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One good news is that I don't care about this forum anymore. Especially the journal section. Weirdly enough, I don't feel that lonely and I don't care about approval anymore. I don't feel that weak or ignored or hated. It feels weirdly calm if nobody likes me here. I just accept it now versus constantly feeling like I needed people to like me, accept me. It used to drive me nuts if I wasn't included in something. I used to feel like an outcast and that used to drive me mad with anger thinking how I could be treated like I don't exist. Like everyone cares about each other but not me? I don't know what kind of personal transformation I went through but I no longer care about it anymore. Emotional independence? I seriously don't know what caused this tremendous transformation in me that I no longer care if someone cares about me. Going through this experience has also taught me that everything is perception and feeling. If you change your perception towards something, everything you thought about it automatically changes. And how you feel in the moment is not a dictation of how you will feel forever. You can feel completely different in another time slot of your life. It's that fickle.

You know, for a long time being raised Christian I struggled with the grace of God and how it worked with the idea of "being a good person" (otherwise known as good works). For a long time after I started to see that good works would get me very little with god in reality, i kind of gave up on moral living altogether and just lived like that. This was unintentional, but I sort of just let it continue and never really returned to why selflessness is better than selfish living... Why be good? Why be positive? Why live in a selfless fashion...? I was watching Leo's "Zen devil part 1" video and a big insight hit me and I realized that I need to contemplate it more, so here's my insight from about a decade of study from the Christian perspective and from the new-age nondual perspective...I feel like my fervent history in both practices gives me a unique vantage point on the matter...let me know your thoughts if you wish... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ultimately, you'll discover that enlightenment isint realistically attainable by simply moralizing or being a moral individual...and that moralizing can actually become very religiously dogmatic and a distraction to true self enquiry and realization. Subsequently the question arises..."Why be good at all?" The answer is: you don't have to be...but true transformational enlightenment will fill you with love for everyone and everything and (importantly) the way in which you can differentiate between ("do it because i know i should") [what could be called] "shallow selflessness" and "true selflessness"...is the source from which it flows, and that true selflessness flows automatically. Imagine an outdoor, brick wall that was built without cement, and was instead supported with wooden stands and support beams...because of the lack of cement available, the wall would easily fall over without the manual wooden supports, but after a while the wall will have been there for so long that the algae, ivy, rainfall and natural elements of the environment will have pressed down on, and grown around the bricks so much that the wall fuses together to the point where it can stand on its own and support itself automatically, and where the manual wooden stands are no longer required and can be removed without fear of the walls collapse. In this metaphorical picture... The walls stability, is Selflessness, The lack of cement, is Natural Immaturity, The wooden support beams, are the Manually Cultivated Habits/Outlets for Selflessness, …and the natural elements are Gods nature (which is also our true nature). It would be a major mistake to fail to recognize that, while true stable selflessness flows automatically from deep a transformation (being exposed to God), the *process* of transformation itself is most definitely not as automatic and often requires manual effort and strong support initially. Therefore it is not a bad thing to seek outlets for selflessness and to manually guide yourself to engage in those selfless habits [knowing the benefits that come with selflessness] because, before long, these habits, outlets and principals will begin to sustain and support themselves simply because it will literally start to feel amazing in contrast to the selfish alternative. Boiled right down, the insight is this: False Selflessness = Forcing yourself *into* selfless shapes. True Selflessness = Relaxing into alignment with, and flowing with the natural shape of your selfless nature that exists authentically and effortlessly within. The key supplementary insight here is recognizing that the thing that governs whether your selflessness is true or false, is the source from which it flows and rather than doing it because someone told you to...relaxing, flowing with and submitting to the selfless nature that *already* exists within...and seeing that some [or even a lot of] manual support and rearrangement of your values, actions and core principals and submitting to your selfless inner nature is different than forcing yourself into repetitive "good works"...that some manual guidance into selfless actions is healthy because it will eventually stimulate and cultivate a bliss and peace that will sustain the selfless way of life and eventually become more and more effortless. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So today I have got little bit more clarity on my vision, The insight about this vision which is different from the earlier visions I had is that this is highly dynamic and really really broad and wide, the vision of transformation in all areas, it took me so many years to actually form this grandiose vision cause it's not just about one aspect it's about the good life, about emotions, success travel, life purpose, understanding the psychological evolution and using it to understand the people I deal with, life skills like charisma, leadership, funniness... fuck this is totally a vision I could spent my entire life working on, things in my vision are things where I can work on each aspect every day for many years. It's scary cause it's so broad like I can just take 1 subset of a subset and it may take so many years to master it. It's totally worth it, I guess this is more of a meta vision but it's scary, it so big, it's so dynamic I created a notebook called vision on one note and it has so many aspects to it, it is like brining it all together maybe it not a 10 year vision maybe 30 years but I so want this to be achieved in the next 10 years, fuck how! ? can't connect the dots at the moment. is it possible to master life in 10 years having collected the theory little by little in the last 8 years? it took me so much time to realize and connect the dots at least document it, will it ever happen, I want to achieve it as early as possible I wish I stared doing all this when I was 13 years old, i would have definitely been at a different place. Maybe I must follow the one thing strategy on each of these and keep doing it for the next 10 years. going small is the key to going big.

I like most of what you guys said. Thanks. Here's what's crossing my mind: I feel weaker now that she came closer. I did not want to let her come too close, because I knew I was putting myself in a position where I could potentially end up being hurt and betrayed, again. I did not fully heal from my previous relationship just yet. I did not complete my transformation and I did not eliminate all those traits that could lead me to repeating the same mistakes. Allowing myself to descend that low again. I set clear boundaries at the very beginning, saying how this is just a short little adventure and it's destined to end soon. It was obvious to me that that was turning her on. Like a lot. I guess she was not used to it. She was used to being chased by all the guys. After some time of dating, hooking up and doing all kinds of things together, I guess I started breaking down my walls. I was less strict about the boundaries that I've set. I mean, in the begging it was nothing outside of the bedroom. That was my rule. No dinners, no partying together, no doing favours for each other, etc. Basically, nothing that would indicate that we are a couple. it was purely about hooking up. And now... Well, she's spending a whole week at my place. We are shopping for groceries together, cooking for each other, doing all kinds of stuff that clearly say we are in a full-blown relationship. Did I fall into a trap here? I had a very clear vision for myself. A path that I was on. I was on track. Aligned with my purpose. I was much more decisive and unshakable. And even though I enjoy what we have going on now, I feel like I'm kinda losing myself again. We are still attracted to each other as fuck. We're having a lot of sex and all that jazz. But last night this topic kinda came up and it made me think. For some reason she liked me even more and was turned on by me even more until I allowed her to come this close. And in a way, I liked myself more that way, too. I was shielded, yes. My heart was kinda shut down. But I felt more powerful and "in control". I felt kinda untouchable. I never really chased any girl in my life. Well, maybe with one exception. But I did have a tendency to lose myself a bit too much and become a bit too soft, if that makes any sense. I really would not like to F myself in the A here, again. I'd rather cut things off, or create some distance, even though at this point, that would be quite painful, I imagine. I really like this girl. Things got pretty deep and serious, fast. And that's kinda scary.

