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I know that feeling, it is the fear of dissolving into nothing, the fear of the unknown that dissipates as you face it until it becomes a part of you and now you start missing it, that expanded self that is innately tuned to being direct, authentic and limitless. It's kinda insane, I tuned into what I associated with Christ and Buddha Consciousness too, when I didn't even intend to. Buddha consciousness to me felt like seeing through the source of all fear and distraction to enter a state of tranquility and nothingness. Christ consciousness felt like confessing my authentic feelings, transcending all desires and stories and wanting to save the world, tough I didn't know how exactly lol Makes me feel like a fool every time, it's hard to bear when you realize how stupid and obvious your own distractions are. That every excuse you make, any knowledge you want to gain, is to create an artificial separation and collapse it while being aware of the vanity of the endeavor, since all was available before even doing so. I feel like this world is a training ground and we won't be content until we integrate those experiences into our base state. Beyond that, there are endless experiences that we lose ourselves in, many from the lower chakras and I think we intuitively know that there is at least a part of us that wants to remain, to continue the experience, to get the most out of it, that we are too young for Mahasamadhi and we'd miss experiences if we just transcended to a higher realm, that this type of existence does have its own perks, that there's something that made us come here, that our current resistance is missing parts of the picture, that perhaps the resistance to being here itself might be a problem we want to resolve, or that this type of existence teaches us lessons by us not being able to manipulate the experience directly but only from within the limitation, humbling us in the process. And that on the grand scale of time, we'll leave this place eventually and want to make the most out of it while we still have an ego that benefits from the experience due to its unresolved sense of separation and the return from psychedelic shortcuts. 1. It's a good reflection, sometimes your identity changes, sometimes you revert back, sometimes you progress and find your writing too cringe, or try to modify it to serve the ego. It's nice to have a closer look from during the trip or shortly after before "conscience" kicks in and we face feelings akin to shame from having been as unhampered as we were. 2. Sometimes two steps forward mean one step back, for me personally I often feel that way, but when I look at recordings of the trip and how I used to be before it, I realize massive changes that have simply become the new present, but there's massive difference in the release of trauma and gaining new context and experience that manifests itself less to in the what but in the how 4. You can and should combine both, psychedelics expand your mind but you need to choose the direction and actively take steps to integrate, it also helps to realize what prevents you from doing that in the base state, and the base state itself can be massively leveraged, psychedelics are but a shortcut after all, still a massive one that might mean lifetimes without 5. There is truth for its own sake but there is also love, your own form of love, the self you are, the way you express yourself, that which you feel attracted to, experiences you appreciate, and you can add truth to that to find the authenticity within your experience and expand in the process 7. He commented on mine, I was ecstatic, but that made me aware of how much value I put outside of myself and made me question why I needed external reasons to allow myself the joy, whether I could be like that all the time like Sadhguru or whether it is a state with its own upsides and downsides 8. That's fine, strive to understand more while being attached to less, to contextualize reality in a way that makes sense while being less reliant on any one perspective but instead more in tune, a more expansive ego is better than a narrow one, more awareness is good, as long as it isn't limiting you but any experience itself is growth I believe to have gotten glimpses of that multiple times, I am progressing towards it. It's like detaching yourself from knowledge and identity and letting cosmic intelligence flow through with new life energy changing the perception of reality and life in the process, to modify or rewire oneself top-down, its like externalizing the self to work on it, its like separating everything one believed oneself to be and seeing that one isn't, that one is always morphing, changing. But that's my experience and I cannot be certain if it is what your pointing towards, I am interested in hearing from you.

