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Yup, as the mystics before me pointed out: "Death is 'a stripping away' of 'all' that is 'not-you'. The secret of life is 'to die before you die' and realize there is no death". I already knew that before my last DMT trip -- and not 'knew' as 'in belief', but as in: I have directly died many times already, i.e. transitioned from 'selfish states of consciousness' to states of 'Eternal Love, Empty Consciousness, God, Infinite Imagination, Absolute Goodness, Pure Being.' There is no death for 'that which you truly are' (God, Consciousness, Love, The Now, Soul, Infinity, Eternity, w/e you wanna call The Self-Less Self), since it is already simultaneously both dead and alive; or even more accurate: it is neither of them, it simple is what is: THIS: *plays a note on the piano*, and we won't give it a name. The thing is, nothing we can say with words about 'Absolute Truth' ... 'is it.' Everytime we say a sentence, we are limiting Infinity to something finite our ego can grasp onto. So even saying 'death is imaginary, you are eternal' is a limitation. Everything is. Yet everything is also IT. 'Death is imaginary' is a fantastic pointer to towards Truth, though. Life is also imaginary. My life as Thomas, your life as Leo, is also imaginary. The essence of 'every experience' is that it is part of the Infinity of Imagination. Absolutely EVERYTHING is imaginary, which means that EVERYTHING is also real. The only 'thing' -- we could say -- that is 'not imaginary' is Infinity (God, Consciousness, Love), but again: all language is limiting. What I'm saying hardly makes any sense to those who have close to no experience with ego-death. To be able to communicate pointers of truth clearly and accurately even to those who are deeply asleep is an art form: a task of immense complexity. The Essence of Reality (Infinity) is so infinitely meaningless, that whatever is then 'imagined' must - per definition - be infinitely meaningful. From the perspective of me as a human being who "needs to": breathe, eat, love, have sex, sleep, pee, shit, drink water, feel that life is meaningful... - death is *not* imaginary. (Absolutely speaking it is, but follow me here, please). I can die any time. I could have stopped breathing during my DMT trip. I can get killed by a car on the road in 30 minutes. I will die. Waveintheocean/Thomas will die eventually. That is as true as Truth can get with words. Leo will die. Not ego-death -- not some kind of 'imaginary' 5-MeO-DMT-trip-ego-death -- but as in real physical death. Yet, what I *really am* can of course not die, cos it wasn't even born to begin with, I am Infinite & Eternal, as you say, sure, I know that, that's not at all what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about real physical death. Just forget all the fancy spiritual talk, I'm talking totally down to earth: I will die. That's as certain as the Sun will rise tomorrow. I will die. You will die. This is simply a fact we can ALL agree on. You can run away from 'yourself/truth/death' all life, but you will still die. Now, what is physical death, then? It's imaginary of course. But my whole life, your whole life, *IS* already *imaginary*... Death isn't different in that way. It's Infinite Imagination. And there is infinite meaning behind your life and behind your eventual physical death. What I got a taste of during my DMT-trip was just what awaited me after my imaginary physical death. It was bliss beyond all human imaginations of what bliss is. I can try to describe it, but words fail. ... Life, as in down to earth life here on Earth, is mystical, enigmatic and ineffable...just like death. But it's also rather obvious that it is filled with so so so much suffering. One thing is the suffering in my own 'egoic limited selfish life' 'as Thomas'... - Hah, that's only one drop in the ocean of the bottomless suffering human beings 'have and are and will' endur-ed/-ing/-e....... Life is painful as fuck. We can transcend our own suffering, and thus help others transcend theirs, yet it's still filled with suffering. You and I, Leo, are lucky, lucky souls who can smoke DMT in their apartment in a relatively safe country like USA/Denmark. But let's look around on the globe shall we: it's beyond belief, it's too much, it's literally painful and mesmerizing simultaneously to see how much suffering the average man & woman endures in their lives on Earth. I went through what felt like every single possible human emotion ever felt on Earth during my DMT-trip, from heavenly highs to contentment to the most terrifying painful lows down in the deepest parts of hell. It was clear to me, that relatively speaking, the sum of all these 'emotions' was (still): pain, suffering. That's just the nature of the human ego/condition: to be in pain, to suffer. And it was just lucidly clear to me that there was a deep, deep meaning & purpose behind all of it. And while you always have an invitation (here on Earth) to wake the fuck up and actually transcend all your own suffering (transcend ego), globally speaking it's just a tiny tiny drop of suffering that's being transcended in a vast ocean of suffering. Life IS suffering. Death IS bliss. Yet I'm not saying you should strive to die, i.e. begin getting suicidal ideations. Suicide is an imaginary external solution to an imaginary inner problem. Suicide literally will just make your soul reincarnate instantly back into Earth one way or the other (it's infinite, remember), because you haven't finished the lesson yet. What is life? It's a long, long, long, thorough lesson in accepting pain, transcending suffering, saying no to ego, saying no to devilry, no to cravings, no to being asleep, and instead: yes to liberation, yes to being awake, yes to selflessness, yes to Love. That's what it is. It's basically about becoming a professional at 'breathing through all the pain of life'. When you have become pro enough, you can consciously die - Mahasamadhi - and join the rest of the pro-breathers in the afterlife. Consciously dying = Afterlife = Bliss Unconsciously dying = reincarnation = still some suffering left to transcend:-).

I am better at not getting lost in the negative, fearful narrative of my mind than I was a few years ago, I now realize I am seperate from my thoughts and the master of my mind. BUT, one particular subject/situation that is current in my experience is very very touchy. Long story very short, abusive ex husband dissapeared for 3 years, came back out of the blue for a custody battle full of lies and everyone is believing him and turning things around on me and the entire thing is insane and infuriating. I can't think about it or deal with it without instant thoughts and feelings of rage, injustice, and fear. I'm desperately trying to soften my thoughts around it, not necessarily to positive thoughts because I'm way too far from there to make that jump. I'm going for neutral thoughts like "Things always work out" and "The worst is never as bad as my thoughts about the worst" but the subject is so charged, its electric. I avoid the subject entirely if I can. My 7 yr old has been with this man for 3 weeks now, after not even knowing who he was and I can't even allow myself to think about my daughter being with my ex abuser or the thoughts and feelings start. I can feel them in my body. Physically. If an email or text or call or court date comes up to deal with it, if someone asks me about it...instantly all the big feelings and negative thoughts flood my mind and body. Sometimes it literally makes me lose my breath. As if someone punched me in my gut. And things unrelated can trigger the crazy thought train to start barreling through my mind. I try to get ahead of it and journal, listing all the negative thoughts, questioning them, reframing them very neutrally... I use EFT/tapping, essential oils, positive affirmations... meditation feels like torture right now with all the racing thoughts. I'm also doing work on releasing anger and EMDR therapy for past trauma. How do I lessen the charge or soften the thoughts and feelings around a subject/situation that feels so scary and isolated? It feels like my voice on the subject doesn't matter and like I'm screaming into a void. I so badly want to see the love in everyone and everything and get to that place of forgiveness(myself and others), peace and bliss but the fear and anger from a lifetime of abuse and uncertainty is creating a fog in my experience where everyone and everything feels evil and scary and against me...at least things dealing with my ex or the legal stuff.

