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Please tone down the spiritual showboating ..these are extremely nuanced matters we are discussing . No such thing as "I already died ". Ego death is one thing and physical death is another thing . You did not die physically before (im not talking about reincarnation. Im talking as this particular human James123). Therefore you have no idea what it's like . How do you know death is painful like putting your hand on fire ? Some people take a whole bottle of sleeping pills and go to bed and never wake up again (easy painless suicide).

I remember when i was like 3-6 years old i would have the same dream for like 10 times, me standing on top of a roof of an apartment and then jumping down. While falling down i would always get this cold feeling, and then when i was very close to the ground i got a black screen and wake up. So what i think actually happends, is that when you suicide and say what you actually want (like redoing a life) this will occur and the dream will restart depending on your will. In most cases because you weren't god realized and only know about human life, you will get back as a human. So it's pretty much pointless, because we're in low vibration we should strive to achieve higher consciousness that will make us suffer less. But at the end there is no escape of suffering because you're always conscious for eternity. Some consciousness states will give you all but at the end you will get used to it and when there are no new things and you have everything, you still have to deal with yourself because you're always conscious. Suffering and path of human suffering is usually designed by your higher self so you can eventually experience higher states that provide abundance this will mitigate suffering for some time and this is why your life is like this.

This sounds like a delusion to be honest. Your creating a bogeyman out of government. Suicide among men is more correlated to macroeconomics than direct policy. It's largely a money issue in my opinion. Men are also worse at giving and recieving emotional support.

Actually you raise a good point, probably to stop others from getting ideas. What I find more interesting however, is the government officials that make the systems that cause the suicides. The thing is, it happens. These are facts that are being spoken with minimal judgement. If I see a tree I say, "there is a tree." Or if I see a car I say, "there is a car." Or perhaps I see my dog and I say "there is my dog." These are statements that reflect reality. by this, what I mean is: what is being said, happens. What I also see is governmental systems that cause tens of thousands of males to commit suicide and they just brush it under the rug. And the ones who don't kill themselves either speak out or act out (some more subtly than others). And the ones that speak out or act out...the government points to these reactions as evidence that they they were correct, even though the only reason these people are behaving badly is because the government crippled them. See, if you just cripple peoples lives it's much easier to make them quiet and thereby maintain an illusion that everything's calm and beautiful, unless they interact with a particularly strong individual. If they commit suicide they are no longer a voice to be heard, and they point to the "speaking out" of the ones who don't commit suicide and say, "look! This individual is a dangerous person, this confirms it!" (In spite of the fact that they were the ones who caused the speaking out in the first place) which enables them to continue to be heavier and heavier and heavier. Until of course the system breaks after a couple hundred thousand suicides. It's like a suicide feedback loop that confirms it's own bias by crippling people then pointing to their bad behaviour thereafter and using it as evidence that the initial crippling was justified. what really gets me is that, statistically, there are children who are males who exist right now for whom it on only a matter of time before they grow up end up being victims to this. And within further statistics, some of them will be crippled so badly that, not only will they not be able to speak out, they won't be able to speak about it to anyone and some will simply commit suicide.

Did some research, according to data, of all the people who enter an extremely negative situation in life in the UK and USA combined, lots commit suicide and it's not even reported. Of all of them, over the last 20 years, if 1% commit suicide that's 18,000, if 0.5% commit suicide that's 9,000 and if 0.1% commit suicide that's 1,800. From 2005. What's strange is, it doesn't get much media attention and that's a conservative estimation. There are different procedures in other countries. Namely, what is reported on