wasn't nothingness. I have had many times the experience of absolute loneliness and absolute emptiness, as @A Fellow Lighter mentioned . In fact, the first 10 or 12 breakthroughs with 5 meo were just that, something extremely hard. It is something that feels worse than death, it is the cosmic prison where existence is, without any meaning and without the possibility of escape, absolutely alone. not I, the human, but total existence. It is alone, and cannot not exist. It is a realization that produces vomiting and crying. It took me almost a year to get back in there with 5meo, and it was exactly the same, many times, until some openings happened. The other day it happened to me just with meditation and 1 puff of weed, the opening to the absolute emptiness of existence. Since this has happened to me countless times, I find it unpleasant but bearable, over all because I know that there is more. After 4 days , meditating with 1 puff of weed, as I sometimes do, it happened again. then, in the absolute void, existence, horrified as always by the prison that the fact of being means, opened itself. first a little, a faint flow of something. At the bottom of the unfathomable void, the void itself was, and it opened to be seen by itself. then the gap widened, and the void opened, and showed itself as the absolute light of existence. beyond any idea, desire, whatever. reality showed itself as total love (it's hard for me to say that cheesy candy word). absolute simplicity, absolute fullness, there is nothing more, there can't be nothing more. that's all. Hallelujah. the totality manifests itself in its absolute plenitude. I had already seen something like this with 5meo, but not like this, not totally, not that long. It's still here, underneath everything. The feeling is like I'm just a hole from the the things, all the colors, the person, the sensations, emerge, because they are all inside, but they flow, appearing, and what is inside is unfathomable. And I, the person, I'm modulating what appears, like a filter

I've had a few awakenings here and then, mostly on psychedelics, but this Nothingness subject is the hardest for me to tackle, I just can't wrap my head around the intellectual idea, let alone the meta physical aspect of it, I read "God is Nothingness" but i think there is a lot of work for me to do yet, any help would be appreciated.

I had this is experience, if it could be called exeperience when I was 14. Alone in my room. suddenly total Whiteness, no a black-out but a White-Out or White In. and No-Body No-One Just White Nothing.. and in what felt later as a micro-second... a terrible fear.. and then the coming back.. But in the midle of the Nothingness there was no fear, no time and nobody to fear nothing. So my question was in that time, why did " I" came back?? if the Nothingness had nothing to fear why In hell I had came back.. The experience was so terrifing that took me till my 35 to get the courage and the tools to try to reapeat the event.. But the event is never the same.. The nothingness is the same but a different taste of it. Now my aim is to experience the Nothingness of right here rigth now, eyes open with no change in anything in the Reality Bubble. Awake dont happen in going Unconscious. To Die fully conscious of it

@What Am I No, its called União do Vegetal, Santo Daime is more relaxed with their rules, they also add other plants to the brew besides mariri and chacrona, they smoke weed and do rapé after sessions. I have been once but the place was very sketchy, because UDV has more rules they are also more organized. It's so silly, like yeah we drink the most powerful psychedelic in the world even tho christ never spoke about it, like ayahuasca doesn't fit anywhere in christianity, and they go on condemning the use of any other psychedelics, it's a cult, and it's very patriarchal, the people leading the sessions are called mestre (like master) and the women cannot drink the tea alone or have only women ceremonies, only men lead sessions, they are against homosexuals, women cannot prepare the brew when they are menstruating cause they are dirty. I would take it and go within, trashing what didnt serve me. I got into so many heated discussions there lol we used to do sessions inside a community church and on the walls were paintings of women's body, not sexual, one of them was a black women pregnant and her belly was planet earth. They would cover all the walls, and they would let people ask questions in the sessions, whenever someone brought up sex, the covered images, or anything related to women they would just say "we dont talk about that" and meanwhile 50% of visions were naked women or sexual stuff (probably repressed stuff from my subconscious), I used to judge myself a lot, now I think it's beautiful, getting out of the church allowed me to remove the remaining beliefs from stage blue and start seeing my body as sacred. Spirituality nowadays became the new religion, it's funny how the roots of christianity are still ingrained in all of our minds. I do have a lot of visions, I never broke through with 5meo dmt, but I've tried it many times, apparently I had a high tolerance and was afraid to pump up the dose, I even went to a Martin Ball lecture to ask him, he told me to try salvia that would help break my mind open, then I stopped trying, the experiences I had before were too intense and reality shattering. After doing 5meo whenever I smoked weed, it would bring me back to the experience, like people are just figurative and didnt really exist and my vision would distort, I would look around my room and it was like a perspective drawing, I could see the nothingness behind everything, and I felt like reality was made of plastic lol like a scenario where they record a show or movie, I was getting Truman Showd lol then I went through a depressive phase of solipsism, nowadays I see how much that helped me with being more authentic. So funny you talked about bird, it reminded me of one of the times I did 5meo, I snorted and laid down, it was like the electrical current of the substance was more than my body could handle, I basically stopped breathing, but at the time I didn't have the knowledge that breathing is a construction of the mind, I got up desperate and went outside for air, when I went outside I started hearing this really loud noise inside my head, then I looked up and a bird was flying really really high, but at the same time the sounds of its wings flapping were inside my head, my mind was creating the bird and the noise, and not only I could hear him but I could understand the mechanism of the wings, it was like the bird was there just for me, to witness. A couple weeks after that I was putting gas in my car and it hit me really hard, that when I left my apartment the apartment cease to exist, unless I was there to witness, my mind was creating the apartment, the apartment was in my mind. I'm still integrating all of that, it was 5 years ago and it has never left me, I stopped thinking about what people think about me, because there is only me, I call it sacred fuck it. I wonder hjow it would be if I broke through.

