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About Matteo

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  1. Oh god. Gotta study some retail terms that was enlightening.
  2. Hello, my question is this: I'm familiar with what HCl 5meo is and freebase 5meo. The first one is a salt, the second one is if you want to smoke it. But I'm not familiar with something called: SKU 5-MeO-DMT. I did some research, but haven't found anything. Does anyone know what "SKU" means? Thanks.
  3. I think I have accumulated a lot of anger during my upbringing. My parents thought it wasn't ok to express anger, so I never did, with them and with other people also. This lead to all kind of psychological abuses from other people, because I wasn't able to communicate to them that their behaviour wasn't ok. Now I'm 25, and what's happening is this: as soon as somebody (especially people close to me) shows some kind of aggressive behaviour towards me, like sarcasm, passive aggressive sentences or plain aggressive words and attitude, I don't just get angry: I feel huge amounts of energy in my body, I start shaking, vibrating, having spasms, crying. I feel the urge either to cause physical damage to some object around me, or to scream really loud. Usually it's not appropriate in the situation to to either of those things, and at times I was able to hold myself from doing them. In the last 5 years I had this kind of reaction maybe 5 times. Usually I hang out with people who are very gentle and this problem never arises with them, but once in a while it happens that I become friend with somebody that isn't that way. This year I moved to a bigger city, away from my parent's house, and I'm living with two room mates. One of them from time to time shows sings of aggression towards me, and two days ago we had a fight and I had a huge emotional reaction. We talked a lot in the last two months about those issues, and she says that I get offended too easily and that it's difficult for her to behave naturally with me because she's afraid of hurting me. After the fight we recently had, I feel afraid and anxious in her presence, because I feel like she might attack me again at any moment. She said she will be more careful, but deep down I don't trust her on that, and I'm afraid that I'll have to not interact with her anymore and work on my anger issues on my own. The problem is amplified because we're living together, but this is going to change because in september I have to move to another house. This anger problem makes difficult for me to interpret behaviour from other people in a functional way, and to decide what is tolerable and what isn't, what's appropriate, what's disrespectful. How do I work on repressed anger and personal boundaries specifically? I'm already going to therapy, doing journaling, psychedelics. Some people suggest releasing anger daily by screaming in a pillow and hitting something, which is precisely what I feel inclined to do when the anger comes up on it's own. Thank you.
  4. @StarStruck it's strange because I've done 10 trips on lsd two years ago, and I had panic just one time. why didn't all that fear came up at that time?
  5. I feel that I don't have a choice but facing my fears if I ever want to be happy. I'm just asking myself if this is a healthy way of doing that, or if could be damaging and traumatizing. I don't really understand how "facing fears" works.
  6. Two days ago, I took 1 tab of 1p-LSD in the afternoon. I did it alone in my room. I wasn’t sure about the potency because the substance is two years old, and I didn’t keep it in the fridge. It still had around half of the regular potency of when I bought it. The effects on the visual field were very mild, but it had effects on thoughts, emotions and body. It made me feel some weird nausea and uncomfortableness. What was most uncomfortable was my thoughts and feelings. Similarly to a trip I did two weeks ago, I felt paranoia and agitation. There where some insights and some answers to question I had, but nothing really groundbreaking. It looks like psychedelics have the effect of exaggerating all my fears: I’m afraid that people will hurt me and manipulate me, even if they look friendly in the beginning. For some reason, I’m afraid of ghosts and entities, even though I haven’t never seen one. When I’m on psychedelics, it’s late evening and I stare outside the door of my room where there is some darkness, I feel that something or somebody may suddenly appear and terrify me. Since I started pursuing spirituality, I feel that I developed other fears that I didn’t have before. I’m afraid of solipsism, I’m afraid that spiritual teachers might mislead me, I’m afraid of misleading myself if I don’t listen to teachers and do everything by myself. I don’t know who’s biased and in which way. I’m afraid of going insane. I’m afraid that psychedelics may harm me, because I’m not in a good, stable and calm place in my life. I wanted to take them to gain some clarity, but it looks like they give me both clarity and confusion. I’m afraid that I wouldn’t be able to relate to other people anymore if I keep going, because when I’m on psychedelics I see other people as if they are hypnotized, asleep, drunk, and I fear that they will drag me into that. I’m afraid that I will never be happy, and I feel stupid for not being able after 10 years of trial and error to get to a place where I can at least say that “I’m fine”. I thought also that I may need a stronger dose. On one side I think it could be dangerous and make me insane, but on the other side I remember that when I did stronger dosages in the past, the substance was lifting me up above all fears and into love and beauty. It’s like if I don’t take enough, I get stuck in a state of increased awareness of all the shit that I have inside me, but it doesn’t go deep enough to touch that love which would heal them. The trip lasted around 10 hours, which was definitely too much for me. I didn’t feel like it was too much two years ago when I did the same substance, but I feel it’s too much for me now. My body is much more sensitive right now to what’s good for it and what isn’t, and I feel it doesn’t like 1p-LSD much. I don’t know if psychedelics are doing me any good right now. What I’m thinking about, is to wait two weeks and then do 3 grams of mushrooms, making a tea with some lemon. That should make the trip strong enough to rise above all that fear, but much shorter and manageable. I need to be completely by myself, because even if one person it’s in the house, even if not in the same room, even if I told him exactly what I’m doing, during the trip I start worrying that him might be worried about me, which usually is what’s happening. Maybe I should focus on building a solid “normal” life first. A house that doesn’t suck, an income that doesn’t come from my parents, some stable friendships, a life purpose. But maybe psychedelics can help me achieve all of those things, if used correctly. I’m confused. I came to spirituality to achieve peace and happiness, that’s what I care about. That’s because I wasn’t happy and at peace for most of my life, and that’s still not the case. Maybe I’m in the wrong place.
