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About ElenaO

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  • Birthday May 29

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    Seattle, USA
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  1. It's insane how addicted one can become to a person. I've been having very uncomfortable moments for the last few weeks because of falling in love with a guy. I don't think he is sharing the same obsession. It hurts!! Anyway, today I got pissed off because of him being late, and told him a few things straight up. Now I think this is over. He didn't even try to say sorry. He probably has a big ego, just like I do. Now it sucks and hurts... Oh well, I guess I'll have to deal with this.
  2. I now started to understand the idea behind feeling into your emotions. It's extremely empowering if you can actually sit with them and not run away, avoid, distract yourself. You just observe them and let them be. I find it hard to do that though if you are trying to concentrate on your work, for instance. I feel like I am better off just switching attention to that particular emotion until it passes. But that, of course, creates more emotions, such as anxiety, because you are supposed to work and get shit done, but instead you are sitting there noticing your emotions. So it's a battle.
  3. Getting a girlfriend may seem super intimidating if you've never done it. But once you are out there taking even small action, it will eventually happen. Just start.
  4. I realize now that the less you do during the day, the more you let yourself relax, the harder it is to get shit done later. Yesterday I managed to get tons of stuff done, which definitely wasn't easy, but felt so awesome afterwards. And I slept like dead without waking up! Which is an accomplishment. Moral of the story: do the hard things and you'll get your reward. Don't do it and suffer. Pick your poison.
  5. I've lots quite a few pets when I was a kid. It's very tough. Especially when you are young and they mean the whole world to you. I've also lost grandparents and a parent and that has been a brutal experience. I've been going through a heartbreak just now myself. And I have to say that experiencing emotions is hard hard work!! I don't know why it hurts so much, but it just does. When I sob I feel like everything inside me is hurting. And I can literally start crying in an instant. However, that's a good thing. The alternative is way worse. Sending sympathy and love towards you, Natasha! <3
  6. Letting go is so powerful, when I try to let go S and make myself realize that it's for the better. I am fighting against reality. This is what is meant to happen, so might as well reconcile with the reality. Even though there's resistance every time I do that. Even now I say that and I feel tension in my legs and belly. I don’t want to let him go. Tears well up in my eyes when I think about it. But thinking about good parts of letting him go, make it easier. I would not go to sleep late. I would feel refreshed. Ultimately, we are different. We have different aspirations. What I also realized is that I am teaching him. And nagging I guess. So have to increase awareness already only because of this. I had two dreams today. At least two. They were nightmares. This is the theme that perpetually repeats itself. One was about some guy (I think it was Aman Yadav, my school teammate, not sure why him). He was asking me about an issue that I was having at work. Apparently in my dream he's my teammate at work. He asked, Elena, so how is it going with that issue? And I replied: well, it's still not resolved. This issue eludes me. I haven't solved it. And didn't give him a clear definite "I will solve it". Also, in my own eyes, I didn't give him a compassion and my sorry about not solving him. And I feel like I don't care if I lose a job. So I see him leaving with a fret on his face. And suddenly this fear inside of me arises. He's going to report and provide bad feedback about me to higher ups and I will get fired! Intense feeling of fear encompasses me. Another one. I am still working but in a weird office, with different hats on the walls, not sure why. Maybe because only yesterday I was thinking I could change my style of dressing. So there's these interesting women hats on the shelves and I am looking at them. And there's even some women wearing this hat right next to me. It's all in the office, so she's probably my coworker. Anyways, it seems I am distracted from work with all this hats and other things. Maybe even some sexual arousal. Not sure why. Probably again thinking about S. Now, suddenly and I am looking around and I see my brother standing in the office. And he's called ambulance, as I understand. And I am like, what happened, what's going on. And he replies, I've cut my arm! And then I see that there he stands with his arm cut at the wrist (no blood dropping for some reason). His hand/palm is laying on the floor behind him. And I feel this intense feeling of worry and fear for my brother. And I am thinking or even telling him we got to put the hand into the ice. And in the experience I am feeling: I hope this is a dream! Is it a dream??? I really really really hope this is a dream! And then I wake up. I remember when my father was taken to the hospital with a stroke I also had the same reaction: is this a dream? Please let this be a dream. But it wasn't… Each time I have a nightmare it involves my family members. I guess I am so afraid about them and it would hurt me so much, that amongst the most intense fears I have is losing them or seeing them hurt.
