Search the Community

I think that love is something very normal, is what you are, what reality is, but it's veiled by the self. The self is the bias, the survival machine. If you can remove the bias for a while you realize what you are, it's just openenss. If you are not used to it you do 5meo and you get crazy of love, but if you realize it often it's not no crazy. About Osho...who knows, it's very difficult to judge people, but I have the feeling that Osho is narcissist and shallow, and it's impossible that a shallow narcissist is opened to the real thing. But maybe I'm totally wrong, there are many angles to see a person . Could you imagine Osho being humble in real suffering? Life is not just a game to enjoy and have nice feelings, it has another face either. I think that Osho committed suicide when the things became ugly. They said mashamadi, but I'd say morphine

Sucide hotline: "What happened to you sir, anything can be worked out and your life put together again" "I was rugg pulled by the US president." Suicide hotline:

Something I think about sometimes is what keeps people going through adversity. And about maintaining a strong mindset. This past year has been the worst in my life, and I have been having regular suicidal thoughts. Sometimes it’s so bad I’ll have suicidal thoughts from the morning I wake up until I go to sleep pretty much. I have like two sides of me. One that has some strength to keep pushing forward, and another that is “weak” , has no strength and wants to end my life. I don’t even wanna call it weak, I see it more as a reasonable reaction to the circumstances I’m in which I won’t go into here because it’s too weird even for this forum. Maintaining a “strong” mindset is so hard and I feel it doesn’t last long until it crumbles. What I mean by a strong mindset is a mindset that makes you persevere through adversity. The opposite would be a mindset that wants to end your life instead of persevering through the adversity. I manage to maintain this “strong” mindset for a little while, then it always crumbles and I’m back in suicidal thinking. And so it goes, oscillating between the two. I have wondered to myself what keeps other people going through adversity instead of ending it or at least thinking of ending it. I hear of cases worse than what I’m currently in wondering how those people keep going while I can barely stand my own situation right now. I have some theories. 1. Attachments. I feel peoples attachments could keep them going. For example being attached to their own family, and not wanting them to suffer if they die. This is something I lack, I’m not attached to anyone so no person is a reason for me to keep going. 2. Other attachments. I wonder if people have a kind of attachment to life itself. Or to themselves. They are attached to living, to being a person that is a part of the world, being a part of society. They have a “life” in the conventional sense, having friends, hobbies, partners, interests and they are attached to experiencing these things. 3. Good mental health. When people are dealing with physical pain but have good mental health then their good mental health is like a good foundation they stand on and the physical pain is something that bothers this good foundation but not enough so it crumbles and as long as they are able to maintain good mental health it’s a good enough foundation that gives them a reason to keep living. 4. Having a reason to go through the pain. Sometimes great pain comes from something great. So for example if a woman is giving birth and is in great pain, her reason for keeping going is that she will have a wonderful baby out of it. Also if someone has had a surgery and are in great pain their reason is that they are in the healing process. 5. Attachment to self image. Im going to use David Goggins as an example here. He has this desire to be “the baddest motherfucker” that is a self image he desires to have, and having this self image entails he preserves through adversity and in his extreme case ever PUTS HIMSELF through adversity (the extreme training) . So he needs to do those things to maintain this self image he has created for himself that he is attached to. He is even afraid of not achieving this greatness, of being old and not having reached his full potential. His case is extreme, but I’ve seen some cases of people having this self image of being “tough” and being attached to this image so this keeping them persevering through adversity. I don’t have this as I don’t have a desire to be “tough”. 6. Knowing it’s temporary. This one is a bit difficult for me to swallow. Some things for me are too unbearable to go through even if they are only temporary. So I’m having a hard time seeing how someone could have this as a reason to keep persevering. Because when something is horrible time slows down and it feels like forever. That is a very strong mindset to have, this mindset of it only being temporary. In my case I feel the only reason I’m alive today is that my situation hasn’t become “bad enough”. I don’t have a reason to live, there is nothing that I love, there’s no self image I’m attached to , nor a person, or other things. I don’t know if I would wanna switch places with someone with a “stronger” mindset, or who has attachments, because I hear about these horrible things people go through and I know myself enough to know I would much rather die than go through that. For example there’s this disease called trigeminal neuralgia which causes horrific pain regularly. Many people with that disease commit suicide apparently, and I know myself enough to know I’d be one of them. I don’t really understand those who persevere through that, but I can imagine that some of the reasons I highlighted above could explain it a little. Hope you enjoyed reading. Thanks