Diary: Medical School Journal. Chapter: Life in Experiential Recursion. Date: November 29th entry. Type: Brief Reflection. Entry number: #4. o————————O————————o This week I’ve felt cornered and out of touch in continuing my recovery, so I am taking a moment to re-centre and RR-calibrate over the weekend to better engineer for the week to come as opposed to focusing on much else despite ground made. Lamotrigine as an anti epileptic has been a life-saver compared to alternatives that nearly completely ruined my mind and any causal tie I had to existential reality. However the mountain still exists, it hasn’t magically immaterialised and so the road to my more or less full recovery (will still need to take lamotrigine for the years to come) and then some still needs to be walked, even intensely ran during stages. I’ve had a lot on my mind over the past week, great insights and tangential connections, though with one hand on the rail still being somewhat required I’m taking this weekend to just silently reflect. That comes especially after having shed a few unexpected tears following my listening to a live performance of *Linkin Park - Numb* (search YT quoted: “Numb (Live) - Linkin Park) by Emily Armstrong whom replaced lead singer Chester Bennington after his passing in 2017 due to suicide. I’d never heard her sing before, and growing up Linkin Park was my favourite band, so in the beginning I was like “Oh she’s not going to be able to… Oh she’s not truly hitting it…” but then towards the end out of no where I just felt the heart of the entire space, and that’s when the tears came. Chester’s been on my mind all week as well, and I just want to say, for anyone struggling with depression or just any mental struggle of any kind, you can fight through it. You can make the vision of your life at peace with the natural universe at your own will. Chester, experienced incredible life breakthroughs, and yet even Chester was still overcome with depression that eventually signed the last note for him without him leaving anything behind other than his legacy. His passing must be looked at objectively however in the context of the tragedy that took him. Post-2017 following Chester’s passing in July of that year there’s been just so many more new insights on depression that were not as fully integrated into our culture yet concerning rehabilitating the human condition from those states of consciousness. Exercise has proven to be a phenomenal remedy to depression alone outside of far more effective pharmaceuticals. Psychedelics as well with extremely disciplined use not for spiritual wandering, have also opened up new windows we’ve never peered through. Some may be like me where becsuse of my epilepsy for example psychedelics are too risky, in which case cognitive behavioural therapy combined with the first two as being the first strategic battleground established for your movement forward is also newly realised in only the last few years where in the past the intelligence on such conditions was severely lacking leaving any feeling hopeless around conditions like depression or those that overlap which is anything where anyone feels that sense of hopelessness. There is zero evidence that leaves one to suggest that Chester was an exercise junky for example, in fact quite the opposite. His performances actually reveal tremendous insight into his struggle that I don’t imagine has been truly examined. Chester had an extremely sensitive yet explosive personality that allowed him to channel his energy into his core focuses. In the context of a world culture had not made clear sense of and the growing disconnect following the early 2000’s that Linkin Park connected with their base on, the distance between the experiences of his lived performances, which were incredibly demanding because of the heights he could reach, and his regular life nested amidst what can now be seen as the beginning departure of what could have been genuine individualism into something that better reflects digital sheep’s of the modern era these days, his inner life would have found it extremely difficult to integrate all of his difficulties combined with not only our lack of understanding on the condition but the cultural disconnect that also still existed concerning those with genuine struggles with mental challenges like these. In learning from Chester’s context then, I cannot stress enough the importance of people grounding their life difficulties not only on a personal existential level but also how the intelligence of your energy is spread in other areas. Taking responsibility for the use of your energy becomes its own weapon we can become its own sense of self-esteem for you. Moreover, your challenges must be seen through both our cultural limitations regarding the present inability to see you who you are through what best caters for your personal recovery but also through the progress that we have genuinely made in the related area as well to keep you open minded regarding potential interventions you can experiment with. This dual approach, combined with reorienting and re-matching the personal with the existential, fed through organising your time around the most intelligent use of your energy, flips hopelessness to conservative hope that only continually positively reinforces a slow and steady path towards restoring the you in who you are, regardless as to the body and mind we’re given to express that, and with that, your own unique sense of connection with the universe. A reconnection formed from a challenge thats grounded in what we can do culturally and who we can be in that path, while reconnecting with what can be done on a personal level that unites the paths overtime, consolidating a lost sense of agency which continual evidence to the contrary that now makes you feel more like the creator you are in your own way. Your life matters. You impact all of us in your own way. That is forever your power. As much as there is power in social unity, that social unity is only as strong as it teaches the individual to find unity within, this is a necessary separation with the collective that instructs external unity via shared individual sovereignty. Thus may we all find out path. And may wisdom be our teacher along that path. An individual must learn to understand their unique biological profile in the context of the environment in which it lives, to turn conformist living to adaptive individual thriving that brings the same harmony through their own unique symmetry with the environment. They must understand how their energy differs from others. What positive vs negative impact they can have with their energy on one person vs another. How their purpose is defined by who they are and what their environment genuinely needs more than who they have been told they are and what they have told to be or what they believe they must look up to. Following, everything shifts back and fourth between the balance of the life one has constructed through these forces and the impact this has on the environment around them, continually learning through the evolution. Depression often flips this narrative, and in Chester’s position he would have felt so incredibly alienated in spite of his supporting surroundings, the pull of the standards that he had reached combined with now the expectations of others, and the pull of his inner struggle that was there before his band even began together, paradoxically turned his acclaim into an irreconcilable stretch between the two poles. This eventually broke him. An individual must become the reaction upon their environment to truly live through the fire of their essence rather than having their natural fire turned against them. Nelson Mandela possessed a powerful, empathic, sensitive and disciplined personality, it was his discipline in navigating between the individual within and unifying it as a channeled social narrative outside that not only united him but brought strength and fuel to both causes. At first, bringing energy back to oneself from the core within will sometimes be more challenging than the struggles like that someone with depression can have, overcoming this threshold however is where the future stares back and the path becomes a clear path forward that instead of just being an upward climb on a mountain, refuels you properly through each life cycle. Which is precisely what life does and how life is meant to behave, intelligently meeting cycles with cycles to finish with the elegance of the symmetry of nature we are still to make sense of today, aligning with its laws as best as we can then, is the definition of our future harmony through the inner/outer integration from those initial required breakthrough periods. “Each one, teach one. May each, become my own lesson I must learn, study, revise. And… Be taught by.” Chester, one of my idols growing up. R.I.P Chester.

