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Well, you can see this from many angles. One of them is that, in an ultimate sense, is God "victimizing" God. God abusing God, God raping God, God being "homeless" in a world that is nothing but God. Of course, if it is all God, there is also no "abusing", or "raping", those only exist when the ego-mind, which separates itself from everything else (from God) and project meaning into something that ultimately has none. Ok, but let's say that the argument above is too much to grasp (and it is for most people). Let's say then that you got beaten by some bully and that beat made you swift from passivity to proactivity in changing your life, now you workout and practiced some martial arts, which led to making new friends, developing skills, more self-confidence, which made all your life better from now on. That change would never happen by it's on. When an organism is comfortable, change doesn't happen. Now, looking from that angle, the bully is good or bad? Could be that the bully is actually some sort of angel sent to put you into this self-transformation path? See all your problems as a curriculum given to you. You came to this life, shit happened, people mistreated you in horrible and various ways, now you have a particular set of things to work on. Let's say that you got raped as a child by your uncle. Now, to overcome this you have ti develop: self-empowerment, emotional intelligence, forgiveness, self-love, trust, sexual repression, guilt etc. None of that would be properly looked at and worked on if that shitty thing hadn't happened to you. Getting out of victim mentality is about realizing that shit inevitable happens and you have to deal with it, but the best way to deal with it is to see it from empowering angles like the ones I mentioned or some other. You can cry and be angry all you want about the "injustices" (from one partial point of view) that happened to you but once you realize that that approach won't make you better and no one will do it for you, you will seek for solutions instead of problems.

@DrewNows I thought so too! Credit goes to Doctor Jim. Learning different typologies helps me to integrate. By observing my reactive and automatic behaviors and giving a good look at what the triggers are. I may catch it before it manifests outwardly next time. ,,,, Sometimes,,, Too many people only use their enneatype as something to continually verify and identify with. It can be so much more. A way to go beyond one's automatic behavior. Analysis paralysis is a phrase associated with Enneatype sixes. Which seems to be my chief feature. Because Arnold Keyserling was a riotous universal heretic, sometimes in disguise, and became a bad/good influence on a young lawyer named Ralph Losey in the early 70's, they chose to number their version of Enneagram differently. If questioned about this. They might say "Oh, that's just to make it more difficult.,,, Huh?? The following is their description of my enneatype based on categories of language which coorelates with the usual 6 given by Palmer, Riso, and Hudson. Actually this is a typology based on what I call the Keyserling Wheel. To me it seems to combine the Enneagram and the Astrological wheel in a strange way that puts me into a weird space of having the feeling of comprehension of it almost at my fingertips and just beyond grasp. ANALYZE/DISTINGUISH: SPIRIT-SENSING. The adjective - 5 - pertains to analysis, to distinguishing one from another. Its archetypal symbol or myth is Mercury. Mercury involves qualitative discernment and the impulse to judge and rate. It is the "either-or" dissective counterpoint to "both-and" synthesis. The complementary impulse is the first, healing synthesis. The personality type is called the "Status Seeker" or "Performer" or "Motivator". They can be narcissistic, deceptive and pretentious, more concerned with the appearances and trappings of success in their work than with real accomplishments. They are frequently self- assured and energetic, but often too quick to accept the easy answer to a problem, and try to succeed in work through narrow specialization, frequently failing to see the forest for the trees. They tend to be the "Type A" personalities who are ambitious, overly-competitive or "work-aholics". They can also be genuinely-productive, authentic, good motivators and promoters, efficient, knowledgeable and accepting of their limitations, with many outstanding inner qualities and good judgment. from http://www.chanceandchoice.com/course-overview/time-cycles/ Below are some of Arnold Keyserling's poems and ,,,,, prophesies, for lack of a better word. Community of Joy Whoever trusts in himself, and respects every friend as a co-worker, will find a community of joy, which in the past was a rare exception and the lot of only a few. from https://schoolofwisdom.com/ Transformation Your transformation can begin immediately. The first step of transformation is the observation of N O T H I N G N E S S, of the interval. The Nothingness is true existence. Until now you have only valued the experience, instead of the interval. The secret of your strength lies in the interval between the shapes and experiences which inhabit your being. Meaning You will come to your senses and discover yourself, when you finally and forever abandon self-pity and self-criticism. Love The essential experience is and remains love. It can’t be induced by sensorial perception because in order for it to penetrate inwardly and emanate outwardly one must be ready for it. Love is the medium of life to be attained, to feel at home with it and through it to examine and govern all phenomena. Whoever opens himself up to the river of love loses his home: he exists in the Universe. Sadness and darkness are no less powerful than laughter and jesting. But in the river man is truly man, he is the master of himself, speaking with things without harming their sacred quality. Wait for the fulfillment of pleasure. This expectation alone produces this openness whereby love flows through all four gates and your center of being is included in the divine circular dance of happiness. Love reaches from the body to the last star, it is a bond which endures. One can never forsake love. Love is omnipresent, it is all consuming, it is all knowing. When there is a lack of awareness, love is destroyed. Love requires your complete participation. L O V E is fullness in equilibrium, letting go, always forgiving, giving, never confining, being aware, valuing that which is real once the dross has been burned away. Love conquers. It creates beautiful things, it is truthful, it exists in harmony with all beings, it protects and preserves values from alienation, it seeks nothing, yet finds all. Seek the dark love as the path to joy and light. Love means to accept the way things appear and let live. Love comes from the fullness of being. It is neither spiritual nor holy. It is God’s gift to reality. Remain true to this one command: love as a pledge of reality. The opposition of the lazy can only be broken with love. Love doesn’t mean grace any longer. It means being a part of the primal vibration of the universe. It is not something that you do, rather something that flows through you. You can’t cultivate love. Love cultivates you, once you open yourself up to it. It surrounds everything; without love there is no motion.

45 min meditation today as well. Today there was more suffering again. Much anger. My stepmom celebrated her 60th birthday on saturday. I was there, and that triggered a lot of shit in me. Basically my dad manipulated me to live with him when I was 12 and I was falling out with my mom. He used every means he could to turn me against her, instead of being a wise adult trying to soften the situation between us. I felt very unsafe living with my dad, because, among other things, he used to drink a lot (he still does but perhaps he has gotten a little softer over the years), but I was too proud to go back to live with my mom and since she didn't either have any good tools to resolve conflicts, I didn't find any other choice but to continue to live with my dad. Not long after I moved in with him, he found a new girlfriend, who had 4 kids who also came from a troubled home, so I got smashed in together with these troubled kids into a lot of chaos. There has been a lot of alcohol and/or drug-abuse among all of them, and they are all sort of a very gross type of blue-collar working-class people. With my spiritual, artistic and intellectual interests, and being a very sensitive and shy kid, it was very chaotic being grouped together with all these hooligans. Sounds pretty arrogant, hahha, I know, but damn it, they really are a bunch of hooligans. I just have to see it for what it is so that I can better understand my conflicted experience about that whole trauma-soup. And I still experience periods of heart-brokenness about this failed romance I just recently had. So that was also feeding into what triggered me, because it reminds me so much, in a condensed version, of a very difficult romance I had from I was 15 to I was 19 that was part of all this chaos I was growing up in. I'm sure I was projecting a lot of this old experience into the new experience when I was dating this recent lady. But now that I'm writing this I'm really glad that I actually went and celebrated my stepmom, because mentally I was already re-living this period of my life because that romance triggered up so much feelings from that period in my life, so as sort of a psychotherapeutic experience, it was actually perfect to further increase this type of exposure therapy by exposing myself to all these chaotic relationships. I felt like a victim afterwards, but now, thanks to writing about it, it becomes clear that I'm working on some deep shit that it was good to trigger up again. Needless to say, I also have a lot of love for these people. They are part of who I am. We don't have any active conflicts, and there is always a lot of appreciation shown when we meet.. After over 20 years of history together with them, they have become my brothers and sisters. So on to this next thing that is a very important part of my personal development: Strength training. Finally I got my new dumbbells today. I gave away the two 4 kg ones to a friend of mine who is also starting with strength training, and now I have a new set of 8 kilos. Together with my set of 12 kg kettlebells, they are all the weight-lifting equipment that I'm focusing on these days. I've found some very very excellent exercises that I use them for, and I'm very very enthusiastic about this project. Together with meditation, weight-lifting is certainly what I need to boost my self-esteem and my masculinity. I cannot be this tall, sensitive and thin guy anymore, I have to put on just a little bit more weight and muscles so that I just look a little bit more robust - both for my own inner feeling, and for how people perceive me. I was writing that I was going to really take off totally with fitness as a new project beginning next month, but actually I don't think I need to take it that far. I just need to continue as I do already. I've only been back with weight-lifting for about a month, and already I feel much more robust, and this is just the beginning, so I can just continue like this. No need to go all mental about it. So here is a picture of my really excellent and simple weight-lifting equipment, hahaha. I feel so much joy when I look at these weights. They are my new power-amulets. Speaking of which, what I gave my stepmom as a birthday gift was actually an amethyst crystal that I've had for some months and that I appreciated a lot. I see that as a symbolic ritual in turning suffering into beauty through the spiritual transformation that happens through meditation practice. I could have given her some meaningless shit, but I actually gave her something that means a lot to me. And crystals are an excellent metaphor for the beautiful state of mind that meditation can produce when the flow is good.