https://youtu.be/nVgj68tcCbU "The great religious stories, east and west, are there for the purpose of evoking the sacred in us, the numinous. We turn them into history lessons. They were meant to be stories that could wake up some dimension of being within us." "Because we can give it a word, we can lose the sense of how mysterious something is." "People can be in a given environment, and they can leave a signature of presence in that environment, and sometimes they can leave it there for hundreds of years." "The bigness of a given experience has no indication of how deep it has gone and how lasting and transformative it will be." "One good encounter with the numinous can alter someone's entire life course." "It's a transformation in our vision, not in our being. We don't become something that's numinous. It's a transformation of seeing, not a transformation of being. That's so important to understand." "If it has no intimacy, then you know it's just something that someone's baked up in their mind." "The secret to being still: grant permission to all movement." Adya references this movie:

Tonight I went out and I applied what Tate teaches. Wow. Girls love Tate energy. Kissed two girls. There is no techniques to Tate’s teachings. It is about frame of mind and the energy you carry; Tate calls it the G mindset. Obviously I’m baby stepping this shit. I haven’t fully manifested Tate’s consciousness into my body. It takes time. I’m expecting a massive transformation in the coming weeks.

When you go from borderline, subtly promoting in your musical artistic content and career in a symbolism rich and filled layered manner: "For the historically and currently oppressed, denigrated, dehumanised, discriminated and exploited of the world all to unite to tear down the old structures of power and their narratives justifying the bias towards obscene accumulated monopoly on one side only of "historicity, civilizational and material wealth and cultural value and prestige" and rebuild something new, more equal, humanistic and inclusive reflecting the diversity and variety of the people's of the world today - almost like a socialist calling for a revolution of the marginalized in the very hearts of interconnected civilizational metropolitan cities funded and built in part on profits generated from slave labour, exploitation and imperialism of the past and sustained as centers of civilization and culture by commercial and financial imperialism of today." to actually overtly and openly politically promoting: "This grotesque old post-modern neo-feudal propertarian landlord rentier and mass grifter and con artist A (perhaps there will also be a B replacement figure soon coming ? hope not for the sake of ordinary and most Americans) is our only last hope left and Messiah in America to save ourselves from the growing tide and movement among the youth of majoritarian and totalitarian tendencies of brainwashed mobs of international conspiratorial, relativistic and nihilistic anarcho-leftist hordes who want to tear down and wipe away clean all remnants of Western values and civilization in our countries culture left, that is "akchually" funded by a Jewish dominated plotting cabal in Hollywood and elsewhere in American politics and politicians that are payed for and controlled by Chinese financial and political-economic hegemonic and monopoly interests and unleashed on us ordinary conservative minded American folk - henceforth we need our own closed loop information systems and insular, hermetic and echo-chambery platforms to discuss and plan how to actually succeed in coup-d'etating our no longer ours or loyal deep state government this time" in about 4 to 10 years time Well no one could have seen that transformation and metamorphosis coming. xd?

Very insightful interview. Adya at his best: "We're not doing a good job of an inner journey, if we're excluding exterior life. What it means to exist in the world today is an important part of the inner journey. It's where the rubber hits the road. It's the world that keeps holding up a mirror in front of us, saying: 'How are you interacting with this?'" "Even if we haven't come upon the unified vision, there are lower and higher aspects of our egoic nature. Our egos have the capacity for compassion, empathy, openness, and understanding. Life is always calling us to act from the best within us." "Transformation is a bloody, messy process. When you're living out spiritual transformation, it doesn't look spiritual at times." "Change is chaotic. It's chaotic until we reach a certain level of consciousness, and then it no longer has to be chaotic anymore, because we're willing to see truths." "Part of the process is seeing things that we don't want to see. There's a love affair with whatever consciousness reveals to us." "Spirituality is about accelerating a process that's natural, but the spiritually inclined person is doing things to accelerate a process dramatically. When we accelerate a developmental process dramatically, the road is bumpy." "We abdicate our lives, when we abdicate our true higher nature. We get lost in trivial things. Or we abdicate it by hiding in spiritual viewpoints." "Autonomy, on any level, is hard-won. It requires a lot of standing up in your own two shoes and taking responsibility for whatever your vision is. Go out there and engage it, whatever that happens to be." "What do you know that you really don't want to know? That's what you're being asked to pay attention to now. That's what you're being asked to respond to. That's what you're being asked to come out of hiding behind." "The models don't hold the answers. It's the people, it's the quality of interaction, how we're being with ourselves, how we're being with each other. That's something that each of us brings to the table." "What are you going to do when you go to the grocery store, and there are no short lines? When you find out what your authentic response on that level is, then you let that level mirror back to you what's really going on inside. The big stuff has a way of solving itself. The clarity on the big stuff comes." "Everyone and everything around you are experiencing your state of consciousness, where you're coming from, what you feel, what you think. It's being registered. You're a radio broadcaster for who you are." "After a transforming insight, ego comes back, and people experience the equal and opposite. As open and expanded you become, you become equally contracted and dark for a while. We have our own unique conditioning that arises in the wake of that." "It's not about heaven. It's not about hell. It's about what's true. Don't grasp at the light. Don't push away the dark. There is something that's neither of those; includes them both but is not identifiable as either one of them." "What we do to ourselves, we tend to do to others. If we're stuck in a place where we're always judging and condemning ourselves, if that's the state of mind we're always in about ourselves, we're putting that energy out to the people around us, too." "You see God in everything, from the best to the worst. At a little deeper level, it's not just seeing the divine in everything, it's seeing the divine as everything, as everything, and everything includes everything. When it becomes really deep in you, nothing can occur that changes that knowing, that view. You can experience something that's really difficult, it's still not going to alter that view." "The emotional byproducts have nothing to do with the truth that's seen. The emotions will fade as the truth becomes normalized." "Women will often see the divinity of existence, whereas men will see the non-existence of existence. Women will often see that God is immanent, whereas men will see that God is transcended. As our vision fills out, it fills out beyond our genders. We see the other side, and it becomes a whole view."

