lennart

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About lennart

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    London
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  1. Day 63: 30 min: Holosync. Was very tensed and emotional before and the holosync definitely soothed it. πŸ‘πŸ‘ Green shake with super greens and guarana Day 64: 30 min Holosync. Had some flashbacks to my mdma trip a few months ago which was very enlightening to me. I remembered how I could perceive other people as they are and not with my distorted self image. This was so huge for me because I have social anxiety and it gave me so much hope that this it is possible to feel that way. Other than that I tried to relax my body. No green smoothie. Instead a big bowl of salad, brussel sprouts and salmon. I also made myself some keto friendly bread today Day 65: green shake with super greens and guarana 30 min Holosync: It was very late and I was really tired. For the first 20 min I sat then I layed down because my neck started to hurt. After some time my mind started to calm down more and the holosync sounds were more predominant in my experience. Day 66 30 min holosync: Again I had this annoying pain in my nexk as soon as I layed down. Super greens, turmeric, guarana, reishi powder with almond milk Day 67: 30 min holosync: sat on my bed and started to relax. Worked fine but also almost fell asleep Same smoothie as yesterday Day 68 30 min holosync in the bath tub: got a little uncomfortable in there. But could relax a little and get into meditative state. Green shake: turmeric, reishi powder, almond milk, super greens Day 69: Holosync meditation Green shake Day 70: drank a green smoothie from the supermarket and also bought 18 liters of clean mineral water which I want to drink over the next 9 days or to See which effects this will have on my body. 30 min holosync: first I sat up but it hurt too much in my back and neck. So I layed down notes: went to a qi gong class today which opened my body up a little bit. also started to look into water quality.
  2. Blog Day 56: green shake: super green, guarana, water and lemon juice 15 min prayer of saint francis. It was difficult to focus because I was sleepy and I had a headache. But continued trying. Day 57 green smoothie from the store 15 min prayer of saint francis. At one point I could be the observer which was cool. Day 58 15 min prayer: had a painful neck which pulled my attention. But I could relax and let it go for a while. Super greens with water Day 59 20 min prayer: my body was really tensed and I dont even know why. I kept concentrating on the prayer and towards the end the tension decreased a bit. Green smoothie with: super green, guarana, banana, cucumber, mct oil, butter and water. The butter thing is from Dave Asprey. Day 60 17 min Holosync until my mom got into my room. She didnt even realized that Inwas meditating and just continued talking to me πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. super green 2 tsp with oat milk Day 61: - 30 min Holosync. Got me feeling chilled out - no smoothie. notes: looks like I forgot to record a day. The media challenge was kind off working. I ended up researching a lot of biohacking stuff. Read a lot of articles but very little youtube which is a progress for me.
  3. Day 1 yesterday: 2/10. I think I just got tired of fapping haha
  4. Relapsed again yesterday
  5. Day 49: 15 min sitting still and relaxing the body. It worked until my body repelled and got tense again πŸ˜…. But it does something Super greens 2 tsp, maca 1 tsp in a glass of warm oatmilk. Its more convenient than making a smoothie which is very loud etc. Day 50: green smoothie from the store 10 min meditation letting go Day 51: green smoothie with greens fruits, and some powders. ( I am getting a little bit tired of listing all the ingriedients πŸ˜„) If someone is interested in those please say it then I will continue 15 min meditation: I think in todays meditation I understood alot about my negative emotions and why they exist: I was feeling very noxious and had a really painful feeling in my chest and stomach. In my meditation I realized that this came from feeling guilty because I am the only one in my family who works on himself and has a sense of wanting to grow and that makes me feel guilty because I am sorry for my parents and my brother that they will not grow very much because they dont want to or dont know that it is possible in the sense that Leo talks about it. I couldnt really dissolve the emotion but I could feel into it and try to allow it. Day 52: ( 15) repeated the prayer of Francis from Assisi in my mind: Lord, make me an instrument of your peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is discord, union; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy."O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life." Amen. First I read it from my phone but after a few times I could remember it in my mind. I already once learned it. Made my own bone broth yesterday. Had a cup of that this morningπŸ˜‹. Day 53: 15 min: prayer of francis of Assisi. I really like these verses. The give me a sense of positivity and goodness. When I repeat them I think about how I will put these things into action. Green shake with: super greens, guarana, honey and oatmilk Day 54 green smoothie with: banana, cucumber, tangerine, sage, kale and almond mik 10 min. Repeating prayer. Was really tired and couldnt really focus. Day 55: 10 min: prayer of saint francis: It lost track a few times and tried to remember the lines. I always came back to it and tried to stay focused πŸ’ͺ. + 10 min headspace. I am thinking about buying the course. Green shake with: super greens, guarana, honey and water Notes: My current struggles are: - social anxiety - chronic stomach pain - and just missing my curiosity and sense of awe/ meaningfulness. I also struggle with a subtle phone addiction. So I thought I will do a 7 days experiment to limit my recreational screen time to 30 minutes per day.
  6. Fucked up today... again. It turns out that watching just β€ž1β€œ porn is a dangerous business....
  7. Day 1: 2/10 Day 2: 5/10 Day 3 9/10
  8. Relapsed yesterday and today πŸ™„πŸ™„. This is really hard. I will try to do at least 21 days that would be huge. But I always feel after about 8 days that I just have to do it. πŸ˜‘
  9. We are only doing this for 30 days! At least I am. Its an experiment!
  10. Day 6: 6/10 getting a little bit harder... Day7: 4/10
  11. Day 5: 5/10
  12. Day 42: green shake: water, Maca, guarana super greens Breath (10): a lot of sexual fantasies in the beginning towards the end I could calm down a little bit more. Day 43: Green smoothie with cucumber, maca, super green, guarana, cacao nibs, 1 kiwi, 1 orange, habful of spinach and a little bit mct oil. 10 min: focused on relaxing my body. Day 44 greens smoothie: Cucumber, super green, maca, guarana, cocoa, spinach, coconut oil, chia seeds, 10 min: relaxing the body and feeling. At one point I thought about the whole β€žtragedyβ€œ of death: β€žwhy do all this when one day me and everybody else will die?β€œ Then I realized that right now I live and that it doesnt make any sense to fear death. I had to laugh... Day 45: green smoothie with: lettuce, mint leafs, cocoa nibs, maca, guarana and super greens, cucumber, pear and oat milk. Freestyle (15): didnt do any technique in particular other than trying to still the body and especially the eyes. It worked and my mind became more still aswell. 46: 15 min sds: tried not to move at all. Became more and more still. Smoothie: lettuce, cocoa nibs, maca, guarana, super greens, chia seeds, oatmilk, cashews, kurkuma, carrot Day 47: meditation: (15) did some freestyle. No agenda in mind. I had some back pain. Tried to still the body. Still body=still mind. Worked only partially. Havent had my green smoothie. Thinking about not drinking one today. If I will I will write it later. Notes: I missed to write my notes on wednesday but I did the exercises. I am currently going to the sauna regularly for the past 2 weeks which is really good but I think I will do a pause because I am not fully recovered from my cold and the sauna straines the body... And I started no fap which seems very promising.
  13. Day 3: 4/10. Day 4: 6/10. Morning urges... Still not that hard but my confidence and self esteem is kind of low right now. Hope that will improve.
  14. Day 1 (yesterday): 2/10. I am motivated to start over because I could really tell a difference. Day 2: 2/10 been very busy....
  15. Day 9: - relapsed ... will start again tomorrow.