@bambi I've had the party and still deal with the sex one, cocaine also got me very sick at some point, sugar and my phone are other ones but more socially acceptable. Oh wait, are we competing who is more addicted I just love the desperate, neurotic and addicts, whenever I coach people who have all the labels from society like depression, addiction, anxiety, TDAH, OCD etc, the way I see is that they are feeling all of that because they are alive, they are ready and ripe for change. While the calm people just seat there in front of me like a sheep waiting for me to take lead on their lives and tell them what to do, they are calm cause they are asleep, the body is moving but there is no one there. Some people die before they die, those are the calm ones, the anxious people are ready to go and make the moves, to change the world. The body is so wise, all that we feel, darkness, anxiety, addiction or whatever is basically our body communicating with us, if we know how to channel the energy and do the alchemy, this very darkness will be the raw material of our future life, we call it materia prima in portuguese, that is how we create, without friction there would be nothingness. I consider the weirdos more normal than the conformists sheep that are all calm, like wtf look at the world burning, how can you be so calm and collected? The anxious ones are the ones that are most aware, they are anxious because they care.

Like you can call nothingness zero. Or you can call nothingness 1. And you will be logically correct both ways.

I see a lot of back and forth and disagreement between “non dualists” and Leo and what he’s doing/teaching. It seems Leo has dropped non dual study and teachings and is much more interested in exploring consciousness for its own sake. The non dualists like Water By The River and Osaid are saying this is going deeper into Maya, Illusion and is thus pointless while Leo is saying they are lost in non dual brainwashing. I see it like this; the spiritual path of awakening has been laid out and mapped by many mystics and traditions. Many can follow this and realize it (to various degrees) and awaken as much as possible in this life (awakening just being how deeply they are in the infinite stillness or nothingness) This is the original wisdom and spiritual path. This is what I and others here (the “non dualists” resonate with) Then you have these powerful psychedelics which can show you aspects of infinite mind never before seen or available. 5MEO and other psychedelics are relatively new. And what Leo is doing is basically being a pioneer in this study. He’s like the Lewis and Clark of consciousness. A very cool and courageous exploration. I admire that. But it’s still mind, it’s still “Maya” albeit fascinating and mind blowing aspects of it. The question is not whether one is right or wrong but what you are interested in. Why is non duality more “right” than consciousness exploration? Personally I have no interest in exploring all the nooks and crannies of mind, I’d rather kick it on the beach and soak in the bliss of Being and Master that, and teach it. But that’s my preference. So let’s appreciate Leo’s exploration and bear the fruits of his insights rather than throw tomatoes at him. One Love BlessedLion

I hate lentils. They're annoyingly difficult to cook right and they taste like nothingness. Just eat Tofu instead for Iron, calcium, protein.

