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About RickyBalboa

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  1. Today, I was bombarded with a chemical smell I can only imagine was the product of party outside of myself. I became slightly irritated as it distracted me from what I was doing. I then briefly wished to not have to experience stimulus outside of my scheduled activities unprompted (yes, silly and selfish...I know). It made me realize how novelty is completely relative and dependent on the subjects prior experience. With that said, I'm temped to say that god could experience the exact same feeling of novelty. However, I would be faced with a contradiction. God wouldn't have reason to keep itself in motion(our collective experience of reality), for all possibilities would not bring fourth anything new. Thus no reason for existence in the first place. I so often hear the idea that "existence is the product of god being tired/bored of oneness". If god were omniscient, there would be no reason to set the billiard balls in motion to see if it happens as it would intuit. Unless of course you could chalk up reality as its Imagination and not really happening at all. I've pooped myself into a corner on this. Any insight on the matter god/gods?
  2. Your second question relies on answering your first. The outcome of that answer is gonna determine how to go about doing the second. The idea of immature/mature are relativistic and arbitrary. Mature just means fully developed or fully grown. Who is the authority on that maturity? Identifying why you asked the question in the first place might prove useful in this situation.
  3. Go visit r/getmotivated. There is no shortage of absolutely ridiculous quotes. Many of which masquerading as noble and empowering while actually propagating toxic and selfish values at the cost of others.
  4. Cool Strangeloop Video game for Virtual Reality Consoles. Really cool that somebody made this concept a core mechanic of a VR game.
  5. If anything, Leo's opening statements might have been a bit too general and sweeping. If he approached the topic with a bit more finesse it probably would have prevented a large portion of people getting triggered. I'm not gonna lie. A few of his statements struck a nerve in me, but being patient and sticking it out 'til the end proved to be worth it.
  6. Yes. As great as this place is, if more of this kind of unwarranted kind of banning takes place, i'll be too sickened by the level of hypocrisy to want to come back. Hoping we don't see more committed members with valuable insights be tossed away for such trivial matters. To answer your original question. I've hit a place where I'm fairly certain I'm gonna have a challenging ride despite dose or how i'm feeling about my life. So even taking those into consideration is kind of pointless. I realize this isnt the case with everyone though. So for noobs especially, I would consider playing it safe dose, set and setting wise.
  7. @BlackMaze I can't locate my head after listening to that.
  8. Skip to 4:39 David Blaine performs magic for group of young men in Haiti. It's not understood as entertainment and instead is taken for harmful voodoo.
  9. 9/27/2020 Time for a short anecdote. Yesterday was my first time trying vr. My friend bought a Valve index headset with controllers and bases for 1000$. It came in and he asked me to come over to give it a spin. I was very impressed. Sure it wasn't 100% indistinguishable from reality, but we are still pretty early in the development of this tech. It looked rather good despite that. I maybe played around in this environment in a 3.5 x 3.5 meter space for probably a good hour and when I came out the use of my thumbs while using my phone felt not quite as real anymore. The use of my body almost felt like a simulation. In a way it made me really appreciative my immediate environment in non-vr space. Reality experienced in human form alone is incredibly beautiful and it shouldn't take exploring a vr environment to realize that. The defining factor in what makes our reality feel so boring at times is it's static nature. The vr gives you the opportunity to explore new spaces without the pain of lengthy travel and spending money per mile traveled. I'm rambling but the real reason I wanted to put this down on text was because of what happened to me later that night after I went to sleep. So maybe 5 hours later I went to sleep. I ended up falling asleep on the ground next to my gf with the lights on. What happened next is a bit hard to explain but basically what happened was I pushed my body upright with one hand and with the other I reached over at my gfs face and began poking it to see what would happen. There is alot of picking up and touching of objects in the vr environment via the controllers that can sense the opening and closing of your hands. So in my strange state of what people call 'confusional arousal', I was testing the reality of my gfs form. Here is the kicker though, while I was aware of what I was doing, there was no Rickybalboa to speak of in