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92. Why Am I Depressed? Bottom line: Because your psychology sucks. 1. Clinical depression. Legitimate physiological conditions. (Minority) 2. In a bad psychological state. Not taking responsibility for your personal development. (Majority) Your happiness level is only about 50% genetics. (Book: The How Of Happiness) Stop being a victim and take ownership of your own psychology. The software is more important than the hardware. You are too identified with yourself. Too self-absorbed. Too egotistical. Your depression is contributing to that false sense of who you are. Also, have a negative self-image. Like that something is inherently wrong with you. These are mostly operating on you on a subconscious level. Writing them out might help. Realizing that all this past history is bullshit. Let it go. Meditation will help. It'll get you in touch with genuine happiness. The natural state of a human being is bliss and happiness. Without external stimulation. This will prove to you that your depression is self-created. Other things feeding into your depression: - Not living in integrity with your values - Being inauthentic and fake with other people, and with yourself (not honoring what you're actually feeling) Solutions: - Introspection. Developing an understanding of you're creating your depression. - Meditation. At least 20 minutes. - Exercise. Studies show that it is equally effective as anti-depressants. - Do the little things you know you need to be doing. Eat healthily, wake up on time, get to work on time, etc. - Life purpose. You need a strong sense of purpose. To know what you're committed to creating in your life. When your life is about serving others and not just about you. - Serious meditation and contemplation work. Research the ideas of ego, subconscious mind, and enlightenment.

