kbone

De-program the conditioned mind by questioning its every motive, even the one's that says it needs a practice or a method or a routine. Disclaimer: It may get a little maddening, likely very much so. It's OK.

Instead of 'non-rational', consider the potential for 'trans-rational'. What is expressed in the post is bound by the mind's logic/hope/desire/etc, though the spiritually incorrect aspect of it is commendable. It's not so much about all things 'good', 'moral', or 'spiritual', but about Truth.

Because the quest requires authenticity, and one begins to see how one has been inauthentic all one's life. When you see people playing the same tricks on themselves or acting unconsciously, it reminds you of certain aspects you may have or are in the process of transcending. There are lies the mind tells itself, and they are usually unconscious ones. 'Tis a strange thing, indeed. I do not know if that helps or not. Just throwing it out there.

If what you're saying is authentic, it is very auspicious and there are pointers that might be of help.

That's fine, and is what most people try. You will find temporary relief in the relative world of appearances (mind, philosophies, practices, seeking out and obtaining desires, etc), and maybe that will be enough for this lifetime. All good. You want "peace" from the daily panic attacks, just enough that you are comfortabe with the degree of their sincerity, perhaps. Existential suffering that is often spoke of will linger on in the background, subdued by the sense/illusion of control, but life generally (in what might be considered a circular fashion) will continue to provide opportunities to trascend the same repetitive boundaries/beliefs, and it will form a pattern in your life. Just stay aware, and when the time is right, you might remember this discussion and giggle a bit. What I was referring to is that you will never find the "control/answer" you're looking at the level of the problem; trasncending it and seeing it for what it is IS actually what you would want to attempt to do. That you think you deserve something (i.e, the ability to transcend the panic attacks/anxiety) that you don't already have is indicative of your mind playing tricks. The panic attacks are the outcomes of several unconscious beliefs, at the core of which is the belief in a separate self. Carry on.

@Nivsch Control is an illusion; awareness of what is happening in the mind is not. As Oneness becomes more conscious of the conditioned aspects of mind, many of the things one "wants to control" gradually fall away. The actual power ones seeks is in becoming more conscious. And let's be clear, most attempts at meditation and the like are about that seeking. Thus, it might be said, that after meditation has played out its role, simply doing more meditation might actually be seen as a desire to control which, again, is an illusion. Meditation is only meant to slow down the momentum of the conditioned reactions of the mind one seeks to control, to create space, and to make the mind more prone to realization, the true diamond that emerges acausally. The Peace that passeth all understanding.

Excellent synopsis of Ramana Forty Verses on Reality

@Moksha Exactamente. Peeps expect to be able to go back and get it again... when IT's right HERE, right NOW... even before the thought of IT. Just BE ... effortlessly.

@LostSoul It's normal. You had a woweezowee realization of having found something that you never lost. Perhaps there was some sense of accomplishment or spiritual ego that took over. Then, as you thought about it more, you started to think about what happened. You look back and try to emulate the "state of mind" experience, try to think about "how/why" it happened, try to get that clarity you felt, try to empty, etc etc. Now, you're having thoughts about having lost something that you "maybe" didn't find, but had previously realized you never lost. And believing them. Terribly confusing... when you think about it. Sound about right? Have you ever thought about where this whole story takes place when THAT (which YOU actually are) is / has been/ always will be HERE, prior to that whole shebang...? P.S.: Yes, it can be very annoying.... until Oneness gets it. Until then, the mind doth protest. P.P.S.: It's OK to lose your soul. It's an aspect of the process of getting it.

Essence of the Bhagavad Gita by Ramana Maharshi