So I just had a DMT trip where I experienced every human emotion possible. And it was overwhelmingly painful. The Universe raped me. It raped me by screaming to me: LET FULLY GO NOW! LET FULLY GO. And I realized that I had let go of everything -- was letting go of everything, could let go of everything -- except my breath. I answered to the Soul of The Universe: "I'm letting go, look, I'm one with You already, but I'm gonna keep breathing through all this pain" and The Universe replied (all my closest friends and familiy basically smiling and reaching their hands out to grab my soul out of my body (physically die, let go completely) and I answered that "I Love You, but I'm gonna keep breathing now, okay" .. and I kept breathing, and I didn't die. And now I'm here. Shaken as fuck, but with a smile on my face. This is peak "Faith/Meaningfullness" for me, right now, as I'm writing this. Life has infinite meaning. Death has infinite meaning. We will all die, so no rush, but I can say one thing with 100% confidence now: Dead, as in real physical dead, will be the most meaningful experience in your life. Or you could say: Your whole life will be the most meaningful experience you ever had, because you are going to die. Imagine a painted beautiful colourful canvas -- a piece of absolute art -- with foreground and background. It seems like -- to most people -- that LIFE 'is the foreground' and that DEATH 'is the background', but actually it's the other way around: LIFE is the background, DEATH is the foreground. Life IS suffering. Death is Bliss. They imply each other -- arise simultaneously -- THEY ARE ONE. Death = Life Life = Death Contrast you know. Fucking Contrast. God is a work of genius. Contrast. Play. Everything is frequency, Reality a symphony. We are all going to die, though, so no rush. And also, the secret is basically to die metaphysically before you die physically, so you can live the rest of your life fully and whole without doubt, but in faith. Have faith. <3 I am lucky to be born in Denmark, I'm eternally grateful 'my soul' chose to be born here. But even in arguably the best country in the world (from a ego-safety perspective) suffering is still widespread. Life is suffering. Your job doing life is to transcend it.

Your 'perception' of the other human along with everything you're experiencing (your direct experience -- perception = your conscious direct experience) is what Consciousness experiences in the Now. The emotions, feelings, sensations & experience you "vicariously' feel while interacting with the other human is Consciousness/God playing that character in the same 'eternal now' as what you call your inner individual experience. We are Here. NowHere. Don't you see? What you intuit/sense their experience is -> is precisely the experience Consciousness is having in the Now along with everything you're experiencing. You're feeling it, don't you? Infinitely close. Absolute. Total. Togetherness. Oneness. Love. One ecstatic playground. One Love. One heart but infinite ? Bliss, oh God ❤

Warning: Complete Transparency! I go deep into detail here! Build up 'J' wanted to come over tonight, again. I had to say 'no'. She slept over last night already. Well... we barely slept, but yeah, she was here. I don't want this to start moving into a weird direction. A relationship - I mean. Am I worrying about nothing? Or is it for a good reason? You be the judge. On the second night she came over a bit later. It was almost 1AM. She worked late and she also promised a coworker to give her a ride home. I open the door for her and give her a hug and a kiss. We head up to my apartment. Again she's rocking a short dress. Looking all hot. We're both feeling good and excited about the date. Already talking about God knows what. The night is on fire. Both figuratively and literally. The passion in the air is undeniable. Summer is here. She already feels a bit more at home. A bit more comfortable and relaxed than last time. She moves around my place more freely. We talk and talk and it seems like we could go on forever. Again I must emphasize how good of a listener I think she is. I really feel heard when I speak. Not necessarily understood all the time, but heard for sure. She's present. Mindful. She's not elsewhere while she's with me. I really appreciate that. It's a breath of fresh air. Climax We skip the massage this time around. I have no idea what movie we started watching. A few minutes in and she's giving me this slow, super-sensual blowjob. She's got some serious skill. Definitely knows what she's doing. Meanwhile; I'm smoking a joint and playing with her gorgeous titties and her cute, little round butt. Need I say more? I felt like a fucking King. For a few moments; I kinda struggled to take in all that epicness. To receive all that goodness. It was so damn good it started being too good. To my fragile little ego - of course. A few more puffs and I lay my head down, melting through the bed and into the deep, endless nothingness. She keeps going and going. I feel like I'm falling forever. Never hitting the ground. It's beyond epic. Pure ecstasy. God knows how long it has been, but I finally open my eyes. She knows I'm back. She stops for a moment and smiles at me. 'Are you enjoying yourself?' - she asks. I smile back at her and put my dick back into her mouth. Sliding it slowly deep into her throat. She's gagging a bit but I keep holding her head down. I was so close to cumming into her throat right there, right then. But I resisted and released her. She liked that a lot. A few tears running down her cute, round cheeks. Her eyes half closed - so seductive. A naughty smile on her face. There was little to no space for a thought to occur in my mind... But I remember this thought crossing my mind at some point; 'Holy shit! I just got my dick sucked so good I reached infinite bliss. Enlightenment!' Haha! It was ridiculously good. One very important thing I did not mention 'till now... is her HAIR. Jesus Christ. It's so damn long and so damn thick. Beautiful, brown curls. All the way down to her butt. Great to play around with. I wanted to eat her out so bad. Her pussy is so lovely. It is the essence of femininity. It's so delicate. So delicious. A true work of art. My tongue works its wonders. I speak quite a few languages. I think it's an advantage. Her head is buried deep in the pillow. Her moaning is turning me on like crazy. It's so raw and unfiltered. So real. So primal. So hot. I slowly slide my finger into her. Her pussy is gripping me tight. Just unbelievable. How can a girl be this damn tight? I am losing my mind over it. It's incredibly hot to me. Soon there was room for another finger. I am digging in all directions. Shifting gears. Exploring her divine temple. Then I lock down on her G spot. 'Come, come' motion. My tongue circling her clit. I can hear her chasing the biggest orgasm of her life. Barely having any room left for breathing. Her body showered with adrenaline. She does not cum. I kinda knew she wouldn't. She was chasing too hard. Instead of letting it come to her. It's exactly the same as with Truth-realization. And it's also a pattern I'm used to seeing in girls. Some girls struggle to cum. At least in the very beginning of hooking up with you. No matter what you do, they're always going to be just an inch away from that mind-blowing orgasm. I also struggle with this, from time to time. While the majority of guys cum too fast... I sometimes take forever to cum. Anyways; despite her not cumming, she definitely enjoyed the fuck out of the ride. I give her a few seconds to catch her breath and then start pushing my dick into that tiny, little hole. We agreed to ditch the condoms. Not gonna lie, that entry hurt a bit. No matter how wet she was and how long I've been fingering her. My dick is just too big to enter her just like that. I definitely cannot just shove myself into her. It's a slow, delicate process. I keep pushing slowly, gripping her body tightly. Breathing into her neck. Pulling her hear. Softly whispering in her ear. She's opening up for me. I can feel her muscles relaxing, giving me space. For every centimeter I go deeper; she goes higher and higher. Her eyes roll back and I finally hit the wall. There is no more deeper than this. A few moments of stillness. Vibration. And the ride begins. We fall into a rhythm. Lock into a steady tempo. Breathing in and out of each-other. The sound of her juicy little pussy taking my fat dick is too damn hot. It's jerking my mind off. ASMR style. I turn her around. Her hair wrapped around my hand and I'm hitting it from behind. There is no way I can do it full force. I'd kill the poor little thing. But goddamnit the girl can take it good. She's a real champ. I pull on her hair harder and now she's up and against my body. I kiss her neck. Both of her titties in my one hand. My other hand playing with her clit. She completely loses it. So much so she starts taking control and pounding back real hard. She turns into a wild animal. Yup, you guessed it. She crossed the line and hurt herself a bit. But she shook it off quickly. Demanding me to fuck her more. I love fucking her in all positions. But there's something special about her riding me. Jesus fucking Christ. Serious cardio workout. I'm lowkey afraid of us getting a heart attack at times lol. It's just otherworldly. She's gripping my body tight with her thighs. Her boobs on my chest. She's moaning directly into my ear. Both of my hands on her gorgeous, round butt cheeks. Better yet; both of her butt cheeks in my hands. It just fits perfectly. I love being in charge in this position. It hits the perfect spot. For both of us. I came like fucking Godzilla. The build up was insane. I pulled out the last split-second and came all over her ass and back. ...And we're both shaking again. Laughing while trying to catch our breath. It was a laughter out of pure happiness. Pure joy. Pure satisfaction. She stays like this on top of me for some time. We kiss and cuddle for a while. And then... I look into her eyes and say: 'We must be careful not to fall in love with each-other...' She knew right away what I meant. I mean... This is waaay more than just some casual, empty, meaningless sex. This is hardcore love-making. It took us both by surprise. We took a shower, I walked her to her car and then went for a short walk. It was then that I decided to start this diary. Final thoughts: Yes. The third time, which was last night, was even better. True story. Spoiler alert: She came all over my face. And all over my dick, too. That's why I needed a break tonight. Funny because not that long ago I was bitching about how I feel like fucking all day, all night. And now I can't do three nights in a row lol. I guess even the good can get too much. Or worse; lose its magic. I don't want that to happen. Then there's also this whole 'falling in love' thingy. Which I'm not entirely sure what to think about. I don't want to panic. And I also don't want to cut this out. It's amazing. It should not be stopped. Just moderated. I sure as hell don't want a relationship. She says she doesn't either, but I'm not so sure about that. I think she's falling hard for me. I don't want to hurt her or break her heart. And I don't want to fall in love with her, either. It could happen so easily, unless I, or, we stop it from happening. I need some time and space now. I don't want to lose control over this situation... I ditched 'V' earlier today. - Another FWB I had from before. It did not make sense to keep her around now that I'm regularly hooking up with 'J'. Besides her, there's still 'K'. We rarely hang out, but whenever we do - it's always awesome. Nowhere near as awesome as it is with 'J', but still pretty damn good. More on all that later.

