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@meta_male I wish you health and healing brother! It is unimaginably hard, and I even can't find anything to say. Let me mention that I frequently fall into the depression and sometimes suicide seems very attractive option to me. In such times, I try to practice acceptance that everything is fucked up with my life, and then I remind myself that 'this is the situation that I don't have anything to lose, so why not to try again? why not to try to improve and to see what happens just for the sake of curiosity? given the fact that death will come to me one day, then why accelerate it?' Maybe this can work a bit for you.

This thread doesn't seem to be very useful since 1. You will NEVER suicide. 2. You will NEVER lucid dream or will only have one unimpressive one in 2 years, the rest of your nights bringing disappointment and 3. You will not have sex. What's the plan here?

Earth is capable of housing 100 billion people easily. That would never happen. Humans are not that dumb to basically commit suicide by engaging in nuclear warfare. I doubt anything like this could happen un decades. Launching missles is still a very expensive process. A missle couldn't hold that much cargo in first place.

@Majed sadly awakening just made me suicidal, i hate life. i once realized the bubble is all and i was in peace and once i feel back into "life" well it just went downhill now im looking into moving to canada so i can get euthanized... i always kinda knew shit would turn sour for me and i wouldent make it leos videos can fucking help you immensely his advice is very bold and deep, but are you willing to do the work? im not... i rather just die i dont wanna keep trying. in my case leo isnt talking to me i shouldent listen to him. thats me cant speak for others... and to add more context, im bipolar im a veteran who never adjusted back into normal life. I def am emotionally unstable especially when it comes to work.... the best thing i can do im doing, and i fucking hate it. and leo does warn about the ego twisting the teachings, im proof of that i use a lot of what he says to justify my suicide... selfishness is self defeating is a good one i like to use. welp the ego just is hardwired to self destruct!

Unconditional love is not conditioned. Saying if somebody commits suicide, where is unconditional love is a conditioned response. You're implying unconditional love only relates to certain conditions. Nothing is exempt.

This is not a coincidence. God planned everything to make my life horrible. Why? What is the point? I could live a nice life and engage in spirituality. I had lived much pain anyway, that was enough. Pain should not exist. For example, dragon does not exist. So there are things that do not exist and pain could be one of them. If somebody commits suicide, where is unconditional love?

Of course there is hamas in west bank. This is the whole point of why Israel arrests people there. That is why IDF is securely co-operates with the Palestinian Authority, out of a mutual interest of both sides to prevent hamas from growing there to the monsterous dimension it was in the early 2000's with the suicide bombing he did in Israel every couple of days.

For five years, I've been on a journey exploring spirituality. I used to not believe in anything beyond what science could explain, but then I found Leo & he talked about some really interesting ideas, like how there is not a 'self' controlling everything inside us. He also talked about using psychedelics to explore the mind and Reality. Trying mushrooms changed everything for me. It made me realize there's more to reality than just what materialism teaches.. I started meditating & tripping and having these amazing Enlightnment experiences, even connecting deeply with God a couple of times. But when I'm not in a spiritual state, I'm not sure if what i experience is God. I believe it's God but i can't know for sure in this current state. Lately, I've been through some really hellish, horrible & nonsensical experiences that have made me question whether God even exists. It feels like suffering has no reason at all & it's completely senseless & d*mb, and it's hard to see any purpose in it. Why would a wise, all-knowing God let that happen? Why would God let people suffer enormously (rape, torture, crappy situations, health-problems, suicide) for no apparent reason at all? It's not my problem that God allows suffering. My problem is that God allows senseless, Nonsensical suffering that seems to serve no purpose whatsoever. Sort of the suffering you would expect a d*mn mechanical Universe to generate. Suffering that doesn't stop & makes you wanna tear everything to pieces & end your life. It also bothers me that most people (not to mention all the other animals) never get to experience or understand God. And it's not great at all that I only feel close to God when I'm on drugs & i am always confined in this very limited, stupid state. All this seems very depressing and has made feel disillusioned with Leo's work. Nothing makes sense anymore.

