7thLetter

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  1. @Leo Gura We all learn from experience. 1st time I took one tab it felt weak like a marijuana high, 2nd time increased it to two tabs but it was too strong I had a bad trip. This time I lowered it to one tab again and had no idea it was gonna hit me like a truck. Picked it up from the same dealer.
  2. @Leo Gura Oh well I still experienced death and healed some past trauma. I don't understand why there's "little point" to that, that's pretty significant is it not?
  3. @Leo Gura How could I know what's happening if I lost my sense of self?
  4. This is my 3rd time doing LSD, I created a trip report last time on both my back to back experiences on LSD. You could find my first trip report here: https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/44301-trip-report-trying-lsd-for-the-first-time/#comment-556715 Picked up a new batch of LSD tabs from the same trusted source, tabs were 150ug each. I already tested them myself with Ehrlich's reagent test kit. I decided to do it last Friday with a friend at his place in his bedroom. We didn't overly prepare for the trip, I thought I'd ask my friend 2 days in advance if he wanted to do LSD, this was his first time and he said yes. There are many psychedelic preparation videos or websites with checklists saying things along the lines of "meditate before tripping" "make sure you're in a good mindset," but we honestly took it spontaneously and it turned out very well. It was taken in a safe environment, and was with a close friend. Although I wasn't completely prepared for this trip, I feel that I was at least "ready" to take it and let go of any resistance to anything I experience. Last two trips I wrote about in my first trip report, I did one tab then two tabs back to back with 3 days in between. 1st trip was enjoyable, but 2nd trip I had a bad experience and was resisting too much. In this 3rd trip, I experienced "ego death" for the very first time on one 150ug tab. Before the trip: Before the trip, I was helping my friend with something work related, and we both agreed on taking the LSD 30 minutes later. Once we popped the LSD in our mouth at around 5pm I started to feel a bit of anxiety, but I just did some breathing and my friend told me he had some essential oil to apply to the eyelids to help with anxiety so I used that as well. We then just chilled and played a bit of video games on the computer. 25 minutes in I started to feel the effects, I felt like doing nothing at all as usual with psychedelics so I got on his bed and laid down. We shut off the computer, played some music and just literally did nothing but wait for the effects to kick in further. I felt an urge to sleep on his floor rather than his bed so I did so, he lent me a pillow. For a while we were trying to find the best music to play which we both would enjoy. I suggested piano, mellow music, but his playlist wasn't what I enjoyed so I asked if I could play music. Played some acid jazz music that I used to listen to on psychedelics, and the whole time I was wondering what he thought of my music. He said he thought the exact same thing when he was playing music, about how he wondered what I thought of the music. Later on I played some music that I listened to regularly and not an acid playlist, and he enjoyed it. The Come Up: I wasn't exactly keeping track of the time, but around 6-7pm is when I would say the effects were fully kicking in and when we were slowly reaching the peak. Nothing was making ANY sense to me at all. I was controlling the music but didn't know what was on my playlist anymore, and thought what's the point of finding a good song. I just played whatever was on my playlist and stopped caring, I also asked if I could play anything and he said yes because he wanted the experience for me to be as comfortable as possible, so I did. I saw a bit of visuals, objects were slightly twisting and saw some pink and green colors. At one point I was laying down, the experience was enjoyable so far but all of a sudden I thought of some past trauma with some stupid old crush rejecting me. I instantly got up, and started breathing to get my mind off of it so I could prevent a bad trip. Luckily I got my mind off it and laid back down. The Peak: Had no idea what time it was during the peak of this trip, but it might've been around 7 or 8pm. Once I entered the peak, I completely blanked out. I lost COMPLETE sense of my self, my memory, who I was, what I do for a living, all thoughts, all beliefs, EVERYTHING. This must've lasted an hour or so. All that was left was just sitting there in peace, as an entity. I didn't see anything, all I saw in my awareness is what you see when your eyes are closed shut in a lit room, it wasn't just completely black. I loved this, it was very peaceful. This experience gave me an idea of what death is like, complete nothingness. This reduced my fear of death, if I imagine what death of myself as a human is like, I imagine it to be exactly like this. The Come Down: At around 9:30pm, this is when the trip turned into a bit of a bad trip. But it wasn't bad because I saw something frightening, it was because I came back into my physical body after sitting in peace for some time. It was as if I didn't want to come back. I died, then I came back to life and it freaked me out. I remember yelling "Where am I?!" "What's going on?!" My friend was next to me saying "Everything's fine, you're in my room. We took LSD and we're tripping right now that's what's happening. I know exactly how you're feeling right now, at some point everything will be back to normal." That meant nothing to me, because nothing made any sense. 