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>Notes with ">" are me commenting after the fact >Also I cut out things that were just so useless that didn't add anything, Mushroom Trip Report 004 Trip Hype Music lol https://youtu.be/80qd6UJn4QI I've got a lot of fear with this one, but fear points North. Fear is just a part of myself that I have not loved and accepted yet. As all is one. See my bone writing page of December 20th, 2020. Put it here. Bone Writing: Feel the fear and do it anyway. When you're nervous for a shroom trip, that's just an indicator that your mind knows a part of it is going to die. So as a result, it introduces fear and anxiety as a self-preserving defense mechanism. Fear and anxiety is a good sign that growth is ahead. So feel the fear and do it anyway. I got to read that book. It might even help me with fear. But what will really help me transcend fear is by contemplating about it and tripping about it's nature. I need to watch Leo's videos on fear. With experience, fear is overcome. I think having more positive shroom trips at the high dosages will be beneficial. Well in Truth, they're all positive. Really positive. Well at least after I face the Dragon/ the peak. Honestly, it's like how it is with those water slides. The hardest part is getting on the slide. Likewise, the hardest part is getting on the trip, and getting past the come-up. With experience, my fear will dissipate. I trust my subconscious that anything I experience is for my best interest. I would never truly hurt myself. Therefore, I am safe. Starfish and enjoy my friend. (Scared of Mirrors) Whatever I fear, it will be overcome with more experience. Through great healing comes rapture. Fear is the gate, and a manifestation of your inner calling. Fear is what points North. You know a mirror can't hurt you, what you fear is a part of yourself that you haven't loved and accepted yet. Because it is all you. It's all one. It's all God! It's all infinite love! I give up my love to the world. And my love comes back. Whatever happens for me is for my spiritual growth. December 20th 2020 2 grams of golden teachers. Grinded the mushrooms as much as I could. Came out to many very small pieces. Soaked in lemon juice, made tea with with it, strained it with a French press. Consumed the tea on an empty stomach. Intention: Release Trauma from Bullying Taken at 4:18pm Immediately feel brain effects. 20 minutes in, feeling a slight shift in consciousness. 24 min Colours more Vivid Feeling different. Things subtly moving here and there. 25 minutes, yawning. Feeling activation in my brain. It's definitely kicking in now. 29 min Sleepy, yawning. What if shit moving is the default state of reality? >What if there is no default state? What if shit moving is the default state of reality? >What if there is no default state? 36 min Yeah I'm in for a good activation. Something is coming out of me I know I know I know 38 min Yep the come up is now. My hands are shaking, maybe from Fear. The creature is coming out. That was only the first small peak, I'm in for the greatest ride of my life, so far. Be present to get out of your head and into your life. 45min We in it. >Hahaha Maybe there isn't that much trauma there, because I've already grown. Maybe I'm not focussing on it enough. >Wasn't focusing on it enough. So much yawning. Ok Music time. (I don't even put on the music) 49min My hand is looking like an ape. 54min (Starting to do trauma Work) Crying and laughing. We in it. > So at this point I was going to town releasing trauma, laughing and crying, laughing and crying. 1h17min Shit moves. My head is Alien. Mom I don't want to look at your eyes fuck you. >My mom was being the therapist there, helping me release my trauma. Her eyes looked freaky on shrooms. 1h 41min Yeah shit is super trippy. It's like it's moving in slow motion like you're watching the matrix and it's like cutting frame by frame. Reality is like a fucking dream. (reality is really feeling like a dream at this point. Like the parts of the brain that are connected makes it feel like you're in the dream world. ) You know right now it feels like you're at the top of a roller coaster and you don't get that release of going down. You're just stuck at the top of the drop with that anxiety. But I think this is what it means to feel Fully Alive, to have your being be completely present. Okay sober me, listen. You not looking at yourself here on shrooms, is like refusing to look at your toes. You have to fully accept and embrace and love the black holes of eyes and your mother. As a consciousness being, you're always alone anyways. It was only you. 1h 54 min Reality is a complete fucking dream. I've also already released a lot of emotion. I can see how if you are tripping so hard, reality is gone. Why does God want to experience anxiety? So he can feel Fully Alive. But God is alive, is God is nothingness (beliefs). Just expressing himself. Well he's here. Reality is existing right now. Why doesn't it not? God could totally just make it that nothing exists. But I guess this is what the natural way is. It's just reality. Reality super deep. I know. 2h There's nothing but God completely filling all of your ear holes and eye holes. There's just so much God to experience. It's overwhelming. Wow. Reality do be Vivid and intense. Like I'm in it. I really in it. You're going to love an ego death. In time you will come to face all of your fears and love all of reality. Even the intense parts. The intense Parts have to be lived as well. Reality is completely a dream right now. Like I'm sleeping. The Greatest Adventure in your life is in your consciousness. Life is just Consciousness expressing itself to you. You're just dancing with yourself that in a very infinite way. Facing your fears is what makes you feel so alive. Every receptor my body is fully alive. Fear is what makes you fully alive. >If you want to feel fully alive, run towards what you fear. It feels like a dream, I feel though at the same time a strange amount of safeness, I feel so safe. Nothing can harm me, it's just all experience. Yeah you're going to fear your next trip, but that's okay. That is okay like I am, right now. It is all in your life plan to feel fear before you go on a trip. Just like how you become calm in the regular world. You will become calm in the shroom world. You'll get used to it. And you'll find it your new home. It's just another part of reality. (Talking about differences in Consciousness from person to person) The way I see reality is completely different in the way you see reality. We're like on different planets. We're experiencing our own planet. > realizing that people are fundamentally unable to be understood. Because all we know is from our projections. 3h Peak is probably gone because eyes are not appearing in my mind's eye and bleeding into reality anymore. >Hallucinations less intense. Life is just you experiencing yourself. The Greatest Adventure in life is the one in your mind. https://youtu.be/Lv-SvmaPCKI You keep running, but you're just running away from yourself. Shadow work is so easy while I'm shrooms. Even when you're crying, you still feel like your hugged. I'm finally getting the hug that I deserve. Reality is just a constant merging with "out there" and "in here". Out there in reality & in here in your mind. Out there looks freaky, but then you realize that freaky is you. Right now I'm looking at my hand. The back of my hand. >It's looking pretty freaky. Just learn to sit there and enjoy the moment, because the moment is so invigorating. Trust that you will feel FUCKING AMAZING after the trip. >Start looking forward to the positives from the trip! It's an amazing adventure! Going to a bob marley concert on shrooms would be amazing. Like going in real life, with people all around you. https://youtu.be/1A95dcLxAuA (Shrooms are) Redemption from your mind. It is true. Let love guide you, not fear. (me reflecting on the courage I had to go on this trip.) This art is stellar. I think there's a face in it behind the 2d drawings. But its hard to make out. Reality is a gift. Every state of consciousness is a gift that you're given. Even the really shitty boring states of consciousness. If you're in your fear long enough you just become comfortable with it. You just need more exposure time, giving you that exposure time allows for a merge to happen. I'm really convinced that the way I experience reality is completely fucking different than how you experience reality. I'm talking to you (anyone). Fear is just a Deeper love. (Hidden behind a Gate) Let love guide you, not fear. This is a law to myself. Reality is only boring because you've been in it for so long. Your present State of Consciousness has become so normalized is that you got bored of it, if you experience different states of Consciousness, then your normal state of consciousness will feel great. This is amazing https://youtu.be/hC8CH0Z3L54 Fear is what makes you alive. You need fear for it is a part of you. Merge with it. The way you get through trauma is by intentionally merging with it more and more. My most deepest need is to experience all of reality. I'm always trying to figure things out. Your words colour reality. (Saw this on a deeper level) Pause life and be patient. We all REALLY just need to love eachother. Reality works best when we love. Take the ego out and love. Lift everybody up in your mind to the highest. Make everyone a legend. Even if "they're not" a legend in your mind. They are. Everybody is a fucking legend. Through that, I become a legend aswell. If someone doesn't accept your love, then that's just them. They're not ready to accept your love yet. They have to face their own fears. Imagine living a life with ZERO fear, because you've merged completely with it. To do trauma work on shrooms, you just have to repeatedly get the client to merge with what they're traumatized about. Like massaging out a knot in your muscles. Doing trauma work is like massaging out a knot in your muscles. You have to apply pressure on it and kneed it for awhile. You love your friends so much that you withhold saying "I love you" because you love them so much, you're protecting their ego. You withhold saying "I love you" because they're not ready to hear it. Reality is right when you merge with fear. Merging with fear is what gives life its adventure. You are a creature looking for one love source to another love source, when you can just be the love source, and then you will always feel loved. Shrooms are really good for loosening up those dumb little clamps on reality that your mind likes to put on it via belief systems and paradigms. Beliefs about how reality SHOULD be! It breaks all that LOOSE. The reason why shroom trips are so crazy is because you've suppressed the mystery of reality for so long. Do enough shrooms and you'll have no fear. You would have merged with it all. Trust that everybody is living their best survival strategy given their life experience / their soul / their vessel. Shrooms teach us how to love. Imagine being excited for your next shroom trip instead of crying scared. (Which was this morning) Fear is just hidden love. 5h 20 min 5 hours in, my ego is clamping down with the feeling of shame. ("How dare you love all these people!") Which is why the ego can go fuck itself. Definitely sobering up a bit. On shrooms you revert back to the playful creature that you are. I have to make the end of my trips really positive so I have a positive merge with normal reality. This is something I definetly fucked up on, you are still extremely sensitive from a comedown on a trip, so if you are hit with negativity, you really feel it 7h Very much sobered up, but still very sensitive and stimulated. I have to make sure that I am kept in a positive environment until I'm completely sober, cuz I remember that leaving a bad taste in my mouth in my last trip. I was still super sensitive and I received negative input from other people that was around me, and that sucked ass. The eye is a very good metaphor for consciousness. If you look closely enough, it's just Hollow, empty. Consciousness is emptiness. Overcoming fear is the master key to life. Merging with it. When you merge with fear, you get what you want, which is you! Post Trip Report The trip has taught me to love more from a non egoic place. I've released tons of trauma relating to bullies that I've experienced in my life. I realized that they were just using me as a mood changer because they felt inadequate. I also faced a lot of my fears of the visuals that come up on shrooms. Especially my fear of looking at myself in a mirror while having distorted vision. I think I've released a lot of my fear about going on psychedelics because I've had a lot of insight into the nature of fear itself. I can only see that fear continues to be reduced through more and more experience. Which is GOOD! Another thing I've realized through several days after the trip is I cleared out a lot of energy blockages and I somehow have summoned a lot more energy in me. I also have a huge increased ability for emotional authenticity. I just allow emotions to flow through me more authentically and easily.