I have been working with a career coach, a life coach, and an employment agency on this issue. Here is what I came up with. I know what my top picks are in terms of career choices, but for the most part they are unavailable. for example, I could be a full time chess teacher, but these jobs are rare. I would have to move to New York, and it would make it difficult to pay for housing. Secondly, I would be interested in joining a think tank, but this requires both a bachelors degree and that I move to Washington D.C. It doesn't make sense for me to get away from my family before finishing my education. The area of social work I am most interested in is research at a macro level. I would like to use my research to inform policy decisions. This is similar to what I would be doing at think tanks. I would like a job that requires me to constantly learn because I seem to crave intellectual stimulation. The employment agency said that they would help pay for my tuition. I would require at least a master's degree and possibly a doctorate. If I go down this path, then I would like to finish my book about mental illness and society. My dream is to reform the educational system to include emotional mastery and thus prevent suicide, but I don't know how to go about this goal. The best I could find was volunteering for NAMI so I could go into schools and discuss my history with mental health challenges. There are all kinds of things I enjoy studying, but I don't like the career prospects. I like philosophy, sociology, and psychology, but social work seems to have the better career prospects.

@Hardkill I know there is more of your country and, to a lesser extent mine, pro-genocide. Not democratic voters, but the country as a whole. Not disputing that, the countries are almost fascist. Just like if there is some terrorist incident in America, Israel or England as a result my response will be oh, well you supported/committed genocide so what did you/we expect, consideration for human life? A bit like the Russian club, I was sitting there thinking, why is this news again after two years of Russia bombing a civilian population in Ukraine? Sorry I looked at the video for a while, but I can't stand that man. Usually, his takes are simplistic and at face value. Its a genuine flaw of mine that I need depth, certainty/understanding, and I realize not everyone speaks like that. It's more convenient, so nobody challenges it. I understand that and accept that. That's how the left has become the weak ineffective thing it is today. Convenience. Its also why the world follows along right-wing think tanks that are leading us to a burned-up planet and perpetual war. Which the democrats mostly embrace also as they are on the right. There are a variety of ways Biden could reduce the power of a single lobby. I imagine its done already for certain groups trying to form together. It certainly is for any third party trying to form, and then people say 'oh its the system', well yeah, that is the point. If America wanted to, it could create a system where a single group of people don't have you in a chokehold over policies. The trouble is Biden wants to be in that chokehold because he agrees with it, and so does a significant percentage of the population. So is it a choke hold, or is that just window dressing to make you all feel good for backing genocide? BTW this is still probably electoral suicide among his own voters, and yeah another push past the center-right for the Democrats. If you look at the political compass your country falls way past center: Here is the 2020 reading https://www.politicalcompass.org/uselection2020 Now we can see why genocide is not only tolerated but supported, by a true reflection of where your country and mine if you search around on the left bar there, fall on the political compass. The entire world has shifted to the right, a great distance. I wonder where the next reading will be, off the scale?

Japan's issues are as much due to its culture and not just porn. It's not 50 years ahead of anything. It's funny how American conservatives literally think things are true and believe it's true. But then you American conservatives, because you literally think crap in your brains as facts without evidence, would not see the truth. Japan actually bans the showing of genitals, which is not done in Western porn. In quite a few cases Japan is quite behind the West. There is no suicide forest in the USA for instance.

Been meditating quite often now for a few months and the desire to off myself just keeps getting stronger and stronger. You could argue that I should take a break, but I cant even enjoy anything anymore. You could say im going through the dark night of the soul. All I do is distract myself from not killing myself, like browsing the internet all day. After I have meditated for like an hour the motivation to do it is even stronger. I know that this is the process of the whole spiritual work, but I dont even see a point for existence. Whenever I was happy, that didnt matter. It was actually a satisfying point of view. It was freedom. But now I almost need a reason for living or I dont see the purpose anymore. You guys are probably gonna reply with something that im already aware of, but usually when its get reminded im more motivated to get my shit togehter. Problem is though whenever I do try to get my shit together, I just crawl back like a fucking moron. Done this for years.