  7. Motivation and its triggers I was listening to Leo Gura's video on the power of asking questions and he had a set of great ones to ponder on. One of them was about what motivates you to become better and vice versa. I think that's a wonderful question. I notice that if I get into the negative self-talk, things start going downward spiral. On the other hand, the more positive thoughts I have, the more motivated I am. The key is to get yourself out of the negative rumination. Being conscious of it when that happens is another challenge. Eating crap or anything else I do not approve of, sets me off on a wrong path. Again, becoming conscious of it and stopping the self-criticism is a saviour. Or doing something hard again, which will let me pat myself on the back — good girl, now you are doing it right! Who is this prude within me anyway? Can I let it ever go? Sleeping in is another one. It's again self-talk: oh, come on, now you wasted almost all of your morning! There's something to be done every single day, or else you'll feel the guilt. And maybe it is true. We do have to have a ton load of things to get done if we want to move forward. Today I also reminded myself that we got to be grateful every single day for being alive. I've caught cold and I realized that it's some virus trying to survive and to inhabit my body, so I am in danger, even if not in a serious one, but yet. I am grateful I do not lay in bed somewhere in a hospital wondering if I'll be breathing tomorrow morning. What else motivates me is getting out of my routine, going travelling, doing something I really like. And maybe sometimes I don't really like. Changing things around puts things into perspective. Things that absolutely uninspire me is sickness. I immediately jump into victim mentality mode and start moaning: why oh why am I sick again? If I would see this from a different angle, it would be such a relieve. How about learning something from it? How can I improve and grow myself from this experience? For instance, I could start taking cold showers. Become anti-fragile, as Siim Land says. What puts me down is jealousy. I look at other people around me and come up with ideas of why I cannot be like them and why I cannot let myself do things as they do allow themselves. One of them is not allowing myself to talk to others because I need to get things done. Well, that's because someone put the idea into my head that providing value is *the* most important thing. And I guess it is, if you want to survive. But perhaps being social wouldn't hurt. Instead, it would empower me. I could be both social, charismatic, and get things done. In short, doing the right things motivates me. Doing the wrong things starts the downward spiral. Unless I am vigilant enough to note that and put an it to an end. Meditation and awareness, as result, is the key. What motivates you? What sets you back?
  8. Fear of not belonging to anyone or anything. Fear of living my life and being of no use. Fear of being mediocre.
  9. It's good you are aware of your issue. I think it's natural to be more reserved and not as spontaneous when there's some skin in the game. You do like the guy, so you are more afraid to lose him, rather than losing someone who you don't care about as much. I think small steps definitely help. Just like in anything. Dare to do small things that push your comfort zone every date. It can be something like moving in a way that you are not used to move, saying something you wouldn't usually say, being playful. Be courageous. I know it's tough. I struggle with this myself. But if you want the guy, I think it's worth to make yourself do a little work.
  10. Thanks for the report and insights. Loved it. Every time I read something like this, I get the genuine desire to do psychedelics. These experiences are truly beautiful.
  11. I think Wim Hof's method doesn't promote emotional healing or any sort of spiritual development. It's done just for a few rounds and I doubt you can achieve any breakthroughs in such a short session. So they have perhaps different goals.
  12. Thanks for sharing. Will definitely check it out.
  13. Interesting, I'll have to read on it. From what I've heard earlier Wim Hf's method is meant for shorter periods not a 3 hour session and it's more specific about how you have to breath. I've been in a short session and it definitely didn't look the same to me.
  14. Well this event wasn't related to Wim Hof's technique.
  15. I would do it, but it also depends a lot on how ready you are for it. Of course, there's an option to stop at any point - just open your eyes and come back to normal breathing. I will try this on my own and report here.