RickyBalboa

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About RickyBalboa

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  1. Latest entry to Eric Weinsteins podcast the Portal. One of the best examples of a stage yellow conversation I have ever seen on a Podcast. I hope you all enjoy this as much as I did. Rarely get to see conversations that display meta analysis at this level.
  2. @Osaid If the goal is to go from paralysis back to sleep then I'd agree eyes closed will lend itself to that. I had an interesting experience the other day where I went from dream into paralysis to noticing "oh thats not bull with claws on top of me, thats my fucking drapes I'm staring it" Apparently in my dream I was attacked by a bull that grew claws and started caressing my body aggressively, I sat there unknowingly with my eyes open for like 11 seconds, manipulating my rooms environment to match what was happening in my dream. I couldn't help but laugh after realizing what trick my mind played on me. This was a very powerful moment that came with much implications about the mind. The idea that your brain can interpret a seemingly normal and familiar environment as something other than that is incredible. My black drapes became (as far as i knew) a bull wearing a black cloak. The reason it wasnt scary was because before I was even in sleep paralysis mode I had already accepted that the bull "got me" and I was gonna die. I just accepted death and whatever happened after that acceptance was just a bonus of "well, lets see what happens now". The letting go mindset has spread into so many aspects of my life now and I have really reaped the benefits. It's helped my psychedelic journeys, sleep paralysis, nightmares, everyday situations that used to frustrate me. etc. road traffic, injuries.
  3. I might be in the minority here. I had it happen a few times. Once I looked it up and was aware of the range of experiences and symptoms I could expect I no longer feared it. I would notice "oh, arms and legs are frozen". I'd very patiently start to try wiggling my toe, until I develop feeling in my body again. I'd keep going at it until i could move the rest of my appendages. Once I could move again I would walk around and grab water or pee. Ever since I have been able to identify that I'm frozen and start hearing background voices or presences, I would know instantly what was happening and no longer feared the process. I think as long as you have a goal(in this case it's gently try and start moving without desperate urgency attached to it) in mind, you can calm down about what other things you are experiencing as you know it will end very shortly if you keep calm. That's just my experience though.
  4. 40:43 Could be wrong, but Joe might have been referencing Leo here. Doesn't name names but he has made complaints about "Self-helpers" in the past. He seems to have the bias of only trusting people with material credentials, a fit body, or age/experience, but it might be a reason he wouldn't be interested in Leo. He's being reductionist and kinda immature in the clip but take from it what you will.
  5. @RevoCulture You are right. On all your points. I know because I have come to the same conclusions. The only thing in my way of living consciously with all those points in mind is programming myself to know them to be true without falling deeply into fear. Fear is the the force that uproots all of the points you have made, requring me to replant them and nurture them consistently. Thank you for reminding me of all those things. I will try my best to cultivate them and nurse them into an active process in my life! Thanks friend
  6. Setting: Room at 3:00 am Probably one of the most uncomfortable trips given the small dose. Things started out normal, Increased sensitivity to sound. I put on Tesseracts Altered State album. Its one of my go-to- albums for setting the stage for encouraging flow and momentum in the tai-chi and Yoga I intuitively start engaging in as the come up begins. I really don't have to give my body too much input. It ususlly just start moving in smooth flowing patterns and I lightly direct my moves and postures to match the conditions of the music. It's a poly-rhythmic heaven this album so it suits moving around at various speeds and rhythms. After the album finished my hearing started to become ridiculously sensitive. The buzz from my studio monitors, the fans from my computer, and the various overtones from the a/c vent began to converge into this complex swirling cacophonous whir that I interpreted as incredibly menacing and dark. So I powered down my speakers and computer and just dealt with the a/c. This only magnified presence of the a/c. It sounded like a vacum,lawnmower, and low pitched siren all going off at once. Objectively it had a sort of beautiful depth to it. However the atonality of it makes it so dark for me for some reason. I've had this problem in the past with other experiences. The a/c always gets to me. This is coming from someone who enjoys very loud cacophonous and dark music. So it says alot when a stupid a/c vent starts getting to me. I started to notice how the sounds going into my ears is directly correlated with my bodys tension. Higher vibration and frequencies tighten my up and the release of those vibrations allows for the relaxing of my muscles. This had