I realized I had just sold my soul to the devil through my fap 30 mins prior. Having been at a place of higher awareness than I ever have been before due to the first Ayahuasca trip, the fact that I traded this for simple pleasure was agonizing. The ignorance and impurity of what I had done shot me right through the deepest part of my soul. I had let the Devil in through the simplest of rationalizations. Though, despite the Devil working through deception, I chose it. This was what made the experience so entirely unbearable. I instantly understood the imagery of those in Dante’s circles of Hell, damned there for eternity for losing themselves to lust and pleasure. I understood it so well because this was where my soul now resided. I immediately recognized the implications of this for every aspect of my life. I was deeply broken in the deepest sense. I was no longer the same person. My soul was not mine anymore. I was filled with impurity to my core. It appeared I was eternally damned. Suicide was likely what was in store for me, as I could not take the agony of my own ignorance. I pictured myself as Nietzche, having gone mad, through peering too far into the abyss and not re-emerging. In the deepest sense I now understood the following two quotes (Jung’s quote of the soul reaching all the way to hell was agonizing apparent): “The line separating good and evil passes not through states, nor between classes, nor between political parties either -- but right through every human heart -- and through all human hearts. This line shifts. Inside us, it oscillates with the years. And even within hearts overwhelmed by evil, one small bridgehead of good is retained.” Alexander Solzhenitsyn “No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.” Carl Jung I slowly exited the trip, the suffering still deep in my soul. To shift from Unconditional Love to this state within 48 hours was unthinkable. Since, this pain has largely remained. I am merely trying to fend it off. I know that the more it affects me, the more power the Devil / Weticko (see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGJCJSwWyE8) has over me. 4. Final realizations (48 hours later) To mark the last day of my trip in NL, my friends and I took MDMA. When it hit, I became acutely aware of the evil spirits in my soul. The feeling was sickening. Naturally, I screamed in agony for 15 mins, to try to purge myself of the evil spirits. However, this effort was futile. The spirits were too strongly entrenched in my soul. I did realize the similarity of my situation to Jung’s descent into madness during his time of writing the Red Book. Also, the descent of Shamans into the underworld during their training. The successful Shamans were the ones to emerge again. I also understood Jung stance on psychedelics: being dangerous if too much of the collective psyche gets into an individual’s personal unconscious (this was now the case for me). I realized I would have to return to the depths of hell to defeat this evil. I was reminded of when Jesus was tempted by the Devil in the desert. I was no Jesus, I failed the test. 5. Current Situation, Reflections, Speculations It is now 48 hours after I have returned from NL. I am under more distress than I ever been in my life. I am due to start a new internship tomorrow and am highly doubtful as to it turning out well. I am not in my normal state of mind. Functioning properly will be very difficult. My soul feels fragmented. I have certainly been corrupted by the Devil / Weticko. Though, I am unsure if energy-feeding beings have also attached themselves to me. This very well might be the case. See: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9PC4V_IWtg. I fear I may have to go through the process of Shamanistic healing known as Soul Retrieval. It feels like my personal power have certainly diminished. Despite this hardship and loss of control, my will is strong. I am not going down with this parasite I have invited into myself. I will face it and come out better the other side. I speculate that I have accumulated a lot of bad Karma because of my impure action (especially at heightened state of awareness), and I am storing this in my mental and energetic bodies. My plan for resolution is to drink Ayahuasca again in NL within one week and face the parasite. I know I must accept the evil in my soul if I am to return to non-duality. However, I hear if it is an entity feeding off me, it should be banished (see the video linked above). So, the contradiction of accepting the evil vs banishing it has me slightly confused. In any case, I feel from my depths that I can resolve this. I now know how evil (the ego) was running me and no longer want any part in it. The Absolute Good is stronger than the ego in me. Though, I must address the issue before losing hope or becoming weaker. 6. Acknowledgments - This entire issue is self-created. I chose to invite the Devil into my soul because of my own actions. If I had simply addressed my impurity beforehand, none of this would have occurred. - Good / Evil exist in duality. Non-Duality is Truth. However, evil certainly exists subjectively in the collective psyche, and now my personal psyche. I feel this must be resolved before I return to Non-Duality. - My recklessness and arrogance in my psychedelic usage. Beware of ego backlash on this journey! In future, I will have far greater respect for their usage. - Many people would now consider me to be insane if I were to explain the source of my suffering. I would likely be labelled with some sort of psychiatric disorder. 7. Plan for Redemption I have mentioned my plan to drink Ayahuasca again in NL within a week. Until then, I must bear my suffering. I will lower the intensity of my Kriya Yoga and meditation practices. I also will research information on the topics of: 1. Spiritual Emergencies 2. Religious Symbology of Good + Evil 3. Exorcism / Shamanic Healing 4. Descent and Re-emergence from the underworld/madness. I’ve also contacted a therapist to assist in preventing the PMO issue from ever surfacing again. I hope they will function as an accountability partner and provide me with CBT. 8. Note to the reader To all of you, I thank you for any input you may have. I hope this post functions to make you more mindful of your impurities before venturing too far down this path. I likely won’t be able to respond in-depth, if at all, to your replies until this is resolved. I will certainly read them though.

