Zigzag Idiot

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  1. Last night I had prolonged and detailed dream of traveling to Houston regularly. For some reason I had taken up bull riding in rodeos. Yesterday I got my old 1995 1/2 ton 4w drive Chevy running again. It hadn’t been started in 7 years. I put another fuel pump and filter in it and it started right up. In 2017 I had stopped to patch some barbed wire fence on top of a large hill. I failed to set the emergency brake and let it roll off a hill and crash into a wooded area. That was a strange feeling to turn back to where the truck was parked only to see it rolling off down the hill with increasing speed. I dug it out of the woods with a front bumper and windshield completely destroyed. Amazingly the motor was intact and even the radiator I had installed just a week prior was spared.
  2. The Science of Idiotism is about the hindrances to becoming a Self Realized Being, plus other stuff. The term Idiot here is drawing an the old Greek usage of it as: being oneself,,unpretentious ,,,, But it is used also simultaneously as the standard modern usage of fool because until we 'have our Being', life is experienced on the emotional pendulum connected with dualistic thinking and we are pretty much just a torture to the world, of some kind or other. I used to be an a epic complainer in addition to Alcoholic and coward. After that, I went around depressed and with a long sad face because I couldn't drink alcohol and party it up forever. Some people can but I realized I couldn't. The Science of Idiotism is a little known teaching from the mystic George Gurdjieff. Bruno Martins - The Realized Idiot - is about the only book written solely about The Science of Idiotism. It's very good. I recommend it. You can find a little here and there with a google search. Zigzag idiot is #9 on the Ladder of Reason. Of all the Idiots, I thought this one made the best screen name. I've been working on my self for a few years doing self inquiry. Keeping this Journal out here in front of God and everybody meshes well with the Gurdjieff work of Self Observation and Self Remembering. The whole lot of us are just bad full of bullshit, says Gurdjieff. Justifying,,, self deception,,, Kundabuffer he called it in his book Beelzebub's Tales To His Grandson. I really like AH Almaas's The Diamond Approach. It's Gurdjieff,,, modernized plus psychological explanation of things like our defenses against inadequacy. Is it a schizoid splitting off and sticking ones head in the sand? or do we employ a Grandiose self to shield against inadequacy. This work which includes, very much processing our shadow material can be very painful and destabilizing. Being light hearted can amount to good strategy if it can be sincere and natural. This Work teaches we project any repressed guilt we may have out onto others. I've observed this in myself over time. Also, we don't have to be negative. The practice of not expressing negative emotions has shown me the existence of my own spiritual sleep. We wake up and although might never sleep as deeply again, spiritually, we take naps as E.J. Gold put it. It's very difficult sometimes to just simply feel , without repressing negative emotions and not give expression to them. It pays out big dividends in 'spiritual coin' though. Remind me of this, if, in later post, I go off on a angry emotional rant.
  3. It doesn't matter what genre. It doesn't have to be inspirational. It doesn't need to be explained. Everything is welcome. Sad, goofy, angry, happy, inspirational, weird, profound, profane, etc.,,,,
  4. A small passage from my I-Ching consultation yesterday,,, This line can also refer to a person who, in following a spiritual path, has not experienced the benefits he expected. Instead of questioning whether he has been following the correct path, he interprets the counsel "to return" as saying that he has not tried hard enough, and needs to try harder. He must recognize that a spiritual path, as described in the main text, is a forward-leading path that leads to more and more separation from his true self, as he tries to become something special (i.e., a "spiritual being"). The path of return indicated by this hexagram is the path of divesting oneself of all self-images and attempts to be special. The person needs also to rid himself of the blame spell he has put on himself for not doing enough. (See p. 550, Deprogramming Procedure.) Pertinent correlation from Almaas’ Teaching- Ending Up with a Mental Image for an Identity An important question remains unanswered: Why, when Being or its aspect of space is lost, is what remains nothingness and not something else? In other words, why do we end up with emptiness and not another content of experience? To answer this question we have to discuss the point at which psychodynamics touches phenomenology. We need to see how psychodynamic processes—which are processes in time—affect felt phenomena—which always involve spatially experienced objects of perception. We first consider how specifically the loss of space leads to deficient emptiness.pace is lost as the mind takes self-image for identity. We have seen that this leads to the building of boundaries in the openness of space. The final result is that instead of the experience of Being without mental images, one ends up with a mental image for an identity. So instead of space being pervaded by Being it gets filled with a self composed of many self-representations. Now, what is the phenomenon of space when it is filled with the self? In other words, what is the mind filled with the psychic structure? On the surface it is the usual experience of the personality with its various manifestations. But, at the core, it is the deficient emptiness. The Void, pg. 135 We Know Ourselves From the Veil of Memory The mental images and attitudes that determine how we experience ourselves form the basis of a whole implicit worldview. We also experience ourselves only indirectly, as a subject experiencing an object. We are aware of ourselves as an object like other objects, seeing ourselves in the world as one object among others. Even when one is aware of oneself as perceiver or subject, this perception is different from the direct sense of our facticity, from the fact of our existence. We still know ourselves from the veil of memory. The Point of Existence, pg. 21