huge implications for what I allow to go in my head throught the day. The feelings in body are directly coorelated with whats going into it on a vibrational level. Things began to get dark at a certain point. I felt an impending doom. There was a 'thing' and it was coming. I had no line of sight or cue of any kind to tell me what the thing was. But I could feel it. It was there and the gap between it and me were closing. My body began to vibrate in a sort of way similar to when your leg falls asleep. A sort of numbing and dissociation became more and more present. My mind began to pull for an explanation of way of understanding what was happening. I was slipping and the ground under my feet in a sense was starting to give way. I imagined the senations I was feeling akin to that of what I'd imagine being raped or molested is like. Powerlessness, confusion, helplessness, with no hope of salvation. This is happening and there is nothing you can do to stop it. My mind was leaning away from what was occurring and I was sort of fighting what this 'thing' coming toward me was. Same sort of thing happens to me on dmt. My mind starts shuffling through all the things and people who I would normally go to for comfort and I realize they arent real. While in sober state they seem real the experience assures you "no, this is as real as it gets" All those other things are distractions from THIS. That you are truly ALL ALONE. There's no where to go. I paced and flowed around my room as is routine for me in any experience. Energy is everywhere and it must continue, Energy keeps just going. That's what is does. It became clear how life is just energy happening through me and that my actions arent really my own but ones dictated by circumstance and magnetism. I spent the next half hour trying to accept this for what it was. Calmly and graciously accepting lack of control. As the experience started to wear off I decided put on another album to appreciate the illusion of control and connection with what seems like 'other'. I played Devin Townsend's Empath album and marveled at the range and complexity of this aural masterpiece. The mundane patterns of everyday life are a true blessing compared to the void I was hit with. Being thankful for the illusion seems to be the take away of this particular experience. People are much to entitled and petty in daily life. Things are relatively good compared to any point in history. Sure things can be better and one must feel dissatisfaction in some capacity for progression forward but also must acknowledge how fortunate one is at the same time.
  7. @sultan_zayed This was something I was mulling over today. People definitely congeal to the stages of people around them.Essentially getting dragged down. Survival in a nutshell. However this isn't a rule. Some individuals are starved of individuals who match their sd level in their immediate environment and will as a result "go dormant" and interact in a manner just to get by while still holding onto the tenants of their sd level in their head. They might not necessarily drop levels but will not be exhibiting their traits to their full potential due to lack of conductivity they can be experiencing with someone of similar understanding in their intimidate surrounding. Many of us are blessed/cursed to have been brought up the spiral with the help Leo, only to be pulled away from where we once were and not have a means of connectivity with prior peers. Being more alone is a sacrifice you make to evolve.You are tasked to either step up and become a beacon like Leo for others to grow from or completely isolate yourself and remain stuck. I'm currently part of the latter group as I'm a coward who fears repercussion for being %100 honest and bold about who I am.
  8. Yocan Evolve plus works great for dmt. Just make sure you dont hit the throttle too hard and straight burn it all at once. You wanna just kinda pulsate the button that heats the coil. Better yet, get the ceramic replacement coils rather than the dual quarts coil. The ceramic donut isn't as harsh and has direct contact with the dmt. I've seen them priced at around $25 if you look around a bit.
  9. He's not wrong. Psychs sent me on a pathway of constant bodily awareness. Problem is you let yourself become detached from your body throughout the day in the activities you do. With a mix of yoga practices, daily exercise, re-adjustment of desks/chairs you frequent you can change your posture and bodily alignment. Psychs wont do the trick by themselves but will further supplement your growth as you connect all the factors that are contributing to your posture. You might be unconscious of why you are actually suffering bad posture. Emotional states also have a role in your posture. Certain environmental triggers might cause you to hunch as it makes you feel safe or comfortable. This might not be the case for you, but if you contemplate on your emotional and postural patterns through the day you can surgically pinpoint what exacly has to change in order for you to open up your posture. It's difficult to help you as only you have access to your body. Best of luck. If you have any questions feel free to inbox me. This has been one of my biggest personal focuses for the past few years so I'm more than willing to help give you more detailed answers if you have any specific questions.