@eputkonen If direct experience (another way of saying imagination) isnt real, than nothing is which would make this whole conversation merely semantics. We already know scientifically that there is no foundational reality to "stuff" and "things" but so what? How is this not just mental masturbation? Once someone realizes the illusory nature of reality, the illusion doesnt go away. I agree with Taoism that the illusion ideally needs to be flowed with. If one decides that they reject the illusion, then it is their personal Tao to simply wait to die without taking full opportunity for evolution. We could debate as to whether "evolution" is "real" (whatever "real" means) but my flow in this incarnation is geared towards my highest possible evolution in this incarnation. Yes, physical death is merely a process of transformation but that was not what this post was originally about. It was about people's aversion to that transformation. With that said, I agree that what most people project upon that transformation just ends up being delusion rooted in programmed animal instincts to survive. Im not disagreeing with your position on non-duality....Im just saying that once someone understands it, it becomes irrelevant after that point.

In regards to Inquiry and meditation, and in the category of less is more, a friend sent me this quote recently. I think it's from Cynthia Bourgeault. So right on, but easier said than done. “Anguish is where transformation occurs; in meditation, don’t bypass pain, rather sit with it and transform it. “

There is a lot of talk about different timelines in the alternative community. Are there actual parallell timelines? My view is that no, there is only one timeline. However there is also I believe a transformation going on in the world from a "caterpillar" stage into a "butterfly" stage as Dr. Bruce Lipton has talked about. In that sense there are different "dimensions" or timelines. As an example one person may be spiritually enlightened while another person is still in ego consciousness. Both persons are a part of the same timeline yet experience different perspectives. So yes, if timeline means perspective, they can exist in parallel. And interestingly, it's even possible to experience a little bit of "dimension" shift and "parallel timeline". As Eckhart Tolle said in this video, the awareness of one's own thoughts is already a stepping out of the old ego consciousness:

As @Meetjoeblack said - sure, forgive her, in your own mind, and move on. Forgiving the other person makes you forgive yourself and undestand yourself better - because it's not always one's person's fault 100% (don't blame yourself tho). It also makes thoughts about this person dissapear from your mind and that way you use that energy for productive thoughts to push your life forward. Esoterically speaking, I heard that focusing on someone and thinking about them is like sending them free energy and I must say - this theory might be actually true - how many times you heard a story about a "boy that became a man after breakup epic transformation hype montage". The moment, when you stop focusing on others and start thinking and acting for your own good is the moment you become unstoppable. Good luck, stay strong. PS. About the love part you still see there, watch this, it might be it (it was in my case) : Aka - bitch loved me so much and didn't love herself at all, that she did some nasty shit, just to make me suffer, just to test my love. Nevertheless - that's fucked up shit, I'm out

@modmyth I had a quick read. I have no issues discussing sexual topics in a graphic way, when exploring some of the physiological aspects of Kundalini, it is absolutely necessary. As for me, personally, I feel very far removed from the topic of sexual intercourse in general, as I'm no longer sexually active. Not because of my age (I'm 40), but because of the way the Kundalini mechanism is playing out in me, diverting all my sexual energies and substances towards a higher purpose. I believe there is an evolutionary purpose to all this and my whole being is currently under transformation, being upgraded, so to speak. According to Gopi Krishna, there are times during the Kundalini transformation process, when all the energy being generated by the genitals is needed to feed said process and all of it is diverted towards the brain. He says that this can be reversed, for instance, when the practitioner wishes to procreate, however, I've never tried it, so I can't be sure. Regarding energy work, I get the impression, that your general, relentless horniness is a sign of the rising Kundalini stimulating the lower chakras, especiallly the second and third one. If you were to raise your energies higher, your urges would gradually dissipate and mellow out. But, I'm guessing, that you are perhaps happy the way you are.

