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It's quite cheap and sustainable financially even without a high paying job to buy or rent a small run down cabin outside a quite rural town, and renovate it a tiny bit so it's not awful. Only head back for basic supplies and groceries every month or so. Grow your own food, fix/build things yourself, use solar and wind for power, well water, etc. It's a good option if you didn't want to work for many years at a time or permanently retire. You'd just have to save enough money or have enough passive income investments to give you a few hundred or about a thousand dollars a month, or just break even depending on your savings. Depending on how stringent you are with your budget you actually don't need THAT much money. You can probably get by on less than $5000-8000 a year. It's very possible to do that you just have to be radical with how many material things you're willing to give up. This is basically the isolated lifestyle you're seeking. You aren't ever going out to buy dinner or pay for concerts and stuff like that. This is what true solitude means. You are sitting around all day meditating, contemplating, doing chores, swimming, hiking etc. Completely free activities. If my relationship ever falls through or if I become extremely unhappy with normal life that's probably what I will do. I don't really care much or feel obligated to participate in this absolutely rotten society, or let alone bothered dealing with other people or family generally really. Most people are so broken and low consciousness anyways that it's exhausting to play into the illusion in the first place. In a way I highly regret getting into this work and learning the things I have learned. To be honest if given the chance I'd be quite tempted to trade my place and be someone else that's completely blind, oblivious, and ego driven. Ignorance is bliss as they say, they aren't lying either. If I got bored enough of that lifestyle and didn't feel enough motivation to go back to normal life I'd very likely commit suicide and leave all my things to my sister.

I have seen awakened people in many stages, but perhaps at certain colors the awakenedness doesn't last 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Do you knt what I mean? I think that as we enter into a bit of yellow and turquoise, we are able to fully experience the flow of enlightenment and feeling of being awake and detached from our ego, without fear etc ... for hours at a time. In other words, BLISS. I see a lot of turmoil in those struggling to exit blue and exit green. Do you guys see this, or is that just my perception due to my cultural backqround and experiences? I feel that I have some developing turquoise, and I enjoy the concepts of magic, astrology, energy healing... I don't get caught up in in though, yet I understand there is a lot of science behind ancient rituals and magic, that we do not understand. Being Turquoise to me means that I don't HAVE TO KNOW and UNDERSTAND everything, but I am not turning to blind faith... I just KNOW and I feel bliss, don't judge myself or others, and don't compete to produce the most, get spiritual the fastest, be the wisest, be the best... I just BE ME! I have my moments where I feel overwhelmed by the world, sad, confused... but I am not totally Turquoise... I do have probably a bit of blue, orange, green in some areas... as we all do

@Eren Eeager Just dedicate yourself to the path of healing. Even if you made it in life and became a millionaire with abbs, 10 businesses and 30 Ferraris, if your mind is still fucked up then I will still be happier than you. Don't underestimate the healing that needs to take place. Really it's the only logical thing to do. Path of healing. I am on it, and within 10 years (probably 5 years) I will have rather effortlessly attained what billions of other people try to attain...pure happiness and bliss lol.

2 personal insights today: 1) Always value the Truth/nonduality/God consciousness over materialism/3D matrix/ego consciousness. Do everything for God, not for the ego. 2) All of the wisdom, insight, love, honesty is in the present moment all the time. You don't need to chase it or go after it. Every atom in the universe has infinite love, wisdom and bliss. And all of your chasing is coming from wanting what's in that atom. You already have what you seek. All the time. 3) Be ruthless with thoughts. Don't give them any space to be believable. For example: bad pickup session generates negative thoughts about appearance, women's motives, fears about lack of income (inferiority complex), etc. For 1) you aren't picking up girls for pussy. You're doing it to get in touch with non duality and God consciousness more. Every rejection, embarresment, attack, bad perception that others have of you is an opportunity to drop thoughts, shed ego, and get closer to source. For 2) you already have everything that girl can give you every single second. For 3) The battle here is not believing thoughts. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Further insights from 11/08/2020: 1) basically everything that causes suffering doesn't exist. It only seems to exist. Embarrassment, disappointment, annoyance, irritation, hatred, judgement, hopelessness, depression, are all surfaces. But they are not substance. You confuse those surfaces for substance, and that's the generation of suffering. Remember that the game has already been won. You've already completed the boss battle. You just haven't realised it till you penetrate the surface and enter the substance. You've already got everything that you ever wanted. Its the substance. 2) Your fear from doing great work (career) and picking up the hottest women (sexuality) comes from your fear of not being able to accept Truth. What if the truth is you're a shit guy? And that hurts your ego? What if pickup reinforces that? What if that hurts the ego? What if you can't accept that? The trick is, you can accept that, but you've been tricked into thinking you can't. THAT is where the suffering is coming from, from the fear that you can't accept the thing that causes the fear. Know that, you are capable of accepting everything. Regardless of what your thoughts or reality tries to tell you. Its in your nature, your blood, your DNA, to be capable of accepting every possible thing there is to accept. When going through fear in pickup or career about being rejected romantically or because of the work you do, know that if you penetrate through the thoughts, you CAN and WILL accept the way reality is by your nature. You don't need to fear about not being capable of accepting reality the way it is, because you CAN and WILL do that by default. Corollary to 2) if fear was real, you wouldn't be able to accept it. But you can accept it, precisely because its not real. You can accept the possibility of being raped, murdered, blown up by ISIS, going to jail, etc. Because the fear of those things are not real. You only think the fear is legitimate because you think its real. Literally the answer to being fearless is simply the realization that what the fear points to isn't real. Can't get any more direct than that. Its all about revealing the trick, opening the curtains on fear. Seeing what fear actually is, rather than what it seems/tells you it is. It is the ultimate trick of the entire universe. The heart/core of the devil. You were born to accept Truth. Its in your DNA to accept truth. Its not in your DNA to accept fear (or what the fear points to as a real thing). But that's the whole trick. Fear isn't real(or what fear points to isn't real), and the reason why you can accept everything, isn't because you are capable of accepting what the fear points to (you/God is not capable of accepting that) but you ARE capable of accepting the thing that is revealed once the fear has been seen as illusion. And that thing that reveals itself once fear is seen as an illusion, ALWAYS ultimately is revealed because its permanent and true. Fear is impermanent and so its temporary. Truth is eternal. Fear is limited while Truth (opposite to fear) is unlimited. For example, you fear being rejected when handing in your resume to an employee. Because you fear him revealing you as an imposter, bad worker, surfacing old traumas. The trick is, those things the fear points to, imposter, bad worker, surfacing of old traumas, aren't real. And what's real is the creator. So when you hand your resume to your employee, you're worried about all of those things becoming true (imposter, etc). But in reality, all that will come true is God. And to be fearless, is to realise that the things your fear points to are not real, and what's real is God. So when you hand in that resume, what will be revealed in actuality is God. But its so God damn hard to accept this. You're so scared of the alternative, that its hard to realise this. But that's the core of the devil. If you unlock this, you get everything you want. You're right in that you cannot accept being an imposter, bad worker, etc. You/God is incapable of accepting that. Its too bad to be true. So you're right to fear those things. But where you're wrong is those things aren't real, and the only thing that has to be accepted in this universe, is something you can accept as your birth right: which is Truth. The creator, the one that is revealed when you penetrate through the millions of layers of thoughts. EDIT Holy shit, all negative emotions stem from confusing truth for something that isn't true ?????? Holy shit my life was a lie. Again. How many times am I gonna realise my entire life was a lie, before I finally accept its a lie? Alright next goals: Go through the most challenging, difficult, hardest, things in life (and most rewarding) and fucken do it blissfully, fearlessly and lovingly. Put this insight to the maximus test. Bash ALL the fear out of you. 0 fear is the goal.

I've read the books and looked up Leo's twisted definition of turquoise, and I'm still very confused on the differences between awakening and turquoise. You guys conflate the 2 a lot. Its almost impossible to tell the 2 apart. Based on traditional spiral dynamics literature, turquoise models a sociological (not psychological) value system which stands out from the rest on the value of holism. Its extremely large picture. You see the value and how everything connects together on an intuitive level. It differentiates itself from yellow in that its intuitive. You don't get lost in the mind, you feel how things are connected. The other difference is in yellow you primarily view things through hierarchies, structures, etc. How things are different to each other. In turquoise, the emphasis is in the connectedness, or how everything relates as one thing. Awakening, is when the matrix collapses. Its when the thing under the matrix (Love, Bliss, Wisdom) is revealed to you. Its when you see this entire thing as made of imagination or 'pixie, magical dust' instead of atoms. Its the deconstruction of ego and the world. Turquoise is about understanding the matrix, but not going beyond it. Awakening happens at all stages of the spiral, and doesn't correlate to different stages. Lastly, spiral dynamics was made by academics. So any reference to mysticism or supernatural stuff, or siddhis, etc. Was an invention leo made and stuck it on turquoise. There is no mysticism or eastern philosophy in the original spiral dynamics model. So as far as my understanding is concerned, you could be turquoise, yet as enlightened as Trump. I don't see any correlation at all to being turquoise, and being mystical. Mysticism is way beyond and on a completely different plane to spiral dynamics. And spiral wizardry isn't that useful to spiritual work anyway. Its only really applicable for getting groups of people cooperating together effectively. In terms of being happy, leave that up to eastern philosophy. So why do people here talk about turquoise and enlightenment, mystical and supernatural stuff so much? Why did Leo emphasise lots of supernatural and mystical stuff in turquoise when its got nothing to do with turquoise? Most supernatural people are purple btw. And green people like reiki healers. No where near turquoise.

You want to see how humans are important? Go and sleep close to a very small river for one night in the forest. Try to listen to the trees. The river is talking all the time, but the trees dont talk often. Pure bliss to sleep with my mother and father for a night. Human life is too stressful for me.