https://www.politico.com/news/2025/10/14/private-chat-among-young-gop-club-members-00592146?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR6z5ke5GEyhK8QNtNCqy2RvK2Ca7iY0ehk5VcQm4L1x5Ep3lKUtAQlG-aOGlQ_aem_S-iEcpxGPkXYD3pubgQ3gA Exclusive ‘I love Hitler’: Leaked messages expose Young Republicans’ racist chat NEW YORK — Leaders of Young Republican groups throughout the country worried what would happen if their Telegram chat ever got leaked, but they kept typing anyway. They referred to Black people as monkeys and “the watermelon people” and mused about putting their political opponents in gas chambers. They talked about raping their enemies and driving them to suicide and lauded Republicans who they believed support slavery. William Hendrix, the Kansas Young Republicans’ vice chair, used the words “n--ga” and “n--guh,” variations of a racial slur, more than a dozen times in the chat. Bobby Walker, the vice chair of the New York State Young Republicans at the time, referred to rape as “epic.” Peter Giunta, who at the time was chair of the same organization, wrote in a message sent in June that “everyone that votes no is going to the gas chamber.”

I'm copying a lot of this text from my personal trip reports, which is why it's framed as me talking to myself. Yesterday I was feeling really awful, in a lot of pain, and I was really suicidal. I made the decision that I’ve had enough. I can’t live this life anymore. This has gone too far and gotten absolutely ridiculous. I cannot keep putting myself through this hell of a life. It’s cruel, it’s awful, it doesn’t end - I’m done. I’m going to give up on this life, and do whatever I can to make myself kill myself. If the universe wants me to stay alive and do something with my life, then it can make that happen. It’s had plenty of opportunities to do that, but it still won’t. So I am going to kill myself, get rid of this life, and if the universe doesn’t stop me and change something about my life, then it’s not my fault. I’ve done everything I can. I decided to take MDMA. I usually only use it with other psychedelics for healing purposes, and I wouldn't let myself use it for any other reason because it can be addictive, but I didn't care at this point, I was planning on killing myself later that day, so I took it just for my own enjoyment. Noticing my fear of killing myself I plugged the MDMA, it came on gradually and reached its peak after about an hour. During this time I felt SO good. I was journalling on my laptop, listening to music, and I felt amazing. It made me think again that it’s so stupid that I have to live this life and suffer so much for so long, when I could just be in a state like this, feel so good and not be in any pain. I started to think about what I was going to do after this trip. I knew this good feeling wouldn’t last and eventually I was going to go back to being in a lot of pain, and I needed to kill myself. I was really afraid to do that though. I really wanted to kill myself, but the thought of actually doing it is so scary. I don’t know if leaving this life is the right decision, I don’t know how I’ll feel after I die and where I will go, I was so afraid of it all. Eventually I realized that all of this fear I have only hurts me. I really don’t need to be so afraid, not just of killing myself but of life in general. I could see that this fear is an illusion and it’s something I could let go of. You need to have the courage to lose your life. I am so afraid of suicide, of dying, of losing control, moving into the unknown, etc. You need to see that there is really nothing to fear, you will be okay. Giving up my control I realized that I needed to get to the edge of suicide and seriously consider killing myself, right then and there, to really confront my fear of death. I saw that if I had the courage to let go and let myself die, that the universe would take control. If I totally surrender and give up all control of my life, the universe/my higher self will be able to come through me and live my life for me, and Tristan won’t be here anymore to suffer from this life, so I won’t have to physically kill myself to get the relief that I want. See that you can totally give up control to the universe, totally surrender, totally let go, and you no longer need to think about what you need to do to heal and move forwards in your life. That’s not your problem anymore. By totally giving up control over my life, you let the universe come through you and take over. This is exactly what I want, because I am absolutely exhausted from trying to make things work in my life. Just give up and relax. Your only objective at this point is to fully let go of control, and do whatever feels good to you. The thought of healing, moving forwards with my life, starting to work and make money, all of these problems in my life, they don’t matter to me anymore. Forget about all of them. If you get into a position where your back is against the wall and you are forced to do something you don’t like (such as running out of money and being forced to work when I don’t want to) then you kill yourself, no questions asked. You’ve been through enough pain in your life, you’ve suffered enough, it’s not your responsibility to try to make things work anymore. You need to trust that if you fully let go, the universe will take care of you. I’ve been so deeply suicidal for so long, and tried so hard to kill myself, yet I am still here. I am not going to get into a situation where I actually end up killing myself, even if I totally give up control and don’t care about doing anything to make my life any better. What I need to do moving forwards At this point, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, because it is no longer your responsibility to move your life forwards and make things work for yourself. Do whatever makes you feel good and whatever you feel like doing at all times. If you get into a situation where your back is against the wall, then you can kill yourself. Don’t force yourself to keep going through pain and living this life if you don’t want to. If the universe wants things to work out for you, then it will make that happen. Stop worrying about the problems in your life, stop trying to make things work for yourself, because that is not my problem anymore, and it only causes me more suffering to keep stressing about my problems and trying to figure them out. Give up on your life as if you were going to kill yourself, focus on making yourself feel good, and let that help you surrender control more and more, until Tristan is gone and the universe/my higher self has fully taken over me. There is nothing else you have to do. How it feels surrendering to my higher self As I surrender more, the universe will be able to enter my being more. I noticed that as my higher self starts to enter me, it cannot co-exist in my being with all of the emotional issues I have. I can feel a lot of emotional pain coming to the surface to be released as my higher self enters me. I’m sure as I surrender more and more, this will give me the opportunity to heal, and maybe this was the way I was always meant to heal, and