7thLetter

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  1. I feel that I have a decent amount of understanding on this topic but I wanted to create this thread to maybe get a discussion going, share some of my insights, and read some of your insights for us to further understand the deeper psychology of why people become toxic in any sort of relationship. Personally I've been quite a bit of a toxic person in the past when I started to get into pickup, but its gotten a lot better now that I quit and several years has passed since then. Although, I will say that this behavior within' me hasn't completely vanished and I might say things in a subtle way to try and get some sort of result out of it from time to time, specifically with women. Often times I may be aware of this but its not always clear to me in the moment, its only clear after the fact. I mention this because personal experience with something specific leads to greater understanding on the topic of it. So I honestly can understand why people tend to be manipulative/toxic within' personal relationships, and I may even have some empathy for them. Plus not only was I toxic, I've had many friends or co-workers who were toxic towards me as well and of course this behavior has bothered me. My understanding of my toxic behavior in the past is that I've had some deep rooted trauma when it comes to women, I've always had such deep feelings for a handful of women as a teen but I've never had any sort of relationship with any of them. So in my mind I was suffering deeply because of the fact that I couldn't have them in my life or any girl at all for that matter. This lead to neediness, sexual frustration, and trying to manipulate women to try and attract them. Of course it didn't work. With that being said, its pretty obvious to me that this type of toxic behavior comes from a place of trauma or insecurity. I've read a statement in an article that said something along the lines of, "gaslighting often occurs when there is an imbalance of power." While gaslighting is a common and separate form of manipulation on its own, I believe that this applies to any sort of manipulation tactic in relationships. The main intent behind manipulative or toxic behavior is to try and put yourself above others to feel a sense of superiority and to also get some sort of result with it. For example, an average guy in a relationship with a really hot girl might feel insecure about his ability to keep this girl and has a fear of losing her so he feels a need to manipulate her. Manipulation gives people a sense of control and that's what he thinks he needs, control. Low self-esteem causes him to place a low value on himself and he places a high value on her because she's hot. As a result of his low self-esteem he feels an imbalance of power. Rather than actually placing himself at a higher value than her by improving his life or self-esteem, the only thing he can turn towards is manipulation to try and put himself above her. But this feeling of superiority is inauthentic. Manipulation is quick and easy in the moment, it doesn't require us to change ourselves, we think that its a quick-fix solution and that we can get what we want with it but it ends up backfiring on us. So of course, in this scenario the girl eventually leaves him. One more example, subtle forms of manipulation often also occur within' debates/arguments. If a toxic person feels that he's losing the argument and he doesn't want to accept it, he may feel the need to try and put himself in a superior position in a manipulative way. He will gaslight, try to make the other person look stupid, downplay, create a strawman, deny, defend himself, justify, prove himself, at all costs, just to try and control the other person. It comes from a place of, "I'm not worthy of winning this argument so I will try to use toxic behavior to try and win it." In other words, they're trying to cheat their way into winning. "I'm not as intelligent as you, so I'll just try to make you look stupid." What are your thoughts on this topic, why do people feel the need become so toxic?
  2. Been about 4-5 years since the last money psychology video would love an updated more in-depth version
  3. I'm actually curious to see what the future holds for AI sex machines/robots. I'm guessing this will probably disrupt the sex work industry, men will turn towards paying to use sex robots instead of prostitutes, or purchase their own robot. This will probably start to become more and more common since its not illegal because robots are not humans and it wouldn't be considered prostitution. This will also decrease the spread of STIs/STDs.
  4. Honestly you could've just worded the title in a different way such as, "Using a fleshlight to fulfill your sexual desires." Which doesn't necessarily have anything to do with "personal development." Maybe it does but personally I don't really see it. To include the words "personal development" seems like its to just throw it in there just for the sake of it. It's definitely healthy for us to fulfill our sexual desires in a way that doesn't involve us going out there, sleeping around or involving the "R" word so that we can focus on other things, but in my opinion an example of personal development in this case is to abstain from masturbation completely, in other words to go and do "NoFap." By the way I own a fleshlight, feels like the real thing, I agree its better than a hand but what does that have to do with personal development is what I'm saying.
