SamC

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About SamC

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  • Birthday 02/27/2001

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  1. I am very perfectionistic so before I tried to write down everything as I saw that it could be used for XYZ later. This leads to paralyze by analysis becuase I procrastinate reading and taking notes becuase the effort is so high due to me wanting it to be perfect. I know this is not the best way though. When I looked around some have said that it's best to take notes after you have read something and try to remember it and then look at the material again and take notes on the things you missed. How do you do it? @Leo Gura
  2. @Surfingthewave Well obviosly I do but I am trying to heal. That's why I try to understand, because I want to heal and grow. It's my whole point. If you read my posts you will notice that aswell Trust me, I know. This is my whole work. Please let me grow my own way. I ask these questions because it's a part of my journey to understand and heal. It's not weird or strange that I beliive what I belive and it's not so simple to say that I don't have a point either. Woman are afraid of toxic masculinity/ shadow feminity in men, but if it's healthy masculinity then the fear may or may not be there, depending on the context. Besides this, woman often have a love hate relationship to their masculinity which gets projected outwards, just like a lot of men have shadow feminine aspects so my beliefs are understanable, yet at the same time gross generalizations. ( see the term animus posseion). I am trying to understand you ( the feminine), please try to understand me aswell. Eventhough it's based on fear - I am trying to connect to the femenine, I do my best. Please try to see that.
  3. Yeah for sure Yes I do, I signal shadow feminity which implies toxic masculinity and feminine repression.
  4. @Nahm Thanks man! No, I have not - or atleast not to the degree I want. I still experince the feminine running away from me, though I honestly am starting to consider if that is just a projection of fear aswell that creates a self fulfilling prophecy. I do feel like I am experiencing deeper and deeper intimacy and understanding with females in general though. It's not a full release, there are a lot of projections and fear still there, but it's a lot better than before. Okey I will. What so you mean bu that sad and I am not connecting to woman is not an emotion. I get that the not connecting to woman is a projection but isn't sadness my real feeling or is that also a projection? Also thanks for your inputs, they have helped me realize a lot today.🙏
  5. @PepperBlossoms Lol no you where not. You're fine. I am not here to get sugarcoated, I want to grow. It feels like woman can't understand men ( me) and that they are afraid of men because they are afraid of me but maybe that is just becuase I signal something out. What I mean with that they are afraid of me is that they are running alway from me. It's not that what you're saying is wrong because I agree with it, it's that I talked about something else which is related to something besides context, but maybe there is no other thing, yet there Is but that thing is context sensitive. Maybe it's both the " truth" at the same time. The reason why I felt missunderstood was because I interpeted it as you ( the feminie) pushing away my efforts in trying to understand the feminine ( you) which makes my ego sad because it is what I am trying to avoid in the first place. Maybe woman are afraid of men" all the time" in certain contexts and that is the case becuase of biological wiring, which kind of is the love-fear paradox. I think toxic masculinity ( which includes repression of the feminie) scares every woman and that all woman atleast screen for and are cautious of men becuase they might be dangerous because XYZ. There are subtleties there though, that amounts to the fact that woman in fact are not afraid of men all the time if the masculinity is not dangerous to the feminine...yet if this is the case- I am not sure if attraction can be created because the femine desire strength and if it doesn't scare her on one level, it doesn't have the capacity to protect her so if it's a healthy masculinity, and she is attracted to her, she might be afraid of him ( on some subconscious) level but that doesn't mean that she is always afraid of men. Maybe? Idk. Or maybe not. Yes I do, because I feel like I am disconnected from woman, which is why I am trying to bridge the gap to feel connected to the feminity. Me being wrong informs me that I am still disconnected from the feminine, and that mainly becuase fear arises which is what I am trying to run away from.
  6. Ahhhh I wanna fight back so badly XDXD. I feel like woman can't understand me and that what you wrote contradicts it. Ahhhh
  7. Yes, but what is the difference between her experience and actual reality? All live in reality, yet it's different for all of us yet the same reality? Do you mean absolute reality? Hmmm. * I am going to observe my ego reaction against this and see what comes up* " But I am trying to, that's what I do - I feel so disconnected from woman and now I am trying to understand them, this makes me feel so missunderstood. This is the truth, woman are afraid of me"- ego. ( aha btw) woman are afraid of me! That's what I project. Okey, there obviously is a lot of fear here still. My action in trying to understand woman are pushing them away, which makes me scared because I don't know how to do it know - I thought I got it but now it feels like I am further then ever away with connecting to woman and it makes me sad. Thoughts on this? My ego hates you right now but I love you <<3 thanks @Nahm
  8. I beelive that there some truth to it but some projections aswell. Though I am definitely biased, I think that I grasp some part of the truth. If I am wrong however, I would gladly drop that belief in a beat.... hmmm. Well if it's a belief maybe I should drop it all together, but then I don't know anything and that is kind of scary. It informs me of her reality. So you're saying that I should investigate the belief that an ambivalence exsist further? Got it.
