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It's over 8pm right now. And the fucking sun won't set. It looks like it's still day outside. I'm home alone. My parents are at some theater and my little sister said four hours ago that she's "going out". She hasn't even gotten out of primary school and she's going out already. I should be the one who goes out in this family. I'm trying to reach my little sister because she should be home already but she won't answer. I hear mopeds on the road next to our house. I feel like everyone is having fun except me. Our dog just lost her shit for some reason and started barking like crazy. I got frightened but apparently no one is going to murder me. I really don't wonder why suicide rates are higher at spring. I can't handle this amount of light and it's only going to get worse. I am tired and I feel like shit. I haven't done anything reasonable today, I've just been lazy. Everything feels weird. It almost feels like I'm on some different planet or something. But at least it feels nice to complain about all of this

Sweet fucksticks, really? I have no doubts about capitalism being the issue, though. Given rates of incarceration and suicide.

I've had this same thought. But what exactly is rock bottom? How deep you think you can go? Narcotics, Rape, Murder, Jail, Suicide? Where does it end, surely there is always a lower low you can get to and a higher high. Guess what, if from this moment onwards you commit to doing what you want then this moment will literally be rock bottom for you. But you don't need to turn everything around, nor can you. Just pick something to do and do it every day. Start by reading a book every day, commit to reading at least one word in a book every day just one word inside the book and commit 100% no exceptions for 60 days. Make it a book you're interested in as well (maybe one on procrastination or psychology or depression). Read Loving What Is by Byron Katie and then do The Work on the belief "I need to hit rock bottom". Good luck!

@kindayellow Similarity between the concept of physical death and ultimate happiness is an unsettling one, but in my experience, it's undeniable. In moments of great peace, it also slipped my tongue that 'I could die right now". The reconciliation of this morbid connection comes from understanding the mechanics of desire. When we desire, we want something to be present. We strive for it to release ourselves from this feeling. Satisfaction comes from release, not from fulfillment/happiness. This is why desire is suffering. In this sense, death is the ultimate release. The end of time. To conflate this understanding with harm of the physical body is a great misunderstanding. To kill the body in escape from desire is to desire to be desire-less. Suicide is the ultimate confusion. If you feel truly happy, truly free, there is no need to do anything. Why would you kill yourself then? Why would you keep on living? This is why enlightenment is not-knowing.

Specially since the pursuit of enlightenment (if done improperly) can lead to depression. All it takes is for a person to mistakingly identify with nothingness instead of getting rid of identification altogether. That is the recipe for depression, nihilism, and potentially suicide.

If I may add my own two cents: There have been posts where people claimed they were going to claim suicide. I've seen two myself. That is the real issue which something should be done about, maybe a pinned suicide prevention post. As for the claims regarding these posts being deleted/hidden by mods, i have not seen such a thing myself.

The exact same thing happened to me and I totally understand what you are going through. Leo's video called "what is god" sent me into a dark solipsistic hell hole from which I have not yet escaped fully from. Yes, nobody exists as any separate physical entity it is just one consciousness interacting with itself, but your finite mind is not the only finite mind. The ideas Leo peddles here are dangerous and go against compassion and respect for others. Why be kind and respectful if all that exists is just you and your mind? Go and read the nature of consciousness by Rupert Spira, although it is a bit unsettling, it's not nearly as nihilistic and dark as the stuff here and actually helped me. I am sorry to say it but I think Actualized.org has turned into a cult and it's only a matter of time before somebody commits suicide. Leo's recent videos have fucked with my head and now I am just going through the motions of life like a dead program. Please correct me everyone if I have totally got the wrong perspective on this?

@Paul92 Let's get to core of your unhappiness first which is your break up. I want you to notice something about happiness. I want to propose that happiness really comes from inside you as opposed to other people. What happens is that you let go of your happiness from your heart and project it on other people. You then regain it when you are intimate with those people. But if the two of you fall apart, she'll take your happiness with you. If you want to stop your sadness, all you need to do is to allow your happiness to return to you. There is no need for anti-depressants and suicide.