  5. Wart removal for a butchered rabbit Modern day health care needn't be so complicated. When I was a boy of about 15. Doctor Fried, the family Doctor removed a couple of warts off my hand. He actually burned them off with a tool that looked like a sortering iron. My mother did his bookkeeping. So I was around him more than usual. When he got done, he said, " How about you butcher one of your rabbits and bring to me". I said. "No problem. He knew I was in the rabbit business. I started raising rabbits when I was about 12 years old. I usually sold live rabbits to a buyer when they were about 10 -12 weeks old. One thing that stuck with me about raising rabbits is shoveling the manure from under the hutches would absolutely cleanse and drain your sinuses. I guess its ammonia that comes out of the manure piles. Breath very much at all and your nose will be running and your eyes will tear. Here's a short article that is quite good. https://online.diamondapproach.org/harmony-of-centers/
  6. I'm being lazy and answering the question with quotes out of the Ridhwan Glossary. But let me first start by saying I don't know! But I'm leery of all this talk about imagination. Unconstrained imagination bolsters self deception. Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. Here's some food for thought though from the mind of A.H. Almaas Self-Aware Consciousness At some point, however, you come to the recognition of what we call “essential truth.” Essential truth is not an insight about something but the apprehending of the immediate reality of the moment. This immediate reality is presence—the quality of beingness—as when one is experiencing an essential aspect, such as Compassion or Strength. We find out here that one of the most important characteristics of essential presence is that it is self-aware consciousness. Absolute Being So when we say Absolute, we mean Being -- Essence with no qualities, before qualities come into Being. Then you know it's the source of everything, because you see everything arising from it. Diamond Heart Book Three, pg. 165 Absolute Dimension Because the absolute is not simply nonbeing, we experience it as a field, an expanse, and not simply nonbeing. To understand this we need to make a particular differentiation explicit. We have been using two terms interchangeably, namely absolute and absolute dimension. Strictly speaking, the absolute is the ultimate nature of Reality, and it is beyond dimensions; for dimensions are the experience of manifestation. Yet, we do experience the absolute as a dimension, boundless and infinite, an infinity that contains and holds all manifestation, including the other boundless dimensions. We can say that the absolute is the unmanifest, the ultimate truth and mystery of Being, beyond all dimensions and qualities. But when it begins to manifest appearance, this manifestation appears as if in an expanse, an infinite and boundless expanse, that looks like black space. Manifestation appears always in the context of time and space. It always possesses an expanse in time and space. Therefore, when we witness appearance from this stance of the absolute we see an expanse appearing in a more vast, dark expanse, the absolute. We have the sense of the absolute as an expanse, as a vast infinite black space. The absolute appears in this perception as a boundless dimension that underlies all other dimensions. But in reality the absolute is beyond space and time, for it is beyond manifestation. The Inner Journey Home, pg. 394
  7. Hey Brotherman, It's been a while,,,, Terence Mckenna made note of something that I also found to be similar with me. When I get off cannabis, My dreamworld becomes much richer, When I'm smoking cannabis regularly,,, I don't have that vivid of dreams. Mckenna hypothesized that the daytime hours was filled with more revery. Thus , the subconscious was accessed throughout the day, relieving surplus pressures ,,, for lack of a better way of saying it. Drop in and visit if you feel like it, Take care!
  8. Sometimes I’m just a horrible human being. My tendency to exaggerate when I write doesn’t really help that much. Hyperbole adds flavor but I’m noticing at times the negative influence it has. The power that language has in its influencing both one’s outer world and inner world as well. It’s been a bit of a blind spot of mine perhaps. A favorite Zen story or Koan ,,, The Voice of Happiness After Bankei had passed away, a blind man who lived near the master's temple told a friend; Since I am blind, I cannot watch a person's face, so I must judge his character by the sound of his voice. Ordinarily when I hear someone congradulate another upon his happiness or success, I also hear a secret tone of envy. When condolence is expressed for the misfortune of another, I hear pleasure and satisfaction, as if the one condoling was really glad there was something left to gain in his own world. "In all my experience, however, Bankei's voice was always sincere. Whenever he expressed happiness, I heard nothing but happiness, and whenever he expressed sorrow, sorrow was all I heard."