  9. @Nahm Oh - I don´t doubt that I am projecting. I am actually kind of banking on that. I am myself terrifed of the masculine but I still belive that there is some truth to the fact that woman experience a fear in regards to the masculine aswell ( atleast those who have made it to be dangerous in their mind,) I don´t why but this popped in my head now, woman are not afraid of masculinity, woman are afraid of toxic masculinity. The direct experience that I have is woman telling me that and intuitive insights if that makes sense, that informs me of aspects of reality. One example of this is that woman´s life´s are govurned by fear and seeking security as a way to freely express itself, kind of like the yin yang. My hope with this post is to get to the truth no matter what it is. I know that I don´t see this clearly and are projecting a lot of fear, and it´s that that I am trying to work my way out of to then trancend. One girl who explicity said Yes when I asked her, have had significant trauma and lost his dad and is repressing her masculine side ( I think). She has atleast trouble with how she relates to the masculine inside.
  10. @PepperBlossoms Good analogy. Thanks. So in a way we are afraid of what we are afraid of giving the context and it´s no different what we are afraid of other than the context. This ties into what you said above, that men are afraid of women. Males also have an ambivalence but it´s based on another fear - so in a sense, it´s no different, bút it has different consequences. Men are not afraid of women because of them being women, they are afraid of them because of the rejection, that is hardwired into us as being super dangerous. The key difference here I think is that men can overcome this fear, while women can´t due to it being more fundamental to their survival than for men, What do you think about that notion? Yeah, I honestly think that it is tougher for the ones that have shadow feminine elements ( which is all of us) but women tend to have more of that ( maybe). What you´re saying ties well in with my newly founded realization that women want men to be everything that enables their feminity in any given moment... and because of that - it´s all very context-sensitive. This is the honorable sacrifice and honestly almost submission that the MASCULINE does for the feminine. It acts as a container that is modified for the feminine to live in Yeah, I agree. I wonder however if women are able to truly understand the masculine perspective because of the nature of feminity, Of course, both should seek to understand each other and I think both can but I also believe that the feminine always will view the masculine problems with fear and therefore not see it as it is - because if the masculine is in imbalance, the feminine is in danger. This is something I am investigating more into so I might be wrong but I honestly think there is something to it. For example, in Teal´s Swan's video on nice guys, it´s very evident that she is disgusted by pushover nice guys and I believe the reason for this is because they fucking are disgusting, in the point of view of women because they signal DANGER. This projection however is not the absolute truth/ love though, because it´s skewed so it creates a generalized bias that is impossible to step away from fully. Men have these biases as well but I don´t think we are as hindered by them in the sense that we can´t break out of them - because we don´t have this basic fear that all women constantly feel when it comes to men. If men have an abundance of girls and get rejected over and over and over again he will eventually stop caring. Women on the other hand can´t escape men potentially being dangerous to them - no matter what. Yeah.. but most importantly I want to understand and trust myself. When I do that - I will trust and understand others and then they will want to trust and understand me. It all starts with the inside. Yeah, so the female strategy is to understand the male and what he signals out so in a way women are hard-wired to understand men perfectly... the only thing is that it is filtered through the lens of safety. The understanding is biased because it has to be because the understanding is a survival strategy that women use all their lives. Yeah, so better realize that and not be emotional to not prove the point
  11. Brilliant response - thank you!@zazen I have another specific question for you. Do you think its possible for the feminine to underdstand the masculine perspective and the challenges that goes with it? Isn't understanding the masculine in contradiction to the feminine survival because she has to push " dangerous" masculinity away from her?
  12. Thanks man! That makes a loooot of sense actually. I will definitely check it out! 👍
  13. @PepperBlossoms Yeah I know but if you go to the core, I think that's what woman provide men. Men can as you said provide basically everything and anything, but I think that it's something meta that the feminine search for in the masculine and the masculine search for in the femine and it's it opposite. What that is practically is what's interesting however. It's the yin yang I am trying to understand. Yeah but we are never afraid of them. Of course there can be mix feelings but I am talking about the fear - love ambivalence that I noticed exists in a lot of woman, not mix feelings and that there are pros and cons to your partner. Sometimes it can be really though to be rejected and pushed away by woman becuase you feel even more dissconnected from them. Many men who woman deem as unattractive ( like the nice pushover guys) are actually not real " creeps" or bad people. They just exhibit shadow feminine qualities which signal that they can't provide containment for their own feminity. Of course those men aren't necessarily " real nice guys" but they are not bad people either and I have a lot of empathy towards them because I used to be guy. Again, I don't think woman should try to " connect with them" and honestly, I think woman are unable to because then the whole point of moving towards union wouldn't make sense. The masculine needs to learn how to hold space, understand and protect the feminine - not the other way around. That said - if you really wanna know... it's very difficult as a man to be pushed away by the feminine, because you feel very missunderstood - just like a lot of woman feel in regards to men. . Yeah - and that's the catch 22. those types of men are the biggest challenge for females to integrate and understand because it goes against your safety and survival. Thanks! Yeah this makes a lot of sense. You want different colors in differnt contexts.@Leo Gura ( which is = to social calibration... what does the woman need me to be in order for her to feel safe and sound)