Well I've usually taken a top-down approach to psychedelics, where by becoming conscious, feeling, and experiencing overwhelming amounts of infinite love I blasted away through any possible traumas, insecurities, fears, and so on. I didn't really even try to work on them during trips, they spontaneously disappeared over time with the help of trips like these, which had cascading effects on everything about me. One example is that I used to have social anxiety and it got completely removed with this approach. So I basically used love to heal from everything as a whole instead of trying to work on any individual aspects that I didn't like. I don't know if it's the best approach, but it worked completely for me. It was like a complete transformation encompassing everything about me, powered by love. But whenever I feel emotions, especially during trips, I let myself feel those emotions completely without judging them.

Intro I’ve felt deeply called to share what I learned between January 2022 & present with the Actualized.org community. As I mentioned in this post awhile back, I recently went to train in a contemporary, quasi monastery for 6 months called “Monastic Academy for the Preservation of Life on Earth” or just MAPLE. I had the good fortune of working remotely, keeping my software job while simultaneously committing to the morning and evening schedule, as well as accumulating 40 days of formal retreat time while there. I have felt resistance to sharing due to what I perceive as a general closed mindedness many have on the forum regarding what is possible with formal meditation practice so why bother sharing if I’m just going to be told how unawake I am by others, or how I’m playing spiritual games? However, I also believe in Actualized.org and feel it is one the highest quality sources of information regarding philosophy, psychology, personal development, and despite the many disagreements I’ve had with the community, spirituality. Because I selfishly want to see this community prosper well into the future, I felt called to share my experiences in hopes that I may stoke the fire in some by showing what is possible by throwing oneself in. I should mention a few things though – 1) MAPLE is not formally a monastery; it is a monastic container/training space. We followed a daily monastic schedule, but none of the residents nor myself took full ordination vows. 2) The community is explicitly Buddhist. However, the head teacher has a healthy integration of other spiritual traditions and furthermore, spends about 2 months per year training with Native Americans in Earth based spirituality. Even though Buddhism was the primary focus, I felt incredibly supported exploring other traditions, discussing psychedelics, and using language such as God, The Absolute, Infinity, Consciousness, The Self, etc. 3) The focus of the community is to address the many existential risks facing the planet through a combination of rigorous contemplative training aimed at classical Buddhist enlightenment and providing psychological tools needed for effectively changing society from the ground up. Specifically, how are the many modern, existential challenges a function of the modern human mind and how must the mind change in order to effectively, and appropriately respond to such challenges? Challenges such as the rapid development of artificial intelligence, gene editing, new forms of surveillance capitalism, supply chain and food supply degradation, aging and failing economic structures, and global ecological collapse through man made climate change. (This is not an exhaustive list.) Again, how are these external forces a symptom of the human mind and how must the human mind transform in order to effectively confront, and resolve these risks? This is some of what MAPLE attempts to provide an answer for. Modern thinkers such as John Vervaeke, Zach Stein, and most recently Daniel Schmachtenberger have visited and are in the process of potentially collaborating with MAPLE. So while there is a specific spiritual emphasis, remaining rooted in the world to help face these crises is a huge focus of the container. I will structure this in a similar fashion to my past trip reports with themes. I hope this is both an interesting and helpful read. I would also highly recommend in person retreats at MAPLE, or visiting through the various programs. Since the beginning, I felt particularly geared to train at MAPLE because of my background study of Actualized.org. Happy to answer any questions related to MAPLE, my practice, or anything related to this post in the reply section. Themes Meditation Gainz The Value of Spiritual Community Soryu Forall – Finding My Teacher Is MAPLE a Cult? Catching the Ox Bodhicitta as the Embodiment of God’s Love Returning to the Mountain Meditation Gainz Between silent sitting, chanting, and silent meals, I was practicing anywhere from 3 to 4 hours per day on non-retreat days. During retreats, I practiced between 10 – 14 hours per day. One of the immediate appeals of MAPLE was the intensity of the container; it often felt like a combination of Theravada Buddhism and Renzai Zen where practice was the most important focus. One of the criticisms MAPLE has received in the past was that the training was too intense. By the time I had gotten to MAPLE, the container was more docile, having responded to the feedback by softening the intensity (much to my disappointment). Of course when practicing at this intensity day in and day out, there is bound to be some kind of effect on the mind whether positive or negative. In full transparency, it was both for me, but a huge net positive. Enormous psychological material gets brought up with this rigor of practice and because of how little free time I had, I often felt incredibly ‘pressurized’ with very little time to catch my breath. Yet what seemed to occur were moments of rapid processing of the psychological material wherein the challenge would spontaneously drop and be replaced with enormous amounts of equanimity, happiness, ease, and peace. Overall, I experienced more of the positive flavors of emotion than the negative, but the relentlessness of the container facilitated what felt like a non-stop churning of the subconscious bullshit, shadows, attachments into the surface for purification. As a result of this purification, the states I was able to begin regularly achieving during formal practice and have been able to maintain since leaving MAPLE can only be described as psychedelic in quality. Meditation dropping into what feels like a microdose is the standard now while at other times it does feel like a 75 - 100ug LSD trip. The value of so easily achieving these states is difficult to communicate. The plausibility of this possibility is difficult to sell. Overall, my meditation practice feels like its growth curve has begun accelerating in a non-linear fashion where the effort required to achieve these states is minimal. The majority of the effort revolves around just showing up to practice, and because of the habituation of so much practice, even this is not hard. Perhaps it’s karma, perhaps it’s genetic, perhaps it’s due to my past, aggressive use of psychedelics, or perhaps it’s the nature of intensive meditation. I believe it is a combination, but primarily the result of intensive, persistent meditation both before, during, and now after MAPLE. There are others in the community that had practices just as deep as mine and some deeper and therefore, I bias towards believing these results are due to the intensity of the training rather than something special or unique about me. The Value of Spiritual Community Leo has often criticized spiritual communities as a distraction, just another form of playing social games and bullshitting ourselves. This is a paraphrase, but my interpretation of Leo’s stance. Whether this is an accurate assessment of Leo’s stance or not, this was partially my framework coming in, a framework that created a sense of suspicion and skepticism about MAPLE. For the first month, I found myself internally at odds with my lack of independence, as though the lone wolf archetype that I had come to hold so dearly was slowly starving. It was very painful and showed up in many ways in many moments. As time went on, as I spent more time socializing, living in community, and meditating my ass off, something strange began happening. I realized because of the integrity of MAPLE and because of the integrity of the individual community members, I was pushing myself harder than I had ever previously pushed myself alone. So many ways I distracted myself with internet usage, video games, smoking weed, watching Netflix, etc., where not only unavailable, but the craving for their usage was gone as well. The social pressure of living in a community of individuals who were devoting their lives to something greater than individual interests and selves was inspiring, forming a sort of collective accountability and momentum. I cannot speak for every spiritual community. I cannot speak for every ashram or monastery. But due to my own direct experience, I can speak about MAPLE and hold an open mind that there is a genuine power and advantage to training in a community setting. (I speak more on this below.) Though I am glad Leo’s content fostered a deep sense of independence and personal authority, as this served me many times even while at MAPLE and certainly as I’ve come back into normal society, I am glad to have surrendered