A planet where all suffering souls helped each other live and grow both materially and spiritually I will call it Belphezar. It's like creating heaven on earth and using spiritual forces to get liberation from suffering. Hell is a private hell of eternal damnation, a place of indifference and restlessness, a place of chaos and no growth and those that destroy growth and goodness are forever damned to live a life of ignorance and restlessness and never finding peace. A life of destruction and no joy, only restlessness.. Restlessness not created by situations but by the self. But for the one who chooses to end suffering, one who is supportive of growth and blissful in his heart, the heaven awaits as a garden of reeds, an eternal place of pure Bliss and joy and no more suffering. Yet a similar place can exist on earth, Belphezar. Belphezar And hell is eternal damnation. The fire pit represents eternal restlessness and ignorance of Bliss and peace. In life we are seeking enlightenment, we are seeking liberation from suffering. This is how belphezar will be, constantly seeking enlightenment. Both good and evil are reincarnated. How should I represent my new concept Belphezar? Belphezar is represented by a bird, flying bird which will be half material and half in spirit or partially transparent invisible form This is a complex concept that I was formulating last night. How wonderful would it be if I were a bird?

@RoyIt's understandable being too embarrassed to address the actual substance of what was said to you, but the idea that people are only motivated to "make a difference" is beyond stupid. For instance, you were egotistically compelled to muster this half-witted quip attempt, not because you're going to change my mind, but because the likeness of those who disagree is an affront to your petty ego, so you engaged, as have I. You're not doing anything differently, you just come off as an insecure 8th grader. Edit: Aha, damn I really struck a nerve. Got him going back adding videos of laughter and shit. I remember when I used to think anarchism was just an edgy pipe-dream. Any academic will correct your misconception and point out anarchism is merely a broad intent to dismantle unjust hierarchies. Ignorance sure is bliss, huh.

Identifying. Creating to create, focus is on creating, and the creator is bliss and freedom. Creating to be a creator who is seen or perceived a certain way, is self referential, and is suffering because what is believed to be creating is creation. There are not three; creator, creation, creating. Everyone who has ever created anything, is you. Every creation, is you. Everything that will ever be created, is you. All there is, is creativity. We are, and are playing in & as, God’s mind. All that is, is creativity. All that is, is an appearance. All is coming and going, popping in and out of existence. The more you know about what matter is, the less you know about what it’s becoming. The more you know about what matter is becoming, the less you know about what it is. It seems between these two, there is focus. The “point of convergence”. Notice the feeling of focusing on what is, and compare it to the feeling of focusing on what can be, what you want, what you’ll create. Welcome that feeling, witness It (creation) creating. Take no credit. The one to escape, is the creation, and thus can not. There is only to let the belief of non-appearance, go. Apparently. You are not a solid. You’re liquid love, God’s mind, creation. Creating by appearing solid, and sacrificing the knowing of your infinitude to do so. Waste not. You’re ‘here’ for but a brief appearance. Create. Experientially, there is thought & feeling for you. You don’t have to think & feel for others. They have thought & feeling of their own. You do you. Your way.

Introduction: This trip begin going over surface level (deep in their own way) psychological material, but quickly transitioned into a powerful awakening into the nature of Self-Love. The first phase of the trip was quite painful and fearful. It was like the mushrooms were surging all of my negativity and insecurities, making me acknowledge them all at once in a twisted incoherent kind of way. It was not pleasant at all. Set: To understand how to love myself, to understand Self-Love Setting: My House Themes that emerged: - Transcending Success and Failure - My Psychological Shadow - Meditation as a Sacred Space - Interconnected Metta - Infinite Self-Love Transcending Success and Failure One of the most powerful insecurities I have is that my work will never be acknowledged or really impactful for humanity. I fear that all of the hours I put into the pursuit of my life purpose is will result in nothing more than a failure on all accounts. I’m terrified of having to work a corporate job the rest of my life just to stay afloat barely paying off my student loans and affording the ever-rising cost of living. I recently went through a pretty big mental shift with making YouTube videos, and spent a metric fuckton of time on this new style of video, exploring my creativity, trying new things and really pouring my heart into its creation. Yet after posting the video, it barely got over 50 views, a complete failure as far as YouTube is concerned. But I learned something on this trip. Success and failure do not mean anything from the perspective of God. Every intention I create to love myself and those around me, every action I take that works towards raising the consciousness of humanity is playing a role. Even though I cannot always see, feel, or understand how the impact my presence and energy gives the world, my influence is there. Every action is completely interconnected with the whole. Every cause is an effect, every effect is a cause. My being where I am is completely dependent on the rest of the universe, and yet being where I am is why the universe is the way it is at all. I don’t really know how to describe this other than that the actions I take form casual chains which irreducibly connect with the rest of humanity and the entire universe. The most powerful way I can influence this world is with my mind, with the purity and honesty of my intention, which is to help the world become more consciousness, more loving, more aligned with Truth. It does not matter at all whether I am successful with my ultimate goals, whether my karma is the remain a wage slave for the rest of my life. What matters is that I travel within, and do everything in my power to spread compassion and kindness into those around me. The rest must be left to God and I have to work towards understanding that all is exactly as it is, no less, no more, pure absolute perfection. This insight is difficult to accept as a self because it goes against the desires for success, fame, happiness, security, the joy of working towards what you love. Sometimes life isn’t meant to be famous or impact for the world, but these scales of influence are only valid relative to the perspective of ego. From the perspective of God, the actions and intentions I set are what move the cosmos, not the magnitude of what one individual lifetime achieves. My Psychological Shadow As I mentioned, my intention was to explore what true absolute Self-Love was really all about. I realized that these aspects of my mind which are hedonistic, selfish, cruel, angry, attached to various outcomes are not something to be denied. To transcend these shadow elements of the mind isn’t to simply ignore and suppress the energy that exists. I’ve been journaling a lot about my journey to let go of my addiction to PMO and porn, and one of the insights I had on this trip was that I’ve been suppressing my sexual self by attempting this whole no fap thing. I saw how unhealthy it was to not honor that authentic biological element of the mind. As long as there exists an authentic desire to explore sexual energy, the suppression of masturbation and orgasm is just that – suppression. All this does is turns an element of the mind into a psychological shadow which will warp one’s relationship with orgasm, sex, and self-pleasure. Similarly, this can be said for all shadow elements of the mind. The way to transcend these elements is not through distraction, or willful suppression. Instead it’s through acceptance and love. This is extremely challenging to pull off, but for example, when you feel a surge of anger or anxiety arising it’s not your job to try and get rid of these feelings through will power. Your job is to honor these feelings as being valid and ok. This doesn't mean you need to act on them, as in the case of anger it can be quite destructive. Instead, it means you can feel them fully and send as much love to them as possible through a position of meta observation, recognizing you are the witness to these emotional states, not them in and of themselves. In the case of masturbation, I can honor this sexual energy. But see, when I’m perpetually ignoring and trying to rid myself of the energy, there is no transcendence. Quite frankly, I don’t need 90 day’s worth of accumulated sexual energy to work towards my goals. This is a misunderstanding of effort, focus, and achieving flow states. Perhaps some of the no fapstranauts need the 90 days, I definitely do not. It turned into suppression no different than if I had been suppressing anger, which I’ve done in the past. Overall this experience felt incredibly healing and loving towards my sexual self and health, as well as a more mature relationship with the shadow elements of my own mind. In the case of sex, porn is a problem for sure, but masturbation is an opportunity for self-connection and exploring one’s sexual energy. This can be done in a healthy or unhealthy way. In the case of other shadow elements, when I find myself angry or lazy, for example, sending myself love and awareness is not only the first step towards healing these dysfunctions, but is the foundation. If I am not sending myself love even in my moments of disappointment, I will be able to self-actualize. Meditation as a Sacred Space During the trip, I tried listening to music, but literally anything I listened to whether it was healing frequencies or really calm music was just irritating and anxiety inducing. I decided to just turn all music and sound off and sit in silence. I was just laying down on my floor staring up at the ceiling, completely present and in the now. I began meditating in a savasana position for what felt like hours. I was literally just staring up into the ceiling being the present moment. I realized that this state I’d entered into felt sacred. Not necessarily that it was special… Or particularly important… But the stillness, the presence, the silence all felt sacred somehow. The significance I give to the psychedelic state is the same significance I should give meditation. Both are deeply intertwined and while each produce different states of consciousness, both amplify the consciousness directly, producing a space of connectivity with the true Self. Essentially, I’ve been underestimating the importance and role meditation plays with the pursuit of enlightenment... I don’t know what else to say other than even when meditation is boring, makes you feel worse, and otherwise feels like a complete waste of time, it is not. It gives the mind the space needed to vomit up its excessive energy and be at peace with both itself and with the true Self. Moreover, I’ve since stopped trying to produce states in meditation. I felt a very powerful intuitive pull to continue using a simple do nothing/surrender approach. All striving and chasing for a particular meditative state is honestly useless. This state chasing is antithetical towards reaching a state of true inner peace, which is very twisty and paradoxical. For a long time I was pursuing the techniques outlined in The Mind Illuminated, which I do not regret at all and feel was huge contributor towards my mind’s development, but even this system has to be let go of. The states of boredom and suffering are working in the same way that these meditations induced bliss states are working. I think a concentration practice is good for beginners, but eventually this all needs to be let go of. At least for me it does. Overall, meditation is the path towards the Self and regarding it as anything less than is a misunderstanding of its sacred nature. Interconnected Metta This is where things got incredibly deep, heart wrenchingly deep. While I was staring into the ceiling, a mantra for a loving kindness meditation came into awareness, “May all beings be free from suffering. May all beings be free from ill will. May all beings be filled with loving kindness. May all beings be truly happy.” I finally understood the true power of these words. As the words spoke, I had visions of thousands and thousands of monks, yogis, enlightened masters from various times, perhaps across various realities beyond this particular Universe (this is what it “felt” like, an extremely cosmic state), who spent their lives pursuing liberation yet chose to stay behind to help the rest of the world awaken, those who took the path of the Bodhisattva, which is defined in Mahayana Buddhism as “a person who is able to reach nirvana but delays doing so out of compassion in order to save suffering beings.” I felt the sacrifice these types of beings created within themselves, the overwhelming compassion and love they possessed for all sentient beings. I was overcome with a heart crushing amount of humility as I metaphorically sat in the eyes of these beings, these true masters. Their intentions where so powerful, their hearts so full of love that this intention for all beings to reach nirvana (be free of suffering) carried into my life. In that moment, I realized that because these enlightened masters are none of other than myself, this intention was an intention I was setting and had already set for myself across life times. As I sit in the present moment, this intention for love and awakening rests inside of consciousness. Literally, this intention transcends their individual lives and ripples into the lives of all beings including mine. I’ve never felt more love in my life and the mind fuck was that it was love for myself, outside of myself, but from myself. The opportunity to pursue this work is a privilege and I honestly feel humbled at the degrees of love capable of consciousness and awakened beings. I feel embarrassed at how much compassion and love they have for me despite not being able to reciprocate in any meaningful degree. Moving forward I will be making the practice of metta a much higher priority. Sending this love towards strangers that I meet and have next to no interaction with, as well as those already in my life. Infinite Self-Love So in this moment of feeling a sense of separation with enlightened masters and myself, the duality collapsed into total oneness. I was pure love. Pure, empty, void, nothingness which I knew was none other than Self-Love. I was so loving that all forms of experience were permitted. My mind and heart reacted in such a way that might come across as feelings of bliss and human egoic love, but these were merely reactions to the metaphysical nature of what true Self-Love is all about which is a total and utter surrender to reality. On the one hand, I ask from the bottom of my heart “May all beings be free of suffering,” but on the other, I know that even this is a part of what it means to love myself. The paradox that I want nothing more than for the world to awaken, but that in its state of ignorance I love just as much. These trials and tribulations of suffering, the lives of those who have been tortured, raped, molested, are not wasted or a mistake. My own suffering is not a mistake. They are merely reflections of what it means to truly love myself in all its totality and to admit this truth is one of the hardest parts of the spiritual journey. I am crying right now as I write this, but there is no other way to sugar coat it. Self-love is the total infinite surrender of the mind in all its dissecting and attachment with the surrendering of the heart to infinite love for all manifestations of consciousness. There is only perfection, there is only you. I got up off my floor and went to my back deck to be with a tree. My body somehow was spontaneously able to enter into a full lotus without a meditation cushion and zero pain. I just sat with this infinite love for all things. In that moment there was nothing else to pursue or discover, only oneness, only consciousness, only love. I sat with myself staring into the yard, the sun was setting and shining on my face, streaming off the surrounding nature. I remember being absorbed in the silence, listening to the wind blow and grass rustle as they gently whispered, reminding, “This life is just a beat in the heart of God.”