The traditional African religions or traditional beliefs and practices of African people are a set of highly diverse beliefs that includes various ethnic religions.[1] Generally, these traditions are oral rather than scriptural and passed down from one generation to another through folk tales, songs and festivals,[2][3] include belief in an amount of higher and lower gods, sometimes including a supreme creator, belief in spirits, veneration of the dead, use of magic and traditional African medicine. Most religions can be described as animistic[4][5] with various polytheistic and pantheistic aspects.[6][1] The role of humanity is generally seen as one of harmonizing nature with the supernatural.[1][7] According to the author Lugira, "it is the only religion that can claim to have originated in Africa. Other religions found in Africa have their origins in other parts of the world."[8][9][10] Adherents of traditional religions in Sub-Saharan Africa are distributed among 43 countries and are estimated to number over 100 million.[11][8] Although the majority of Africans today are adherents of Christianity or Islam, African people often combine the practice of their traditional belief with the practice of Abrahamic religions.[12][12][13][14][15][16] The two Abrahamic religions are widespread across Africa, though mostly concentrated in different areas. They have replaced indigenous African religions, but are often adapted to African cultural contexts and belief systems.[17] Followers of traditional African religions are also found around the world. In recent times, traditional religions, such as the Yoruba religion, are on the rise. The religion of the Yoruba is finding roots in the United States among African Americans and some others.[18] Basics of African Spirituality BasicsEdit Animism builds the core concept of traditional African religions, this includes the worship of tutelary deities, nature worship, ancestor worship and the belief in an afterlife. While some religions adopted a pantheistic worldview, most follow a polytheistic system with various gods, spirits and other supernatural beings.[19] Traditional African religions also have elements of fetishism, shamanism and veneration of relics.[20] Traditional African religions can be broken down into linguistic cultural groups, with common themes. Among Niger–Congo-speakers is a belief in a creator God or higher deity, which is considered by some to be a widespread and ancient feature of Niger-Congo-cultures,[21][22][23] along with other more specialized deities, ancestor spirits, territorial spirits, evil caused by human ill will and neglecting ancestor spirits, and priests of territorial spirits.[23][24] New world religions such as Santería, Vodun, and Candomblé, would be derived from this world. Among Nilo-Saharan speakers is the belief in Divinity; evil is caused by divine judgement and retribution; prophets as middlemen between Divinity and man. Among Afro-Asiatic-speakers is henotheism, the belief in one's own gods but accepting the existence of other gods; evil here is caused by malevolent spirits. The Semitic Abrahamic religion of Judaism is comparable to the latter world view.[25][26][22] San religion is non-theistic but a belief in a Spirit or Power of existence which can be tapped in a trance-dance; trance-healers.[27] Some researchers, including historical ethnolinguist Christopher Ehret, suggest that monotheistic concepts, including the belief in a creator god or force (along with the veneration of many lesser deities and spirits) are ancient and indigenous among peoples of the Niger-Congo ethnolinguistic family (of much of West Africa and Central Africa) and date to the beginning of their history, in a form substantially different from the monotheism found in Abrahamic religions. Traditional Niger-Congo religion also included polytheistic and animistic elements.[28][22][23][29] Traditional African medicine is also directly linked to traditional African religions. According to Clemmont E. Vontress, the various religious traditions of Africa are united by a basic Animism. According to him, the belief in spirits and ancestors is the most important element of African religions. Gods were either self-created or evolved from spirits or ancestors which got worshiped by the people. He also notes that most modern African folk religions were strongly influenced by non-African religions, mostly Christianity and Islam and thus may differ from the ancient forms.[30] CeremoniesEdit West and Central African religious practices generally manifest themselves in communal ceremonies or divinatory rites in which members of the community, overcome by force (or ashe, nyama, etc.), are excited to the point of going into meditative trance in response to rhythmic or driving drumming or singing. One religious ceremony practiced in Gabon and Cameroon is the Okuyi, practiced by several Bantu ethnic groups. In this state, depending upon the region, drumming or instrumental rhythms played by respected musicians (each of which is unique to a given deity or ancestor), participants embody a deity or ancestor, energy or state of mind by performing distinct ritual movements or dances which further enhance their elevated consciousness.[31] When this trance-like state is witnessed and understood, adherents are privy to a way of contemplating the pure or symbolic embodiment of a particular mindset or frame of reference. This builds skills at separating the feelings elicited by this mindset from their situational manifestations in daily life. Such separation and subsequent contemplation of the nature and sources of pure energy or feelings serves to help participants manage and accept them when they arise in mundane contexts. This facilitates better control and transformation of these energies into positive, culturally appropriate behavior, thought, and speech. Also, this practice can also give rise to those in these trances uttering words which, when interpreted by a culturally educated initiate or diviner, can provide insight into appropriate directions which the community (or individual) might take in accomplishing its goal.[32] Spirits Edit Main article: List of African mythological figures Followers of traditional African religions pray to various spirits as well as to their ancestors.[33] This includes also nature, elementary and animal spirits. The difference between powerful spirits and gods is often minimal. Most African societies believe in several “high gods” and a large amount of lower gods and spirits. There are also religions with a single Supreme being (Chukwu, Nyame, Olodumare, Ngai, Roog, etc.).[34] Some recognize a dual god and goddess such as Mawu-Lisa.[35] Traditional African religions generally believe in an afterlife, one or more Spirit worlds, and Ancestor worship is an important basic concept in mostly all African religions. Some African religions adopted different views through the influence of Islam or even Hinduism.[36] Practices and rituals Edit Bakongo masks from the Kongo Central There are more similarities than differences in all traditional African religions.[37] The deities and spirits are honored through libation or sacrifice (of animals, vegetables, cooked food, flowers, semi-precious stones and precious metals). The will of the gods or spirits is sought by the believer also through consultation of divinities or divination.[38] Traditional African religions embrace natural phenomena – ebb and tide, waxing and waning moon, rain and drought – and the rhythmic pattern of agriculture. According to Gottlieb and Mbiti: The environment and nature are infused in every aspect of traditional African religions and culture. This is largely because cosmology and beliefs are intricately intertwined with the natural phenomena and environment. All aspects of weather, thunder, lightning, rain, day, moon, sun, stars, and so on may become amenable to control through the cosmology of African people. Natural phenomena are responsible for providing people with their daily needs.[39] For example, in the Serer religion, one of the most sacred stars in the cosmos is called Yoonir (the Star of Sirius).[40] With a long farming tradition, the Serer high priests and priestesses (Saltigue) deliver yearly sermons at the Xooy Ceremony (divination ceremony) in Fatick before Yoonir's phase in order to predict winter months and enable farmers to start planting.[41] Traditional healers are common in most areas, and their practices include a religious element to varying degrees. Divination Edit Main article: African divination Early-20th-century Yoruba divination board Since Africa is a large continent with many ethnic groups and cultures, there is not one single technique of casting divination. The practice of casting may be done with small objects, such as bones, cowrie shells, stones, strips of leather, or flat pieces of wood. Traditional healer of South Africa performing a divination by reading the bones Some castings are done using sacred divination plates made of wood or performed on the ground (often within a circle). In traditional African societies, many people seek out diviners on a regular basis. There are generally no prohibitions against the practice. Diviner (also known as priest) are also sought for their wisdom as counselors in life and for their knowledge of herbal medicine. Virtue and vice Edit Virtue in traditional African religion is often connected with carrying out obligations of the communal aspect of life. Examples include social behaviors such as the respect for parents and elders, raising children appropriately, providing hospitality, and being honest, trustworthy, and courageous. In some traditional African religions, morality is associated with obedience or disobedience to God regarding the way a person or a community lives. For the Kikuyu, according to their primary supreme creator, Ngai, acting through the lesser deities, is believed to speak to and be capable of guiding the virtuous person as one's conscience. In many cases, Africans who have converted to other religions have still kept up their traditional customs and practices, combining them in a syncretic way.[42]

Chris Bache, author of "LSD and the mInd of the Universe", writes that Lsd tends to be the 'High altitude psychedelic that pushes the cosmological ceiling in contrast to the more body grounded psilocybin or ayahuasca. He says that in a therapeutic setting, where the goal is personal transformation, which would keep one working through one's personal issues layer by layer, it is advisable to stay within the range of 50 to 200 mcg. However, if the goal is cosmic exploration, to push through the psychodynamic level of consciousness and trigger an experience of ego death and transcendence, then higher doses are necessary. Bache himself used 500 to 600 mcg. But assimilation and integration at these higher doses becomes a more difficult task. He does say that working with higher doses does include personal growth work as well. From my personal experience taking 100 mcg gave me insights into my earthbound life, while 300mcg catapulted me into space and the universe. In fact, this came to me as an insight when on 100mcg. - the higher the dose, the higher the vantage point. Many people here have reported transcendent experiences on Lsd, and I was wondering if these occurred at the lower doses. if not, which doses triggered these more commonly?