myself in some way into a collective mind and space. Sometimes the whole is greater than the sum of the parts and it turns out, sometimes the greater whole can reach back and serve the parts. Soryu Forall – Finding My Teacher There’s the cliché saying, “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” And this was exactly, utterly, and profoundly my experience meeting Soryu Forall. This man is like the Bodhisattva version of Peter Ralston in his prime; he’s kind of like a Dharma football coach. Soryu speaks with a compassionate ferocity and unusual clarity. The man walks with unquestionable integrity and is routinely open to feedback from the community despite holding a position of power and authority. There were multiple instances where we had one on one communications where I was questioning decisions he made or topics he discussed and he would legitimately listen without getting defensive, holding hidden agendas, or gaslighting as so many guru figures are known for. I never once felt any kind of pressure from him other than to work hard practicing and face the truth. Yet beyond his intense personality and relational openness, Soryu’s life purpose is to help preserve life on the planet in the face of the myriad of existential risks, and it is this life purpose which told me I’d found my teacher. Story time - A few years ago my main focus in spirituality was exploring consciousness, primarily using psychedelics as taught by Leo. However, as a result of these deep explorations, I discovered an unexpected pain that could only be held as some kind of collective wound rather than anything having to do with my personal psychology. It was as though I encountered the crying out of the planet itself. As a result of these medicines, I was continuously running into both a deep, species level collective pain and even greater, a planetary pain as a result of human activity. The work of Christopher Bache comes to mind as a written example of what I felt like I was running into (Christopher’s work helped contextualize my experiences as I was having them before I’d ever read LSD and The Mind of The Universe; discovering his work was extremely validating as well as clarifying.) It was as though psychedelics completely cracked open my personal psychology, and spirit, catapulting me into this enormous pain and suffering the planet was experiencing as a result of human activity. I was left very broken on multiple occasions and confused on a number of my most recent journeys. At least this was the case until my first meditation retreat. On this first retreat, I directly experienced how the purification of my mind that was occurring as a direct result of meditation was purifying my personal mind of the very qualities psychedelics had shown me to be responsible for the catastrophic destruction and tragic proliferation of suffering on the planet. Greed, hatred, ignorance, anger, envy, pride, good ol’ selfish egotism, etc. – Mindfulness purifies these qualities of mind. These qualities of mind are deeply ingrained in modern humanity and become increasingly worse as one moves up power structures, mainly governments, corporations, and those with massive amounts of wealth. Because of this retreat experience, I realized I encountered the root cause to all of these concerns and therefore, at last had the power to take responsibility for these. So how does this relate to Soryu? Soryu was the first spiritual teacher I’ve met that not only recognizes this relationship between meditation practice and purifying the qualities of mind responsible for destroying the planet, he has been the only teacher I’ve met with the integrity to take responsibility in some way for this relationship. While most teachers and teachings are oriented around personal liberation and self-centered enlightenment, Soryu has shown that there is an alternative path within spirituality, that one can awaken while simultaneously deepening a compassion and effectiveness to serve the world. In this way, awakening becomes a vehicle for compassionate work in the world, and compassionate work in the world becomes a vehicle for awakening. And this embodiment of the intersection between the contemplative path and existential risk was the very intersection shown to me by my use of psychedelics and my first retreat. Soryu was and is an embodiment of an energetic archetype I felt within myself, to some extent. Obviously we’re different beings and obviously our most self-actualized forms will not be identical, but in many regards, he has served as an embodied example of what is possible to become on this path if one’s life purpose is centered around addressing existential risk through a contemplative, spiritual framework. Similar to how discovering Christopher Bache’s work was enormously validating for my psychedelic explorations, discovering Soryu and MAPLE has been enormously validating for my experiences with meditation. Is MAPLE a Cult? I felt called to address this because of the obvious reputation communal, spiritual communities have. It was a concern my family and some friends had as well before I arrived and given how horrible many spiritual communities have turned out in the past, it feels warranted addressing this topic. In many ways yes MAPLE could be defined as a cult. There is a dress code, we follow a formal schedule, there is limited free time, and in some regards, there is a central power figure in a leadership position (Soryu) that directs the momentum of the space. However, this framing is incredibly more nuanced than a black or white yes or no. While there were cult-like qualities living at MAPLE, what are the advantages and what are the feedback systems MAPLE has created which prevent unhealthy power and relationship dynamics from forming? Why would I have stayed in the community for 6 months if I felt it was cult-ish? When following a strict schedule that forces one to meditate, eat healthy, exercise, follow a consistent sleep schedule, and ask existentially challenging questions, all within the space of an incredibly nourishing community, it turns out this is one of the healthiest ways a human can live. Shocking, I know. While there are advantages to taking personal responsibility for forming these daily habits, the fact of the matter is most seekers and self-actualizers fail at this because of a myriad of societal and internal stumbling blocks. Until our minds have become deeply purified in the contemplative sense, we are very susceptible to environmental conditioning. Because of the state of our modern society, this environmental conditioning is almost always negative. Furthermore, because our minds have not been sufficiently purified and are enmeshed in toxic environments, most minds are not trustworthy enough to stay committed to behaviors aligned with their highest values and ideals. By spending dedicated amounts of time intentionally surrendering one’s authority to an external training environment, this can circumvent one’s environmentally conditioned bias towards self-sabotage. If this training environment is healthy and focused on deep introspection, the integrity of the training space can be ingrained, absorbed, and then intrinsically grow out of the personal psychology. One can adopt the training space’s mind, so to speak. Rather than constantly flailing around on one’s own in cycles of success and failure, legitimate long-term momentum can begin building and therefore, real reprogramming can start taking place in the subconscious mind, a reprogramming that biases towards these healthy habits and has the integrity to follow one’s highest ideals and values. This was my experience at MAPLE. Of course, all of this is contingent upon the environment being trust-worthy, self-reflective, and having the necessary feedback mechanisms to remain healthy. This brings us to the second point. From every angle I looked and despite enormous skepticism, from what I can tell MAPLE is a trustworthy environment, has a trustworthy community, and has a trustworthy head teacher. Integrity and personal responsibility are routinely emphasized. Public apologies for fuck ups and taking ownership over one’s own mind are the standard. It is continually emphasized to not hand one’s authority over to Soryu and that his role as a head teacher is ultimately only there to help support one’s own awakening process. At every level of leadership, any other level of authority whether from a random retreat goer, or a new resident/apprentice, everyone is welcome to give feedback. This environment of continual, open, and encouraged feedback helps eliminate blind spots in the community, as different levels of perspective and views are allowed to emerge and be held by the collective. It felt very much like a psychological, strange loop, where every level could contact and communicate with every other level. I believe the heavy emphasis on spiritual practice and Buddhist ethics are part of what made this possible. If a community weren’t centered around these types of values and relational feedback mechanisms, the risk of dangerous cult formation seems high. Instead, there was continuous collective reflection and feedback, helping shape and mold power structures and dynamics at every level. It felt like a community boarding on SD stage yellow. So back to question – is MAPLE a cult? I said in many ways it could fit this definition, yes. And yet it is no more a cult than the United States of America, any other country, and no more a cult than