Remember A Success I remember totally saving a meeting with a team we were cooperating with. My coworker displayed poor social skills and seemed to attack them. I rescued the situation by letting the others talk, listening, being positive and curious. Something I'm Grateful For Today I am grateful for having found back my discipline. I know that it's going to be the single thing that saves me. If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? No. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? I started work early. I went hard at the gym and finished my whole workout. I promised to make up for the missed hours and I am. I saw an opportunity to improve some code and I did. Oh man. This is day 3 or 4 of no caffeine and it's been brutal, but bearable. It's like waking up on day 2 being the slowest and stupidest of them all, with depression and super emotionally sensitive. Unable to enjoy things. This led to me reacting poorly in a text conversation and causing a fight/breakup. It was an interesting way to meet my fear of abandonment and seeing the circularity in it. She withdrew, in this typical way where people just text back less enthusiastically and you don't know what the hell is up. And then I feel the uncontrollable urge to either express my discontent, lash out or make up a story of why their behaviour makes no logical sense and I am owed an explanation. And this has at numerous occasions led to me sending emotionally charged texts, desperately trying to control the situation. Which resulted in the person withdrawing, often perminently. I just randomly forgot how to spell perminent. Permanent. What. One BENEFIT of this caffeine-free state is that my body finally feels healthy again. I can literally feel blockages dissolving. The nerve pain in my ear has finally let up. I just feel physical warmth, gratitude and bliss, and more connected with my body. Caffeine severs the head and makes it forget about the body, so it can manically stress about its projects and problems. It even reduces brain blood flow. It's a poison. I am positively certain. Why many others tolerate it well into their old age I don't know, but my body is clearly saying it's done with this poison. And that's fine. Who needs a scattered and stressed life anyway. Ahead lays a more integrated, balanced and calm life. Calm but effective.

I find myself being in this state a lot, just pure bliss. Even when I'm Doing I recognize the Being inside Doing.