@DrewNows My name spells with an "i", like Galina, due to Ukrainian language they put it as Galyna in my passport. Another synchronicity, which is awesome. Have you ever met anyone with this name before. You are so welcome, my friend. @Amit Today, I just burst out crying, I have never ever in my life felt so much love, this drives me crazy, love of the Creation. It lasted like ten minutes, now it is gone. I want to go so so so deep. It was intense feeling and I want to die in it! Like all the negativity or self-image just disappeared. I wanted but I could not reach this or come closer to the God. I felt this crazy energy is in my heart chakra. I started to cry so hard. I can not describe it. I will start writing about it in my essay. There is so much more to it. I fail here to describe the feeling, I need to contemplate. This is going to heal me. @zeroISinfinity you can not imagine how much loved you are by this Creation. I doubt people understand what love is. It starts with a human being, it collapses with God, where there is no you and Him/Her anymore. This is the craziest, the most dear and the most desirable thing we all crave. The whole complete Transformation.

That blows. We need more high status chads like Zac getting deeply involved in global and national efforts to sustainably solve world issues. Like Conner Murphy for instance: he’s the classic example of orange to green+ transformation.

Day 16 - No Porn/No PMO Day 10 - Bed by 10pm Sun-Thur/ Bed by 11pm Fri-Sat I woke up with some residual emotional unrest, but it felt like whatever emotional release I had yesterday really drained out the negativity I'd been holding onto. In a sense, it's still there because the context which generates those emotions is still very much apart of my experience. However, I think having such a powerful acknowledgement has helps with the overall inner peace of the situation I find myself in. At the very least, I can work towards letting go of the current context, and re-contextualize the situation into one of gratitude. For example, the moments I'm spending with my family are incredibly precious, intimate, and fleeting. I will never get this time back with them; what we have now has been incredibly special and healing for all of us. So in a sense, by being so disturbed about the situation, I'm ignoring the other part of my mind which fully acknowledges and appreciates what we have. Re-contextualization is key, so therefore becoming conscious of the context is key as well. I also suspect COVID is playing a role. I've felt this on an earlier mushroom trip I had which is that COVID is pressurizing humanity right now, forcing latent and unconscious emotions into the surface, and forcing us to deal with them. This is happening both collectively as we try to psychologically manage this new normal, but it's also happening on the individual level with our personal psyches. For the time being I will continue to sit with this, and be patient. I'm really trying to give myself the time and space to properly vision and plan. I'm also trying to take this opportunity to rebuild myself, to truly transform into a version of myself which has the psychological infrastructure needed to step into my vision. Hence this journal, PMO and porn use and to a lesser extend weed and caffeine have been ginormous hurdles on this path of transformation. Interestingly, I had a really wild synchronicity yesterday where I closed my eyes, started scrolling through a book I was reading, and then randomly picked a page to read. The page selection was entirely an intuitive decision. The page I stopped on was the beginning of a chapter labeled "Transformation." And all I could think was "Yep I hear you loud and clear at SELF." Things continue to shift. If I sit and reflect on where I am psychologically compared to where I was even a year ago, I'm much better off despite having no real material changes to show for it. And I think sometimes that's what a theme of life calls for. Some moments are about acquiring physical manifestations such as a University degree, or a high paying job, a house, etc. But this whole year has been about remolding my mind, riding myself of petty subtle addictions, and learning how the mind and ego operate on deeper and deeper levels through meditation and psychedelics primarily, as well as yoga less so. It's also been about learning how to more deeply accept my body for how it is, and its natural limitations. As bitter of a pill as it is to swallow, my body doesn't seem to operate at an energetic level with the likes of Tony Robins for example. Just purely based on physiology, the man will out work me every single time. And that's okay. My pace being less than, slower, more deliberate, is OK. Learning to be at peace with this reality seems to be an important lesson I find myself constantly returning to. How do I balance persistent action towards my goals when I'm working with less energy than a normal human? An answer I don't have yet, but am working on. I think one important step is clearly, and I mean CLEARLY, defining my vision which is a work in process. I could go off on another tangent related to that, but I'm stopping for now. When I'm on my death bed, I know this will be one of the big ones, how did I learn to accept myself, my body, my limitations? The fact that I'm recognizing this now at my age with so much life left is something to be self-grateful for.

Theres a few things going on here it seems. Judging by the statement above you sound ilke your trying to mentally fit into some idea of what it means to be god or free or spiritual. Like you read somewhere enlightened people dont want or lack, so you've tried to emulate or become that. A good place to start is just admit, your not enlightened and you dont know what it would mean to be, just stop trying to play a game of trying to be enlightened or believing you are, or close. You also seem like you may be in a spiritual transformation phase, I'll explain. You had an experience of waking up to some peace and perhaps some realization of a greater Truth, but there is still old beliefs and energies/emotions that you hold or believe yourself to be. One of these energies is like a person wanting to do something with their discoveries/bored with their discoveries. I'm sure there are moments were this feeling and energy isn't happening, and then out of the blue "it" happens and you feel discontent and want to do something with this peace you see emerging or start thinking what it means or what your supposed to do. This can be a hard place to be in, some traditions call it sitting in the fire of your karma/ego dying. Next time you sit in meditation, just wait at peace, and notice the moment this feeling/belief/energy comes up, notice how it makes experience feel (dont look for it, dont generate it, dont wait for it). Then notice when it passes, even if it doesn't. If it feels like there is a way to drop it, do so, if not, let it be there. Keep repeating this in meditation and in your daily life when you notice this experience arise. You may begin to organically see that this boredom and wanting to control or do something with this peace is just thoughts and emotions arising, that you can get caught in and in so doing you believe yourself to be this and its story.