Holism & Holistic Thinking - Part 1 "When we try to pick out anything by itself we find it hitched to everything else in the Universe." --John Muir What is holism? "The theory that parts of a whole are in intimate interconnection, such that they cannot exist independently of the whole, or cannot be understood without reference to the whole, which is thus regarded as greater than the sum of its parts." --Oxford Dictionary Key: Irreducibility. What really matters is the relationships between the objects and not the objects themselves. Holism is the opposite of reductionism or atomism. (Treating nature as just a collection of discrete individual objects.) Reductionism is an implicit part of the materialistic paradigm. (The idea that the universe is real, material, objective, external, and doesn't depend upon the mind. Boiling everything down to something like atoms, so to understand a frog we take it out of its territory and study its blended-up parts under a microscope.) This is not how to understand reality, because so much is missed, this unholistic way of thinking leads to many dysfunctions and pathologies. If you believe you can, it's an implicit part of your epistemology and metaphysics you're sneaking in without validation or proof. Episode: Deconstructing The Myth Of Science - Part 1, 2, 3 The frog will behave differently in the lab than in its natural habitat. Scientists underestimate the entanglement problem between the scientist and what is being studied. Your understanding of what the frog is really is in your mind and not existing out there. There are different gradations of science. Lower and higher quality science. It's easier and cheaper to study a frog in a lab compared to going to its territory. School, academia, science, business, healthcare, government all have a bias towards analysis and division. Your mind can be very divisive or it can be used in a more unitive fashion, synthesizing and unifying things. This is deemphasized in our institutions. Often we're using analysis to achieve a certain survival result. This leads to a lot of narrow specialists in the world with lots of technical expertise. High technical expertise but very little wisdom. One of the features of wisdom is that it's holistic. Key lesson: Start to see how important holism is and how little it is stressed in most institutions and areas within society. Why is holism so important? Examples: Pharmaceutical companies thinking unholistically while trying to find medicines for curing one disease and not paying attention to all the possible side effects on the body and mind because the CEO says it's all about driving up the stock prices of the company and that it's not his concern but the therapists. Compartmentalizing the problem, treating it as though it's not your problem. Also, the way we market and push the drug so hard through TV ads so that people who don't even need the drug end up getting prescribed it, get addicted, depressed, and shoots up the school of the daughter of the CEO. In a sense, everything is your problem. Holistic thinking requires much more taking much more responsibility for all of your actions and all of the secondary and tertiary consequences. Disney buying Star Wars from Lukas just to make money from it and no nice overarching vision or conclusions. Why? Because they didn't have a holistic approach to this problem. The visionary brings to a project this overarching holistic sense of direction, of what they're doing, of vision. Notice how various forms of entertainment have fallen prey to this. The people who take over reducing the whole thing down by slapping some things together and hoping it will just work out. By reducing Star Wars like that you're reducing something that's greater than the sum of its parts. Chess. In a sense chess is a battle for the most holistic understanding and intuition. The most beautiful chess games are those where some great sacrifice is made to come back later for the win. People who are unholistic paint themselves into a corner easily. In chess it's called a fool's mate, you think you're going to win, but it was just a lure and you lacked the holistic understanding. Master equations that explain all of life: (34:55) Contemplate these two for years, it'll keep paying off. Holism = wholeness = health = healing = Unity = Oneness = infinity = harmony, balance = Goodness = Love = God = Selflessness = wisdom = Beauty = holy = heaven = bliss = peace = happiness Lack of holism = division = fragmentation = partiality = brokenness = lack of harmony, imbalance = limitation = finite = selfishness = ugly = evil = hell = suffering Consciousness can have various levels of holism to it. From infinitely unholistic, fragmented, and divided to infinitely unified and everything in between. And depending on where you are on this scale is going to be the quality of your life and how beautiful and holy life seems to you as an individual. Collectively, as a species, the more unified we are, the more holistic we are the more beautiful our societies will be. The more beautiful our cities will be, the less war we'll have, the more peace we'll have. Peace through unification. "Unification needs to happen at all holons, higher and higher, until we reach an infinite unity. This is what human history has been about for the last 10.000 years." First as tribes, then as city-states, then as nations, now we're starting to unify as the globe, which is meeting a lot of resistance. "The reality is that anything short of infinite unity is going to lead to suffering, ugliness, and limitation. The whole point of spiritual work is to let go of all your partialities, all of your divisions, which means becoming more selfless, the most difficult thing to do, and when you become completely selfless then you realize that you're God. (Infinitely selfless consciousness) And the reason you don't realize you're God right now is because you're in a divided, highly fragmented, highly partial sense of consciousness. You think you're a little human, that's separate from the universe, humans, animals, planets, and solar systems. ...This is how to heal the world and how to heal yourself." Your ego is not fully unified, it's fragmented. One day you're all gung ho about meditating, self-actualizing, eating healthy, and going to the gym. The next day you're lazy, you don't go to the gym, and eat a bucket of ice cream, and don't want to self-actualize. (Ego-backlash) "Harmonize the situation instead of shaming and guilting yourself, further fragmenting." How do you fix this? With love. Love is that which can understand, and recognize and accept, integrate through acceptance, through a higher understanding. How To Forgive Anyone Who Hurt You (56:20) The essence of shadow work: "Recognizing parts of reality that you've disowned by expanding your consciousness, a more holistic understanding of that situation, and then incorporating it, integrating it, loving it, accepting it, unifying it until there's no shadow." God is that which has no shadow because it's infinitely conscious of itself. No more warring with yourself and warring with others. You recognize it's the same thing. The higher your consciousness goes, the more unity you experience, the more blissful your life will be, the more loving you will be with others in your life and with yourself, the more you will accept yourself the happier you will be. And if you take this far enough your consciousness becomes infinitely unified you will experience heaven, paradise. What is hell? The absence of love. "Unholistic thinking creates duality and division, that's the problem." Examples: "Facts don't care about your feelings." -Ben Shapiro Your facts are very much influenced by your feelings. It's like severing your head from your heart. A lot of who you are is in your body, not just in your head. A lot of emotions and trauma are carried in the body. It's usually your emotions and wounds that drive you deeply subconsciously. And then you don't take care of those issues in your body, it creates pathology. It's part of the materialistic paradigm and our education system. Techniques: Yogic practices, Shamanic Breathing, Bioenergetics. Popular duality in politics is "the globalist elite vs the ordinary little people". There's not that much difference