https://youtu.be/88_A-cg2PY8?si=GZyR-ahJMIFdXRfL Humans will destroy themselves for a long time before nature does have fun humans. The jokes are on you creedy little humans nature always finds a way. And your answer little monkey mind would be yes the planet can take it so what's the problem? Well, pinhead yes the planet can take it but by the same token, I doubt you will be humans if you keep going down this path of greed. And all your precious little human fancy cars fancy lives, and all that bullshit shit you feed your little minds and all your infantile silly human platitudes and attachments will mean naught. Overfishing overpopulation and greedy little humans are just some of the problems. None of you donkey minds know what real fear is so don't try to act as if you do. Listening to the egos at play saying it makes you more mature because you believe you are enlightened. You wouldn't have the balls nor guts to stand up to your own shadow that's for sure. I Love how you humans talk about wars why don't you grow a pair and get out there on the front line? You lily-livered little Kretins the lot of you. Just the idea alone would have you poltroons quaking shaking and quivering convulsing in your pusillanimous bull shit. Ignorance is bliss and it can also be hell. "I am not surprised that some members should disrelish your exposition " The word impossible does not exist for God just like non-existent. A very subtle way of jailbreaking your mind-expanding. How do you know there is something that said nothing? Mind is just an infinite thought away. Nothing didn't know it was something until it became something. For nothing to ever have happened something had to have happened. Wake up to the fact you are dreaming The same substance infinite arrangements flavors it can reinvent redefine regiment regionalize reogment all within itself forever. It creates the elusion of an elusion Infinity was always possible just made impossible. Yes, something that has unlimited power can be deduced the most efficient way, but all ways would be just as efficient because you are limitless in everything. If one can dream up a flee just as easily as the universe you see where I am going with this. What has it been using too much brain power? Infinite thought energy infinite imagination everything. Why would it have to conserve power? Yes, it can create the most efficient way but it's a dream. Every way is possible. It sounds like a robotic linear way of thinking. Maximizing minimizing? These are human concepts See it needs to put more output in than input. It's infinitely unlimited. But you see you already are the most efficient mind why would you worry about any of these things if one is infinite. It's already infinite input and output. What is too literal in thinking way too logical. You're limiting yourself why? Conservation of what thought? This would be a self-imposed limitation. Nothing can beat the raw power of infinite thought/imagination. You have to have some balance of goodwill and rascality to you. More Beneficence I would say. Even if an Alien race invented a supercomputer as big as the known present Universe it still could never be as expansive as Infinite intelligence. For that computer, one would need a whole universe full of Suns to run it. A billion Suns a second just to power it most probably would take decades to fully power it up. Nothing can beat infinite pure thought imagination is the only reality. Stem cell therapy, What are the pros and cons, the legality and ethical reasons, and so forth and so on? It should not only be available for the rich and powerful but for all humanity. Stem cell transplantation has revolutionized the treatment of various life-threatening diseases, offering hope and healing to patients worldwide, and is still very much in its infancy. The choice of the best country for this life-saving procedure depends on many factors, including medical expertise, healthcare infrastructure, success rates, and regulatory frameworks. With that said the United States, Mexico, Japan Panama, India Germany, Singapore, etc are some at the forefront of this research, as for moral and ethical ramifications that is for you to decide for yourselves. And one really has to come from an unbiased frame of reference. How many terminations of pregnancy are in a year worldwide? I will leave it there. I think I wrote this 3 years ago. From the top down this could be infinity dividing infinity by Infinity. Every fragment keeps dividing itself and it becomes an infinite self-replicating process of subdividing itself forever and ever. How does pure nothingness create from an empty void? How can one imagine all things and everything from a blank slate? if there is only a blank slate to work from? Into infinite complex shapes worlds everything you could ever imagine and things you could not even begin to comprehend as a finite mind? Was it always omnipotent before it was? omnipresent Can I answer this now after 3 years of course I can. Or it is whatever you want it to be Infinite imagination can create anything because it is so infinitely malleable that there is no meaning to anything but whatever meaning you give becomes a reality of infinite realities. In other words, it is pure infinite magic of unlimited imagination. Cross-platform gaming comes to mind. .

I had a deeper interpretation of the picture. The visual field represents part of the reality that you are viewing and the black space represents the nothingness of your visual field. If you look at your bed and then turn your back to it, the bed becomes that black nothingness. But it really isn’t black. When you turn around, your bed becomes the visuals of colors and shapes. @Leo Gura is this what you mean by the external world being infinity/nothingness?

