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@puporing Thanks for your support and help. I do definitely think that the "old school" parenting model that was applied to me was mostly ineffective, as it made me a mental wreck. Obsession over academics and grades has been the bane of my existence since I was a very young child, and it was I was never offered an alternative to succeeding in the world, the focus was always school. I have a lot of healing to do, I had a (suicide) plan, materials, date marked on my calendar. I seriously think Leo saved my life, as I called the crisis hotline and instead of help I was bounced back and forth between different lines, because apparently I didn't call the correct one.

22: I think about suicide so often I don’t know how much longer I can stand my life.

@Rishabh R yes basically, I suspect when anyone has a feeling of rejection (hurt), nothing can be any more real. I'll give you a concrete example. My ex-wife accused me of abuse, I concluded that despite me not being an abusive personality by nature, quite the opposite, she fully believed it. So, I had no choice but to accept her feelings. But, on the other hand, she had a history of leaving disaster in her wake, broken relationships, attempted suicide, narcissism, and a host of other weirdness (I should emphasize her tendency toward paranoia). I never fully integrated my acceptance of her viewpoint UNTIL my daughter came to me with feelings of the same experiences with her mother. What I then realized was that 'it' wasn't me, it was her. Of course, I played my part in it, but she has an enraging personality and I fell into her game due to my own very real weaknesses. So, it is in a way walking a tightrope (A psychologist would call it 'walking on eggshells, which is part of the ploy that women love to use to justify their inability to accept what is really real). But we as individuals/people have to navigate the landmines of human emotions to eventually 'actualize' our experiences. Life is not easy for us humans, sometimes painful, sometimes blissful, Though far from easy for me, we have to make it work and most essential is moving forward in a way that makes us happy. I haven't done it yet and will likely go to my grave without that as an accomplishment.

@Jacob Morres the metrics I use include things like suicidal thoughts and depressive episodes. I have those every few days. It used to be even more frequently than that. On some days suicide seems insane to me. On other days I feel hopeless to the point that I don't care about my family. Maybe I'm slightly less suicidal than I used to be. I also get better sleep thanks to the med adjustment.

Very first thing you should do is destroy your rope and note and any other suicide tools you have. Suicide is usually done on impulse, so get rid of the means first.

Yes, suicide statistics show it's a widespread issue, but the real challenge here goes beyond numbers. If people start leaving suicide notes on a public forum regularly, it would quickly harm the forum’s reputation, regardless of intent. This isn’t just about how common suicide is, but about the responsibility and perception that comes with running such a space. While the work done here can lead to deep self-reflection, which sometimes triggers suicidal thoughts, simply filtering out certain words won’t solve the issue as i previously though. I guess we need to recognize that this forum can become a place where people in distress seek help, and that makes it even more crucial to handle these situations with care, offering resources and ensuring there's real support for those in crisis. This way, the forum's purpose remains intact without unintentionally contributing to a negative reputation.

Can you go and look at the stats per/day/yr in the US alone. I've seen 2 here since I've been registered since 2020. More threateners, but only actually 2 commited. 2 in 4 yrs for a public forum. I just checked, 49,000 people died by suicide in the US in 2022 alone. Leo could probably sue the state if he got in trouble. People are committing suicide left and right everyday everywhere. South Korea has the most and Norway, Sweden, Denmark and Finland the least. Your neighbor probably threatened suicide yesterday and your co-worker is probably thinking about it as we speak and another 10 maybe 100 miles proximity from you in the last year. 2 in 4 yrs on a forum of people from across the globe is nothing even though one is one too many.

@Emerald I am from London, it's a very competitive city. I have childhood female friends and always went to mixed schools. I have women in my social circle but they are all in long term relationships. I have always socialized with women, I have never really had the classic male interest; sports, cars, video games(I know women can be interested in these things) etc I have tried flirting in the past but it was clear that it was unwanted, so I stopped. It doesn't feel good to make someone uncomfortable. I asked another woman out who was a friend of a friend and she agreed to a date but never turned up, so I got stood up for what would have been my first date. I still have never been on an actual date with a woman. The majority of the time, the women are nice about the rejection but one I think has scarred me. I remember receiving this look of complete repulsion and that killed my confidence for a while. At university my roommate and close friend was one of those stereotypical chad player types, women were very forward with him. They would basically invite themselves to his room and at one point he was seeing about 7 women at once but it got a bit toxic because one of the girls wanted something more and threatened to commit suicide if he didn't oblige. It was eye opening to say the least, to see how direct and brazen women could be with very attractive men. He's married now, in fact a lot of my friends are and I am still trying to get a date. I wonder if the messages we receive as children manifest in our life. I got teased a lot at school and I remember a girl saying I would die alone. Lately my mother has begun pressuring me to get a girlfriend and she has said the "you are going to die alone" thing as well.