disclaimer: OK..I've started a thread about suicide yesterday but it got locked because some mod thought it might be dangerous to say this to people here who might be having trouble living in the world . So please understand I'm not advocating suicide or urging anyone to commit suicide. This is just my thoughts on the subject . So I said In that post : the idea that i could be trapped or forced in a situation against my will with no way out is one of the more truly horrifying things that i try not to think about. certainly the ability to "will myself dead" with no way for anyone else to stop it, would give me a certain comfort. I'm a proponent of the right to death idea. I have an agreement with myself if I become terminally ill I would exit on my own terms. You gotta really think why is death and suicide considered bad or wrong ? It's only because of social brainwashing . Life is not always better than death . Sometimes the suffering can be really intolerable. I've actually made peace with the idea of suicide and that's the only reason I no longer fear death .

If there are no hostages to “rescue” even less will report. Recently one soldier committed suicide after being called in to go back. What is planned is probably another “mowing the grass” operation which would be smaller like in 2014 or 2008. But in a few years time, and there is no telling what happens by then.

I bring that up? When someone tells you for 5 years now as I earlier recall, that you enslave others, you are the sole reason why there is suffering on earth, you create junk and pollute the planet, that you are the devil and so on. Now tell me, what other solution can those teachings lead to? Leo never encouraged anybody to do self harm or suicide, on the contrary, he always told us to not do that. But his teachings have always left me with an after taste in my mouth of killing myself. He made me realize that I am indeed the devil and I thank him for that, but you have to draw the line somewhere! To me he crossed the line when he said that having a pet is slavery for the pet. With that statement, he made me feel like I should stop breathing also! Because I am also enslaving the oxygen to make my body function... I honestly love him for everything he thought us but sometimes he is downright making me jump off a cliff. STOP THAT. At least if he was right, but in that case he is dead wrong.

Probably because the average person has an average psychology and circumstances so it isn’t so bad for them to consider suicide. And they’re attached to their average life so bad times are like passing clouds that dont shake that solid foundation and if it does it’s only temporary. I don’t think the average person is particularly “strong” so it’s a bit mysterious to me if they don’t consider suicide when things get really bad but I’m guessing it’s that attachment to their “life”(everything that is considered in having a “life) that’s one of the reasons. And having problems that have solutions. Also there’s a big difference between just having suicidal thoughts and vs going the length of actually trying to kill yourself so I’ve had a lot of suicidal thoughts but I’ve never attempted Yea those things are usually what cause people to suffer Yea you covered the most basic things with your reply. I’d agree

Notice that you are the one bringing this suicide talk to actualized.org right now. Not the other way around. You are inventing this black & white moral interpretation that either the devilry, slavery & suffering ends or you kills yourself. Why?

That’s deep. In this case, valuing survival & fantasy over truth shouldn’t be judged as a moral failing of some sort. In a sense, Jail breaking the mind is a good thing only to those who desire it. Truth would indeed look like suicide from a POV that has no desire for it. Desire/bias very much drives our values, how we act on those values and how we judge our actions (actions of others).

The alternative is to do what? Kill myself so that I no longer inflict slavery towards other beings? Someone said sometime ago that Actualized.org teachings are suicidal. And I couldn't agree more. All this talk you guys do creates suicide as the only alternative to end all this devilry and slavery and suffering! Honestly, suicide is the only alternative if I'd follow your reasoning and bias. I die and I no longer kill a chicken to feed myself, I die so that I no longer provoke suffering towards other beings and so on. I'd suggest Leo, and everyone else on this forum to check yourselves before you speak. Raising animals ain't no slavery. The alternative is to starve to death. You have no clue of that because all you do is go to the supermarket when hungry.