the social dynamics that occur as one lives in community with roommates, family members, or even alone. The environment and the social elements of one’s environment will always play a role in shaping one’s psychology. Our minds are not separate and independence is an illusion; existence/form is 100% conditioned at every level. In this way, it is almost impossible to escape being shaped by cult psychology from one’s environment save for the most highly developed sages. Does one live in a trustworthy environment? Can one create a trustworthy environment? Can one trust their own mind to judge and create a trustworthy environment? Overall, the structure served a deep purpose and has had a rooted impact as I’ve come back into the world. Catching the Ox It turns out all the great sages and mystics of the past and present are correct – the self is not an object, it is not a perception, and certainly not a state of consciousness. Self-realization is not to be found in a psychedelic trip, nor in any comparison of ‘this state vs. that state,’ even when comparing a state of self-realization to a state of non-self-realization. Self-realization is not found in a monastery. God is not it. Emptiness is not it. The self is not it. Non-self is not it. Formlessness is not it. Form is not it. And yet to say there is no recognition, no enlightenment, nor God is not it. There is truth, there is the realization of truth, and there is the realization of truth’s uncompromising permanence and necessity of permeating realization vs non-realization. It really is nothing whatsoever and yet permeates all possible states of mind, perception, consciousness, or whatever other word used. It is reliable, it is a source of happiness, and it is that which creates all conditioned existence through form. Everything, including God realized states of consciousness and unconscious states of consciousness, arises out of, and passes back into it and yet themselves are it. Enlightenment is an absolute paradox. Only a mind capable of holding paradoxical thought will find this description understandable, or helpful, yet this form of thought is very much accessible if one commits to serious practice. The intensity of MAPLE’s training schedule and the intensity of the interviews with Soryu helped facilitate an undoubted encounter with reality that has only continued flowering. In the 10 ox herding model of Zen, I feel confident I have encountered Stage 4 out of the 10. The next step is “taming the ox,” or in other words, letting this realization pierce so completely and totally that all waking, dreaming, and dreamless states abide in the knowledge of self, the knowledge of emptiness, the knowledge of reality. I could also say the next step is further exploring what it actually means to catch the ox. Stage 4 seems to have enormous depth. Practice will involve the continued purification of mind from mental defilements and cultivation of mind with wholesome states like concentration, equanimity, and clarity, which facilitate the dynamic creation of actualized self-activity. As one comes to know one’s true nature, the relative mind structure begins to reflect and mirror the truth through embodied existence; the truth transforms the mind as the mind clarifies what is true and not true. Right action, speech, and thought spontaneously arise from the flow of life, all in achord with one’s highest ideals and values. To truly self-actualize, one must have the desire for the truth, both the truth of one’s true nature which gives rise to enlightenment and the desire for the truth of one’s authentic desires which give rise to self-actualization. Bodhicitta as the Embodiment of God’s Love One of the most important Buddhist concepts I learned while at MAPLE was Bodhicitta, which can be defined as the aspiration for awakening for the benefit of all beings. It is a stance towards awakening that seeks to serve the awakening of all beings, rather than merely the awakening of oneself. Yet of course this is a paradox, as who else is there to awaken but you? What other being is there to awaken other than you? Yet there is suffering, there is unhappiness, there is ignorance of truth across a myriad of endless beings; one need only walk outside to observe this fact. Furthermore, one need only look at their life to see the role various teachers and the condition’s of one’s environment played in their own awakening process. What is the intelligence, compassion, and love that worked behind the scenes to facilitate this personal awakening for you? It was the love of God. It was Self-Love. It was a love and compassion so pure that it could only have originated from that which is totally without self. Can one step into the humility needed to encounter just how profound and significant it was to be born a human, to be born in a world where there are legitimate teachers teaching the way, and to be born with the conditions to even learn about and open up to the possibility of enlightenment? What ARE those conditions? Why do they occur? How is it possible we could have discovered any of this? Love. When vowing to remain in cyclical existence for the sake of all being’s the Bodhisattva through this cultivation and absolute Bodhicitta, vows to remain, to help serve until every last moment of consciousness, every last manifestation of form, is awakened, completely and utterly. The goal is asinine, insane, utterly grandiose, and of course, pure paradox. It is a goal only accessible through understanding of the nature of self and God, whether one uses those words or not. Moreover, it is a goal too overwhelming for a self to take on and too paradoxical for a self to make sense of. When one encounters the compassion of a Bodhisattva, awakens to a glimpse of what a being of this caliber is like, it necessarily cracks the heart wide open, revealing something so far beyond what normal human emotion or mind can comprehend. I consider Soryu Forall to be a partial embodiment of this Bodhisattva archetype.He has served as a legitimate sign post to work towards this Archetype, to actually allow the life force of the awakened mind and heart to serve something other than the illusion of self, and instead, serve reality itself. I have no illusions that he doesn’t have further work to do, but I would be foolish to not recognize the enormous depth of his awakening and honor the significance of meeting a being who's taken on these vows in the flesh, working to embody these vows with integrity and authenticity. It’s easier to see the consequences of such vows, integrity, and authenticity when one has a living example. During my time at MAPLE, I lay ordained, taking these vows as well, but in truth, the vows themselves emerged on their own without any part of the personal psychology wanting or feeling good about it. In fact, it felt more like a remembering of promises I’d made long ago rather than some new, profound stance towards how I want to live my life, in this life and beyond. Returning to the Mountain I have plans of returning to MAPLE later this fall to become a full time resident. There is a powerful calling to take responsibility for humanity's existential predicament and it seems karma predisposes me towards wanting to help through addressing the root cause - the mind. I feel a deep responsibility to awaken both because I consider Truth to be one of the highest values in life, but also because I feel a responsibility towards mankind. How could I see this relationship between the internal and external so clearly and not do something about it? For a number of other personal reasons, my experiences with psychedelics, and now primarily meditation, the work I want to do in the world involves helping teach this practice. I want to teach this path as a means to create peace on the planet and to foster a new humanity capable of creating harmony with itself and all of life. If humanity cannot scale a collective wisdom and love with its rapidly developing power, the planet will not last. I consider psychedelics a necessary component to this collective transformation, as without some kind of exponential waking up, humanity will not respond in time. Yet humanity also needs teachers, and leaders capable of showing the way in the grounded, natural state. For now, I am called to train and work with this community as a way to help facilitate this collective peace and harmony. Final words I really think MAPLE would be a great spot for many in the Actualized.org community to visit. Its emphasis on awakening yet awakening within the context of how one may serve the world fits the ethos of Leo’s work on Life Purpose, from my point of view. Having studied Leo’s work so thoroughly before coming to MAPLE was a massive advantage. Evening studying the work and sitting with Peter Ralston was a massive advantage as well. It feels like MAPLE is a bit of an underground spiritual community right now, but is a perfect fit for those who are into Leo, Peter, or Shinzen. It’s here to support serious truth seekers, sages, self-actualizers, but most importantly, those who have an aspiration to serve the world during these troubling times by taking responsibility for one’s mind. Therefore, if one has goals of serving the world and particularly within domains related to existential risk, yet also seeks the truth, I would recommend checking it out. Plus since I’ll be there for the next little bit, it would be cool to meet some other’s from the forum. This is all for now. With deep mettā.

