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@Scholar Different personality types, different brain types, different facets to awakening. Awakening will be filtered through the mind and personality no matter how awake you get. Some people are more sentimental and emotional while other people are more autistic, cool, and dispassionate. One awakened person could emphasize Nothingness in his teaching. Another awakened person could emphasize Love in his teaching. Etc. Which is why an integral approach is so good. You can get the best of all the teachings and teachers.

@mandyjw thank you - i have my own sources. i‘m sure he’s wonderful. in case of women pain i trust in women. it’s maybe something for guys to listen to. i‘m thankful though macy for reminding me - i can share it with you, we all do, don’t we. my mom recommended me some german female authors. so if i really want to go deeper into it than i did the last months, i’ll do. but ultimatively it’s about understanding deeply that the value of any kind of shell animal lies in the soft parts - and these are not for eating - it’s about the deepest understanding of respect towards life. yin and yang are not superior or submissive - they arise from nothingness/thingness in nothing.

@kadsuy Egoic Conciousness: Has a feeling of being a brain; not it Has a sensation in the chest; not it Has a feeling of being intense focus; not it Has an image of Nothingness; not it Has a location of Emptiness; not it Anything which you try to indentify with in egoic conciousness cannot be God or else your state of conciousness would be God mind.

I would not say put 'attention on nothingness' rather 'a rest in nothingness' or even better description of experience is 'rest as nothingness.'

don’t confuse nothing with nothingness you can see nothing without seeing nothingness. deep realisation of nothingness comes before the realization of nothing though. you can also meditate on dependent arising and letting go. you only need to ask one question deep enough, well you don’t even need to ask it, if you become the question.

There's really no contradiction. Just different ways to phrasing the same thing. Meditation techniques which focus attention are very good. I wouldn't besmirch them as merely "preliminary exercises." Self-inquiry is a concentration exercise. It is also possible to meditate on nothingness. But it's an advanced kind of meditation which is not easy for most people to do because the mind easily clings on to some form. So instead most newbies are taught a technique like: focus on the breath. It is possible to put your attention on Nothingness if you're very conscious. It requires taking your attention off of all form. Basically you're trying to become conscious of formlessness, Shiva, or the Godhead.

These are all random notes I made from an a state of no-self. When searching for the self you might believe it's emptiness inside of your skull. You may look at you hand and believe you're a hand. You may even believe that you are the Nothingness in the air, between objects. You might think you can focus on this awareness as being somewhere in the air as a point of focus. You will then look back to an object in Actuality instead of trying to find awareness in the air. Now, put your attention on the empty, sentient subject or perciever which is God or Actuality. You are God, there is no other way to explain it. To find God you have to play the game of hide-and-seek (spiritual seekers). Why are you hiding from your no-self (God) and not seeking? To find this god play the game of hide-and-seek (neti-neti method) God is this sentient emptiness of awareness, who is father like and watching his children - Jesus is the son of God, which is a metaphor to explain the small self (ego, son) and the true self being God (holy father). Is Holy supposed to be a joke? Whole; Full; complete Hole: A hollow space in something solid (Emptiness inside the self) The word holy is a word that is supposed to refer to Whole and Hole as being two totally different words but the exact same or One because despite them being spelt differently they are pronouced identically and there is irony in that holy is spelled differently from both words and this word holy seems seperate from Whole and Hole but it isn't because it's still the same pronunciation which made the sound. Can you see that holy is both seprate from Whole and Hole Holy represents the unification or oneness of Emptiness and Fullness. Beautiful metaphors: Waves come in, Wave come out. Sun day, Moon night Sun smile, clouds cry God can see with clarity (abscene of a mind-conciousness) the outside world (trees, grass) and the inside world (person percieving reality - self) as it is neither. Hide-and-Seek meditation I am not The body or body sensations (feeling of being a mind is body sensation) The human mind or thoughts (mind creates perceptions into conciousness aka God) e.g. the thought it exists as pink brain producing it's own conciousness The object (hand, table, orange) Emptiness of space between objects - Air Subject (perciever - ego) The sharp mind focus (highly focused, lowly conciousness) Mind Conciousness Meditation frustrations Meditaters get annoyed when they can't see that they are this empty, sentient awareness. The meditator doesn't realise they need to release any sensation of what they think one-by-one in a game of hide-and-seek, the game is to slip out of the stream of possible self sensations (seek-by-stripping) it could be: feelings or sensations, thoughts (Perceptions taking place in conciousness or God's mind) God's mind is not an object or idea of god. It's the empty, concious, sentient being. Your mind just created an idea of God as an image now (not actually God) - Decontextulisation. When you play Hide-and-Seek still focus on Actuality, what are Actual perceptions (not mind created perceptions aka thoughts and images) What we are doing with all this meditation work is trying to get objective reality to exist without the subject (the self) and to do this you need to be focused on real perceptions in reality (cars, hats, furniture) but you also need to realise that the despite there being this concious mind perceiving the world, there is a conciousness above it which can be accessed by seeing the subject with absolute clarity. If there is no subject then you need to strip every single one when in a ego conciousness until you become the no-subject. God is the non-objective subject. A self (person) is an objective subject. The problem with reality is that you shift between God experiencing existence and the mind experiencing existence. Strip EVERY single possibility of what you could be until you run out of objective subjects and you become the non-objective subject. Can you see how you cannot find the non-objective subject you have to become it. It's a seeing through being and to be it, you have to not be everything else in an egoic conciousness because if you are not in a non-dual conciousness then you are being something which isn't the no-self. You need to fall into this state of conciousness. This state cannot be located therefore it needs to be unlocated. The proccees of finding a no-self is normally done backwards and thus nobdy gets results. You can't find something if it isn't there, you just need to unfind the thing you thought you found.

