RickyBalboa

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About RickyBalboa

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  1. I've always struggled to understand where people are coming from when they state that someone 'deserves' something. Whether it be some form of punishment or a reward. An example could be someone who has committed a crime and then at some later date ends up falling prey to some unfortunate circumstance. It baffles me how many people will say things like "Good! It was much deserved after all they did to so and so". Firstly, I never have understood how wishing harm on a person can be anything other than hypocritical. You lamented at the idea of someone suffering, then you revel in the thought of another person suffering? It's just not consistent. It always brings fourth images of people from long ago being held in stocks while townspeople are encouraged to berate and throw stones at them. Does it not dawn on these people that by engaging in this way, that they have brought themselves closer in form to the very thing they are expressing hate against? As far as earning goes, it seems to be pretty arbitrary. Why one man deserves to be in a mansion while another on a curbside is just completely lost on me. I see people so readily able to justify matters of what is and isn't deserved so quickly, and where who does and doesn't belong in the world. They do it without so much as a hiccup if whether what they are saying makes any sense. I might just be dumb, but my brain really gets hung up on stuff like that. My brain just can't compute when people go on a spiel about 'deserving' things. Maybe someone can clear up my confusion on this matter. Am I tapping into something fundamental important by being confused by this trope in human behavior?
  2. @Ajax Considering my goal is not not operate on pre-conceived patterns. Or at least operate on them less so. I feel like these things are already a step too far. I don't want to come into situations already loaded with habits I believe are going to set the situation in specific directions that one would hope for. Smiling is very often a thing we do out of expectation. Which is very much so the case in America. There is tremendous amount of pressure to always smile if you want to climb any sort of ladder in this country. It seems like a complete contradiction. Out of fear of what will happen if we don't smile, we smile. I hold it true that you can be quite at peace and not be showing any ill to anyone walkiung into a conversation without a smile. I think smiles will materialize naturally when your curiosity becomes piqued. I find that I smile very often at the many micro-epiphanies I will continuously have in any given moment. To tell myself to "be warm and kind" with the hope that it will gain me some sort of advantage is the kind of inauthenticity I am trying to release my grasp from. I hope I'm making sense here. Yes, I'm guilty just as much as any person that I'm making critiques of. However, my goal is to weaken that muscle that makes me react in this very way. For example. I was sitting in a lobby today waiting for a ride to come pick me up. I got up to stroll around the lobby a bit as my legs began to get tired from the sitting. I turn to find an employee staring at me from their small office. My initial reaction was to quickly dart my head away, but I did not. I just kept my gaze. Until maybe another 3 seconds passed. Still being stared it. There it came, that discomfort. "Why is this person continuously staring at me? If they had a concern, surely they would say something to me by now. Nope, still staring. I ended up making a face back at him instinctively, that I can describe as 'whats going on here bud?' ". As I continuously strolled along, the door frame interjects our eye contact, and I see the receptionist who was just talking to me earlier looking at this guy in confirmation as if to say "See, how weird this fellow is". It struck my injustice/conspiracy trigger that I developed in school by always being ganged up on by others. I'm glad that I was at least conscious of what made me get upset. But I still reacted negatively. I ended up saying aloud "Should I leave?" Is it a problem that I'm waiting for my ride here?" The girl quickly rushes out with her fake business voice, claiming that "He didn't know if I needed assistance" The inauthenticity was just oozing. She couldn't just be honest about how they were judging me because of course that 100% goes against how they are supposed to interface with the customer. I have a really hard time dealing with anyone who is doing business as there is always a pre-tense involved. They act as if their whole existence is predicated on keeping that position. It leads to massive amounts of inauthenticity. I want to work on not reacting to other peoples layers and layers of expectations of "normal behavior" not get to me. It seems the less reactive I become, the more weirded out these completely loaded with opinions types spew their negativity toward me. You would think being overbearing and overtly rude would be the thing that upsets these people. But no, being less of a self and allowing them more breathing room just seems like fertle soil for them to attack you so they can feel better about themselves. I want to work on not reacting to other peoples layers and layers of expectations of "normal behavior" not get to me. It seems the less reactive I become, the more weirded out these completely loaded with opinions types spew their negativity toward me. I want to be free of feeling others scorn as I know its rooted in insecurity. Our collective insecurity is what spurs the whole scenario in the first place. Their fear of me. My fear of them fearing me. I'm just looking for others experience with this and how they push through to being authentic whilst not being at the mercy of other peoples selfish attacks.