Blog: Table of Contents 2021: (pg 1 - 8) January 2021 • The Museum Of Alien Life ? • Hyperbolic Geometry of DMT Experiences • Logarithmic Scales of Pleasure & Pain • 4D Toys • Tripping On Xenon Gas • The Depth Of Russian Corruption • Spying The Devil Fish February 2021 • Epistemic Madness • American Psychosis • Society's Deepest Systemic Problems (note) ? • The War On Sensemaking • Plastics Cause Brain Damage (note) • The Infinite Game — Simon Sinek • A Tier 2 Conversation ? ? March 2021 • Street Epistemology—YT channel • Kambo Self-Application (note) • Epistemic Madness Continues • The Essence of Surrendering Ego • The Insane Benefits Of Fasting • The World's Most Toxic Fish April 2021 • Killer Mike On Oneness May 2021 • The Hollowness Of Materialism • High Status Communication • Sapolsky Explains Depression • How Is Sufism Related To Islam? • Christian Mysticism • Zakaria On Post-Pandemic Politics ? • Got My Covid Vaccine ? June 2021 • Microchip Vaccine Conspiracy Theory Origin ? • Now THIS Is Survival! ? • Understanding War (note) • Bootcamp For Pro-Life Foot Soldiers (note) • Creating Intelligence ? • Libertarian Madman • Got My Covid Vaccine - Part 2 ? • Your Banana Sucks (note) July 2021 • Ketamine Klinic (note) • Building A World Out Of Mushrooms • Ignorance Of Infinity ? • What Is Schizophrenia? • Sapolsky On Chaos & Emergence ? ? • How MAGA Infiltrated The Capitol ? • Covid Vaccines More Effective Than You Think • Interpretive Nonsense ? • Political Asymmetry Proven In One Image ?

Oh sweet jesus... I just saw this story is based on a tweet from "human rights activist and author" Jennifer Zeng, who is actually from The Epoch Times FYI: The Epoch Times is recognized as the leading professional conspiracy and fake news operation in the world. It's run by the far-right apocalyptic cult, Falun Gong. Famous for it's spreading of pro-Trump QAnon conspiracies, Covid-19 and anti-vaccination propaganda, as well as various UFOs alien mind control, and other complete nonsense. The cult was banned in China, is now operating in the US with the stated intention of fomenting anti-Chinese sentiments in order to affect US policy towards China. They believe Donald Trump was "sent by heaven to destroy communism", and they specialize in fearmongering fake news about the Chinese government. So without checking I can't say for sure that this particular story is made up, but it's a safe assumption that it's fake news. @Alfonsoo I worry that you are vulnerable to being mislead if you are fed stories like this.

After falling asleep to actualized.org I had a really vivid dream. I was just in my bed and then appeared to have gained consciousness in a space very alien to me, like another dimension. It was me, two others in the same predicament as me and a pretty eerie looking Leo. I say eerie bc that’s how I’d describe the space I was in and he looked like he belonged there. He was teaching us some of the same things he talks about on his channel but with an eerie twist to it. It’d be too long to go into detail but during the dream I appeared to have gained consciousness back in the real world where there was nobody but myself and a bunch of animals trying to kill me! As I’m running for my life Leo is in my head telling me that I was completely imagining this scenario as a test for myself. I eventually woke up to An Advanced Explanation of God-Realization an hour and 36 minutes in where Leo is telling me that I imagined everything! At that exact moment. It was pretty wicked. I never have nightmares either but this seemed relevant to share. Dreams are interesting.