this state. It was like my normal everyday identity was COMPLETELY absent from my actions. That part of my brain was offline. It took me going back to sleep and then waking up a few minutes later to realize "wtf, what just happened? I remember doing that to my gfs face and can sort of put together that I was doing it because my experience with vr earlier in the day. But the inability to identify with my self as Rickybalboa or acknowledge my gf as her typical role in my life is really perplexing". I stayed up the next hour reading about people who have experienced the same thing. This is how I came upon the term within parasomnia disorders known as confusional arousal. Reflecting back on my life, I have definitely had this happen before. But usually there was less action and more just staring around the room in confusion while not really knowing who, what, where I am. One of those times unfortunately being near the ending of the Evil Dead when all the zombies are melting and exploding. That was fuckin weird, and kinda traumatizing. Apparently it's very common in children but does still happen in some adults. Really, the thing that intrigued me the most was the combination of this event and the obvious effect my vr experience had on my actions in said state. There was just enough awareness present to realize I had the power to interact with my environment and enough to question "Is this environment and creature next to me real? Can I touch it?". Only thing that was missing was my identity and all my memories of what brought me to where I was. So fuckin strange and in a sense enlightening. So easily I forget all the things that come together that allow me to function as a human being in the present moment. How much my memories are central to making sense of what is around me. Imagine what living in that strange state perpetually would be like. Being perpetually confused about where I am and not holding memory beyond the past few seconds ago. It felt like what I would imagine insect consciousness would be like. Not knowing what I am but endlessly trying to meet mybasic needs at all moments of the day up until the moment of my death. I really don't know what to do with this experience. Incredibly interesting but It can't be filed like my other experiences, it just doesn't fit in any category or folder the same way other experiences do. That is all.
  10. I watch this one every now and then. Excellent example of Toxic Blue
  11. 9/22/20 Its astonishing how the feeling of embarrassment is not limited to being in the presence of others. I can feel quite embarrassed being on my own. The question is if that shame (in the presence of no one) is an invention of my own or a construct of society which was programmed into me a long time ago. Even if it was the latter, could it really have been programmed into me without my permission first? Only I can give permission for some pattern to take a hold of me. I guess the distinction here would be conscious permission or unconscious permission. If that distinction does exist then a majority of my programming must have been unconscious and been readily absorbed during lower levels of development when I was much less capable of making distinctions. So in that sense, I can't really be held responsible until I became conscious of said shame and realizing I hold the keys to release it from myself. That time is now. It may not have been my fault, however it is now my responsibility to fix it. If I am responsible for releasing this long held pattern, then I am equally responsible for asking myself whether it is truly a necessary emotion to go through. My first instinct is to tell myself this is a BAD emotion. It leads to hang-ups in my decision making and frames myself as a victim. If I had to be neutral and try to note examples of why shame is in fact GOOD. My immediate answer would be that It stops me from committing the most heinous crimes known to man. Rape, murder, and theft are all acts I could commit with more ease If I did not feel shame. They are the most direct paths one could take to getting their base needs met. So upon such reflection, it seems my shame serves more good to others than it is bad for me. The worst of shame is a brief activation of the sympathetic nervous system causing an unpleasant sensation in the organs and potentially a feedback loop of shame/anxiety depending on how I respond in the presence of others. But again, who is responsible? Is any one individual other than me responsible for the potential feedback loop of negativity I exhibit as a result of the initial shame? Obviously not, but the ego has it's own thoughts on the matter. The ego will quickly blame society for whatever feelings It experiences and the uncomfortable impulses that ensue (fight,flight,freeze)that could potentially hurt social status further. Thus reinforcing the loop more. So the big question here is how can one mitigate their response to shame and manage them to where they reap the benefits of not doing harm to others or self, but also not have to cower in a pit of their own suffering? I DONT KNOW