  5. I've definitely heard this argument many times and it makes a good point. It's the same way with how people often predict a huge stock market crash but we haven't seen one since 2008, although we did see the crash in 2020 because of corona, but now we're back to all-time highs. The counter argument these "doomsday" gurus make against this is the fact that the US keeps creating endless amounts of debt to prevent anything serious from happening, it's a band-aid solution. If you look at https://www.usdebtclock.org/ the US national debt is at $28T and rising. We're in a massive everything bubble right now and will pop at some point, the fact is that nobody knows when. Nothing goes up forever. And bubbles could last for years, maybe even decades, it doesn't have to happen in a short span of time for it to be considered a bubble. It's debt that makes everything seem fine right now. All we can do is look at history and see how this has worked out for other countries. Works at first but it becomes unsustainable then ends terribly, its all just a matter of time. But like you said, it doesn't look pretty. We're definitely already starting to see some things and maybe its just the beginning. Here's another video & channel I recommend:
  6. @freejoy They're doing the devil's work, doing more harm than good and covering their asses by making themselves look like angels. They didn't know they're creating problems? If that's what you claim then that must mean they don't know the type of chemicals they put into their food. Yes they do know. Even cigarette companies understand the issues they create and add "Smoking kills" or disgusting oral cancer photos on the front of their cigarette packs. No that most likely won't happen. Why would they change what has been working for them for decades? That's going to put them out of business. They're known for their garbage junk food, not for healthy organic vegan non-gmo low calorie 0 sugar no preservatives grass-fed no use of hormones or steroids fast food. They're going to continue to operate the way they do until the world wakes up, starts limiting junk food intake, and their sales start to die down. Maybe at that point they might try to go with the trend and sell vegan food but they will fail trying to become a "healthy" restaurant and McDonalds will shut down their business. Sorry, but the things you're saying here is ridiculous thinking that McDonalds will evolve, become more conscious and suddenly care about the people so they start selling healthy food, no way. They're no different than the cigarette company sticking a "smoking causes cancer" label on their cigarette packs. If they understand it causes cancer then why are they still selling it? Because all they care about is profits. If McDonalds understands their food is garbage and causing harm then why still sell it? They're only going to do what works, what rakes in the profits, not what is good and healthy for man-kind. If you think so then you're sort of giving the devil a chance after he's killed millions of people then suddenly saying "I'm sorry I won't do it again." Here's a photo of the cigarette packs I mentioned:
  7. I don't often see any threads talking about the future of the global economy, so I'd like to share two Youtube channels that I watch often which talk about the dark truths of where we're headed. Although, they mainly talk about the US economy specifically. I truly believe that this idea that the "economy will be back to normal, we're going to see a V-shaped recovery, the government has our back" is a false narrative and we're in for a rude awakening. Anyways, I'm not the one making these claims and I'm not here to have some sort of political debate. I'm just here to share these Youtube channels, feel free to share your thoughts. If you find value in these channels all we can do for ourselves is to prepare.
  8. @Regan Interesting question. I think you're basically also asking what the future of MMA is down the road. Personally I love watching MMA fights, but I don't think that makes me a "low conscious" person exactly since it seems to us that MMA only appeals to the low conscious, SD stage Red individuals because its all so bloody and brutal. I remember Dana White said something in a video along the lines of, "fighting will stick around forever, for hundreds of years people loved watching two people fight against each other." I do think that's true but at the same time, who's to say we won't outgrow it? Boxing was huge back in the day, now it seems like its starting to die off. Now it has turned into Youtubers boxing other Youtubers, basketball players, and wrestlers.. HAHAH. But boxing seems to have died off because like Dana said, they give someone a guaranteed couple million dollar paycheck then they run around dodging the whole fight. MMA is bigger than boxing because that's where the real action is at. Anyways, its already impressive that fighting is still around and bigger than ever these days in a more developed society, but still somewhat expected with the rise of technology and increased marketing for the sport. I'll use the spiral dynamics model for reference to better explain my ideas here. As a society we're still probably within the stage blue, green, orange era, specifically in the more developed, western countries. So of course MMA still exists and appeals to us. Although, I think once we start getting into stage green, that's when it might start to slow down or die off. Yellow & Turquoise might find it more tolerable with the attitude of "Who cares do whatever you want" and the sport might come back but it probably won't be as big as how it is now. Are all MMA fighters fully or partially stage Red? Ehh, for the most part maybe but I don't think so exactly. Khabib seems like he's stage Blue being a religious family man, and the rest of the fighters seem like they could be within' Blue/Orange. Could stage Green & higher individuals be MMA fighters? This is where it becomes complicated but if they have a passion for fighting itself then I don't see why not. This question is sort of like asking if crime will still exist in a society operating at its highest potential. I think of course there's always going to be individuals at a lower level of consciousness who will commit crime due to desperate situations, so crime will still exist but just at a lower rate compared to how it was before then. Will crime ever disappear completely? Could be possible thousands of years later, but who knows, that's the difficult question that requires us to look extremely far ahead with such clear vision about the future.
