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About ElenaO

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  • Birthday May 29

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    Seattle, USA
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  1. I didn't meditate today at all. But I went for a 7-hour meditation course yesterday. So I guess it evens out. I'll commit to do an hour of meditation tomorrow. I also feel that breathwork is more powerful for me. I tend to release more then and in vipassana I mostly concentrate my attention and only sometimes get moments of light release. It's not even close to what I experience in my breathwork sessions. It's probably expected. I don't really hear people crying in vipassana sessions. I'll try dynamic breathworks this week and will update my findings here. Of the hard things I've done today. Being open with my friend. Even though if she wouldn't be receptive, I probably wouldn't have opened up to her either. And not eating cookies while at a cafe. However, I ate too much of a dip. Which makes me think I need to start planning my meals as much as I can, so they are more balanced and leading to losing weight instead of gaining. I may try to eat tomorrow less fat (not to say that fat is bad, it's actually very healthy), more protein and even more greens. Like 70% greens. I'll probably be hungry, but will eat a few eggs in the evening to get rid of that hunger.
  2. OK, I completely fell off the wagon. I fell back into the trap of comfortable life. And it's easy to live like that. But there's also some deep dissatisfaction with life. You know you are not living up to your potential. I went for a trip/hike today and I loved the fact that I could speak out almost anything and people would at least pretend to listen. I often do not express myself enough in situations where there's fairly new people. Or in situations where I am afraid they won't listen and just ignore me saying anything. I also loved that I didn't care so much and didn't try to please people. What I decided to do is eat only Paleo from now on. No matter how costly that would be. And if that means I'd need to buy from salad bar all day long, so be it. I'd also want to analyze my motivations more. Anything I do. Let's say I want to lose weight. Or why I am trying to force myself to do that piece of work. What is behind it?
  3. 1. Did 1 hour meditation 2. indulging in food is a challenge - I feel it's not about taste but more because of the comfort. Especially when I am tired I need this comfortable feeling that would balance my mild suffering. 3. Didn't eat bagels that were at the office. And didn't binge on the pizza available too.
  4. Thank you! I went to Victoria just a little over a month ago
  5. Today started great, I managed to get myself motivated and persisted pretty well with the meditation and concentration. Did 1 hour of Vipassana, 3 minutes of concentration practice and 5 minutes of visualization. And did some stretching in the morning. Then started with work. I went for a barre workout later and felt so tired after it, because I put a lot of energy into it, which of course is great. But I also felt like I need to eat and felt pretty sick by everything. The ticket I was working on for work proved to be longer than I expected and I felt bad. And in general it feels like there's a lot of grind. But then I had a wonderful surprise at the end of the day: I got accepted as a speaker at PyCascades!! That was such a surprise, considering that only 8% get selected <3 Felt so exciting! Ok, my report for today: 1. 1 hour meditation - done 2. no food indulgence - ok, but did allow myself some cheese and too many fruits. On the other hand, have to give in sometimes 3. something uncomfortable I've done today was doing the barre workout with all my grit.
  6. I haven't posted in a few days, because was running around either responding to my own needs or the needs of work (which one of my own needs, too, actually). I've been doing OK with all three, but resisting to indulge in food isn't as successful as it was right after the retreat. I just have to keep working at it. Detaching myself from the pleasure and understanding that these cravings will pass. This requires consciousness and wisdom and I am not always good at it. It all comes down to surrendering to the pleasant and unpleasant sensations. Letting them be. Observing them. But you have to be conscious when these sensations come up. Otherwise, you'll just react. And that's what we mostly do. For the uncomfortable things: I resisted to eat cookies we had at work, which was awesome; practiced patience with others; did a hike in rainy and cold weather, even though I wanted to do it, actually.
  7. I am going back to my earlier routine before the retreat. My motivation is waning. I am starting to come back to complacency. I guess there must be certain things that I want that would keep me on track. Perhaps could print some images of women with highly attractive bodies, which would keep me off any junk, including pizza, cheese, etc. These I eat when I am going to meetups. Perhaps could read every morning a motivational book. See how hard working others are. People around me aren't exactly hard working. I also want to learn more English idioms. This does motivate me. Maybe I could spend my free time doing that. Would be more fun doing it with someone, of course. Maybe memrise or duolingo or something else that would keep me going. I could start with promising to do certain things every single day. And sticking to it. 1. 1h meditation every single day 2. stopping myself from overindulging food 3. doing one thing every single day that scares me or makes me very uncomfortable I will post my report my report daily to share.
  8. Great work! Keep it up. I wish I was doing meditation at your age. And for such long periods.
  9. Either it's my mind or something else, but my great routine is going to hell. I wonder how does anyone keep up with it. It's as there must be a very strong drive to keep up the discipline. I must perhaps visualize the outcome to keep being efficient and hard working.
  10. I realize how easy it is fall back on being complacent. It's just the default mode, unless you stay vigilant and direct yourself all the time. It's where you will be if you are surrounded by people who do same thing. It's either being alone and developing a strict routine or being around people who do hard things.
  11. I start noticing how I am slowly sliding back with my routines and hard work. I've been supercharged after my meditation retreat to work hard. Now society and my own mind is making me slow down. I have to be vigilant here. But it's very hard to notice this! I got to analyze everything I do before I do it and contemplate on it. There's too much noise to notice it clearly. Maybe having a plan would work. But it just sounds so anal and neurotic to plan everything up. Well, tomorrow after work I want to go to yoga. That'll be at 5:30 or 6pm. I want to commit not to eat after it. This shouldn't be hard. I also want to write up my Vipassana experience in English for my Toastmaster's speech. I could do my laundry early in the morning before work too. That way I get more time in the evening. I just have to keep remembering to do the emotionally hard things. Not the things that are easy.
  12. I find meaning in just working hard at things. I think it's probably thanks to dopamine. Love working out (now that I feel much better). Love working hard and even that uncomfortable feeling when you don't want to do something but you push through anyway, A lot of it I learned in Vipassana. It teaches you so much patience and perseverance. I also finally realize that I want someone on my side. I remember some guys were telling me this and I couldn't understand it. But now I get it. My brothers are married, some friends are getting married, getting a relationship, so now I feel like I have no one really to share my things with and be an important person for. It's not like I cannot live without it. I can! But I was just thinking today that it would be nice to have someone to share your thoughts and problems with.
  13. Still grieving this guy. I guess it's a craving, really. I understand that that's the end to romantic times with a guy I actually liked. He also "stole" the possibility of me dating someone like him and making it work. Of course, that's my own insecurity. I have to work on it. I have to take 100% responsibility here. I want someone I actually like. There's this whole industry about pickup and that's for guys. But how does a girl get a guy that she really likes? Maybe indirectly she can by taking care of herself, being around lots of guys. But it's still seems kind of out of control... I met another guy today that I've originally met on a hike. And I think I screwed up. Not 100% sure. But I think I said one or a few things without being too careful and he might have got insulted. It's not like I was rude, but I just spoke my mind. On the other hand, I am not sure I always want to be too restrictive on what I say. After all, he will find out everything sooner or later. Still felt a little disappointing. And I am still hurting from the previous relationship, which wasn't even a relationship but a summer fling. Ugh. I want it back. But who cares what I want. Got to live with what is.
  14. Oh man, work and improving yourself can be such a drag. You have to keep fighting all these temptations and easy life... I should think of a strict regimen and commit to it. The hard part is committing to it. You have to see the real reason for it. I guess seeing it how hard other people work would motivate me. I have to start getting around these people so I know how and what it is.
  15. What do you mean? Not sure I understand the question. If you are asking about meditation, then it was Vipassana.