@kinesin That's interesting. I recognise a lot of what you said. I'm curious, how did you have visions? Did it also come in your sleep? How did it stop? What do you mean with already sensitive? I'm skeptical about other 'things'. From what I understand it's just lower and higher energies. And if you focus on these lower energies you feel fear, anxiety and the sorts, while focussing on higher energies you feel bliss etc. This is a good one. I noticed that I feel resistance of letting the Ra Material go. I think am more attached to this then I realised. Anyways, thanks for all the replys

Sometimes knowledge can cause intellectual suffering. Moments of learning that caused me to feel the pain of my ignorance made me really feel this sentiment, “ignorance is bliss.” I wished I had never learned any of [this]. If I hadn’t learned [this], I might feel lost and confused at some points in my life—but I would avoid the intense intellectual pain of more acute identification with my thoughts. another aspect of knowledge is simplicity of life. Panic might motivate me to a greater or lesser degree, even if I learn more.

Kundalini experience, yes on 2grams of lemon tek golden teacher, ended up experiencing so much love and bliss beyond words, the amount of joy I experienced on every part of my body was beyond my imagination, and the experience literally opened my heart chakra. But I've had a lot of meditation and Kriya Yoga experiences before that trip. if you know what you are doing with psychedelics, these substances are amazing tools for accelerating your spiritual growth really.

Right now I have tears in my eyes. I'm so overwhelmed with deep bliss and liberation. Islam feels like liberation

92. Why Am I Depressed? Bottom line: Because your psychology sucks. 1. Clinical depression. Legitimate physiological conditions. (Minority) 2. In a bad psychological state. Not taking responsibility for your personal development. (Majority) Your happiness level is only about 50% genetics. (Book: The How Of Happiness) Stop being a victim and take ownership of your own psychology. The software is more important than the hardware. You are too identified with yourself. Too self-absorbed. Too egotistical. Your depression is contributing to that false sense of who you are. Also, have a negative self-image. Like that something is inherently wrong with you. These are mostly operating on you on a subconscious level. Writing them out might help. Realizing that all this past history is bullshit. Let it go. Meditation will help. It'll get you in touch with genuine happiness. The natural state of a human being is bliss and happiness. Without external stimulation. This will prove to you that your depression is self-created. Other things feeding into your depression: - Not living in integrity with your values - Being inauthentic and fake with other people, and with yourself (not honoring what you're actually feeling) Solutions: - Introspection. Developing an understanding of you're creating your depression. - Meditation. At least 20 minutes. - Exercise. Studies show that it is equally effective as anti-depressants. - Do the little things you know you need to be doing. Eat healthily, wake up on time, get to work on time, etc. - Life purpose. You need a strong sense of purpose. To know what you're committed to creating in your life. When your life is about serving others and not just about you. - Serious meditation and contemplation work. Research the ideas of ego, subconscious mind, and enlightenment.

