Marc Schinkel

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About Marc Schinkel

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  • Birthday 10/12/1993

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  1. Leo's description of the infinite chains of causality (post retreat) reminded me of this beautiful scene from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: When we consider reality as this vast interconnected web of cause and effect rippling through all things from an infinite number of dimensions, it becomes easy to recognize that our very existence is "essential for the divine purpose of the universe to unfold" as Tolle says. It could be easy for the ego to grasp onto this and reinforce it's importance, but it could also be a doorway into the present moment for us to open. If we become engaged with the mundane minutia of our lives by contemplating how every action ripples throughout eternity, it becomes very easy to recognize how saturated our lives are with divinity. It's too much for the mind to grasp how Gautama Buddhas enlightenment and Hitlers rise to power are both integrally linked to me as I press these keys, in this exact way in this exact moment , and you reading the words I've strung together, wherever you are. We can begin to see washing the dishes or waiting in traffic to be holy acts of creation. I listened to Adyashanti's short book Healing the Core Wound of Unworthiness while I was working. It does a great job of pointing out how the fundamental belief that we are unworthy or inadequate keeps us entranced in the pursuit of perfection outside the reality of the present. "Perfection is the death of love" This belief of unworthiness is ultimately a fiction and this contemplation has helped me to overcome some of my doubts and resistances. I am not a perfect person; I feel deeply unworthy and unfit for the kingdom of heaven. As I have practiced more self honesty and reflection, I've realized that I have spent most of my life trying to prove my worth to myself and others, sometimes less than honorably. Recognizing that the simple fact of my existence and all my daily actions are the result of the eternal and infinite chains of events that came before me, and are essential for the universe to unfold for eternity after I go, I have become more open and receptive to grace and redemptive love.
  2. This made me chuckle.
  3. My Character Is Undefined I have been contemplating the importance of honesty in the pursuit of enlightenment for the last few weeks. It seems obvious that honesty is a prerequisite to truth but how can we practice honesty if we don't "know" what the truth is? I watched the movie Rango after I got back from my second attempt at this walk. The opening scene sent shudders down my spine when the armadillo calls out to Rango as he sets out into the desert. "We all have our journeys to make!" ... He then turns and breaks the fourth wall. It felt as though he was speaking directly to me. … "I will see you on the other side" Rango is a Chameleon who naturally lies to blend in to his surroundings. I realized then that the core theme of this movie is honesty and it's relationship to spiritual enlightenment, but it's nestled within a hero's journey quite well. I think it’s highly underrated. The saloon scene sets the tone for the rest of the movie where he lies about who he is to blend in with the townspeople. Rattlesnake Jake becomes the embodiment of that lie and is simultaneously the dragon that he must conquer to save the town of dirt. I think the animators did a beautiful job in rendering him, not only as a dragon but as a behemoth. I think his size relative to the all the people of the town neatly illustrates that lies are not only an individual dragon to conquer but are also a collective dragon. Rango must defeat Jake on his own, but Jake is the embodiment of more than Rango's lies; he represents the corruption of the state. This excerpt from one of Jordan Peterson's lectures on the biblical series has some interesting points about honesty and it's relationship to a healthy functioning individual, and that healthy functioning individuals comprising society are necessary to have a healthy functioning society. The pathologies of the world at large; climate change, rampant capitalist excess, poverty, war and the like are all the result of individuals who are unable to defeat this dragon and have shirked responsibility onto others. Maybe I am naive and embryonic in my assessment, but I think it would be true to say that we would have far fewer problems as a society if we didn't lie as much individually. The catch 22 is that because everyone lies, becoming someone who tells the truth is very dangerous for your survival. You are not simply facing your own lies, you are facing the collective as well. The sincerity journal has been very powerful for me and should theoretically be powerful for anyone who practices it. Ralston discusses the importance of honesty in the Book of Not Knowing, and Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton also makes references to the necessity of honesty to access being cognition. Not only is it necessary to access spiritual truth, but honesty is also essential to acquire and develop skill within the field of duality and relativity: A