An idea that caught on with me is that we have to develop a healthy ego before it can be transcended. Maybe I heard Ken Wilber put it that way. The idea is also repeated elsewhere such as the Fourth Way. I just got 2 entries out of 18. Confusion About the Term "Ego" Here we digress to point out a source of confusion about the term “ego.” Readers who know both the spiritual and psychological literatures will find the term freely used in both, but with no general agreement on what the term refers to. This ambiguity often leads to confusion. The literature on spiritual development, on essential or inner development, on all matters of religious concern, generally uses the term “ego” to mean something which is seen as the barrier to spiritual realization. The literature on depth psychology, however, uses the term with a very different meaning. The ego referred to by Freud, and which ego psychology studies, is not the ego which is the barrier to spiritual development. They are two different concepts. The psychoanalytic term “ego” refers, rather, to the functional self, which is the site, organizer, and coordinator of the functions of perception, memory, mobility, and so on. There is, however, a concept in depth psychology and ego psychology that coincides with the ego of spiritual literature: it is called the “ego-identity,” and is sometimes referred to as the sense of self, or the sense of identity. This sense of self or separate identity is the main concern of ego developmental theory. This identity is, in fact, the acme, the most important outcome of ego development. It is ultimately the organizing center of the psychic apparatus. This psychic apparatus includes as one of its units the Freudian ego. In other words, the Freudian ego is part of the mind, is a structure or a structured process in it, while the self is a sense of identity and a center of action. The exact sense in which the ego identity is a barrier to spiritual development will become clear in later chapters. The Void, pg. 9 Object Relations Theory Object relations theory has become the dominant psychoanalytic theory of ego development. Its main insight is that the ego develops, primarily through the integration of early experiences, into organized mental structures. These mental structures, termed ego structures, are systems of memories that have become organized through the processes of assimilation or introjection, identification, integration, synthesis, and so on, into an overall schema patterning the self. The Point of Existence, pg. 54 Taken from https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/ego Other categories in the glossary Ego Ego Activity Ego Alien/Ego Syntonic Ego Boundaries Ego Death Ego Defense Ego Deficiency Ego Development Ego Functions Ego Ideal Ego Identity Ego Inadequacy Ego Life Ego Line Ego Metabolism Ego Self Ego Structures

So I wrote this trip report as I experienced it. I also cut out sentences that I deemed were just pointless babble. >But text like this with the ">" behind it is my commentary on it after the fact. This trip was not taken very seriously, really it was me testing the difference between the strains of Golden Teacher and Penis Envy, so the added intention of ridding a negative belief was me putting at least some of the trip to good use. Hope it gives you a couple laughs! +++++++++++++++++++++++ Mushroom Trip Report 003 November 29th 2020 Soaked dat lemon tek for 20 mins Taken at 2:54pm There's probably a lot resistance and fear on this trip because last trip I had an ego death. But this one should be more positive. >Not sure if I actually experienced a full ego death, like a loss of sense of self, but I totally had my fear wiped away for a brief amount of time. Waiting for the floor to start moving lol Kinda late but whatever. Intention: Get to the bottom of my limiting belief: "I can't focus" 13 min in Feeling brain activation. 18 min Noticing small amounts of movement in the floor that is definitely the signature shroom movement. 21 min Noticing the pigment in the hands. Not nearly as much as on other trips. 24 min I'm pretty sure my learning ability just increased. Because learning is just creativity. 26 min Feeling Sensitive. Like if I were to be scared I would die right now. 30 min Getting pretty high. Really feel the emotional take over now. It's okay, it was always okay. Emotions heightened. 35min The human hand is really weird. Very alien and foreign. But that's okay because I am that. Feeling of slight nausea. That's mushroom nausea feeling right now. Floor is moving. Reality gets freaky, but I am the freaky. Reality is a great mystery that I must show myself for I am it. The biggest lesson that I have to always tell myself is to surrender and not take myself so seriously. I get way too much anxiety that is created from me trying to be some intense motherfucker when really, it's okay I can relax. I guess that's my fear: the fear of relaxation and in becoming complacent. 42 min Basically in it. Kind of funny, I feel weird cuz I think I feel all of my skin. Looking at the tapestry is Wild. The peak is yet to come. But then I get to slide down a very fun slide. Feeling tired. It must be activating because of my yawning. I am yawning. 47 min Feeling like a creature. I am now answering my questions from my busting limiting beliefs worksheet. I didn't think the Golden Teacher strain would be THIS potent. Yawning more. I feel so tired and fatigued. I also need to take the duct tape off the vent on the ceiling at some point. Sober me can you please do that? Thank you. >I did it while still high. 51 minutes. My body is feeling heavy. My entire body is able to relax. There is that feeling in my chest that was like anxiety but now it's spread to the whole body and now it has transformed itself into tiredness and relaxation. Yeah I'm pretty much knocked out on this floor. It is 54 minutes in and I've been lying on this floor because I'm so lazy. It's so fucked to write on a piece of paper where all the letters are moving. 59 mins I think we're at the Mountaintop because I am so fucking tired there's so much yawning. >Peak incoming 1h 8 mins Just staring at this tapestry and it's so illuminating and beautiful. Lying down on the floor. "Arts and crafts" while high is always funny >Had to fold some paper to get the tapestry back up, because it fell. 1h 13 min I just peaked 1h 18 min Another peak The best part is looking at something like a fractal while your vision blurs. You know you're peaking when your vision starts to blur. I'm going to allow myself. To enjoy this. Here is gone. How did that happen? Because I have finally emerged Enjoy this. >lol 1h 56 min High. Yeah I do fear that I'll be seduced by the mushrooms and just become a druggie. Just jerked off completely naked on my bed. Which is something I don't do often at all in my life, maybe two other times. We try to hide that part of reality so much. 2h 18 min I live in a dead world. The only things that are alive are the food that I eat. I need to trip in the middle of a forest what everything around me is alive. I feel like Terence McKenna when he has his glasses on. Just accept yourself. I'm a nerd in my craft. 2 hours and 27 minutes in The reason why I'm scared of looking at my face in the mirror is because I fear that I will see something else, and that's seeing of something else is the death of my self-image that I hold. When really I didn't exist in the first place, and so Fear is the mechanism is that preserves the self. Anxiety is a mechanism that preserves the self. When really the self wasn't there in the first place. And then the shrooms SHOW that to you ADHD people can Focus just fine. They're just saying ADHD people can't focus because of the way they think, they think differently. >The ADHD brain is the holistic brain. We think like a Christmas tree. That's just a different perception of reality. So instead of focusing on one thing, you focus on one thing with a Christmas tree around it. Existing is like being in a fish tank. Trapped. Confined to this one box. >That was fucking weird to experience. I am truly a curious creature. Gods perspective is all free and all loving. Yeah you're trying to learn how to focus, but you got to enjoy the journey. And listen to some Bob Marley music while you're treading. Enjoy the struggle. Patience is just enjoying the moment. Enjoy that suffering. That is life. What you call suffering is just a duality that you make up in your mind. Reality is fucked. Whoopsie. Did I just fuck with your reality, oops that's just reality! To try and preserve this perfect moment is to not live in the moment. Trying to remember things, is to not live in the moment. Whatever I fear is my ego trying to push fear forward because if I encounter the thing I feared than the ego is destroyed. If I stare at my face while peaking on shrooms, my ego will be destroyed. 3 hours in Still high. Eyes very dilated. Trying to remember something is to not live in the present. Experiencing short-term memory, but in a different way than THC. Shrooms: your ego is going to hate it, but your inner being is going to love it. It wouldn't be amazing otherwise. You need that duality to be there for it to work. Imagine living your life as Bob Marley where you just make music and enjoy the moment, and that is your life. That is life. Your life IS the moment. So much for getting to bed on time. Shrooms are silly like green toes and toejam and farts. And it'll step on your silly plans with its dirty feet. >Then I find myself talking to my mom again, lying on the bed staring at the ceiling and joking around. We are holding eachothers hands and such. We talk and just enjoy the moment. >Later, dad makes an amazing plate of nachos and as a family we watch "Christmas with the Kranks" together. 5h43min Sobering up 6h52min Sobering up more. Life is like a competition of who can be the most happy. >What I wrote in my Journal: ###START### Limiting Belief “I can't focus” It all started when I was a small boy diagnosed with ADHD at the same time I was diagnosed with asthma. Being several years on an ADHD medication does a toll on ya. This negative belief came from my childhood after years of taking ADHD medication. Reinforcing a limiting belief that I cannot focus without my medication. Holding this belief protects me like a baby blanket because it protects me from taking responsibility of my life. The ADHD medication IS the baby blanket. An alternative, equally valid interpretation of the facts is that I was already capable of this amount of focus that I desire. I was just given the medication to “behave”. I was always capable of Focus. Right from the start. Right from the start! Just look at other people that lived be without ADHD medication. ADHD medication is only new to the last 100 years, not even that. ADHD people before you were successful enough for you to be here today. I was always capable of the amount of focus that I desire. I was always able to focus. That limiting belief doesn't exist. It's okay, I love you. ###END### One of the coolest takeaways from my journaling was this: I was always capable of the focus I desired, I just was never given a chance to prove it to myself because I was given medication for so many years starting at such an early age. So it is through my actions now that I am showing myself that I have the ability to cultivate the focus that I desire. Post report: The week following I doubled my productivity from 3 hours a day to 6 hours of focused work per day.