@Husseinisdoingfine stop being dramatic, Brother. Listen to the wise advice from people here. Turning off your avatar, called suicide, will not end anything. Quite the opposite. You will experience frustration, anger, irritation on an incomparably larger scale. Here, as a human, you have the opportunity to work through it. And you have no way out. You will not escape from yourself anywhere. Get to work, Brother👊

Hey man, let me give you a quick rundown of my story, in case it helps. My father always pushed me to be good at math and to pursue a career in engineering. So, I signed up for industrial engineering. The first year went terribly, and even though I thought I could eventually pass (if I put in a lot of years and effort), I would’ve ended up being a mediocre engineer. So, I lowered the bar and switched to international trade, which still had some math but more at my level. I graduated 4 years ago and things are going great. I’m good at what I do, and I actually enjoy it. I don’t make as much as an engineer, but I’m happy. And after working for a few years, I’ve realized that the degree you choose isn’t that important. Looking back, I would’ve studied history (because it’s my passion), and if I didn’t find anything in that field, I would’ve done a specialized master’s in something like international business, international relations, or supply chain management. Please do not commit suicide over this.

- read books, took notes, consumed other creators content, took baby steps - went to a 10 day naturopathy healing center, got rid of withdrawls & depression - enrolled in local commerce college just to have a degree - started supporting my father in our traditional family business.. I was super-lucky to have this time of exploration without having to worrying about career/finances - joined other skill based classes in local which made me social, functional and intellectual again - I discovered my passion for philosophy & psychology.. even enrolled in distance learning psychology degree (didn't continue it after 2nd year as I got way better knowledge through YT and other self-study means) - got to know about god/awakening/spirituality which blew my mind again.. but this time out of curiosity rather than suffering - I din't care about anything else other than this - It was like I contemplated on this for most of my waking time..kind of like Self-Enquiring 4 hours daily for years - Did Vipassana, Inner engineering and other Yoga programs by Sadhguru, tried mushrooms and ayahuasca - and finally understood what God, Leo, other teachers were trying to communicate with me - It's that - 'It is what I say it is' or 'I am what I say I am' or rather 'what I choose I am' - Not what God says, but what I say - And that was my moment of realization From Monk-mode to Work-mode - Then what? A field of infinite possibilities opened up for me - I immediately moved out (my parents tried their best emotional blackmail to stop me lol), took a content writing job as writing was a skill I trained to a degree (my cover letter was so good, they didn't even bother asking about my credentials) - Gained experience, confidence and marketing knowledge - Shifted back to my hometown, this time out of genuine desire to support my father and grow our family business. - tried bunch of different stuff too like stock trading, teaching, writing..did Life Purpose course again - Have been having best relationship with parents since then.. not because I listened to them and came back to join our edible-oil trading biz (that I left again as my father found my ideas way too radical) but because I've got the backbone of self-respect and genuine love for my parents. Their manipulations seem like child's naughtiness to me. And I can clearly see their love for me in certain actions. We love spending time with each other. but coming back to our work discussion, - only a few months back finally finalizing to make my career in copywriting and marketing - did a few online courses and have been pursuing freelancing since then - I can't put into words the level of clarity that I have now. My mind works like a flowing river when I intend and focus it like that. Now why did I share my history in such detail and how does it relate to your situation? how you might benefit from this? I will like to mention a few key points that will help you sort things up: 1. Getting into a state of happiness first, before trying to figure it all out Note that it took me far too much time to figure it all out. Heck, many people still haven't figured it out. See what you're saying is that - I will only be happy when I have certainty about my future. And we are saying that - don't worry about it so much as of now, take a chill pill do what needs to be done like confronting your parents and let them know that you don't want to continue engineering or whatever your take is have patience, do the right things - like getting any basic job that pays the bills, explore your interests, etc etc.. hey and even leo's new course is also coming, aren't you excited for it?? If I were at your place I would postpone dying until then 😄 (hey sorry didnt mean to joke about it..i could never know your pain and I wish you fast healing) once you have the right state of mind, right careers will appear in front of you like a shining diamond. You wouldn't be able to miss them even if you try. You will just know that this is the thing for me and I will achieve the highest possible success in this. 2. Making your parents proud vs making yourself proud Please don't even think of taking your life away (now don't say it is automatic.. we do have the ability to direct our thoughts.. please steer your car to make a U turn) I can't even imagine the suffering my parents would go through if I ever did suicide. It kills me to imagine that Dude, you need to first experience what being a parent is like. Only then you will be able to appreciate their love for you. Forget dying, you will wish you could serve them for all your life I am getting a taste of this just by becoming a dog-parent. Being a parent is like nurturing an extension of yourself So what if they weren't able to nurture you the way you wanted? They did the best they could They didn't have the level of information distribution as we have in this age. But that doesn't mean they should be punished for being ignorant. Yes you don't want to punish them, but they will surely experience it as punishment One good idea I will like to share with you that I have as my aim is - how about forgiving them for whatever shit, and becoming parent to your parents? I will make myself proud when I am able to fully do that. In doing that, I don't care if they get ashamed of me.. (honestly I do care, but not more than making myself proud) 3. Unlocking your genius I am cent percent sure that there is a talent within you that is waiting to be honed, waiting to be appreciated I am not saying this to cheer you up or anything, I am saying this with having a deep understanding of how life operates The fact that you were considering taking your life says that you have so much repressed energy that is seeking expression Also the fact of changing careers shows you are wise as Leo mentioned. You like to think far ahead and can't pursue something which you don't see blossoming into something great.. This is good however don't discount the process by which this discovery/unlocking of genius happens. For you to find your niche/field of expertise or whatever you want to call it, it is necessary for you to go through this frustrating phase of dissatisfaction with current career choice.. You see, there's a flow here.. from discontentment to contentment.. So according to me, this current event is a call for you to seek your calling As Leo said in his videos, make finding your life purpose, your life purpose!