psychologically between elites and regular folk. Most elites are more educated, have more consciousness, and are more developed and loving people than regular folk. There are definitely deep corruptions within the elites themselves. But no matter how much corruption you see in the elites, the corruption in the lower classes is way worse than in the elites. That's the key mistake that many Trumpists, and supporters of Trump and right-wing populism make. This is analogous to the problem that happened with Hitler. His whole spiel was that we wanted to take over Germany from the globalist elites on behalf of the regular folk, that was his whole appeal. Trump is better than Hitler, but there are deep analogies. And there's a lot of foolishness to go around on both sides the right-wing and the left-wing. Criminals vs the good guys, the upstanding. Demonizing and hating criminals and not treating them humanely creates a shadow. This increases recidivism rates and makes them become more criminal, especially in the US- In Scandinavian Nordic countries they get much better results. Much more humane prison systems. Rehabilitation rather than punishment. To want to rehabilitate them you have to see the criminal as not separate from you. If we're holistic and even-minded in the way we see things most of us are criminals in one way or another. The criminal elements of society are literally just parts of your own psyche as God. Duality between science and spirituality. In our universities, anything spiritual is seen as anti-scientific and it's really not allowed within them. Treated as a joke, unscientific, lack of rigor, lack of truthfulness. And conversely, in many spiritual circles rationality, thinking, and testing own theories is ignored. Both camps suffer for that. For science to fully flourish and to really understand reality at the deepest level it needs spiritual insight, from meditation, yoga, etc. It needs to consider deep metaphysical issues which are at the heart of science, which spirituality can shed a powerful light on. The mind-body problem can be resolved through spirituality but cannot be resolved through materialistic science. And spirituality needs a lot more science behind it. Through rigorous research into psychedelics, yoga, and meditation techniques. "Unholistic thinking creates conflict, fights, violence, war, racism, genocide, slavery, exploitation and even civilizational collapse can occur from this. Whereas holism interconnects everything and tells you what is important and what is meaningful in life." "One of the consequences of this materialistic, reductionistic attitude or paradigm that has been adopted by our culture in the West over the last hundred years especially, through the 20th century and still through today, is that it has tried to demystify nature too much. And in so doing it has stripped life of its meaning or its spirit." This makes you lose sight of the highest most important thing which is holism, unity, and love. Your spiritual connection to life, not just through your head, but also through your body, and through your emotional system, intuition, and your feminine side. We've had this schism between the masculine and the feminine. You're not a whole person this way." The essence of wisdom is that keen discernment and prioritizing the higher over the lower. The foolishness of our current society is that we've actually prioritized the lower over the higher. Technology, materialism, money, and pleasure and hedonism and raw data, and facts, and information above everything else. Example: You'll get dismissed going into a university saying that love is the most important thing to study. To do good science you actually have to be able to feel into reality with great sensitivity and mindfulness. The solution is not to go back to religion but to find the next level of synthesis and holism which start to integrate the best from religion and the best from science, a higher synthesis of those two. Without holism your life becomes petty, mechanical, utilitarian, demystified, and dysfunctional, you lose your connection to life, hence the epidemics of depression, suicide, and opioid addiction. When you rob people of their spiritual connection they just become zombies and robots and then they kill themselves if they're not able to get the sort of success they see people getting on TV. You literally feel disconnected and alienated from people, society, nature, animals, Spirit, Goodness, the Self, Love, and God. What you want most of all is you want to feel infinitely connected to everything. That's Love. "Everything we seek in any domain of life is wholeness and unity." In religion, we'll have to do the counterintuitive of being selfless and surrendering our attachments and beliefs in for example Christ as being the one true savior or Mohammed being the last prophet. To then create the true religion that loves all the other religions. That would heal the world at the plain of religion. In business, every business seeks to be a monopoly. To achieve a healthier unity within business we'd have to recognize that it's healthy for us to have business competition, and to have different sectors controlled by different companies and that we shouldn't be buying up and using various kinds of anti-trust method to collude and then to squeeze our competitors out of the marketplace. We want a healthy economy which has many different companies of different sizes, that creates more innovation, that will actually help to create a better economy for more people, better wages, more inventions and it'll benefit everybody this way. To do that you'd have to think more holistically. Every family seeks wholeness and unity which requires more holism. Science is trying to achieve unity and wholeness. Science wants to understand everything, a theory of everything, but it thinks that it can do that through the methods of science without realizing that it can't because science is not everything. It's self-defeating. Similarly, in Mathematics, mathematicians want to try to understand reality only as numbers. Without realizing that they're just projecting numbers onto reality. You can understand a lot about nature through math, it's been very effective, but it only gets you so far. Science deeply suffers from this, because current science and academia don't consider a thing true unless it can be quantified and put into an equation which is called formalization. This is extremely unholistic, reductionistic, myopic, and leaves out the most important aspects of reality. For example, you can't quantify Love and Infinity, which is what reality is. You can only quantify the finite not the infinite. Infinity is not a math thing, it's all of reality, of which math is just one subset. In Geopolitics people seek wholeness and unity. Less healthy way: Seeking unity by dominating other countries or by exterminating other countries and races and people. Healthy Geopolitics: Unity through peace, alliances, and mutual agreements. By respecting each other's boundaries and differences and we don't try to dominate everybody else, trying to create a global empire, and trying to put our own country above all the other countries. This is part of the pathology of the Trump policy of America first. It ends up boomeranging and creating the opposite effect. Americans are only one-tenth of the whole planet. The other nine-tenths will just organize themselves into a more selfless alliance that will ultimately be stronger than America which will then wither away. That's what America first would get you effectively if it would have continued for 50 more years. This is the short-sightedness of selfishness. Unity is sought in relationships. As well as in health. Language seeks unity. There's a unification force within currency as well. This is evolution and life. Unity and division in an infinite fractal all the way up and down the different levels of the holoarchy. Episodes: Division vs Unity & Understanding Duality 1, 2 & especially 3 Reductionism is easily exploited by devils. It's very easy to be selfish by deliberately limiting the scope of your holistic understanding to something very small and narrow. A classic strategy. Using our minds to carve up reality into tiny parts makes it easy for nobody to take