  9. @freejoy I often see these companies who run some sort of charity support on the side as some sort of business tactic to try and appeal to the kind-hearted individuals in order to acquire more revenue for the business. Nothing wrong with that though, just sharing my opinion. And I don't doubt they help families and do charity work, I'm sure they do. But even this thread makes it so clear that people are saying something along the lines of, "Wow! Look at all the good McDonalds brings to this earth they're such a great company!" With McDonalds making themselves appeal to these types of people it makes them more likely to support their business and buy their products, or even spread the word of a "good cause" that the business brings. Also, it makes people feel good about buying their products, knowing that every time they purchase a Happy Meal a portion goes to the Ronald McDonald House Charity. "Wow I'm supporting a good cause buying garbage for me and my kids." I say this because even pyramid schemes do this. I was involved in a pyramid scheme back in the day called "ACN" and they run a charity program called "Project Feeding Kids", you can look it up if you want. But basically part of their business plan is to "Feed starving kids across America & Canada every time someone becomes a customer of their services." It's such bullshit, they just want to make it seem like you're supporting a good cause because they "give back to the community." They also use this to manipulate their friends and family into buying their products. "If you sign up with us and pay your telephone bill every month you're feeding a starving child!" Bullshit. But again, I don't doubt these companies give back, I'm just saying that from my perspective they do it as an investment for the company to make more revenue. And the real question is, how much are they actually giving back? I'd assume in most cases its only a small percentage of their profits.
  10. @Chrisscholar123 For me personally it happened instantaneously as if I got knocked out or fell asleep at some point in the trip a couple hours after taking one tab of acid. So my existence wasn't slowly starting to diminish like you mention, it happened instantly. This was my first time experiencing something like this and it wasn't frightening for me at all. I think what allowed me to let go to the experience was that I was going through a bit of a hard time weeks/months before the trip and felt a bit suicidal, so my attitude towards death was that it didn't really matter if it happened. As for the feeling, leading up to the ego death its sort of like what happens when we go to bed, lay down, brain shuts off and we fall asleep. But we all know that when we fall asleep we're not fully aware that we're asleep. When we sleep we might have some dreams, 8 hours go by then we wake up. In the case of ego death, its as if you fall asleep but you're fully aware of your existence. Although, there is not a single memory or thought about the physical reality, about earth, or your life, or what you have to do tomorrow, or your family, friends, nothing. No self, no hands, no arms, no legs, no body. All there is, is the feeling of infinite bliss. No worry, no pain, no fear, no suffering, nothing at all. The physical reality or life as we know it just completely vanishes as if it never existed, or as if it were just a dream. This was the best thing that has ever happened to me. As for the visuals, I didn't see anything, everything was just black. But not pitch black, black as in what we see when our eyes are closed shut. When I woke up from this, I started to freak out. But I freaked out because I came back into the physical reality, I wanted stay in that state forever. And I do want to mention, when I came back probably 75% of my memory about life was completely GONE. It took a while for me to regain my memory. I did this with a friend and I was in his house, I didn't even know where I was or who he was. He was a complete stranger to me. This part of the trip was the most odd thing ever. I tried so hard to think about who I am and what I do, but it barely came back to me. Once I got home hours later, I started browsing the internet and everything about Youtube, Social Media, etc. somewhat felt so new to me. Watching other humans doing things on the internet helped me get my sense of reality back again and realize what I am. This experience changed my whole entire attitude towards death and this is how I imagine death to be like.