@Aakash That's precisely what I meant by ''Pure Nothingness is not even pure nothingness'' .

@tecladocasio you have the wrong impression of pure nothingness because you don't understand the term it does not mean absent of something it means no-thing aka its not an object to which there can be a subject viewing it or in other words it can't be the seeker who finds it that is because the seeker is the one who is seeking aka the no-thing ness is trying to find no-thing ness itself wrapping your head arround this is the mind fuck

@Pernani I think Pure Nothingness is not even awareness . Pure Nothingness is not even pure nothingness , that's the mind interpretation . And it is a relative term .

@Pouya you cant put your attention on nothingness, the reason being is because the awareness itself is coming from the thing that is you which exist, the nothingness you are trying to find is the seeker

@Pernani You can't concentrate on pure nothingness , that's the confusing point .

Imagination of nothingness is happening in nothingness itself

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_P-szUcfbMc&feature=youtu.be Hey @Leo Gura what do you think abt this video? Ruper spira says that attention only serves as directing consciousness away from consciousness towards an object (breath, thoughts for example), in order for consciousness to be aware of consciousness attention has to stop, and that meditation techniques that require the focus of attention only serve to calm the mind and are only preliminary exercises. Doesnt this contradict what you said in your self inquiry video that one has to concentrate on pure nothingness?

Nothingness is prior to mind, space, or anything else. The answer is "sorta." Attention is put on it through the self-inquiry process. Your mind must become very still and your concentration laser focused. Do not confuse this with putting your attention on some idea or concept of nothingness. I am talking about ACTUAL nothingness, not any idea you have. An idea you have of it, is not it, and it will prevent you from accessing it. So be careful. DO NOT TRY TO IMAGINE NOTHINGNESS. That is a giant waste of time. It will not work and you will not even be close. Or a psychedelic can take you there easily. It's best not to think of it as "putting my attention of nothingness" but rather, nothingness is what you ARE. You are it. It is your truest nature. So rather than looking for nothingness, look for what you are, your truest nature. When I say "you" I am talking to that nothingness you are.

@Aakash Nothingness is the absence of body experience. Absence of thoughts. Absence of sense of seperatedness. Its an experience of the formlessness intutively. So it is awareness knowing itself. Thats you. That is Self Realisation beyond doubts. This again is my borrowed knowledge of what SR is.

@purerogue There is only silence, the "i" thought arises from silence and goes back to silence @Jkris i'm not sure because if i say "am i the one who entered" its wrong, if i say any words, they aren't that, because nothingness is before words, so i can't answer your question in a way. basically any answer i give you, is not it.

@Aakash one who is aware of thoughts sensations is the witness or self that is not an illusion. This is what my theoretical understanding or borrowed knowledge. But have you entered the nothingness?

@purerogue I know I exist. But that is due to the experience of the body, mind, thoughts, emotions, feelings. And the Me feeling or the sense of seperatedness or the Identity. In sleep I dont know anything whether I exist or not. So one can be aware of self in nothingness alone. Not anyother way.