responsibility for all the parts. This leads to pathologies in science creating a fractured view of nature. Spirituality expands that little circle of concern until it becomes infinite and then everything is your problem and responsibility. Many people vote on a single issue that they're been fearmongered about. (abortion, guns, etc) To have a well-functioning democracy we need citizens that are so holistic that they care about the well-being and health of the entire country and even the entire world. Immune against manipulation by devils on single narrow issues. A single issue is not as important as all the issues. This requires more empathy, an expanding circle of concern as well as becoming more selfless. The devil, any deeply selfish organism, creates a very narrow circle of concern within infinite consciousness and then defends that to death. Most humans create these gross externalities without being conscious of, taking responsibility for, the collateral damage they cause creating a toxic commons for everybody to swim in. Leadership is nothing other than selflessness, it's one of the most important factors. Bad leadership is extreme selfishness and narcissism a la Hitler or Trump. Self-bias privileges one part of the universe at the expense of another. Episode: Self-bias "Recognize that your mind carves up reality not arbitrarily and not in accordance with the truth but in whichever way serves your ego best. This is the antithesis of holism. The reason most people aren't holistic is simply because they're too selfish." Understanding recontextualization Another problem with lack of holism is that narrow expertise is vulnerable to recontextualization. A set of facts without its context doesn't mean very much and when you have an unholistic perspective on the universe whatever facts you have are always vulnerable to a radical recontextualization. Science grossly underestimates this problem. A robust and solid science needs to be immune to radical recontextualization. And then the only way to be immune is by expanding your context until it's infinite. This means your field has to be the entirety of the universe as a whole. The more big picture you have the less detail you have and the more detail you have the less big picture understanding. Like zooming in or out of the Earth. Holism is zooming out. The power of the ultimate holism is that you zoom out so far that you grasp the whole thing even though you don't understand all the details. In a sense that's omniscience. There are two ways to use your thoughts: to divide reality or unity reality. We in our education and culture are biased towards divisive type of thinking. Which kind of thought do you use most of the time? Which type of thinking leads to more peace and which leads to more conflict and war? Which one do you want? All thought is fundamentally dualistic and incomplete, even unitive thinking. You can't use the part to grasp the whole and yet still there are degrees of quality to thought, not all thought is equally good. Incrementally increase the quality of your thinking, making it more holistic, integrative, and unitive, without surrendering your ability to do analysis. And then eventually your holism gets so high that you recognize that even thought itself is too limited and too unholistic to transcend thought itself. The highest holism doesn't occur within thought it occurs within consciousness. The highest holism is infinite consciousness which is beyond thinking. But thinking is still important! The more holistic your understanding the better you can manipulate systems towards health and the highest good without them boomeranging on you. We can't create a healthy society without thinking and holistic understanding of the systems we're dealing with. Holistic thinking can foresee the counter-intuitive twists and turns that reality takes. Libertarians don't understand that their cry for absolute freedom boomerangs on itself. Freedom, as humans desire it, has to be delicately balanced and harmonized with restrictions and regulations to ensure that your freedom doesn't turn into enslavement. Complex problems require holistic solutions. Holism generates more robust solutions than otherwise. Why is the highest intelligence holistic? Intelligence can be thought of as holistic pattern recognition leading to insight. It's intuition, the ability to interconnect dots and to see the whole picture of a situation. Inherent features of the highest intelligence: Ability to deeply see the context. Ability to go meta and to transcend. Ability to self-reflect. Ability to take on multiple perspectives and higher perspectives. Ability to be unbiased and selfless. Equal concern for all levels of the holarchy. As you contemplate for yourself what intelligence is and as you're experiencing higher levels of intelligence contemplate: "Why are these things the case & why are they important to the highest intelligence"? Psychedelics are awesome because they change the neurotransmitters, upgrade them, to ones that offer more interconnections. Interconnecting together more of your mind. To the point where ultimately the interconnections become infinitely dense. Every corner of the universe interconnects with itself infinitely such that this circle becomes a completely solid, glowing, white orb of pure interconnectedness. = God = Love = Intelligence = Beauty = Infinity = Eternity = the Self, your true highest Self. At this level of interconnectedness and holism the boundaries and physical divisions of everything in the universe collapse. All is equally you without any bias or partiality or favoritism. That's the godhead, infinite consciousness, complete awakening to yourself as God. And this complete interconnectedness goes on forever, it's an infinite well of Love that you keep falling deeper and deeper into and it becomes more and more interconnected forever. Why is holism so rare? Costs to holism: You can't break holism down into bite-sized chunks very easily, it requires putting a lot of pieces together and holding them in your mind at once. Actualized episodes are long because they're trying to bring them all together. This is mentally overwhelming. As a devil, you make life easier by not taking responsibility. It requires selflessness. As a selfish needy person, it's hard to be concerned about anything very far beyond yourself. Holism requires a transcendence of one's survival, one's biases. Because at the highest holism you are completely unbiased, consciousness is completely unbiased. No difference between you getting raped, tortured, or getting a birthday cake. Understandably very threatening to the ego. Holism requires surrendering yourself until ultimately you surrender yourself so deeply that there's nothing left to surrender. That would be going all the way. But even increasing your holism still requires surrendering something. This would be the selfless life, surrendering everything else important in your life, the money, sex, drugs, business, career, house, and children. The only thing that matters to you being to be completely unbiased in how you see yourself. That would be true selflessness and it would lead to the ultimate Love. The reason you can't love everybody and everything is that you're so partial, always judging everything good or bad because your self needs to survive as that little thing that it is. "And as you surrender more of yourself, the distortions that obscure your vision of yourself and reality, fall away, the fog clears, the clouds clear, and what you see is you approach closer and closer to Truth. And at that moment when you completely surrender every single bias you have and every single personal preference for good and evil, and you completely surrender yourself, at that moment you die, and you become the truth. And Truth is complete selflessness, Love, God. That's God-realization. The cost is all of your selfishness." You don't select to be selfless because it's going to do something good for you, you select to be selfless because you want to be selfless and that is its own reward. That is the highest wisdom, to see that. It's the most counter-intuitive thing about the universe, the decision to become selfless. Because everything in your body and mind is screaming for you to become more selfish.