this is why healing has never worked for me in the past. I can feel that once all of my emotional pain gets released, I will naturally start to feel like working and moving forwards with my life, but I won’t be forcing myself to do that, and Tristan won’t be the one doing it at all. I can feel that as my higher self really starts to take control, and Tristan falls away, my entire life will be directed by it. Tristan won’t be the one teaching about emotional healing and helping people. The universe will be living through me, helping people directly, and Tristan will be gone. When I surrender and allow my higher self to take control, I can feel myself entering an altered state of consciousness. Life doesn’t feel like a physical reality anymore, it feels like I am walking around in a dream, in an imagination, a mind. I also feel like I am more intelligent and insightful than I was before. Insight comes to me much more easily. I can feel myself being pushed to stop thinking so much and start to feel a lot more. Feeling is how I access my higher self and get direction from it. I can feel a lot of my neurosis and dysfunctional behaviours falling away. My higher self is not weak or afraid, it will not let people push it around, and I can feel a lot of my neurosis being corrected just as a result of my higher self entering me. I really feel like my healing will come from establishing my connection to my higher self, and as I surrender to it, I will receive the love I need to help me heal. . . . My objective now after that trip is to keep working on getting to a point where I can fully surrender and let my higher self take over. I have a lot of fear and resistance within me that prevents me from surrendering, so it will take work to get to the point where I can fully let go. This morning, I went to take a shower, and I was thinking about everything that happened yesterday, thinking about how crazy it is that my higher self is starting to take over me, along with how connected I've felt to existential love lately, such as the episodes of craziness I've had recently after touching existential love. Thinking about all of this together made me really see how obvious that I am awakening and moving towards existential love. As I was thinking about this, I starting crying, and I started acting crazy again and getting into an altered state of consciousness. It was deeper than usual. It felt similar to a state I would get into on a psychedelic, even though I was fully sober. It was a lot more clear, stable and lucid than psychedelics, and it didn't have the blurry headspace they often have. I felt dis-identified with myself, and everything felt so beautiful and amazing. I kept crying and acting crazy, and later I played music and it was absolutely mesmerizing. I was was also looking at pictures of beautiful girls, and was in absolute awe of their beauty - it was just radiating off of them. After I got out of the shower, I plugged 5-MeO-DMT. I was already planning to do it earlier that day. It was a low dose as usual, but I got into quite a high consciousness state from it. My intention was to surrender as much as possible, because that's what I need to be working on, and I left human life quite a lot by doing that. Here's what I got from the trip: You keep thinking that when you take 5-MeO-DMT and awaken, that this is just some state you get into, but your normal human life is what’s real. That’s not the case at all. The awakened state is what’s real, and you’re fooling yourself if you think that it’s not. You think that you can take 5-MeO-DMT and awaken to God, Leo can do that, other people on this forum can do that, and that is just some state you get into, and then you come back to this normal human life and that is what’s real. You’re fooling yourself. There is nobody else to awaken to God but you. This is your dream, you are only imagining that other people exist. Because of this you need to stop giving other people so much authority. You’re giving away your power to an illusion. The only thing that matters is that I awaken and realize the truth of what I am. You think that Leo has this life purpose where he teaches people how to awaken on YouTube, and he has this forum where you can go and talk to other people about awakening, and get advice, but all of this is a massive bullshit story you are creating. There is no Leo, there is no “Leo’s life’s life purpose”, there is no forum, there is no other people to talk to about awakening. All of this is something you’re creating yourself to lead you to awakening. It’s all me. See how foolish it is to give all of it so much authority, when it’s not real, and I’m the one creating it. It’s fine if you want to go back to the forum and live your human life like normal, but you need to stop giving Leo/the forum/people on the forum so much authority. You’re being an idiot by doing this. My relationship with God/the universe/my higher self is the only thing that matters, it’s the only thing that is real, so I need to follow that and obey that no matter what anyone else says. Otherwise, you are giving your power away to an illusion, and you won’t awaken by doing that. (This really helps me to trust what I experienced on MDMA yesterday, that totally surrendering myself and letting my higher self take over is absolutely the right thing to do) I started to surrender deeper, and I could feel myself connecting deeper with this higher consciousness state. I started to cry really hard, and I realized that God is what I have always wanted. Like Leo said: “when you want x, what you really want is God”. However you will only experience God once you completely, 100% surrender, which is something I am still working towards. . . . I'm currently doing better and not feeling suicidal. What I experienced yesterday with MDMA really made me feel a lot better. It's clear that I am headed to some sort of awakening, that my human self is going to fall away and my higher self will take over. I have developed such a deep hatred towards human life because of how much pain I've gone through, and I want to leave this life so badly, but it seems like if I just surrender myself and let go, my higher self will take over, and Tristan won't have to be here living this life anymore. It's also nice to know that it's no longer my responsibility to solve my problems or direct my life in any way. I am so exhausted from doing that, because I try so hard to change my life and it never works, and it causes so much frustration and suffering. Knowing that I don't have to do anything anymore, that I can just let go and let my human self die without physically killing myself, this is a huge relief. This both gives me a reason to stay alive, and it shows me that I will likely undergo a huge transformation over the next few months, and it will result in my higher self living through me, living my life, and Tristan will no longer be here. I'm sure that's what all of this pain I've been going through for years has been leading me to. I'm sharing this post only because all of this makes me really happy, and I love sharing it with other people who are into spiritual work