I have had the realization that the Earth is alive. 1. What kind of transformation was covid supposed to bring to Earth? 2. If Earth is awake, does it see its humans as beneficial or detrimental to itself? 3. General question... if you become too conscious and want to go back to sleep, what is the method?

Watched Groundhog Day a few days ago - it has spiritual undertones. I laughed when he said - I am God. It's a fun one. Just keep in mind that true transformation is not in behavior, but in mind.

On the imbalance: I 'transformed' in their presence. It was almost like and due to a recontextualization and realization. They were my children. I was 'mother' and 'wife'. Some kind of hidden 'knowledge' was revealed by circumstances. Circumstances were dire seemingly, I could feel something wasn't right but nothing had come to pass. Premonitions. So I started saying stuff to ease the energy. The imbalance caused me to see things that weren't there because I was dealing with energies that were so 'real'. My mind filled in the blanks. It's hard for me to discern what the hidden knowledge was. Something about leaning back, leaning forward, and Spirit. I was in a world of my own, so I wasn't exactly grounded. I have entities/archetypal figures of my psychology helping me to lean back. In reality, people are starved of this quality and it impacts everything. Spirit/embodiment/love is like Leaning forward with a capital L. It overrides all other forms of leaning forward. It is superior to all other forms. If you have spirit then you can manifest entities/archetypes within your psychology to help you profoundly lean back. I remember knowing that. Recontextualization plus leaning back = transformation. Leaning back is the key to attraction and health. All good things flow to you. Again, people are starved of this quality. It requires a pure/childlike heart to enter into the cave of wonders. The Genie (entity/archetypes of your psychology) will give you all that your heart desires. Of course, you can only get to that place during an imbalance usually. So you'll be coming from a place of service, selflessness, and spreading love usually. It is a natural reward, healing. If you can survive The Descent. I was able to heal myself through the breath of life. Spirit breathes life. 'Life' (Health and goodness) is then the result of that. Breathing life - ultimate leaning forward.