@mmKay Ok that is a valid point. I thought if you are German and just live your life, contributing to Germany, you are ok. But if you don't participate at all in any activity there could be some serious issues with gestapo. It's not like North Korea but at the end of the war it got more and more dangerous. Regarding to this topic I remember a personal story: My great grandfather lead a prisoner of war camp and got kicked out of his position because Nazis thought he would threat these prisoners too nice. He was traumatized and never recovered from this violation of his honor. He once begged my grandfather to send him a gun to shoot himself after he knew Germany will lose the war. He finally died at the end of war in a psychward, it was official suicide (but who knows). So it can go in the wrong direction if you really don't participate. You will not be shot immediately but circumstances like destroyig your career can lead to depression and suicide. It was known that Hitler sent unliked generals personally a handgun as a signal that they had the last chance to shoot themselves so they can at least die in honor. Otherwise the gestapo will finish the job. But these generals really did something wrong. There was always a serious issue. Just having a different opinion than Hitler on military issues was not dangerous.

Are you trolling for real? If you don't agree with the teachings, why to join? I don't think you realize that you will constantly be repressed by the ideas told to you which you know are not worth believing in on a regular or even daily basis. This is like a mental suicide. Idk man. Immagine not knowing what to do in life and for some reason picking up a jihad even though not agreeing with their idea which you will have to follow because you joined. Or waste 40 years in a bhuddist monastery even though you don't believe in the core idea proposed to you and you don't see the truth in it. I feel this post is so insincere, mediocre and childish. For your innermost belief of reality you are going to substitute it with something you think is dogma... 10/10 300 IQ trolling dude.

@Leo Gura I give you an analogy from pickup scene Women have their moral, value, norms and rules they follow. Until they meet a giga chad and women will willingly throw all these away for him and adapt to his frame and ideology. It's not rational, it's not logical. Pure biology.That's exactly with Hitler and the Germans . Hitler was hypnotizing everyone, women closed to him began suicide if Hitler gave them not enough attention. Hitler was celebrated as a rockstar like no one in history, people worshipped him like a god. Without Hitler, Nazis never would arise this way. Almost Everyone was converted to a Nazi to a degree. Conservative, leftist doesn't matter. They all were proud to live in these times and blindly follow Hitlers command. He was seen as savior of Germany. Some Nazis surely would see him as savior of humankind. Saying it is necessary to be conservative to become a Nazi..you underestimate Hitler and his power over germans.