@Mu_ So how to enter nothingness with out reaching the no thought state ?

@tecladocasio No thought no mind state need to happen before realizing nothingness.or in other words no mind state is the gateway starting point of spirituality.So I am still struggling to begin spirituality :)) correct me if this understanding is wrong. May be this is the reason people are trying physchadelics I guess.Though I haven't tried physchadelics yet.

Trip Report 30g Golden Teacher truffles What do I want to create? What do you mean, create?! There is already everything! I am already everything! I AM THE COFFEE! It's the next morning. I'm slightly bothered by people addressing me with my name (let's say Flowboy). As a separate person. I have to remember how to play that character. I want to be alone. Or at least not be talked to. It's exhausting to be put back into the Flowboy role. This is a report of a trip with what ended up being 30 grams of Golden Teacher sclerotia (psilocybe cubensis truffles). According to the internet, this is roughly equivalent to between 5 and 8 grams of shrooms. I bought two packs of 15 grams. B, A and me sit down on the floor around a candle, in a triangle, holding hands. We each say a prayer. Then A and me start consuming the shrooms. I took a "full" dose of 15 grams, then portioned out another dose of 10 grams for later, and set a timer for an hour, to decide whether we want to go deeper. Spoiler alert: I take all of it. T + 1:00 As soon as we're both feeling it, and are feeling sort of stable, I suggest taking a walk. We want to see some nature. Our sitter B is on board. This is right around the 1 hour mark, I discover, and I'm sure I want to kick it up a notch. I eat most of the 10 grams and leave some for after the walk. This is just what felt right. There's a hair in my mouth. This is a persistent sensation I keep having and remarking about throughout the night. Also happened to me on acid. I briefly wonder whether it is a good idea to up the dose and go outside at the same time, but I decide that the concept of good and bad idea doesn't make sense and I should just trust. I'm sitting at the lake, marvelling at the WILD nature visuals. Branches, trees are growing before my eyes. The other side of the lake is alive with growth. Everywhere I look is life sprouting. I am a part of nature. A. is standing right behind me and stroking the sides of my head with her fingers. But they are not her fingers. They are the tentacles of the organic Universe nature entity that is connecting through her and me. Tickling her tentacles through my consciousness, inviting me, sucking me up, penetrating my identity. I let go. "Take me" I think. With my eyes closed I see morphing green octopus arms / plant branches / tree roots, crawling and grasping at me. I can feel the energy running through A, her hands, me, and the ground. "This is just foreplay", I think. [A had the exact same experience of connectedness, her hands connecting to me but not JUST me, but Everything.] It's not personal. It's not about little me and little her. Source showed us that we are the same. I wouldn't describe it as loving, because even though we were connecting to something infinitely good, it is very different from the egoic feeling of personal love. Like the universe loves Flowboy, but could also kill him or make him suffer, and then that is good. We're leaving the lake. I remark that "you" and "I" and places to go are concepts, and how I would like to let go of them. But, "I can't completely let go, because I need them to go somewhere. You need your ego to move places and make things happen." A understands. Several bushes stick their leaves out at my face and say hi to me. I have wordless conversations with them. Their structure seems infinitely deep. I talk to several tree branches like that and say "Bye!" to them as we walk on. "Is it me or is it getting kind of dark! B, is it dark? I have no idea! HAHAHAHA" I laugh maniacally and start skipping through the street. The street is now overgrown with magical flowers the size of me almost. The size of the street is exploding with fast growing magical-feeling bushes, plants and flowers. I'm skipping through Wonderland. I remark: "I could worry about people looking at this guy, acting weird, but I'm gonna let that go!! It feels so much better to just let that go!" I laugh a deep rumbling laugh. I am no longer Flowboy. I am an expression of infinite love. Periodically throughout the evening, I jump up and down and clap my hands like a happy child. The questions I wrote down instantly lost all significance. What do I want to create? "I"?? That's so silly. There is already everything! I am everything. Nothing is needed. There is nothing to be done. Everything is already perfect as it is. It doesn't matter what I think! I fall back into the carpet in surrender. A trust fall into nothingness. Ecstatically shouting: "It doesn't matter what I think. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I THINK!! :D" I'm standing in the kitchen with a tea bag in my hand. And a cup. Puzzled, I attempt to put one into the other. "I" am putting "the tea bag". I start explaining to B how you need these concepts to do things. The concept of tea and the concept of I. Separateness. But I would rather let go of concepts for now. Concepts create the illusion of separateness. But you need them for tea. I have always existed, and will always exist. Infinity. It's infinite. It's perfect. EVERYTHING IS ALREADY PERFECT AS IT IS I created it perfectly. I did good. It's impossible to worry. Who is worrying about what? Fear needs to be relative to something. There is nothing to fear. I am supposed to take it all. To see. If there is nothing to fear, why not go see? TRUST!! I state that I will be back and walk to the table where I left the remaining 5 grams. Smiling, I start eating them, alternating them with strawberries. Let's see. The term "ego death" comes to mind. I start contemplating this. Is that what's supposed to happen? There is nothing to fear baby. Nothing to fear. Everything is an expression of love Laying on the floor. Flowboy is drawing his last breaths. I put his hands together in front of his chest. Stretch his body out. Symmetric body posture. His breath is extremely slow now. Throat is partially closed. [Later I draw a parallel to what I think yogic breathing is] I could stop it, it wouldn't matter. There is the sensation that A is trying to prevent me from dying. Holding my hand, touching me, trying to interact with my body. She doesn't understand. But that's fine. I feel like not cuddling anymore and focus on putting my arms and legs in a symmetrical position. "Just let me die", I think. "It's okay." The sensation of his teeth in his skull are all that's left of Flowboy now. His hands have melted into the carpet. His body and the carpet and the room, it's all one thing. All made of the same stuff. I created it perfectly. It's all an expression of love. The vague, rudimentary, blurry, cartoonish shapes that make up the corner of the window. They expand. The corner of the window are now all there is. I AM the corner of the window. How could I forget. The corner of the window is ME!!! I dreamt all this up. The last place Flowboy looked (corner of the window) now zooms in and it is everything. I am the corner of the window. No more separateness. No more me. [ Later I wonder whether this is what is meant by satori ] A deep laugh rumbles from Flowboy's lifeless body. I remember feeling vaguely like: "The Flowboy would find this freaky and cool. Right now there is no one here to have an opinion, so no room for judgment, but he would." The infinite expression of love needs to pee. The thought arises to comfort A, laying beside me. Should I leave her alone? I chuckle at that ridiculousness. She is an expression of me. She feels what I'm doing and thinking. No need to use words and pretend we're separate. Stumbling through a world of blurry cartoonish shapes, I dream my Flowboy to the bathroom. I've been there before. I've been there all along. I lean against the wall and instantly melt into it. I stick Flowboy's arm through the wall. It doesn't exist. Whether Flowboy is actually in the bathroom is the wrong question to ask. I feel A. I am her. Still on the carpet. Right. I was playing a game. The "Flowboy has to pee" game. Seems unnecessary, because everything is already complete, there is nothing to do. But let's amuse myself. The colourful blurry cartoon hands take Flowboys dick out. It's glistening and shimmering like it just sparkled into existence. Surrender. All there ever was, and ever will be, is this infinite moment, of trust, and surrender, surrender, surrender. There is no bad, just infinite flavours of good. There is no no, just infinite yes'es. I realize I'm alone. I've always been alone. This doesn't feel lonely, just surprising. I forgot that this has always been me, playing with puppets. Entertaining and playing a cosmic joke on myself. I am pretending to be A, and B. And Flowboy. And there is no time. I created this universe, made out of me, to tell myself stories with. The ending of one of the stories was Flowboy taking 30 grams of truffles. That was always going to be it. The closing of the book. Desert Dwellers is playing. [Which is now my absolute favourite trip music.] At this point it is so loopy and repetitive and trance inducing that I become really convinced that time is either standing still, or never existed, and it's one of the jokes I made to myself I'm sitting at the table filled with food, but I don't have a body. It has dissolved. The chair is empty, in a way. I'm transparent. I put my hand through the table. Wave it through the strawberries. If I concentrate, I can will a hand into existence, to pick up the strawberries and the orange juice. Distraction. Who is distracted by what? Separateness. Illusion. I look back into A's eyes at the same time that she also looks up. Her hand mirrors my hand movement. I'm fully convinced now that we are one. Expressions of the same. Using language to pretend we're different characters with separate