I think your niche is something that has serious drawing power on you, something that you were destined to do. We're not blank slates, we have a history, a make up and are drawn to certain things. Fundamentally the world is unbiased, but no matter how hard we try, we will always be biased, the world has things in it that are close to our heart, that matter to us in ways other things just don't. Personally, I haven't found my niche, but I can feel very deeply the things that matter most to me, that define me as who I am and that connection is always emotional. The most powerful of phrasing of niches, I personally found in Robert Greene's Mastery. Here are some examples: -a fascination with invisible forces that governed the universe (Einstein) -The sensation of creating and animating life -Giving a voice to powerful emotions All these people fulfilled their niche in a certain way by being a physicist, a film director, or a jazz musician for the previous examples respectively. They had a certain hook in life, a connection with some aspect of it. If you feel deeply you can probably figure out yours too. It will have a drawing power, like you know how and what to be, a vision. From David Deida's Way o/t Superior Man, I learned that people can go through multiple purposes and niches. When you pursue the depths of yourself in this way for a few years, you will sense a change, different things will catch your interest. You have effectively broken through your purpose and can shed it like old skin, and you will have to look in the depths of yourself again to figure out a new niche/purpose in life. I think this is why some people are much more advanced than others, a life lived pursuing the depths of yourself both on the spiritual path and in the world (life-purpose), transforms you. The deeper the path, the greater the transformation. It is easy to tell when people are living from the heart and when they are not, everybody has their tsunami, often it's hiding just below sea level.

Just appreciate how incredibly complex the circumstances - causes and effects, the coming from's, the life events, the going to's - are that are needed in order to trigger awakening into such a consciousness that is required in order to allow people to let go of what they know and to allow themselves to become something else, something more complex. We can't demand that from anyone. If we manange to achieve such a transformation in anyone, that is a divine achivement in itself

https://eand.co/why-self-help-is-mostly-self-destructive-bs-822af0aa85df I apologize. I didn't notice I didn't paste the link. This is the article. I understand very well what you are saying. I am working hard on improving myself, and everything else I do, except for my lazy days when I am too depressed to be bothered ( less days than they used to be, although more intense - everything is more intense now). I was curious about opinions on his perspective : the social situation which creates the vicious circle of more hard work. I can feel he's pointing to something. What I appreciate most about self help work is that you actually get to know the self, and if you keep looking, maybe the Self as well. And that is something people are missing in their lives. And sometimes I feel they get lost in the hard work for transformation and end up rejecting self. I have to agree that a lot of suffering people experience is a consequence of a poorly organized social system. At the same time, society is formed out of self and Self. How could you improve it if you don't understand your self, let alone the Self?

Exactly when is the Pluto-Saturn conjunction? Is this assassination not attributable? Conjunction is on January 12 which happens to be Jeff Bezos birthday (see last article). Saturn Conjunct Pluto 2020 Saturn conjunct Pluto 2020 shows a stellium including the Sun, Mercury, Saturn, Pluto and Ceres, all square Eris. In mundane astrology, which governs world events, Saturn conjunct Pluto represents large organizations like multinational corporations, superpower countries, the UN, NATO, WHO and trading blocs. Saturn conjunct Pluto also concentrates power and is anti-democratic. Expect propaganda from leaders about power plays, world trade, genetically modified foods, and climate change. There will be debates, announcements or agreements about these things. The masses will be skeptical and protest the changes being forced on them. China will expand its power and influence in an attempt to overtake the U.S.A. as the dominant superpower. Jupiter in the China horoscope is at 22°35′ Capricorn. The concentration of power will also be evident within China through the suppression of minorities, concentration camps, capital punishment and the use of surveillance software for social credit scoring. The 2020 ”Societal Reset” & “The Great Transformation“ 2020-2030 The 2020 Jupiter-Saturn-Pluto Synods square Eris with Ceres, Mars, Pallas & Chariklo ~ A Societal Reset ~ Including The 2021 Jupiter-Uranus and Saturn-Uranus Squares ~ Disruptive Technologies & the emergence of a new Sociopolitical-Economic Paradigm ~ & The Pluto-Eris Square & the Pluto-Eris ~359-year cycle and the global financial system. ©2015-2019, Nick Anthony Fiorenza, All Rights Reserved I like this one for his readability and thoughtful predictions. https://r.search.yahoo.com/_ylt=AwrEeBnoZxBe12QAnzgPxQt.;_ylu=X3oDMTEycDZlOG5iBGNvbG8DYmYxBHBvcwMzBHZ0aWQDQjg0OTJfMQRzZWMDc3I-/RV=2/RE=1578162281/RO=10/RU=https%3a%2f%2fmedium.com%2f%40astrodrew%2fjupiter-saturn-pluto-conjunction-in-january-2020-will-rock-your-world-97b4bab0d810/RK=2/RS=WuTLVYyLwzhxYFTZ5G88M_a3JcQ-