Holism & Holistic Thinking - Part 1 "When we try to pick out anything by itself we find it hitched to everything else in the Universe." --John Muir What is holism? "The theory that parts of a whole are in intimate interconnection, such that they cannot exist independently of the whole, or cannot be understood without reference to the whole, which is thus regarded as greater than the sum of its parts." --Oxford Dictionary Key: Irreducibility. What really matters is the relationships between the objects and not the objects themselves. Holism is the opposite of reductionism or atomism. (Treating nature as just a collection of discrete individual objects.) Reductionism is an implicit part of the materialistic paradigm. (The idea that the universe is real, material, objective, external, and doesn't depend upon the mind. Boiling everything down to something like atoms, so to understand a frog we take it out of its territory and study its blended-up parts under a microscope.) This is not how to understand reality, because so much is missed, this unholistic way of thinking leads to many dysfunctions and pathologies. If you believe you can, it's an implicit part of your epistemology and metaphysics you're sneaking in without validation or proof. Episode: Deconstructing The Myth Of Science - Part 1, 2, 3 The frog will behave differently in the lab than in its natural habitat. Scientists underestimate the entanglement problem between the scientist and what is being studied. Your understanding of what the frog is really is in your mind and not existing out there. There are different gradations of science. Lower and higher quality science. It's easier and cheaper to study a frog in a lab compared to going to its territory. School, academia, science, business, healthcare, government all have a bias towards analysis and division. Your mind can be very divisive or it can be used in a more unitive fashion, synthesizing and unifying things. This is deemphasized in our institutions. Often we're using analysis to achieve a certain survival result. This leads to a lot of narrow specialists in the world with lots of technical expertise. High technical expertise but very little wisdom. One of the features of wisdom is that it's holistic. Key lesson: Start to see how important holism is and how little it is stressed in most institutions and areas within society. Why is holism so important? Examples: Pharmaceutical companies thinking unholistically while trying to find medicines for curing one disease and not paying attention to all the possible side effects on the body and mind because the CEO says it's all about driving up the stock prices of the company and that it's not his concern but the therapists. Compartmentalizing the problem, treating it as though it's not your problem. Also, the way we market and push the drug so hard through TV ads so that people who don't even need the drug end up getting prescribed it, get addicted, depressed, and shoots up the school of the daughter of the CEO. In a sense, everything is your problem. Holistic thinking requires much more taking much more responsibility for all of your actions and all of the secondary and tertiary consequences. Disney buying Star Wars from Lukas just to make money from it and no nice overarching vision or conclusions. Why? Because they didn't have a holistic approach to this problem. The visionary brings to a project this overarching holistic sense of direction, of what they're doing, of vision. Notice how various forms of entertainment have fallen prey to this. The people who take over reducing the whole thing down by slapping some things together and hoping it will just work out. By reducing Star Wars like that you're reducing something that's greater than the sum of its parts. Chess. In a sense chess is a battle for the most holistic understanding and intuition. The most beautiful chess games are those where some great sacrifice is made to come back later for the win. People who are unholistic paint themselves into a corner easily. In chess it's called a fool's mate, you think you're going to win, but it was just a lure and you lacked the holistic understanding. Master equations that explain all of life: (34:55) Contemplate these two for years, it'll keep paying off. Holism = wholeness = health = healing = Unity = Oneness = infinity = harmony, balance = Goodness = Love = God = Selflessness = wisdom = Beauty = holy = heaven = bliss = peace = happiness Lack of holism = division = fragmentation = partiality = brokenness = lack of harmony, imbalance = limitation = finite = selfishness = ugly = evil = hell = suffering Consciousness can have various levels of holism to it. From infinitely unholistic, fragmented, and divided to infinitely unified and everything in between. And depending on where you are on this scale is going to be the quality of your life and how beautiful and holy life seems to you as an individual. Collectively, as a species, the more unified we are, the more holistic we are the more beautiful our societies will be. The more beautiful our cities will be, the less war we'll have, the more peace we'll have. Peace through unification. "Unification needs to happen at all holons, higher and higher, until we reach an infinite unity. This is what human history has been about for the last 10.000 years." First as tribes, then as city-states, then as nations, now we're starting to unify as the globe, which is meeting a lot of resistance. "The reality is that anything short of infinite unity is going to lead to suffering, ugliness, and limitation. The whole point of spiritual work is to let go of all your partialities, all of your divisions, which means becoming more selfless, the most difficult thing to do, and when you become completely selfless then you realize that you're God. (Infinitely selfless consciousness) And the reason you don't realize you're God right now is because you're in a divided, highly fragmented, highly partial sense of consciousness. You think you're a little human, that's separate from the universe, humans, animals, planets, and solar systems. ...This is how to heal the world and how to heal yourself." Your ego is not fully unified, it's fragmented. One day you're all gung ho about meditating, self-actualizing, eating healthy, and going to the gym. The next day you're lazy, you don't go to the gym, and eat a bucket of ice cream, and don't want to self-actualize. (Ego-backlash) "Harmonize the situation instead of shaming and guilting yourself, further fragmenting." How do you fix this? With love. Love is that which can understand, and recognize and accept, integrate through acceptance, through a higher understanding. How To Forgive Anyone Who Hurt You (56:20) The essence of shadow work: "Recognizing parts of reality that you've disowned by expanding your consciousness, a more holistic understanding of that situation, and then incorporating it, integrating it, loving it, accepting it, unifying it until there's no shadow." God is that which has no shadow because it's infinitely conscious of itself. No more warring with yourself and warring with others. You recognize it's the same thing. The higher your consciousness goes, the more unity you experience, the more blissful your life will be, the more loving you will be with others in your life and with yourself, the more you will accept yourself the happier you will be. And if you take this far enough your consciousness becomes infinitely unified you will experience heaven, paradise. What is hell? The absence of love. "Unholistic thinking creates duality and division, that's the problem." Examples: "Facts don't care about your feelings." -Ben Shapiro Your facts are very much influenced by your feelings. It's like severing your head from your heart. A lot of who you are is in your body, not just in your head. A lot of emotions and trauma are carried in the body. It's usually your emotions and wounds that drive you deeply subconsciously. And then you don't take care of those issues in your body, it creates pathology. It's part of the materialistic paradigm and our education system. Techniques: Yogic practices, Shamanic Breathing, Bioenergetics. Popular duality in politics is "the globalist elite vs the ordinary little people". There's not that much difference psychologically between elites and regular folk. Most elites are more educated, have more consciousness, and are more developed and loving people than regular folk. There are definitely deep corruptions within the elites themselves. But no matter how much corruption you see in the elites, the corruption in the lower classes is way worse than in the elites. That's the key mistake that many Trumpists, and supporters of Trump and right-wing populism make. This is analogous to the problem that happened with Hitler. His whole spiel was that we wanted to take over Germany from the globalist elites on behalf of the regular folk, that was his whole appeal. Trump is better than Hitler, but there are deep analogies. And there's a lot of foolishness to go around on both sides the right-wing and the left-wing. Criminals vs the good guys, the upstanding. Demonizing and hating criminals and not treating them humanely creates a shadow. This increases recidivism rates and makes them become more criminal, especially in the US- In Scandinavian Nordic countries they get much better results. Much more humane prison systems. Rehabilitation rather than punishment. To want to rehabilitate them you have to see the criminal as not separate from you. If we're holistic and even-minded in the way we see things most of us are criminals in one way or another. The criminal elements of society are literally just parts of your own psyche as God. Duality between science and spirituality. In our universities, anything spiritual is seen as anti-scientific and it's really not allowed within them. Treated as a joke, unscientific, lack of rigor, lack of truthfulness. And conversely, in many spiritual circles rationality, thinking, and testing own theories is ignored. Both camps suffer for that. For science to fully flourish and to really understand reality at the deepest level it needs spiritual insight, from meditation, yoga, etc. It needs to consider deep metaphysical issues which are at the heart of science, which spirituality can shed a powerful light on. The mind-body problem can be resolved through spirituality but cannot be resolved through materialistic science. And spirituality needs a lot more science behind it. Through rigorous research into psychedelics, yoga, and meditation techniques. "Unholistic thinking creates conflict, fights, violence, war, racism, genocide, slavery, exploitation and even civilizational collapse can occur from this. Whereas holism interconnects everything and tells you what is important and what is meaningful in life." "One of the consequences of this materialistic, reductionistic attitude or paradigm that has been adopted by our culture in the West over the last hundred years especially, through the 20th century and still through today, is that it has tried to demystify nature too much. And in so doing it has stripped life of its meaning or its spirit." This makes you lose sight of the highest most important thing which is holism, unity, and love. Your spiritual connection to life, not just through your head, but also through your body, and through your emotional system, intuition, and your feminine side. We've had this schism between the masculine and the feminine. You're not a whole person this way." The essence of wisdom is that keen discernment and prioritizing the higher over the lower. The foolishness of our current society is that we've actually prioritized the lower over the higher. Technology, materialism, money, and pleasure and hedonism and raw data, and facts, and information above everything else. Example: You'll get dismissed going into a university saying that love is the most important thing to study. To do good science you actually have to be able to feel into reality with great sensitivity and mindfulness. The solution is not to go back to religion but to find the next level of synthesis and holism which start to integrate the best from religion and the best from science, a higher synthesis of those two. Without holism your life becomes petty, mechanical, utilitarian, demystified, and dysfunctional, you lose your connection to life, hence the epidemics of depression, suicide, and