The secret brilliance of one's transcendent nature is an inherently robust and rustic capacity for impersonal acceptance of the impersonal reality of things consistent with karmically generative formal multiplicity. Unity isn't just the perspective of the absolute. But paying lip-service to reasonable and logical notions of Universal Good is just a matter of intellectualism. The power of inherent buddha-nature is literally your own eyes right now. It is a pity that people cannot wake up. Eternity is just this fathomless multiplicity in a word, in a thing, in a lifetime, in a universe. It is fascinating, but so what? The secret of one's inherent transcendent nature is awakening to reality as the authentically complete acceptance of what is as is regardless of circumstances. This does not admit of fascination rooted in the particular nor the vastness of space. Fascination in one is fascination in the totality. Why? There is no end to the one fascinated nor the one fascinating. They are the same. Ultimately, there is nothing to differentiate between self and other. Acceptance of the one is acceptance of totality. It's already you. There is no need to linger in fascinations comprising the nature and situational manifestations constituting eternity. This is the seductive quality of the killing energy of the karmic matrix. One's narcissistic relationship with its creative multiplicity cannot be rationalized romantically and emotionally as wonder because it is really paralyzing numbness compounding moment by moment. When you see reality as yourself objectively, impersonally, you transcend both at once. There is no way to transcend one or the other since both are the essential manifestation of Suchness. So it makes sense that subsequent to seeing reality, there is nothing to linger on. If you consider yourself awakened and you still find yourself lingering on phenomena, it would do well to reconsider your assessment of the nature of self-awakening. The habit of lusting after glinting potential in objects is the lure of one's own residual killing energy no different than the nature of creative evolution. No one has lost their aptitude for applying their tiger-eyes, but how many of us have the effective use of our buddha-eyes? This is due to acquired energy. Acquired energy IS our tiger-eyes. Arriving on the path of prior illuminates in actuality is in looking back to observe the aftermath of stepping over the whole of eternity. It's the description of presence being where you're at beyond the influence of karmic fascinations. Eternity is creation, not your nature. Seeing reality is the perspective of Unity perpetually awaiting the timing of evolution. Yes, this is the path of prior illuminates where the nature of the gradual has transformed from effort reversing the flow of going along to a spontaneous perpetual acceptance of the incipient upwelling at the pivot of awareness: this is the aperture of the Mysterious Female. It's not a place relative to anything. Aperture is a codeword for the perspective characteristic of the nature of its seeing. Its seeing is characteristic of Unity: mysterious/yang; female/yin. In stepping over eternity one assumes the characteristic of unified awareness. It does not depend on sudden enlightenment. In other words, the function of enlightening being is not dependent on awakening to its essential nature, which is already as it is. Even awakening isn't dependent on anything; it is just one's reaching a tipping-point in aggregating the critical mass of potential severing the root of the karmic compulsion to act. Your nature is the nature of awareness, which is not created. That which is not created comprises the path of prior illuminates having stepped over the whole of eternity. Eternity is about 100mm wide~ the distance between your own two eyes; it's just a trickle, really. REALLY. Just step over it. Ok, yes, easy to say, hard to do. But it is first necessary to see it as it is. In order to do that, one must be able to see reality in the first place. How? This is made possible by the breadth of the secret brilliance of one's transcendent nature being the inherently robust and rustic capacity for impersonal acceptance of the impersonal reality of things consistent with karmically generative formal multiplicity. It's already you, right now— forget it already— just be done with it for all time!! Be done with fascinations forever glinting in the unfathomable depth trickling at the juxtaposition of the end of the road of universal acceptance and the timing of letting go. When you yourself become the crossroads of before, after, acceptance and release presently and perpetually arising at its creative incipience, your perspective is the impersonal subtle observation witnessing the spark of the totality of fascination by virtue of each situation in its time without attachments. The taoist alchemical term, stealing potential, is witnessing this spark, over and over and over in actual everyday ordinary situations. This is not wonderful at all— it's just stepping over eternity— stepping over it means you do not entertain personal speculation in its multifarious permutations. In stepping over eternity, you have gathered the polluted unrefined elixir. Seal this away in secrecy void of intellectualism and rumination. This is the visage of the all-at-once perpetually in the midst of the gradual, embodied as the function of your own enlightening being. Don't make the mistake of thinking you do this. It is simply a matter of witnessing your having passed through a situational evolution that has no power to touch you. When the time arrives, it is not a matter of coming or going, movement or stillness. "Passing through" is just a figure of speech. When it arrives, there is already nothing left. Actually, in terms of arrival, the Unborn is refreshed. This is the spiritual power of one's subtle operation transcending yin and yang in terms of created cycles of karmic evolution. It is simply a matter of seeing the nature of sameness. As I said above, there is no end to the one fascinated nor to fascination itself. They are the same in terms of creation, which reflects eternity, not immortality. Ultimately, there is nothing to differentiate between self and other. If one can accept the totality (of creation) within nondifferentiation (the nonpsychological), "stealing potential" becomes the spontaneous transformation of energy from its subsequent state to its primal state within you in terms of your functional abiding in the nature of selfless Unity within the evolution of times, places, situations and events. Spiritual alchemy is just a label for no mean feat. Inconceivability is our nature. Humans being is inconceivable, but conditioning dumbs it down. By necessity, it requires work to awaken to our true self. It's a matter of seeing things as potential by not having complacent opportunistic relationships with potential as things. Ceasing to see things as objects of opportunism reverts things to potential. Not-doing in terms of potential saves energy (unrefined elixir, alchemy speaking). Energy saved as such is naturally transformed without effort (or knowledge). In taoist terms, properly transformed energy is refined elixir. Refined elixir is potential having been stolen from the Creative and restored to the Primal. This is the Real. The Creative is the storehouse of fascination, not reality. This is all accomplished by seeing potential and not doing anything with it to refine the self as opposed to seeing things to exploit (or reject) to gratify the person. Seeing is seeing before the first thought. I'm sorry if it sounds like spiritual mumbo-jumbo, but it's just how it is and no one knows why. If you know the way it really is, then (before the first thought) you partake of the transcendent nature of the real in the knowledge that there is nothing at all to know. And that is why you do not entertain fascinations: since there is, in fact, nothing to know, why on earth act in complicity with fascinations in the first place?!! poofs! Suddenly, it appears as it ever was, whatever it was …amounting to nothing. This is called going through endless transformations, planting lotuses in fire, entering the tao in reality. Just step over in one stride and abide in the illuminated as you were without beginning. Until this attainment is re-enacted for all eternity and becomes the perpetual alternation of one's practice, how can one be said to be free of mundanity while in its midst? The strange has no power over the August Way of perpetually refreshing primal Mind. That fact is not good or bad. Even so, it is by virtue of the formation of the strange that the August is manifest formlessly by the subtlety of enlightening observation. Seeing this is made possible by not tarrying over fascinations of the formal. Seeing reality as it is without attachment to objects, people, situations and events is dispensing with fascinations relative to the formal. Again, until this attainment is re-enacted for all eternity and becomes the perpetual alternation of one's practice, how can one be said to be free of mundanity while in its midst? Clearly, it is in fascination with the spark of strangenesses that one becomes enamored of bondage with its nature, which is karmic. See this sickness for what it is and wake up to its killing energy. Once you wake up to reality, and maintain a consistency of subtle observation over the aperture of awareness for a long, long time, you will find that the allure of the strange has no power over the August Way of perpetually refreshing primal Mind. What makes things seem strange and alluring is that personal ignorance of the essential nature of reality, which is neither different nor the same. Just this is already your nature. So it won't do to enact complicity with mundane fascination to personally create entanglements with objects, people, situations and events where they never existed to begin with.

Being ok with ambiguity Living with any ambiguity used to drive me berserk. Whatever situation I was a part of in the past, I wanted everything planned out ahead of time. I had absolutely no trust that things would unfold in the way they needed to. Larry McMurtry, in one of his novels described one character as being as noncommittal as the Buddha. That description has stuck with me. Probably just because I found it to be so funny at the time I read it. I'm not that ambiguous but I'm somewhere in the middle. Doesn't planning things out mean that you're not present? For me back then, much of the time I was living in a future that didn't exist anticipating possibilities which always included a number of doom scenarios. I can see in retrospect that a good deal of this was because I was consumed with a vague fear. I'm not saying that all my fear has been conquered but I'm not as consumed by it as I used to be. Some applicable Almaas quotes- All of Our Feelings or Emotions are Communications from the Heart All of our feelings or emotions are communications from the heart: they are reflections and reverberations of the basic emotional tone of the heart, which is love. And no matter how far removed from that quality of the heart they might be, as reflections they have something to reveal. So if you don’t follow them—if you say, "This is a bad feeling; I should just feel good . . . I should just feel love"—then you're not listening to the messages of your heart. If you take any emotion and really study it and follow the feeling itself, you will find that it will ultimately take you back to your original movement of love toward the Beloved. That is one of the central rationales on this path for becoming aware of your feelings: To move toward the Beloved, you activate whatever feeling is there at a given moment, you remove the repression, you feel it fully, in order to recognize what it is and understand it. The more that all of your feelings are understood, the more they reveal the deeper roots of those feelings in our true nature. What are they about? What are they telling you? Why do you feel angry? It's good to feel your anger, but you have to find out the reason for it. Remember what Rumi said: He doesn't have any stones to throw. He doesn't have anger, because the love is fully moving in its natural direction. Why would he be angry? If you're angry, it means that a barrier is still there. The anger is not bad, but it's not the end point. Its value is that it helps remove barriers; but first it is a message to us that there is a barrier. Love Unveiled, pg. 93 Grounding Awareness in Bodily Experience is Important Inner support implies that we need to be in touch with our experience. Inquiry is not a mental exercise, disconnected from ordinary reality. We have to be rooted in our everyday personal experience and in touch with our own thoughts, feelings, body, and behavior. Inquiry does not require us to leave our body or try to reach unusual transcended heights of perception—and we will not feel our inner support by doing so. Instead, we need to become more concrete, more down to earth, by delving into our own everyday experience. It is the embodied soul that is the entry to all the treasures of Being. When you are inquiring, it is important to keep sensing your body—to stay in direct touch with its movements and sensations. This includes the numbness, the dullness, or the tensions you may feel. To ground your awareness in your bodily experience is important because your essential qualities are going to arise in the same place where you experience your feelings, emotions, and reactions. They are not going to appear above your head, they are going to arise within you. So your body is actually your entry into the mystery. Spacecruiser Inquiry, pg. 294 Without Basic Trust We React According to Our Conditioning Now we can see how the presence or absence of basic trust is crucial to the initial step in the process of the transformation of any sector of the ego. This step is only completed by giving up the particular structure we have been holding on to. Basic trust gives you the capacity and the willingness to let go of the images, identifications, structures, beliefs, ideas, and concepts -- the remnants of the past that make up the ego. Implicit in this initial step is the second one: If you are able to surrender, then you are willing to be. You are willing to not try to change things, to not manipulate them, to not push and pull at them. You are willing to just be present, which is a sort of realization itself. First, then, is the death of the old; second is the realization of Being. If you don't have basic trust, you will react to what arises in accordance with your conditioning and will want your process to go one way or another. You won’t let yourself just be present; you’ll be tense and contracted. So basic trust is needed for you to be able to allow the ego to die, and also for you to be willing to just be, without reacting. Facets of Unity, pg. 26 from https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/basic-trust

I don't want to become homeless, but I'm considering stop caring about money. There is something ridiculously childish about money and at the same time it's connected to death I believe. The whole world is in a silly ego state which is also like a horrible trap. It may actually be that the coronavirus crisis is a true sign of the end of the world ego state. The ego condition has gotten worse and now people are even physically isolated from each other and from their environment. From A Course in Miracles perspective the whole situation today is based on fear and that's a false state. I still believe that there is a lot of value in our civilization but a transformation is necessary, a transcend and include that transcends the ego structures and preserves what is valuable.