@TheCloud I was just now doing some version of that again. Do you have a professional helping you do that? I was doing it alone again. Anyway, my findings were that I have a fixer who believes I am fundamentally broken and without the possibility of recovery I must be destroyed. I am trying to resolve my lack of self love through self destruction and ultimately suicide. I am basically trying to save myself through jumping off of a bridge while using self attacks disguised as love and care. There is a lot to it, but that is a bit of it. I feel calmer now.

I AM GOD! I AM CREATING EVERYTHING! ABSOLUTELY TOTAL! ABSOLUTELY SOVEREIGN! ABSOLUTE INSANITY! God is loving this reality. God doesn't care whether the human dies or not. However, suicide is a deception. God wants to experience and it designed the human experience. I'm hallucinating this human experience! I was able to awaken myself and go back to being human instantly. I tested that multiple times while tripping. Leo! I created you to remind me that I can wake up. God is a genius bastard. So much happened during the trip that I'm unable to write as of now! It was infinitely insane! I ate a cannabis gummy three hours after I consumed 150 mg N,N-DPT orally. It contained 5 mg THC, 5 mg CBD, and 5 mg CBG. My insane trip began 20-30 minutes after cannabis consumption. The peak lasted for two hours. But I'm still tripping. Almost all of my psychedelic experiences, although I've done very little before, are a joke compared to what I've experienced now. Ideas of psychedelic experiences are also a joke after you have an experience. Ideas of it will probably become an obstacle eventually without serious experience. Meditation will never, at least to me, be able to reveal something like that. My whole being wants to align with that experience. I feel a strong desire to emulate it.

TRIGGER WARNING DEATH AND SUICIDE !!! I’ve been watching gore since a teenager I’ve always been fascinated with death. From murders to suicide I don’t understand what’s so interesting about it. I guess it’s because I know it’s inevitable and one day will happen, Suicide has got to be my favorite of just being alive and boom pure nothingness etc. I know it’s not healthy but I love watching suicide videos I’ve thought about filming my death one day so I can be shared on the internet as a meme etc.