opioid addiction. When you rob people of their spiritual connection they just become zombies and robots and then they kill themselves if they're not able to get the sort of success they see people getting on TV. You literally feel disconnected and alienated from people, society, nature, animals, Spirit, Goodness, the Self, Love, and God. What you want most of all is you want to feel infinitely connected to everything. That's Love. "Everything we seek in any domain of life is wholeness and unity." In religion, we'll have to do the counterintuitive of being selfless and surrendering our attachments and beliefs in for example Christ as being the one true savior or Mohammed being the last prophet. To then create the true religion that loves all the other religions. That would heal the world at the plain of religion. In business, every business seeks to be a monopoly. To achieve a healthier unity within business we'd have to recognize that it's healthy for us to have business competition, and to have different sectors controlled by different companies and that we shouldn't be buying up and using various kinds of anti-trust method to collude and then to squeeze our competitors out of the marketplace. We want a healthy economy which has many different companies of different sizes, that creates more innovation, that will actually help to create a better economy for more people, better wages, more inventions and it'll benefit everybody this way. To do that you'd have to think more holistically. Every family seeks wholeness and unity which requires more holism. Science is trying to achieve unity and wholeness. Science wants to understand everything, a theory of everything, but it thinks that it can do that through the methods of science without realizing that it can't because science is not everything. It's self-defeating. Similarly, in Mathematics, mathematicians want to try to understand reality only as numbers. Without realizing that they're just projecting numbers onto reality. You can understand a lot about nature through math, it's been very effective, but it only gets you so far. Science deeply suffers from this, because current science and academia don't consider a thing true unless it can be quantified and put into an equation which is called formalization. This is extremely unholistic, reductionistic, myopic, and leaves out the most important aspects of reality. For example, you can't quantify Love and Infinity, which is what reality is. You can only quantify the finite not the infinite. Infinity is not a math thing, it's all of reality, of which math is just one subset. In Geopolitics people seek wholeness and unity. Less healthy way: Seeking unity by dominating other countries or by exterminating other countries and races and people. Healthy Geopolitics: Unity through peace, alliances, and mutual agreements. By respecting each other's boundaries and differences and we don't try to dominate everybody else, trying to create a global empire, and trying to put our own country above all the other countries. This is part of the pathology of the Trump policy of America first. It ends up boomeranging and creating the opposite effect. Americans are only one-tenth of the whole planet. The other nine-tenths will just organize themselves into a more selfless alliance that will ultimately be stronger than America which will then wither away. That's what America first would get you effectively if it would have continued for 50 more years. This is the short-sightedness of selfishness. Unity is sought in relationships. As well as in health. Language seeks unity. There's a unification force within currency as well. This is evolution and life. Unity and division in an infinite fractal all the way up and down the different levels of the holoarchy. Episodes: Division vs Unity & Understanding Duality 1, 2 & especially 3 Reductionism is easily exploited by devils. It's very easy to be selfish by deliberately limiting the scope of your holistic understanding to something very small and narrow. A classic strategy. Using our minds to carve up reality into tiny parts makes it easy for nobody to take responsibility for all the parts. This leads to pathologies in science creating a fractured view of nature. Spirituality expands that little circle of concern until it becomes infinite and then everything is your problem and responsibility. Many people vote on a single issue that they're been fearmongered about. (abortion, guns, etc) To have a well-functioning democracy we need citizens that are so holistic that they care about the well-being and health of the entire country and even the entire world. Immune against manipulation by devils on single narrow issues. A single issue is not as important as all the issues. This requires more empathy, an expanding circle of concern as well as becoming more selfless. The devil, any deeply selfish organism, creates a very narrow circle of concern within infinite consciousness and then defends that to death. Most humans create these gross externalities without being conscious of, taking responsibility for, the collateral damage they cause creating a toxic commons for everybody to swim in. Leadership is nothing other than selflessness, it's one of the most important factors. Bad leadership is extreme selfishness and narcissism a la Hitler or Trump. Self-bias privileges one part of the universe at the expense of another. Episode: Self-bias "Recognize that your mind carves up reality not arbitrarily and not in accordance with the truth but in whichever way serves your ego best. This is the antithesis of holism. The reason most people aren't holistic is simply because they're too selfish." Understanding recontextualization Another problem with lack of holism is that narrow expertise is vulnerable to recontextualization. A set of facts without its context doesn't mean very much and when you have an unholistic perspective on the universe whatever facts you have are always vulnerable to a radical recontextualization. Science grossly underestimates this problem. A robust and solid science needs to be immune to radical recontextualization. And then the only way to be immune is by expanding your context until it's infinite. This means your field has to be the entirety of the universe as a whole. The more big picture you have the less detail you have and the more detail you have the less big picture understanding. Like zooming in or out of the Earth. Holism is zooming out. The power of the ultimate holism is that you zoom out so far that you grasp the whole thing even though you don't understand all the details. In a sense that's omniscience. There are two ways to use your thoughts: to divide reality or unity reality. We in our education and culture are biased towards divisive type of thinking. Which kind of thought do you use most of the time? Which type of thinking leads to more peace and which leads to more conflict and war? Which one do you want? All thought is fundamentally dualistic and incomplete, even unitive thinking. You can't use the part to grasp the whole and yet still there are degrees of quality to thought, not all thought is equally good. Incrementally increase the quality of your thinking, making it more holistic, integrative, and unitive, without surrendering your ability to do analysis. And then eventually your holism gets so high that you recognize that even thought itself is too limited and too unholistic to transcend thought itself. The highest holism doesn't occur within thought it occurs within consciousness. The highest holism is infinite consciousness which is beyond thinking. But thinking is still important! The more holistic your understanding the better you can manipulate systems towards health and the highest good without them boomeranging on you. We can't create a healthy society without thinking and holistic understanding of the systems we're dealing with. Holistic thinking can foresee the counter-intuitive twists and turns that reality takes. Libertarians don't understand that their cry for absolute freedom boomerangs on itself. Freedom, as humans desire it, has to be delicately balanced and harmonized with restrictions and regulations to ensure that your freedom doesn't turn into enslavement. Complex problems require holistic solutions. Holism generates more robust solutions than otherwise. Why is the highest intelligence holistic? Intelligence can be thought of as holistic pattern recognition leading to insight. It's intuition, the ability to interconnect dots and to see the whole picture of a situation. Inherent features of the highest intelligence: Ability to deeply see the context. Ability to go meta and to transcend. Ability to self-reflect. Ability to take on multiple perspectives and higher perspectives. Ability to be unbiased and selfless. Equal concern for all levels of the holarchy. As you contemplate for yourself what intelligence is and as you're experiencing higher levels of intelligence contemplate: "Why are these things the case & why are they important to the highest intelligence"? Psychedelics are awesome because they change the neurotransmitters, upgrade them, to ones that offer more interconnections. Interconnecting together more of your mind. To the point where ultimately the interconnections become infinitely dense. Every corner of the universe interconnects with itself infinitely such that this circle becomes a completely solid, glowing, white orb of pure interconnectedness. = God = Love = Intelligence = Beauty = Infinity = Eternity = the Self, your true highest Self. At this level of interconnectedness and holism the boundaries and physical divisions of everything in the universe collapse. All is equally you without any bias or partiality or favoritism. That's the godhead, infinite consciousness, complete awakening to yourself as God. And this complete interconnectedness goes on forever, it's an infinite well of Love that you keep falling deeper and deeper into and it becomes more and more interconnected forever. Why is holism so rare? Costs to holism: You can't break holism down into bite-sized chunks very easily, it requires putting a lot of pieces together and holding them in your mind at once. Actualized episodes are long because they're trying to bring them all together. This is mentally overwhelming. As a devil, you make life easier by not taking responsibility. It requires selflessness. As a selfish needy person, it's hard to be concerned about anything very far beyond yourself. Holism requires a transcendence of one's survival, one's biases. Because at the highest holism you are completely unbiased, consciousness is completely unbiased. No difference between you getting raped, tortured, or getting a birthday cake. Understandably very threatening to the ego. Holism requires surrendering yourself until ultimately you surrender yourself so deeply that there's nothing left to surrender. That would be going all the way. But even increasing your holism still requires surrendering something. This would be the selfless life, surrendering everything else important in your life, the money, sex, drugs, business, career, house, and children. The only thing that matters to you being to be completely unbiased in how you see yourself. That would be true selflessness and it would lead to the ultimate Love. The reason you can't love everybody and everything is that you're so partial, always judging everything good or bad because your self needs to survive as that little thing that it is. "And as you surrender more of yourself, the distortions that obscure your vision of yourself and reality, fall away, the fog clears, the clouds clear, and what you see is you approach closer and closer to Truth. And at that moment when you completely surrender every single bias you have and every single personal preference for good and evil, and you completely surrender yourself, at that moment you die, and you become the truth. And Truth is complete selflessness, Love, God. That's God-realization. The cost is all of your selfishness." You don't select to be selfless because it's going to do something good for you, you select to be selfless because you want to be selfless and that is its own reward. That is the highest wisdom, to see that. It's the most counter-intuitive thing about the universe, the decision to become selfless. Because everything in your body and mind is screaming for you to become more selfish.