First of all, wow dude, hats off to your ability to express your emotions so clearly 👏🏻..I can literally FEEL your frustration radiating through my screen. Secondly, I was kinda in a similar situation as you, so I can relate to you better than most here. (I also wasn't able to get into a college I so badly desired 😞) The feeling of being so far behind in your development compared to where you imagined yourself to be is one of the worst. But hey do you want to know a deep truth about you? You may already be knowing this, consider this as a reminder. You have extraordinarily high standards for yourself 🤩 (which is super-amazing btw, but tricky and needs to be channelized properly) Which is why you took time to decide your majors, which is why you are changing your majors again, which is why you considering suicide..because perhaps it's too late to become what kind of person you wanted to be. (its actually not but we will come to it later) Before you decide what next thing you want to do - may it be talking to your family member, discussing your problem on forum, analysing your career options again, do anything harmful in your powerful super-frustrated state etc etc Are you interested in knowing my story in brief of how I went from - Being a 4-times college drop-out a family disappointment hardcore smoking addict feeling psychotic af..(to a point where I thought I will have to spend my life in a mental hospital), being used by my ex teased by friends feeling like a loser etc To Starting my freelance copywriting/marketing business (expecting $5k/per month by December end and $25k/per month in 3 years time) simultaneously working on 2 other big business ideas (vision book ™️ creation service (demo ready and testing now ) plus an absolutely radical addiction recovery app) Exploring song-writing and composing (made around 10 already with each having atleast 4 different versions (psstt..i am using Claude ;)) family's favourite (without being too much successful in my career yet) Still living with my family & cherishing every moment (they know I am moving out soon and we are in this bitter-sweet phase of deep authentic connection🥹) Feeling the healthiest, free from all addictions, most sane I have ever been, living my life purpose to its fullest. Healed toxic dynamics with ex, now we have love for each other, but due to different preferences we have moved on Friends holding me in high regards and started to make high-conscious & rich friends Feeling like a god walking among gods, etc No I am not trying to sell you anything lol 😂 😂 😂 Nor I am trying to prevent you from doing stupid (I fear uttering that word) I am only interested in recognising your inherent talent, sharing it with you and motivating you to pursue it through my example. I will keep it super-brief - 400-500 words maybe. In the end, I will also share a career path that I think will be ridiculously awesome for you. If you don't reply anything along the lines of 'No, not interested' in 15-20 mins, then I will share it. Thanks for reading

@Husseinisdoingfine You are still hoping to solve this problem by comitting suicide, I understand, but be aware you are not in a good state of mind right now, don't make important decisions in a bad state of mind. Do you want to talk privately? You literally have a lot of potential from seeing and knowing your previous posts, don't waste it brother. It will be alright, trust.