It’s not ‘the one’, it’s ‘oneness’. I understand what you are referencing here and I’ve experienced it both with and without another person. The state itself is certainly, energetically orgasmic but it is not god itself. it’s a likeness of a god state. Mystical unity is an experience of consciousness, and consciousness does not suddenly depend on genital dimorphism to reach non-duality. If that were true, intersex people, queer people, trans people, celibates, mystics, and entire traditions of monks would be metaphysically barred from God. This clearly isn’t the case. Sex can express unity — it is not the source of unity. People contain both masculine and feminine potentials within their own psyche.Jung, Tantra, Taoism, Hermeticism, and even the Platonic tradition all make this explicit.No external partner is required to complete an internal polarity. After years of deliberately avoiding anything to do with sex because I was born with a DSD, I went from hating anything to do with it to unconsciously exploring it out of desire. On the run up to my awakening, I was celibate for several years and certainly very peaceful and had a God realisation during that time. on the return journey I realised I’d made the mistake most Buddhists make by completely dismissing reality as an illusion and bypassing the experience of everything I had deconstructed to get a glimpse of the source. After reintegrating and understanding the facets of reality and that it is there literally for the infinite exploration of conscious experience, I understood ‘meaning and purpose’ in a reality with no inherent meaning or purpose. My choice to explore and be and that path for each person is personal. What is sacred to me is not to someone else. God doesn’t need to explore the same thing through every being. men going their own way and feminism in its own right is not deluded, but extremes of them are, due to extreme polarity bias separating from its opposite instead of realising it exists in contrast ( the whole). From personal experience, when I stopped projecting need for attention and intimacy onto my wife and instead turned the energetic flow of ‘love’ back into myself, it became a healing self love that completed and fulfilled me without the need of another. My wife did not need to do or be anything for me to love her because I was already in that state. It opened my heart and overflowed meaning there was love there for whoever came into my space. There’s a difference in love as projection and love as being. When I realised that state, my wife became more attracted to me. She felt safe and actually loved because she wasn’t being ‘needed’ or expected of. That made me, my personality and mood more stable and confident which was perceived as a strength to her. It also fully awakened my sexuality which in contrast before was completely shut down. It gave me an animation and vitality I’d never had before. However it is a very volatile energy that can not only create but destroy and too many gurus fall into manipulation to satisfy themselves. I am now a very sexual, sensual and intimate person ( that energy is there with or without others, male, female, anything in between, doesn’t matter) but it takes remaining conscious of internal psychological mechanism to not fall back into projection. The one thing that doesn’t happen is that even if I have moments of very strong urge, desire or desperation to experience intimacy with someone, my conscience won’t allow me to carry out any act of manipulation for my own satisfaction purely because I would never want to experience a unity with someone that didn’t genuinely want to connect at a deeper level with me. To me it is sacred, to me it’s god loving itself but that doesn’t mean it is to someone else. sex can mean very different things to different people. Many people do not obsess over sex. Trauma, conditioning, developmental stage, culture, and personal lived experience all drastically shift the role sex plays in someone’s psyche. It might be god to someone and absolute hell leading to suicide for someone else… Sex and intimacy can be sacred but only when approached consciously.They are not intrinsically sacred by default. People can experience unity through, meditation, contemplation, breath, stillness, creativity, service, psychedelic states, mystical encounters, emotional intimacy or through sex. Sex is one path among many.Beautiful, powerful, transformative — yes. Ontologically necessary — no.The danger is when something deeply meaningful to one person is assumed to be a cosmic law for everyone else.

If you guys wanna put it like that then obviously you won't die without it . Although I just read recently on the news a guy committed suicide because his fiancé left him. Maybe "love" is a real thing .

It’s like you are saying that everything arises from death and falls to death. Everything comes from death and returns to death. And death is God. The body being the thing that is the rotting corpse of God. Paraphrasing the German philosopher “Philip Mainlander” who too committed suicide along with his God. R.I.P. Peace.

I will share an experience with you why this is the exact attitude life forms of higher intelligence wont come down to save humans, its not their duty. Its your duty to evolve and expand your consciousness to the level required where you are closer to their frequency, maybe then they will consider it. Aliens exist and have been visiting earth for many for thousands of years, but more in private, only those who are of the correct frequency, who are not in deficiency and victim-hood. Why would you interact with ants that still war over race and religion and other petty nonsense humans argue and complain over today. We destroy our planet just to please our taste buds and feed our greed. The story goes a little like this: After going through the most challenging time of her life, full of darkness, rage, suicide, betrayal, heartbreak, she finally rose and stated that she will no longer give her power away to anyone or anything and believe anything or anyone is of a higher power, and rather she will only choose herself and truth and no longer fall for the bait, and even if aliens show up now I don't need them nor want their help, i can do it on my own. In that moment a bunch of orbs showed up in the sky that radiated a beautiful warm energy, but she stood firm and said: NO! not now, now i stand for myself. In that moment I got the message that because of this response, now they are even more curious about her than ever before, that most people will either run in fear or blindly bow to the higher lights, and yet she said: No thank you, and they vanished shortly after. Now they are impressed with that level of consciousness and stance, that is what draws them, when humans can stand in their own sovereignty and not need anyone or anything else but themselves to stand in love and truth. That is a trait of a high consciousness that they find admirable and worthwhile. Most people never attract such things because they are simply not ready for it, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and energetically, their entire system would overload under such radiance, and they don't like to dim down their vibration, they rather see your greater potential shine through. Eventually all humanity will rise to the collective level for open contact, but first everyone has to face all their darkness.

But isn't there some kind of progression ? Don't you need to evolve over many lifetimes before fully merging with infinity again ? And isn't it true that people who do the suicide thing need to come back for another round ? (To be honest i felt some great relief when i read your words, fear of death seemed to dissolve, but i also feel hesitant, residues of religeous conditioning still running deep.)

You're neuroleptic-pilled on genetics: if your identical twin has schizophrenia, you have a 40-50% chance of getting it. That's still a lot, but it's still not a perfectly genetic disorder (unlike say Huntington's disease). Severe (hospitalizable) depression has essentially identical numbers to schizophrenia (40-50% monozygotic twin concordance and 5-10% life expectancy reduction adjusted for suicide, smoking and obesity [AI]). It goes to show that even in the most severe forms of mental distress, on average, people seem to manage it quite well. But again, averages are illusive: if you go to the extremes of the extremes (say the top 1% of most severe depression), that's probably not anywhere you want to be. Same with smoking 3 packs of cigarettes a day or weighing 600 lbs.