  9. Overcoming cynicism I’m looking at my progess over a period of a 20 years. Twenty years ago my spiritual egotism was intact with buffers protecting and perpetuating the condition of what some call spiritual materialism. Around that time I had encountered a Teacher of the Fourth Way (esoteric Christianity). He pointed out,at various times, the presence of my inner Pharisee, which, by the way is synonymous with a Zen Devil or spiritual materialist. Guilt perpetuates self condemnation and as a result we extend that judgement to everyone we encounter. This projection stains our entire world. Self forgiveness sets everyone else free from our own condemnation. How wonderful it feels to discover everyone’s innocence including our own. The discovery of this state of consciousness is transient at first but to return to it is synonymous with what Gurdjieff called Self-Remembering. Everything in one’s perceptual field becomes vivified. You become lighthearted.
  10. My I-Ching reading today. A part of it anyway. Hexagram 3 Line 5. Difficulties in blessing. A little perseverance brings good fortune. Great perseverance brings misfortune. Here, the difficulties encountered refer to the retreat of the Sage that occurs when the ego takes over a person's work on developing himself. The ego hopes, through ambitious and pious work, to be recognized by the Sage as "spiritual." The meaning of "a little perseverance" is to approach liberating the true self with modesty. This means not to forget to live one's life joyfully. The ego, in its striving, would drive the person to ascetic extremes and deprivations. This is the meaning of "great perseverance brings misfortune." The problem with the idea of "being spiritual" is that it contains all the self-flattery that maintains the ego as leader of the personality.It further divides a person's true nature into a higher and lower self, splitting his wholeness and placing spells on what is believed to be his"lower,"" or animal nature. Accepting this idea creates a fate, which is usually that of illness. This line can also indicate a person whose progress is blocked due to mistaken beliefs about the purpose of human life. It can refer to human-centered beliefs such as: "I have to do it all, "humans are the representatives of heaven on earth, "humans are responsible for making everything work," and "for creating order in the world." Such difficulties in blessing can be erased if he asks the Sage to help him rid himself of these mistaken beliefs. This will engage the Helper of Transformation to remove the blocks created by these phrases in his inner program.
  11. Being authentic is overrated This goes against a basic premise I had when this Journal was started. I see the truth in what she says.
  12. Do cats have linguistic awareness? I wouldn’t think so. Do cats have non-conceptual awareness? This sounds more likely. I just don't know, really. Just imaginative conjecture on my part.
  13. @Francis777 I do that too. Welcome! If you prefer to not have comments from others. Just let us know.
  14. Two Alejandro Jodorowski movies El Topo Holy Mountain They are very weird. I think it wa El Topo that John Lennon financed a theater in New York City to have it run as a midnight movie for quite a while.
  15. @Ash55 @mmKay I think that's fine. It's good of you to express authentically.in a way that may make you stand out as vulnerable. I'm impressed with his ability to speak off-the cuff. But at other times he seems like an arrogant dick. Juxtaposed to that though, he admits his own self-deception. Like many of us. If you were to spend some time alone with the guy. Other unknown aspects of his being/persona would be experienced.
  16. Been more than once in my life that I was crying and eating. People were looking at me like something was wrong. Well, there was something wrong. I was grieving but at the same time it coincided with an appetite with hunger pangs. I intuited that people were judging me for shoveling down food right after had received very distressing information. There I was trying to chew and swallow a mouthful of food and cry at the same time. Where is it written down that if you're extremely worried and/or grieving that it's somehow improper to ingest some cooked food? And so-what if you're crying also. It's normal for human beings to cry! People are so quick to judge sometimes,,,
  17. Some of what I wrote in my last entry is garbage. Thats okay with me though. Making mistakes. inaccuracies, summarizing wrongly. It does matter and it doesn't matter. Never mind. If it doesn’t matter then I don’t mind. If it’s a question about mind over matter then it’s a sometimes but not always situation. Like pouring empty into the void which to me seems opposite to all and everything. Then does that constitute a matter over mind equation which is in essence a brain juxtaposed to mind consideration. Brain being more basic to mind similar to the analogy of what the body is to the Soul. What about the nucleus of an atom to the circling electrons? Seems like that is similar but much lower of an octave comparatively to a central star in a solar system that has orbiting planets. Theorizing that God is a collection of galactic clusters,,,,then perhaps a human being’s lifetime is a quark in the body of God, I'm pondering my unacknowledged fear of death as well. The death of the body is pretty much unescapable. for all of us. Although there are some glimmers of hope in the sciences with age reversal. There are so many advances nowadays in connection with A.I. Fell asleep last night editing on my phone. Got carried away with all that gibberish,,,, It’s cathartic somehow.