"Ignorance is bliss, but only for the ignorant. For the rest of us it's a right pain in the arse." - Ricky Gervais

Last night I became aware of another aspect of myself. "The Infinite". I get what your saying and even the whatever at the end. It's like somtimes you just gotta focus on your own bliss of knowing.

Ignorance is bliss.

@Zeroguy I'm not a fan of either of those. Make a channel talking about what it's like to experience tears of bliss/joy and how to open your heart and experience love. If you are an effective teacher people will watch. Who doesn't want love and bliss?

@preventingdiabetes yes it's the same for financial needs up to a point. But after that point it just feeds an addiction. Survival and enlightenment are not completely opposed to one another. From one perspective enlightenment is perfect happiness. It's unhealthy to think that enlightenment is the only meaningful thing in life. What makes enlightenment desirable is the same thing that made those burritos that i just ate desirable. It's both happiness. So instead of seeing burritos as opposed to enlightenment it should be seen as a window to enlightenment. Finding gratitude and pleasure in the simple things in life is a spiritual practice. There are however two legitimate reason why eating burritos could be unhealthy: 1. If you have cheese on them. Make simple healthy vegan ones instead, they are still delicious i promise. 2. If we eat burritos to distract us from an emotional wound, such as scarcity trauma. Then we become distracted from facing and healing that wound at it's core. There is still no shame in eating burritos to cope just know that the happiness you seek in burritos can be found in abundance in emotional healing. And emotional healing takes us closer to enlightenment. The road to God is paved with bliss. Same goes for finances. It's all good to fix your finances up to a point but if wealth becomes a crutch to not face a deeper emotional trauma. Then it's better to face the trauma. Transcending can happen in two ways: transcend and include or transcend and repress. Transcending and including means eating healthy, delicious food, having stable finances and doing chakra meditation/kundalini yoga/kriya yoga to melt you ego in comfort, pleasure, joy, love and bliss. Transcending and repressing means selling all your stuff, starve under a tree, dominate all your desires as you sit in meditation 20 hours a day as your body is falling apart. If you do option one with rigor I think it will actually get you to a lasting enlightenment faster than option 2. Buddhists have a hard time embodying and getting their enlightenment to stick. I think Leo teaches the latter option, which is too bad. Focus on emotional healing. The ego is made out of suffering. Lastly what I want to say is this: I became hungry from writing about the burritos I'm gonna go and devour another one have a nice day

I definitely understand not wanting to sell out to make money and get a bunch of delusional seekers to worship you lol. But don't you think if you could be a good/effective teacher then it would be worth it? Imagine... You could be such a good teacher that it would be like "Hey Rap snap your finger 4 times and breath in and out and boom you're enlightened and full of bliss"

Be free to move this to self actualization or even serious emotional problems, but I would really like an advice from an spirituality-enlightment work perspective, more than from a mental illness perspective. This morning I woke up with "terrible feeling thoughts". And for the 999th time, I believed them/thought I was them. But a big question out of desperation came up "What the fuuuuuck am going to do with this mind?". Kind of Eckhart Tolle sort of way before his Enlightment, Yup. But here it hasn't happened yet. And life it's just this weird theatre between bad feeling thoughts most of the time and little short "teases" of realizing my suffering is completely imaginary and created by thoughts. But those instances are like 0.01% of time. Meditation works but it lasts sooo little. I basically have to be doing it constantly to feel at peace from the mind. So I do know it's just the mind. I do know what causes me suffering it's just thoughts. I do know I am not my thoughts. I do know the thoughts are NOT the truth! Love is the truth. The present moment. Everything else it's just relative biased thoughts conditioned by my specific ego life and survival strategies. Totally relative. However I also must confess, I am not sure if due to late stress, I stumble In between ideas of being super motivated to accomplish everything I wanted in life (stage orange stuff + being optimistic about healing my mental illness) in between fantasizing about leaving everything and bliss myself the fuck out in a cave with no food until I completely heal myself in a hardcore way (Sadghuru type of awakening). Not to say that I am saying I would be able to do it. Just because ...hey, I would prefer doing that that killing myself. Just to give you context ,even though I feel I did tremendous progress in my last psychedelic trip, it's also true than the following day after tripping, I went to the kitchen and put a knife in my neck and tried to cut me in front of two people (a girl I shared flat with and I liked, and his boyfriend which came by the previous night) It was a theatre, ( because I deliveretely chose a knife that I knew didn't cut almost nothing when I could have taken the one who does cut well ) that I did to be "saved" by them because I felt hated/not loved by them (my best bet of what social anxiety/feelings of unworthiness are) and by doing that they would help me, because I knew if I did that in front of them suddenly the conversation would switch (they were talking in the kitchen) to Me and my Pain (not my neck pain Lol, but the pain of being feeling bad because of this unworthiness/self hate energy, which got intensely triggered when I heard them having sex for an hour last night when I was still under the lsd effects. So doing that "theatre" was a way of releasing it ). Yeah...That's probably insane but I must confess I did felt very fucking good about that situation weeks later. I felt kind of guilt for putting them in that uncomfotarble situation, but my My ego did felt the love it was craving by doing that dumb theatre. I just think that that's how nasty, unconventional and uncomfotarble some roads to healing get. Or at least that's what I want to believe. That I am going fine and I'm going "up" in life. But the boyfriend of this girl also adviced me that I should go back to my parents and start over. They didn't know the knife thing was a threate. I don't agree with him, that would be like starting again from scratch, that doesn't win me anything. Staying here though being independent almost guarantees me growth. Yet life seems so highly unstable at times. Yesterday I almost crushed my car. I got distracted because of being in this mental space of stress and kind of angry. So that's not good. Mmm don't know I'm honestly not sure where this is going. But I also can't quit right? ???‍♂️ I must keep playing the game..I just can't go back to my parents house and lock myself in the basement.to go play videogames. I just thought life was going to be.... A little.bit easier... when I got out of that "basement"some years ago wanting to become a full healed man. And of course...that's all a story because life is ain't that hard it's just my mind that keep creating imaginations and Fantasies with thoughts, and I keep believing myself to be them. Mind...could you step up to one side, and let me live for once? ?

Aloneness/Oneness is both beautiful, perfect, and also terrifying. Because God is all things. God is terror, shock, surprise, wonder, perfection...etc..it's EVERYTHING. It is also the ego!! Surprise!!.. it's OK for God to feel terrified the first time it realizes there is nothing outside of it! It IS it's own mother! And it IS it's own son! It IS everyone in this forum, and the forum itself!! And It IS evil! It IS torture, rape, war...to discover there is absolutely no separation between anything and itself, that it is One. Is shocking. But it's ALSO Absolute Bliss, Goodness and Love simultaneously!!!! Because it's EVERYTHING. This isn't ego or delusion. Notice it is YOUR bias that excludes terror about Oneness/Aloneness (notice alone = Al-One) that is actually ego not the other way around! The realization of Oneness is extremely profound and radical and if you haven't hit the floor in both Love/Bliss and terror, shock and awe than you probably ain't awake!