Is any of that "known " ? I have no problem with any story you fabricate to explain existence but at some point you just need to get that you got not the slightest idea who you are ..what the world is or what anything is . Then maybe you look into the hungry mouth of death spread wide open ready to swallow you into the unknown. If One embraces the unknown..they will never suicide. They will never even know how they will behave in their lives in a better place than what they are.

Nice video overall. The version of postmodernism you’ve presented is mostly just Derrideanism, where it’s all about deconstruction and endless reinterpretation. However, many postmodern thinkers grappled deeply with what comes after "déconstruction" and weren’t simply nihilistic academics. When Nietzsche (who, for some reason, you haven’t mentioned once throughout the entire talk) famously proclaimed the death of God—i.e., the death of grand narratives—in his 1882 work Die Fröhliche Wissenschaft (The Gay Science), this was only the beginning of what is considered his "mature works." It also marked the start of his Umwertung aller Werte ("revaluation of all values"), a project cut short by his mental deterioration. From this, we get concepts like the "Übermensch" and "Eternal Recurrence," both of which are about affirming life and embracing one’s "Will to Power"—that is, one’s own values and highest vision—despite fully accepting that there is no rational or transcendent justification for any of it. Similarly, Gilles Deleuze expanded upon Nietzsche’s ideas. To put it briefly, he developed a post-metaphysical metaphysics of absolute experience, anticipating and paralleling the teachings of your sacred cow, Peter Ralston (who, to be fair, is quite on point within his domain of thought). Deleuze’s Difference and Repetition argues for the priority of difference—distinction over identity—while Capitalism and Schizophrenia is about "deterritorialization" and "reterritorialization," which Ralston would call "opening" and "grounding." Deleuze’s unfinished work, Immanence: A Life, written shortly before his tragic suicide, centers on the singularity of "a life." This contrasts with your favored Heideggerians, Derrida, and Dugin, who still posit a "Sein" beyond "Dasein"—a "Being" beyond "being." For Deleuze, however, "being" is already absolute "Being." This is, of course, what the death of God signifies, which is why Nietzsche said things like, “Mankind, in its most profound self-abasement, in its most profound self-alienation, has dared to invent an ideal world of being in order to devalue and afflict with suspicion the only world that exists.” It would have been nice if you had actually engaged with the thinkers and ideas behind postmodernism more deeply. We could have had a much more profound and nuanced discussion on postmodernism and made meaningful contributions to the discourse. As it stands, your presentation is just a collection of loosely connected ideas that you’ve appropriated for your own purposes (whatever they may be). Fair enough, but don’t expect any serious intellectual to give you too much applause for what you’ve done here.

Only option = suicide, = nonsense. Why would a physics degree make suicide YOUR only option? You make suicide your only option by attaching yourself to a physics degree. It is also nearly impossible to de-sculpt yourself from that desire. You can't not feel the pain, not feel the desire, just from one decision. Because of factors such as brainwashing and social and psycho-societal validation you want a physics degree, but you also simultaneously choose to live up to your desire and affirm yourself along with it. Now there can only be a leftover of the desire which you don't control, but do control whether or not you commit suicide or whether or not you affirm the desire. There might be incredible difficulty in trying to give up that goal fully simply because it failed AKA due to an outside circumstance which is supposed to be the thing going against it. How well will this be accepted by your mind? Not very well at all. But it will also find nothing wrong with just choosing something else or just wanting something else. Or simply acknowledging that it's no longer possible to get the physics degree.

I would like to add here that from a yogic perspective, people feel suicidal when the prana or chi levels in the person is very low... If people commit suicide on the basis of existentialist or nihilist despair, what is apparent to me then is that personal interpretations of certain philosophies of this kind and the thinking and emoting process it generates can lead to low prana or chi levels within the personal system. It has been observed by physicians that when a patient is negative-minded and has lost his will to live, this can have a further adverse effect on his health.

You could maybe make a case to me that suicide is justified if you have some incredibly painful late stage cancer where ever moment of your life is filled with physical pain, but man I’m telling you, get some perspective on this and you will see this just is not it bro. You sound like a young guy, spiritual because you’re here. Do you believe you have innate spiritual value no matter what? Why not connect with this. This is where your true talents and genius lie. Your life is just beginning man.