  7. Thank you for your words. Do you or @Leo Gura know if there is any difference between doing alcohol extraction and making tea? Making a tea looks significantly more convenient and easier. Is alcohol extraction more convenient in some way?
  8. I don't know if it's due to dosage or the nature of the substance, but for me mushrooms don't give me any concentration power like 1P-LSD does. they're quite wobbly and more unstable that acid. With acid everything is ultra-high definition, focus is razor sharp, and they cause me less visual distortion than mushrooms.
  9. this monday, two years after I did my last 1p-lsd trip, I finally dediced to do 2 grams of home grown golden teacher mushrooms, with lemon tek. there are not many people where I live who have experience with psychedelics, and I was looking for someone to trip sit me. I found two guys on an online forum from my same city, and we met two months ago to talk about psychedelics and maybe trip sitting each other. they seemed kind people to me, and even though I don't know them very well, I had trust in them. so we met on monday to do mushrooms. I did 2 grams, the other guy (let's call him "Jack") did 1 gram and the third guy (let's call him "Bob") was the trip sitter. after three hours I was peaking. I couldn't keep my eyes closed as I whished to, so I sat on a couch with pen and paper writing down isights that I was having. Bob started talking to me, asking questions about what I was experiencing, and telling me things about his experiences, what he thinks about various subjects, and so on. he was talking to me like I was sober, like we were having a casual conversation on a regular day, but probably he didn't realize that I was tripping very hard. he was filling my head with things that I couldn't care less about in that moment, giving me a hard time focusing on the trip. He's not very good at listening, he likes talking and being listened to, that I knew even before the trip, but I dindn't know it could be a problem. I had an incredible capacity to read him in that moment, and I felt that he really needed someone listening to him and loving him, and I was just doing that. I felt like I was trip sitting him instead of the opposite. I began to see some negative and sinister emotions coming out of him, and I felt that he could be dangerous. He said he wants to do cerimonies with many people and initate them, but I felt something very narcisistic about it. I had less and less trust in him, moment by moment, and at some point he told me that he had a history of drug abuse with cocain and other drugs. he never told me that. I felt that I didn't know him at all, and I felt that he enjoys trip sitting people because it's easy for him to manipulate them while they're vulnerable. I felt that he was enjoying me being so vulnerable in that moment, and that he felt like a lion salivating in front of his pray. I began considering the possibility that he was about to abuse me or kill me. so at that point I was very busy being very loving and open with him, because I felt that he needed that. In the meanwhile I was also worried about Jack on the other side of the room, because he did just one gram and was behaving very strangely, like he was completely drunk, and Bob wasn't doing much about it. I was about to panic, but strangely I held myself togheter well. then it got worse. Jack went downstairs and came back with a glass pipe and a container with 5-Meo-DMT in it, and gave it to Bob. I knew that Bob never did 5meo. he did regular DMT a few times, but not 5meo. So he was about to smoke it for the first time in front of me, while he was trip sitting me, having no idea of what he was getting into, not realizing that I was having a bad trip and basically leaving me to myself. He could have had a panic attack, or a psychotic breakdown, or respiratory complications, or who knows what. He has no idea what 5meo is. I immediately stopped him and told him that he was making me feel very unsafe. He listened to me and didn't smoke. He got pizza instead. Jack said he came out of the trip, altough he was still behaving like a drunk person, and he called several friends on the phone, inviting them to come over. I didn't trust his friends either, because I didn't know who they were, and felt more endangered by their presence. eventually I came out of the trip and went home. altough all of those negative things, nobody killed no one and no harm was inflicted to anybody. I just had catastrophic visions of what could have happened. also I managed to realize many things about myself, to experience again the silent transmission of love radiating out of me, to consider more seriously the idea that I have invented everything that exists, and to understand deeper what is trust, and to see that I'm completely free to do whatever interests me in my life. I felt that everything that I created everything that happened that day in order to teach me a lesson about trust. I needed that lesson because I let many people abuse me in the past, because I trusted them without knowing them well. I'm not new to psychedelics, I've done 1p-lsd around 10 times with very intense trips, and some bad ones. nonetheless, this time I felt like a complete beginner and felt very naive for choosing these people without knowing almost nothing about them. I had far better trips when I was completely by myself. to sum up, here's a few practical points and some insights. this is what I think right now, it might be true for you or not: 1. beginners must trip either with someone they know and trust a lot, or with an experienced and loving trip sitter. 