@Leo Gura Okay. That’s what I thought. It sounds like there is an external world but it is nothingness/infinity. I am still not sure what this means but it helps to explain how there are other minds and things outside of my perception. Even though my perception is limited, it is still absolute. I could go blind and deaf, but that does not mean that the visual/auditory worlds have stopped existing. It just means that my access to the visual and auditory worlds consciousness are impaired/limited. It is the classic tree in the forest question. I would say that the sound is occurring and not occurring because infinity holds all possibilities, it is just that there is nobody to perceive sound. But if there are no perceivers of sound, it seems like the whole meaning of the existence of sound changes because our brains create sound qualia out of sound vibrations/waves.

All this banter reminds me of the interview when Leo asks Peter Ralston "Is something beyond the absolute?" and Peter says "No." And then just laughs: "You can't get more absolute than absolute. You can't get more infinite than infinite." To me it will always come back to this. Ground zero. Nothingness. Infinity. God. That's what it is. Everything else is banter and bullshit within Gods Mind. That's what my awakenings have shown me, at least.

late-delivered flat-earth buddhist-rat pizza with string-theory-cheese consciousness and triple topping of nothingness , sogged by poseidon's kiss, served on your stepmom's coffee table as she's sleepwaking with a Google Cardboard VR headset

God is Intelligence. So no way around that one. But keep in mind that most "smart" people are pretty dumb when it comes to matters of God. God's intelligence is something else. But then you could miss out on amazing stuff by your own lack of faith in yourself. You have no idea what you are capable of. You can realize Nothingness, but the God I speak of is something else. Again, I am not saying you need to fit human notions of "smart" to realize God. But you do need a certain intelligence to see through your own illusions, constructions, and self-deceptions. I am unsure how much of that is genetic vs acquired. Probably some combination.

So God is limited to "smart people"? That can't be right. Then I should quit spirituality right now. @Leo Gura even recommended a book called "God is nothingness". You don't need to be smart to realize nothingness right? A chimpanzee could realize nothingness surely. And especially a rock could also.

All the atoms, prisms, networks I imagine to codependently originate each other's existence through this experience, they all fold onto each other, twirl around, turn upside down, this sun that was shining outside of itself now turns inwards and lights itself up. I am exactly where I need to be. All the action I have to take to make a change, I know it, the vivid alien openness that I'm afraid to enter, it's there. I use my karma as an excuse, irregardless of what I am invited to observe. I have to let go of all the ties that make me, or dissolve all the knots I have made through my life or all the potentials and problems left unhandled. All of these ideas themselves don't bind me, only I do using them as an excuse. To learn more, to experience more, to understand more, to distract myself more. There is this overwhelming inner light, and whether it's death, or a barrier, or change, or nothingness, it's the singularity where everything originates. I am humbled, inadequate, using negative terms to bind me so that I do not enter that new dimension. In the end, it is fear.

Contextualize, reframe, synergize, connect, expand, encompass, simplify, interconnect, holonize It's like I have The Library of Babel inside me. Nothingness and Infinity are creating reality from both sides. Infinity is all energy, all 1s. Nothingness is emptiness, all 0s. And 1s and 0s form bites which encode information. So I have all the information and can see the connection between each two qualia, through the dimensions as a pattern. And there are infinite patterns codependently arising and creating each other. Patterns are in-betweens and their own absolute. Everything is a pattern and certain arrangements create certain phenomena. But I'm getting lost in the library. Every word connects to every other word. Every word tells a story and creates vivid associations with 1000 other words which each do the same and it never ends. And I'm left to wonder how in the world I am able to memorize this infinitude of things through individual relations and not go crazy if I happen to forget one, but what's even crazier, the idea that I cannot forget any, and yet I can paint the landscape any way I want by new connections. But in reality, I'm walking in circles going nowhere, and want to find some higher truth that I can depend on, but I'd only be making up oneself or rely on the endless shuffling of concepts through others to inspire me. Oh well...