I don't think people appreciate how profound conflict can break your health. People with schizophrenia have a ~15 years shorter livespan on average (granted like 70% of them smoke, but still). Actually, adjusting for suicide, smoking and obesity, probably 5-10 years lifespan reduction remains [AI]. That's on a similar level as lifelong smoking and severe obesity. But that's just an average, and the thing is people aren't usually in a state of conflict all the time, people are actually quite resilient, those who survive of course. Those who get truly stuck in conflict I think deterioate very quickly and die, but those cases are extremely rare.

If you want to commit suicide you've already done it; the pleasure here is in exposing it (in this case, on an online forum). There are plenty of ways to lose yourself, free yourself, and cumming without committing suicide. The world does indeed impose a certain degree of castration; you can't kill people for example lol; but you overestimate it, which pushes you toward psychotic episodes; because of decompression. You have no idea what will happen after death, and you only have this idea because something is pushing you in that direction, and what's pushing you in that direction is the belief that you can't express your energy in the world.

Keep fucking with me I am on the brink of suicide and you keep fucking with me you are just like nahm when soonhei ended up jumping you are about to be my own NAHM I hate you

I’m looking for direct and thoughtful answers to a few key questions about suicide, death, and what might come next. My aim is to strike at the core of these topics and get clarity. 1. What Happens After Death? Is it possible to return to "pure positive awareness," where there’s no resistance, need, or pain, only wholeness and joy? Or is death shaped by unresolved beliefs, leading to chaotic, illusory afterlife experiences? Are near-death experiences, spiritual teachings (e.g., Abraham Hicks, Bashar, David Hawkins), and other accounts reliable, or could they just be ego-driven hallucinations? 2. Suicide vs. Natural Death: Does suicide lead to a different afterlife experience than dying naturally? Does the intent behind death matter in shaping what happens next? Are there consequences or “karmic debts” for suicide, or is it just another form of transition? 3. Vibrations and Beliefs at Death: Do one’s beliefs or emotions at the moment of death determine their immediate afterlife experience? If so, how can someone shift their vibration to avoid “negative” outcomes like chaotic or hell-like states? 4. Choosing Death and Reincarnation: If life is chosen before birth, can death also be chosen? Can one align themselves with a peaceful exit and avoid future reincarnation altogether? Is it possible to fully escape the cycle of birth, death, and suffering, or is reincarnation unavoidable until “enlightenment”? 5. Ending the Experience Permanently: Does suicide provide a permanent end to the human experience, or does it simply lead to a new cycle of suffering in another form or life? How does one ensure they do not reincarnate or return to physical existence after deat?

### Owen Cook's "Endless Motivation" Masterclass: The Complete Breakdown (2025 Cut) This is the single most confrontational, high-octane, no-bullshit execution talk Owen has ever delivered. It’s not feel-good spirituality. It’s not another “meditate and manifest” video. It’s a war cry against the modern trance state he calls “derping” — and a complete system to become a relentless executor who actually gets massive results in every area of life. Core Framework: The Three States 1. Derper – Passive, numb, autopilot, path of least resistance. Driven by junk food, dopamine hits, short attention spans, fear of thinking (cortisol). Most of society lives here. This is the “2 + 2 = 5 because they said so” zombie mode. 2. Executor – You accept the cortisol of thinking. You force yourself to stay conscious. You fight the derp every single day with religious intensity. This is the foundation. 3. Transcendent – The higher spiritual states only become stably accessible AFTER you master execution. You can’t transcend while you’re still a derper eating Cheetos and forgetting where you put your keys. Key Insight Execution itself is a meditation. Sitting on a cushion for 20 minutes is great for ego dissolution, but if you’re still derping the other 23 hours and 40 minutes, you’re deluding yourself. Execution meditation (constantly breaking autopilot, asserting, auditing, pushing resistance) is the skeleton that allows real transcendence to grow flesh on it. The 25 Execution Meditation Practices (The Actual System) 1. Assert yourself in every situation (move chairs, lead the group, give energy). 2. Write everything down immediately — billionaires do, broke people think they’re too smart to need to. 3. Double/triple/quadruple check everything. Assume your brain is trying to trick you into laziness. 4. Do new things daily that scare your autopilot (left-hand brushing, cold showers, harder routes). 5. Constantly ask: “What else could I be doing with this time right now?” 6. Ruthlessly cut time-wasting activities (gossip, victimhood, mindless scrolling = spiritual suicide). 7. Audit in advance: “What could go wrong? How could this be misinterpreted?” 8. Extend your attention span deliberately — read the hardest books (Ulysses, Atlas Shrugged) until your brain stops begging for a nap. 9. Always choose the path of most resistance and most effort (stairs, not elevator; fix the thing now, not later). 10. Take total responsibility for yourself AND everyone around you — anticipate their derping too. 11. Proactively raise your emotional ceiling — get addicted to 9/10 states, not 5/10 numbness. 12. Stick to your principles even when it’s socially costly (don’t get dragged into pig-wrestling). 13. Seek truth, not popularity. Train yourself to think “Is this accurate?” not “Will this get me approved?” 14. Solve the hardest version of every problem (film in grizzly country, not your bedroom). 15. Think from other people’s paradigms constantly — marketing, leadership, conflict resolution all come from this. 16. Stop seeking ego-stroking “How was that?” from friends. Know your own standard. 17. Access transcendent states through flow, contribution, and pushing your edge — not just substances. 18. Install new empowering beliefs deliberately. 19. Seek brutal feedback only from people whose results you respect. 20. Connect every present action to its future consequence in real time. 21. When the inner voice says “you’re being lazy,” obey it instantly — no negotiation. 22. Test yourself in fluid, chaotic situations (sports, nightlife, crises) — normalcy bias kills. 23. Practice holding 20+ spinning plates in your mind at once. 24. Take extreme ownership — you are the white ball on the pool table, not the colored one. 25. Realize, multiple times per day, that you are in a trance — and snap out of it immediately. The Brutal Truth Owen Hammered Home Society is engineered to keep you derping (garbage food, jump-cut media, degenerate role models, fear porn). The people at the very top do not respect you. They think you’re food. They are correct — until you prove otherwise by executing so hard you become undeniable. Most “spiritual” content keeps you comfortable in derp mode because that’s where the money is (twin flames, LOA parking-spot manifestation, etc.). Real awakening requires you to first become a conscious executor who refuses the trance. Final Line That Should Be Tattooed on Your Brain “Any failure you have from this day forward is 100% on you. I just spent hours screaming this in your face. There’s nothing more a human can do.” If you actually implement even half of these 25 practices for 90 days, your life will be unrecognizable. Most people will watch this, nod, feel motivated for 12 hours… then go right back to derping. Don’t be most people. Fight the derp until you die. Your future self (and the world) is begging you to.