In Leo's case I believe this is a genuine personality quirk and non-harmful. Can't really vouch for his copycat minions though. I've been in a similar position as this member before. I understand the appeal of high consciousness suicide out of genuine love. As a part of a human tribe, I'm supposed to act outraged and denounce something so "dangerous" but I am too conscious for that. Death = Love, and I mean that as literally as possible. At the same time, I love life. I love this human experience. I do not want to bring pain upon my (imaginary) family and friends, who are also me. So I choose to live. As does Leo, and most people who have stood at the edge of this cliff. We choose life out of love for all of this, not out of fear of loss or being outraged at oblivion. With high enough consciousness, it's inevitable that you must face Death head-on. Reconciliation of Death is a necessary part of Turquoise. But in no way does this guarantee suffering and destruction and loss. You can peacefully resolve Death, alone, in the comfort of your bedroom (chemical assistance optional but encouraged ), and resume life with a smile. Same lol. Genuine Turquoise is happy to be Green, Orange, Blue, or even Red. Dynamic range & flexibility. No resistance. I'm finally starting to learn. True detachment = indiscriminate embrace of everything. It's not about rejecting this or that. That's amazing. Explore Turquoise out of curiosity, to deepen love for what you already have. Laugh away the idea of escape. I understand this very intimately. Following Leo, there is this prevailing concept that "humanity = bullshit" If you place too much stock in human affairs, you get dragged into the illusion of finitude and limits which is fundamentally antithetical to Infinity/Limitlessness/GOD/Unconditional Love/Being. And though this is entirely true, I believe Leo fails to emphasize that humanity also = brilliance and beauty. Of course he is aware of such, but he probably has a block in expressing this publicly, since he is more fond of his role as the "bullshit detector" All of my awakenings and moments of transcendence only further deepen my appreciation for humans. I haven't tripped balls in a while but after every single trip EVER, I have consistently come back to earth with a renewed sense of appreciation and respect for all humans. These days I get this sharp PANG of gratitude doing the most mundane things such as listening to music, eating food, driving my car, having a conversation. Seeing my small role in this giant interconnected web, the effort put forth by every node in the network (unique individual people), the hardship, the overcoming, the loss, the triumph, the conflict and wars, the teamwork and philanthropy. I could cry right now if I think too hard about the flawed perfection that is the human condition. Reading the kind of person you are here, I have no doubt that you will share my experience. I believe this is a necessary phase. A door you must walk through, but not a room to stay in. Depending on your capacity for LOVE, this phase can last as little as 5 seconds. People just loop on this negativity because their LOVE is not yet strong enough. This doesn't have to be you. LOVE is a choice. Take your time. I had this from age 16 to age 24, a good 8 whole years lol. Now I don't even see humans as "having consciousness" When I see someone engaging in degeneracy, self-sabotage, complaining, drama, toxicity, or overall negativity, it doesn't compute to say they "have low consciousness" and that I somehow "have high consciousness." They're just doing their best. As am I. There is only One Consciousness. It is not "had" by anybody. "People" are composed of Consciousness. Imagine the planet Jupiter, let's pretend this is Consciousness. The dense storm swirls we see on the surface of this planet is like humans. We humans are a cluster of high-density pressure manifesting a shape on the surface of this unifying sphere. These storm swirls have different shapes and temperaments. Sometimes they clash, sometimes they unite into one superstorm. The whole time, the planet itself is never in danger. It is inviolable. It is the stage upon which the characters perform. And how can you blame another storm for being extra fierce? That guy that bothers you is identical to you. Of course, taking any of this on as a belief is antithetical to truth. Stage Turquoise is about feeling that connection with all humans in real-time. No thoughts, no beliefs. No spiritual gurus spoon-feeding you frameworks. I'm honestly still pretty lonely, but I harbor zero ill will towards anybody else and I blame nobody for the way I feel (other than myself at times, but even there I am learning to be kinder to myself). You're certainly ready for psychedelics. Just be careful with setting & legality.