  3. I'd been reading Ralstons The Book of Not Knowing and been doing a lot of yoga and gada training. I've been making a real attempt to bring a calm energy over myself in opposition to my very anxious and shifty energies from my past. While I feel the benefits of being more energetically grounded. I notice that this really can have a profound effect on those around me. Some good some bad. I've made it a point to interact with very little pretense and have very few thoughts running through my head when conducting business out and around in public. What I never anticipated though was how thoroughly uncomfortable I could make certain types of people with this. Really. It's quite incredible the degree to which I am seeing people knee-jerkingly roll eye's, fake smile, vomit statement's completely out of line with how they are feeling, Just to sustain the mask of behavioral social righteousness. It's truly incredible. My interactions went from rushed diarrhea statements from a pool of about 30 possible phrases and a narrow range of interaction types. To a more relaxed. and wide open river of possible statements. The range of interactions has become so much more diverse. Either it goes really peacefully, and has warm gracious energy, or can span all the way to the other end of the spectrum to this really ugly kurtz and dismissive attitude from the other person. I have to admit, those really feel nasty and my already high level of sensitivity does not respond well to it. But as each of those interactions passes me, I unbiasedly pick apart what happened and why. The answer I mostly come up with is with that the other person almost ALWAYS has a preset notion of what the interaction is 'supposed' to be, and then judge me for not complying with their preconceived notion. Ultimately leading me to the conclusion that they themselves are very rigid, locked in, and scared. Why else would you need to make such rash negative judgements in the midst of an interaction other than to convince themselves "Yes, I am definitely in the right here, and the better person, because the face and tone of voice I used CONFIRMS IT". The level of delusion in these people is incredible. They reference themselves as if as long as they act or speak in a way toward a person. That that event in itself is the proof of their conclusion. Initial Impression = Evidence. Its totally nuts. I don't socialize much, but I make it a point to be more open to "not knowing" and can see just how radically it can change ones living experience in a society obsessed with pretending to know. Other people who have made the shift from being completely riddled with anxiety to welcoming an open and life accepting energy in their life. How have you(especially highly sensitive individuals) maintained your ability to stay on this path in the face of all the individuals who judge and condemn you for not "playing the game" and not conducting yourself in a quick paced and presumptuous attitude that is perceived as conducive to modern public communication?
  4. Jackable trays. Monster linguistum for all circumventive process wheezes. Little snickery conundrums exacerbates all the liquid toasty-pops. Flu whistles hampering on the tangle ropes fortitude But only for today Can we jiggle jiggle terrarium tops with olfactory noodle napes. Oh why will white-knuckle larry larp ludicrously under the thumb of tank tantrum bowl pits. Ramrod ripper injects plastic clamps posthumously Abracadabra bengal crusts dust elephant fangs graciously Half-witted Interchangeability just kills lemon mustard neutrality on purgatorial quasars Rolodex stretchers trump ulnar variation with xylophone yard zones Laryngitis can't quell these paradoxically ordered sound structures Glossolalia peppered word salads flamingo stomped images twist meaning-making symbol ballads Don't tire the machine Release the tension folds and liquidize gods dingo driven booger molds Rawr-a-parooza Ruby rue part toon nostalgia biscuits. Brake rake intake flake Heimlich thunder plate. Jiggy jiggy jiggy jaw. Jesus contemplates Saturns fertitlity under anti-gravity hypnosis torture. Godverdomme sandy loam striker boofs the bucket past the cods finish line. Underwater programming extracting free-flow from the gizzard landing stations. Suck my quill. These physical organs can't touch the no-clip zone torpedo zoom. Who's to decipher the rheumatoid prism plates without the direction of FOCKIN' HAGRID...... the FOCKIN' ELF. Burrow the rainbow potato mulch. Oh sweet aunt sally, give me your wooden hook wind-up laser show. Hop hop... hop hop mr. Maldritch Eggery. You won't soon be forgotten by the nymphs of wimhammsery palace. Whismy whack-a-null Subtract the negative void variation clones continuously beyond multifractal infinity stacks. Pull pair push pocket, meld molt mar mangle Ritardando cunnilingus fraternaties tumble toward barricades casts incomprehensibly The Jagged cast court refrains from coersive cave cats mutiny maps. Come alive crystal jangle flats.
  5. 9 I scored the highest in vanity but I think those questions are fundamentally flawed. 1. My body is nothing special. - My body IS special, and so if everyone elses. I like to look at my body. - I do like to look at my body because its an incredible thing, along with everyone elses. One is assumed to be narcissitic while the other is not. 2. I like to look at myself in the mirror. - I like to look at myself in the mirror because it's useful tool for self awareness (works well with yoga as an exteroceptive tool) I am not particularly interested in looking at myself in the mirror. - Not caring at what other people have to look at all day is pretty narcissitic if you ask me.