Has leo not masturbated for 30 days? While he was on retreat i was thinking 1 week: —oh man he must be meditating right now 2 week: —damn he is surely already into it. 3 week: what the fuck i hope his doing 5 meo! how boring!!! BUT It would not have been better to complete the 30 days and conclude zero results on orthodox practices? To achieve this god molecule you will need to stick the 5meo in your butt? Is not the actual state (whatever the level you think) THE actual state with big letters and in consequence the possible—divine? Is Leo possesed by the maze of his big mind? in consequence now he created god? Is he going to suicide? Is Leo actually opened to certain rare level while trippin due to all of his previous work and dedication? (Which maybe he is the only capable and really into the rabbit hole) Is Leo silent?

I try and fulfil the boredom but lately nothing is fulfilling it. It's more conscious (ie eyes open, doing stuff) emptiness than boredom. Everything seems just completely pointless, including suicide, which I pondered, slightly. Everything is just like, going at its own rate, there's no "fun" anymore there just "is" without sounding cliche. The other thing is my Grandad died last week and the whole family is still upset about it but I didn't even shed one tear. Grief seems stupid, to me he has either reincarnated and he is a baby somewhere or he merged with "Consciousness" and that's the end of it. I don't really know what to make of my lack of compassion?

Hey everyone this is my first ever post,I'm glad to be here. I'm having a big hard situation right now... I been doing actualized.org work progress and personal development since I was 18 years old(now I'm 23). Since then I was doing good with my life,been doing my life purpose,having up and downs but always being aware with my higher self and intuition...I had this flight on October through November(1 month) last year,I went to Nashville,TN for 3 weeks and 1 week with the idea to "live in New York". Somehow my intuition told me to go back to Puerto Rico wich is where I live now and before the flight but I came back diferently,the trip was hard and by myself...Before the trip I blocked all the people I had sex with to just "forget them" but karma did his thing. I knew since I buyed that ticket for go and live in the USA wasn't the best idea... Fastfoward to now I had to said sorry to everyone including the people I blocked.I felt weird and not grounded(and I been meditating for years)also been dealing with a porn/masturbation recovery. The thing is that now I'm dealing with a trauma and I belive is a PTSD symptom. I can't even go out anymore because I feel the outside world is my enemy(the way a victim thinks). I been aware most of my live until now that I feel the right opposite,like something happened on that trip... Since I cameback from the trip I tried by myself: LSD(December),DMT(on group but wasnt big,it made my symptoms worst),thats why I did later Magic Mushroom(for "grounding") on January and finally MDMA on February. I did it alone but in a urban place... I knew I had to fix this but can't do it alone,it's been getting worst and worst the symptoms like a spiral that now I came back to live with a family member wich I know they are not so "aware of themself" and my parents are separated and my mom live outside Puerto Rico and my dad doesn't have a car so we can met and he is having his trouble with money... I thought suicide but not yet...I visited a psychologist and then took pills for depression from a psychiatrist (wich I felt to let go after a week,felt worst). The last option for me is do an Ayahuasca ceremony but not sure if it gonna work on me,I have small faith,very small,need to wait a week or so for the day to come...I even done nootropics but still,not helping to fix the main problem... Someone have suggestion or know some similar experience? Thankyou for everyone who could read my story. Blessings.

Okay, so, someone(probably) just killed himself /herself and all I see is mocking, memes, jokes and all sort of individuals showing off their "knowledge" and spiritual egos... I find this interesting, yet horrifying. Honestly, I can't see how you can make the decision to kill yourself out of a place of consciousness and enlightment,most of the time it would come from a place of suffering and loneliness. The truth is that no of you personally knew him/her, so you don't know what kind of person he/she was or what kind of problems he/she was facing, so you should shut up. You are just making assumptions about his "conscious death" that came from a "place of free will". Also, please imagine you are one of his/her relatives and you discover this particular post... You'll see people making jokes and memes instead of trying to help or at least get to the reasons behind this action.Isn't it a bit weird why he hasn't fully expressed his reasons for committing suicide? I highly doubt that most of you are enlightened, yet most of you claim to know what happens after death and claim to have knowledge about the mechanics of the existence itself - _-...when in fact they are just beliefs. Spiritual egos are indeed dangerous. I'm pretty sure people will start mocking me subtly. Go ahead, I'm not near the level of personal and spiritual development that you have attended, I surely need your valuable insights. Personally, I no longer see any purpose in continuing this thread, I would advise the mods to close it.