Not Wanting to Move to Stage Turquoise I have been thinking lately about how there is a part of me that doesn't want to move to stage Turquoise. I think much of it has to do with how currently, my stage Yellow and stage Green tendencies are manifesting in a healthy way and I have addressed much of the excesses an limitations these stages have by integrating the other stages. As I was journalling about my lines of development and ways I could improve, I often caught myself thinking *why fix something that isn't broken?* I also feel like society is stunting me a little bit in the sense that since most of society is in Blue, Orange, and Green, whie there is a need for Yellow due to the infighting of the 3 stages, the need for Turquoise hasn't revealed itself just yet since we still need to go through Yellow first. I think I've had some negative experiences with Turquoise on this forum. Some of it includes the stage Turquoise hedonism of constantly seeking deeper and deeper awakenings, a forum member committing suicide to join with infinity about 3 years ago, and how in my spiritual journey I got attached to detachment which didn't end well because I jumped ahead to transcendence before integration. Also, just generally speaking, I have a happy and fulfilling life that I don't feel the need to transcend in order to escape from it. I'm also nervous at the thought of transcending my own sense of humanity. I've seen people on this forum get rather misanthropic and cynical about humanity and human nature after having awakening experiences. I don't want to build up a spiritual ego unintentionally which is why I think it's so important to be solidly Yellow and be able to understand, empathize, and relate to the other stages. There is a prayer that my friend says to herself that she shared with me which is something along the lines of "Lord give me enough power and authority so that I can help the people around me, but not so much to where I will be corrupted by the weight of that power and authority." In a sense it's asking for protection from the self deception and selfishness that can cause corruption in the event when one gets power and authority. I feel the same way to a certain extent when it comes to moving to stage Turquoise. Moving up the spiral isn't inherently good especially if it's done prematurely due to things such as having a shaky foundation and brutal ego backlashes. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm nervous about the ways that stage Turquoise can manifest in corrupt ways which is why I don't want to force anything. I have journaled a lot as to my step back from spirituality in order to focus on more foundational topics before. Here are some posts that i wrote like 3 years ago detailing some of the negative experiences and messaging in queston: I understand if this is not a step that I'm ready to make yet and how I just want to enjoy my life with the way that it currently is. But also, I do see the benefit of challenging and pushing myself. Despite my negative experiences with Turquoise, I can recognize that it too can manifest in healthy ways and that it can be practical and not take away from your sense of humanity, rather it can further enhance it. I guess if I had to draw an analogy, it would be how stage Orange masculinity thinks that moving into Green will compromise their masculinity instead of realizing how learning to be open and mature with your emotions and self expression enhances masculinity instead. I have had the experience of Turquoise expanding on my sense of humanity before on the cognitive and moral lines. And also, looking back at some of the other posts that I linked above, I think a lot of the negative Turquoise things I was reacting to was coming from people in Turquoise who haven't fully integrated the other stages and as a result have some sort of reaction to them. Take for example how some people feel frustrated that other people aren't as conscious as them. Sure, I can understand the lonliness and the annoyance that can come from people dealing with petty human affairs, but at the same time I feel like if you come from a more integrated place, you're less likely to react to those feelings of lonliness and annoyance with the attitude of *everything in society is chimpery and ego and 90% people are awful.* Because while you're not in those lower stages anymore, since you have gone through them completely, you can still empathize with other people and their petty affairs and still see depth and meaning in that. I think while it's good that I can understand the dangers of spirituality and pre-mature transcendence, I think I need to be careful about that turning into a limitting belief. Yes, it was a good idea for me to take a step back in the past because spirituality was getting rather unhealthy for me, but also, I'm not in the same place as I was back in May 2021. I am coming from a much more secure, stable, and more integrated place mentally, emotionally, and in terms of my life situation. Yes the concerns are valid, but my conditions and capabilities have changed as well to better accommodate higher teachings. And it's important to acknowledge my growth and challenge myself rather than thinking that I'm less developed than I really am and thus holding myself back.

