Something Funny

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  1. @Nahm ok, thank you for explanation. I think I get it now
  2. But I still have them though. How do I get rid of them? That's interesting. I haven't thought about it that way. So you suggest me to do the same, right?
  3. Sorry, I've read your post twice, but I am still not sure that I've grasped it completely. Do you mind explaining it in a more straightforward way? Are you saying that the fact that I don't like a thought means that it's not true about me because me not liking it means that I am not aligned with it? So for example if I don't like the thought of me being insecure means that I am not really insecure, because that's not my true nature? Could you clarify who and what do you think I am jealous of?
  4. @bejapuskas I don't think this applies to me to be honest. I don't want to and don't fantasize about cheating on someone. I think I have a fear of being cheated and fetishize it in a strange way. Also, why does being free sometimes mean cheating for you?
  5. @bejapuskas depends on what you mean by trust. I guess you could say that my family doesn't trust me to be an adult and make adult decisions. For example I am commuting to work by bike and it's about an hour long ride. And my dad always asks me to text him that I arrived at work, cause otherwise it makes him worry, and raises his blood pressure, etc. And that's after I've done a lot of convincing that I am going to be fine. Before that they wanted my stepmom to drop me off while she is taking my 6 year old brother to school, even though it would mean that I am going to be a bit late. And I guess it's not that bad, and shows that they care about me, but it still is kind of annoying when you are 21 years old.
  6. Ok, yeah, it makes sense to embrace it then. So, should I just tell a therapist that I want to work on something general at first? I have never had a therapist, so I don't know how exactly it works. Won't he ask me what exactly is bothering me?
  7. @Preety_India I hope you get better soon both mentally and physically. And finally manage to cut ties/set strict boundaries with your mom. I also wanted to say that you and Marcel are such an awesome couple. I hope that your feelings are for real and you are going to work out. It is so heartwarming to read you posting about each other sometimes
  8. @Space Lizard why does anything matter? @Thought Art probably finds it interesting to think about, that's why it matters to him I guess.
  9. I do and soon, haha Thank you for dedicating so much time to help me out, I really appreciate it Embracing something like that is really hard though . I am not even 100% convinced if it is the right thing to do. Seriously, how do I embrace being turned on by a though of my girlfriend being fucked in front of me? This sounds super messed up when spelled out, doesn't it? I decide to cut porn completely out of my life, and do a traditional 90 days nofap thing when I will also not masturbate, because currently for me masturbation always lead to porn eventually. I know that this could probably help me a lot. But I don't think I will be able to talk about an issue like that to a person in real life, even if they are my therapist. It would be too embarrassing for me.
  10. I guess having a good self-esteem means not feeling inferior to others and not feeling like you need to bend over backwards for them. Through getting out of your comfort zone, facing your fears, challenging yourself? 1. Becoming independent from my parents, materially and emotionally. That includes: moving out, becoming completely financially independent, getting my documents totally under my control, and the most important, being able to make my own life decisions and to not feel like I have to apologise for them, cause it is my life. 2. Improving my social skills and overcoming social anxiety by pushing myself to connect with people more. Learning how to date, have relationships, attract women in general. 3. Getting rid of porn addiction Tbh, idk. This one seems really hard for me to grasp because it is not as tangible and straightforward as learning to approach girls is. I do feel shame and guilt about myself from time to time. And I generally don't feel that good about myself. For example, I hate when people take photos and videos of me, and hate to do it myself, because I always feel like I will look ugly. I also hate looking at pictures of myself that I already have. For example, looking at my photos in a family album is a really emotionally difficult thing for me to do. I don't have that many issues with looking in the mirror, for some reason I look better in it than I am in photos, but sometimes I am afraid to even look at myself in the mirror. I am trying to be supportive of myself and recently I've started practicing a more positive self-talk. But other than that, I don't know how else I can directly address this issue. I guess time, spirituality and psychedelics might help.
  11. @JonasVE12 I guess I just have low self-esteem because of 20 years worth of conditioning. I was made fun of at school and over-controlled at home by parents. I am 21 now and I still not fill completely like a grown up. For example I just had my first day at my first real work today and afterwards I decided to visit my grandparents for lunch. And when I came home my dad started shouting at me and saying that I am stupid and ungrateful cause he wanted to have a family dinner (without telling anything about it beforehand, according to him I was supposed to know that cause today was my first day at work and it had to be a special occasion) and I ate with my grandparents instead. And I pussied out and pretended to be all sorry and apologetic even though I wasn't. I also have some insecurities about my appearence, because of acne scars. But again, I guess they just come from an underlying issue of low self-esteem. It's not like I think that I don't deserve a woman. It's just sometimes really hard for me to believe that I can actually be genuinely loved by someone.
  12. That's exactly what I am doing. I have lots of insecurities and limiting beliefs that I turn into excuses and jump to extremes with. Like: "I can't date or approach girls at all because I need to figure out my career and finances first". Or "I can't ask a girl out on a date because I live with my parents" or "I can't approach a girl and ask for her number because I can't go on a date with her and she will get upset if I don't call her back". I have probably a dozen more stupid excuses similar to the ones above, haha. But in the end I am just scared to get out there I guess. That's the mindset I should adopt.
  13. Ok, I will prioritise my career while also not avoiding socialisation and relationships completely. I just need to do it in a more moderate occasional way so that it doesn't interfere with my main goals. That actually sounds kind of nice, now I don't have to stress over mastering dating and relationships and can just explore them in a chill and fun way, starting small. Btw, @Leo Gura , I've actually started doing some baby steps when it comes to working on my social skills and tried to talk to shopping mall workers like you advised. I think I am making progress, I was able to be pretty confident, talk clearly, maintain eye contact, etc. But the problem is that I can only talk to them as a client. For example asking something about products and services they offer or asking if they need a new employee and if they like to work here etc. I also try asking follow up questions when I can to keep conversation going. I want to be able to have a completely off topic conversations with them and also to be able to make jokes here and there. How do I do that? Are there some universal questions that I can start with? Whenever I try to come up with something I just get a blank mind and also feel that it is kind of inappropriate to just start talking to them about random things. Do you have any advice on how to fix that?
  14. @Someone here I see. Interestingly enough I think it's the opposite for me. I have tried to quit masturbation a lot and have to the conclusion that it isn to good for my mental health at that point in life. So I plan to only quit porn for now.
  15. @Someone here why do you want to quit masturbation as well?