To not commit suicide, And boy is it hard..

I found this post on reddit and want to know what ya'll think about it... 25 years of Trump & Epstein "Friendship"! 2000: Trump learns Epstein trafficked and "stole" underaged masseuse Virginia Giuffre from Trump's adult spa. 2002: Trump says “I’ve known Jeff for 15 years. Terrific guy. He’s a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side.” 2003: Trump sends note to Epstein: "may every day be another wonderful secret". 2007: Trump Bans Epstein from mar-a-lago after Trump got into a bidding war for a mansion they both were interested in. Epstein indicted. Epstein is tipped off in advance that he is about to be raided, and hires cleaners to wipe his hard drives and remove everything. Nevertheless, there is so much evidence that the police still found tons of homemade child porn and other incriminating documents, including instructions how to take delivery of a girl he bought in Thailand. 2008: Prosecutor Alex Acosta gave Epstein a sweet plea deal that destroyed all the evidence, and, get this: granted immunity to any unindicted co-conspirators. You read that right, Epstein's original FL plea deal not only wiped his record and gave him immunity, it also gave immunity to everyone he committed crimes and raped kids with, known and unknown! 2017: Acosta, who gave Epstein and all his co-child rapists immunity, becomes Trump's Secretary of Labor. 2019: Epstein is jailed again on new sex-trafficking charges. Under Trump's command, the federal prison where Epstein is being held takes him off suicide watch, moves him to a solitary cell where the cameras outside are not working, and forgets to make their rounds at the same that three minutes of camera footage are deleted from the hallway camera, during which Epstein dies. 2020-2024: The Biden administration prosecutes and convicts Ghislaine Maxwell, and begins sealed grand-jury investigations against other co-conspirators, in addition to releasing the largest trove of Epstein-related documents to date, including the "Epstein Tapes" in which Jeff Epstein (RIPiss) calls Trump his "closest friend for ten years". Trump campaigns on releasing ALL of the Epstein Files. Investigators find over 1.5$ BILLION USD of transactions connected to Epsteins bank accounts and are pursuing leads to find owners and recipients of those funds. 2025: Trump cancels the grand-jury investigations, fires the prosecutor, and claims Epstein is a "hoax" made up by Obama. Entire GOP votes to shut down the government in order to prevent a vote on the Epstein files. Trump DOJ has a secret meeting with Ghislaine and moves her to a fenceless minimum-security "club Fed" with work-release privileges. Trump administration intervenes to allow child sex-predator Tom Artiom Alexandrovich to flee to Israel in order to avoid criminal charges in Nevada. GOP Speaker of the house claims Trump was the FBI informant who brought down Epstein despite the same "informant" claiming it being a hoax by Obama... Which he is backtracked 2 days later. Trump ordered his DOJ and FBI to use over 1,000 FBI agents to redact his name from the Epstein files. Republicans voted to protect child rapists on Sep 10th. And have kept the government closed since October to prevent the seating of a elected democrat that would break the tie vote to release the epstein files. GOP is the party of pedophiles. Thoughts?

He doxxed the girlfriends and wives of multiple dating coaches and posted their photos to insult their looks, and I know another dating coach who said he had students who were arrested for following his advice. He also used the suicide of a social skills coach to insult him and advertise himself.