This is an NDE on the NDERF website Stephen T NDE Home Classification NDE 1308 Stephen T NDE 3359 Experience Description 1. Surfing incident 2. Caught in a trough under water in huge surf. 3. Panic knowing I am going to drown. 4. Realized I had to give up, could not hold breath any longer. 5. Sudden calmness and resignation; loss track of body. 6. Clear and graphic life review as if certain events were cataloged. 7. Visualized a large green blue circle with a feeling of depth but did not look like tunnel. 8. Suddenly found myself in a large hall with a stone bath being washed by humanoid aliens; very peaceful (this was certainly a subjective illusion). 9. Sudden transformation into a realm of timeless Absolute Beauty, Absolute Love and Absolute Infinity. The radiance was literally unbearable. 10. Absolute forgiveness, non-judgment, non-duality, timeless, no blame or retribution, no sin karma and no reincarnation. No God as there was no subject or object of attention I AM That. 11. Beyond science, religion, spirituality, new age phantasmagoria. This is the most real insight of my whole life and clearly remains with me after thirty years. In my hippy years experimented with drugs e.g. acid however nothing, but nothing, compares with this insight. Also came across a similar state during meditation. Somewhere in this process, I became conscious of the fact that I must return to the world and play out my allotted role. This really pissed me off. As I crawled up the beach, I really didn't want to be here and in many ways have just been waiting for this lot to finish. 12. Theoretical implications: a) Absolute Infinity is a fact; George Cantors set theory provides sound theoretical evidence of the mathematical context of infinity. (We do not create infinity it is literally thrust upon us and is therefore absolutely necessary.) Hugh Everett's many worlds interpretation of particle wave duality; Max Tegmark's theoretical application to infinite universes. See also John Barrow 'Pi in the Sky' and Rudy Rucker's 'Infinity and Mind'. Evolution is asymmetrical, that is the billion to one symmetry violation at the origins (matter/antimatter) of the universe supervenes through complexification and self-organization onto Darwinian selection as a bias for pleasure over pain. Evolution is not value neutral. Given infinite universes non-denumerable infinity tells us that every moment must exist infinitely for all possible sum over histories (Richard Feynman) for all possible universes. (Will be pushing for space here.) Given infinite universes and infinite sentient civilizations infinite civilizations will survive for vast time scales eventually resolving into Absolute Infinity and Absolute Love. This state of beingness is a permanent aspect of every part of existence. Science has become shackled to skepticism and the narrow constraints of a very primitive epoch in the scheme of biological and silicon based evolution. Ray Kurweil demonstrates the capacity of potentiation in his demonstration of cosmological, computational and exponential technological growth. We will eventually drop the distinction between artificial and carbon based intelligence for new cohesive constructs far beyond our current capacity to visualize. As cells in our bodies are not conscious of our bodies, our self-conscious minds are not cognizant of the Absolute because we are bound by cognitive duality. Consciousness is dualistic and narrative based whereas awareness is timeless and immediate. Yet for anything to exist, whether subjective or objective, they must inevitably be absolute necessary aspects of a perfect existence. One also has to take into account the profound paradox of time (quantum block time) relativistic twin paradox, matter antimatter time vector reversal etc. we really don't know much. The axis of existence proceeds from the Pervasive Ground (unified field) through Manifest Material Reality and onto Infinite Potentiality. Existence is an Infinite Web of context and though the local universe has some 10 to the 26 bits of information they overlap and furthermore are connected non-locally. Existence is not constructed of finite locatable things it is a nonlinear process of textural flow and integration. Lot more I could add however gives the gist of what I am on about. Hid in a corner all these years however when saw this site decided to have a stab at explaining my NDE. I have written extensively but not published. Who, after all is interested in radical and revisionary ideas. After all they forced Thomas Kuhn into a corner. Our current epoch is incommensurable with a civilization two hundred two thousand, two million or a billion years older. Plenty more where this came from. It's time to wake up and go beyond the magic and mythology of religion and the primitive egocentrism of science. Background Information: Gender: Male Date NDE Occurred: 1967 NDE Elements: At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident On a surfing trip - near drowning Life threatening event, but not clinical death Nearly drowned. Coughing and spluttering I somehow managed to get to shore and crawl out of the water having given up all hope as I was clearly convinced that I was drowning. I truly thought I was a finished. How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I lost awareness of my body How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As above. At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I literally died to my old self and was wrapped in Absolute Love and Absolute Forgiveness. I do not look through my eyes anymore what sees is beyond my poor confused self-conscious mind. The looking through is not mine it is boundless non-dual timeless and perfect. See ya later God. Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Timeless. It was shock to emerge from immediate awareness to consciousness. I most certainly did not die and here of course lie the rub. However it is relatively easy to demonstrate that every moment always exists for all probable and possible moments infinitely therefore whatever is flowing through this lot is not the surface structure we identify with. Kant phenomena, noumenon or more to the point Nagajuna's such-ness, nothingness and non-duality. Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Though there were intense and awe inspiring feelings something much deeper was operating and has remained to this day. No person can have ownership and no religion lay claim to Absolute Love. The body just didn't warrant attention. Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was not like hearing but somehow directly intuiting without the necessity for language. The narrative comes afterwards and by heavens one must be absolutely vigilant not to pollute the direct experience. Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain Saw a blue green circle but did not pass through a tunnel. Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes In the early stages I was bathed by some aliens beings. However, when I had the insight into Absolute Love everything with shape and form disappeared and had absolutely no relevance. The experience included: Void The experience included: Light Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Everything was light however it was not white, yellow, or black, it was pure radiance and for a timeless moment I was that radiance. Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm It is strange to look back and realize that the effects of the event continue to change my life and conception of existence on regular basis. When I write a book or article and finish it it is as if, even with all the research, I actually did nothing. It has taken to the middle years of my life to fully integrate the intellectual and experiential in a rigorous manner. Something unspoken operates beyond the self-conscious mind. Sounds whaky I know but I gotta another set of eyes. This is where the old narrative goes bottom up. Working in welfare sort of reflects a doing because it has to be done. Choiceless Freedom. so many damn dimensions and textures its downright spooky. The experience included: Strong emotional tone What emotions did you feel during the experience? Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy, Bliss, Bliss, Bliss, Bliss. Absolute Forgiveness, total equity and complete union. Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world The experience included: Special Knowledge Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe The experience included: Life review Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control I don't think I learned anything from the experience what did happen was that I realized what I was doing, and still am doing nothing, even though I have to continue on with the trials and tribulations of life like everyone else. Absolute Love takes no prisoners you either imbibe non-judgment, and absolute forgiveness with a still mind or carry on with the useless narrative of self-justification. It is not to be learned it is to be lived. Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future All events exist right here and now (quantum mechanics and time) however insight steps into the timeless occasion of immediate perfection while witnessing the temporal flow of relative material reality. One could not remain in awareness because self was, and is still, irrevocably tied to material reality. To a non-dualist there is no spirit or soul because insight is subject less, objectless beginning-less and endless. At death my relative absence will be my absolute presence Nisargadatta Maharaj. Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will God, Spiritual and Religion: What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal none Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No Religion just does not cut the mustard. Absolute Love can have no relationship with evil, devil, hell, purgatory, sin, karma, retribution, or any type of judgment blame and retribution. When they drop their absurd beliefs and magical mythical ranting then their ideologies will become redundant. By this stage, religions will be left with a whole lot of empty book covers. Absolute Love cannot be possessed or turned to any religious or political purpose. Either we love or we don't love easy peasy. Then we can party and just learn to love and care for each other on a truly equitable basis. What is your religion now? Liberal none Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No Religion just does not cut the mustard. Absolute Love can have no relationship with evil, devil, hell, purgatory, sin, karma, retribution, or any type of judgment blame and retribution. When they drop their absurd beliefs and magical mythical ranting then their ideologies will become redundant. By this stage, religions will be left with a whole lot of empty book covers. Absolute Love cannot be possessed or turned to any religious or political purpose. Either we love or we don't love easy peasy. Then we can party and just learn to love and care for each other on a truly equitable basis. The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion: During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes In fact this is the real bummer. When one steps outside of religion and yet admires science but sees beyond its limitations one's circle of friends becomes decidedly small. Universities philosophy and psychology departments are definitely not welcoming. Non-dual insight becomes a socially isolating. Recently tied to converse with atheists. Boy what a bunch of fundamentalists they have turned out to be. If you blow your own bags you are arrogant and misinformed if you shut up you're an introvert. Judgment, judgment everywhere judgment. Something is certainly doing I do not know what. Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes After such a profound insight one wants to be a do-gooder and save the world however reality soon kicks in. It took a certain amount of time to realize that it is how I act in the world and what I do that assists in making the world a better place not how I attempt to change others based upon some conceptual prejudice. Reality certainly is not fair so we just have to learn to live with it and let evolution take its requisite path. After the NDE: Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I have spent my life working as a counselor and program manager. Studied many religious, philosophical and science based thinkers. Only two areas come to mind. The non-dualist Advaita Vedantist teacher Nisragdatta Maharaj (who rejected all religious dogma) and the approach taken by Alan Watts in his book 'The Way of Zen'. I completely reject hell, purgatory, sin, evil, damnation, judgment, blame, retribution, karma and reincarnation. Essentially the dualistic contradictory notion of God is to be voided. Absolute Infinity and Absolute Love are completely non-dual and non-judgmental. There was also a Polish Jew on a television program about NDE's who experienced Absolute Love unreservedly forgiving Nazi perpetrators. I just cried at the recognition of this wonderful man who intuited Absolute Love. I have also written extensively on Insight and Infinity however have not bothered to publish. Paradoxically, one soon learns that dogma free Absolute Forgiveness and Absolute Love either scares the hell out of many dogma bound individuals or becomes victim to scientific skepticism, scientific determinism and logical empiricism. So one soon learns to keep one's mouth shut. In my work as a counselor, I regularly use my understanding when I feel it is appropriate to assist in relieving a client's sense of hopelessness and despair. A substantial number of my clients either consider suicide or have made various attempts. We desperately need a contemporary meta-theory that is neither beholding to religion or science however it must fit within the purview of current scientific understanding. I am yet to find a satisfactory outlet for these ideas. Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No My ability to network ideas seemed to take off. Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Nothing in my life has had the significance of the NDE and some meditation experiences that happened later. No doubt, no fear of death and a total comprehension of non-judgment. No one creates their realities life is conditioned by hereditary and socialized contingencies and if you are born in the first world then your lottery tickets certainly came up. The relative world demands a certain amount of legal accountability and responsibility and we need suitable constraints. However, the deep ocean of the Absolute is absolutely forgiving and absolutely non-judgmental. Remove judgment and reduce inner turmoil resulting in peace and equanimity. Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Be very, very careful the world is full of skeptics. Luckily my partner also had a NDE and out of the body experience so we at least have each other. Very useful when dealing with those clients who feel hopelessness and despair. I have worked with youth, drug addicts, families, mental health clients, domestic violence victims, service veterans and have found a deep need for a revisionary understanding of our place in existence beyond the magical and mythological assertions of religions and the self-imposed nihilism of scientific empiricism. Though I have not published this is the area I would most certainly like to move into. Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I was a pretty spacey kid living in a fantasy world and always intuited the vastness of things. So I was very curious from an early age. Had some vague knowledge of NDE but nothing concrete. What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real There are no illusions or delusion in reality for if there were contingent things then they could not necessarily occur. Nothing has changed. We continually confuse description with explanation however as Kurt Godel and recently Gregory Chaitin have demonstrated incompleteness is implicit within reality. We require an infinite hierarchy of descriptive and explanatory belts to explain reality and this is impossible. Insight looks back and witnesses without the duality of mental narrative. All things are accessible but not through language or symbolic representation. As there is only the emptiness and fullness of the Absolute we are all of Absolute Infinity and Absolute Love. In insight there are no degrees of separation and therefore no soul no spirit, no God, no heaven, no Hell for we are all THAT. What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It makes me laugh that people have the gall to label events objectively real or subjectively illusory when to happen they must be real within their own context. It is not the veracity of the occurrence rather it is how that event is interpreted. If there is an infinite network of interpretations then, just maybe, watching and witnessing will generate a non-verbal understanding of our place in existence free from the labels real or illusory. Don't tell me the Absolute is not real because nothing can exist if it is not Absolutely Necessary. Everything subjective and objective is therefore necessary and given vast time scales and potentialities the texture of the web of context is indeed infinite thus we have Absolute Infinity. A word of caution. The classical argument against infinity is that it is a subjective human construct. Well here we go Mr. smarty pants philosopher infinity is thrust upon us through associational contexts between mind and word yet it is somehow an artifact of human reason. Get over it. Max Tegmark (Scientific American) does a brilliant job of refuting this erroneous argument. At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Other than drug free meditation and arts based experience nothing has come near to my NDE. I did have a meditation experience, which was similarly profound and even more enduring. The beauty of this event is that it was not induced by NDE or any form of drug stimulus. Tried Acid, marijuana and eckies in my hippy days however they are just very poor substitutes. In some ways having worked in drug and alcohol I can see what people are looking for unfortunately it isn't going to happen.

systemic brainwashing ignorance is bliss ?

@outlandish niceeeeee @OBEler hey man, don't forget Leo says there is a threshold where the ego struggles most...and that it's not at high doses but at low doses. I know that every time I do around 15mg (smoked) all I experience is pure Bliss heaven realms. But recently I smoked an estimated 7mg and I...kinda freaked out. I really like outlandish's post there about how he relaxed and doesn't jitter. I note I took from the 7mg trip was not to sit up and try to think and move around too much. I have a feeling that pushing through the "low dose" threshold area can actually reduce fear. Pushing through and leaning in ♥️ I've also found that different batches of 5meo can perform slightly differently. No doubt it can vary slightly in potency also. I've got another different batch of 5meo coming in soon...going to compare the two. I'm also going to try plugging with good pharmaceutical grade, soluble 5meo soon enough. Very excited

Does the level of the teaching matter? No. Words have meaning, until words don't have meaning, until words have meaning. What really matters is that someone resonates and enjoys it, that they love it. Entertainment includes some of the most powerful spiritual teachings within it, however the problem is that it's unconscious. By unconscious I mean, the mind doesn't recognize the value of it so it can't seek it and only applies it in limited ways. However it's innocent, doesn't try to own or conceptualize it and inspiration unowned is a powerful force. Even the things we say ourselves have meanings deeper than we know. I said in a video I recorded yesterday that I never thought that my awakening and the bliss/clarity would end. I didn't think. It's not that I was naive. It's that it was recognized that wasn't an actual possibility. But it happened anyway.