"Ignorance is bliss, but only for the ignorant. For the rest of us it's a right pain in the arse." - Ricky Gervais

Last night I became aware of another aspect of myself. "The Infinite". I get what your saying and even the whatever at the end. It's like somtimes you just gotta focus on your own bliss of knowing.

Ignorance is bliss.

@Zeroguy I'm not a fan of either of those. Make a channel talking about what it's like to experience tears of bliss/joy and how to open your heart and experience love. If you are an effective teacher people will watch. Who doesn't want love and bliss?

@preventingdiabetes yes it's the same for financial needs up to a point. But after that point it just feeds an addiction. Survival and enlightenment are not completely opposed to one another. From one perspective enlightenment is perfect happiness. It's unhealthy to think that enlightenment is the only meaningful thing in life. What makes enlightenment desirable is the same thing that made those burritos that i just ate desirable. It's both happiness. So instead of seeing burritos as opposed to enlightenment it should be seen as a window to enlightenment. Finding gratitude and pleasure in the simple things in life is a spiritual practice. There are however two legitimate reason why eating burritos could be unhealthy: 1. If you have cheese on them. Make simple healthy vegan ones instead, they are still delicious i promise. 2. If we eat burritos to distract us from an emotional wound, such as scarcity trauma. Then we become distracted from facing and healing that wound at it's core. There is still no shame in eating burritos to cope just know that the happiness you seek in burritos can be found in abundance in emotional healing. And emotional healing takes us closer to enlightenment. The road to God is paved with bliss. Same goes for finances. It's all good to fix your finances up to a point but if wealth becomes a crutch to not face a deeper emotional trauma. Then it's better to face the trauma. Transcending can happen in two ways: transcend and include or transcend and repress. Transcending and including means eating healthy, delicious food, having stable finances and doing chakra meditation/kundalini yoga/kriya yoga to melt you ego in comfort, pleasure, joy, love and bliss. Transcending and repressing means selling all your stuff, starve under a tree, dominate all your desires as you sit in meditation 20 hours a day as your body is falling apart. If you do option one with rigor I think it will actually get you to a lasting enlightenment faster than option 2. Buddhists have a hard time embodying and getting their enlightenment to stick. I think Leo teaches the latter option, which is too bad. Focus on emotional healing. The ego is made out of suffering. Lastly what I want to say is this: I became hungry from writing about the burritos I'm gonna go and devour another one have a nice day

I definitely understand not wanting to sell out to make money and get a bunch of delusional seekers to worship you lol. But don't you think if you could be a good/effective teacher then it would be worth it? Imagine... You could be such a good teacher that it would be like "Hey Rap snap your finger 4 times and breath in and out and boom you're enlightened and full of bliss"

Be free to move this to self actualization or even serious emotional problems, but I would really like an advice from an spirituality-enlightment work perspective, more than from a mental illness perspective. This morning I woke up with "terrible feeling thoughts". And for the 999th time, I believed them/thought I was them. But a big question out of desperation came up "What the fuuuuuck am going to do with this mind?". Kind of Eckhart Tolle sort of way before his Enlightment, Yup. But here it hasn't happened yet. And life it's just this weird theatre between bad feeling thoughts most of the time and little short "teases" of realizing my suffering is completely imaginary and created by thoughts. But those instances are like 0.01% of time. Meditation works but it lasts sooo little. I basically have to be doing it constantly to feel at peace from the mind. So I do know it's just the mind. I do know what causes me suffering it's just thoughts. I do know I am not my thoughts. I do know the thoughts are NOT the truth! Love is the truth. The present moment. Everything else it's just relative biased thoughts conditioned by my specific ego life and survival strategies. Totally relative. However I also must confess, I am not sure if due to late stress, I stumble In between ideas of being super motivated to accomplish everything I wanted in life (stage orange stuff + being optimistic about healing my mental illness) in between fantasizing about leaving everything and bliss myself the fuck out in a cave with no food until I completely heal myself in a hardcore way (Sadghuru type of awakening). Not to say that I am saying I would be able to do it. Just because ...hey, I would prefer doing that that killing myself. Just to give you context ,even though I feel I did tremendous progress in my last psychedelic trip, it's also true than the following day after tripping, I went to the kitchen and put a knife in my neck and tried to cut me in front of two people (a girl I shared flat with and I liked, and his boyfriend which came by the previous night) It was a theatre, ( because I deliveretely chose a knife that I knew didn't cut almost nothing when I could have taken the one who does cut well ) that I did to be "saved" by them because I felt hated/not loved by them (my best bet of what social anxiety/feelings of unworthiness are) and by doing that they would help me, because I knew if I did that in front of them suddenly the conversation would switch (they were talking in the kitchen) to Me and my Pain (not my neck pain Lol, but the pain of being feeling bad because of this unworthiness/self hate energy, which got intensely triggered when I heard them having sex for an hour last night when I was still under the lsd effects. So doing that "theatre" was a way of releasing it ). Yeah...That's probably insane but I must confess I did felt very fucking good about that situation weeks later. I felt kind of guilt for putting them in that uncomfotarble situation, but my My ego did felt the love it was craving by doing that dumb theatre. I just think that that's how nasty, unconventional and uncomfotarble some roads to healing get. Or at least that's what I want to believe. That I am going fine and I'm going "up" in life. But the boyfriend of this girl also adviced me that I should go back to my parents and start over. They didn't know the knife thing was a threate. I don't agree with him, that would be like starting again from scratch, that doesn't win me anything. Staying here though being independent almost guarantees me growth. Yet life seems so highly unstable at times. Yesterday I almost crushed my car. I got distracted because of being in this mental space of stress and kind of angry. So that's not good. Mmm don't know I'm honestly not sure where this is going. But I also can't quit right? ???‍♂️ I must keep playing the game..I just can't go back to my parents house and lock myself in the basement.to go play videogames. I just thought life was going to be.... A little.bit easier... when I got out of that "basement"some years ago wanting to become a full healed man. And of course...that's all a story because life is ain't that hard it's just my mind that keep creating imaginations and Fantasies with thoughts, and I keep believing myself to be them. Mind...could you step up to one side, and let me live for once? ?