Information Update, I mentioned in the OP that I used a suicide website. On that website, I've been complaining about this problem since October of 2023. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/i-plan-to-kill-myself-this-weekend-but-im-worried-about-the-pain.150955/ https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/im-suicidal-due-to-academic-competition.138142/ https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/i-want-to-ctb-because-i-feel-inferior-to-my-peers-do-i-have-a-low-iq.136921/ https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/im-really-insecure-about-missing-out-on-the-college-experience.136792/

I am literally just as lazy, my mom helped me through highschool. It's horrible to not achieve results, I feel you there really. Failure has caused me so much so much pain, but bro, I don't think its enough to consider suicide.

I hear you, man, but I need you to listen to me straight-up. You've been hit hard, and the frustration and despair are real—I get it. But this situation isn't the end, no matter how much it feels like it right now. The fact is, you've faced a massive wall, and you're crushed because you care. You had a vision for your life, and right now it seems like it’s fallen apart. But let’s get something straight: this isn’t about your intelligence or your worth. You’ve been knocked down by some setbacks—calculus didn’t click, maybe you’ve got a mental block with calculations. That sucks, but it doesn’t define you. It's a problem to be solved, not a verdict on your future. Suicide? No. Absolutely not. That's a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and you'd be cutting off the possibility of figuring this out. Maybe physics isn't where your talents lie, maybe it is, but one class isn't the measure of your potential. The rope? Throw it out. There are people who want to help, even if it feels like you’re all alone. You need to reach out to a counselor, talk to someone about this crushing weight you’re feeling, because it’s lying to you. And let’s talk about sociology. Yeah, it’s not as glamorous as physics in terms of earning potential, but it’s not worthless. It’s another path, and if you're passionate about it, you can carve a niche where you’ll thrive. Passion plus hustle beats anything. And even if sociology isn't where you land long-term, it’s not the end. Your degree doesn’t define your entire future either. - I have a bachelors in sociology and I'm happy with it. But still I knew the job opportunities were limited, so I stacked on with other courses like psychology, neuropsychology, pedagogy and other stuff that I could tie into my life purpose. And now after a long route I finally have a really great job that I love, within the field I want to work in. So its not hopeless!! Here’s the real talk: You’ve hit a setback. A big one. But it’s not game over. You’re still breathing, which means you still have options. You have to dig deep, get the support you need, and live to fight another day. This world needs you in it, whether you see it right now or not.

In all honesty, your plan was poorly made to begin with. It should have been apparent since high school that you do not have an aptitude for mathematics and such, so why go to Physics? A dream job sure sounds nice, but it's an idea in your head, the reality may differ significantly. For a brief period my dream job was to become an accountant, then first semester of college after a few classes I realized how immensely boring it actually is, nothing like the picture I envisioned. The fact that you're now going to remain a loser after failing the degree is also something your mind has constructed. Are you a prophet? The future is fluid, and can change a lot in unexpected ways. Maybe when (IF) you're 35 and working at McDonald's barely able to afford rent in some shithole, revisit the suicide route. But right now your situation is not a dead end at all, in fact it's likely going to feel liberating once the initial depression wave passes. Hold tight and try ro recontextualize it into a positive. Few other things, there's no need to beat yourself up for repeating the same mistakes, in fact that's the best way to deeply learn a lesson for many people, you step into the same pile of shit over and over, and finally decide enough is enough, that determination will be so strong it'll hold for life. Also, practically speaking, an average sociologist has better employability prospects than an average physicist. You'd have to really excel to achieve the prestige you wanted, so simply passing a class wouldn't have made a difference in the end.

@Husseinisdoingfine Please seek professional help immediately and don't do anything stupid. Call 988 - the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Or, Text HOME to 741741 if you prefer texting over calling. Failing an exam or dropping out of university are not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. In hindsight, they can even be seen as valuable or necessary experiences. Of course, you are unable to see this at this point as you are extremely emotionally involved in the situation right now. And it sounds like your issue might even be fixed yet. In any case and however it turns out, you can and will find a way forward. This is not worth throwing your life away over.

First World proplems . You are so out of touch . People in 3d world countries and in Gaza are starving to death and you want to suicide yourself because you can't find a girlfriend? Boo fucking woo. I'm not judging you..but you are so ungrateful to what you have and you are out of touch with the world.

But this is like only 10-20% of all suicides. Most people who commit suicide have been suffering for years. It is the only way out for them.