I can accept the fact that being in a state of bliss creates a type of neglect for the body, and that they just do what they enjoy doing and if they get fat so be it. I can see that depending on the type of ego/personality fixations, enlightenment will generate different results. I'm curious to know what happens after LOC1000 with fully awakened kundalini. I tend to believe people like Elon Musk are highly awake, he must be in the 700's at least.

This list made me cry, These are all the names of Shiva (The Ultimate) Name Meaning Aashutosh Someone who is constantly happy and content. Abhigamyah Everything is easily attainable. Abhiprayah The one who faces those marching towards the infinite. Abhiramah Prouder of affection. Abhivadyah Someone who is revered and respected by everybody. Achalopamah A person who is motionless and still. Achintya Beyond comprehension. Achintyah Means ‘unthinkable’. Adhoksaja The creator. Adikarah The first creator. Aja A unisex name that means someone who is unborn and eternal. Akshayaguna One with limitless attributes. Alokah Transcending the worlds, vision, sight, appearance, glimmer, aspect. Amrtyu One who is unassailable; blessed with infinite life and immortality. Anagha Someone who is sinless and with no fault in them. Ananthadrishti A person with the gift of the infinite vision of the future (i.e. All Seeing). Aniket Lord of all, homeless, lord of the world. Augadh Someone who revels in life at all possible times (i.e. Omnipresent). Avyagrah A person with singular vision and not distracted by the materialistic world. Balavan Someone who is strong. Bhairav One who can vanquish fear and is formidable in nature. Bhalanetra The person who has the all-seeing eye on his forehead. Bhavesh Means the ‘lord of the world’, lord ruler. Bholenath The Lord who is kind-hearted and benevolent toward everyone (i.e. All Loving). Bhudeva The Lord of the Earth and all its present natural beings. Bijadhyaksh The person who is responsible for controlling both virtues and vice. Brahmakrit Someone who has authored the Vedas. Brahman An individual who is not limited by time and space; unreal from the Sruti (Omnipresent). Chiranjeevi Long-lived, immortal Dayalu A name that depicts kindness and overall compassion. Devadeva One who is the Lord of all Lords and ruler of all beings (Omnipresent). Devarshih Means ‘divine sage’. Devesh Means ‘god of the divines, praised by deities or king of God. Dhruvah Means ‘one who is immovable’. Dhyanadeep A central icon of concentration along with meditation. Duradharsa Someone who is impenetrable and incapable of being attacked. Durjaya An individual who is difficult to conquer or is unvanquished. Durvasah A person who resides in places that are difficult. Ganakarta Means ‘creator of the tattvas (Elements)’. Gopalih Means the ‘protector of senses’. Gurudev The one who is a master of all beings. Hara A person who will remove sins from the planet Earth. Jagadadhija The one who originated at the beginning of the universe. Jagadisha Means ‘master of the universe’. Kailas The Lord who resides in the legendary mountain of Kailash. Kailashnath Means ‘master of mount Kailash’. Kantha Someone who is beautiful and radiant. Khatvangin A person who wields the all-powerful Khatvangin missile. Lalathaksha The one who has the all-seeing Eye on his forehead. okankara The one who is responsible for the creation of three worlds. Lokapal Someone who takes care of the world and its well-being. Madanah The one who is known as the God of love. Mahabuddhi An individual who is extremely intelligent by nature (Infinitely Intelligent). Mahadeva The Lord who is over everybody else; the great divine. Mahakala Means ‘lord of all times’, most powerful god. Mahamrithunjaya The one who has emerged victorious over death. Mahashakthimaya The Lord who is blessed with abundant power and strength (All Powerful) . Maheshwar The great God. Mrityuanjaya The Lord who has been able to overcome and conquer death. Nityasundara One who glows with beauty and radiance all around. Niyamasrithah One who seeks answers with the help of ordinances. Omkar Om is the primal sound by which the earth was created. It symbolizes expansion and unfolding. Paashivimochakah A person who liberates someone from the different bonds that hold them. Padah The goal, the object that is supposed to be sought after and obtained. Palanhaar The one who protects everybody and oversees it all. (All Protecting) Panchavaktra The five-faced man who sees, hears, feels and knows all. (All Knowing) Pandita A learned man who is acquainted with the knowledge of the world. Param One who is a supreme being. Paramathma The supreme soul that wanders the three worlds. Paramesthin The one who stays at the highest points or the points which are highly developed. Parivrdha The chief of the village; the one who overlooks and protects all. Paryah The person who is praised by the liberated people. Pashupathi The Lord who leads all living beings, including animals. Pashupati Pashupati means ‘lord of all living beings’. Patikhecherah The one who rules all the chirping birds on the planet Earth. Pinaki The one who has a bow in his hand; armed with the supreme bow. Pranava The one who originated and started the most sacred symbol of ‘Om’. Priyabhaktha A person who is universally loved by all the devotees. Pushkara A person who provides nourishment, like a lotus/ blue in colour. Ravilochana Means ‘having sun as the eye’. Sadashiva Meaning ‘eternal God’, the one who is always happy, loving and auspicious. Sarvashiva Eternally pure. Shambhu Means ‘source of happiness’, abode of joy; lord shiva; Sa + Amba – with Amba. Shankara The supreme giver of joy. It is also a musical raag and also means auspicious. Someshwara The one who is the God of all Gods. Sukhada The person who bestows happiness onto everyone. Suprita The one who is adored and loved by everyone. Swayambhu A person who is self-manifested. Tejaswini Different illustrations of Lord Shiva or someone who is bright. Trilokpati The one who is regarded as the master of the three worlds. Tripurari The enemy of Tripur Asuras (three city of demons). Trishoolin The Lord who wields the omnipotent trident in his hands. Umapathi Someone who is the consort of the Lord Uma (i.e. lord of forms). Uttaranah The person who rescues. Varad Means ‘granter of boons’, aag ka bhagavaan (lord of bliss/Supreme love).

Well its hard to say because i've been doing so many other things, techniques etc whilst getting shaktipat from Jan (been to 2 retreats with him in the past 3 years). I don't know how much the shaktipat has influenced my growth. It's quite clear to me, just from speaking to other people at the retreat, that only around 10-20% of the people there are able to properly receive the shaktipat. But those in the 10-20% really do feel it. Some people feel strong sensations in the spine, other people start spontaneously shaking, trembling, moving around in their seats - also called kriyas, its the shakti moving around the body. Some people say that as soon as they walked into the room they could feel the shakti. One person I spoke to at the retreat said he was travelling with Jan in the airport and he randomly started to get shakti (feelings of bliss and energy in the body) from Jan whilst they were standing in the que. Anyway the point i'm trying to make is that chances are i'm not in the 10-20% because I didn't get any of that. However I get alot of that during my psychedelic sessions, which not a lot of other people do. So maybe there's some link there, I don't know. After my second retreat I spent the following 2-3 days seeing literal Joy in every thing. I was looking at my computer desk screen at work and saw Joy in it. Very pleasant experience for sure. Cool stuff, yea i'll probably go the one in London in November.

@Toby @Preety_India i see. It's a broader concept than I thought. Just got this offf Wikipedia also. The concept of toxic masculinity is used in academic and media discussions of masculinity to refer to certain cultural norms that are associated with harm to society and to men themselves. Traditional stereotypes of men as socially dominant, along with related traits such as misogyny and homophobia, can be considered "toxic" due in part to their promotion of violence, including sexual assault and domestic violence. The socialization of boys in patriarchal societies often normalizes violence, such as in the saying "boys will be boys" with regard to bullying and aggression. Self-reliance and emotional repression are correlated with increased psychological problems in men such as depression, increased stress, and substance abuse. Toxic masculine traits are characteristic of the unspoken code of behavior among men in American prisons, where they exist in part as a response to the harsh conditions of prison life. Other traditionally masculine traits such as devotion to work, pride in excelling at sports, and providing for one's family, are not considered to be "toxic". The concept was originally used by authors associated with the mythopoetic men's movement such as Shepherd Bliss to contrast stereotypical notions of masculinity with a "real" or "deep" masculinity that they say men have lost touch with in modern society. Critics of the term argue that its meaning incorrectly implies gender-related issues are caused by inherent male traits.[1]

