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About fopylo

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  1. @mandyjw You mean just to be smart and clever? It doesn't sound exactly like 'cute'... Not the exact thing to define it in my opinion. I don't think I quite understood what you said here, what do you mean? Hmm.. interesting. I am acting dumb like that because it makes people laugh, and I feel loved that way.. don't really know. I feel the attention I get when I act stupid. Thing is that there's another kid who is acting also dumb and weird humor and sometimes it feels as though we (probably mostly me) are secretly "competing" for being more silly. I want to have my unique place. He has his weird humor and people laugh and I have those dumb moments. I don't think so. Honestly I am not as sharp as I thought I am in social situations. It's hard for me to 'act smart'. It is not funny and I fear that they will see me as above them in some ways. I brought my chess board with me and almost every game I'm winning, and I am starting to get scared of winning. Sometimes people here say I'm a genius and I don't know how to respond so I shy away.
  2. You guys are telling me about cutting ties and surrounding myself with better people. You have to understand that I'm in camp - talked about it many times on this forum already. I'm living my day to day with them, having activities and break times. The goal is to learn about the cultures of the country and also connect more as a group. I can't cut those ties. I just want more respect and that people will like to be around me and rely on me and not think of me as some beta
  3. It's a common theme (was a common theme back in highschool) to act stupid, silly (to make people laugh) and people just make fun of me and I don't attack back and they call me cute and I don't know how to respond, and keep calling me like that. I thought coming to this camp will bring to a fresh start. I was wrong. I am playing cards with 3 others and they are laughing with me (at me, I felt attacked) saying I am hollow in my skull, stupid, cute (from being "naive"), white boy, my accent, small dick, weak. I am just taking all of that in kinda laughing but deep down I am repressing aggressively my sadness and that I am breaking down. I am starting to hate this girl (the main one who is talking trash like that on me). It is humiliating and it fucks up with my focus on those thoughts. Please help. I am at camp and I am living with those people. How should I respond?
  4. @Max_V So if I tend to feel 'fake' and inauthentic (like I'm quite a nice guy and gosh I smile all the time it hurts my fricking face and I expend a lot of energy), what kind of music is recommended to listen to - to music that empathizes with my situation or music that is all about letting go (for example) ? Or maybe something else.. How does the genre affect as well?
  5. Did a 30 minute session. I am feeling kinda sick so maybe it wasn't the best time to do it but as I said, I believe it is the best for me if I do a Shamanic Breathing session ever time I come back from camp. Since I was sick I was caught by surprise by the speed of the breathing required, and the breath work. I didn't slow down (I need to keep with the rythm of the drums), but did breath more shallow (still made sure it reaches the diaphragm). My focus this time was literally to enjoy this session. I tried to find comfort and good feeling just in the breathing, in the experience. I prefer feeling good rather than chasing an ideal future state in my mind.
  6. @Manusia Very interesting. Also I'm the person that hardly ever gets angry and never gets sad and I do have those moments where I yearn to just get a sense of what it feels like to 'ride' my life and have power. I personally don't have flat face because I usually fake a lot and I always smile, disconnected. So like, what do you listen to that gives you more power as you say, and what do you mean by 'even towards the toxic meter'? I believe capacity (for a certain feeling) = equanimity. If so, it sounds great.
  7. @Manusia You say to integrate this love for burn and power and 'dirtiness' for integrating those and making yourself more vast? Please explain what you meant
  8. @Max_V This is powerful, thanks for sharing. So let's say I get sad sometimes/ feel weak but repress it, will listening to music about sadness/weakness help me? If I'm scared of something, then songs which will bring up the fear help? It sounds a bit odd.. (I believe the purpose of all of that is to love those songs so that you can accept those aspects in yourself more, but you probably need to like the music to vibe to it. It's not like subliminal magic, you need to love it, no?)
  9. Primary psychopathy: 2.1 (higher than 50.45% of people who took the test) Secondary psychopathy: 2.8 (higher than 60.38% of people who have taken this test)
  10. @ivankiss So basically you say it's important that when I'm feeling angry then it is better to listen to 'lower consciousness' stuff rather than calm meditation music?
  11. @Gabith Sorry man but like wtf was this. It didn't do to me anything and I really feel like I've wasted a huge chunk of time listening to this. This is even not music. How do many people like it I don't understand. What is even deep about it. I just don't understand
  12. @Max_V Can you explain how it does this?
  13. @Rigel This is powerful wow
  14. So as part of the camp program, we've been spending like 2 weeks in Zefat and we've been mostly interacting with the Haridis (the extremely religious). It's quite interesting because some of the people who talked to us seemed like they have gained higher consciousness understandings, I'll give you an example of the person we met today who I think is the best example: So first of all, he is Haridi, the extreme Jew. But he doesn't dress so formal, looks a bit like a hippie. He is very warm and plays music (a harmonica). He was talking to us about "to repent" (or so I think that's what you call it - when an atheist is deciding to become a believer in the Jewish God, from Hebrew translated as "coming to the answer"), and he was explaining that it means coming back to your roots. At one point he was talking about the nature of yourself and asked "if I'm not my body or my brain (after telling us why it's not the case), then who are we?" I had to take the opportunity and said with a tone of doubt "nothing?" He said "nothing and everything at the same time". The dude seemed to be grasping some non-dual shit. He was then talking about separateness and how oneness is the case. I had to take the opportunity and tried shooting questions like "if there is no separation between you and a radical Muslim, then why at the very root of everything you say that the Jewish God takes place? What makes us special?" (Or something along those lines). Don't exactly remember what he answered me but at some point he talked about the Dao, and that every person has his unique path. He said he studied a lot of Buddhism and many Eastern religions, and I believe him. He is a very loving person and he has a relatively great understanding of stuff compared to some others. Basically the whole tour was for the Mikveh - I don't know too much about it but from what I understand it's a small pool in a little cave, very freezing cold water, and you dip your whole body 7 times, naked. He explained it has to do with the feeling of a child you get from it, the shock of the cold and the water, as if you're starting life again, clear mind. I've been in the Mikveh before, but I went today again, together with this guide and 2 others from the camp, and I got this feeling of refreshment, quite similar to the feeling after I do a Shamanic breathing session. By the way this guy is very chill and uses slang sometimes. You have to know what is a Haridi and how he behaves to understand what I'm saying better. But anyways, it is also common for marriages to be decided by the rabbi (the couple), and this dude met his wife at a freaking party. The guy is understanding perhaps a deeper aspect of religion, and of life - that it's all about freedom, and freeing yourself. He seemed so open that it's really hard for me to believe that he is forcing on himself this religion, that he is holding on to them so tightly like he's going to die. It was quite enjoyable. But that left me really curious about Jewdaism and religion. Can such a person like him reach enlightenment? It begs the question of whether you could be enlightened while having a religion. I'm also curious in general what are your thoughts on what I just said and this person I was talking about.
  15. @King Merk Oh wow, good point here. I forgot to mention also that it help me in integrating stage red and dealing with repressed emotions like anger and hatred. That's probably why I started. I must have had a sort of 'need' for it to free myself somehow. Spirituality is counterintuitive and that's what makes it beautiful