This I presume applies to all nationalities and descents in the world and for the majority of people living in all countries currently existing today, when being programmed, instructed to and stuck to act in that identity for the collective constraint. For example I developed a bias to look more favorably to a Yugoslav or common South Slav identity that I feel is also a part of me then the Serbian one because I feel from my POV it fosters more tolerant and healthy relationships with people in the region where I live with whom I share an almost exact same language but I cannot exercise that identity in my environment freely because nobody here believes in it anymore and there is no shared consensus about it. It would be akin as if telling the people here I am an Atlantean from some past glorious kingdom and of course some other people that lived within the territory of that country never viewed or accepted that identity favourbly as it felt they are not the part of the same cultural and ethnic descent as other people who have claimed to form that country on that basis and was therefore seen alien and foreign imposed on them such as the Kosovar Albanians even though there existed an official policy in Yugoslavia where you could choose what nationality you identify with based on your own beliefs, preference, feelings or degrees of patriotism on what you identify with the most, for example Serbian or Yugoslavian. It seems to me here that there are degrees of collective identity to which one is willing to accept.

Date: July 3rd 2021 Set: Relaxed self-compassion and self-love since the one week or so. Setting: with my trip partner in nature on a lake Prep: I mixed the dried truffle powder equaling 16 grams of fresh Fantasia truffles in orange juice and let it sit for 25 minutes. I met with my trip partner in the courtyard at 9am. He got another mix with the same dose. We drank the mix. I felt a bit sick already. I ditched the last few crumbles from the powder expecting to go insane if the last few ones were also ingested. TLDR comes after the report. Report: Come up: On the last few hundred meters to the lake my friend recognizes that the buildings and surfaces feel skewed when we entered a small new area. I say that I feel like laying down the instant we are done preparing the blankets & snacks. When we arrive at the lake, I already feel loosening of boundaries and an onset of slight general confusion. I feel losing grip on reality and I resist the experience. I get into a mindset of waiting it out. And this is already in the beginning. Wanting to drift away from this experience, I plug my headphones in and listen to my music. It has a bit of ambient and flowing feelings. We start to chat a bit. After some time my body begins to shiver while I am letting go of the body and imagining to flow into the ground. I proclaim that I feel cold and put on the warm clothes I brought with me. The shivers continue, so I move to the beach into the sun. It's finally warm. No more shivers. I move to sit a bit on a patch of grass. Being warm again, I go back to the blankets and kneel on them. I feel losing myself. I throw myself on the blanket, laying there without orientation, just waiting and waiting. I want to refocus on love, but love is intangible, nowhere to be found although it’s known that there is something called love. After some time of just laying around I ask my friend if he likes to hear music. He says yes and I turn on SLEEP which I listened to earlier. Still laying there wanting to fade away and wanting to have this experience passing in an instant, my trip partner offers to draw tarot cards for me. I decline because I fear a misdirection of the trip. I want to leave this setting with his presence. Being back at the sunny beach I lay myself on the grass and feel being close to identity death. I hold on to me. I witness that I hold on to the grass, not wanting to lose me. Random words appear in mind, like waves washing ashore. They feed & flow into each other through rimes in a strange loopy way because they don’t rime at all when seen from an ordinary state of consciousness, with no beginning or end. Kind of like the alien language of Arrival (2016). I lose more grip on reality. I am almost not there anymore. Losing grip feels strange: Imagine reaching out for a rock. You take the rock in your hand. By taking it, you grasp it because it has grip. Imagine mentally reaching out for an image or concept of any kind like for example a rock. You hold it in your mind and grasp it. Imagine reaching out for a rock with your hand. You cannot get hold of it. It slips through the hand or it has an aura that makes it untouchable. Imagine mentally reaching out for any concept like a rock. It is just as untouchable as a slippery rock you want to pick up. My trip mate comes to check on me laying on the grass. He tells me that he had a crush on a good friend of mine a few months back. He was reminded of that because he drew The Lovers tarot card. I interpret him telling me that as inexperience in tripping. You just cannot come to me being in that state. There is a recognition that I cannot really grasp the story he’s sharing and say that we can talk about it after the trip. Again, I feel wanting to not be in his presence anymore and go back. I let myself fall on the blankets and lay myself down without taking off my shoes. My partner comes back and asks me about the shoes. I am nonresponsive now losing myself with more intensity. I still resist fading of the identity. However, there is no suffering in resisting it. It’s just an automatic response of ‘I don’t like that’. It's still ongoing with or without me holding on. Again, I try to relax into the moment and wait for the experience to end. I am disoriented. The clothes on me are messed up and there is no mental capacity to make my clothes straight or to eat any of the snacks. My friend asks about kissing bruises on my neck, if they are done by a friend I slept with. He says, “I am glad it worked out with you two.” I don’t understand that. There is the interpretation that he talks about love between me and other, but love from others doesn’t register. All I love is myself, there is no love coming from others. All projection is mine. There's a recognition of this ape body and bodily desires. Beginning to peak: The entire setting reveals itself to feel like a stage in a theater. There’s a knowing that illusion cannot harm anything. The realization is expressed through words that I can easily kill myself in that state. My friend reacts confused to that coming out of LR's mouth. There’s no difference, it’s an illusion, it’s the playing ground. Speaking in the direction of the partner (he’s now casually reading ) that I’m insane & dead (no one was saying that) and that existence makes no sense. It’s felt that the illusory brain is broken. Speaking out that spirituality and more things are bullshit – meaning nothing and being nothing because they are created. Words come out, spoken towards the friend but actually being directed to myself which is nobody in that case, “Just let go. It doesn’t make sense. Let go, let go, let go…” Being in existence. “Existence, existence, existence.” Seeing the world now without interpretation. Feeling existence. Nothing but existence. Direct, radical, total and seen as naked. My partner picks up on that confusion. He seems to have a breakdown or an early mid-life crisis. In that moment I am not there for him. It is felt that he’s an illusion being projected by me. The riming words which don’t actually rime in ordinary state of consciousness are coming to the foreground again. The visuals are faint rainbow-colored random Latin letters flowing like blood in blood vessels across the trees and air. It’s just a huge screen. My partner asks repeatedly if I am ok because of the disoriented state I seem to be in. I seem to not respond. There’s a knowing that there are question marks and sentences which feels like a child discovering what