Yes. It's highlighting the point. The region they come from defines how they act, it doesn't make it healthy. If I had grown up in a city and joined a gang and was still in one I'd be talking to you in a certain way. it wouldn't be healthy for a normal life, but it'd be how I had to be to stay in the gang. We can do the same with anything, jobs, careers, abusive relationships, war-torn countries, poverty. It's still a choice to push one way or the other, no matter what is in front of you. That's often the only choice we get. You can choose in life to divide or to unite. Bring things together or pull them apart. In its simplest form, that's what people do. Act in a fear-based reasoning or the opposite. I will add that things can always get worse. We can do a few scenarios, but the region is unstable, on the present course these come to mind: 1) You can always hate someone more. It's a gradient, in what you are willing to do. People are willing and need to be more hostile towards israel for their own domestic population's expectations, their friends and families are dying. Meaning more aggression against trade routes, borders and sabotaging Israel where they can. (Also against America and the UK for backing them) 2) America keeps going isolationist - BRICS becomes ascendant, and Iran crushes Israel because nobody cares about them anymore. 3) They create 200,000 new suicide bombers. 10% of the Gaza population. There might be many more than that if enough fanatics are grown because of the genocide in other countries or regions. People still talk about the Jewish genocide 80 years later. Do you understand the time scale of these things? We talk about some cultures thousands of years later. 4) Israel's leadership is no longer considered sufficient, it needs to be more militaristic for a population that has come to expect it, and so generates a worse outcome in the region and a wider regional war. 5) Same as above, but with more religious leaning, we get an even more conservative religious government in Israel, making further problems more likely dealing with other faiths, not less. If violence achieves the aim, then violence will be used again. 6) Another country declares war on Israel for slowly starving 2 million people and causing a refugee crisis nearby. - A wider regional war. 7) Sanctions are put on Israel, and the country regresses. I'm favor of this one right now, leveraging it to create a peaceful outcome. 8) You know BRICS are going to use this for decades to hit the west with. In every way you can conceive, and who can blame them? Only China will need to be careful, as they've got plenty of skeletons in their closet. 9) And this one is all but assured. If Israel is allowed to genocide Palestine, it creates opportunities for other countries to do so. Everyone that does it, normalizes it. China has done a fair bit of this in recent decades, which was always banned to talk about, which made the problem hidden and worse. - America invading Iraq the second time, was quoted by Russia and Israel in their own wars as an example. Russia fighting its wars gave central asia the greenlight for their own, it made Turkey and Greece start looking at war again, the same with the Balkans etc. War creates more war. Suffering creates more suffering. You pick to divide or pull things together. - At the moment you are choosing division and suffering, and to hear it from you surprises the hell out of me to be frank.