Medicine: 150 ug 1P-LSD Intention: Contemplate How am I God, Infinite, Love? And retain more insights after the trip. Background Before this trip I had a very difficult experience with 4-AcO-DMT, so I decided to take some time to understand what I was going through and integrate better integrate the previous trips. I dedicated myself as well to read some books from Stanislav Grof and James Fadiman to understand more about LSD and other well known psychedelics as well as some other books from Leo's book list about God and spirituality. I also worked on improving my Kriya Yoga techniques and have been observing my micro fears and contemplating how these fears are related to myself. Finally, I contacted a psychotherapist which helped me during some earlier hard phases of my life, because I started to get anxious with the psychedelic trips and some personal stuff started to come during the trips, which I was not being able to integrate alone. The Trip Made all the preparations and took the LSD around 8:00 am, after that I made Kriya Yoga, I managed to get to 30 minutes but I started to feel the effects of the medicine and started to feel a little dizzy. I find interesting that the peaceful and after glow of Kriya some how merged with the effect of the LSD. I also made some Hatha Yoga because the LSD gets me some muscle soreness, and I have realized that Hatha Yoga helps me relax the body and allows the energy to flow better. I then laid down as the effects of the medicine were getting stronger, and started to ask me how am I God? I also started to become aware of the rapid movements of my ego mind and I managed to calm it down. And the I had this very deep insight about Nothingness, it was a very profound insight but I will try my best to describe it. I realized all the limitations that make me believe that I am a person, and realized that I had to overcome them in order to become God. As I realized this I had this vision of my body being fully surrounded by white energy and how all the limitations simply disappeared. And then I became Nothingness, I don't really know how long I stayed in this state as time had no meaning there. It was like if I was in the Void, there was no difference, it was Absolute Nothingness. Later I went to see how many time had passed since I first laid down and I spent at least two hours there. And suddenly I see how I decide to go back to the form and create myself as a tough and as this happens I have this vision that the Nothingness merges again with the white energy of Love like a multidimensional living Yin Yang and it creates a strange loop and I become this strange loop. As I realize the insight I sit there completely shocked and I see how my mind tries to wrap around and make an idea of it which is impossible. I tried to write about the experience and it came to my mind that is impossible to describe Infinity with something finite as words. Nevertheless there are some moments of great inspiration I feel during the trips, here is something I wrote down and I wanted to share: "It is as if God could talk me through music, thoughts, light, in all the many dimensions of the Self and It manages to do it so overwhelmingly good that It leaves me breathless". I became a little agitated because of the magnitude of this insight, so I started to walk around in the apartment and later made some more Hatha Yoga. It felt as if I was a puppet being shown how to make the Yoga positions. I wanted to lay down again and I realized that my ego-self didn't wanted me to do it and became agitated. I realized that I was also contracting my body and opened-up and started to make bilateral symmetrical movements and I managed to calm down. I am really amazed how easy is this technique and yet how helpful it is in such cases. I managed to calm down and relax, I wore some earplugs and tried to be as still as I could. I had one of this Samadhi experiences I have been having with the psychedelic trips. As I relaxed the mind, the limits of my body cease to exist and I literally feel I have no limits, during that moment also experience a lot of Love and it feels as I would elevate and leave my body. I guess that this is the sort of experiences that yogis get after many years of practice. There was also a moment when I felt I could remember who I truly am, not as my ego-self but as the higher Self. I could feel I was Infinite, Infinite Love, Eternal. It was just Awesome! I also realized that there is no such thing as a reference point and that everything is relative, except for the Absolute. As I got this realization I started to feel disoriented and fearful, my body wanted to close again but I managed to remain open, make some bilateral movements, so I could accept the insight and continue tripping. There was also a moment when I was at the kitchen and started looking at a mango, I became fascinated with its different colors and textures and at some point I realized that by concentrating myself on the mango I became the mango haha, I just don't know how to put this in words but it felt like that. At the end of the trip I started listening some music, something I have learned to enjoy specially when I do LSD, and there were some moments that I feel I become the musician playing the instrument and the music. I then went for a walk in to the forest, I felt drawn into the nature, part of me wanted to see the and be part of nature, so I spent a couple of hours walking and flowing with the constant changes of the wind, captivated by the fractal forms of some plants and the beauty of nature, looking the awesome colors of the leaves now that the fall begins here in Europe. Conclusions I felt I had a much more organic trip, as in my previous trips I could not remain so conscious of all the insights I got. I see that working on my fears have helped me go deeper during the trips. There where some moments where I felt I was drawing towards madness, but I saw that the only way I could get over my fears is to face them and that it is a long and slow process. I was reluctant and skeptic to contact the psychotherapist but working on some more personal stuff that has came up during the some previous experiences also allowed me to go deeper during this trip. But then again, it is a therapist that I have known for years, which could accept the idea of me working with psychedelics (even though she may not recommend it or like them) and someone I can also trust. Bilateral symmetry and remaining open is a great technique to avoid getting into anxious during the trip, at least it works for me and I cannot recommend it enough. Something I don't like about 1P-LSD is the muscle soreness and body load it generates, but I could counteract some of it by doing Hatha Yoga, something that may be manageable at least in lower to moderate doses where it is still possible to move around. When I started working with psychedelics at the beginning of the year I was afraid I would not be able to this with my girlfriend around and that it may even cause is trouble, but to my surprise it has been the complete opposite. I have learned to understand her better and to get closer in our relationship. Thanks a lot for reading this and for your comments! Thanks to the great community of Actualized.org and to Leo for his great teachings!