@Bobby_2021 yeah lol long time .. and I just saw the full thing, there's just too much evidence to conclude that this is not suicide, likely a murder of some kind .. I think its def more than vibes although yeah the vibes suggest murder as well lol .. Its just so hard to believe a company like OpenAI would do that. It seems she has a lot more investigating to do, so maybe we'll get our answer soon.

Normal people don't think about killing themselves. If life sucks, it just sucks; suicide is not their solution or a path they ever see themselves taking. Real suicidal thoughts aren't as widespread as you think they are. You see it as a constant option, someone next to you has never considered it. If you're suicidal, you're probably missing some very foundational qualities of life, like 1. romantic and friendly relationships, 2. mental and physical health, and 3. a sense of direction and purpose, to say the least. Other reasons might include being stuck in a hole you or someone else put you in, like trauma, learned helplessness, and stress. Ultimately, you have to solve your issue head-on if possible. It doesn't help to give yourself some long-winded reason for what the cause of your depression is; you need to be specific. When I was majorly depressed about 5-6 years ago, it was because of a girl, and I didn't want to admit it to myself. I had a months-long feeling of sadness and an absence of desire for any activities, which is what depression is.

@Bobby_2021 what's up man, about to watch this .. you really think its a murder? What frustrates me sometimes is not being able to figure out what is true and what is false. I listened to 5 minutes so far, and the mother seems very well versed in these matters, and it definitely doesn't make sense about the suicide (no suicide note, super accomplished dude) .. but why in the world would Open AI have him taken out? Just doesn't seem convincing. Not sure

Haha that's good ,me too. I was thinking that maybe committing suicide is stupid. If karma has dealt you a bitter pill, swallow it. Reality is the whole package, we have to open our heart to everything, understand that it is part of the path, integrate it and place ourself on a higher level. It is possible.