August 15, 2020 Today I had an early shift 6am-10. I did not do much there, but my manager has never stopped reminding me about how shy I am with the customers. I feel like I am not suited for this customer service and the grocery store is just a source of income to me. I never get a chance to use my creative abilities and my complaints seldom change anything. I am optimistic about my abilities to change this situation. I will keep chess jobs as an option for more fun jobs, although I get paid less. I don't really have any significant incentives at Kroger and there are so many other things I could be doing with my life. After work my grandma told me about a trip to see some sunflowers. As I waited I started tying up loose ends by finishing more chess exercises. I am becoming very productive because of my sense of purpose. I still have about several chess lessons from my other courses to finish so I can lay it all to rest. My heart wants to do the life purpose course, but there is some fear holding me back and making me hesitate. I feel like a lot is about to change in the coming months and I need to be ready. I will not let this fear get the better of me and it is only a matter of time, and not that much time. Granny mentioned buying the course next week, but I don't want to keep kicking the can down the road. I will be quick to crush many small tasks, but I will not let my mind trick me into thinking I have done the bulk of the work. For example, I am listening to audio books, but if I really want to improve my relationship with my family, I just spend time with them. I must also learn to be less fearful of the consequences of the social interactions because this fear will paralyze me and me awkward. I will give more Love to those my family and receive what they give to me as well. I decided to go with my family to the sunflower field. We don't normally do this, so I did not pass the opportunity to spend time with them. I did not talk much except to an artist who was designing some cloth with the sunflower patterns. After exploring the field I complimented her work and told her that it will look better in her house than what she buys at goodwill. She also has pride because she made it herself. On the way to and from the field I listened to audio books. I learn a lot from these books and I have way too much to gain to pass up the opportunity to listen to them. I wish I had been doing this for years already. When walking I just need to stay away from busy areas and I prefer quiet neighborhoods away from loud dogs and cars. The value of my walking is so much higher than it previously was, but it is critical that watch especially carefully for cars which I do. My mind also slows down so much and listens to what is coming in. I feel much more passionate about life. One thing I pay attention to is if I feel like I am believing my thoughts and mind. I may need to ask about finding a balance for this and what it means. The effect of has on me tends to be neurotic and painful with no obvious gain for the discomfort caused and it is constant. My thoughts are true enough to say in the moment and not really lies. My cousin was loud and it was a temporary annoyance. I had to turn my headphones loud while in the car, but I prefer to keep them loud enough for me to hear rather than drown everyone else out. I listened to about 4 hours worth of these books in total today and this is a habit worth keeping. Finally, I decided to quit chessable. I was sent an email in which the website encouraged me to keep my streak. I felt an urge to go back to my previous pattern, so I stopped and contemplated the decision with a pen and paper. I decided that I was just doing this to keep a streak and I was not really gaining anything. In order to make my leave more complete, I would need to give away all of my rubies. These are worth real money and take a long time to save up. I decided that if there was real value in that site, then I will start from scratch and do what ever paid courses I thought was best. I will not restore my steak with rubies unless I pay to. If I pay to, I will get addicted again and it may be even harder to break. I explained my decision to the forum. They completely understood my decision and were happy that I was doing what was best for my life. They encouraged me to continue with this decision and I saw that they needed the rubies way more than I did. Some wanted to restore their streaks or buy more courses. I did not need the rubies and I feel very happy giving it away and making others happy. This makes it worth saving the streak after all this time. This is way more fulfilling than getting points and badges and streaks. I will continue to listen to my heart and follow my deepest wishes. One thing I am doing that bothers me is tying up loose ends to leave nothing undone. It won't take more than a week to do this. I am also hesitating because of I add the life purpose course in addition to everything else I am finishing, it could overwhelm me in terms of how much I am learning. Several of my goals are about to be met and with just a couple of days off, I can be on my way to discovering my full greatness by overcoming my fear of the transformation coming my way. Live a passionate life and love will not be so difficult for you.

first of all i appreciate you all for responding @Roy indeed.. @Luciphene The truth is i'm more attracted to aspects of consciousness that has more to do with personality change. i'm not yet ready to die, (even though the perfect moment will never come), the desire for transformation is stronger within me for now. but thanks @Nahm when i have this symptom i know i'm facing my shit. its easy however to distract my self (which is mostly what i do) by self indulging, or other things like setting goals and strategizing about things which are irrelevant to deep changes i want to make, yet they are in some sort beneficial which provides a satisfying feeling of i'm doing something'. @allislove i see your point. sometimes though (At least for me) is necessary to face my self, because i know i'm running away.

Dark night of the soul is a transformation period where you learn to let go of the ego. Depression could be a transformation but not necessarily. There are various forms of depression. I would say that dark night of the soul was easily my most intense depression. It cleared up within 6 months.

What is Shizophrenia? What is Psychosis? What are mental disorders? It seems to me a lot of people just dont know for sure (including doctors, psychologists, etc.). Yeah they read some stuff about it here and there and there are different forms of shizophrenia and then they give other human beings that label and some medication that just make them to a zombie. There is so much more to learn about it. Every conscious mind is unique. You must find out for yourself what that really is. Do not let it hold you back from pursuing enlightenment if that is your goal. There is a lot of research you can do. Read a lot of different kind of books about shizophrenia, do meditation,shamanic breathing, yoga, self-inquiry, research psychic powers, shamanism, kundalini, enlightenment and go do research about psychedelics and do mild doses of them if you are old and mature enough. Explore your conscioussnes. Find what works best for yourself. Here is what Terence McKenna said about shizophrenia: "Schizophrenia is just a catch-all term for forms of mental behavior that we don’t understand. In the 19th century, there was a term “melancholia,” which we would now call bipolar depression, so forth and so on. But all forms of sadness, unhappiness, maladaptation, so forth and so on, were poured into this label “melancholia.” Now, schizophrenia is a similar thing. I can remember an experience I had years ago, it was in the Tolman Library at the University of California, which is the psych library, and I was looking up some drug or something, and I just saw a book and I pulled it off the shelf, a book about schizophrenia. And it said, “the typical schizophrenic lives in a world of twilight imagining, marginal to his society, incapable of holding a regular job, these people live on the fringes, content to drift in their own self-created value systems.” {And I thought,} That’s it! That’s it! Now I understand!… We have no tradition of shamanism. We have no tradition of journeying into these mental worlds. We are terrified of madness. We fear it because the Western mind is a house of cards, and the people who built that house of cards know that, and they are terrified of madness. Tim Leary once said – or I gave him credit for saying; he later told me he never said it – but whoever said it, this was a brilliant statement; someone once said, “LSD is a psychedelic substance which occasionally causes psychotic behaviour in people who have not taken it.” – right? And I would bet you that more people have exhibited psychotic behaviour from not taking LSD, but just thinking about it, than ever exhibited it from taking it – certainly in my family. I watched my parents both go psychotic from the mere fact that LSD existed; they would never have taken it. There is a great phobia about the mind: the Western mind is very queasy when first principles are questioned. Rarer than corpses in this society are the untreated mad, because we can’t come to terms with that. A shaman is someone who swims in the same ocean as the schizophrenic, but the shaman has thousands and thousands of years of sanctioned technique and tradition to draw upon. In a traditional society, if you exhibited “schizophrenic” tendencies, you are immediately drawn out of the pack and put under the care and tutelage of master shamans. You are told: “You are special. Your abilities are very central to the health of our society. You will cure. You will prophesy. You will guide our society in its most fundamental decisions.” Contrast this with what a person exhibiting schizophrenic activity in our society is told. They’re told: “You don’t fit in. You are becoming a problem. You don’t pull your own weight. You are not of equal worth to the rest of us. You are sick. You have to go to the hospital. You have to be locked up.” – You are on a par with prisoners and lost dogs in our society. So that treatment of schizophrenia makes it incurable. Imagine if you were slightly odd, and the solution were to take you and put you – lock you into a place where everyone was seriously mad. That would drive anyone mad! If you’ve ever been in a madhouse, you know that it’s an environment calculated to make you crazy and to keep you crazy. This would never happen in an aboriginal or traditional society. I wrote a book, I mean this has to be the wrap-up, because we’re over time – but I wrote a book called The Archaic Revival; I signed it tonight for some of you. The idea there is that we have gone sick by following a path of untrammeled rationalism, male dominance, attention to the visible surface of things, practicality, bottom-line-ism. We have gone very, very sick. And the body politic, like any body, when it feels itself to be sick, it begins to produce antibodies, or strategies for overcoming the condition of dis-ease. And the 20th century is an enormous effort at self-healing. Phenomena as diverse as surrealism, body piercing, psychedelic drug use, sexual permissiveness, jazz, experimental dance, rave culture, tattooing, the list is endless. What do all these things have in common? They represent various styles of rejection of linear values. The society is trying to cure itself by an archaic revival, by a reversion to archaic values. So when I see people manifesting sexual ambiguity, or scarifying themselves, or showing a lot of flesh, or dancing to syncopated music, or getting loaded, or violating ordinary canons of sexual behavior, I applaud all of this; because it’s an impulse to return to what is felt by the body – what is authentic, what is archaic – and when you tease apart these archaic impulses, at the very center of all these impulses is the desire to return to a world of magical empowerment of feeling. And at the center of that impulse is the shaman: stoned, intoxicated on plants, speaking with the spirit helpers, dancing in the moonlight, and vivifying and invoking a world of conscious, living mystery. That’s what the world is. The world is not an unsolved problem for scientists or sociologists. The world is a living mystery: our birth, our death, our being in the moment – these are mysteries. They are doorways opening on to unimaginable vistas of self-exploration, empowerment and hope for the human enterprise. And our culture has killed that, taken it away from us, made us consumers of shoddy products and shoddier ideals. We have to get away from that; and the way to get away from it is by a return to the authentic experience of the body – and that means sexually empowering ourselves, and it means getting loaded, exploring the mind as a tool for personal and social transformation. The hour is late; the clock is ticking; we will be judged very harshly if we fumble the ball. We are the inheritors of millions and millions of years of successfully lived lives and successful adaptations to changing conditions in the natural world. Now the challenge passes to us, the living, that the yet-to-be-born may have a place to put their feet and a sky to walk under; and that’s what the psychedelic experience is about, is caring for, empowering, and building a future that honours the past, honors the planet and honors the power of the human imagination. There is nothing as powerful, as capable of transforming itself and the planet, as the human imagination. Let’s not sell it {short?} straight. Let’s not whore ourselves to nitwit ideologies. Let’s not give our control over to the least among us. Rather, you know, claim your place in the sun and go forward into the light. The tools are there; the path is known; you simply have to turn your back on a culture that has gone sterile and dead, and get with the programme of a living world and a re-empowerment of the imagination. Thank you very, very much." -Terence McKenna

