lennart

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About lennart

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  1. Day 104: 20 min sitting meditation Green smoothie βœ… Notes: today I met with a girl I really like and I even have the feeling she might like me too but I am just way too nervous and uncomfortable being around her. I have a lot of anxiety Day 105: 20 min prayer: My muscles were tensed which caused pain but I sat down anyway. At first it was hard but then after a while I became more tranquil. Unfortunately my tensed muscles didnt relax. Green smoothie: 1 1/2bananas, handful of spinach, oats, cacao nibs, coconut flakes, 2 tsp super greens, handful of blueberries, 1 tsp guarana, 2 tbsp prebiotics with oatmilk. πŸ‘πŸ‘ Notes currently my social anxiety is at its worst I would say. I am tensed as soon as I wake up all day long. Everything takes a lot of effort and I feel constantly overstimulated. I hope this will get better over time. Day 106: Green smoothie: 1 1/2bananas, handful of spinach, oats, cacao nibs, coconut flakes, 2 tsp super greens, handful of blueberries, 1 tsp guarana, 2 tbsp prebiotics with oatmilk. 20 min prayer: First I had bad posture. My back was hunched over. When I erected my spine I could notice a difference in alertness. My muscles also relaxed a little bit. Day 107: 15 min prayer: I tried to really focus on the words which made it easier to relax. But my stomach pain and head ache kept distracting me. No smoothie but I ate pretty clean: brussel sprouts, aspargus, green salad woth rocket, Day 108: 20 min: first I wanted to focus on my breath but then these nasty body sensations came again. My body tensed. Then I switched to alternate nostril breathing which worked a little bit better. I really dont understand why I have this feeling all the time. I wasnt even in a stressful situation.... Smoothie: ❌ Day 109: 30 min holosync: This meditation was really bodily: I was feeling nauseas before. When I sat down I wanted my posture to be very errect. The feeling of nausea become heavier in my chest. I tried to go into it by breathing deeper which made it go away. Then my posture adjusted itself so my body could relax more. Then I thought about a few friends I hadnt had contact with since a while and I thought about his problems with drugs and I thought I should contact him. Smoothie: lettuce, banana, blueberries, coconut flakes, cocoa nibs, avocado oil, water, oatmilk, oats, super greens, guarana, broccoli sprouts. Damn Day 110: 20 min prayer: meditated in the morning was better than usual. With open windows so I could hear the birds chirp which was awesome. Now I will go to the sauna and afterwards I will drink my green smoothie daaayum. Notes: The beginning of this week were very hard. I have this thing where I have really uncomfortable tension in my body when I am in overwhelming social situations which is almost every situation in university... But on the weekend I could relax. And the sauna helped it made me really tired so I could rest.
  2. Day 97: Smoothie: banana, Kiwi, cocoa nibs, lettuce, water, tasty Meditation: Guided by leo, neck pain was distracting and very irritating, tried to let go Day 98: green shake. Tasted awful Guided meditation from Leo: I think guided meditations arent for me. My mind tends to be more active when I listen to them. Day 99: 15 min just sitting: It took me a while to even get to a place where I could meditate. I was so stressed when I came home from work. Now I feel much calmer and less tensed. But it is weird that as soon I sit down to meditate my neck knots up. I can feel how it slowly tenses up. I have no Idea why. Made myself a smoothie with: banana, cucumber, blueberry, pear, lettuce and oatmilk πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹. I want to start mixing in some wild herbs. 100: first I did 15 min while listening to meditation music. Then later I did 15 more minutes focusing on my breath and later sounds. Both pretty enjoyable. Had a smoothie with cucumber, pear, chocolate nibs, coconut flakes, oat milk, oats, banana and dried dandalion. Very nice flavour Day 101: Green shake: super green powder, prebiotics with water 15 min mindfulness: trying to be aware of my breath and other body sensations. Day 102: Green shake 20 min breathing: I got carried away by thoughts alot but I refocused again and again. I guess thats were the growth happens... After 10/15 min my left shoulder tensed up. This somehow always happens. I was actually calm. Day 103: 20 min sitting on bed: tried to focus on the breathing. Had very little back pain but felt very foggy. The sound of my breathing calmed me and kind of hypnotized me. Notes: my diet is a little bit off right now. Which I want to fix in the next week. Also my screen time is way too high. I want to write also what went well and what didnt in the notes: What I want to do better next week: less screen time, (not more than 3 h per day), making a green smoothie with fresh greens and fruits, less porn ... What went well: Meditated very consistently. Went out with friends more.