I'm thinking of starting a journal here. I have many unexpressed/repressed sentiments, and an often burdensome sense of personal space, so this seems like the perfect place to push my boundaries. I was going to name the journal something like "Crisis Mid-life", but I'm planning to extend this beyond any single issue, so a more neutral name was obviously appropriate. Well, I'll get to it, then. I am indeed having a mid-life crisis. I'm at an age, and state of body and mind, that makes it obvious that my youth has passed. Passed me by, actually. I didn't make much of it. I couldn't, with the burdens of what I was given as a child and adolescent. Rather than growing my experiences as a vital young man, my teenage years were spent staring at a ceiling, composing a vindictive suicide note in my head and wishing I'd never been born. My home environment was commensurate to that activity, with a hateful and aggressive step-father, and a mother with her head in the clouds who was unwilling to confront the reality that her husband was bringing ruin to her dreams of a happy home. When I went to college out of state, I was able to discover a new perspective on things, and a new consciousness, but was unable to make this new consciousness my home. I was academically gifted, but lacked a lot in life and communication skills. Furthermore, I had learned unnecessary "skills" for survival in a cruel household and unsympathetic community that further hindered me from making my way. I developed my new consciousness as best I could figure out how, but without supporting skills, my experiments generally led to failure in practical outcomes, and I became cynical and morose. If I hadn't had the financial support of my birth father, an emotionally distant but dutiful man, and his side of the family, I don't know what kind of situation I would have descended into. I'm tired now. Thinking about all this, with the wealth of unhappy unexpressed details and the unhappy knowledge of what comes after, is draining. I think the hardest part, perhaps the one thing that made everything hard, was and is the lack of communication. My mother, who did well as a single parent, stopped listening or wanting to know our situation after remarrying. She had to have known it was bad, but she was so determined that a fantastic vision of happiness in her head had to be reality that she cut off contact with the actual reality of her childrens' suffering. Our community was a conservative rural one where I didn't fit in as an academically oriented and practical-skill disoriented individual. I wasn't ostracized, is simply didn't have any peers who I could share any interests with, not caring about football or farming or small engine repair. One further feature of the community, though not a unique one, was the lack of support for struggling parents, and for children struggling under struggling parents. It was a see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil situation. Never do I remember anyone coming to address my conspicuously severe adolescent depression. I've since become aware that there were people who knew my step-father's nature and our suffering, but were disenabled from any positive action by the relentless indifference of the community. So I had nowhere to say anything. My experience was unwanted. My gifts, though recognized in my letter grades, were otherwise unneeded. In college, I came to accept that I was atheistic, a perspective which which had no place or forum in a conservative Christian community. Anything I would have had to say would have meant confronting everyone with something they didn't need or want. The upshot is that I learned that my kind of communication was a skill with no remunerative value, and anything that doesn't make money is worth as much as the money given to support it; nothing. At best, it can be considered a hobby; otherwise, a disgrace. Hard physical labor is paid for, and praised. Running a business is paid for, and praised. Shilling in a church is supported by donations, and praised. Raising children, while not directly compensated, is given financial support by the community and government, and is praised. So I've, erroneously, come to the conclusion that my skills in finding the truth behind matters and expressing it, are an insignificant hobby. Even writing this, I feel that every word that I say is somehow less significant than when I do productive physical labor at work. I somehow feel that my only value is as an oxen, a large stupid beast of burden who has no unnecessary thoughts. I'll never be able to live happily this way, though. I have to find a way to see past the rejection I've experienced, and assign equally great meaning to my words as I do to the products of capitalism. Perhaps that is what maturity is, is being able to assign as much significance to one's self as to authority and conformity and money. As a child, one prioritizes one's parents. As an adolescent, one prioritizes one's peers. As a young adult, one prioritizes one's livelihood. Generally, at no point is it made clear that one needs to discard anything and everything that hinders the prioritization of one's self-determination. There is no wide-spread institution, formal or informal, for introducing such knowledge. I've lived, if not without the knowledge, then without the determination. I've had the knowledge for nearly two decades. I'm not sure yet what my mistake was in applying that knowledge, whether it has been ignorance or cowardice or self-annihilation. Part of it is probably addiction, addiction to the tool of the internet to support various deleterious habits. The internet its self is not the issue, nor so much are the habits, but rather the combination. Even knowing this, I have trouble maintaining a state of mind where I can imagine a present or future of greater gratification than these addictive behaviors provide. That is my mid-life crisis; I've reached the point where the greatest pleasure I can imagine is the dull and unsatisfying experience of cheap self-gratification. I no can no longer support the youthful enthusiasm that there is something left for me to grasp for. When I was younger, even when I failed, I couldn't help but have hopes for the future. After all, I was still young. Now, having surpassed my physical peak, even if I know better, I can't help but to be bereft of hope. Even if I achieve something, I have no youth left with which to enjoy it. I lost those times. Actually, it feels more like those times were taken from me, by callousness and ignorance and outright malice. I can't help but resent those who never cared what I was losing. I've never been able to communicate with those people. Maybe I've lacked the determination to do so. It's hard to blame myself for being unable to communicate with someone who won't hear what I have to say, but maybe a part of communicating is being able to persevere through rejection, and to maintain confidence in the significance of my own words even when situations where nothing comes of them persist. To be self-determined.

Also, don’t limit Brahman to human existence or even earthly physics. It is beyond ideas if earth, heaven and hell. Beyond beyond beyond. Shiva’s love would kill you. Brahman is well beyond space and time and the ways it could be would make most humans lose their minds and commit suicide. Ironically, only to realize they cannot. - stay safe and take this comment intelligently. Brahman sits at a super position of the flowers blossoming and it’s rotting. “between the click of the light and the start of the dream” - Arcadefire No Cars Go

Due to his heavy work schedule he did not want to waste time resting and recuperating, and that's why he used sedatives and painkillers. It actually showcases his commitment to his vision and ideals. A yogi can leave his body at will. Yogananda and Lahiri Mahasaya left their bodies at will. It is known as Mahasamadhi (a yogi's conscious exit from the body). If Sadhguru wanted to leave his body he can do so any moment considering his abilities in this regard. He has no need for 'assisted suicide'. There is a tradition of voluntary suicide in eastern religions known as Sallekhana, but this is something that should be attempted only in extreme old age or highly diseased state of an irreversible nature, when there is no other option for healing and attaining proper health . The young and healthy are forbidden from Sallekhana, as it would amount to cowardice and unconscious action on their part.