According to some here, Israel should be the first nation ever in recorded history to drop their collective identity and absolve. To give it up to the Palestinians, who will go on to do the same thing and build a national identity. But this is right, because of the Palestinians connection to the land and... identity. We've gone into the spiritual domain now and the question of identity. Why do we identify? Even In @Leo Gura's spiritual framework it's because he chose it. We write these stories, and these stories will continue. Maybe one day we will all slowly dissipate into nothingness. It isn't going to happen overnight.

Artem will take 1000ug of acid or smoke 5meodmt and nothing happens. This was not the case for him earlier in his journey, 50ug of acid was incredibly intense. The issue is it doesnt fit the paradigm of Leos work. He isn't acknowledging the energy fields that encasputlates conciousness: awareness, perpcetion, nothingness. Once once has purified there personal conciousness by aligning with this higher energy fields: i.e. enlightenment, its perfectly reasonable psychedelic woudlnt work, as they only act ona certain energy field.

The ground is flat, flatness, a perspectival distortion, euclidian visualization, imagination, fractal geometry. concepts, words, perceptions, ideas, absolutes, experiences, consciousness, being, projection, recursion, loop, fractal, spiral, meta awareness. What is the ground? A thing, a form, a wave stretched and misunderstood, but separated, absolutized, inverted, made its own thing, an absolute concept, a singularity, a lack, a being, creativity, a newly acquired lens of perception and interpretation, universe reinterpretation, holistic expansion, foundation for creation, fractalization, reality manipulation. But what is it really? Zoom in, matter, more matter, even more matter, waves, energy, forms, fractals, dust, light, waves, emptiness, fullness, nothingness, everythingness, a mirror, self-reflection? What self, everything is a self, there is no self, everything is everything is nothing, but not nothing, because its something, but that something is always a reflection of something else, but that something else is its own reflection, how can that be, two mirrors mirroring each other to infinity, but what's the substance being mirrored, how does form arise from formlessness, or does it? form is form and formlessness is a form, everything is form, non-duality, the aether, the fifth platonic solid, the ground of being, universal frequency, the eternal substrate. The form is the form and is not the form but everything is form and beyond form there is more form, but is it the same form? The fractal nature of existence and meta-cognition, expanding in all directions from where? no where? No! Everywhere! Every point a singularity mirroring every other singularity in existence and separated by psychic awareness, the aether, the ground of connection, invention, a new realization! Two waves overlapping, double slit, wave particle duality, a form of perception, projection, new visualization, self-reflection, intention creation, ever flowing imagination! Observer dependent? What's an observer? Consciousness, what part of it? Every part of it but what is awareness when its lacking? Particle when observed, wave when not? But is it itself not an observer, isn't everything consciousness? Yes, but what is it when it doesn't observe itself, nothing and everything unless someone wants it to be something, The light reflects you, there is no light, there is you, you are the light, there is no you, there is light, there's both you and light and there is neither and that's consciousness for you.