  10. @Girzo Well, to be fair 4-ho-met is lesser known and less popular than al-lad over the last half decade. Calling it too new is similar to a 36 year old calling a 23 year old "too young". Which is respectively the ages of the two substances. The two seem so similar in their profile of effects compared to others that it seems it would be the perfect for op's purposes. I have never had any negative symptoms from 4-ho-met but OP can make his own decisions I suppose.
  11. 4-ho-Met. I posted a short report on it recenty. It's considered a great beginner psychedelic and simialr to AL-LAD in that it can be very visual and lack too much difficult headspace. Considered the most recreational psychedelic by most because of those characteristics. Its for those same characteristics that others don't like this substance. People will call it "hollow" or "lacking spiritual depth". With that said. I highly recommend it. I find it's one of the best psychedelics for microdosing as it has a low threshold. That's if you are into microdosing. Either way its fantastic for someone getting into psychs.
  12. Oh god, I see your point, but this reminded me of the Ludovico Technique in A Clockwork Orange. Hopefully playing video games won't induce vomiting in OP.
  13. Well this one is tricky because the line between having good self-esteem and having arrogance can be a little blurry. Especially when you are looking for external examples. You don't know how they are operating internally. There is no tell tale sign for someone having high self-esteem without the arrogance attached. I struggle with finding the meaning of true self-esteem without getting too sucked towards its polar ends of arrogance and submissiveness. I would say the best signs of healthy self-esteem are someone capable of fueling their own proactivity and moderating their energy/emotions efficiently without having to bring anyone else down or be affected by others attempts to be brought down. Basically just be a perpetual motion device. Have flow and be okay with whatever comes your way. Being able to aikido anything that tries to put a spoke in your wheel. @Knock I love Fed. Everybody does! So naturally I am skeptical of him. I just think to myself he's gotta just be sitting at home sometimes looking at his trophies like a smug bastard saying "I'm the best motherfuckin' tennis player to ever live". Idk man, hes just too humble and likable.
  14. Sorry your game didn't turn out how you would have liked. Despite that let me impart you with my knowledge from playing tennis competitively from a youth into my college years. 1. Play in practice the way you are gonna play in a match/game. People have a habit of practicing one way and then when the match comes around they treat it like a different sport almost. Whats the use in practicing one way if you are just gonna start over-thinking and being emotional in competition. 2. Don't adjust your mechanics in game. I've seen people get all up in their heads trying to change the way they do things in competition when that window has already long passed. That's what practice was for. They keep making drastic adjustments trying to fix their current situation in the match. Practice hard, program yourself in a certain way and flow with that in your match. If you are meant to beat them at your current skill level you will win. If you don't you probably weren't meant to win. I've seen too many people have the upper-hand in a match and then choke because they think the had to change. Ultimately this costs them the match. 3. Sports are more mental than physical. If you can't keep your emotions cool and in check you will most certainly will lose many matches you probably shouldn't have. You have to remain confident and clinical. Getting negative or even too positive during a match will set you up for failure. Theres only one man who has ever used negativity as a weapon and had success in tennis at least, and thats John McEnroe. He was an exception though. One in a million. Most people don't start playing better when they get emotionally turbulent XD. I struggled with all these problems and those were the lessons that helped me the most as I too was a VERY streaky player as a kid. I could be on top of the world looking like the flashiest player in town one day and the next get so down on myself that if you walked in on my match you would have thought that someone had given me a death sentence from how sad and dejected I looked. Hope someone of these resonated with you and provided some insight for future competition!