There is no shtick. In psychedelic awakening you are forced to awaken because the substance hinders the mind or opens the senses in a way that disrupts the mind. Because of the psychedelic ability to affect the mind profoundly and rapidly, the awakening is usually deep and intense, usually accompanied by crazy emotional/energetic release. The problem with psychedelic awakenings is many fold. One, it is only temporary, due to the effect of the substance on the mind. When mind goes back online, consciousness tends to fall back into identification with it. This way, even though it was clear in the trip that no solid or real identity exist anywhere in consciousness, the dream of being a separate self in a world with other objects continues. Second, if the conditions of the trip weren't adequate to fit the tripper (set, settings, dose), the psychedelic induced awakening can be too much for the mind or the body. The tripper might find himself confused, in horror, or just unable to grasp what has happened to him. The trip might even damage the "process" of awakening or transformation. Three, there might be an attachment to psychedelic awakenings, which may cause the practitioner to seek more psychedelic awakenings rather than the recognition of the identity mechanisms that causes seeking and repeated behavior. Psychedelic awakenings should be regarded and considered as serious science of the mind, for all that it implies. This is not to say that psychedelic awakenings are not conducive to enlightenment or transformation. They are probably the best way to divert the regular seeking mind from seeking material objectives to a spiritual "journey", and show us that things are not as solid or identity based as we think. They can also be very useful under the proper conditions to elicit insights on the mind, emotion, body, flow, connection with others, and much more. And they are freaking amazingly powerful just to explore Consciousness. But when it comes to a fixed realization, shattering the illusion of identities or separation, a fixed shift in what consciousness take itself to be, they fall short. This is where spiritual practice comes in, a thorn to take out another thorn. Of course, the same egoic identity traps that hide in seeking psychedelic states/awakenings also lies in spiritual practice, if the identification process latches also to it. So all and all, psychedelics are amazing, and in fact I see them as very direct and intense gurus for initiating the "path". But going back again and again to visit them is no different than going back to an ashram to visit the guru. It is ok if you just want to have fun with your guru, enjoy his company and sit with him. But if you are going back and back again expecting him to wake you up, it is just feeding the seeking mind. People can attend satsang or even meditate for years and not wake up, because they are just satisfying the mind. So it is important to see if this comes from a psychological fixation on some activity or just innocence, honest, play, curiosity, love. It is a matter of clearly seeing what is the motive for what we are doing.

I think this is very interesting. I have experienced how on multiple occasions in my own life my own development was accelerated shortly after experiencing an intense event such as having a conflict with my parents and crying, or during some death anxiety that surfaced during my recent problems with chest pain. Thinking back on traumatic events years later can be insightful but the fresher the experience is, the easier it seems to be to access insight that translates into life transformation, wether that is by making progress in the material realm or by changing the outlook on life itself, or both.

Thank you! As I mentioned to someone else, it really doesn't take that long if you can sort of go in full steam ahead and target each of them one at a time. (I was still trying to do all 3 here and there, which helped a bit from time to time, but I do feel that concentrating on one would be much less stressful I feel.) Also, my links have been posted above, I documented my body transformation but ALSO my pursuit of Pick Up & Game and I also explained the understanding of Money & Value and how one needs to be pursuing money if they do. Hopefully all that helps, and if you wish to connect with me you can do so directly on my IG! Best wishes and best of luck to you in all your endeavours!

Thank you, I'll be honest, ALL of those can be accomplished way sooner than most think. It literally only took me 3 years to go through all of those. I had started lifting 15+ years ago, but that insane body transformation of fat loss for the competition was just less than 8 months! I help people (my target audience is younger men 15-30) accomplish the same in their own lives in the simplest, fastest, easiest manner possible. I linked a bunch of my links above, feel free to peruse them and connect with me directly if you need any help!

Analysis: My shadow is DENSE. For some reason. Although highly fluid and open and communicative. Receptive. I would guess that my shadow is dense because of trauma. There are sides of reality I have a great deal of difficulty coming to terms with. I don't entirely understand why it is so violent and angry and sinister. Because it is fluid and open I would guess I must have done something right. Revealing sides of its true nature; the Daimon or higher self. A guide, helpful and receptive. The angelic part of my psyche is trying to assist me to free myself of my shadow. To help me to awaken to reality. Seems to reference Pandora's box. He had a sword of truth during my visions (thank you for being a sword of truth in the darkness). Telling me not to look may be a reference to how I would incessantly feed the shadow during The Descent. I kept feeding it and feeding it with more and more trauma, as it broke me down. I wouldn't stop. The damage I have is pretty bad at this point and the reason for much of the dense shadow. I willingly Descended. Analysis: Shadow is fluid and receptive. Like I said above. Easily shifts. Full transformation. The throne symbolizes integration. Helpful, guiding, awakening. The angelic part of my psyche yet again holds his sword of truth. His eyes are the doors to transmission. Seems to trust that I won't willingly descend now. That I may have learned my lesson. His sword of truth reveals my True Self.

I appreciate your kind words. I prefer the words "letting go of the old", "transformation", "alchemy" in the process of growth and evolution. And also, "uncovering true self" instead of "de-identification". Before: I don't know who I am and I don't know the Truth. I am Vladimir. After: I know who I am and I know the Truth. I am Vladimir and I am Universe.

The monkey mind does not need to be fought. It needs to be tenderly embraced, like a child. The monkey mind is your ego throwing a tantrum because you are ignoring it. It is a kid that is grabbing onto their parent and refusing to let go until it has been cared for. Don't punish it for wanting attention. Don't judge it, or become frustrated. The only way to handle it is with Love. Whisper to it that everything will be okay. Guide it through breathing exercises until it calms down. If it still lets out a cry, just let it. Between time and your soothing, it will be quiet. At the end of the day, it's all you. Treat it how you would like to be treated. Treat it as you would treat others, as that is often more kind than you treat yourself. There's no need to create a battlefield in your mind, you're only fighting yourself. Struggling is useless, stop struggling. "Sorrow, fear, and depression are all a kind of garbage...You can practice in order to turn these bits of garbage into flowers.... you should not throw anything out. All you have to do is learn how to transform your garbage into flowers. " - from "You are Here" by Thich Nhat Hanh Remember that transformation is always possible. You are not your emotions, but your emotions are you. They belong to you. They are a small part of you, by no means something you should identify yourself as being. It's like looking at a single drop of water and saying it is the ocean, simply inaccurate. You have to look within. No amount of external approval or affection could ever substitute self-love. There isn't a single being apart from you that can deeply understand you. No one is capable of loving you the way you can love yourself. No one knows each of your flaws the way you do. Any external love is superficial. They can only claim to love what it is they think they know. It is not their fault communication is limited. They aren't capable of knowing everything about you, so they aren't capable of loving everything about you. But you can. Some people try to love you as best they can. Their love is genuine. But it is limited. The love you get from them is only a fraction of what you are capable of feeling. Deep down, you know this. You know there isn't a being separate from you that can love you the way that you desire. You have this longing for great love, a deep connection, mutual understanding, and compassion. These can only come from you. Your ego, the voice in your head. It has to be loving. Of you, of everyone, of everything. Be non-judgmental. Judgment arises from biases, it leads to division. You must seek unity. Not just within yourself, but unity between you and the universe. Once you find true Love inside, you can project it outwards. Through confidence and kindness, you can guide others to find this true love within themselves. Be patient. Don't be discouraged by a lack of what you would consider results. That can lead to frustration and anger, or even sadness and despair. These emotions will just be a hurdle. They aren't bad, they can be transformed into flowers. Nothing is bad, that label arises from bias. Explaining the unexplainable won't be easy. It is like trying to teach someone a new language, things will get lost in translation. It is not your fault, you did what you could with the tools you were given. It is up to the other person to find the meaning that was lost, to read between the lines of what language can't communicate. Just believe that time and dedication will lead to some change. Let go. Of standards, expectations, beliefs, concepts, theories, ideas, thoughts, and emotions. Just be. Be Love.