80% of my memory was still gone at this point. We were still tripping, so we spent an hour waiting for the effects to go away. During this time, my mom was calling and texting me because I was out for a while. I didn't answer, didn't know who it was or why she was contacting me. I was trying to remember my life but I was having a hard time. I had some Chipotle I was eating, had no idea why I was eating it but it the back of my mind I knew I had to finish it. My friend brought me into his living room so we could talk, but I honestly did not know who he was or why I was there. Sounds like I'm joking but I'm serious. It was a weird feeling, it felt like I was in some random person's house who apparently knows me, but in the back of my mind I knew things would be okay. But at the same time my mom was contacting me and it was making me feel concerned about where I was. After I finished my food, my friend wanted to go out for a walk. It was around 11pm, it was dark outside. Stepping outside felt foreign to me. This is when I realized I left earth for some time and now I'm back for the first time in awhile. Everything I saw felt a bit new to me. Or it felt like I forgot about these things and are now reminded of them after a long while. Such as cars, ambulance sirens, roads, etc. We walked to the park, I was dead silent, I barely talked to my friend because my mind just wasn't clear and I can't converse after doing psychedelics. He started to assume things, maybe somethings up with me. But later on I cleared things up and got rid of his assumptions. It seemed to me like he was completely fine and didn't experience the same thing I experienced. We then chilled, talked about life until 2am, I was still only 90% back to life, slightly tripping. We called myself a cab, I forgot coronavirus was a thing, the driver told me to sit in the back seat. I got home, and I was up until 8am scrolling through social media and Youtube. It was honestly so strange to me, looking at people do human things on the internet holy shit. Insights/What I've gained from this trip: I now have a general idea of what death is like, or what it could be like. This resulted in a reduced fear of death. Might be too early to say but I may have gotten over some trauma that I've been suffering through for several months. I had a crush on a girl from work, she seemed into me but I messed it up with my neediness so she basically told me to fuck off. This experience made me love myself more and love the little things about life More motivation to pursue spirituality
  5. Over the past 2-3 years, I keep noticing the same pattern of toxic behaviors within' some of the people in my life. All of these experiences have hurt me in a certain way, it just seems like the universe is trying to tell me something. And the fact that some of these experiences have hurt me so deeply, just makes it seem like its meant to be a clear message. The toxic behavior from other people that I keep experiencing is "gas-lighting." Basically its a form of manipulation that is meant to manipulate the victim into thinking that they're wrong or crazy. A little bit of a backstory about me though, I used to do pickup in 2016 for one whole year, and it turned me into a complete asshole. I would just be a jerk to random females I meet on Tinder, out in person, or over text after getting their number. The pickup friends that I had acted the same way. I thought this was what attractiveness as a male was, but it was just complete toxicity. This behavior would even bleed into my personal relationships with friends, family, and co-workers. I remember I had a job at a restaurant, there was a couple hot girls that I just acted as a jerk towards, eventually I got fired. Plus the girls never liked me for being a jerk. I quit pickup a couple months after this, and I still noticed some of these toxic behaviors within' me. It took A LOT of unlearning and healing, to try and remove these manipulative behaviors. At this point in time, I would of course say I'm not that person anymore, but maybe little bits of pieces still exist within' me. The reason why I gave that backstory is because, I've heard that people's behavior towards you is just a reflection of yourself. So I honestly think that the universe might be trying to show me how manipulation hurts, and I'm getting what I deserved for how I've acted towards others in the past. Thoughts? ____________________________________________________________ Here's a couple stories of people manipulating me and messing my head up. But if you don't care don't read this part: 1. Was getting a tattoo at a nearby tattoo shop, artist told me 11AM, Wednesday. I woke up early, showed up, but apparently some other guy was there for his appointment too with the same artist at the same exact time. I made eye-contact with the artist, wanted to say what's up, then the tattoo artist yelled at me, saying "YOUR APPOINTMENT IS AT 2PM! CHECK WITH THE FRONT DESK!" The owner was right there and apologized to me. I left and came back complaining and saying I wanted to cancel, cause the artist yelled at me and its like they don't give a damn. The guy at front desk denied everything. I talked to the artist, and he was gas lighting me. He put all the blame on me and said stuff like "I didn't yell at you? You kids always want to get into trouble! I'm going to lose my job!" I still wanted the tattoo so I said I was in a bad mood. So he made me apologize to the owner, even though the artist is the one who should've apologized to me instead. 