Slightly dramatic style: Going through the "The Crisis" was a torment. Most mornings I would awake from bliss into dread. Some mornings I wouldn't wake at all, I just couldn't face it. Through it I knew one thing, that if I was going to survive it I would have to carry on as I always had - plan B was just too hard to contemplate. Unfortunately, plan A was unbearable. "The Crisis" was certainly existential. I hadn't had a word for it until a Life Coach I was consulting with half jokingly pointed out that my crisis was in fact an existential one. I believed at the time it was a hand waving gesture on his part. I honestly believed my problem was a materialistic one. I hadn't ever married, I hadn't brought up children, I seemed incapable of leading anything other than a mediocre life. The icing on the shitcake was that I was in fact now old and there was no going back. It seemed that all my friends and people I cared about all had exactly what they wanted: to be normal. Why was that so damned hard for me? I had tried so hard to be part of a tribe. I had long term supposedly deep friendships. I'd had the long term girlfriends, I was the first to buy a house amongst my friends, I had a high salary and a university education - the first in my family. I had tried to do everything that society had asked of me. But none of it really stuck. I knew deep down it was all bullshit and nothing could undo the sensation. That sensation undid me in the end. The time had come when carrying that sort of cognitive dissonance around couldn't be tolerated any more. Either I would be normal and fit in or I would go all out and be different and unfettered. I fell for the first person that gave a damn and I desperately wanted normality with her. I chased her like a hungry wolf and she nearly succumbed. But after a very long period she rebuffed me with conviction - she had finally made a decision, and I wasn't it. During the early stages of both being in love/lust, strongly wanting normality and strongly wanting out - I lived a zombie existence. During waking hours I couldn't bear to be indoors. I in fact wanted to run far far away. I spent many many hours just walking aimlessly. I would take trains to nowhere in particular just to be somewhere away from my home town and myself (Eckhart Tolle's story strongly resonates with me here). Slowly over time the realisation took hold that my crisis was very much not a materialistic one. What I realised was that I hated myself, not in a cut myself kind of way, but in the same way that a lazy or fat person is vilified. I hated that I was a coward around people, that I needed people's love so badly, that my own indifference and indecision caused so much resistance and inaction, that I gave away my responsibility to others, and that no matter what I tried I would fail, and even worse I wasn't particularly interesting as a person. I ran to New Zealand completely unplanned for an unspecified amount of time. I ended up being amongst 20 somethings. This helped. I had an excuse to behave like a young person again, and I could reinvent myself. I ended up being called Tom for two months (despite having Guillermo for a name). I came back somewhat rejuvenated and full of a sense of my own ability to change my circumstances. Coming back was painful. The mental torture was still there, just to a lessened degree. But I made strides to do more things by myself. I would sit in pubs and restaurants and cinemas by myself. It was unbearably uncomfortable at first. In the end I realised that my "normal" friends didn't do this sort of thing: they were the cowards. Over time this gave me great personal strength. During that time I would find myself crying at music in the car or being uncontrollably emotional at work. I needed to learn to love myself, I even saw a hypnotherapist. She cleared some of my "blockages" and I began to feel lighter. That incessant feeling of needing to run slowly went away over years and I began to settle into my current self asymptotically. How am I now? A lot more mentally stable. I've learned to accept my mediocrity - just like everyone else does - it no longer presses on me so hard. I've also learned that I'm very much responsible for myself and the direction my life takes. And I still live in hope that life will end up being wonderful and maybe one day extraordinary. Fuck normality, I was never cut out for it.

Greetings lovelies, Over 25 years ago, in my early 20s, I had a bad LSD trip. I have developmental trauma (from age 6 weeks), which is tricky to reach and heal. Somatic approaches can help, and plant medicine but I've been too scared to do a healing dose of psilocybin, ayahuasca, etc. since that bad trip. For years I've had a strong meditation practice and had glimpses of dissolving, oneness, egolessness, and sustained periods of deep acceptance. However, I still struggle with amygdala hijacking, which is distressing and destructive (like being possessed...). The psychoactive part of 5-MeO-DMT lasts 20 minutes on average so I decided to feel the fear and do it anyway (it took a year and a half to build up the courage). During the ceremony I was extremely scared before smoking the pipe. I had two very safe people with me -- the facilitator who is a wise friend and my partner. Holding the pipe, my friend, the shaman (I truly believe he is now given the phenomenal space he held for my banshee part...), counted as I slowly inhaled. Up to the count of 8. Hold. I must have exhaled. In the first few seconds I thought (I was still thinking then), oh, this is just like being very stoned [on marijuana]. The next second I was in another dimension. I could see my partner's face but through a worm hole or something like that (hard to describe...). I was somewhere else. I did not surrender to it. Instead I was absolutely (expletive coming up - am I allowed to curse here? - ok will bleep it a bit) f*cking terrified. I recall wailing quietly - "I don't want to be here", "I am so scared", "I knew I should not have done it." I experienced a "white out" (apparently) for the next 20 minutes with a few brief snapshots of awareness/sensory information: seeing the alarmed faces of the shaman and my partner; clinging onto both of them like a bush baby; hearing my partner cry; the strong command of "Surrender!" and me softening; and a brief experience of bliss/oneness/wonder when I saw the beautiful mandala on the wall, which now had glowing white light around it. That's all I recall for those 20 minutes until I was lying at my partner's feet. I briefly sat up to make one definitive statement about my trauma. Then led back down with intermittent shakes throughout my body -- the somatic release of my terror. The two people present later shared their witnessing. For the first 10 minutes or so I was fighting with something/someone and was kicking so much they couldn't get near me. It was so intense my partner felt traumatized by the suffering he saw in me. My friend was commanding "Surrender!" a lot and chanting and telling me to release but I didn't hear him until about 15 minutes into my journey. He suggested that fear is fear in my body regardless of trauma, bad trip concerns, etc. Since Mr Toad (4 days ago now) I've had flashbacks. All of which have been wonderful. Bright, oneness, peaceful experiences. I have been changed. I was triggered this morning and rather than react I was able to sit on my cushion and fully feel my emotions instead. That's huge for me. My partner reflected to me that I've faced something inside that was so hard for me to see before but that seeing has also made me more vulnerable and sensitive. That I've wrestled something out of my unconscious that's been silently ruling over me with fear, and I have stepped more into my power and fearlessness. I need to integrate a lot more though (TRE, yin yoga, yoga nidra, sound healing, etc.) which I've been a bit undisciplined about... I'm sharing to add to the catalog of 5-MeO-DMT trip reports in case it serves others. I'm also interested in any responses. And to be honest, I'm proud of myself for facing a big chunk of fear and I feel pretty kick ass . It was the most terror I've ever felt or rather ever recall feeling (my baby self may have felt it). I am planning to do it again to face more, release more, and heal more. I am hopeful for greater integration of my being for the lofty goal (always) of being love and loving others. Love

1) I'd intellectually realize that all of those things are impermanent. Life will take them away from you sooner or later, well before you die. 2) Start getting comfortable with just being. Start practicing some sort of do nothing practice where you are just silently being. The more at peace you can be with being alone, the easier detachment will become. Find the happiness, joy, beauty, and fulfillment with doing nothing at all, and you've hacked life. 3) Just be patient. I've had days where I feel totally in bliss and completely willing to accept anything life has to give, and then I've had days where I'm totally caught in my ego stories, craving and desiring things that are completely out of my control. Attachment takes time to let go of, this is because of the self survival mechanism that keeps you alive. Don't underestimate its power. I'm sure other people on this forum can give helpful advice. This was just sort of off the top of my head, I hope it helps