dive into your feelings. if it means you must die psychologically, so be it. It's called rebiirth, transformation, incubation. One last plea before you take on yourself, completely alone, into the dark, what is it but a sensation encapsulation of the story you have written, let go oh wow I didn’t use the word surrender,

Seman retention is one of the best things you can do to increase energy and confidence, that's a fact. And is necessary for spiritual transformation, to transform your body into divine energy. @Chumbimba does going on long semen retention streaks negatively effect your sleep at all, like finding it hard to get to sleep from too Much energy or whatever.

Sadhguru said he knews nothing about meditation or metaphysics, he was a businessman and he sat on a hill one day he says he was not a meditator he become spontaneously enlightened Eckhart Tolle at the age of 29, after having suffered from long periods of depression says he experienced an "inner transformation". He said> I couldn’t live with myself any longer. And in this a question arose without an answer: who is the ‘I’ that cannot live with the self? What is the self? I felt drawn into a void! I didn’t know at the time that what really happened was the mind-made self, with its heaviness, its problems, that lives between the unsatisfying past and the fearful future, collapsed. It dissolved. The next morning I woke up and everything was so peaceful. The peace was there because there was no self. Just a sense of presence or "beingness," just observing and watching So if this is true meditation is not required to become enlightened. Neither are psychedelics (but try to even think of a few people who are regraded as enlightened and did it by psychedelics) However one can't rely on these spontaneous events to occur out of nowhere either. There is no standard or way of testing to see if someone is enlightened so being enlightened is a matter of claiming you're enlightened and other people thinking you are, if not, acting enlightened and people claiming you are enlightened So how can one become enlightened? Answer: Just say you are or act in a way that people will assume you are enlightened. And the mores you act this way and the more you will be regarded as enlightened. You could act differently in private but the more you do that the more chance you being exposed as hypocritical So to begin this process you study the behavior of other people regarded to be enlightened closely and imitate what they say and do but you don't imitate ant one person word for word, you take for here and there and mix it together and put your own touch to it You have to give up your attachments and bad habits so you do as much as possible. Once you do this for a while you adapt more and more to it and you speak to people on spiritual topics and how they can improve their lives. Then the good karma comes back and people help you and sometimes give you things. This is how you become enlightened. It's a lifestyle choice You make a choice "I am going to live the way a enlightened person lives and in doing so I am enlightened" and you don't look back that's how it's done. Sitting in meditation is good for settling the mind but alone it doesn't make you enlightened. You have to choose to be enlightened. But people can see what it is to live like this and they say they want to become enlightened but they actually fear living this way. So they sit and they sit for hours and years hoping that this fear will go away and something all of the sudden something will hit them and make them want to become enlightened with their full being. But that is not going to happen, You have to make the choice in your default state not during meditation. So if you stop wanting to become enlightened is that when it comes? No, it doesn't come from a burning desire to become enlightened or somehow come to you when you don't cling to the idea. It comes about by choosing to live this was and then doing it So you say that sounds easy. Why doesn't everybody do it? It is because once you do it people will question you, you may have been living quietly but now people question everything you say and try to make you into a fraud. You may have to be poor for a while or you may not But all that goes with it. It is part of the choice

Remorse is valid; not guilt I've been going off on tangents lately ranting about the harmful notion of guilt. It hasn't been that long ago that I would feel guilty over random thoughts that would float through my mind. How crazy is that. It's so unnecessary. A crazy or negative thought does not have to be identified with. It can simply be let go of. This is not me. Saying the inner No to thoughts randomly generated by our word mechanism as Oscar Ichazo put it. Guilt is promoted by the fundamentalists of religions to divide people against themselves which makes them more susceptible to manipulation and thus control. Im making a distinction here between guilt and remorse which I see and experience as valid. If one didn't experience remorse, that would classify one as a psychopath or a sociopath proper, but being stained with the idea of guilt is worse than useless. It's a curse upon man in which he is under its spell. This is not something that I dreamed up on my own but rather got through the new version of the ICHING- The Oracle Of The Cosmic Way. Just ponder this notion and sit with it in your life and discern for yourselves. This is so much more than a book. Carol Anthony and Hana Moog are so overlooked in this Genus work they have through both sincere effort and synchronicity, produced. I wish Terrence McKenna was around to comment on this work. He referred to the Old Tradional ICHING and getting a reading from it was like throwing a coin which had 64 sides to it to receive an answer. This is another example where the wisdom of the Divine Feminine is leading the way in this new 2000 year 'Galactic month' which began slowly in 1963. Oscar Ichazo- The Holy Idea which acts as a catalyzer for the transformation of this ego is Holy Love/ Divine Love. This can lead to the Virtue (energy) of Action. According to Ichazo, Divine Love is “The awareness that though the laws which govern reality are objective, they are not cold, because these cosmic laws inevitably lead to the creation of organic life, and Life itself, like all natural phenomena, fulfills a cosmic purpose. As soon as the mind’s word mechanism is destroyed, love, the natural condition of the mind, appears. Love begins the moment man contemplates the Creation and says, ‘Thank you, God.’ All men feel this somewhat, no animal can feel this at all. Man alone can know that all comes from God.” From The New ICHING - The Oracle of the Cosmic Way-