I'm working on a compilation of fallacies, tactics, and phrases that leftists use to defend their ideology. Here are some patterns I have detected. *** #1 - The Iron Man Fallacy This isn't a formal fallacy. It's not a term used by academics. But it essentially means that one is distorting their own argument, or an ally's argument, to make it sound more reasonable than it actually is. Example #1: Brie Larson: "If you're a white male and you didn't like this movie, your opinion doesn't matter!" Critic: "That's both racist and sexist". Defender: "Brie Larson isn't being racist or sexist. She is expressing concern over the fact that in the movie industry, there is insufficient representation of females and ethnic minorities within movie critic communities. Not only that, she is explaining how white males aren't the target audience of this movie. Each movie has a specific target audience, that's how marketing works. It is perfectly expected that if you are a white male, you didn't enjoy that movie." Essentially, you can be an ass, as long as you're coming from a woke position, and someone will defend you and portray your argument as reasonable and fair. Example #2: Professor Flowers: "I literally want all whites to be deported from the places they invaded. The USA belongs to the natives, not to whites. Same with Africa." Critic: "That's very racist, toxic, and hateful". Defender: "Professor Flowers isn't racist. She's a black activist! She fights for equality of race. And she is criticising the issue of colonialism. To this very day, third world countries suffer from it. And ethnic minorities suffer in first world countries. A lot of the injustices are inherited, for instance descendents of slaves. To this day, there is a lot of racism and she is proposing a solution for the issue which involves separatism." Doesn't matter if you're white, poor, working at Mcdonald's. If you happen to have been born in USA, your entire family should be deported. You disgusting white! Example #3: Feminist scholar: "I literally hate men. I believe toxic masculinity is a trait universal to all men. I have studied Feminism for years and I know what I'm talking about. I literally believe that in order to be a true feminist, a woman should never have sex with men. And women should always look at society from the perspective that their are the oppressed and that all men are oppressors." Critic: "That's sexist, hateful, and very reductive. I don't think all men are toxic." Defender: "This person is an academic! What degrees do you have in Feminist studies? This person is highlighting the SYSTEMIC - not individual - oppression caused by men. She isn't saying that literally every individual man is evil. She's just pointing out the ways in which men benefit in society and women still have issues to be resolved. She isn't saying all men are toxic. She's saying that toxic masculinity is INHERENT to men. Only men have toxic masculinity, not women. You're misrepresenting that scholar's ideas." *** #2 - The Association Fallacy This is the notion that whatever some idea or argument is associated with is more important than the argument itself. Example #1: Critic: "I agree with Elon Musk that free speech is important and that anti hate speech laws are going too far." Leftist: "What? You agree with Elon Musk? The multi billionair egomaniac who is supporting Trump?" This one is obvious. Both the content and the structure of the argument are associated with the evil right. Example #2: Critic: "I went to a Jordan Peterson lecture in person last year. I enjoyed it. He gave some good life advice on how to gain self esteem and find meaning and satisfaction with the work you do." Leftist: "You like Jordan Peterson? The Alt Right guy? Don't tell me you're an incel or something". This one actually happened to me. And in case you're curious, Peterson spent 99% of the lecture talking about psychology and self help. He only spent like 2 or 3 minutes at the very end talking about the woke stuff. But of course, because Peterson is associated with Ben Shapiro, the right wing, and all that, it means he's Satan himself. And everything he does and says is evil and stupid and wrong. *** #3 - Applied Scientism™ Scientism is basically a misapplication and/or a reductive way to approach truth, as though only science and rigorous academic scientific methods are applicable to discover truth. Example #1: Critic: "I'm concerned about young men. I feel young men are feeling confused and frustrated nowadays. People in my social circle, my younger brother, young men online, I see a lot of young men experiencing depression and anger issues." Leftist: "What's your scientific peer reviewed literature on the topic? Your social circle? Pfft how unscientific of you. That's a very small sample. Do you want to look at these statistics I found from a Feminist book on why men in general have life a lot easier than women?" So it doesn't matter if there's evidence. It doesn't matter if you have lived experiences. Direct evidence. It doesn't matter if you have anecdotal evidence. It doesn't matter any kind of evidence. The only evidence that matters is peer reviewed, from Harvard, from the Sociology or Feminist department. If you give them evidence, but that comes from a psychology author who "isn't an expert in social psychology", then it's invalid. Because if you go against the narrative in any way, you need 100% quantifiable, peer reviewed, double blind experiments. Even if you give evidence (say, statistics on male suicide) it will always be nitpicked. "Oh you're applying a lot of interpretation from this data. You can't infer this from these statistics". So it doesn't matter, the excuses are endless. Meanwhile, if there's one single study that says trans women don't have advantage in women's sports, to them that's enough. One study on puberty blockers. One study on DEI. One study or one statistic for this thing they agree with, in that case it's not worth questioning it too much. *** This is going to be quite the long list. What about you? Do you have a favorite leftist fallacy or phrase?

Thanks Sorry youre going through that. But hey according to the Tao guy pain isn’t suffering so if we could just somehow stop suffering the pain😹 Suicidal thoughts are like a cope. I remember having at least once suicidal thoughts when younger but nothing serious . Now it’s more serious It can be weirdly comforting to think of suicide. But I try to maintain a strong mindset as I said and it works sometimes.

Sorry to hear that. Me too recently i have this chronic fatigue and chronic pain and caught a flu or something two weeks ago and since then the pain got much worse. And then suicidal thoughts just come up often. But for me the funny thing is that was always my go to. Whenever i suffer i think of death and not wanting to be here. Like when i was 9 some stuff in my family happened and this horrible kid bullied me at school and then i basically threatened the school with suicide already at 9. But so far it has never really come very close. I just want an exit strategy.