Self-Actualization Its such a gargantuan thing . One glimpse is not enough You gotta experience absolute infinity and passed broke through all the traditional boundaries that keep us in ordinary consciousness boundary of insanity the boundary of death the boundary of existence and non-existence all these boundaries )(quickly broke through within 10 minutes entered the Godhead Godhead is like the heart of God it's the heart of absolute infinity it feels like this infinite cosmic chain reaction which has been going on forever it's eternal and its scope is unimaginable in size it's beyond all measures of size it feels like you're entering into the middle of the Sun and going inwards and going deeper and deeper and it almost feels going inside this infinite headed Hydra where every human being, just like a ball of human beings and corpses and animals and all the sentient you're just kind of like going through it and through it they pile on human corpses and then they have a like one soldier buried underneath and he's trying to struggle his way out of all these no beginning or end there's no center because it's of infinite diameter if you imagine it like a big sphere it's the Sun of infinite diameter now a window opens up where it's time to heal myself and it spontaneously happened about a window of ten seconds opened up where you scan through the body up and healing took place my entire body sort of healed itself the first time experience such a thing for similar to advanced mystics commonly report healing the substance of everything which is the ultimate nature of reality is not physical, it's not made out of matter it's not energy even and it's not even consciousness or awareness this is not awareness really what it is it just is being and even to call it being isn't quite right because really it has no name that's the key inside that you realize that you can't name the substance of which reality is made it's just it irreducibly it and it's all one all of it is one this is the key understanding is that you cannot define the substance of reality in terms of anything because the thing you're defining it with is itself the substance so when you call it matter or energy or awareness or consciousness or you put any kind of label on it or you think of it in any terms of a kind of physical way or spiritual way material way all of that is not it and the closest thing to what the actual substance of it is is nothing so the substance of everything is nothing and all of it is non-dual.reality is a strange loop what is a strange loop this is a concept from Douglas Hofstadter basically what it means is that to say that reality itself is a strange loop is that it's a vicious circularity you see reality has nothing to define itself against it has no ultimate standard or arbiter to ground it in anything and so therefore even ideas like existence and non-existence are circular and they don't really exist it's impossible because the itself you're trying to use itself to understand itself and it just can't do that it can't grasp itself it's like Alan Watts talks about how a knife can cut everything but itself or or a hand can grasp everything but it can't grasp itself it can't turn in on itself because it is itself well this is happening at the highest level of what all of reality is and the problem is when we do science or when we do philosophy or when we do any kind of religious cosmological thinking about All what is the nature of God know that none of that can work because you're using it to try to grasp it which isn't it and so there's this vicious circularity which is inherent to all of reality and when you see this circularity all distinctions collapse and breakdown and at that point you go into a sort of free fall and you fall into this Godhead where there are no distinctions at all really it's all one substance even the distinction between existence and non-existence no longer applies because that's also seen to be groundless and viciously circular and that is the ultimate nature of reality what it is is it's like a cat unraveling a yarn that unravels the cat that's that's the essence of reality that's the essence of consciousness work is that you are this cat and as you are doing the work and you think that you're going to unravel the work really the work ends up unraveling you and you realize that all of it has just been this one yarn the whole time this is what non-duality really means and he got a really a clear and full hit of this non duality and as he opened his eyes sitting there on his couch he was his couch …he was completely aware that he was nothing and that all sentient beings all animals all humans and any other creatures or aliens that exist anywhere out there that they are all him and he was sitting there in his room and he was looking around and he saw and he clearly connected for the first time he clearly connected how what's happening right now in this finite room that he was seeing is actually none other than absolute infinity itself so this is the insight that the Buddhists and the Hindus talked about where they talked about how form is formlessness and formlessness is none other than form the two are one . when he opened his eyes that all of that was present right there and it was present here in the now as he was standing there that all of this is not happening to a human being it's sort of like what a human being is is a little bubble within this absolute infinite singularity in the same way that like if you imagine a bubble within the Sun like imagine an Air bubble or a little vacuum bubble within the sun which kind of bubbles up to the surface and and then goes poof that's really what it's like to be a human it's to be this little bubble and that's what you're experiencing right now as you're sort of in this bubble and then this bubble really is not happening to anybody it's happening within nothingness its nature is nothingness and then that's what you ultimately are and that thing there doesn't exist nor not exist it has no properties no features it's just nothingness and what he realized also is that since he is all sentient beings and all sentient beings are one they're identical that he is also literally Buddha and Christ simultaneously and all the other mystics that have ever existed and so he stood there in his room he remembers very vividly and he realized like yeah okay --- I am the Buddha this is what the Buddha this is exactly what the Buddha is was and currently is so it's not like the Buddha was some guy who lived 2,000 years ago or something like that it's like no the Buddha is exactly what's being conscious of what you're experiencing right now not in a metaphorical way literally because the Buddha was nothing Christ was nothing you're nothing every single living creature is nothing your dog is nothing your cat is nothing that is what's conscious of everything and that thing is one and that's what unites us all and really what it all is is it's just one being this infinite singularity it's not just one being it's like an infinite head Hydra and it can be anything that it wants to be and you're just one of the heads of this Hydra and this Hydra is fully alive and conscious and it wants to be and you're just one of the heads of this Hydra and this Hydra is fully alive and conscious and infinitely creative so life is not something that is happening within your body life is happening across the board everywhere every single square centimeter of the universe is alive but of course we don't really see it that way because we're very human oriented and we're also very mammalian oriented and were biology oriented and we don't See the life throughout the the fabric Of space itself but when you go into the Singularity you you see that since everything is united in one that it all of it is alive there aren't parts of it that are and parts of it that aren't that's distinctions that we make in a relative fashion for scientific purposes and for just for human being purposes he also became acutely aware that non-existenc is impossible and that there there's no thing there's nothing to fear about death because death is just death is here right now if you want to think of it that way you think that when you die you go somewhere you disappear to some void or some nothingness no that void is here right now that void is what's conscious of everything right now there is no other place to go you can't escape the all you can't escape infinity because infinity is everywhere there's no way you can escape it anywhere you are it already is anywhere you can be it's already been so existence is literally impossible and that's a pretty cool thing to realize about life change your attitude towards life and towards death and towards people and everything else also the insight that reality as a whole is is just this causal chain of creativity that the causal chain of creativity goes down infinitely forever to the bottom like some scientists will say oh well our brain is is doing all the work all the neurons they're making us creative know every single one of those neurons do you not understand it's infinite it's got an infinite causal chain that goes down forever you are never going to get to the bottom of what makes that that neuron act like that neuron you could break it down to subatomic particles strings and below that and other dimensions and you will see you will never get to the bottom of it it'll keep going and going and going and going and going forever there's an infinite causal chain to everything to every thought that you have to all creative insights to enlightenment itself to your being to your sitting here and breathing and being alive it's an infinite causal chain of creativity that's the essence of this thing it's gargantuan it's beyond anything that that can that could sit within the little confines of science for example and that's it you became aware of everything innocence everything has been understood and that was a very clear point where it felt like okay that's it this is it this is everything there is to understand about life and then this acute sense of life is complete this is what he had wanted to know since he was basically a kid since he started doing philosophy when he was a teenager in college and then for the last five years or so since hes been doing consciousness work in pursuing life this is what he wanted to know he wanted to know what is the substance of all of reality and here he finally got it not just as a little glimpse but as a full-blown understanding where everything was clear where there were really no more questions left and that's it so let him talk about the after-effects so a couple of days past and various after-effects were happening of course he came back to ordinary consciousness after some number of hours the next day he was back into ordinary consciousness but there were lingering after-effects most importantly was that he retained understanding of the truth and he retained it to this day because it's not a experiential thing which is happening right now it's not like experiencing it it's more of sort of like you understand why two plus two equals four you don't necessarily need to run through the proof every time you just once you get it you get it even though you might not be experience it right now , also now whenever he is kind of going through his day even though he is back to ordinary consciousness just when he is interacting with stuff when he is Looking at his hands when he is going to The bathroom when he is cooking when he is writing whatever he is seeing that everything that he is seeing around him is is not physical the substance here is not physical it's not colors it's not sounds it's non-dual it's a non dual substance and that's pretty cool my meditation has gone through the roof his ability just to sit and and then his mind starts to sort of focus on the non-duality of what's in front of him is it's quite remarkable although what's interesting is that he experiences some kind of ups and downs and there's sort of oscillation and even a little bit of depression after he came back because what he has discovered is that having these sorts of peak experiences or even any kind of breakthroughs in your personal development it works like an oscillation like a spring so the way that a spring works that it oscillates up that's when you have your peak or you have your insight or you have some breakthrough in whatever you're doing and doesn't necessarily have to be just enlightenment it could be in your business or in your art you have this breakthrough then as well as a spring would honestly then it has to come back down it doesn't come back down to baseline it comes back down lower right because it oscillates and then it sort of goes through this kind of sneaking motion until it evens out so it's just like a wave like this but then it it comes back to baseline although the new baseline is a little bit higher than the old baseline so what you're doing is you're having these the experiences and then you're gradually raising your baseline but you can never expect that your baseline is going to become your peak that's the mistake that people make and so it's all so natural with this model to understand that when you have your peak you're also going tohave a little bit of a crash could be a epic crash or it could be a little crash you know it just depends on your situation and then it sort of reverberates like that over a couple of days maybe even a couple of weeks and then it smoothens out so that's a good lesson to keep in mind because that's such your expectations for what these things are going to do to you so you're not blindsided caught off guard by them so in a sense his meditation has skyrocketed but also in a sense he still notices just these minor agitations and frustrations and annoyances like sometimes they don't even just want to be sitting like one of the things he'll be talking about here in a second is he became extremely creative after this and So he has so much creativity that his mind is racing with with insights that he needs to write down and so it's hard for him to just sit and just to observe reality and to meditate because he is being so creative and so that creates some kind of annoyance and also just the idea that he has to sit there also there's this kind of like underlying layer of annoyance about it he doesn’t know more so than it was in the past he’s sure that's a phase that he can just kind of push through but uh it has been bothering him a little bit so by no means am is he in some sort of ecstasy or bliss as he is walking around that has not happened he does have a sense of peace and especially he notices a sense of peace resulting from not seeking answers anymore he don't feel like there's any answer that he particularly needs to get through any kind of inquiry and so in fact usually when he does inquiry usually when he sits to meditate he actually does a form of inquiry but now he doesn’t have anything to inquire about so for him now it's more about just meditation which is just being with the present moment it becomes very simple there's like no asking himself questions of “who am I,” “ what am I” “ what is the world” “what is reality, what are sentient beings” it's like no just sit there and notice that everything is already infinite it's more like that so that's guess sort of the way that inquiry might progress if you're doing it right and you're having the actual answers he still notices very acutely my addictions and bad habits because they have not gone away don't expect your bad habits and addictions to be cured by these sort of existential insights he means it could happen but not necessarily and most likely you'll need to work on those separately so he still has plenty of work to do as far as that goes creativity for him has gone through the roof because one of the things that sort of happened to him in this journey of going into this Godhead is that he realized the creativity of everything and he realized just how powerful the force creativity is and he sort of opened a channel it felt it felt like to divine creativity and that now is sort of flowing through him it was before but now he is more aware of it and he is more aware of just how how massive a force this is and so over the last week he had been very creative working on his book got a lot of stuff done had a lot of amazing insights that he'll be sharing with you in the future that he has been taking notes on and conceptualizing