Annonymous

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About Annonymous

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    Oklahoma
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    Female

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  1. Is anything true if it's believed enough? Like how in a dream you can only manifest stuff within the dream like flying, etc if you believe you can? I know this may sound stupid but does what many call real life work like dreams in that believing enough can do different stuff even psychic powers, etc.
  2. I took a test online to see which chakras I need to work on. My root chakra, sacral chakra, crown chakra being the least opened chakras.
  3. Looking at my self-hatred there's mostly just fear. Christ taught to love, (I don't know why I turn Christ into a devil). Sorry for the late reply
  4. I thought about it some more and a couple of reasons I don't like my sexuality because I feel like it just make me weak somehow. I could more easily accept my sexuality then my gender dysphoria, but still would be difficult(but I have to accept both which seems near impossible). I have enjoyed my sexuality at times but self-hatred immediately comes back after triggers arise. I have always wanted to be a leader but I feel like to be a leader I have to somehow be straight and especially remove my gender dysphoria. Reason I have been questioning who I am so much is because I'm trying to figure out where my gender dysphoria and sexuality came from.(along where did I come from, lastly where did everything/everyone come from) I lost one of my best friends to my sexuality + gender dysphoria. I didn't want anyone to find out but people have more and more found out. I lived most of my life in dissociation/traumatic shock(I'm 19.5 years old btw) because I was sexually abused as a child most of my childhood. I later got into spirituality because of having sleep paralysis then meeting some being, a being that has showed up in my dreams ever since I was 15 years old. At times I can love myself but as soon as triggers show up I immediately began hating myself again over my sexuality + gender dysphoria. I eventually discovered my sexuality and gender dysphoria when I was younger as I did meditation, etc. I have also have done shamanic breathing quite a bit(helped a bunch, got me to began healing from my past to some degree) . More memories have continued to come up whether they are random or if they are traumatic.
  5. Basically bisexual but more steps. (You know that meme, because bisexual being sexually attracted to 2 genders, yes there's only 2 genders). There's masculine and feminine energies, feminine acts a certain way, and masculine acts another way. The so called other genders are just traits coming from the feminine + masculine energies mixed but different degrees.(Honestly needs a different name/term, not to be foolishly thought as more than 2 genders, genders are basically body types with there being only 2 body types designed for reproduction). So by being pansexual you aren't just attracted to both genders as the term holds the meaning of, but different combined energies(feminine, masculine), or then we could go as far as to say personalities. So as I have explained, you can just call me bisexual. I mean I guess I have some sort of sense of "I", being that certain choices affect my body/environment(so I should be careful in what choices I make), but what I mean is I don't feel connected to really anything or anyone. Sorry for any confusion, maybe its' dissociation or extreme depression. Main reasons for self-hatred is being raised in a Christian household, if Christianity is correct then I will go to hell to having same sex, etc. Other reason being that I feel like I'll be at some sort of disadvantage(basically discriminated against), and I want to do something big with my life, but being discriminated against mostly jobs could limit my success. Then more other than that, I'm trans, or let's say for weird reason I want to dress feminine(I don't understand why). Only thing I can come up with is because when I was younger, I was sexually abused from 5 years to 13 years old, my sisters would dress me up as a woman, etc. I believe that it must be mental conditioning or something, I have hate to myself because more than just being bi no one will take me seriously if they know I'm trans, especially being trans. I have done shamanic breathing a bunch, and keep doing it, because maybe there's trauma or something. My biggest obstacle from getting enlightenment is this inner conflict within myself, also from being happy.
  6. I don't know what to do, I was raised in a christian household. I seem to be pansexual, but still hold my christian roots to some degree which brings self-hatred. I'm also an 11 in numerology life path, everything in my life feels out of control. Even though it has gotten better, I don't really feel like there's even a person (me) even here for an example writing this message. How am I supposed to move on when there's no sense of I, like no one is here. I don't know what I want, and feel kinda irritated because till I know what/who I am then I'm just wasting time. Recently many people found out about my sexuality,guess one of the people told another person til it got out to more people. I even lost one of my best friends due to my sexuality.
  7. Not sure any advice I could give but just know that you aren't alone, I suffer from depression almost 24/7. If you ever need to talk I'm here for you
  8. Sorry I believe I may have posted this in the wrong section, if it is please move it, thanks.
  9. I am trying to make connections between religions in my work of going through non-duality. If you have anything helpful to help me through this process of making these connections I'd appreciate it.
  10. I want to add something, may be completely pointless, hopefully it adds to the title of please help. Ug feeling irritated, it feels like spirit guides, any god any religion prays to doesn't exist because i've tried before and nothing. People claim that they can talk to entities(Spirit Guides, Gods, etc) yet if I try nothing happens just me sitting and getting frustrated with zero response. For some reason in the past and at times I'll hear my name being called and if I respond nothing happens. This happens randomly and no one is there calling my name yet I hear it being called. Only has happen a few times in the past and one time today, keep dreaming that I speak with some entity or while I sleep or even with a group of entities. Makes no sense yet the dreams feel extremely real. Some people if asked where they think they are would say in their head, yet somehow I feel like I'm everywhere like I'm not really in this body. Don't even know how to explain this type of feeling I have completely and hope it makes sense.
  11. Why does the ego freakout when facing that it's not real,etc?
  12. I'm 19 and a half years old, began lucid dreaming and astroprojecting when I was 15-16 years old. I had first worked to open the third eye when I was like 16 years old.
  13. Hey I have been having dissociation extremely bad some may say, been having ego death like crazy and I seem to loose everything quite a bit of the thought that I'm everything and everything is me, that time is just an allusion, etc. That everything going on is just a story, and I'm in this body viewing all the body's thoughts, watching people and everything like it's a movie. Any advice on handling this stuff, I'm 11 in numerology so it seems like enlightenment is coming regardless so I can't just forget it, in one of Leo's videos he talks about the dangers of enlightenment but enlightenment chose me it feels like. There's no going back and only forwards for this journey for me I have seen way too much at this point.
  14. Which politician running for President in 2020 are you voting for? Looking for which is the most conscious, and higher up on spiral dynamics. I know I won't be voting for Trump, in the past I used to be a Trump supporter but quit supporting him the beginning of this year. I never voted for him though because I was too young to vote, currently 19 and a half so this will be my first election to vote in.
  15. That's what's up, love his work and making progress step by step.