Aloneness/Oneness is both beautiful, perfect, and also terrifying. Because God is all things. God is terror, shock, surprise, wonder, perfection...etc..it's EVERYTHING. It is also the ego!! Surprise!!.. it's OK for God to feel terrified the first time it realizes there is nothing outside of it! It IS it's own mother! And it IS it's own son! It IS everyone in this forum, and the forum itself!! And It IS evil! It IS torture, rape, war...to discover there is absolutely no separation between anything and itself, that it is One. Is shocking. But it's ALSO Absolute Bliss, Goodness and Love simultaneously!!!! Because it's EVERYTHING. This isn't ego or delusion. Notice it is YOUR bias that excludes terror about Oneness/Aloneness (notice alone = Al-One) that is actually ego not the other way around! The realization of Oneness is extremely profound and radical and if you haven't hit the floor in both Love/Bliss and terror, shock and awe than you probably ain't awake!

You said it yourself: cos We are Infinite. Ta-daaaa. If it was NOT possible to <'fuck up, feel pain, be bad, be selfish, be evil, suffer'> then, oh dear God, We wouldn't be Infinite & Eternal -- but We ARE! The lesson in this life is for you/me/us to fucking understand that We do NOT want all this unconscious, ignorant, selfish, evil devilry (being asleep) anymore because IT FUCKING HURTS in the end <3 I don't want to suffer anymore. I want peace, goodness, happiness, love, contentment and joy for every sentient being that I am in the whole universe. Consciousness. Being awake. Knowledge. Selflessness. Cosmic Consciousness. Oneness. Love. But it takes a lot of ignorant devilry, pain, fear, anger, shame, suffering ... and conscious effort to get there, because ignorant, unconscious, selfish devilry is also kind of exciting, right (?), and it seems like the essence of 'fun' to Us. But I'm fucking tired of it now. Seems like many children on the planet are starting to grow tired of egoistical behaviour. But you cannot fuck around with survival. You gotta satisfy the bottom 4 levels of Maslow's Pyramid of Needs before even being able to start acknowleding that you were programmed to survive and that you have followed this social conditioning your whole life, more or less. The most 'sneaky and intelligent way' for the 'ego' to perform devilry is to perform it without acknowleding it. We are all often acting primarily from a place of ego in so many small and big ways while simultaneously believing we are acting from a place of charity and integrity. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions". “Kindly let me help you or you will drown, said the monkey, putting the fish safely up a tree." The thing is though, try to imagine what it would be like if all that existed was 'obvious Heaven' -- omniscient, unselfish, blissfull beings just flying around in Paradise. No pain, no suffering, no devilry. Just pure Love, Joy, Happiness, Goodness, Contentment for You and Everyone. After an eternity of this, don't you think you would start to be fucking bored? Maybe You would want to imagine a chaotic dream where You *forgot* You were God, and where you didn't know shit about what would happen, since the world inside that dream would be filled with chaos, evil and death. Wouldn't that be exciting? I mean it's just a dream right; only it gets more exciting: because you willingly forgot it was just a dream! Wouldn't it be a fantastic dream if it was possible for You -- as 'an imaginary, internal, separate self' stuck in 'a chaotic, physical, external world' -- to get all this "anxious chaos & ignorant, selfish devilry" 'straightened out' to "calm order & conscious, selfless goodness & love" ? ... Just like when you take a deck of cards and shuffle them into disorder and chaos, and then shall try to bring them back into order and harmony. That's fun, that's exciting... Will the (imaginary) evil win? Or will Love win? Let's see! Let's play! Lila - Divine Play. It's all just God/Love though, remember? ;-) <3 Most people don't, which is exactly the point! Awakening/Spiritual Enlightenment is God allowing Himself to "wake up" through a small amount of dream-characthers inside His Dream. Hehe :-) <3 ;-) Love is Awareness is Boring is Ignorance is Exciting is Bliss is Fear is Suffering is Healing is Awareness is Love An infinite strange loop. The serpent eating its own tail. Meet Me "in the middle" of all these seemingly polar opposites: good - bad ... selfless - selfish ... love - hate ... excitement - boredom ... being - non-being ... peace - fear ... happiness - misery ... expression - depression ... harmony - chaos ... infinite - finite ... eternity - transient ... light - darkness ... consciousness - ignorance ... freedom - captivity ... invulnerability - helplessness ... perfection - imperfection ... control - impotence ... truth - falsehood ... courage - fear ... innonence - lust ... non-attachment - attachment ... humility - pride ... serenity - anger ... authenticity -- deceit ... play - seriousness ... life - death ... dream - real ... emptiness - form ... nothingness - nouns ... movement - stagnation ... one - many ... contentment - dissatisfaction ... enough - lacking ... heaven - hell ... profound - mundane ... music - silence ... beauty - ugliness ... now - past ... now - future ... equality - difference ... unique - common .... soul - ego ... awake - asleep ... forgiveness - judgment ... letting go - holding on ... encouragement - blame ... trust - reject ... absolute - limited .... imagination - dullness ... mystical - understandable ... mind - matter ... mental - physical ... thought - material ... idealism - materialism ... non-duality - duality ... spirituality - earthly ... magical - typical ... god - devil ... fate - coincidence ... free will - determined ... actual - theoretical ... experience - conceptual ... inner - outer ... groundless - grounded ... unlimited - limited ... unbounded - bounded ... freshness - old ... self-evident - paradoxical ... unity - opposites ... inexplicable - explainable ... purpose - accident ... meaning - nihilism ... growth - mistakes ... whole - deficient ... interconnected - disconnected ... gifted - cursed ... blessed - mortal ... creative - useless ... intelligent - simple-minded ... illusion - human ... transcendental - egoic finite mind ... nirvana - samsara ... play - survival ... balance - battle ... sincerity - game ... symmetry - confusion ... natural - artifical ... unforced - enforced ... liberated - ruled ... emancipated - dominated ... responsible - victim ... reflection - put-down ... self-governed - enslaved ... listening - disregarding ... open - closed ... redemption - being lost ... tolerated - blocked ... giving - losing ... ineffable - logical ... surrendering - resisting ... supportive - careless ... mutualism - antagonism ... reciprocity - hostility ... conciliation - alienation ... synergism - noncooperation ... warm - cold ... symbiosis - conflict ... tranquility - agitation ... neutrality - egoism ... magnanimity - vengeance ... self-sacrifice - egomania ... soft - hard ... sacrificing - self-indulgence ... charity - exploitation ... compassion - heartlessness ... artlessness - pretentiousness ... light - heavy ... candidness - deception ... divinity - atrociousness ... unwearied - tired ... overflowing - lifeless ... lively - inanimate ... vibrating - motionless ... energetic - stagnant ... wavy - straight ... concurrence - asynchrony ... linked - fragmented ... reciprocal - separate ... unified - divided ... whimsical - fixed ... alterable - established ... healing - suffering ... transformative - destructive ... laid-back .. expressive - depressive ... bold - shy ... calm - traumatized ... sobriety - addiction ... adventurous - scared ... audacious - fearful ... bravery - cowardice ... acceptance - denial ... innocent - ashamed ... forbearance - anger ... acknowledgement - contemptuous ... fertile - infertile ... admiration - condemnation ... significance - worthlessness ... gracefulness - crudeness ... fondness - loathing ... approve - blame ... respect - scorn ... integrity - hypocrisy ... appreciation - envy ... self-esteem - self-loathe ... humbleness - hubris ... mercy - coldheartedness ... kindliness - enmity ... let go - cling ... affinity - aversion ... passion - abomination ... concurrency - resistance ... concordance - discordance ... virtue - atrocity ... clarity - murkiness ... tenderness - harsh ... keenness - nonchalance ... awareness - apathy engaged - inert ... wide-awake - absent ... lucid - distracted ... mindful - abstracted ... meditative - overlooking ... focused - scattered ... contemplative - unreflective ... bright - dim ... pure - impure ... mesmerized - inattentive ... renew - remain ... embrace - bypass ... cheerful - melancholic ... optimistic - pessimistic ... celebrate - mourn... attend to - neglect ... deliverance - deadlock ... fulfill - fail ... fruitful - barren ... attainment - defeat ... wonder - expect ... question - answer ... curiosity - conformity ... amity - bitterness ... unassuming - arrogant ... observant - oblivious ... synchronicity - chance ... entanglement - loneliness ... indefinite - confined ... exploration - conclusion ... honesty - biased ... content - greedy ... silent - noisy ... Lila (Divine Play) - one-upmanship When the finite, egoic mind is fully dropped there is just seen to be: Goodness, Selflessness, Love, Excitement, Being, Peace, Happiness, Expression, Harmony, Infinity, Eternity, Light, Consciousness, Freedom, Perfection, Control, Truth, Courage, Innonence, Non-Attachment, Humility, Serenity, Authenticity, Play, Life, Dream, Emptiness, Nothingness, Movement, Oneness, Contentment, Enough, Heaven, Profound, Music, Beauty, Now, Equality, Uniqueness, Soul, Awake, Enlightened, Forgiveness, Letting Go, Faith, Encouragement, Trust, Absolute, Imagination, Mystery, Mind, Mental, Thought, Idealism, Non-Duality, Spirituality, Magic, God, Fate, Free Will, Actuality, Experience, Inner, Groundlessness, Unlimited, Unbounded, Freshness, Self-Evident, Unity, Inexplicability, Divine Purpose, Meaningful Growth, Whole, Interconnected, Gifted, Blessed, Creativity, Intelligence, Illusion, Transcendence, Nirvana, Play, Balance, Sincerity, Symmetry, Natural, Unforced, Liberated, Emancipated, Self-Responsible, Self-Love, Listening, Open, Universal Redemption, Divine Tolerance, Ever-Giving, Ineffable, Divine Surrender, Nurturing, Universal Support, Unleashed, Mutual, Reciprocal, Conciliation, Synergy, Warmth, Symbiosis, Tranquility, Neutrality, Magnanimity, Self-Sacrifice, Softness, Charity, Compassion, Artlessness, Light, Candid, Divinity, Unweariedness, Overflow, Aliveness, Vibrations, Energy, Waves, Concurrence, Linked, Unified, Whimsical, Alterable, Healed, Transformed, Laid-Back, Expressive, Boldness, Calmness, Sobriety, Adventure, Audacity, Bravery, Acceptance, Patience, Forbearance, Acknowledgement, Fertility, Admiration, Significance, Gracefulness, Fondness, Approval, Respect, Integrity, Appreciation, Self-Esteem, Humbleness, Mercy, Kindliness, Let-Go, Affinity, Passion, Universal Familiy, Divine Concurrency, Concordance, Virtue, Clarity, Tenderness, Keenness, Awareness, Engagement, Wide-Awake, Lucid, Mindful, Meditative, Focused, Contemplative, Bright, Pure, Mesmerizing, Renewal, Embracing, Cheerfully, Optimism, Celebration, Attending, Deliverance, Fulfilled, Fruitful, Divine Attainment, Wonder, Questioning, Curiosity, Amity, Unassuming Observant, Synchronicity, Universal Entaglement, Indefinite Exploration, Honesty, Content Silence, Lila (Divine Play). See: Love ya all.