language is and there’s no making sense of it – there’s knowledge without understanding, like having an encrypted data file. Language is known and there is something called England and Germany which have different modes of speaking. There’s a knowing that the body automatically speaks those languages and that the partner understands. Other people come. Children with a dad. I project the illusion of them. They are not real. They are part of the play. Sentences are clearly heard, but make no sense. There is a feeling that it could make sense, but it doesn’t. Like hearing a foreign language but not understanding it. Like hearing sounds and not knowing what it is. Family constellations make no sense. Intangible. Remembering the family which this body is a part of, that this body is now insane and will be looked upon like a failed child that is now living in a mental institution. Looking from awareness, it feels like consoling a child that broke a stick. There is no fear or disappointment, there is just compassionate presence. There is a recognition that the projection of family and others in general is insane (even though I am insane). Timeless confusion. The meaning making structure malfunctions. It feels like trying to climb up a smooth metal wall. Slipping down every time when trying. Completely fried brain. Knowing of a body with skeleton and organs. Looking up, the tree branches & leaves seem to form an interconnected web. By looking to the headphones, they are recognized to be an infinite loop. Infinity is just casually being here. No memories, total confusion. Looking at wobbly hands. What is that. Wiped hard drive. Like an infant. What is that. An energetic field around skin is felt to extend 10-20 cm from it, like an aura surrounding the body. The energy on the skin is connected to the mental state, it's flowing. The mental state could not be there without the energetic sensation. Comedown: I am being asked to go home because my partner wants to learn for a class. I repeatedly say no. There’s an arising sense of alien students having a university life – feels like being in a theatre play and that the consciousness in the student body plays along. More children come by, I am being told to act normal – it feels like being an alien consciousness imposter in a human character who is involved in alien society and acts as if he knows what is going on. There is character play of acting like things are normal like brushing off dirt from the pants when in fact the world feels upside down. It’s acting like being the character. It is told to my partner that I still don’t compute. What is going on. Finally, my partner urges me to move as he felt disturbed by the newly arriving children. Packing all things together feels like an instant. Being told to tie my shoes. Looking back to the place we were at. It feels clean like there haven’t been blankets, snacks etc. We were never there. Looking at his watch he says it is 1:30 pm. Time doesn’t make sense. It feels like reliving the same day again and again, and time is just a creation to give the sense of many days being lived one after another. The whole trip back home feels like lasting just a second even though it is not known where we go and why. It just flows. The euphoric mood is registered. The world is recognized as heaven. The body functions on its own. Words flow out – their meaning isn’t known but they could make sense, “Nothing makes sense and that’s ok. Even that makes no sense.”, “Taking the correct the way back just happens on its own. There’s no clue what and where the place is we are heading towards.”, “To be nobody is true confidence.” Coming back home I lay on the couch and watch parts of the writing on my dream board which interestingly bounce floatingly together and apart like being held in place. It’s like leaves on a tree with certain parts of leaves moving together because they are on the same branches and at the same time moving independently to the leaves of other branches. There’s no knowledge where the phone thing is. It can be that it is still on the beach. The possibility of it being lost forever feels ok, at the same time the survival aspect feels inconvenient. Still laying on the couch I am registering emptiness inside and wait for it to be over. I find the phone and then take a semi-awake nap. Still half tripping I write my partner if we could meet up in the courtyard to integrate the experience. I feel that grounding myself is just what’s needed. The body feels empty and there’s a want to be full, no matter if filling myself makes sense or not. Looking into the mirror and seeing the pupils being still dilated. Coming to him I feel drained and devoid of any emotion. We talk and I’m sucking up information like a child listening to fairy tales. Anything that he spoke of feels good. There is a want to speak of the experience not really to make sense of or understand it but rather to express and put it out there. I see him without making up any concepts or stories. It is true listening while leaving yourself out of the equation. I recognize that speaking out what I want is then either manifested or not. I want to create the world. I request of him to get his blanket for us to just lay for some more time in the courtyard for more grounding. TLDR: Regular understanding that nothing makes sense or has meaning and that just oneself creates meaning is peanuts compared to direct recognition of complete meaninglessness. One can imagine it, but it's more radical than anything because there are no memories to put no meaning into perspective and to create meaning of meaninglessness. The recognition of radical meaninglessness is contingent on the death of the identity. All experience is only you. There is no other. Options are: a) Everything you feel is the body. There’s an external world that is experienced through the body. b) Everything you feel is the world being recognized as you. The screen of awareness is an illusion and that is recognized. Recognizing Infinity is just a matter of consciousness. All of reality is a play. No identity is true. Feeling oneself to be empty is also connected to thoughtlessness, presence and flowing into silence / infinity / timeless moment. Listening to Leo's video of "Relative vs Absolute Truth" the day after helped tremendously to put the trip in perspective.

@RendHeaven They would be ruder than that as those types are not nice people. But it is actually proveable, because you only have to ask them to describe what those objective things ARE. As soon as they suggest any possible thing, it is a perception. If all things that perceive red disappear, where is red? Red cannot be what is really out there because it relies on perception. If all creatures were blind there would be no manifested visual world. Anything that is something relies on perception. So maybe an alien can't see, it can only hear, and navigates the "physical world" by sound. It would be wrong for it to presume that light is NOT a perception just because from ITS finite mind it cannot detect it. But I can. And to my finite mind it is a perception. See we use the perceptions of other things to find things that our finite mind does not itself perceive, and conclude falsely, that the thing is not a perception. See like, we might try to do such a thing with radiowaves or infrared or electricity, and say they are not perceptions because we do not perceive them. But we only know them through sensors which do, and which convert it into something a human mind can see feel touch hear... Like if I were used by the aliens to detect light. Maybe I make a sound whenever I see light, I'm converting perception into one that they can interact with. You know, assume I am wrong as best as you can, and TRY to describe what is objectively out there beyond perception. Try your absolute best to say what is objectively out there that is independent. Information represents things like numbers do, you need to describe what the "things" objectively are.