@Bufo Alvarius I've read this response from Ralston before. I'm still adamant on my perspective that unless you've done incrementally higher doses of synthetic 5-MeO you don't know what you're talking about with psychedelics. I don't even consider LSD or mushrooms or ayahuasca worth doing anymore. And, except for very rare cases, they will never create deep awakenings (unless you've had a true breakthrough and energy-body transformation with 5-MeO before). Ralston also makes the point about drugs not being direct and not being YOU. Here's the mind-bending paradox: Ralston is right. Psychedelics cannot 'induce' Enlightenment. Yet, I came to this realisation whilst having a 5-MeO induced Enlightenment and being directly conscious of myself as Eternal Infinity. Enlightenment cannot be created by a psychedelic because how could it be?! Enlightenment is pure Infinity, it cannot be created or caused by anything else. It is completely and totally causeless. Yet a psychedelic can, at the same, cause or create this realisation. And it is direct, there is no doubt. A true psychedelic Enlightenment is direct. There is no 'indirect Infinity' hahaha. There is no indirect ego dissolution?! Ridiculous. Ralston also is ignorant of the deep permanent changes to one's consciousness + the healing qualities of 5-MeO when used correctly. 5-MeO creates lasting permanent changes, unlike any other psychedelic.

@UpperMaster I know this is going to fall on deaf ears but I'm going to say it anyway. This is what you need to do: a lot of meditation! Perhaps you are not ready for it. Perhaps you need a lot more suffering to understand it. But just remember it. That is what you need. I recommend RSD transformation if you need more details. It is a good course of trauma release and raising consciousness. All those make-shift surface level solutions like porn filters and shit won't work. You are not a kid. Don't treat yourself as a kid. Have respect and love for yourself. Don't run away from the suffering but face it as a man. And how do you deal with those sexual urges? Get into sexual transmutation. Busting your nut is not the only way to get rid of your libido.

If you had read past that first little sentence, you would know that I'm really only talking about a traditional type of spirituality that is generally associated with the world religions (Hinduism, Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, etc.). What I'm not talking about is for example a belief in supernatural phenomena (ghosts, crystals, auras, etc.), or being interested in personal development, or shamanism, or psychedelics. I'm talking about the place that all these non-dual teachers I've mentioned in some way draw their inspiration from or resonate with. The crucial characteristics of that place, along with "the search for the sacred", is a deeply embedded notion of progress/growth/transformation. I happened to go for a stroll on Wikipedia, and they put it like this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spirituality Notice how strongly it alludes to the concept of transformation. This is also tied to the historical origin of the "mythological worldview", which in a very fundamental way created the distinction between "who you are now" and "who you could be", and which arose in tandem with the world religions. John Vervaeke explains this very well here: 10:35 Leo hasn't managed to change his default experience into abiding non-dual awareness, and he has said he is more interested in experiencing deeper and deeper psychedelic states. This specific choice, is what I'm saying falls outside this traditional conception of spirituality.

I've made some major developments with my professional help and trauma healing. Changing my level of consciousness was key in this transformation. Making changes on the level of being, not doing or having was key for me. Changing yourself on the level of being is ineffable and hard to explain; you either get it or you don't; and if you do you don't need an explanation and if you don't you need an explanation and the only way you will get is when you are there. It can only be explained in metaphors, which I will try below. Eventually you want to get from low level of consciousness (LOC) to high level of consciousness. Summary of the two states: High LOC versus low LOC Positive attitude < negative attitude Love < fear Proactive < reactive Giving to others < taking from others Upward spiral < downward spiral Winner effect < loser effect Being a full person < being a broken person Selfless < selfishness Thriving < coping If you are a high LOC person people will perceive you as the sun. You don't have to do anything (like being a nice or interesting person), or have anything (like fancy clothes, better looks, whatever), just your being (LOC) will effect reality. I was really starstruck by this last week; my being (LOC) was changed thanks to something and my reality changed with me. It was really a mysterious moment. People started reacting very different to me, people stopping me on the street to talk to me, people just telling me they like me while I did nothing, I was like "wtf" is happening; I'm not doing anything different. That is what the sun is; it is just being the sun. If you are a low LOC person, you will not feel like a sun to others and yourself but you will feel like a black hole. People want to get away from you and from the pull of the black hole, and you will never be happy because of the phenomenon of hedonistic adaption. A black hole is also being but it is a negative being (low LOC) sucking all life force and material, while high LOC (the sun) is giving; giving life to everything in its orbit. I explained it with these two metaphors because LOC is really difficult to explain in plain text.

When you become a stream enterer, along with self-perceptıon, these 2 will be fully eliminated. Doubt in the path:The experience of stream entry is such that afterwards, it's pretty clear that there is a path to some kind of freedom, and that the path works. You start to see clear patterns in dharma teachings, and see what the patterns point to. It can be more or less vivid depending on the person experiencing it, but the idea that might is all just be a waste of time and that nobody can get results is lost. Magical Luck based Thinking: You stop believing that you can get results without establishing the causes, and that you can avoid results for which you have created the causes. This is often explained as the loss of the belief in rites and rituals; the point there is not that you no longer believe that any rite or ritual could produce a result, but you no longer think that the result is magic: there is a reason why it works, and as a practitioner you are responsible for doing the work to bring about the result. --- I understand the challenge and convincing aspect of your current life. But permanent AND deep transformation is possible Much love