@Truth Addict That's exactly what I thought, because I'm sure I have been repressing all kinds of feelings for a really long time. Yesterday I was focusing on relax and let all the emotions come up without trying to get way from them, Lots of things came to the surface, and I know there's more yet to come @SriBhagwanYogi thanks for sharing the video, all watch it !! I really like Spira, he was the first teacher that I watched and actually understood what he was talking about @Javad The problem is I think, that before going to non duality and spirituality, I tried the main stream self-help to grow my self identity, and most of this traditional self-help doesn't deal with the core issues, they make you forget about your feelings and emotions and give techniques to change yourself, like trying control the thoughts, pretending to be who you want to be, and all sorts of non sense. I've been doing this for some years, and it has probably repressed a lot of feelings, and eventually they had to come, probably the awakening was a trigger to them @WelcometoReality This thread perfectly described what is going on, very helpful , thanks !!! @Gabriel Antonio I am always open to the possibility,I am always trying to look for more options, but I can see much difference between this and depression, I had depression when I was a teen, and I got treatment, I remember the accompanying feelings were, a really strong hate towards myself, and others, a deep sense of sadness, anger, feeling like a victim from the world and life, and of course, thinking that suicide was a way out. Right now this feeling that I was facing doesn't have any of it, it's more like how would you feel if you found out that you actually don't have any control, when all the mind is built upon the assumption that it has control, and all that people search all their lives is to control, because people don't want happiness or freedom, they want control, the mind wants to control, but it can't but anyway, I will book an appointment with a psychiatrist, I wanted to do it for a while now, and I think now is a good time thanks for the reply !! @Nadosa That's true, most people who are suffering don't like to think about this possibility, and going to doctors for me was always the last option, depression is the disease that most affect people in the world (or so the medicine says), I know a bunch of people that the doctors diagnosed having depression and now are having to take pills everyday, just to numb them, I know people who have been taking medicine for depression for more than twenty years, people who have gone to lots of doctors and haven't gotten better, so most of the causes of depression are surely not physical,

We are all suffering and feel pain. We all want relief. Suicide can seem like the least worst option. And we get to seize back control and self esteem by being able to choose when and how we go. But even a life of suffering is really amazing and precious and it's okay just to carry on and grow and mature and learn how to escape the suffering in the end. Maybe you get to live and not suffer?

@Mikael89 We don’t know for sure what happened to him, yet mocking someone’s suicide is over the line. Please tone it down,

@Fountainbleu I overcame a severe TBI which occurred 3 years ago. It lasted for 2 full years. After losing everything, I'm back to 100% and, now, way beyond. Minor recommendations: Meditate like your life depends on it. In complete blackness. Watch how quickly your suffering (not your pain) goes away. Journal every day. Go full out with self-actualization and use this opportunity to rebuild your entire life. That's how I used my concussion. Major recommendations: Immediately switch to a whole foods plant based diet. Nutritionfacts.org is one solid resource. Consider getting photobiomodulation therapy done: https://bioflexlaser.com/ (this may take anywhere from 10-30-50 sessions). My recommendation would be to go in for an initial diagnostic and then rent a unit and take it/ ship it home. It will be much cheaper that way. There are now a bunch of locations in the US and Canada. Personal Note: A long time ago I planned to write an entire post on here about this. Once I found this, I healed by 90% in 2 weeks. There's no guarantee that it will work for you, but it's worth a shot. It's side-effect free. It uses light to stimulate the dead/non-functional cells, especially the mitochondria. It then produces ATP and increases oxygen absorption. The technology is so ridiculously simple but so ridiculously effective that I convinced my dad who's a Neurologist to put it into his practice. As I was working with him last summer (for about a month) I cured 3 people who had chronic migraines for over 50 years. And I've never heard from them again. DO NOT go back to work, school, or anything. Take time completely off to heal. And then use every second to get better. DO NOT go back on anti-depressants or ANY medication except headache medication. Only if you're about to commit suicide would I recommend anti-depressants. People saying to take medication so that you can start a business and make money is the DUMBEST SHIT I've ever heard in my life. If you listen to your body and take care of it, it will take care of you. Manipulating it for good grades, success, achievement, and money (which I tried to do) will leave you more depressed and more anxious and more sick and more miserable than you could ever imagine. You will literally go in the opposite direction of healing. Please PM me if you'd like to talk. Virtually no one has any idea how to cure concussions or TBI. My dad, who's a neurologist, couldn't even help me. You're especially not going to find the answers on this forum. To even find that one resource I shared with you took years of research and was a divine gift from the universe. The great irony is that the concussion itself was also a divine intervention from the universe. It's how I found Actualized.org! I was fortunate enough to meet the guy who invented it and received treatment from him directly. Hopefully you won't squander what I've said here. This information was unbelievably hard won. PS: @Leo Gura I've frequently heard you talking about your thyroid and other various physical ailments. Hopefully your right knee isn't still giving you trouble from that Reiki post I made a while back Maybe we can ask that girl to send you another long-distance transmission. I've been struggling to think of ways to provide value to you. Hopefully you can check out this resource (https://bioflexlaser.com/ ) if things ever get out of hand.