  11. Oh, that's a bit of a toxic comment there, wasn't expecting that
  12. If you care about my life story read here: Me, I sucked with social skills growing up. In Elementary & Highschool I was always the quiet kid in class, I had friends but I always somewhat chose to hang out alone during lunch. Lunch time was hell for me because I'd always try to find ways to stall time until the bell rang. Sometimes I'd sit in the bathroom for an hour, or just stand in the hallways. This is what it was like for me throughout Elementary AND Highschool. I'd only talk to the friends I had during class or outside of school, just never during lunch time. I'm an introvert (INTP) and I just naturally felt the need to hang out on my own. I'm not a nerd, but I sort of was in the sense that I played A LOT of video games and watched some anime in my early years. I'm talking maybe 8-12 hours a day of video games per day after school or on the weekends. This definitely contributed to the poor social skills I had. But anyways, I don't want to make this too long. During highschool I had crushes on tons of chicks, never talked to them. After highschool, at my workplaces (I worked in a restaurant as a cook at around 16), liked some females but never talked to them. The thought of them would be so painful for me I would literally cry. I didn't even shoot my shot with any of them but for some reason I was upset. So this is when I started to seek help and improve myself. I started to look online and developed an interest in psychology. At first I thought I had social anxiety (and maybe I did to some degree) but turns out for the most part I'm just an introvert so I started to learn more about what an introvert is. Although I was a loner throughout school, my social life got better over time. As an introvert I was always so good at creating friendships with that one extroverted person, that it lead to them bringing me into their world and introducing me to other people. It's just so fascinating that while introverts aren't good in group conversation, they have great strength in 1 on 1 conversation or connections. So I built a close connection with one or two extroverts then it lead to tons of social events and new connections. Skip to this part if you want to know what I did to improve myself: Best decision I ever made to improve myself was to work customer service related jobs. If you read above I was working as a cook for a while, but then I decided to move up front as a host. Less pay but all I wanted was to get out of my shell, and it helped. All my jobs after that were all customer service related in the hospitality industry. Interacting with hundreds of customers per day will definitely boost up your social skills, its all about getting the experience and its not really about reading books. I still read books though, did meditation, worked out at the gym, went to counselling, but I can say 95% of my results came from action taking. Not only did I work customer-service jobs, I got into MLM & pickup. I hate these two now, but they both honestly got me waaay out of my comfort zone. MLM if you don't know is the same thing as a pyramid scheme, and pickup is just cold approaching women. In MLM I've interacted with so many people, and this lead to me meeting a friend who got me into pickup, and when I did pickup I approached hundreds of women, got a ton of numbers. After all this I've just developed so much charisma, I became a completely different person compared to who I was. It became so easy for me to attract friends at work. At this point in time I can't even fathom how crazy my life used to be. This was when I was in my early 20s. To be honest though, this social momentum will only last for as long as you are consistent with it. Now that I'm 25, being social is getting less and less important to me nowadays. I've naturally gravitated towards having less of a social life at this point in time because I feel that there's more important things we can put our energy and time into than having a social life, plus I'm completely fine with solitude. So since the momentum died out, at times I still might be quiet and awkward around people but it should be expected after not interacting with people after a long while. My social skills are still there though it just requires a bit of a warmup first just like anything else.