minds is a fun, but unnecessary game. We're remembering that we're the same. There is a conversation going on. With me. And me. Since always. And forever. I have always existed. There is only One. There is only Love. That's the answer. I dreamed all this up to entertain myself. To experience myself. And I suppose I also forgot about it to kid myself, for fun. I look at A's blurry cartoon face and I AM her face. She/I looks at me. She/I remember. She/I were kidding ourselves/myself for awhile, but now we/I know. There is tea in front of me. SEE!! I NEVER NEEDED TEA. I AM THE TEA. MY CUP WAS FULL TO BEGIN WITH. I am the tea. I dream up a hand and start eating curry with it from the bowl. That's so funny. Curry eating itself. A made it. I don't personally remember it, but that means I made it. Looking at A, I confirm: "We did good. We made it perfectly. I love you." Even that seems so unnecessary to say. I'm talking to myself. A says: "Now I have that sensation of a hair in my mouth!" It makes sense to me because I am her. I look in her eyes, at her face and again this zooming-in happens. They're my eyes. My face. There is only One here. We know it. [She experienced this oneness and connectedness similarly. We had to get used to being separate people later ] A asks to make preparations for bed. I smile. There is nothing to do. It's already done. A asks to get naked and feel skin contact. I'm already here. It is unnecessary. A asks to give her a massage and stand/walk on her back. I'm puzzled: why would I walk on my own back? But why not. Let's humor myself and play something with the A and Flowboy characters. I massage A's back with Flowboy, and put Flowboy on top of her. Then I let A ask him to lie down on her back, and make Flowboy do it. Our hands connect and I honestly don't know which of the arms/bodies I am. We've always been one. Just consciousness playing with itself. A is coming out of it and starts thanking me for bringing her along in this experience, saying it was part of my purpose. This deeply puzzles me. I'm so wrapped up in believing that we are one mind, that her calling upon the separate Flowboy confuses me. Slight paranoid thoughts come up that there was once a Flowboy but he is destroyed because he took shrooms and permanently merged his mind with his tripping partner. I'm not worried though. I let her lead me upstairs to my bed, of which the shape is still sizzling and half-materializing, but getting more and more solid. A book is on the night stand: Conversations with God. This strikes me as a synchronicity because I just remembered that I'm God. But that means I put it there. ====== Next morning, A suggests to listen together to an audio recording of some spiritual guy channeling Bashar, talking about the same stuff that we experienced. Could help us ground it. I hesitantly agree, but it turns out well. One insight from that really made so much sense to me that I had to write it down: Source is creating different characters to experience itself. The sense of separateness, the egos, is what create self awareness. The first reflection. ====== That really feels true as being the purpose of egos. It intuitively made sense to me, because "as Everything" I at one point felt, well, bored? Not quite. But yes to differentiate into separate people would be a good thing. I've heard some guy say, or read somewhere, that after experiencing satori, you realize that what you want isn't satori. D arrives and greets us with hugs. There is this nice calm presence and trust. I can feel the Flowboy having preferences, but that's just what they are. They have no bearing on the present moment and are not to be taken too seriously. There is trust that whatever comes is good. When D is looking at me, and gesturing, I feel myself making those gestures. When A looks at me and talks, I feel her mouth moving. I feel like I've seen the fabric of reality unweave and put back together. I wonder what is beneath the skin of my beautiful talking partner. I imagine her transparent, an infinitely thin layer. She's describing an Ayahuasca trip in color and detail. Interestingly, she mentions that she's not sure whether I'm real, in front of her, or whether she's dreaming me. I know what she means. In the train station. In between a mass of people moving their legs. I am moving all of my legs. What a freaky, and pleasant sensation! I am a gigantic creature with infinite legs crawling through the train station. The sense of identity just expanded. Standing across from strangers, I have a newfound empathy. Flowboy is worried about the stranger being freaked out by too much eye contact. But I also have apprecation for the stranger, experiencing an impression of Flowboy. A sense of impartiality. Arriving home, I run into 3 people I know at the train station. A guy I know from improv class, a girl I dated a week ago, and a girl I dated 13 years ago. This strikes me as a synchronicity. The number of lost acquiaintances contacting me/spontaneously running into me has been ramping up noticably in the past week.