  3. Alright guys the last few weeks were a little bit all over the place. I was travelling a lot. I am currently on holydays in a group situation and it is a little bit hard to be consistent with my smoothie habit but I kept doing the meditation. I did the holosync in bed before or after sleep. But I have to say that I mostly fell asleep. I will not go into the seperate days I will summerize it. I recognize how important it is to have adequate sleep. I felt very unstable when I had bad sleep and today I feel much better because I slept more. I am trying to get my green smoothie every day which is kind of hard because I sleep with a lot of people in one room and I kind of dont want to be that guy who pulls out his green smoothie powder everyday which is kind of stupid but anyway. Today is the last day which means from tomorrow on I can have a pretty normal rythm again.
  4. Holosync is a company that makes binaurel beat soundtracks. I could have said holosync BREATHING because I was doing breath awereness at the same time but most of the time I am just listening to holosync..
  5. Day 77 green smoothie from the store 30 min holosync in bed: very relaxing Day 78: green smoothie: cucumber, kiwi, bone broth cocoa nibs, banana: a little bit too salty because of bone broth (I bough at the supermarket) 30 min holosync: before I had mervous energy in my chest. After I was more relaxed and calm. During the meditation Sometimes thoughts popped up and I noticed how they were producing stress so I released them. Day 79: green shake 30 min holosync Day 80: green shake 30 min holosync. This time my back was very painful. Maybe I need to adjust my posture. Most of the time I am leaning against the wall Day 81: Green shake 30 min holosync: significant reduction of anxiety after about 10 min. Unfortunately after 20 min my back started to hurt. Day 82: 30 min holosync: After some minutes I became really relaxed and calm to the point were I almost fell a sleep. I sat on my cushion without back support which worked really well. Much better than sitting against a wall. green shake again notes: have been going outside a little bit more. Have been going to a park near my flat. Was really enjoyable. have a good time guys and merry christmas 😊
  6. notes: Was having loads of stress because of my architecture deadlines... But now I am freee!! And I really want to go more outside cause I am definitely not getting enough sunlight. So maybe I will do a 30 day challenge to go in nature everyday for an hour or so.
  7. Day 71: - green smoothie: cucumber, pear, banana, avocado, water - 30 min holosync: could sit with almost no pain Day 72: - green smoothie: bone broth, cucumber, pears, cocoa nibs, - 15 min prayer and then letting go Day 73: - green smoothie: same as yesterday - 30 min holosync Day74: - green smoothie βœ… - 15 min prayer Day 75: - green smoothie: raw goat milk, kiwi, cucumber, cocoa nibs, blueberries - 15 min: first I did prayer . But I had a lot of nervous energy in my chest and stomach. I then tried to identify it and calm it down. Day 76: - green smoothie: avocado, alfalfa sprouts, goat milk, kiwi. Not very tasty - 30 min holosync in bed. I really wanted to fall asleep because I was very tired. But I forced myself to stay awake.
  8. Day 63: 30 min: Holosync. Was very tensed and emotional before and the holosync definitely soothed it. πŸ‘πŸ‘ Green shake with super greens and guarana Day 64: 30 min Holosync. Had some flashbacks to my mdma trip a few months ago which was very enlightening to me. I remembered how I could perceive other people as they are and not with my distorted self image. This was so huge for me because I have social anxiety and it gave me so much hope that this it is possible to feel that way. Other than that I tried to relax my body. No green smoothie. Instead a big bowl of salad, brussel sprouts and salmon. I also made myself some keto friendly bread today Day 65: green shake with super greens and guarana 30 min Holosync: It was very late and I was really tired. For the first 20 min I sat then I layed down because my neck started to hurt. After some time my mind started to calm down more and the holosync sounds were more predominant in my experience. Day 66 30 min holosync: Again I had this annoying pain in my nexk as soon as I layed down. Super greens, turmeric, guarana, reishi powder with almond milk Day 67: 30 min holosync: sat on my bed and started to relax. Worked fine but also almost fell asleep Same smoothie as yesterday Day 68 30 min holosync in the bath tub: got a little uncomfortable in there. But could relax a little and get into meditative state. Green shake: turmeric, reishi powder, almond milk, super greens Day 69: Holosync meditation Green shake Day 70: drank a green smoothie from the supermarket and also bought 18 liters of clean mineral water which I want to drink over the next 9 days or to See which effects this will have on my body. 30 min holosync: first I sat up but it hurt too much in my back and neck. So I layed down notes: went to a qi gong class today which opened my body up a little bit. also started to look into water quality.