Damn that was good bro! Well said! Being fully awake is truly beyond words. There are levels to awakening to God realization but once fully awake,one sees how they really are Everything. The walls and floors and streets become your skin just like the body and everyone is you,all the people and creatures and plants and air and water. Beyond words,the bliss of it all. You'll be smiling and crying at the same time it's so magnificent,so beautiful,so perfect ❤️

"Wonder is the beginning of wisdom - The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing - Death may be the greatest of all human blessings." - Socrates There seems to be only one truth we can all agree on: death. But what is death? "meow" says the cat. "death is the Day of Judgment" says the Abrahamic religions. "death is non-existence" says the atheist. "death is rebirth" says Buddhism. "death is unknowable" says the agnostic. "I don't know what death is" said Socrates. "I have never personally, directly experienced this 'death'-thing, so if I'm being totally honest with myself, I don't even know if death is real, just like I don't know if there are monsters under my bed while I'm sleeping. Heck, I can't even remember getting born, so maybe even believing that I was born on xx.yy.zzzz is equivalent to believing that the tree - that allegedly fell in the forest - made a sound of its own" says the open mind. "death is an illusion" said/says the mystics. Human life might just be God's way of trying to convince Himself that being awake (aware) is better than being asleep (ignorant)... Human life might just be The Universe's way of trying to convince Itself that non-existence is better than existence... But perhaps She should seek out a way to "merge the two"; as in to exist but in a dream. Lucidly dreaming, it still all feels real even though I am perfectly aware I am just dreaming. They say ignorance is bliss, yet ignorance leads to fear (of death) which leads to suffering (hurting the self through hurting the other). Wisdom lies in becoming acquainted with death. Thus, fear is transformed to calmness. But to become acquainted with death - die without dying - one first has to let go of all fear. How does one let go? Well, before one can exhale, one first has to inhale, right? Thus, carelessly - and without any conscious effort - your body makes a deep inhalation for you; and slowly, but surely you start suckling, contracting more and more; then holding on tensely while desperately trying to empty the wine bottle of life as you silently run away from the truth (yourself, death). Eventually, all this just leads to more and more fear and tension. As your ego grows and builds, the more the truth will haunt you in the back of your mind, slowly but steadily getting closer and closer: as if you were in the foreground of a silent film running away in agony from a gigantic tidal wave in the background. In the end, you will burst, explode and dive straight down to hell, where your soul will burn, kick and scream while it is getting purified, healed and cleansed in the purgatory. You are finally letting go. Dying. Exhaling all the fear, anger and shame; saying no to your ego (selfishness), saying yes to your soul (selflessness). Complete ego death. Transcendence By the end of this terrifying exhalation, you now hold your breath very cautiously, before deciding what to do next. After a brief moment of eternity, you decide you have no choice but to inhale again, this time, hopefully having learned the lesson, deciding to breathe with conscious effort, deliberate care and intentional soul-love (instead of repeating the wandering around drunk and asleep in ego) - - dreaming once again, but now lucidly, acknowledging your potential for devilry (ego), and seeing that what you once thought was hell (death) is actually Heaven (Life with big L). And instead of letting your soul adulterate by becoming drunk on the never-satiating pleasures of life, you helplessly choose to become drunk on the mind-bending, magical nature of reality: an eternal, unbounded, enigmatic dream emanating from the Fountain of Infinity, formlessly ever-changing shape while constantly spattering fathomless drops of dreamed-up worlds into a bottomless ocean of Cosmic Consciousness. When you become so empty on the inside that everything around 'you' becomes fuller than full; when you let go trying to force things and needing to change every moment, having your will all the time; when you stop getting in your own way and let your deep, mystical, wise intuition guide you with ungrounded faith, always being in a state of flow; when you start listening, seeing, and feeling, holding space instead of taking space; when you look a stranger deeply in the eyes without any judgment, just smiling and communicating to him that he's accepted as he is, forgiven, understood and not alone; -- that is Love, that is God seeing Herself, looking at Himself... through you. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0243017/

You never cease to exist. Once you awaken you understand that nirvana is always the case. That is the nature of reality. Bliss, absolute. The incarnation in which you realize this fully is called The Ascending Lifetime. In such a lifetime, you gain lordship over all systems of existence and express free will with accordance to The Divine Law. Once there, you decide how long you'd like to live with the physical body which is in your possession at that moment. Over 120 years is a possibility. Great wisdom is within your grasp and higher states and levels of consciousness become open to you. You may enter an initiation of a certain lineage, guide others to nirvana, study with ascended masters or walk the earth and simply bask in bliss. You may do this as long as you wish. When an intent is set to continue on The Path, the universe contrives to bring you the people and experiences you desire most in order for you to experience The Self further. Greg

You're only saying that because you're afraid it would end at some point. If it will, keep training your mind and elevating your quality of consciousness until it happens again, now for an extended period. Keep walking the path until you merge with this bliss and be in constant communion with it. The intensity will be lesser but continuous. Good luck Greg

I promise you, there is a new start for you. Your life could be a mess atm, but you get over that, you fix those issues with yourself, you conquer, that's what we do, when we're challenged by life! We don't give up, we prevail! Sometimes stuff feels so personal and it hurts so much that it feels like there is no joy anymore, that the current cloud of shit has filled the sky for good. But that's not the case, there is always a new peak of joy, happiness, bliss and love in front of us, and those things are waiting for you, until you fix the mess. Life has so much more for you. Suicide doesn't fix anything. That's good. Keep talking to your therapist and he will guide you through. You clearly have work to do, but man the feeling after you've conquered those deficiencies and start seeing light, it feels AWESOME!

@kinesin You would be very much surprised how hard is to heal and to do shadow work, it does not matter where u are at, because it is something that bypasses all that and triggers your core being. It is said that one master meditated alone in the Himalayas for decades, mastering all paths of yoga, tantra and meditation. In perfect bliss, he returned to the world and did the full circle as it is said. He went for dinner to his home, while eating his dad said something which triggered him, he then inmediately answered roughly, when the last word came out of his mouth, he attained supreme enlightenment.

@Swarnim Nice, good work. Try not to get (too much) hung up on bliss. Its a great thing and shows that you're doing the right work, but it can lead you to believe that "bliss" is the goal. And that ordinary everyday life is somehow "inferior" to this blissful state of consciousness. In Zen they warn about this and say: "The monk who has attained Satori goes to hell as straight as a flying arrow." So when you think you have "attained" the goal/enlightenment/bliss or whatever - therein lies the trap. Because it sets up a duality. So, you let the bliss come - and then you let it go.

If you are constantly trying to be in the bliss or trying to get back into bliss then that's a trap because it's the ego chasing feeling good. The way out of it is seeing it for what it is and let it go. I wouldn't worry about it though.

Why in the world feeling bliss would be a bad thing? THAT IS THE BIGGEST TRAP! How happines, joy and celebrating your life is trap? It is in fact the very essence of life. Get fucking lost in that bliss, get absorted, get lost, get so drunk u die in that bliss, feel so much ecstasy that u literraly explote in infinite orgasms which are increasing infinitely infinite in intensity and pleasure.