I had this realization today from Leo's video on Self-Deception. It would seem that life is inherently full of suffering. The only way to raise your levels of consciousness is to suffer for a temporary amount of time. Is life then not worth living. Im not contemplating suicide but I just don't see whats wrong with it. I guess high consciousness must be worth all the suffering. Is my mind self-deceiving me into thinking that the suffering is worse than it really is, if I suffer consciously.

What happens when someone commits suicide? I guess it would be very funny to wanna escape from life and return to the same place you were before Lol.

So ..... Sharp is dead now then? Hasn't been online since yesterday, and was quite adamant about suicide, so seems he went thru with it. Born in 1960, so a pretty good run of 59 years. I've seen many people on this forum thru the years say they are going to commit suicide. Wonder how many actually went thru with it. Never any way of knowing. Now 'Sharp' is God realized, so yay.

Happy explosion brother. I mean, you don't have to do it, it comes down to stillness, in mind and body, or love, but what ever you do is fine. I would write a carefully written suicide note to your past loved one's, and be as honest as you can, don't leave them in unanswered questions. And don't beat yourself up over it if you don't decide to do it. But the point is, it's accessible here and now!

On a serious note the thought of suicide rises sometimes on downcycles for me. For me it is the great equaliser because you cannot go lower than suicide. I take a minute or an hour to just be, in the suicidal mood, and mind tends to GTFO and the end of the downcycle arrives IN THE MOMENT and changes to an upcycle. Spirituality for me and many I have spoken to is about cycles of up down up down up down it is NOT constant like all these teachers make it out to be. Without going down you cannot go up higher. Thankfully the cycles have slowed down lately but they still happen. It's life!

@Preetom :) great wisdom on suicide

All the meme and jokes aside, I think it would be great if death and suicide could be culturally re-contextualized. Actually there is nothing wrong in the the drive for death or to commit suicide. It is one of the natural(probably the most intense) urges of the mind. Why? Well because death is the ultimate release. It is the innate intelligence in us that does everything for seeking pleasure and avoiding pain, it knows that dying will be the ultimate happiness/release. Osho used to say that it is probably impossible to find a person who has never contemplated suicide. If a person never glimpsed the urge for his own annihilation or meaninglessness of life, he is either an animal or just plain stupid. In any endeavor to fulfill any of our desire, we actually don't crave the object of desire. We merely crave for the release after that desire is subsided, that even, clam, self-happiness or relief. Looking in this way, it is obvious that an urge for suicide is actually a wake up call; not something that is to be treated as taboo. It's a wake up call to wake up from the dream and be what one really is. But there are countless stupid ways to treat this intelligent message. Killing the physical body is probably the most stupid way out of them. The urge for suicide is not the urge for annihilation of the physical body. This flesh doll is already dead. It is the urge to get relief from the hideous cancer which is the sense of being a separate self, the ultimate tyrant there is

* Initiate quantum suicide *

distract them for few minutes from suicidal thoughts. That should do the work. probably 99% suicidal thoughts/attempts are not clearly and consciously chosen decision made over a long period of time. Mostly it is just a fickle mind virus that takes one over for a short time. If that short time can be countered by shifting the attention to something else, usually that suicide impulse die out as well.