This religion takes influences from many many different sources like Celtic, Nordic and Druidic Religions Greek Roman Pagan religions Religions from Minoan Civilizations Santeria and Santisima Muerte Hinduism Buddhism Abrahamic Religions of Judaism Christianity and Islam African religions Mithraism Ancient Egyptian religions Olmec, Incan, Aztec Mayan Religions Canaanites Religion Swan religion (self discovered) Wicca Patumba Religion (self discovered) Mythological Alien Content Chinese, Korean, Japanese and other Asian religions Other Tribal and Ancient Religions and Sects around the world. . .

There may be a broader issue around why some people are so passionate about believing in paranoid conspiracy theories to do with global elites, evil govts, alien reptiles etc. It could be serving a psychological inferiority complex about why we are so exploited and downtrodden by the rich. Or maybe passing the buck of responsibility for why the world is in such a mess onto some invisible elite.

Factorio is a survival/management game developed by Czech studio Wube Software. The premise of the game is that the player is stranded on an alien world that thier spaceship crash lands on, with the eventual goal of the game being to construct a spaceship to escape the planet. The gameplay loop involves resource extraction through ever an expanding process of automization, as the player builds up Industry and develops supply chains to turn raw materials in to refined products for use in technology. Part of the reason that this game is so damned interesting is that the player is consistently faced head on with the negative and destructive consequences of this process, yet proceeds nonetheless because thier Survival Needs are inextricably linked to a process of endless expansion; "The Factory must grow". Not only is the player incentivized to view literally everything on the planet as a resource to be exploited, but this process also leads the player to re-enact colonial exploitation in the process. For not only are you strip mining an entire planet, but you're doing so on an inhabited world whose denizens (a Starship Trooper-esque race of insectoids) are being harmed by your Industrial pollution. So when they begin attacking your factories, it's only natural that the player perceives this as an aggressive attack, rather than as a response to thier own aggression. Importantly, the player doesn't set out to re-enact Imperialism; from thier point of view they've merely been optimizing supply chains and working out the logistics of resource extraction. It"s honestly a great demonstration of the Banality of Evil. Factorio is a fascinating game, and a good example of how gamifying something can be illuminating.

@Lucas-fgm I'm from Uranus, west side. We got a civil war with East, these alien battles are brutal.

Why all major religions like chritianity , hinduism , Shinto, Greek Mythology etc thinks god looks like human and must be worshipped using idols. Why they form cult and spread the delusion of some sky being with their stories in their scriptures how they are involved in all sort of questionable things. what about aliens? why dont they make god look like alien. They all act like they figured out the ultimate mystery of god. Why they want to limit God which is infinite, formless, omniscient, omnipotent and all knowing to a supernatural being who have hands and legs. What about trillions of other extraterristial alien civilizations spread across different universes whose shape is completely unimaginable by humans. Are they not god? Why humans have tendency to make hundreds of gods to worship using images and idols . For me god is everything. God is even animals and birds. why the religion like greek , hinduism , shinto etc etc advacate the belief to worship god in human form?

You should listen to some Terence McKenna, talking about his (psychedelic) experiences with The Mushroom. He seemed pretty convinced it was something on the order of an alien intelligence.

"I dont remember" is a thought. You see: this (enlightenment, truth) is SO hilariously obvious that your mind constantly will reject it. It's like you've been looking for hay in a haystack your whole life, and a dude comes over to you and says 'hey, the hay you're looking for, you got it bro, it's right here' ... Of course you will reject it/him, because if you admitted it to yourself that you've been swimming in hay your whole life while looking for hay, well, that would be extremely, out-of-this-world embarrassing, right? So your mind comes up with all kind of excuses and all kind of imaginary problems. "oh this is not hay, I'm looking for real hay" ... "Oh, well i forgot what i was looking for but it surely can't be hay then!" .. etc. Or - you could say it's like looking for your dear pair of glasses your whole life, never finding them, because you forgot you had them on. "I don't remember. I only remember this life." I asked you a very very simple question (have you ever experienced unconsciousness/deep sleep?), and your mind didn't like the simplicity of it, so it conjured up some imaginary issues: "I don't remember, I only remember this life"... Well, dude, your whole life is nothing other than memories. So there is that. Let's say we erased all of your memories, even your ability to form both short- and long-term memories, what would then 'be' ??? Pure being, pure consciousness, not even able to ask questions, not even able to reflect, to regret, to worry. Just 'pure being' without the illusory sense of time (past and future). Now, it IS possible to sober 'grasp' 'pure being' (truth, reality) while still retaining the ability to form memories. This requires complete surrender though, an extreme almost non/super-human 'ability' to 'disidentify' & completely and absolutely 'let go' every day, every hour, every minute, every second. ... And if you can do that, you're infinite, liberated, at peace, calm, in the now, fully present, detached but 'immersed in consciousness itself' *without* clinging, tension, contraction, ego, worry... ... The point is, javfly, that your life IS memories: i.e. a story your unconscious mind conjures up for you (conscious self) every day you wake up from bed. It doesn't matter if it is a true or false story, that is completely irrelevant; the point is that 'you' (as a self) & 'time' & 'opposites' (i.e. good, bad, self, other, life death) ONLY (seem to) exist BECAUSE you are so hilariously ATTACHED (identified) with 'your memories'. So let me ask you again: have YOU (the innermost experience of being YOU) EVER 'experienced' "unconsciousness/deep sleep" , -- yes or no ?? Or let me ask you in another way: If you *did* remember the experience of 'unconsciousness/deep sleep' would that experience then not be a *conscious* experience ?? If you *did* clearly remember the experience of 'earlier lives' would those experiences then not be a *conscious* experience AND a part of what you now -- selfishly, ignorantly -- 'define' as 'my life' ?? ?????❤️??️?????? What is 'material reality' ?? Like for fucking real, what the fuck (:D) do you mean when you say 'material reality' ?? We have to be really really nitty gritty and careful here. Isn't 'material reality' just a concept appearing NOW *as* 'conscious experience' ?? I mean, if you were to show me this 'material reality' of yours, what would you do? Take me into the Himalayas to show me the mountains? Fly me into space to show me the ?, the Solar System? Or perhaps drive me down town to New York's scientific museum to show me pictures of atoms and mathematical graphs of electrons' orbitals? Wouldn't all of these examples be '*conscious(ness)* experiences' ?? Or let's say your "monkey-survival-brain-conceptual-addicted-to-thinking-limited-mind" (the same "I got") 'takes up the challenge' and replies with a conceptual answer like: "oh, duh hippie, with 'material reality' I just mean fucking *reality*: this 'physical world' you & I are (seem to be) 'stuck in', are experiencing daily, you know, *matter*: other human bodies, sunlight, trees, buildings, cells, brains, molecules, physical laws, atoms, quarks, electrons, positions, matter(!) " ... - well, then 'that' is what 'you believe' reality to be: a concept..., and while you were writing it, were you conscious?, - while I was reading it, was I conscious? ... ????????????? Maybe you believe/identify to much in/with 'thoughts' ... maybe... ???️??☀️ All I see here is just more concepts, more guesses, more thinking, more beliefs, more identifying, more worrying, more attachment, more clinging, more seeking, more thoughts, more identifying, more dissatisfaction, more language-games. However, if you like playing these games, be my guest and play on ? . I think I said what I wanted to say to you. ? Now I gotta go pick up my imaginary body/dream-character (Thomas, a wave in The Ocean ?), which is then (if all goes according to my selfish plan) going to pick up Thomas' imaginary bike at the mechanic, drive it to the imaginary barber, then I'll get a nice, neat, sexy haircut for my dream-character, then go watch the imaginary football country, Denmark, beat the devil out of England at my conceptual best friend's café, then go dance as a psychopath to a lot of loud electronic music outside in Copenhagen inner city on 15 mg 2C-B, then hopefully kiss a lot of imaginary young women, laugh a ton, drink a few beers, smoke some imaginary harmful cigarettes/joints, and then perhaps go to bed early next morning, ... - and then the Sun will, hopefully, rise again tomorrow (we never know, some imaginary advanced alien civilization may fuck us imaginary humans over by extinguishing our imaginary Sun while we sleep) - in short: another day comes. Cheers. tldr; Have you ever experienced unconsciousness? Have you ever experienced anything other than consciousness/experience? Stupid/intelligent questions with obvious answers. ????