I am still young and working through my unique developmental deficiencies and human problems, and i am dedicated to going all the way spiritually. It is such a long process, because the foundation needs to be solid. I have been watching Leo for about 8 years. I found out about spirituality 10 years ago. I'm just getting started. Recently i've spent time with Ayahuasca people. They are so full of self deception it's crazy! If it were not for (mostly) Leo's videos i would've been sucked into cults, gotten into horrible relationships, would've gotten deep into debilitating addiction, or even suicide. As much as i love advanced metaphysics, practical videos are welcome and essential, imo.

I don’t feel like that for my situation. I think about suicide all the time. I don’t wanna live like this. I feel so weak

I'd probably rather get castrated, have my eyes gouged out, have my ears cut off or something than commit suicide. It would be a terrible disappointment, the ultimate humiliation. Once again in my software.

55: What keeps people going through adversity? Maintaining a strong mindset. Something I think about sometimes is what keeps people going through adversity. And about maintaining a strong mindset. This past year has been the worst in my life, and I have been having regular suicidal thoughts. Sometimes it’s so bad I’ll have suicidal thoughts from the morning I wake up until I go to sleep pretty much. I have like two sides of me. One that has some strength to keep pushing forward, and another that is “weak” , has no strength and wants to end my life. I don’t even wanna call it weak, I see it more as a reasonable reaction to the circumstances I’m in which I won’t go into here because it’s too weird even for this forum. Maintaining a “strong” mindset is so hard and I feel it doesn’t last long until it crumbles. What I mean by a strong mindset is a mindset that makes you persevere through adversity. The opposite would be a mindset that wants to end your life instead of persevering through the adversity. I manage to maintain this “strong” mindset for a little while, then it always crumbles and I’m back in suicidal thinking. And so it goes, oscillating between the two. I have wondered to myself what keeps other people going through adversity instead of ending it or at least thinking of ending it. I hear of cases worse than what I’m currently in wondering how those people keep going while I can barely stand my own situation right now. I have some theories. 1. Attachments. I feel peoples attachments could keep them going. For example being attached to their own family, and not wanting them to suffer if they die. This is something I lack, I’m not attached to anyone so no person is a reason for me to keep going. 2. Other attachments. I wonder if people have a kind of attachment to life itself. Or to themselves. They are attached to living, to being a person that is a part of the world, being a part of society. They have a “life” in the conventional sense, having friends, hobbies, partners, interests and they are attached to experiencing these things. I don’t really have this that much, because most of the time I’m severely disconnected from myself so it’s like I almost don’t exist at all. 3. Good mental health. When people are dealing with physical pain but have good mental health then their good mental health is like a good foundation they stand on and the physical pain is something that bothers this good foundation but not enough so it crumbles and as long as they are able to maintain good mental health it’s a good enough foundation that gives them a reason to keep living. I don’t really have this because of a reason I described before. 3. Having a reason to go through the pain. Sometimes great pain comes from something great. So for example if a woman is giving birth and is in great pain, her reason for keeping going is that she will have a wonderful baby out of it. Also if someone has had a surgery and are in great pain their reason is that they are in the healing process. 4. Attachment to self image. Im going to use David Goggins as an example here. He has this desire to be “the baddest motherfucker” that is a self image he desires to have, and having this self image entails he preserves through adversity and in his extreme case ever PUTS HIMSELF through adversity (the extreme training) . So he needs to do those things to maintain this self image he has created for himself that he is attached to. He is even afraid of not achieving this greatness, of being old and not having reached his full potential. His case is extreme, but I’ve seen some cases of people having this self image of being “tough” and being attached to this image so this keeping them persevering through adversity. I don’t have this as I don’t have a desire to be “tough”. 5. Knowing it’s temporary. This one is a bit difficult for me to swallow. Some things for me are to unbearable to go through even if they are only temporary. So I’m having a hard time seeing how someone could have this as a reason to keep persevering. Because when something is horrible time slows down and it feels like forever. That is a very strong mindset to have, this mindset of it only being temporary. In my case I feel the only reason I’m alive today is that my situation hasn’t become “bad enough”. I don’t have a reason to live, there is nothing that I love, there’s no self image I’m attached to , nor a person, or other things. I don’t know if I would wanna switch places with someone with a “stronger” mindset, or who has attachments, because I hear about these horrible things people go through and I know myself enough to know I would much rather die than go through that. For example there’s this disease called trigeminal neuralgia which causes horrific pain regularly. Many people with that disease commit suicide apparently, and I know myself enough to know I’d be one of them. I don’t really understand those who persevere through that, but I can imagine that some of the reason I highlighted above could explain it a little. Hope you enjoyed reading. Thanks