You said it yourself: cos We are Infinite. Ta-daaaa. If it was NOT possible to <'fuck up, feel pain, be bad, be selfish, be evil, suffer'> then, oh dear God, We wouldn't be Infinite & Eternal -- but We ARE! The lesson in this life is for you/me/us to fucking understand that We do NOT want all this unconscious, ignorant, selfish, evil devilry (being asleep) anymore because IT FUCKING HURTS in the end <3 I don't want to suffer anymore. I want peace, goodness, happiness, love, contentment and joy for every sentient being that I am in the whole universe. Consciousness. Being awake. Knowledge. Selflessness. Cosmic Consciousness. Oneness. Love. But it takes a lot of ignorant devilry, pain, fear, anger, shame, suffering ... and conscious effort to get there, because ignorant, unconscious, selfish devilry is also kind of exciting, right (?), and it seems like the essence of 'fun' to Us. But I'm fucking tired of it now. Seems like many children on the planet are starting to grow tired of egoistical behaviour. But you cannot fuck around with survival. You gotta satisfy the bottom 4 levels of Maslow's Pyramid of Needs before even being able to start acknowleding that you were programmed to survive and that you have followed this social conditioning your whole life, more or less. The most 'sneaky and intelligent way' for the 'ego' to perform devilry is to perform it without acknowleding it. We are all often acting primarily from a place of ego in so many small and big ways while simultaneously believing we are acting from a place of charity and integrity. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions". “Kindly let me help you or you will drown, said the monkey, putting the fish safely up a tree." The thing is though, try to imagine what it would be like if all that existed was 'obvious Heaven' -- omniscient, unselfish, blissfull beings just flying around in Paradise. No pain, no suffering, no devilry. Just pure Love, Joy, Happiness, Goodness, Contentment for You and Everyone. After an eternity of this, don't you think you would start to be fucking bored? Maybe You would want to imagine a chaotic dream where You *forgot* You were God, and where you didn't know shit about what would happen, since the world inside that dream would be filled with chaos, evil and death. Wouldn't that be exciting? I mean it's just a dream right; only it gets more exciting: because you willingly forgot it was just a dream! Wouldn't it be a fantastic dream if it was possible for You -- as 'an imaginary, internal, separate self' stuck in 'a chaotic, physical, external world' -- to get all this "anxious chaos & ignorant, selfish devilry" 'straightened out' to "calm order & conscious, selfless goodness & love" ? ... Just like when you take a deck of cards and shuffle them into disorder and chaos, and then shall try to bring them back into order and harmony. That's fun, that's exciting... Will the (imaginary) evil win? Or will Love win? Let's see! Let's play! Lila - Divine Play. It's all just God/Love though, remember? ;-) <3 Most people don't, which is exactly the point! Awakening/Spiritual Enlightenment is God allowing Himself to "wake up" through a small amount of dream-characthers inside His Dream. Hehe :-) <3 ;-) Love is Awareness is Boring is Ignorance is Exciting is Bliss is Fear is Suffering is Healing is Awareness is Love An infinite strange loop. The serpent eating its own tail. Meet Me "in the middle" of all these seemingly polar opposites: good - bad ... selfless - selfish ... love - hate ... excitement - boredom ... being - non-being ... peace - fear ... happiness - misery ... expression - depression ... harmony - chaos ... infinite - finite ... eternity - transient ... light - darkness ... consciousness - ignorance ... freedom - captivity ... invulnerability - helplessness ... perfection - imperfection ... control - impotence ... truth - falsehood ... courage - fear ... innonence - lust ... non-attachment - attachment ... humility - pride ... serenity - anger ... authenticity -- deceit ... play - seriousness ... life - death ... dream - real ... emptiness - form ... nothingness - nouns ... movement - stagnation ... one - many ... contentment - dissatisfaction ... enough - lacking ... heaven - hell ... profound - mundane ... music - silence ... beauty - ugliness ... now - past ... now - future ... equality - difference ... unique - common .... soul - ego ... awake - asleep ... forgiveness - judgment ... letting go - holding on ... encouragement - blame ... trust - reject ... absolute - limited .... imagination - dullness ... mystical - understandable ... mind - matter ... mental - physical ... thought - material ... idealism - materialism ... non-duality - duality ... spirituality - earthly ... magical - typical ... god - devil ... fate - coincidence ... free will - determined ... actual - theoretical ... experience - conceptual ... inner - outer ... groundless - grounded ... unlimited - limited ... unbounded - bounded ... freshness - old ... self-evident - paradoxical ... unity - opposites ... inexplicable - explainable ... purpose - accident ... meaning - nihilism ... growth - mistakes ... whole - deficient ... interconnected - disconnected ... gifted - cursed ... blessed - mortal ... creative - useless ... intelligent - simple-minded ... illusion - human ... transcendental - egoic finite mind ... nirvana - samsara ... play - survival ... balance - battle ... sincerity - game ... symmetry - confusion ... natural - artifical ... unforced - enforced ... liberated - ruled ... emancipated - dominated ... responsible - victim ... reflection - put-down ... self-governed - enslaved ... listening - disregarding ... open - closed ... redemption - being lost ... tolerated - blocked ... giving - losing ... ineffable - logical ... surrendering - resisting ... supportive - careless ... mutualism - antagonism ... reciprocity - hostility ... conciliation - alienation ... synergism - noncooperation ... warm - cold ... symbiosis - conflict ... tranquility - agitation ... neutrality - egoism ... magnanimity - vengeance ... self-sacrifice - egomania ... soft - hard ... sacrificing - self-indulgence ... charity - exploitation ... compassion - heartlessness ... artlessness - pretentiousness ... light - heavy ... candidness - deception ... divinity - atrociousness ... unwearied - tired ... overflowing - lifeless ... lively - inanimate ... vibrating - motionless ... energetic - stagnant ... wavy - straight ... concurrence - asynchrony ... linked - fragmented ... reciprocal - separate ... unified - divided ... whimsical - fixed ... alterable - established ... healing - suffering ... transformative - destructive ... laid-back .. expressive - depressive ... bold - shy ... calm - traumatized ... sobriety - addiction ... adventurous - scared ... audacious - fearful ... bravery - cowardice ... acceptance - denial ... innocent - ashamed ... forbearance - anger ... acknowledgement - contemptuous ... fertile - infertile ... admiration - condemnation ... significance - worthlessness ... gracefulness - crudeness ... fondness - loathing ... approve - blame ... respect - scorn ... integrity - hypocrisy ... appreciation - envy ... self-esteem - self-loathe ... humbleness - hubris ... mercy - coldheartedness ... kindliness - enmity ... let go - cling ... affinity - aversion ... passion - abomination ... concurrency - resistance ... concordance - discordance ... virtue - atrocity ... clarity - murkiness ... tenderness - harsh ... keenness - nonchalance ... awareness - apathy engaged - inert ... wide-awake - absent ... lucid - distracted ... mindful - abstracted ... meditative - overlooking ... focused - scattered ... contemplative - unreflective ... bright - dim ... pure - impure ... mesmerized - inattentive ... renew - remain ... embrace - bypass ... cheerful - melancholic ... optimistic - pessimistic ... celebrate - mourn... attend to - neglect ... deliverance - deadlock ... fulfill - fail ... fruitful - barren ... attainment - defeat ... wonder - expect ... question - answer ... curiosity - conformity ... amity - bitterness ... unassuming - arrogant ... observant - oblivious ... synchronicity - chance ... entanglement - loneliness ... indefinite - confined ... exploration - conclusion ... honesty - biased ... content - greedy ... silent - noisy ... Lila (Divine Play) - one-upmanship When the finite, egoic mind is fully dropped there is just seen to be: Goodness, Selflessness, Love, Excitement, Being, Peace, Happiness, Expression, Harmony, Infinity, Eternity, Light, Consciousness, Freedom, Perfection, Control, Truth, Courage, Innonence, Non-Attachment, Humility, Serenity, Authenticity, Play, Life, Dream, Emptiness, Nothingness, Movement, Oneness, Contentment, Enough, Heaven, Profound, Music, Beauty, Now, Equality, Uniqueness, Soul, Awake, Enlightened, Forgiveness, Letting Go, Faith, Encouragement, Trust, Absolute, Imagination, Mystery, Mind, Mental, Thought, Idealism, Non-Duality, Spirituality, Magic, God, Fate, Free Will, Actuality, Experience, Inner, Groundlessness, Unlimited, Unbounded, Freshness, Self-Evident, Unity, Inexplicability, Divine Purpose, Meaningful Growth, Whole, Interconnected, Gifted, Blessed, Creativity, Intelligence, Illusion, Transcendence, Nirvana, Play, Balance, Sincerity, Symmetry, Natural, Unforced, Liberated, Emancipated, Self-Responsible, Self-Love, Listening, Open, Universal Redemption, Divine Tolerance, Ever-Giving, Ineffable, Divine Surrender, Nurturing, Universal Support, Unleashed, Mutual, Reciprocal, Conciliation, Synergy, Warmth, Symbiosis, Tranquility, Neutrality, Magnanimity, Self-Sacrifice, Softness, Charity, Compassion, Artlessness, Light, Candid, Divinity, Unweariedness, Overflow, Aliveness, Vibrations, Energy, Waves, Concurrence, Linked, Unified, Whimsical, Alterable, Healed, Transformed, Laid-Back, Expressive, Boldness, Calmness, Sobriety, Adventure, Audacity, Bravery, Acceptance, Patience, Forbearance, Acknowledgement, Fertility, Admiration, Significance, Gracefulness, Fondness, Approval, Respect, Integrity, Appreciation, Self-Esteem, Humbleness, Mercy, Kindliness, Let-Go, Affinity, Passion, Universal Familiy, Divine Concurrency, Concordance, Virtue, Clarity, Tenderness, Keenness, Awareness, Engagement, Wide-Awake, Lucid, Mindful, Meditative, Focused, Contemplative, Bright, Pure, Mesmerizing, Renewal, Embracing, Cheerfully, Optimism, Celebration, Attending, Deliverance, Fulfilled, Fruitful, Divine Attainment, Wonder, Questioning, Curiosity, Amity, Unassuming Observant, Synchronicity, Universal Entaglement, Indefinite Exploration, Honesty, Content Silence, Lila (Divine Play). See: Love ya all.