Leaving my house a few more times, visiting different places, socialising a bit, I realise how ignorant and limited I still am. The connotations of that isn't the way to put it, and in fact it would be an error. I have a hidden or implicit belief that I am still a child who doesn't have a valid or worthwhile perspective on things, and so that is not what I mean at all by ignorance. ^^This is the key error you've made before. My ignorance comes in how I relate to the world, what fears and beliefs have shaped me and define me. I have a problem interfacing with the world, {especially in regard to "normies"} . And I've just buried that problem and ignored it by shutting myself in. I shan't shut myself in, but neither am I to fall into my old patterns. That is the supposed or apparent double bind of mine. Perhaps the purpose of being a borderline shut in for so many months was for me to have a break, and then be presented the option to choose differently when the situation arises again. Who knows, that's all just narrative. _ _ Get clarity on this. The strangest and silliest of things bind your identity, neurotic self-consciousness and behaviour with others. Take hold of this and realise this, see it. This might seemingly go deep in life story, at least as far as the narratives and images that come up. Another thread to realise is how you struggle to interact with a world which seems so alien.... Look out for differentiable threads that get tangled and mixed up together. _ _ _ Part of me still wishes I had it in me to commit suicide. It seems the only reason I could do that is to deny or escape reality. I would leave a note saying "Sorry I did this, I just couldn't accept or acknowledge reality". I'd rather live in the world of fantasy, anime and music. But what's a niggger to do, I'm here in reality aren't I... Feeling some dimensions of emotion today. In a good way. My life is a joke, can someone just pull the plug already. My arms are crossed and I'm pouting like an angry toddler. Having the impression that I was wearing clown makeup the entire time makes me angry. Mhhhhhhhhh I'm so fucking angry. Alright I'm angry. Now what. NOW WHAT. ANYONE. SOMEONE. KILL ME [Had to hide a post because it wasn't me who wrote it and I didn't get much value from it just pasting and looking at it here. Sleepy af, thinking that rereading that post mattered, thinking that altering and edited it mattered for future reflections. I'm a massive fraud and liar. No that's not it exactly. I was trapped in fantasy land, where I wanted to pretend I have certain qualities of intelligence or sacred powers that I don't have. Or I thought that by ruminating over and (trying to, as well as, ) plagiarising brilliance/genius I would get closer to that point ]** But boy oh boy is it a narrative that the cost will be paid. Or maybe realistic cause and effect. Who knows. Does the criticism "your rhetoric detectors are too overtuned" land or resonate? Not really. Actually, maybe kinda someone could say. I'm fast to dismiss things? **Remember this point if you ever get into writing or reading properly. You can't copy and regurgitate. Even emulation should be done with caution.

@Emerald hahahah, that made me laugh. God bless your heart. I know but I'm learning. It is amazing how sturdy they hold onto their paradigm. This is why I never talk about out of female paradigm stuff to females. It is just alien language to them. They really have to grow some cock and balls (and try to pickup women) and try to be a guy for couple of weeks to understand us. So I really don't blame them.

