fopylo

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About fopylo

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    Israel
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    Male

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  1. @Eren Eeager Easy for you to say. Even if you don't believe in the Jewish religion you still need to remember that the Jews were longing to come back to the country for more than 2000 years. Saying it is laughable is kinda disrespectful. Well, actually Israel did try to propose to divide the country 50/50 (which is not exactly what they wanted, but well), and the Palestinians refused because they wanted the whole country and for Israel to be completely destroyed. I'm not saying that Israel is necessarily in the good, there is hatred from both sides. The thing is that we could be in a much better position (for both sides) if Hamas would use the money to help evolve Gaza and other Arab places. It is almost laughable at how much Israel has been trying to make peace but Hamas just wants to bomb us outa here
  2. I could totally relate to you. For about a year or more I've made sure to stay as far as I can from my parents because I was scared that their unconscious behaviors will impact me and pull me down after all the work I've been putting in, for the exact purpose of growing myself from their ignorant abuse. I have to be kind though and all that since I depend on them. I live in their house, they provide food, money,... Now I'm at the stage where I can go to family gatherings without feeling threatened for my survival (although I'd prefer not to since it still pulls me down a bit). I think that many people on this journey deal with the same issue of dealing with their unconscious family and difficulty in friendships/relationships because of the consciousness gap
  3. @Leo Gura What do you think is the solution?
  4. I cannot find this RSD channel that I hear sometimes on this forum. You posted this video from a certain guy but when I write RSD on YouTube I get a different guy
  5. @kag101 Totally. Then how did you become present without trying to? Being present requires you to know you are present, and knowing that requires you to say to yourself for a brief second "oh, I'm present" (and then in my case "wait, shit, you're not" )
  6. So quite the opposite. As kag101 said, it is the fear of letting go and being totally immersed in it (like being totally in it, like infinite with it). Perhaps your claim would've been correct if I'd have more experience playing video games and seeing the negative aspect of it
  7. @kag101 Interesting.. You might be on to something. Perhaps it could be true, but I believe I do it unconsciously which is kinda funny. I'm unconsciously thinking about being mindful, which is a conscious act, but thinking about it isn't since I'm not getting anywhere
  8. @Shin Totally! But in general I have a musical ear and I love listening to music because it just feels so true. I won't be surprised if my life purpose turns out to be creating music. I mean... I am very much struggling with it and I wouldn't say I've really managed. Even showing signs of tiredness and sighing are hard for me. I think it has to do with the fact that it's difficult for me to be authentic, even though I've practiced quite a bit of mindfulness.. ugh..
  9. So as I'm practicing more mindfulness, it may sound funny but I feel more able to engage myself in a video game or play the piano a bit. This is quite big for me. If you've noticed, being engaged in a video game requires quite an amount of presence, which is the reason I was always avoiding it. It's scary to lose myself and be emergent with something - I'll be dead! But yeah, it feels like I'm functioning more like a normal human who just likes to play video games, but it was just some stupid phone game (not something really engaging honestly). Also I feel like I'm slowly shifting to the shy territory (from being socially anxious). What I mean by that is that I'm little by little allowing myself to experience fear/discomfort/anxiety in public. The truth is that it is way easier to recognize a shy person from a socially anxious person - because the shy accepts himself more which enables him to reveal his fears and discomforts, which makes him less anxious, kind of a loop. It is still hard for me and I still struggle. I have an identity that all what I do is thinking how I can self actualize without actually doing anything with my life (except meditation practices and a bit of reading and gym). Also to be kind of a confident guy, trying to be more "alpha" but not something serious like macho, which handicaps my ability to deeply feel and express those fears when they come, and I find shy people good at doing that
  10. @Osaid I am attracted to some male anime characters, mostly from their looks. If what you say is true, then does it mean that sexual attraction is being attracted by some features and they can be emulated on a man? I also like anime women (not so much though) but I find that the attractive males are way more attracting than the women. Ironically, I feel disgusted thinking about men in real life I haven't watched porn in more than 6 months and I'm on nofap over 190 days (not trying to show off, but telling you that my head is surely not consumed with sex fantasies. This is what enabled me the most to focus my energy on this journey). But yeah, taking a break and going nofap helped me manage my sexual urges better and I find myself more attracted to things and more honest with myself. I'm not sitting and jerking off to it lmao
  11. I have a bit of Asperger's and it is a blessing and a curse. I feel it helps me a lot in understanding and in this journey, but slows me down socially and executively
  12. That might sound very weird and disturbing to some people but I'm going to be honest - I am attracted to women more than men in real life, but I'm more attracted to anime males more than anime women (I think they look better). Please, what does this mean about me??
  13. I understand a bit. Sometimes I have been questioning whether I'm gay and I'm just subconsciously hiding it from myself out of fear. I tried thinking about gay sex, tried masturbating thinking about men - All of it really disgusted me. I had to do it and I realized that I am (like I thought) attracted to women. However, something important that I've realized is that my attraction isn't 100% straight. It's not either straight/gay/bi, but more like mostly straight with some light degree of gay. I can admit that I find men attractive at times but not to the extent of wanting to get sexual and very intimate
  14. @RendHeaven How in the world do I fix this?
  15. As I am practicing mindfulness, self acceptance and meditation, I find it easier to talk about deeper things and to talk about personal issues with others (or maybe I've just gotten used to it since I've practiced it a lot as a survival mechanism for improving my life - that only through honesty I can get the help I need). So I'm kinda good at going deep with people on a personal level, such as general problems, life situation, fears, goals, etc. However, when I get to those deep territories I feel like I am not completely being and feeling in to that intimacy. It's as if I'm putting out facts which are personal, without a strong connection at the Being level. I'm playing a trick on myself believing I'm becoming intimate and completely in the moment with another person. It's quite frightening and overwhelming the shit out of me. I am avoiding hugs and fluffy friendships with others. Also avoiding authentically light-laughing with others (I will authentically laugh at things which are obviously funny and strongly make me and others laugh). Also I avoid opening to greet people happily. I am going in less than 4 months to a camp which is 6 months long and I'm going to live with people and do social activities, and this kind of gets me anxious sometimes. I decided to sign up for it long ago because of benefits I saw in it. However I really don't know how I'll be able to maintain myself if I don't manage to develop great social skills and inner love and good vibe. There is something inside of me, however, that tells me that the good life is where I am feeling lot's of love and acting from a place of authenticity and mindfulness