  18. @Thought Art Sciatic nerve is getting impinged? Maybe a hip is out just a little bit.. My hip used to go out from traveling long distances on the Interstate with my wallet continually pushing my hip and slowly wrecking my posture,
  19. Thoughts on shift between first tier and second tier of Spiral Dynamics map of Human worldviews or levels of consciousness. There seems to be an energized empathy at the green level which precedes the yellow level beginning the shift into the second level. It seems to me that people at the yellow level and above have emerged after being overwhelmed in a ‘dark night’ of sorts. They have died to parts of themselves that were constructed out of a naïve imagination which kept them in an all-knowing certainty devoid of the harsh realities that are at the basis of human survival in which a scarcity of resources mandates that a form of narcissistic competition must exist. This competition has a dominant theme which includes social acceptance through demonstrating wealth. Those who are not born into wealthy families and even those who are, are conditioned into the idea of getting a “higher education” with the promise of wisdom and success for those who make it through. From my perspective I see an eroding of common sense and in its place a construction of self importance based in part on the ability to confuse or intimidate others with an attitude of glib, erudite confidence. Otherwise known as the ability or capacity for successfully bullshiting others. The building of this capacity can also overtime put one through the meat grinder of higher education. So it’s not a this or that choice. It’s the half measures on the path of struggle which leaves people in cul-de-sacs of chronic depression or an overwhelmed apathy. Actualization is not solely for the educated. In part It’s about discovering and expressing in some way that uniqueness that is yours alone. Do you see a distinction between identifying with multiculturalism or relating with transcultural non attachment? One is an “ism” and the other one is not. It’s not the 3 letters of ism that cause a blind spot but rather the identifying with ————— fill in the blank. Pluralism, socialism, capitalism, monotheism, etc., I’ve digressed,,, As Gurdjieff put it- Identification is one of our worst foes. Going back now to being overwhelmed on the path, stalling out and just barely surviving day to day or week to week. A distinction was made by Abraham Maslow between “survival or deficiency needs” and what he referred to as “being needs”. The lower levels below 2nd tier are concerned mostly with deficiency needs; food, shelter, sex, social acceptance. He equated “being needs” with whatever you do that inspires you. It’s where a person works because of a selfish fulfillment, in a sense. Say that a someone works above and beyond what’s expected in order to finish a job. They are willing to endure tiredness and perhaps criticism from others in order to accomplish whatever it is that they are doing. That’s a path with heart as Castaneda phrased it. People who are confident and at peace are trustworthy. They know the difference between a neurotic state of mind juxtaposed to having inner quiet. They know that unbalanced or neurotic states of consciousness come and go with varying intensity. The same can be said of having inner quiet or as some Buddhists have defined wisdom as understanding silence. A distinction should be realized between unconstrained imagination and constrained imagination. Unconstrained imagination may be one of our worst enemies. It runs hand in hand with self deception. Also with either fear or hope. Trustworthy people are disciplined people for the most part. But not always. You can also find many disciplined people who are deceptive, devious and cunning, I guess,,, It’s almost a fad for people these days to be pointing out someone that they think are narcissistic. We are all narcissists to a degree. It just means being selfish or self absorbed to a degree that they are willing to actively step all over other people. I know someone who absolutely exhausts themselves trying to do the right thing while viewing themselves through the eyes of other people. There is little joy to be found there because the inner critic in them never lets them off the hook. Do something for others when you WANT to. There are times when you choose to help others when you really don’t want to but a sense of responsibility beyond that of self condemnation mandates that you do it. It is very important to take care of yourself and charge your own batteries. You can be of service to others more effectively when you are doing it from a place of exuberance and finding a selfish fulfillment while doing it. Helping others or doing a good job or creating something of quality or value pays an inner reward that speaks to your inner quiet. Writing this out on my phone has taken a little time and I’m ready to step off my soapbox. Good night.
  20. Transcultural diversity