Hi, here are my unedited short summaries of the trips with specified date of tripping: (note: All trips were done alone (my room) during the night, except the third one. The 5th and 6th trip were reported the following day) (the 4 below reported in mid JAN) --- 06 DEC 2018 --- (1) 130ug of LSD = Very radical from expectations. Increased awareness of the "Game of Lights" projected upon "Being". Highly therapeutic effect. A lot of other effects. --- 14 DEC 2018 --- (2) 260ug of LSD = Complete dissolution of self. The mind divided into the divine self and the screaming ego from the depths of being. Ego constantly screaming "there is something important, you're supposed to focus on previous theory and make something out of it" and the Divine Self answering with compassion. Launched a Leo video and while I understood his words, they appeared to be of zero importance. --- 23 DEC 2018 --- (3) 470ug of LSD = While lying on bed the dose kicked in SUPER HARD. In like 15 seconds I was swallowed by the bed, then the entire reality + me collapsed upon itself. For at least 6hr I and the world were completely GONE, except for when I went to pee. Walking to the sink during those 6hr felt like being THE CARTOON (not in it, I was gone). I especially value the effects after 12hr (trip lasted 22hr) because mental clarity kicked in and the mind was exceptionally good at sourcing insights. There were 2 insights. --- 04 JAN 2019 --- (4) 220ug of LSD = Heard the Divine Voice. Somehow I still remember it but at the same time I can't replicate it in my head. Note that it wasn't a distortion of music playing, because when I removed headphones I was still hearing it. Saw how reality is similar to infinite fractals with the purpose of expressing God's beauty. (the 4 above reported in mid JAN) --- 12 JAN 2019 --- (5) (reported 13 JAN) 330ug of LSD = UNUSUAL TRIP (there was a strong sense of consciousness thru the trip, which was almost completely absent on previous trips). Experiencing the mind of God. Getting a decent sneak peak into how I exist within the fractal reality. Seeing how reality is striving towards union. Out of Love for Love. Hearing once again the divine voice. A very interesting experience on how I exist as a "creature". Once the beam of awareness beamed upon itself, asking what it is: Just God's Perception/Nothingness/Illusion. --- 25 JAN 2019 --- (6) (reported 26 JAN) 220ug of LSD = FAILED TRIP. 30 min after I took the tabs, the neighbor from beneath got his hanging clothes on fire because of the idiot neighbor from above. So just as the trip started to begin, I began to worry that my parents might wake up and interrupt me/catch me tripping during peak. Also I lit some candles which added the additional worry that someone from the street might think it was my fault (again, the idiot from above confirmed later that he caused the fire). This incident caused the trip to be by far the worst and least productive one. ### Below I'll go into more depth after weeks of integration and figuring out the blurry maze: The most fruitful trips were 1,3 and especially 5. Leo's latest vids and additional studying clarified the many insights and states I experienced. Let's start by describing the most beautiful 10 minutes of life: the peak of the 5th trip. (5) For whatever reason I was WAY more sensible to LSD on that day. After just 5 minutes (looked at stopwatch, not by possibly different time-perception) I started feeling it entering my body. Drinking 0,5l of strong tea just before the peak added additional alertness. During the peak I experienced a singular source which was giving birth to infinite/fractal like bubbles of perception, my ego was one of those bubbles. However during the peak I was the nothingness outside those bubbles. A week or two after the trip it occurred to me it was exactly like Leo's sponge metaphor in "What is Perception?" episode. The godly voice at 38:45 ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXhhpxt_OoI ) soaked into my mind so fucking hard, I was just hearing it in a loop without headphones (and labeled it the divine voice in my report above). During the morning I walked thru the city and saw how the stuff around me was just a "beauty fractal". Beauty leaking thru everything. I re-confirmed one insight which repeated almost in all trips: How absolutely everything was interconnected and moving towards one single union. It was very hard to logically process it (though experientially easy to bring back from memory) and put it in words, but over time it became more clear. (3) This one was so radically different from the rest. Changing the dosage just a little made exponentially more difference. Taking 470ug was by far the most mentally exhausting 22 hours of my life. And yes the trip lasted this long))) I took the dose early morning. So I took the tabs and the waiting for the kick-in was as usual. However at 1hr+ the dose kicked in super hard and super fast. It felt like enjoyable dying. For 5 minutes nice visuals, then I was literally falling thru my bed (not physically) and then the whole fucking world collapsed onto me and VANISHED (all in a few seconds). It was the only trip where I completely lost my shit (self-control). For example, 6hr after vanishing I was running thru the apartment like a wild animal (thank god didn't hurt myself or jump from the window, really should have trip sitter at this high