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About TheAlchemist

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    Turku, Finland
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  1. WOW! Thanks for sharing. Don't know what to make of it yet, but a fresh perspective (for me at least) and will definitely be exploring this more. Some notes: Like a caterpillar squirming in the cocoon, psychology tries to make you get back out of the uncomfortably tight cocoon of transformation to "normalcy" back to "reality", but really you are just left being a dysfunctional, half caterpillar, half butterfly. The mystic tells you to keep going with the suffering and pain, so that you can become the butterfly and transcend the old reality completely, like a phoenix rising from the ashes "This work aims to transform the mind to reject the Ego based self-worth of determination, and thereby replace self-worth feeling with self-awareness. This work is occult through and through and will transform the fool who absolutely wants to be like before into a spirit that merges with the universe, which looks back on the pain and suffering and feels nothing but LOVE for this pain, the pain that made him burn, so that now the Phoenix from the ashes brings light over the world!" Shame destroys you, it is always self-centered thought mechanisms. At it's extreme it can be psychosis, where the panicked ego tries to desperately save self-worth and avoid shame as the ego is being burned - from the perspective of psychology this is a problem to be treated to quickly get you back to being a functioning member of society. From the perspective of mysticism, this is you being freed from hell, transforming into something totally new.
  2. Vegan restaurants/cafeterias, live meditation/yoga courses, satsangs, startup communities usually have a wiff of green, techno/trance clubs and hippie bars plus all kinds of related workshops and facebook groups; cacao ceremonies, holotropic breathwork stuff, wim hoff etc. Also walking tours in bigger cities that have some kind of green theme, climate marches, activist groups, book clubs, natonal parks, festivals, backpacker hostels, volunteer places around the world on helpx or wwoof. Just consistently be around those people, that can be enough. Put in some initiative and you will be well on your way. Most greens are very diplomatic, welcoming and understanding, despite what it might seem online. That being said, I'm still experimenting myself with immersion in green communities to deepen my embodiment of the stage, so I'm no expert.
  3. Just one more thing to consider for the toolbox, really good things have been mentioned already: Try to identify the most triggering moments from your past, those moments that caused you the most shame, and that still cause an emotional reaction in you. Write them down, visualize the hell out of them, as vividly as you can handle. The earlier the memory, the better. It can be really small things, something you might think isn't even worth considering. If you gave some kind of meaning to that event, like "I am a weak person" "I am a failure etc.", it will likely be strongly stuck in your psyche, and it will have been fed by confirmation bias over the years. So even a tiny event, or belief might have snowballed into this massive burden of shame you feel on your shoulders. And then. Take mdma (follow all safety protocols ofc) and as you start to feel more loving towards yourself, go deeply into the deepest, most painful and triggering moment you can remember. Visualize it in extreme detail, where you were, who was there, and most importantly what you felt and what you thought it meant. Drill deep into it, let the emotions come out, it could be rage, it could be laughter, crying, twitching like someone having a stroke. Or you might be totally calm as you process this event. Whatever it is, that's ok. This is a highly intense, but effective process, mdma is used to treat ptsd patients who have such traumatic memories that they cannot go there at all. With the help of mdma, they can see and process the source of the trauma for the first time, without feeling totally overwhelmed by the emotions attached to it. They are healed within a few sessions, and there's no reason why this could not work for more minor forms of trauma or shame that you want to work through. If you don't have access to a psychologist, use a journal for preparation and integration. Might be useful to have a serious friend you can open up to, who would ideally also take mdma at the same time, but do what feels most natural to you. The most important thing is to focus seriously on the emotional work during those few hours. Studying my own shame, I came to the conclusion that it was rooted in my lack of boundaries, my lack of a healthy identity. I was always a shy kid, and we moved around the world a lot. I never developed a healthy sense of identity and boundaries. There were some specific events that resulted from that, which resulted in me carrying toxic shame everywhere I went. I have worked through maybe 80-90% of that and it no longer runs my life. Also, with spiritual work there is a danger, if you don't have a healthy sense of boundaries and identity to begin with, and you carry toxic shame within, starting to dissolve the boundaries might cause more problems. I think it's useful to first build up a healthy sense of identity, a sense of what your values are and who you are etc., and only then deconstruct it. Remember, it is possible to overcome toxic shame and to love yourself again, deeper than ever before. It will take work and lots of commitment though, but making that commitment to help yourself will already make you feel better. Good luck! <3
  4. Thanks, this is helpful. When I would usually do that I would observe the world and say this is all me, but I still would feel that the conglomeration of sensations that I call my body is at least a bit more "me" than the water bottle on my table. This is very subtle in my mind, but it creates a fantasy for the Ego where it thinks it could become it all, when in reality it would become nothing. Seeing the water bottle on the table to be as much "me" as the hand I am looking at, would require me to give up the story and the specialness I have attributed to the body, it would be just another appearance. But now I see what's preventing me from seeing that is my own story and preference for separation. Beautiful Very useful advice, thank you, this will be pasted on top of my trip journal as a quote from peanutspathtotruth Good point, I am questioning if any of my mental activity in trying to make sense of all this is even useful at all. Very interesting, I get a sense of this in meditation, and even now I can get a little bit in touch with this. Fear still appears, but from that pov it is just another attempt at apparent contraction, if I can notice it in the way you instruct, it has less power and reality to it. So this is all there is? This is it? Well what else could there be, this is the realest thing of all. But maybe the apparent other things come to existance as their reality is imagined. With a powerful enough vision, you can make anything happen! You can even create a separate self and a world that seems to be out there! When I look at it from the perspective of there being a "me" who is surrendering the "my" ego for the sake of something bigger, it seems terrifying and limiting, like I am losing something very precious. God would definitely resonate more with limitless, free, inspired etc. I notice that I feel good about giving ideas of myself up in moments of deep meditation, it feels natural, expansive, peaceful. But on psychedelics, I can be faced with it all, while still feeling like a limited separate self. So it seems to require a leap of faith, but I assume in that moment of taking the leap there would be peace love and joy, since so much resistance has been given up. Great questions to reflect on, thanks.