Another thing with a beginner's mind is that it may be necessary for an evolutionary TRANSFORMATION! Think of the ego mind as a caterpillar mind and the group mind as a butterfly mind. The ego mind needs to be completely transformed, including all its concepts, in order to become a butterfly mind. The group mind is a much higher level of mind so the concepts will be much more advanced and harmonious. It's about a transformation rather than destruction, and it will be integral transcend and include of the ego mind. It still requires a total dissolvement of the ego concepts though. For example the ego might like Coca-Cola and after the transformation the ego will still like Coca-Cola but the concept has then become recontextualized into a vastly bigger and collective context. And not only a beginner's mind. Also a beginner's heart, a beginner's body awareness, a beginner's social interactions, a beginner's choice-making, a beginner's emotions and so on. In practice I will test this by relaxing my own willpower.

On Nakedness sometimes i wonder what is the relationship between Sex and being naked - is there any? Traditional sense of sex implies that one has to be nude in order to have sex. So sex includes nakedness. But is the nakedness include being sexual? I think not. When i am naked, i do not necessarily feel like a sexual being although i know that i can feel like that if i want to. I think being sexual while being nude is a choice, neither a necessity nor inevitable. Sometimes i try to be naked just to feel what it feels like. What i have discovered is that there is a difference of feeling while in cloth or being naked. When i am naked, i feel connected to the nature. Somehow it feels raw, although i can not describe the feeling properly. Also, when i am naked i can see that i do not look at my full body. It feels great to look at my cock just the sake of looking at itself other than peeing, masturbating or bathing. A body part of myself just hanging around outwardly yet so much connected inwardly. It is not aroused, not erected - just like soft small tail. I am thinking on the transformation of the cock from non sexual to sexual position. How it changes physically as well as emotionally is just amazing. I will write about it surely.

@Aaron p You received more insights from DMT than hardcore daily practice, which totally makes sense. What about long term transformation? Did DMT provide more of that than daily practice?

Steps 10 & 11: a Zen Christian’s journey in love, paradox and union.. Hello peeps! There are few things more clichéed than someone making great vows to improve their habits in the new year…. so here I go with a new journal… I’ve been sober in recovery for some years now, and I’m guessing some folks here will already know that the 12 Steps are essentially a spiritual program. I’m gonna use this space to keep track of my actions and progress on Stepds 10 and 11: 10 Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. Over the years I’ve made forays into many different spiritual paths, but these last few years I seem to have found the path that works for me in a combination of Soto Zen and Christian meditation… I’m much taken with the work and ideas of teachers like Thomas Merton and Richard Rohr.. So over the course of 2020 I’m aiming to update here each day on my practice and experience, both in meditation and ‘off the cushion’. The measure of a spiritual life is not in what happens ‘on the cushion’ but what happens away from it. After all, if I’m not growing in love and connectedness, both with my fellows and the world, what’s the point of my practice? If there’s one thing I’m pretty certain on about spiritual growth, it’s that paradox is a fundamental aspect of life, of reality and of the spiritual journey. I really see this in the contradiction between deliberate effort and self-dicipline, on one hand, and surrender, on the other. Real transformation isn’t something I can bring about in myself by force of will and rigorous self-dicipline, but by the same token effort and ‘doing the work’ is necessary. Similarly, surrender and self-emptying aren’t things I can ‘achieve’ so much as they are things that happen to me, or envelop me, gradually if I I’m in the right state of openness, readiness and consciousness… ... bla blah blah,.. me me me …. anyhoo… thanks for reading… I’m looking forward to sharing my journey with you, and sharing in yours, in the months ahead… I expect I have a lot to learn from you all, and I hope I can contribute a little bit as you all find you way along your respective journeys too.. Love, Lucas