doses) having absolutely zero idea what the fuck was going on. My mind was shattered into hundreds of pieces and at 8hr I was trying to literally construct my ego back from those broken pieces. And I was so incredibly conscious of the ego reconstructing process. Note that I did open my eyes while going to pee between 4-6hr, but it wasn't done by me. Hard to explain, but it was literally a dreamy/euphoric cartoon and my body was a part of/controlled by it. I invited my friend over at 12hr to bless him with some LSD. I was trying to cook pasta when he came but my sense of space was completely fucked (felt like my left arm was floating thru the room) so I handed the task to him. After nourishing my body with energy, I blessed my friend (waited 1,5hr for his belly to digest the food) with his first ever trip (gave him 220ug so he would have a break-thru, he's well developed so no worry). He had radically different trip then my trips, proving that it all differs from person to person. At around 16-18hr it was extremely easy to source out insights, because the LSD still had strong effects but I had some mental clarity. One big insight was experiencing the infinite sphere which contained all possible forms inside it. It's like a block of sand, which contains lots of forms depending on how you look at them. Talking with my best friend while both under LSD was one of a kind experience. I regained self-control when his peak kicked-in. At 20hr I tried to sleep but couldn't because effects were still strong. For example at 21hr while watching Blade Runner 2049 the image was 3d and sounds really heightened. (1) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/28760-insane-results-from-my-first-ever-lsd-trip/#comment-331316 ### Conclusions: LSD is an incredibly powerful tool, and I'm extremely happy I didn't listen to guys telling me to not do it weekly under my second trip report (which I deleted because it was too honest for them and too toxic for me). What really motivated me to write this post is to confirm Leo's words that yes, you can realize God and go really deep with stuff like LSD (and it's WAY easier to get then 5Meo). However you need a very healthy mind. Before doing those trips I've been doing self-development for 4-6 years and worked on my psyche pretty good. For example my friend (which did way less work then me) had worse results on both of his trips. He experienced a lot of regret and ego resistance while I had none of these. I listened to my intuition and glad that I did it! Overall the trips were like going thru a blurry yet intimate psyche-maze . With the exception of the 5th trip (and second half of third trip), which all of a sudden was soaked with consciousness and zero confusion. By confusion I mean when most of your brain is activated it's very hard to concentrate only on one part of it which responds for talking or memory. Example: on 4th trip I was looking at the stopwatch (counting from taking the tabs) after peak and making very hard effort to remember what was the purpose of it. Setting "goals" before LSD trips proved completely useless most of the time. These trips made lifelong changes on my mind. Wish everyone could experiment (starting small doses for average folk and below) with LSD, because it's highly therapeutic and hard to not benefit from it. Even my 6th "failed" trip did had it's purpose. (One other insight I had during all trips is that everything has it's purpose) PS. Has anyone tried Modafinil/Armodafinil + LSD (so they'll peak at the same time) ? I'd like to recreate the sudden presence of awareness during the 5th trip by combining the two. PSS. The reason I specified the reporting dates so clear is to highlight how many insights have a lot of similarities with Leo's 13 awakenings latest vid, especially the fractal parts, even though I reported that long before watching his latest vids. (It's very easy to fall into the trap of confirming other Guru's words, instead of sourcing out the Truth for yourself) Out of Love for Love!

From what I know, the "elephant in the room" that no one notices also relates to spirituality/non-duality. Those quotes are relative truths. The No-self (Nothingness) is without embodiment (no body), and no phenomenon (without an external environment), and when you become it, you're fully conscious of it. However, the "elephant in the room" is "empty space." It's "thin air." It has no embodiment, but it has a phenomenon. Enlightenment is the No-self, but it also involves transformation back into your ego. And yes, part of it, you become the "elephant in the room." Another name for it is the "observing self."

Happened to read a book dont delay Enlightenment by a person called Bagavath Ayya. I am posting the link of the free ebooks authored by him. Basically his teaching is understand that concious mind cannot control the unconcious mind. And what ever concious mind experiences the thoughts emotions feelings etc comes from the conditionings of the subconcious. So dont try to resist what ever thoughts emotions feelings come. Let there be free flow of thoughts emotions with out resistance. This understanding is called enlightenment he claims ??? He discards all the traditional self realization, Nothingness, ego death or complete identity lessness. Http://www.sribagavath.org/ebooks/ Request people read the book don't delay Enlightenment and comment leisurely. ???