(My short story, painting by Patrick Jeremy McCollum) That Time We Drove Through New Mexico It took me an hour to realize we were completely lost, and it took Rick another to admit it. In our defense, driving through New Mexico was like one orange mesa after the next, and the tumbleweeds catapulting toward our pristine rental were rather distracting (to Rick at least, I was busy keeping score. It was worth ten points when one exploded in the grill, sending him into an acute tizzy.) Men are strange, I found, driving through a barren dessert with one. God… he was practically a stranger… but you know, young love… Finally, we pulled into a gas station on the left, leaving behind a cloud of red dust in Rick's furious and abrupt parking (he then panicked because he didn't realize it would do that.) We had lost signal a few miles past Roswell, and just prayed they might have internet here. At least then we could get our bearings, and Rick could obsessively detail the car after fueling up. It was half past noon, and blaring hot; and the huge white arrow out front promised ice cream and hot dogs. The store seemed smaller than it looked on the outside, but every nook and cranny crammed to the top with souvenirs, camping equipment and basic supplies. Rick argued with the attendant about the lack of WiFi, as I sauntered off towards the ice cream bar, a bit mortified to hear the older gentleman attendant ask, "You do have a map in your car, right?" Rick got very quiet and suddenly joined me for ice cream with a large state map tucked under an arm. "Have you seen this thing?" he asked, throwing it down on a small table to claim a spot (despite the empty store.) "I'm gonna need Google just to decipher it." I got two scoops of mint chocolate chip; Rick, a chili dog. He crinkled his nose in disgust before attempting a bite, and complained about the price of a soda. Rolling my eyes had become a regular thing since we started this trip, and I wasn't quite sure how I felt about that. Rick was a good guy, definitely. But he nitpicked every little thing, and I swore if he said one more negative quip I would march straight out and kick the car. Then he did something cute, and I laughed and forgot what I was thinking about. We unfolded the map and after a few minutes failing to find our position on it, I volunteered to walk up to the attendant and ask him to mark the spot. The man's peppery moustache flopped with an obvious chuckle, but he was nice and drew a red circle around the gas station's icon; then Rick and I scoured the map for clues about where we turned wrong. With a fairly decent idea of where to go, we thanked the attendant and walked out to the car. Pink clouds rolled over the distant hills and the horizon looked like melted butter, reminding me that I never actually ate anything. Was the sun setting already? How long were we here? I tried to piece together all we had done since stopping in, but Rick began grumbling loudly about some scratches on the driver's tire rim-- until I walked over and rubbed it off with a bit of spit and elbow grease. He apologized and reminded me how stressed out he was, and of course I understood since we've now apparently lost half a day to a gas station. We agreed to just get on the road and to our next motel peacefully and as soon as possible. And then it happened, a sudden and bright flash of light-- brighter than the molten sun dropping to its Earthly grave. We were both halfway into the car and then drawn back out slowly, in pure awe (or terror, if there's a difference.) I'm telling you, the sky split right open. Like a lightning bolt tore straight through it and ripped it apart. -- "Are you sure?" -- "Well, no, that does sound a bit extreme, doesn't it?" I chuckle. "No, what we saw was a flying saucer. Yeah, it was metallic and so shiny it was almost invisible, but we could see it clear as day. It zipped up and down, and then out towards the nearest mesa. Hope it didn’t get lost." I chuckle again. -- "And then you spend the rest of your life searching for answers..." -- "Yes, That's right. I married Rick, go figure, and he raised two wonderful children while I pursued a doctorate in Biology. He was my rock." I feel like smiling, and I do, I think. My eyes are closed and I can't really feel my face. -- "And then you went on to become an astronaut, and a leading pioneer to the first Mars colony." -- "Yes, that's right. After what we saw, I never gave up the search for the beyond. Poor Rick never got to see me land on the red planet. He passed before I even accepted the mission." I am suddenly overwhelmed, as if a lifetime of love for a man is converging into this very moment, and only now can I truly mourn his loss. Plus, it turned out his retentive ways rubbed off on me, and AmazoNASA absolutely requires attention to detail. Now I feel like smiling again. Why can't I feel my face? -- "It's clear you are stirring awake, Julie. Go ahead and open your eyes." I do, and see that I am laying down on a white table. I wince in the flood of lights above me; but as my eyes adjust, the lights appear to be patterned like an intricate mandala. You know, like in one of those adult coloring books. "Where am I?" I ask, groggy and confused. I can only move my eyes, and whoever else is speaking is just out of sight. "You are here," they reply. Come to think of it, the voice sounds a lot like Rick's. "That’s all you must know for now. So please, let's continue. Tell me about when you got to Mars." "Well, it went better than expected, really. With the invention of nano-shielding, we were able to build quickly and safely. I had a hand in the bio-farms, studying microbes, and--- No! I'm not saying anymore until you tell me where I am and why I'm here!" "Oh, you silly, wonderful human. You've answered yourself in your very question. You are Here, of course. And as for the why… I feel a touch on my hand-- a soft caress across my thumb, just like Rick would. Suddenly the paralysis lifts and I sit up to face him. He looks young, like when we drove through New Mexico so long ago. Instantly, I know that "you're not him." "No, I'm not," he replies, smiling. "How very perceptive you are. I speak on behalf of a collective known as the Buh'ni. You, Julie, have been collected for replication." "Replication?" I echo with a gasp, unable to shake the idea that I'd been abducted by some alien race of humanoid bunnies for 'replication.' And you know what they say about rabbits… Not-Rick begins to adopt some rather bunny-like appearances. Once he notices the long floppy ears, he chuckles and caresses my hand under his fluffy chin. "No, I said the Buh'ni collective." He laughs merrily. "Though what you see here is due to a perception overlay, it's impossible for you to see me as I truly am." "And what do you want with me?" I ask, fully aware that I am either dreaming, accidentally tripping balls, or that I must have died in my sleep. "I daresay it’s the latter," bunny-Rick replied, "oh, sorry. You didn’t say that part out loud, did you?" Another gasp-- "So I'm dead?" "Oh yes, very much so. But rejoice! As I've said, you've been collected for replication. The collective is always on the hunt for unique leaders. We travel the spheres searching for people like you." "So, you're going to what, copy me? Upload me into some mechanical replica to live again?" I'm not exactly resistant to the idea of a new life…but I've seen all the movies, I know how this stuff goes. "Something like that," the man (or whatever) replies with a smile. He now is beginning to look like my father (or my brother, it's hard to tell.) "Our species knows the value of strong leadership, and we are open to all methods of retrieval. And when we don't find one, we farm them." "Farm them?" I ask, looking around for any exits, just in case. It looks like your typical alien exam room, give or take a few probes and ray guns. There's a door over on my left, then a corridor leading away to the right and out of sight. But it's hard to trust anything I see. I mean, if this strange shapeshifting entity over here is just a visual overlay, how much of this room is an overlay as well? "Ah, no need to worry about that now," the entity replies with a firm wave of the hand. "Anyway, your physical body is expiring, along with its use. But in a way, you will be reborn and live forever as an honored citizen of my people. Now rejoice and be merry, for your resurrection is at hand!" I suddenly feel quite drowsy and lay back down. I can't go for the exit even if I want… the paralysis is returning, and it is getting hard to think clearly. "I don’t want to go back to sleep," I say, though this body seems to act otherwise. "I am so very sorry, Julie. But you must. Replication is a very long and intricate process, and we've merely begun. When you dream, know that you are being processed. And if you happen to wake up again, I'll tell you anything you'd like to know. Now before we part, do you have one last question?" It's even harder to think-- but as I drifted, the question came to me all on its own: "Yeah, I do. That time we drove through New Mexico. Is that really a memory, or just a dream?" "Yes. Now back to sleep, my child. And this time, I'll let you pick." ********************************** I awoke with a loud snort. It was near two a.m. according to the dashboard clock, and we pulled into the motel, relieved and exhausted. Rick thought the grubby fingerprints on the office door was a gloomy sign of the potential state of our room. God, please let this trip be over soon.

from an absolute point of view there are no chairs, no alien only undifferentiated unity without size or shape. somehow reality imagines itself and creates the appearance of a chair, and the appearance of us. we and the chair are no different. It seems to us that we perceive the chair, but it is more like the undifferentiated unit is structured in mental images that apparently interact, being more profoundly the same, without separation. so there is neither us nor chair, or from another point of view, there are both, and they do not depend on each other. If there were a universe of rocks without life, it would be like the mind of reality, or God would have imagined it, it does not need another image imagined by the same mind to perceive it, it is a whole unit that imagines itself

Hm now if a human and that alien were there, would it not be the case (assuming the chair is solid) that if the alien tried to walk through it, he would crash and fall over seemingly nothing, if he could not perceive the chair?

Maybe the alien only perceives radiation and for him there is no chair, with which it could be said that there really is no chair, there is only a chair if you perceive it, if not, there is the possibility of a chair, but that possibility is the same that the chair ... Itsnt it?

So take the chair or rock dimension, it would be possible for a space alien, say, to perceive the rock's physical appearance from afar as the taste of sugar or as a sound for example (whatever the hell that would be like). So what does the chair actually exist as when not perceived? Is it the taste of sugar? Is it a sound? Is it a shape of a chair? Or do unobserved objects like in the chair dimension exist as infinity, or just nothing? In our rock universe, at some point perception happened, and now we can track back through time to a state in the universe where the things we call rocks were moving around etc. but nothing was localized in the universe to perceive them and so what exactly were they at that point?

Also, consider that when these people say there is no evidence that these UAPs are alien spacecraft, that basically the standard of evidence for that is most likely much higher than what any of you would consider evidence. So, even if you saw basically what any normal human being would immediately claim to be an alien spacecraft, these guys would ask you: "Okay, but do we have evidence that the spacecrafts came from another solar system? As long as we do not, we have no evidence that these are alien spacecraft." So, you would probably have to record a UAP to come from deep space, enter earths atmosphere and basically zip around infront of some military installation. And even then, technically their standards can even be higher, because who knows if a human spacecraft didn't leave the solar system and then came back? Maybe the chinese did it, so we can't say it's evidence for aliens! This is why these reports are so useless, we would have to see how they came to even conclude the things they conclude, and what all of their standards are specifcally. Might even be that they have no standards, after all there are no such thing as experts or authorities on this, so who is to even determine what kinds of standards are useful here?

I've experienced life forms in a alternate universes and existences that are impossible in this universe while my physical body in this universe sleeps. I'd like to become a gay alien if I could tbh. Like the gayest alien in all our finite universe. That would be my dream come true. I want to become infinite gayness.