2. tripping is done best by yourself, unless you're with a proper shaman maybe, but it's just a guess, and it's not that easy to find one. 3. it's easy to be naive with psychdelics, even when you think you're prepared and responsable. you may discover you're not. 4. psychedelics can be brutal. It's not a path for everyone, and it's best to be gentle with yourself and honest about what you can handle and what not. 5. at this stage of tripping, set and setting are very important. even music playing in the background can change everything about the trip. I think I was able to not freak out because I choose the right background music. 6. this is a generalization, but from what I've seen, at this point of history the average psychedelic user may be somewhat irresponsable and have an history of hard drug abuse. both of those guys have that. 7. we are all looking for love. what you really want is to become love itself. 8. the reason why there are many spiritual teachers with different opinions is to allow you to not get attached to a particular idea and turn it into dogma, so that you have to find what's true for you by yourself. 9. it's important to follow your interest and your intuition, regardeless of what other people think. interest, passion, love and intuition is the compass that guides you through life. 10. mushrooms feel very toxic to me. there might be other substances and other methods of administration which are more respectful toward the body. treating the body well is very important. there are other insights, but I have pages and pages of them, and you can have your own insights if you do psychedelics.
  10. I've recently started a concentration practice again. I've watched Leo's video about concentration, which is three years old, but I don't feel that I really understand the significance of this practice. @Leo Guraalso I would like to know if in the last three years your understanding of concentration has changed in the light of all your experiences and awakenings, and also what is the relationship between concentration and psychedelics. You guys may share your understanding of concentration, your experience with it and what it did to you.
  11. Do you have extensive experience with both of this techniques? How are they different? Do they deliver similar results? Please share your experiences with those techniques or anything similar. Thank you.
  12. I have the impression that most teachers don't even know what 5-Meo-DMT is and what it does. It's not well known yet, altough it's increasing in popularity. As mankind advances, new paths are created and tested, this happens all the time. Leo is doing his own experiments on himself and seems very happy with his findings, let's see where this leads him. He might make mistakes and adjust along the way, if still possible. He might as well have discovered something important and valid, and it could be a great contribution to modern spirituality.
  13. How was it effective for you? Did it change your level of consciousness? If so, how?
  14. I listened to a lecture by him, he seems to have a lot of experience. He had problems reconciling the gigantic mystical states that he was experiencing because his normal life started to feel dry and insignificant, and he was just waiting to die so he could be infinity. He said he recovered from this. That's one thing that scares me, not being able to relate to normal life anymore. That was happening when I was doing psychedelics. That's why I went to sadhguru, because he was promising that through yoga your body will be able to permanently sustain those states of consciousness. I'm more interested in increasing my baseline level permanently, instead of just jumping. Some say this is best done by not jumping at all, but according to what leo says, this doesn't seem true from his perspective. Also I thought that those jumps happen anyway if you practice. It happened to me during a vipassana retreat. It happened to me on the top of a mountain for no reason. Sadhguru makes it happen on purpose during a program called Bhava Spandana. For example here he contradicts himself, because in one video he says "if you do big consciousness jumps with psychedelics, your normal life will seem to not be enough and you will suffer". But then in another article he said "with bhava Spandana we make you jump, so that you see what it's possible for you, and then you want all of it". A friend of mine did Bhava Spandana and said it was like taking mushrooms.
  15. Thank you. I also am rapidly getting intollerant towards the spiritual nonsense.