So I decided to finally meditate seriously on the deepest I could go. I got intoxicated by bliss seeing that there is no substance, nothing is happening to no one. I have no idea why but this is so.... fucking blissful. I am still feeling it. It started in the forehead, spread to whole head. Then I focused how the different feelings of my body were not happening to anyone as well and were made of nothing, and then my whole body felt that bliss. I feel so relaxed. Like damn. I sat for a good while. Then I focussed on how this bliss itself is happening to no one, and that intensified it 5X. What do you guys have to say on this? Like could I be falling in some sort of trap? The bliss feels like the universe is(I am) in a constant state of blooming outwards as a flower. It's better than an orgasm.

Haven't visited here in a while but felt the urge to. Feeling extremely rejuvenated, like there's just pixie dust all around me and I'm playing in it like how a kid plays in a sandpit. There's a very strong energetic pathway from the root chakra to close to my eyes and forehead, and the energy pathway is causing tears to swell up my eyes as I write this. I'm listening to a song that at this moment is reminding me of a breakup I had, all of the memories of what my life was like, what my worldview was, etc which is creating a huge flow of nostalgia. It represents to me a closing of a chapter, and an opening of another, which is what I'm going through right now. I've just, without a doubt, just fully realized a life purpose for myself which will provide me with the grounding needed to keep focused on maintaining and generating more bliss in my life moving forward. Its a gateway to insanely deep clarity, and the collapse of huge fragments of confusion, confusion which is the substrate for mental masturbation, more seeking, more ego, more dogma and more confusion. It took a while to find it, 6-7 years of very intense searching, yet its finally come to fruition now. The life purpose revolves around a deep satisfaction with progressing through life without the need to achieve anything. Achievement misdirects your karma to point towards focusing on illusory thoughts about things you have no evidence or idea about, like what will happen in the future, how you will feel in the future, etc, rather than the bliss in the now. And with fully letting go of the need to achieve or fully realize goals, allows you to work on things which have no benefit (or at least immediate benefit) in the future, yet a things which have deep resonance with the bliss of the now. For me this will be embarking on a journey of learning about, embodying energy work, trauma work and psychedelics with the core focus of healing as deeply as possible. Traversing so deeply that the point will not be healing others, or making the world a better place, but to simply explore, learning and travel as deeply as possible into the foundations, mechanics and techniques of energetic healing modalities simply for the sake of a love of mastering techniques and exploring the depths of consciousness, and sharing my perspective of view of those depths for those interested simply through the eminence of my character. Along with energetic healing modalities, traversing as deeply as possible in the area of mathematics, artificial intelligence, and any engineering disciplines very related to mathematics such as computer kernels will happen at the same time in parallel with the learning of energetic healing modalities, with the intention of merging them together, like yin and yang. Not strictly career related, but my life will also involve exposure to as many different diverse, strange, interesting, fascinating, amazing, challenging, amazing experiences as possible. With this purpose, I now have a grounded and stable goal and focus to achieve that I know for sure will make me blissful 24/7. @flume missed this message, thanks for the compliment, loved it!

@Leo Gura You definitely seem like an abnormality and outlier Leo - 5-6 times throughout the course of a day (3 times tops in one sitting) as a teenager was my max. It actually starts hurting physically (especially in the balls because they've been so thoroughly drained out). Not to mention psychologically the desire usually wears off substantially after the first release & very strongly after the 2nd/3rd. The rates you're talking about are patently absurd and I hate to say it, borderline sad & concerning (no hate to teenage leo :P) Also if you haven't tested out nofap / semen retention properly, you simply cannot judge it. Don't give me a personal excuse/reason and try to pass it off as if it universally applies to all people... 'but it's unhealthy...' 'but it's a waste of my time...' 'i've got bigger fish to fry...' 'you think I'd sexually repress myself in that way...' Personal excuses and/or reasons that relate to you may not apply to everyone else - that's my point. I will say this, a proper test is not going to kill you and semen retention itself has been widely practiced outside of NoFap circles for thousands of years - and I am assuming you of course know this. And thus, I assume you also know of many purported physical, emotional, & spiritual benefits that at least SOME people positively attest to who practice it, however long and however sporadically. I have done multiple such streaks and noticed an almost superhuman energy / electricity / masculinity / drive begin building up within & surging out of me. It feels so incredible, almost like you are coasting off an artificial high. The energy literally feels so charged up within you, it feels like it's bursting and radiating out of every cell of your body - making you feel full of unstoppable life force energy and almost uncontrollably elevating you into states of unity consciousness/bliss/love. Often on those peak days, I think to myself how I would trade in regular daily faps/orgasms to experience this. It's that powerful and incredible for me. And I won't even bore you with all the other so-called semen retention superpowers people report, but I've experienced them all too - especially the female attention ;P I'd genuinely be fascinated to see you go on a decent streak semen retention streak for 30-60 days and I think you will be pleasantly surprised by just how positive/powerful its affects can be. I think it will have some extraordinary positive affects on you - as you have accessed superhuman states of consciousness and are generally more sensitive to most substances than most average humans (be it 5-meo or maca). Of course, I understand your POV and could see how disruptive it could be as well to your work and life in general - thus making it not worth it. Anyway, I can also attest the my sex drive is much lower than yours & I am a healthy, vital, muscular, attractive male in his mid 20s. I don't feel a daily desire to release - it comes in waves every 3-4 days and I know plenty of guys who this is also the case for. I do indeed know men who's sexual drive manifests in a daily release, but anywhere in this ballpark I feel is normal. So once again, consider you are may be more of the outlier here.

As per Hindu wisdom they say this: Self-Control (Shamam), Self-Investigation (vichara), happiness/joy/Bliss (Shanta) and company of liberated beings (Satsanga). Shanta is the supreme fullfilment all beings desire, satsanga the best fellow travelers, vichara the best tool and Shamam the biggest source of happiness. I find it to be a very accurate description, it's the summary of hundred of thousands of people searching for Supreme Liberation, this is what they found most useful in their journey.

Isn't fear a basic human/animal emotion? It seems like a great incentive to take action. The ego would be the resistance to or grasp of feelings. It grasps that which feels good and resists that which feel bad. Resisting/avoiding fear and grasping/seeking bliss as an example.