Endangered-EGO

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About Endangered-EGO

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    Luxemburg
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  1. @ConsciousOwl10 He's not a materialist, he's a "monist", which means reality is ONE. He's also a follower of existential mysticism. This means he agrees consciousness and existence is a miracle and that the Nature of reality is ONE/nondual. That's as far as he's willing to go with metaphysics. Unfortunately his books don't describe his actual position. I'm gonna wait for his next book on spirituality. He's a neuroscientist though, so he's better safe than sorry and that's where his materialism comes from. A neuroscientist can't just question the fundaments of materialism, especially not if it's refuting spiritualism etc.
  2. Thank you for all of your kind words and recommendations. I need to get help for my alcohol and underlying issues again. There's no other way out and another spiritual bypass isntgonna help either.
  3. @Ananta Thank you, I'm gonna watch them tommorow once I'm sober. Zenbitchslap is the perfect name for a channel who I should listen to, lol.
  4. Note: I don't have the intention of ending my life anytime soon, so don't worry too much about suicide prevention. I also don't have suicidal thoughts right now, I just remember them, so please spare me the harm-reduction, I'm currently feeling better than 90% of the time and I was never close to commit suicide.
  5. @Guru Peter Jordanson lmao your name made me laugh. Guru peter jordanson. 10/10. Reminds me of the parody yt channel "Ham Sarris". Stupid but funny.
  6. Hey guys, I just took a break from spirituality, and it's probably like the 5th time I started abusing alcohol again. It's been 3 months and I've been drinking every day since. I relapsed like 5 times in 2 years and I'm only 23yo, never took any other drugs (except weed from 14yo-17yo). If you don't want to hear me whine, just read after the "+++++++++++", i'ts basically the same just shorter. Every few months I just can't handle the alcohol sickness anymore, having suicidal thoughts every morning after having a binge, fighting with myself trying to stop and then failing miserably. Stopping for a few months, then I'm somehow forgetting the misery of alcohol sickness and starting again, drinking every day and risking to have bad withdrawal if I stop. I tried to keep it short, and life hasn't been easy for me. Right now I'm not suicidal or even feeling really bad actually, but I can't continue like that. I don't see the point of doing another withdrawal, because I'll just relapse in a few months, and if I continue drinking until I can't handle it anymore. Once that happens I'll be in fucking pain, knowing that it's only a temporary relief from suffering. I already was able to give up on my spiritual pursuit, but I end up drinking and suffering. I'm taking half a dose of antidepressants every days, I've come to accept the fact that I'll never gonna be able to live without chemical substances. Unfortunately, I don't believe (and I haven't mentioned too much about it) a lot of people get how much suffering life can offer you. LOL. How often have I tried to explain people what I went/go through. Even when I don't consider what I'm going through as actual suffering, some people consider my "normal state" as suffering. I don't know what went wrong with me, but something fucked me up pretty bad. I vaguely remember being moderately happy and existence being beautiful, but it seems like a distant impossible alternative existence. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Sorry for confused whining about my feelings/situation here is a TLDR: I'm suffering. I've tried everything. I've had years of moderate suffering, months of intense suffering and days of absolute horror of existence. I became a robot that's programmed to escape suffering. I'm just programmed to do that right now, and I naively believe enlightenment is my only way out. Unfortunately, I am also an alcoholic and addicted to nicotine, I also have responsibilities (a business and disabled mother). I am either going to be a homeless heroin junkie, get enlightened or kill myself. I am SERIOUS when writing that. I don't have any other choices, and I have no more energy to lead a normal life. The suffering I was willing to go through for years is because I don't want my family to suffer my absence/suicide. Unfortunately I don't have the energy or motivation to get a "normal" fulfilling life again. So now I'm all-in on classical enlightenment. I'm gonna probably go to a therevadan buddhist monastery, unless you guys have better ideas. I can't take psychedelics because I'm at risk of developing schizophrenia (my psychiatrist told me). One more alternative would be to take really fucking strong antidepressants, which are only prescribed to people who are about to blow their brains out. Do you guys have been in a similar situation? It feels like a vicious circle with no way out. Going downhill, things getting worse relapse after relapse --> leading to despair. Getting beaten by a force stronger than me. Do you (european) guys have good recommendations for monasteries or retreats within a 1000km range of luxembourg?
  7. @itachi uchiha I like krya yoga. It's not a miracle solution though unfortunately.
  8. I wrote a low quality post about suffering that got locked, now here's the high quality post. If you suffer you're dissatisfied. If you're not then you don't suffer and don't seek. It's that easy. Every little craving is suffering. It's because it's not as good as it should be because it could be better. I have been through a lot of inconceivable suffering and a lot of you have too. Let's be honest, we seek because we suffer, that's it. @Leo Gura you don't talk about suffering. I dont know why, but if you dont talk about it, you miss about half of what you can teach. Either you have no clue about how bad suffering can get, or you desperately want to avoid it. I can guarantee, that a part of Awakening is being raped (metaphorically) into submission by suffering. Or you're just lucky enough that you don't need to, but most people aren't lucky and it's just a timebomb. @Nahm suffering is like the pipe, I get it intectually, and that's why I don't meditate anymore. Pointless do-ing.
  9. That's it. Misery, suffering. There's nothing more to say. There's either suffering or no suffering. Nothing else.
  10. @ardacigin @ardacigin Th But that's exactly the problem. I can get into equanimity by sitting down. Unfortunately there's always dark night territory afterwards. It's like being raped into submission. Idk if I'm different, but I guarantee if I sit down for long enough up to Equanimity, either I'm passing out, or I suffer very very much. Either suffering is a step and I don't want it or I don't want to go through it that fast. I honestly don't think this is leading me into a good place! I can only meditate lying down, doing nothing at all. Surrendering to everything, giving up everything. This however doesn't lead to no-self.
  11. @ardacigin Thank you for the detailed instruction. I have myself tried experimented a lot with mindfullness, concentration, doership and non-doership. However I believe this just puts the issue one level further into more subtle territories. How to you stay in the stillpoint without manipulating your experience constantly? For me, sometimes when I am in a still state that isn't induced by concentration the self can fall away. Sometimes it's just gone, and sometimes when my eyes are open it feels like there's a 180° switch between content and context. Like for example with a self context is the outside world and without one, context is that pure awareness/conscioussness. Do you have any instructions to just drop into it, without focusing on objects or broadening awareness? I feel like this just reinforces the neuroticism of the self to always want to do something about everything.
  12. @Wilhelm No. It becomes empty of everything. There's no difference between a rock and a human. No-self=no-other=no-consciousness. Soulless robots is more accurate because it's really dramatic.
  13. @Fearless_Bum It's not fear, it's aversion. There can be huge amounts of suffering without any fear.
  14. @Patok95 Of you need medication then take it. You need to be pragmatic. Most people who take antipsychotics tske them because of the dissociation. If those medication have sode effects you don't want, then ask for different ones. Enlightenment isn't something to attain. No amount of medication can change anything for the better or for the worse. It's all about the development of attention.
  15. @Leo Gura In contrast to Chris Langans complicated jargon, what do you think about Jim Newmans "explanation". Basically: "This happening is a 100% mysterious, unknowable, absolute unconditional freedom and unconditional love". And:" There's nobody to know that, it's just what IS" Is that what it comes to in the end. And paradoxes, ToEs, self inquiry just destroys every method, system and path that's in the way of the realisation of the mystery of existence or God?. (Basically what jim newman says)