I relate to this. I’ve been suicidal for the past year. I feel too weak to handle my existence. Sometimes I try to brute force it with a strong mindset and it lasts for a little while but not for long until I slip back down and feel weak again. A strong mindset can only hold up for so long until it crumbles again . Sometimes it’s so bad I’ll spend all day researching suicide methods and have suicidal thoughts from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep and feel like my whole being has given up on life. There’s like two sides of me, one with a little strength left to push myself further, and one that has completely given up on life and succumbed to the bad circumstances I’m in. So I oscillate between the two. But it’s hard.

@NoSelfSelf So the thing about Go is, that the rules are kind of simple. Play: Each player takes turns placing stones on the intersections on the board. Black begins. Stones dont move, they only can be removed by capture. The player that has sourrounded the most territory wins. Capture: If a stone is sourrounded by stones of the opponent, it is captured. A group of same colored stones that is connected vertically or horizontally (but not diagonally) shares their liberties, so the whole group has to be sourrounded to be captured. Captured stones are removed from the board, they add points to the score of territory. Players cannot commit suicide by placing a stone in a way that it is immediately captured. Ko: No stone may be played so as to recreate a former board position. End: Two consecutive passes end the game. Territory is counted by the number of empty intersections sourrounded by same colored stones. The great thing about that simplicity is, that it allows for a really high complexity. Especially of you play on a 19 by 19 board, there are literally infinite possibilites for stone positions. This makes it impossible to develope a strategy by simply analyzing possibilities. Yet, in a way, each move makes all the other stones on the board change context, so its not at all random.

2 and a half days clean from thc Well the day has come and the girl I was seeing moved to Spain . I'm not so upset about that, mostly I'm upset because in the days leading up to it I got needy and pushed her away. But, and this is the magical God part, I finally manifested a wing literally the day I pushed her away. This guy is the perfect role model, he's a natural whose been with more women than he can remember. His rizz is simply off the charts and I see my progress skyrocketing with him. but we also talked about real shit, and he revealed to me some of his problems, multiple suicide attempts. And it put things in perspective and helped me to realize that having game isn't as important as I think. Which of course will only make my game that much better because I have proof it isn't a panacea.