I don't know what made me write this. But I write it with a heavy heart. Like any other thing that comes with it's own set of pros and cons, spiritual communities aren't exempt from drawbacks either. I'm not specifically talking about forums although forums are a fraction of it. I'm just saying communities in general. I have reached a point where I'm seriously contemplating whether being a part of a larger community is really worth it if the results aren't really there and if things are just getting worse with the illusion that you're on a spiritual path and you are achieving something when in reality millions of people with mental and physical problems turn to spirituality only for bypassing their real issues, are barely able to cope through life and end up being and doing worse when they get on the spiritual path. They start to rot and lose interest in life and daily activities once they begin to live in a solipsistic bubble. Instead of thriving, they start rapidly degrading. The consequences can be anywhere from suicide to mental illness to death or just living like a zombie. I'm sure people in the past have also expressed such a sentiment on this forum before. It's a routine thing, not to mention the problem of false teachings. Things that degrade your mental well being or just take you on a path of disillusionment. You gotta do the math yourself. Are you in this for the better or are things genuinely not turning out to be the way they should. I was barely 9 years old when I first started with spirituality. I haven't come very far because life came in between. I devoted a significant portion of my life in chasing delusions (let's put it that way). I suffered autism at a young age and in my teens I was obsessed with spirituality and religion. I always thought I was looking for something, searching for something, there was this existential crisis like thing going on with me. I was often at my wits end. Don't get me wrong. I derived a lot of benefit from this forum itself. Leo's teachings, his videos on personal development were a great starting point. But there's a problem. Everything is not so hunky dory. I still think that I suffered a bit in the process and not in a good way. It's like "invited" suffering. I don't know if this is the inherent nature of spiritual work. But I went through phases of insanity. I didn't do psychedelics (God only knows what suffering might have resulted from that). But so far not so stellar results. I have significant mental illness. I don't know if that's interfering with my spiritual stuff. One thing I casually noticed in spiritual communities is the huge problem of spiritual ego. People fight a lot over what's right or wrong. There's a certain dogmatism that accompanies it. This downgrades the whole spiritual process significantly. This is not alien to any community, it's to be found in every spiritual community. Be careful with what you decide to put your energy into. I have suffered significantly.

This is just my opinion so don't take it at face value or as something that I know for sure. I think this happens to those who didn't allow for the mental pain to surface, didn't give it recognition, didn't allow for the energy to breathe - so-to-speak. It was there crying out but was ignored. The suicidal energy. Energy that wasn't nurtured or paid attention to. So it died. Went extinct. As when you don't water a flower and it withers away. When people voice their suicidal tendencies or seek help, or become sad, or tell someone, or write about it or acknowledge it in some way or express it, that is giving it life so it lives on. That's why we can be suicidal for years and nothing happens. We have given the energy life. It is when it is suppressed that it suffocates and dies. It commits suicide like a suicidal cell in the body. When you don't see a human, but something in energetic form, that's what you see, not a person that committed suicide but a an energetic form that couldn't survive without love and attention and transforms into something else. Again that's just my take on these circumstances and I look at everything that way. Energetic forms. I don't see the human I see energy in form.

He was in such incredible pain that none of his techniques would suffice and he needed the help of science and technology. He was in such incredible pain that even he couldn't bear it. This should enlighten everyone as to why it is compassionate to allow assisted suicide at times because there's only so much anyone can bear, regardless of there level of mental discipline.

Taking another perspective on suicide. On a second note, he kinda looks like Leo