This is an NDE on the NDERF website Stephen T NDE Home Classification NDE 1308 Stephen T NDE 3359 Experience Description 1. Surfing incident 2. Caught in a trough under water in huge surf. 3. Panic knowing I am going to drown. 4. Realized I had to give up, could not hold breath any longer. 5. Sudden calmness and resignation; loss track of body. 6. Clear and graphic life review as if certain events were cataloged. 7. Visualized a large green blue circle with a feeling of depth but did not look like tunnel. 8. Suddenly found myself in a large hall with a stone bath being washed by humanoid aliens; very peaceful (this was certainly a subjective illusion). 9. Sudden transformation into a realm of timeless Absolute Beauty, Absolute Love and Absolute Infinity. The radiance was literally unbearable. 10. Absolute forgiveness, non-judgment, non-duality, timeless, no blame or retribution, no sin karma and no reincarnation. No God as there was no subject or object of attention I AM That. 11. Beyond science, religion, spirituality, new age phantasmagoria. This is the most real insight of my whole life and clearly remains with me after thirty years. In my hippy years experimented with drugs e.g. acid however nothing, but nothing, compares with this insight. Also came across a similar state during meditation. Somewhere in this process, I became conscious of the fact that I must return to the world and play out my allotted role. This really pissed me off. As I crawled up the beach, I really didn't want to be here and in many ways have just been waiting for this lot to finish. 12. Theoretical implications: a) Absolute Infinity is a fact; George Cantors set theory provides sound theoretical evidence of the mathematical context of infinity. (We do not create infinity it is literally thrust upon us and is therefore absolutely necessary.) Hugh Everett's many worlds interpretation of particle wave duality; Max Tegmark's theoretical application to infinite universes. See also John Barrow 'Pi in the Sky' and Rudy Rucker's 'Infinity and Mind'. Evolution is asymmetrical, that is the billion to one symmetry violation at the origins (matter/antimatter) of the universe supervenes through complexification and self-organization onto Darwinian selection as a bias for pleasure over pain. Evolution is not value neutral. Given infinite universes non-denumerable infinity tells us that every moment must exist infinitely for all possible sum over histories (Richard Feynman) for all possible universes. (Will be pushing for space here.) Given infinite universes and infinite sentient civilizations infinite civilizations will survive for vast time scales eventually resolving into Absolute Infinity and Absolute Love. This state of beingness is a permanent aspect of every part of existence. Science has become shackled to skepticism and the narrow constraints of a very primitive epoch in the scheme of biological and silicon based evolution. Ray Kurweil demonstrates the capacity of potentiation in his demonstration of cosmological, computational and exponential technological growth. We will eventually drop the distinction between artificial and carbon based intelligence for new cohesive constructs far beyond our current capacity to visualize. As cells in our bodies are not conscious of our bodies, our self-conscious minds are not cognizant of the Absolute because we are bound by cognitive duality. Consciousness is dualistic and narrative based whereas awareness is timeless and immediate. Yet for anything to exist, whether subjective or objective, they must inevitably be absolute necessary aspects of a perfect existence. One also has to take into account the profound paradox of time (quantum block time) relativistic twin paradox, matter antimatter time vector reversal etc. we really don't know much. The axis of existence proceeds from the Pervasive Ground (unified field) through Manifest Material Reality and onto Infinite Potentiality. Existence is an Infinite Web of context and though the local universe has some 10 to the 26 bits of information they overlap and furthermore are connected non-locally. Existence is not constructed of finite locatable things it is a nonlinear process of textural flow and integration. Lot more I could add however gives the gist of what I am on about. Hid in a corner all these years however when saw this site decided to have a stab at explaining my NDE. I have written extensively but not published. Who, after all is interested in radical and revisionary ideas. After all they forced Thomas Kuhn into a corner. Our current epoch is incommensurable with a civilization two hundred two thousand, two million or a billion years older. Plenty more where this came from. It's time to wake up and go beyond the magic and mythology of religion and the primitive egocentrism of science. Background Information: Gender: Male Date NDE Occurred: 1967 NDE Elements: At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident On a surfing trip - near drowning Life threatening event, but not clinical death Nearly drowned. Coughing and spluttering I somehow managed to get to shore and crawl out of the water having given up all hope as I was clearly convinced that I was drowning. I truly thought I was a finished. How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I lost awareness of my body How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As above. At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I literally died to my old self and was wrapped in Absolute Love and Absolute Forgiveness. I do not look through my eyes anymore what sees is beyond my poor confused self-conscious mind. The looking through is not mine it is boundless non-dual timeless and perfect. See ya later God. Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Timeless. It was shock to emerge from immediate awareness to consciousness. I most certainly did not die and here of course lie the rub. However it is relatively easy to demonstrate that every moment always exists for all probable and possible moments infinitely therefore whatever is flowing through this lot is not the surface structure we identify with. Kant phenomena, noumenon or more to the point Nagajuna's such-ness, nothingness and non-duality. Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Though there were intense and awe inspiring feelings something much deeper was operating and has remained to this day. No person can have ownership and no religion lay claim to Absolute Love. The body just didn't warrant attention. Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was not like hearing but somehow directly intuiting without the necessity for language. The narrative comes afterwards and by heavens one must be absolutely vigilant not to pollute the direct experience. Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain Saw a blue green circle but did not pass through a tunnel. Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes In the early stages I was bathed by some aliens beings. However, when I had the insight into Absolute Love everything with shape and form disappeared and had absolutely no relevance. The experience included: Void The experience included: Light Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Everything was light however it was not white, yellow, or black, it was pure radiance and for a timeless moment I was that radiance. Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm It is strange to look back and realize that the effects of the event continue to change my life and conception of existence on regular basis. When I write a book or article and finish it it is as if, even with all the research, I actually did nothing. It has taken to the middle years of my life to fully integrate the intellectual and experiential in a rigorous manner. Something unspoken operates beyond the self-conscious mind. Sounds whaky I know but I gotta another set of eyes. This is where the old narrative goes bottom up. Working in welfare sort of reflects a doing because it has to be done. Choiceless Freedom. so many damn dimensions and textures its downright spooky. The experience included: Strong emotional tone What emotions did you feel during the experience? Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy, Bliss, Bliss, Bliss, Bliss. Absolute Forgiveness, total equity and complete union. Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world The experience included: Special Knowledge Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe The experience included: Life review Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control I don't think I learned anything from the experience what did happen was that I realized what I was doing, and still am doing nothing, even though I have to continue on with the trials and tribulations of life like everyone else. Absolute Love takes no prisoners you either imbibe non-judgment, and absolute forgiveness with a still mind or carry on with the useless narrative of self-justification. It is not to be learned it is to be lived. Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future All events exist right here and now (quantum mechanics and time) however insight steps into the timeless occasion of immediate perfection while witnessing the temporal flow of relative material reality. One could not remain in awareness because self was, and is still, irrevocably tied to material reality. To a non-dualist there is no spirit or soul because insight is subject less, objectless beginning-less and endless. At death my relative absence will be my absolute presence Nisargadatta Maharaj. Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will God, Spiritual and Religion: What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal none Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No Religion just does not cut the mustard. Absolute Love can have no relationship with evil, devil, hell, purgatory, sin, karma, retribution, or any type of judgment blame and retribution. When they drop their absurd beliefs and magical mythical ranting then their ideologies will become redundant. By this stage, religions will be left with a whole lot of empty book covers. Absolute Love cannot be possessed or turned to any religious or political purpose. Either we love or we don't love easy peasy. Then we can party and just learn to love and care for each other on a truly equitable basis. What is your religion now? Liberal none Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No Religion just does not cut the mustard. Absolute Love can have no relationship with evil, devil, hell, purgatory, sin, karma, retribution, or any type of judgment blame and retribution. When they drop their absurd beliefs and magical mythical ranting then their ideologies will become redundant. By this stage, religions will be left with a whole lot of empty book covers. Absolute Love cannot be possessed or turned to any religious or political purpose. Either we love or we don't love easy peasy. Then we can party and just learn to love and care for each other on a truly equitable basis. The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion: During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes In fact this is the real bummer. When one steps outside of religion and yet admires science but sees beyond its limitations one's circle of friends becomes decidedly small. Universities philosophy and psychology departments are definitely not welcoming. Non-dual insight becomes a socially isolating. Recently tied to converse with atheists. Boy what a bunch of fundamentalists they have turned out to be. If you blow your own bags you are arrogant and misinformed if you shut up you're an introvert. Judgment, judgment everywhere judgment. Something is certainly doing I do not know what. Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes After such a profound insight one wants to be a do-gooder and save the world however reality soon kicks in. It took a certain amount of time to realize that it is how I act in the world and what I do that assists in making the world a better place not how I attempt to change others based upon some conceptual prejudice. Reality certainly is not fair so we just have to learn to live with it and let evolution take its requisite path. After the NDE: Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I have spent my life working as a counselor and program manager. Studied many religious, philosophical and science based thinkers. Only two areas come to mind. The non-dualist Advaita Vedantist teacher Nisragdatta Maharaj (who rejected all religious dogma) and the approach taken by Alan Watts in his book 'The Way of Zen'. I completely reject hell, purgatory, sin, evil, damnation, judgment, blame, retribution, karma and reincarnation. Essentially the dualistic contradictory notion of God is to be voided. Absolute Infinity and Absolute Love are completely non-dual and non-judgmental. There was also a Polish Jew on a television program about NDE's who experienced Absolute Love unreservedly forgiving Nazi perpetrators. I just cried at the recognition of this wonderful man who intuited Absolute Love. I have also written extensively on Insight and Infinity however have not bothered to publish. Paradoxically, one soon learns that dogma free Absolute Forgiveness and Absolute Love either scares the hell out of many dogma bound individuals or becomes victim to scientific skepticism, scientific determinism and logical empiricism. So one soon learns to keep one's mouth shut. In my work as a counselor, I regularly use my understanding when I feel it is appropriate to assist in relieving a client's sense of hopelessness and despair. A substantial number of my clients either consider suicide or have made various attempts. We desperately need a contemporary meta-theory that is neither beholding to religion or science however it must fit within the purview of current scientific understanding. I am yet to find a satisfactory outlet for these ideas. Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No My ability to network ideas seemed to take off. Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Nothing in my life has had the significance of the NDE and some meditation experiences that happened later. No doubt, no fear of death and a total comprehension of non-judgment. No one creates their realities life is conditioned by hereditary and socialized contingencies and if you are born in the first world then your lottery tickets certainly came up. The relative world demands a certain amount of legal accountability and responsibility and we need suitable constraints. However, the deep ocean of the Absolute is absolutely forgiving and absolutely non-judgmental. Remove judgment and reduce inner turmoil resulting in peace and equanimity. Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Be very, very careful the world is full of skeptics. Luckily my partner also had a NDE and out of the body experience so we at least have each other. Very useful when dealing with those clients who feel hopelessness and despair. I have worked with youth, drug addicts, families, mental health clients, domestic violence victims, service veterans and have found a deep need for a revisionary understanding of our place in existence beyond the magical and mythological assertions of religions and the self-imposed nihilism of scientific empiricism. Though I have not published this is the area I would most certainly like to move into. Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I was a pretty spacey kid living in a fantasy world and always intuited the vastness of things. So I was very curious from an early age. Had some vague knowledge of NDE but nothing concrete. What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real There are no illusions or delusion in reality for if there were contingent things then they could not necessarily occur. Nothing has changed. We continually confuse description with explanation however as Kurt Godel and recently Gregory Chaitin have demonstrated incompleteness is implicit within reality. We require an infinite hierarchy of descriptive and explanatory belts to explain reality and this is impossible. Insight looks back and witnesses without the duality of mental narrative. All things are accessible but not through language or symbolic representation. As there is only the emptiness and fullness of the Absolute we are all of Absolute Infinity and Absolute Love. In insight there are no degrees of separation and therefore no soul no spirit, no God, no heaven, no Hell for we are all THAT. What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It makes me laugh that people have the gall to label events objectively real or subjectively illusory when to happen they must be real within their own context. It is not the veracity of the occurrence rather it is how that event is interpreted. If there is an infinite network of interpretations then, just maybe, watching and witnessing will generate a non-verbal understanding of our place in existence free from the labels real or illusory. Don't tell me the Absolute is not real because nothing can exist if it is not Absolutely Necessary. Everything subjective and objective is therefore necessary and given vast time scales and potentialities the texture of the web of context is indeed infinite thus we have Absolute Infinity. A word of caution. The classical argument against infinity is that it is a subjective human construct. Well here we go Mr. smarty pants philosopher infinity is thrust upon us through associational contexts between mind and word yet it is somehow an artifact of human reason. Get over it. Max Tegmark (Scientific American) does a brilliant job of refuting this erroneous argument. At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Other than drug free meditation and arts based experience nothing has come near to my NDE. I did have a meditation experience, which was similarly profound and even more enduring. The beauty of this event is that it was not induced by NDE or any form of drug stimulus. Tried Acid, marijuana and eckies in my hippy days however they are just very poor substitutes. In some ways having worked in drug and alcohol I can see what people are looking for unfortunately it isn't going to happen.