https://i.imgflip.com/9fmcge.gif I felt some bit of anxiety and frustration today from last night. My problems accumulating like dust on an old book. I have a long way to go and a long way into my emotional processing. One thing is to surround myself with supportive people and it is sometimes a struggle to maintain company between my problems, work, husband and family conflicts. It's like I'm stumbling and juggling at the same time. Some things are a part of life. You can't suddenly just get rid of them. Example - family. A toxic family is a huge drain. My husband knows this and understands this quite well. Some things I write about metaphorically. Because I like to be cryptic. Sometimes it's hard to be on the Internet. It can drain you a bit. I'm not saying it's a distraction - depends highly on how you use it. But it can take a life of its own and I don't think I'm alone in this boat. Generally for me to take up any project or work requires me to have an initial explosion of emotional barfing till I get it all off my chest. It's just how my neurotic brain works. Welcome. Lol. The internet has been amazing for my self esteem because I was dying in the dumps just rotting away not knowing when I will commit suicide. So the internet was a huge boon in regards to keeping me 1 minute away from suicide. Life was hard on me especially after my father died. It threw me into a downward spiral of depression because I intensely bonded with my father. I still deal with the loss and trauma of it. I hate when psychologists and therapists don't take this aspect of my life into consideration and treat it lightly. Sometimes you gotta ponder and ask yourself what is it that you want - do you want genuine company or do you want just validation for your own ego? That kind of contemplation helps. Some people can be mildly toxic, especially people who gossip a lot. They might appear harmless on top, that is from the outside but they kinda prove to be the gateway to more drama, like can openers (I hope you understand what I meant), I mean they appear to be completely innocent but not so innocent after all. They just gently push you over the cliff and then act like nothing really happened. You then wonder that they acted like starters of dispute. Like signalers. Usually gossipmongers think they are a smartass and tend to do this. Two years ago I told myself that I will never gossip again ever in life. That part of my moral and subtle integrity is perfect and intact. I never gossiped. Gossiping happens a lot in spiritual communities, what a shame. In that regard I like this thread. It helped me understand that others face similar issues. I also like this comment. Hmm well said there, I experienced this a lot, ever since I had my first awakening, I would observe and feel intense attraction coming from women, probably because I was more celibate at the time and not generating any sort of sexual need or energy, and yet at times when there was a potential union or mate, most would flee soon after, almost as if they were afraid of something so deep and intense. They rather continue to play with boys who aren't going to expose a lot of their shadows and darkness. They want the truth but only to a certain extent. I noticed this in spiritual circles a lot, everyone wants the perfect Christ-like man, yet they themselves are not christ-like. I like this sentence a lot. And it resonates with my thought. A lot of people in spiritual circles act like they are above everyone when they are not so Christ-like. Men can have commitment related issues. And women can have intimacy related issues. I noticed this. Women don't wish to open up and go deep suddenly. And it's perfectly understandable why. I myself feared going intense or deep with men. I had intimacy issues too. Like intimacy-phobic. I am getting better and better at opening up to my husband. But it takes some effort and time. Sometimes I just feel uncertain and aversion to opening up. Last night I opened up a shit ton with my husband, like two hours of communication. I must have exhausted him with my talk. Because it was so overwhelming for me, I had to get it off my chest and I did. And he appreciated that. This is the first time I opened up to him in such a deep vulnerable way. I really wanted to say what I genuinely felt, no holds barred. I'm in the mood to write a lot. A note to Whitney — If you carry a lot of emotional, mental and psychological baggage, this forum can feel like a thunderbolt of confusion. I'll describe in depth the honeymoon and relationship phase. If you appear selfish in a conversation, it's never gonna work. If you don't care about people's expectations, why even bother to talk to them. I have trust issues myself. I find it difficult to trust people so I don't open up much to internet strangers. If you come from a place of humility everyone appreciates it. Work on social calibration. Men should. Also women screen for woman-friendly or woman - safe behavior. This is valid. A woman's prime focus in many areas of life is safety. It's a key survival concern. I agree with Leo on this that people's behaviors are rooted in survival. I don't like to go too far into something if I'm not sure what I want to say. I don't want to jump the gun. Also strangers create an uncertainty in me which is valid. In fact most people have stranger phobia. According to me and my dating experience, men should work on four core things — woman-friendliness, social calibration, distance, comfort-space dynamic [creating a comfort space as well as giving space or room, Teal Swan explains this beautifully with her male containment video. I'll post about it later because I'm in the process of writing this post so I can't exit the screen while doing this] I don't want to be a free therapist to anyone lol. In fact I'm the one who needs therapy the most. Understand healthy narcissism. I need to integrate that a bit. Emerald on the forum once told me that I lack masculinity and that I need to integrate the masculine into me. And she is right and I absolutely agree with her. I always bring my microscopic radar out. I think my husband overthinks a bit too. If I like someone and really appreciate them, I want to have a very honest relationship with them, like anyone male or female. I want to keep it as authentic as possible. I'm more vulnerable when I know deep down I can fully trust that person and they will honor my needs.. Often I have acted like a doormat in my life and I want to discontinue that pattern.