and making sense of so the creativity has been quite remarkable and his passion has also been as high as ever in fact after all this happened after these insights he felt like even though his life was complete now and there was nothing particular that he needed to do he was just passionate about sharing these insights with the world and he was just passionate about the creative process , getting more in touch with his his creative process in in ways that he sort of got out of touch with in the past and that has been a great experience although it is challenging to balance creativity with no mind or meditation for him that's been a big challenge for a while now and it still is even now because as he finds his creativity Rises since his work is very conceptual and theoretical he is thinking a lot about that a lot and a lot of interconnections are being made a lot of stuff has to be written down and organized so he is organizing ideas and concepts in his mind but as he is doing that he is sort of in monkey mind mode in a sense and he is not in that kind of still peace meditative zone and then when he is being very creative all day and then he goes to sit down and meditate for an hour that's challenging because that kind of transition is difficult to make us once his mind gets creative is just off on its own being creative and it's hard to put a stop to it and just be silent so he is still struggling with how to reconcile those two.. one of the things that he noticed with zen people and Yogi's and such is that it's a lot easier just to focus on meditation alone like if you're living in a monastery or in a cave and you have no creative pursuits whatsoever you don't do any any kind of art or any kind of business you're not working with concepts you're trying to organize your knowledge to share with other people that's a lot easier because you can just sit there with a blank line all fucking day and if you're an artistic type of person then then good luck with that is all he is saying now he is not saying that the Zen masters and such and Yogi's can't be creative they can be creative but his guess is that they compartmentalize those things well this is hard to do them both simultaneously to get into others way and then the last after effect that he really noticed is that he has realized that he has entered into spiral dynamics stage turquoise it just occurred to him just dawned on you think oh yeah okay this is turquoise he is in turquoise now and what turquoise is it's the recognition of non-duality the interconnectedness of all of life and yeah it's just it's like it's beyond systems thinking so systems thinking is still happening stage yellow is that a-- is at this level of where you're thinking about the world in a sort of analytical fashion or as stage turquoise is it's more at the level of being your being it you're feeling it you're more connected to it on an energetic level it's beyond just breaking things down into analytical systems the way that a academic or a scientist might do and it's it's seeing them the irreducibly mystical nature of all of reality so that's stage turquoise and he thinks stage turquoise is also tapping into the creativity that creative power of reality you know in a more direct sense in a much more conscious sense knowing where that power comes from opening those sort of channels and so yeah he was quite thrilled to enter that stage he hadn't really thought about stages in the past usually he would think of himself as a stage yellow kind of guy because he is always thinking about systems and analyzing stuff for multiple perspectives but here it's kind of like feels like going to the next level now that doesn't mean that he is in stage turquoise fully he still has remnants he thinks of the old stages within him that he needs to work through there's still some orange in there there's still some green stuff to work through he is still very much passionate about stage yellow but then say turquoise is really where it's at that's where you ultimately want to get to and the only way you're going to get there is through direct mystical experiences and having insights about the absolute nature of existence that's how you do it that's why stage turquoise people are so rare is because he thinks as far as you can go just using your logical conceptual mind is stage yellow and then to go beyond yellow you need to have these experiences for yourself so the question arises “am i enlightened,” and the answer is no he doesn’t want to say that he is enlightened he doesn’t feel like he qualifies for for that classification because he thinks that what's missing is that even though he has the insight and the knowledge and the understanding he thinks that there's a further step that needs to happen which is that he is missing the abiding non-dual awareness that he knows is possible so he thinks that the the ultimate step would be to to be able to actually stand here before you and - guess it's almost like to be permanently high to be permanently tripping so that you're actually seeing the non duality you're not just knowing it but you're actually it's like right here it's very powerful you're almost in a sort of ecstatic state he is definitely not there he thinks that for that to happen he would need to do a lot more meditating and just being present with the moment not that he particularly any kind of insights but just to be present he already feels like he is not like the human body he is a little bit detached from it but he thinks like not totally so more work needs to be done there which leads us to the question of what's next well he thinks what's next for him is exploring stage turquoise more exploring creativity figuring out how to reconcile creativity and meditation he thinks what's next is a lot more meditating mm just sitting and doing nothing and just being with the present moment he really needs thousands of hours of that is what he feels like but that's challenging because he is working he got business responsibilities he is writing a book he has a product that he wants to release so there's like a lot of stuff that he wants to accomplish so it's all about choosing priorities and and it's hard for him to justify sitting for ten hours a day just in pure meditation although he is sure that would get very pleasant very quickly if he did that what's also next for him is organizing a lot of insights and knowledge that he has a backlog of for the world and then sharing that that's also what stage turquoise is all about is it's really about connecting with your life purpose and and making your life purpose sort of divine your divinizing your life purpose whereas before it was sort of just like “okay yeah I'm helping the world,” maybe or “ I'm doing some good for my career,” and here it's like no it's like he is a force of God doing God's work with his life purpose it's sort of like that and by the way if you're wondering like oh how does he reconcile a life purpose with enlightenment work there's nothing to reconcile the two are two sides of the same coin your life purpose and your enlightenment will fit together perfectly if you get them right and the one will fuel the other and it doesn't matter if your life purpose is teaching people or making art or making music or running a business or whatever it is it doesn't have to be teaching people your enlightenment will still dovetail with your life purpose what else is next for him is more research and more learning he still feels like there's a lot of stuff that he wants to learn and to research for the purposes of teaching it and also these are more minor relative insights so these are not absolute things that he is researching these are just relative insights there's a lot of stuff within the mystical and spiritual domain and within science and philosophy and history in other places that when a research and kind of cobble together as he is doing his work for the purpose of his life purpose but also just because he is naturally curious about them what's more is more tripping is more tripping he found that al lad is the most effective tool for contemplation even more so than five Meo DMT because five meö is just it's extremely powerful it's all it's overkill really and it's it's too short to contemplate anything serious you're just getting a little taste of the honey you're not able to eat the whole jar he means unless you do it constantly, for him but the AL ad is more gentle and he loves it because he gets to sit there for four hours and just contemplate the hell out of everything that he wants to and it's very very very productive for him so that's his go-to tool these days not to say that he’ll never do five Meo you know but he likes the sort of gentleness of al-lad and he can still go just as deep what else is next for him is more personal development there's still a ton of stuff that he wants to work on in himself that is sub-optimal like he said bad habits addictions annoyances emotional disturbances of all that stuff is still there and you better believe that it will be there for you even after enlightenment all that shit will still be there you're going to have to work on it so don't be thinking that enlightenment somehow makes personal development obsolete or that you if you're pursuing enlightenment then you shouldn't be doing personal development no.. you need to be doing both because they're both going to be necessary you can't avoid doing just regular old fashioned personal development so what are the lessons quickly for you firstly it's that the most important question you really want to be asking if you're an existential thinker like he is.. is what is the substance of reality that's even more important than who are you what are you what is the substance of everything this stuff here what's it all made out of you should be wondering about that every spare minute of your day another lesson for you is that conceptual understanding is very helpful when you're trippin so sometimes we talk about concepts in this work as a bad thing like all concepts concepts are terrible they keep us from the truth yes and also no because people who don't have the right conceptual foundations are not able to make sense of it of the truth and they're not able to make sense of their trips and so for him the more he understands conceptually the better he organizes his own knowledge through note-taking and thinking about it in a sort of ordinary fashion then when he does experience these deep things then he can make sense of them and then also he can talk about them so he thinks one of the most important things you can do if you're having enlightenment experiences mystical experiences in your meditation practice whatever is right about it journal about it talk about to somebody because as you're trying to articulate it to yourself or to somebody else you're also clarifying it in your own mind what it is and that helps it to stick and then that helps to lay the foundation for the next experience you're going to have and the next one in the next one so you're sort of gradually layering this stuff like almost like layers of cement right you need to gradually layer the cement it has hardened then you put another layer on another layer and that way you can develop yourself very high another lesson for you is think through what the grounding for anything is this is related to this issue of the substance of reality so how any substance ground any substance because what you need to ultimately realize that it's all circulars the vicious circle is a strange loop it's a cat unraveling a yarn that unravels the cat there is no substance there can be no grounding that is the essence of reality is that is a thing which can have no ground because it is itself and there's nothing outside of itself to ground it that's the key insight but you've got to grasp it very deeply with your whole being not just with your intellect so spend some time thinking through that on paper like ask yourself the question what grounds the difference between existence and non-existence because if you're like an ordinary person you think that there's existence and there's non-existence but why do you think that does the difference between existence and non-existence actually exists or does it not exist or neither think through that just using your ordinary logic to see that your logic starts to break down and then that will set you up for having the right kind of insight future another lesson for you is make sure that you hone your desire to know the truth this is one of your key weapons in this work is to have a genuine a very genuine authentic desire for the ultimate truth you have to want to know not to improve your life but for it sounds like you want to know because you want to know because you want to know because consciousness wants to know itself and your consciousness and you just want to know don't underestimate how powerful just that desire is purify it let it guide your life let it set your priorities let it tell you what to do let it tell you when to trip let it tell you when to meditate to contemplate that can do a lot for you cut through a lot of bullshit another lesson for you is that creativity and enlightenment fit together perfectly now he just said that meditation creativity can be at odds with each other that's true but creativity and enlightenment can fit together perfectly in the sense that once you have these deep mystical experiences then it really frees you up to be creative in a non detached way and it opens up these channels for you so if you're an artistic type of person if you enjoy being creative if you want to have a big impact on people with your creativity and you want your creativity to be more effortless and not so neurotic and strained and filled with ego and all that then enlightenment is like the perfect thing for you watch what happens with your creativity when you start having these experiences it's going to be amazing it's going to be levels of creativity it's going to be so much creativity you're going to be at a loss of words and you're not going to know how to get it all down on paper so much creativity infinite divine creativity it's remarkable you're going to feel like a vehicle of God doing God's work with your art or with whatever and the final lesson for you is that if you still have any doubts there's nothing more worthwhile than this work there's nothing more worthwhile than the truth it is by far hands down the most powerful and the most significant thing that can happen to your life it'll transform your entire life and it will take you to levels of development that you never imagined possible that you don't see other people around you generally having in society it'll put you sort of into a category of your own and while that might feel a little lonely sometimes or whatever in the end it's totally worth it so if you're sitting there and you're struggling to self inquire to contemplate and you don't know why you're not getting the results well just keep in mind that you're after a very big thing here this is a very big thing very big prize so you're not going to get it cheaply or easily might take you some years of struggle to get there in the meantime just keep telling yourself that it's going to be worth it have that sort of faith and doesn't have to be blind faith but it just has to be a lil you guy mean you can use a little logic here as well he means he is not just standing there bullshitting you this stuff is life transforming and he wishes that he could communicate the full emotional power of this stuff better but it's just not possible because this is something you have to experience for yourself that's it.

Thank you. To me, that is not really to stress on yourself to have great things or ways to do/make/create. It’s in the future. What you really need that is what you do every day to be better. « A day is long and a year is short » That means you even don’t know what you can do in the next 5 years. Maybe you will not have that or you will be extraordinary. You don’t know! What you do today? What do you do today? Don’t tell me you don’t know too! Of course, everyone needs a sense of purpose but is it too pragmatic or too strategic? It is needed but are you sure that you have done the checklist for today? Is it following your bliss or a boring thing? There is tons of way to make your day better. And do it and sometimes you can post that showing how you dealed with abc and xyz in that self-investment process.