Damn that was good bro! Well said! Being fully awake is truly beyond words. There are levels to awakening to God realization but once fully awake,one sees how they really are Everything. The walls and floors and streets become your skin just like the body and everyone is you,all the people and creatures and plants and air and water. Beyond words,the bliss of it all. You'll be smiling and crying at the same time it's so magnificent,so beautiful,so perfect ❤️

"Wonder is the beginning of wisdom - The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing - Death may be the greatest of all human blessings." - Socrates There seems to be only one truth we can all agree on: death. But what is death? "meow" says the cat. "death is the Day of Judgment" says the Abrahamic religions. "death is non-existence" says the atheist. "death is rebirth" says Buddhism. "death is unknowable" says the agnostic. "I don't know what death is" said Socrates. "I have never personally, directly experienced this 'death'-thing, so if I'm being totally honest with myself, I don't even know if death is real, just like I don't know if there are monsters under my bed while I'm sleeping. Heck, I can't even remember getting born, so maybe even believing that I was born on xx.yy.zzzz is equivalent to believing that the tree - that allegedly fell in the forest - made a sound of its own" says the open mind. "death is an illusion" said/says the mystics. Human life might just be God's way of trying to convince Himself that being awake (aware) is better than being asleep (ignorant)... Human life might just be The Universe's way of trying to convince Itself that non-existence is better than existence... But perhaps She should seek out a way to "merge the two"; as in to exist but in a dream. Lucidly dreaming, it still all feels real even though I am perfectly aware I am just dreaming. They say ignorance is bliss, yet ignorance leads to fear (of death) which leads to suffering (hurting the self through hurting the other). Wisdom lies in becoming acquainted with death. Thus, fear is transformed to calmness. But to become acquainted with death - die without dying - one first has to let go of all fear. How does one let go? Well, before one can exhale, one first has to inhale, right? Thus, carelessly - and without any conscious effort - your body makes a deep inhalation for you; and slowly, but surely you start suckling, contracting more and more; then holding on tensely while desperately trying to empty the wine bottle of life as you silently run away from the truth (yourself, death). Eventually, all this just leads to more and more fear and tension. As your ego grows and builds, the more the truth will haunt you in the back of your mind, slowly but steadily getting closer and closer: as if you were in the foreground of a silent film running away in agony from a gigantic tidal wave in the background. In the end, you will burst, explode and dive straight down to hell, where your soul will burn, kick and scream while it is getting purified, healed and cleansed in the purgatory. You are finally letting go. Dying. Exhaling all the fear, anger and shame; saying no to your ego (selfishness), saying yes to your soul (selflessness). Complete ego death. Transcendence By the end of this terrifying exhalation, you now hold your breath very cautiously, before deciding what to do next. After a brief moment of eternity, you decide you have no choice but to inhale again, this time, hopefully having learned the lesson, deciding to breathe with conscious effort, deliberate care and intentional soul-love (instead of repeating the wandering around drunk and asleep in ego) - - dreaming once again, but now lucidly, acknowledging your potential for devilry (ego), and seeing that what you once thought was hell (death) is actually Heaven (Life with big L). And instead of letting your soul adulterate by becoming drunk on the never-satiating pleasures of life, you helplessly choose to become drunk on the mind-bending, magical nature of reality: an eternal, unbounded, enigmatic dream emanating from the Fountain of Infinity, formlessly ever-changing shape while constantly spattering fathomless drops of dreamed-up worlds into a bottomless ocean of Cosmic Consciousness. When you become so empty on the inside that everything around 'you' becomes fuller than full; when you let go trying to force things and needing to change every moment, having your will all the time; when you stop getting in your own way and let your deep, mystical, wise intuition guide you with ungrounded faith, always being in a state of flow; when you start listening, seeing, and feeling, holding space instead of taking space; when you look a stranger deeply in the eyes without any judgment, just smiling and communicating to him that he's accepted as he is, forgiven, understood and not alone; -- that is Love, that is God seeing Herself, looking at Himself... through you. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0243017/

You never cease to exist. Once you awaken you understand that nirvana is always the case. That is the nature of reality. Bliss, absolute. The incarnation in which you realize this fully is called The Ascending Lifetime. In such a lifetime, you gain lordship over all systems of existence and express free will with accordance to The Divine Law. Once there, you decide how long you'd like to live with the physical body which is in your possession at that moment. Over 120 years is a possibility. Great wisdom is within your grasp and higher states and levels of consciousness become open to you. You may enter an initiation of a certain lineage, guide others to nirvana, study with ascended masters or walk the earth and simply bask in bliss. You may do this as long as you wish. When an intent is set to continue on The Path, the universe contrives to bring you the people and experiences you desire most in order for you to experience The Self further. Greg

You're only saying that because you're afraid it would end at some point. If it will, keep training your mind and elevating your quality of consciousness until it happens again, now for an extended period. Keep walking the path until you merge with this bliss and be in constant communion with it. The intensity will be lesser but continuous. Good luck Greg

I promise you, there is a new start for you. Your life could be a mess atm, but you get over that, you fix those issues with yourself, you conquer, that's what we do, when we're challenged by life! We don't give up, we prevail! Sometimes stuff feels so personal and it hurts so much that it feels like there is no joy anymore, that the current cloud of shit has filled the sky for good. But that's not the case, there is always a new peak of joy, happiness, bliss and love in front of us, and those things are waiting for you, until you fix the mess. Life has so much more for you. Suicide doesn't fix anything. That's good. Keep talking to your therapist and he will guide you through. You clearly have work to do, but man the feeling after you've conquered those deficiencies and start seeing light, it feels AWESOME!