  9. Blog Day 56: green shake: super green, guarana, water and lemon juice 15 min prayer of saint francis. It was difficult to focus because I was sleepy and I had a headache. But continued trying. Day 57 green smoothie from the store 15 min prayer of saint francis. At one point I could be the observer which was cool. Day 58 15 min prayer: had a painful neck which pulled my attention. But I could relax and let it go for a while. Super greens with water Day 59 20 min prayer: my body was really tensed and I dont even know why. I kept concentrating on the prayer and towards the end the tension decreased a bit. Green smoothie with: super green, guarana, banana, cucumber, mct oil, butter and water. The butter thing is from Dave Asprey. Day 60 17 min Holosync until my mom got into my room. She didnt even realized that Inwas meditating and just continued talking to me πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. super green 2 tsp with oat milk Day 61: - 30 min Holosync. Got me feeling chilled out - no smoothie. notes: looks like I forgot to record a day. The media challenge was kind off working. I ended up researching a lot of biohacking stuff. Read a lot of articles but very little youtube which is a progress for me.
  10. Day 1 yesterday: 2/10. I think I just got tired of fapping haha
  11. Relapsed again yesterday
  12. Day 49: 15 min sitting still and relaxing the body. It worked until my body repelled and got tense again πŸ˜…. But it does something Super greens 2 tsp, maca 1 tsp in a glass of warm oatmilk. Its more convenient than making a smoothie which is very loud etc. Day 50: green smoothie from the store 10 min meditation letting go Day 51: green smoothie with greens fruits, and some powders. ( I am getting a little bit tired of listing all the ingriedients πŸ˜„) If someone is interested in those please say it then I will continue 15 min meditation: I think in todays meditation I understood alot about my negative emotions and why they exist: I was feeling very noxious and had a really painful feeling in my chest and stomach. In my meditation I realized that this came from feeling guilty because I am the only one in my family who works on himself and has a sense of wanting to grow and that makes me feel guilty because I am sorry for my parents and my brother that they will not grow very much because they dont want to or dont know that it is possible in the sense that Leo talks about it. I couldnt really dissolve the emotion but I could feel into it and try to allow it. Day 52: ( 15) repeated the prayer of Francis from Assisi in my mind: Lord, make me an instrument of your peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is discord, union; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy."O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life." Amen. First I read it from my phone but after a few times I could remember it in my mind. I already once learned it. Made my own bone broth yesterday. Had a cup of that this morningπŸ˜‹. Day 53: 15 min: prayer of francis of Assisi. I really like these verses. The give me a sense of positivity and goodness. When I repeat them I think about how I will put these things into action. Green shake with: super greens, guarana, honey and oatmilk Day 54 green smoothie with: banana, cucumber, tangerine, sage, kale and almond mik 10 min. Repeating prayer. Was really tired and couldnt really focus. Day 55: 10 min: prayer of saint francis: It lost track a few times and tried to remember the lines. I always came back to it and tried to stay focused πŸ’ͺ. + 10 min headspace. I am thinking about buying the course. Green shake with: super greens, guarana, honey and water Notes: My current struggles are: - social anxiety - chronic stomach pain - and just missing my curiosity and sense of awe/ meaningfulness. I also struggle with a subtle phone addiction. So I thought I will do a 7 days experiment to limit my recreational screen time to 30 minutes per day.
  13. Fucked up today... again. It turns out that watching just β€ž1β€œ porn is a dangerous business....
  14. Day 1: 2/10 Day 2: 5/10 Day 3 9/10
  15. Relapsed yesterday and today πŸ™„πŸ™„. This is really hard. I will try to do at least 21 days that would be huge. But I always feel after about 8 days that I just have to do it. πŸ˜‘