2. Previous job, was manipulated and verbally harassed for a year by my Supervisor. Long story short, I complained about this Supervisor to the owner of the company. Week later, we had a meeting, owner was gas lighting me. He was basically telling me how wrong I am, dishonest I am, fabricated reasons why I'm doing poorly at the job. Did not discuss my concern at all, and fired me. This caused me some suffering. I found out what they did was illegal, took some action and got a bit of money out of it. 3. Recent experience, caused me a lot of pain. Had a crush on a girl at work, eyed each other for months, finally talked to her and got her number. She said she has a boyfriend, but we still could talk. Over several months we didn't talk much, had a few tiny conversations but that's it. But still, the eye-flirting was there and it just made me feel so infatuated with her. Big mistake, I texted her so much without a reply. Pandemic hit, won't see her again. Cringe, but I actually really liked her so I was in pain because she wouldn't text me or anything. Texted her a final time basically saying it hurts that she wouldn't talk to me, then she freaked out saying how she doesn't want to talk to me, etc. I just realized that she was gas lighting me, over text. Some of the stuff she was saying about me was true, but some a bit over exaggerated. She made me seem worse of a person than I really am. Then she asked for an apology (just like every other gas-lighter). I asked for an apology too, but she basically said no because apparently she's the only victim here and I'm just a fucking robot with no feelings. This caused me so much suffering. All of these experiences have a couple things in common, I've said some things about them but all they do is deflect it onto me, put all the blame on me, then they ask ME for an apology. Because I'm the crazy one, I'm the one who's wrong not them, right?! I know that I'm always the right one but I'm just so blunt they can't handle the truth.
  6. @Soulbass Oh well, that’s your own opinion. Maybe you’re not the type to get a tattoo but I am, and other people are @aklacor727 I will definitely use this to think of some ideas for myself, thank you
  7. Thread title might sound a bit ridiculous, but I'm looking to get a full sleeve tattoo some day and I'm having a hard time thinking up some ideas on what to get. I want to get something that has a lot of meaning to me, perhaps something related to self-actualization. I was trying to think of something that relates to the Spiral Dynamics model, maybe some abstract psychedelic art, or maybe a tattoo of statues of a couple popular greek philosophers. If anyone has any ideas please let me know! Even better, if you could provide photos along with your suggestion. Thanks
  8. Not really. If you consider funding businesses through the stock market to be contributing to society then yes maybe. Also its not always one retail trader vs another retail trader, its also retail traders vs banks, small & large businesses, etc. So in a way if one retail trader makes money, it could possibly be coming from the large banks. I don't understand why this is a popular question in these forums, if you want to contribute to society then help educate people or something, or create a product that would do so.
  9. They’re talking about the collapse of the economy.
  10. The US stock market is being manipulated right now by the Fed. All they're doing is keeping the market propped up with printed money, which is unsustainable, they can only print money for so long. Once they stop propping up the market, then a huge crash is expected, most likely around the time of the elections, maybe sooner. Edit: But even if the stock market continues to go up, then investing $20-$50 this month will only get you like 10% a year. 10% a year with $50 is only $5 a year. But with the compound effect it'll be $5 this year, $5.5 next year, and so on. Follow this Youtube channel and watch this video:
  11. Accurate. Here are two Youtube channels I highly recommend anyone check out that talk about the future of the US economy. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXuldJPtmI0x0DVQFsB9cSg https://www.youtube.com/user/TheSchiffReport/videos
  12. @karkaore Welcome. And by the way I forgot to mention, babypips.com is a good site for learning the basics of Forex, if you haven’t checked it out already.
  13. Things that don't require weights: squats, pushups, lunges, dips (use your couch or something), angled pushups (also use couch), jumping jacks, burpees, etc. Honestly google has more answers. Maybe try some yoga. Personally, there's not much I can do without a gym but I still can go outside and do some cardio. Sometimes I'll run around the neighborhood, or find a flight of stairs and run up and down the stairs for 2mins+ at a time. Then do some pushups, dips, and lunges. Then obviously eat good, get your proteins, carbs, nutrients.