Great perspective, had a similar contemplation today starting a new job which is just a side hustle for the moment, so not a life purpose thing. I always have to think about Gurdjeff, and how he also found labor to be excellent for transformation. It's like relationships, a test on the battlefield

What is my aim? In the Fourth Way Teaching, my aim is to make it to man #6 before my Automaton konks out. Ive stated before in this Journal that in all honesty, I'm not good relationship material. I'm not looking for a wife, girlfriend or a sex partner. As I go about working on myself, this journal helps me to integrate. I enjoy interacting with kindred spirits and sometimes others of a completely different character or nature. I enjoy the friendship of both men and women. Sometimes I like to flirt a liltte bit. But not always, so I admit that up front. If I misstep I can take an ass chewing. I've survived my share of them,,, ? If I wake up in the middle of the night and half asleep respond beligerently to a post on the forum then I accept that I should be called out on it. I enjoy what could be called engaging in imaginative conjecture. Throwing out half baked ideas or far out theories. Influenced by the Keyserling School of Wisdom, I will never think of myself or take the role of a Spiritual Teacher. I have thought of offering a retreat for 'Spiritual Seekers' . In all honesty, due to the need for some supplemental income. It would be very informal and flexible. Maybe offering the use of my spacious loft, and share my refrigerator space. In a country setting with plenty of space. I would simply be a spiritual friend and sounding board. Just a few days, probably a week at the most, I might schedule others who were looking for a spiritual retreat or just a vacation In this specific niche. In no way do I intend to ever target any audience here on this forum as a customer resource. This is all still just half baked in my mind.Not even sure I want to go through with it. The following is from Chance and Choice. It is my inspiration from which I would simply be a 'spiritual friend.' A friend who will charge ??$$/per day ? In the Aquarian Age of Body Thinking, with technology, everyone has to find his personal way, starting from the dark towards the light. The age of Empires is dying and being replaced by global consciousness, a one world network of friends - Spaceship Earth. Today the individual is paramount and the differences between people are accepted and affirmed. The myth of Satan versus almighty God is exploded. The individual now finds and creates their own way. Evil can now be recognized as the personal shadow which has to be integrated with the help of psychology. Beyond good and evil, a person can be grounded in the infinite, Zero, in God. Today we find God by tuning into the basic time cycles, and discovering our basic mental gestalt, our meaning and purpose in life. In the Zero dimension the individual can find their roots in CHI, in the capacity of Self Organization. They can travel full circle from a limited ego, little "I", disassociated with the Self, onto the Zero - the Self - where the false ego is shattered. Then the way goes back from out of the Self into the true Ego, the big "I". The big "I" is in contact with the Self and includes the "I" of all others in the Universe. With the holistic Ego fully present in the fourth dimension, a person finds fulfillment by development of their unique potential, their personal path. In the Aquarian Age this path involves creative fulfillment by some type of personal service or work of some kind - work for the earth and all of nature, including human-kind. Instead of mastery and loyalty common to the last age, work and friendship are the common denominators of this age. The friendship of equals replaces the parental or schoolmaster discipline of the last age. This emphasis on friendship has already begun to transform all of society. The trend will continue as the archaic institutions of the past decay and are replaced by dynamic new structures in tune with the times. The transformation has begun on all levels, including the spiritual disciplines. For example, the School of Wisdom is a gathering of friends based on individual understanding, tolerance and merit. Followers are discouraged and adherence to specific dogmas and authoritarian lineage is anathema. The transformation has already had strong effects on the family where friendship is the new basis of both husband-wife and parent-child relationships. It is effecting business where the boss-employee relationship is becoming friendlier and less polarized-hierarchial. It is effecting world governments where the enemy us-them mentality is dying in favor of global cooperation. The holistic view of friendship on all levels has arrived - between all of humanity with each other, and between humans and all other forms of life on this planet. In the Aquarian Age ecological awareness re-emerges in importance on a global level. We are not masters of nature, we are her friends. This even applies to our technology, as our machines and computers become ever more user-friendly. The Piscean Age of industrialism and empire - which was at the end severely polluted and unfriendly to the Earth - is dead or is dying. So we should not be concerned with trying to destroy the old age, the old ways. That is inevitable. It naturally follows the Progression of the Equinoxes. Instead, we should be concerned with building solid structures to replace the old. Our new structures will last if they are based on environmental awareness and are friendly to the Earth and all forms of being and consciousness. The new historical era started on February 4, 1962 with a solar eclipse over New Guinea. At that time all of the planets, except for the trans-Saturanian ones, were located at 15 degrees Aquarius. There is no need for an apocalypse, and no need to wait for a future age of coming good. The New Age is already here, the potential is at hand. All that is needed is understanding and work to fulfill the new potentials. from: http://www.chanceandchoice.com/course-overview/time-cycles/

Being at 1000 feels so good, and the feeling of not being the body is even stronger than in the 600s, some people stop caring about spiritual growth at that level, they let their inner distortions remain because everything feels perfect anyway, they just live their life and enjoy, and because they are so fearless they don't mind if the body gets fat and unhealthy Some yogis say that 1000 (kundalini awakes and rises to the crown) is just the beginning stage, the next step, complete kundalini transformation, takes years and it's not for everyone.

Can relate. My biggest mistake was learning too much theory, books, videos, courses etc, and not enough action. I estimate that my ratio theory/action was 20:1 and this caused a lot of problems, anxiety, confusion, i was ungrounded as fuck because of all the dissonance cognitive. Consider that deep identity-level change is uncomfortable, sometimes it is almost maddening, especially with all the consciousness work we usually do here. Literally, as you do the work, the reality is changing and this is frightening to the ego. With time, i learned to ground myself and to be ok with all the chaos around me, which is a great skill for transformation.