  5. Just saw this movie yesterday, it facilitated so many insights, just bursting into laughter and crying tears of joy/beauty. This scene really hit home for me, it really opens up the opportunity for you to focus in on the "holy moment", along with the characters of the movie. You can have an experience of not only watching the movie, but also recognizing your own role in the experience of the film being created in real time.
  6. Yesterday I was having a very intense psychedelic experience after eating a thc edible. Thc/cannabis, especially in edible format is incredibly intense for me nowdays. I do it very rarely, but in moderate to high doses. I can't even see myself consuming it just to chill out anymore, the nature of it has totally changed for me after taking other psychedelics and doing spiritual practices seriously. So, about an hour after taking it, the intensity just kept ramping up, all kinds of bodily vibrations and rushing thoughts, eventually to the point where I realized this shit is about to get very real and existential. I was watching Leo's guided exercise for realizing you are God video and then contemplating on the topic alone, when it dawned on me. To realize God, I need to give up myself, totally and fully! I was struggling with this idea, even as I was telling myself "yes, show me the truth! I am done, I am ready!". It was a very intense moment when I understood that to realize God I would have to be totally ready to give up my current identity forever, to basically thrust myself totally into the "hands" of God. In that moment I couldn't be sure if I could even come back to being "me" if went for it all the way, and it felt extremely real. I realized how attached I am to this body and to this persona. When I was faced with the possibility of seeing the truth, my bias and my attachment just became crystal clear. I was telling myself stuff like "no please, I want to experience the Love, the God realization, the beauty of life inside this body, this personality, I don't want to give it all up yet!". It felt like I would need to take the ultimate leap of faith, surrendering myself and any ideas of myself totally, to realize God. I wasn't ready in that moment to give myself up for it fully. At least now I know what lies ahead, what it takes to fully realize God. I wrote in my journal during the trip: "May I one day have the courage to give up my own will for God's. This is the ultimate act of faith." Questions: For those of you who have been faced with this choice, did you just give up everything in that moment and surrender yourself totally? Do you think it's best to just jump "in" next time and let whatever happens happen, is there even any use in trying to make more sense of it and only then going for it?
  7. For me MDMA is like being showered with love and LSD is like bathing in love. The states of bliss I feel on MDMA feel somewhat fleeting, like they are coming at me and leaving me, whereas with LSD it feels like the gates of love are opening inside me and I realize the love is there, always available. The Love I have felt on LSD is quite different to the MDMA love. 100x more powerful, with a cleaner feel to it. I'm not sure if it is as "reliable" though, I'm just basing this off of my last LSD trip, which was really my first proper dose with it. Mdma is great to do with other people in a calm setting, especially to work on emotional issues or to connect with someone deeper. LSD is like a 10 hour highly intensive consciousness retreat, face to face with reality, insight after insight just pulsing out of you.
  8. That's true, it's a tricky balance. I think being honest with oneself is crucial. Do I actually understand this, or am I just believing it? As Leo talks about with open-mindedness, there's a certain feeling tone to it. Just believing in something when it has not been experienced directly has an uneasiness to it, whereas when it has been truly understood it feels expansive and natural to go along with it. And on the other hand, not being open to a possibility also makes one feel somewhat uneasy and triggered. It's a tricky thing to balance, not blindly believing in something, but still being truly open to it.
  9. Imagine if Leo made an "All of Reality Explained in 100 hours" video series that had 10 parts, each video being 10 hours long, that would get popular just because of the meme value and epicness of it alone
  10. I didn't notice him being triggered. He was just speaking from the POV of someone seeking to understand. Just saying yes to everything even when it doesn't make sense or resonate for you in your mind will not result in any kind of progress. Blind faith is not useful. It needs to resonate with the mind for the mind to then have enough interest to look into it more through 1st person experiential means.
  11. Video will be out tomorrow, save your juices guys.
  12. Or maybe society made us believe femininity is weakness. And spiritual activity has aspects of both the feminine and masculine in it.
  13. Cold countries have cold people, and "colds" spread the most there. Coincidence? I think not Historically virus borne diseases have been a bigger problem in colder countries, whereas warmer countries have struggled more with bacterial and parasitic diseases. Diseases caused by viruses, such as "colds" spread with close contact, whereas parasitic/bacterial diseases from infected water or malaria, don't really disincentivize being warm and close with strangers. So people in cold countries might have become cold as a survival strategy to avoid colds. Then the whole culture developed around that, and since it kept working fine even coming into the industrial and information era, it has lived on. And that could be why we use the same word to refer to these three different things. Just speculating ofc