  6. I did Kareoke for the first time last week, and this was the song I chose. Im very proud of myself for stepping up on that stage and belting this one out. It took a lot of courage.
  7. Cantankerous sand streams scraping through swirling multi-polar siphons. Curtailing costs correctly through calculated crime tallies. Stale side-tracked syllables crumbling under corrective measure. Sick self-doubt. Summon the mushroom. You are not allowed. Who's to cut the foliage? Are you the victim of self-stalking? Stick to the conservative sales. Shrink the inhibition intercepting geometrically illustrated vision. Kellogg Listerine. Stripped, sloshed, re-binded. De-toxified blinding. Exercised grinding amongst the harmonic kind. Does your goody bag tingle now? Lateral slicing. Spill the catalytic icing. Watching straw-silk sour for negative vacuum hours. Which way does the rope evaporate? Climb inside. Multiply your divide. Here comes Johnny. Sweet past time. Was that my punctured fabric? Tortilla juices masquerade tooll stallways. Marble clomp delay disengaged. Flabbergasted...... HOOOOOOOLLLLY SHIT Mamas making portals for mardi gras. Was it 52 or 50? Where's the fucking black chalk White sediment marches across the terrain. Kill the insta-gels. Whopper Condoms from Kingdom Cum. Who.... turned out..... the lights.... Watch your fucking wind-up dolls.... I REPEAT....WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS... Curtain call. Cockamamie poppy cock. Judge Darison called the tingle tantrums off sides Who woulda thought scan lines predict wave play dynamics? poom poom. Rickety reggae. ooooooooohh thats the spot Jiminy. Slave labor aboriginees squeeze your weak and dried knees. Pimples pop for thanksgiving fire dorks. Live up lake lye for untrained grafitti brambles. Logical nonsense V ^ to the squid power. Angles resting slop pocket lines under roused dribble biscuits. Walk on the clouds suppressing stress mist. We want all those pearls staked on the elevator trains august bi-lateral schedule. Drop through the somber illuminated quest trines. Gimps predict saucers launch lanes. Stick to a better thought process.
  8. Today, I was bombarded with a chemical smell I can only imagine was the product of party outside of myself. I became slightly irritated as it distracted me from what I was doing. I then briefly wished to not have to experience stimulus outside of my scheduled activities unprompted (yes, silly and selfish...I know). It made me realize how novelty is completely relative and dependent on the subjects prior experience. With that said, I'm temped to say that god could experience the exact same feeling of novelty. However, I would be faced with a contradiction. God wouldn't have reason to keep itself in motion(our collective experience of reality), for all possibilities would not bring fourth anything new. Thus no reason for existence in the first place. I so often hear the idea that "existence is the product of god being tired/bored of oneness". If god were omniscient, there would be no reason to set the billiard balls in motion to see if it happens as it would intuit. Unless of course you could chalk up reality as its Imagination and not really happening at all. I've pooped myself into a corner on this. Any insight on the matter god/gods?
  9. Your second question relies on answering your first. The outcome of that answer is gonna determine how to go about doing the second. The idea of immature/mature are relativistic and arbitrary. Mature just means fully developed or fully grown. Who is the authority on that maturity? Identifying why you asked the question in the first place might prove useful in this situation.
  10. Go visit r/getmotivated. There is no shortage of absolutely ridiculous quotes. Many of which masquerading as noble and empowering while actually propagating toxic and selfish values at the cost of others.
  11. Cool Strangeloop Video game for Virtual Reality Consoles. Really cool that somebody made this concept a core mechanic of a VR game.
  12. If anything, Leo's opening statements might have been a bit too general and sweeping. If he approached the topic with a bit more finesse it probably would have prevented a large portion of people getting triggered. I'm not gonna lie. A few of his statements struck a nerve in me, but being patient and sticking it out 'til the end proved to be worth it.
  13. Yes. As great as this place is, if more of this kind of unwarranted kind of banning takes place, i'll be too sickened by the level of hypocrisy to want to come back. Hoping we don't see more committed members with valuable insights be tossed away for such trivial matters. To answer your original question. I've hit a place where I'm fairly certain I'm gonna have a challenging ride despite dose or how i'm feeling about my life. So even taking those into consideration is kind of pointless. I realize this isnt the case with everyone though. So for noobs especially, I would consider playing it safe dose, set and setting wise.