The point of death, fear, collapse, I am continuously circuling around it. The dissolution, transition, inversion through nothingness into pure imagination. A knowing, being, source, formless field spawning desires, conditions, forms. Desires manifest reality, sustain it, splits oneself to experience that self, merges, fusion, ecstasy. Karma, beliefs, frameworks, judgements, preferences, sustaining the growing self, ego, Leo. Desire to know more, a reason to live. Life grows out of itself, building karma in the waiting room out of boredom. Sacred geometry complexities, fractals, expands, diverges, self-reflects. External action comes from internal desires, a projected seperation of self, belief reinforcing itself, materializing as reality, retroactively spawning physical laws to validate previous unconscious action, reinforcing belief in constants, laws, reality. Karma is the memory and physicality acquired by consciousness buying into it's own forward projected imagined dual desires. Desires are self-sustaining, you are not desire, you are not form, you are consciousness. Consciousness spawns all form, dimensions, universes. Consciousness is and consciousness creates. Consciousness forgets and consciousness remembers by realizing it's own self-creation.

So when something concrete arises out of nothingness (=hidden infinite possibility space), then it becomes a conscious experience, right? Higher Consciousness = More hidden things in possibility space become unhidden = more concrete experience But then, how it is decided what exactly arises out of the infinite possibility space ?

I just had my deepest trip ever on these seeds. I think they have as much potential as any other substance. There are physical side effects though, so they’re not for everyone, but they’re completely legal and easy to order online. This is my 5th experience with LSA. I had previously worked my way up to 12 seeds, but this time I only took 7 and it was way stronger than 12. I guess the potency of each individual seed can vary a lot. I took a 5 mg THC sativa edible with it, which is also psychedelic for me. The effects started at around 5 pm. I was hiking in the forest, and felt a sense of oneness with everything around me. I was absolutely flooded with insights about how to better express love in my daily life. I had received similar insights in previous trips, but not integrated them well. This time though, it felt like I really got the message. Then, I laid down in a field and stared at the sky. Usually the visuals on LSA are pretty subtle, but this time they were much stronger, with things looking a bit like they do on a moderate dose of mushrooms. I then dropped down into a neighborhood, a straight road would take me back home, but it was a place I had not been in a long time, so it felt cool and unfamiliar. LSA can have pretty strong time dilation, so it felt like I was walking for a very long time. About 4 hours in, after I had been home for awhile, things started to take a darker turn. I was confronted with levels of existential confusion and complexity greater than I had experienced on other substances before. I saw that my unresolved emotions and lies that I’ve been telling myself were blocking me from breaking through completely. LSA can be kind of like a truth serum that tries to break down psychological defense mechanisms. I wasn’t yet ready to let go completely, so I encountered lots of emotional resistance. About 5 hours in, I started dwelling on the possibility that me and all of reality would someday start exploding forever and never stop exploding. And that since this explosion is still a finite form, it itself would need to explode into Infinity/Nothingness. And any form it could take would still not be the Absolute, so it would need to continue exploding in a never-ending, recursive, unresolvable paradox. This may have just been my mind trying to conceptualize something that’s impossible to conceptualize. Or maybe it was a paranoid delusion, I don’t know. My takeaway was that at least for awhile I should be careful not to dose too high. Maybe I am destined to awaken someday, but it is not yet that time. About 6 hours in, I was able to calm myself down a bit and resume productive contemplation. I’m autistic, so I was trying to understand better how my mind works compared to other people. I became more self aware that I’m still mentally off in certain ways despite being outwardly functional and well adjusted. Things started to wind down and I fell asleep about 2 hours later at 1 am, although I woke up briefly at 3 am and was still tripping. In the future I’ll start a bit earlier in the day. My main takeaways are first: I DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING Reality is so much more vast, complex, and paradoxical than I could have imagined. All human knowledge is contextual, metaphorical, reductive, and imaginary. The second takeaway is that we exist in this human form to master human life and everything that exists here. I believe that this life is some kind of “training ground” for whatever lies beyond in the greater universe. Infinity can unfold in structured, ordered forms or in chaotic, incomprehensible ones. I think that somehow mastering your mind and human life here makes you better equipped to handle these things. So that things can be stepwise and integrated versus an emotionally painful flood.