  13. It's against the rules to set up any sort of group chat outside of the actualized.org forum because its considered splintering the community, Leo wants all discussions within' the forum + its just easier for mods & Leo to moderate. If Leo is the one who sets it up then of course its fine
  14. @Moksha I want to add to what I just said earlier, and this is also to add to the entire thread overall. I thought of this the other night and now have the chance to post it. It's sort of a different perspective to what I was saying. I completely understand what the article is saying, its basically saying the richer we get the unhappier we become due to the fact we may work more, become isolated from others, and want more as we obtain more. But, doesn't this happen at a smaller scale too? Hypothetically speaking if we were living in a third-world country making $10 a day, then we suddenly move to a first world country and make our current wage right now, does that mean we get unhappier? If yes, where does the unhappiness come from in this scenario? Is it in the fact that we became richer jumping from $10/day to $2K to $5K a month for example? Or is it because we now have the money to buy more which leads to more desires? We're not exactly working more because $10/day in a third-world country is 8+ hours of labor. Do we become more isolated? Maybe but it really depends on the context and isolation affects individuals in many different ways, and in this scenario not really because we're still working the same amount of hours and have times for friends and family if they moved with you to the 1st world country. And lastly more money more wants, yes sure but isn't it worse making $10 a day? You can't even eat 3 full meals with that, and you'd be in an even more desperate situation making $10/day. What is the article suggesting? To stay stuck at our current wage and not work for more to avoid unhappiness? Or does the article act as a way to justify why we don't have what we want, or justifies why we shouldn't work for more? I'm really just questioning what was said in the article and the idea of being richer makes us more unhappy. I understand it completely but there's more to it than just that, which lead to more questions. If we scroll up @Bando was saying "look at all of us non-rich people speculating how rich people would feel." Even though I agree we are sort of just speculating here, and I even said it is speculation in an earlier post, but even though some of us may not be rich, we can understand the idea of acquiring materialistic things at a smaller scale. Maybe I personally might have a burning desire to get a specific $5K car or $500 watch and be disappointed and bored once I get it and want an even better one. Its the same exact problem a rich person would have, getting bored after fulfilling their desire for a $500K car or a $50K watch. When it comes to these materialistic things, there's really no difference between luxurious cars and regular cars. Sure one is more shiny and faster but they both serve the purpose of getting you from A to B. Expensive food vs regular food, one tastes better but they both turn into shit at the end of the day. Watches, Rolex vs a regular watch, one is shinier but both tell the time. Having sex with a 10/10 female vs a 5/10, one is hotter but with both its just the experience of sex at the end of the day and it doesn't change anything doing it with a hotter woman. So the point is, I don't really see the difference between these sorts of lifestyles, or for example middle-class vs higher-class. One just has nicer things. With this being said, having more money doesn't really seem to be the problem. Maybe its the problem of how they got to a specific point. Middle-class people are generally unhappy because they work dead end 9-5 jobs. Rich people may be unhappy because maybe their schedule working on a business for example, requires more hours than a 9-5 so I guess that brings us back to the idea of "working more" as said in the article. Or like I said in another post, maybe the rich people had to step on other people, sell drugs, become the devil and sell their soul basically to obtain their wealth, which then leads to the unhappiness. Its starting to seem that the problem is deeper than just "becoming richer." The idea of working more is a good point though but people who work minimum wage work quite hard too, they still work 8 hours compared to 9-5 workers who also work 8 hours but make a higher wage. While I did agree to the fact and say getting more leads to wanting more in my earlier post, I would say this happens at every level. It doesn't matter how much we're making because the ego always wants more. Whether we're the $10/day 3rd world country worker or the 1st world country $10/hour minimum wage worker, we'll always want more. In fact, the person making $10/day is in an even more desperate situation and wants even more. With this being said, this goes against the idea of "more money more wants." The ego will always want more so having more money isn't necessarily the problem. Although, from a spiritual perspective we might say that leaving the desires alone, letting it go and doing nothing about it will cause the desires to go away. My thoughts may have gotten all over the place but there's a lot of questions here. I agree with what the article is saying, but at the same time I don't. The thing is, the article covers what may be happening on the surface level, but it seems there may be some deeper issues that lead to someone's unhappiness when it comes to obtaining more. And I think the answer is that it just depends on the person and their mental state. I guess its also about how they mentally deal with these specific issues. Because I don't think this information applies to everyone and affects everyone the same exact way. My mind is currently scattered now with this topic, the article has got me so messed up lol.
  15. When does he ever say we "HAVE TO" pursue truth? I don't think he ever told us to do anything, we're supposed to make our own decisions in life. If he told us we absolutely definitively positively have to pursue the truth at the cost of everything then yes that sort of would contradict the fact that he says we must exhaust our desires before moving onto enlightenment/truth. But I don't think he ever said that. Although I'm sure he does say something along the lines of, "The pursuit of truth will cost you everything else." In this case he's not contradicting himself, he's simply just telling us the cost of pursuing the truth. In response to your edit, do whatever you want. Why the need to ask another person how to life your own life? Whatever it is you find most important in your life is what you prioritize.