great quote from Eckhart Tolle's book The Power of Now holds a clue as to why this is the case: Absolute Truth can only be found in the present moment, and honesty is an attitude that brings you closer to the present. Dishonesty only exists in past or future. You can only form a lie by relating to the past or the future, you cannot do it by relating to the present. By practicing honesty you gradually change your experience of yourself and events as they have happened in time, and you change your relationship to them; you dissolve your past and begin to work with what IS. I have been an extreme chameleon throughout my life, as I'm sure most people have. I went to about 8 different schools in 3 different countries. In every new place I had to reconstitute and adapt to my surroundings. It was incredibly stressful for me, as every social system had it's own unwritten rules, contracts and hierarchies that I had to tease out and plug myself into. I don't like looking at all the ways I subtly lie and contort reality to serve my agenda. Most of it is happening completely unconsciously and I only realize after it is finished, but not always. Paying attention to those moments where I can choose honesty, at least with myself, will be golden opportunities for growth and transformation that shouldn't be missed. It's also important to recognize the behemoth for what it is. If it's operating unconsciously for me much of the time then it’s operating unconsciously for all others as well. While trying to conquer it in myself, I will inevitably stir the dragon to life in others. I didn't write in my sincerity journal last week, and I only finished one 10k run. I am experiencing some big inner conflicts now that it's getting close to the beginning. I am fighting with myself almost daily. How much of this is just a cry for validation? How much is authentic? Is this really who I am? Is this selfish? Is this pointless? Am I just setting out to bypass internalized shame about my identity in the world? What if I fail again? I will apply honesty to all these questions to the best of my ability. I have plans for Easter weekend and should be heading out shortly after that, but I haven't officially booked anything. I have been reading through a very old collection of Australian poems that I bought at an antique shop. The book was published in 1935! I think this one will make a fitting end to this entry. The Snake -- Vance Palmer (1885) I killed a snake this morning in the grass, A lovely, sinister thing of gleaming jet : I see it yet! Gliding across the place my feet would pass, In effortless motion, fluid as molten glass, Yet live as fire, and evilly aware Of all the magic in its jewelled stare, The founts of poison in its being set. I struck with savage force, and now it lies With small ants swarming round it's mangled head, Surely it's dead! Yet in the sunlight myriad shapes arise And flow in rhythm before my dazzled eyes ; Each black stick melts in curves, each tussock holds Its crimson belly and its shining folds, Till mind and sense recoil in nameless dread. Who dragged this creature from the nether streams And on an innocent world it's presence thrust? Its eyes hold lust And evil beyond man's darkest dreams ; Yet when it moves a baleful beauty gleams, The shy birds flutter and shriek, each lyric note Turned to a bat's cry In the quivering throat By this insidious dragon of the dust. O slender vial filled with poisoned wine! If all the subtle alchemy you hold To turn men cold Had been denied you in that first design, Would harmonies of form and colour, and line Fill all my being now with life intense? Or would I pass with unawakened sense A coloured worm that wriggled in the mould?
  4. @jjer94 It was mostly bevvy bravery tbh
  5. YEEEEESS! I love this movie too. It's a masterpiece. I love how a psychopathic hit-man can be in a heart-melt romance with a little girl and it all feels totally normal. Alt-J made a tribute song that is also quite good.
  6. @Charlotte Your journal makes me feel warm inside. You seem like a very brave person. Well done on conquering some fears on your trip! It looks like you had a grand time.
  7. No shame in this dude. We're all riddled with insecurities and cringe worthy details. I always thought personalities are what we build to survive childhood, nobody really has the right one, and we're all works in progress. I also have an ABBA complex thanks to mum.
  8. HAHAHA, maybe! I was one with the club.
  9. @Zigzag Idiot I thought I wouldn't be able to find this but it turns out Facebook is quite easy to search. About 5 years ago when I was getting more serious about meditating, but was still fundamentally a drunk teen, I decided to do a sds in the middle of one of Brisbane biggest nightclubs after I had had a few. People starting taking pics of me, dancing around me etc. after a couple of hours the bouncers threw me out. The next morning I found out that the DJ (Jordan Bale) had shared a pic on Facebook and then one of his friends 3ree6ixty, a semi-famous Australian rapper, had shared it on his Facebook page. (If you have Facebook you can see all the shares below) It was hilarious to read the comments.
  10. @jjer94 That's how you get 'em @Zigzag Idiot Damn! God has ISSUES. I don't know why I said this other than I just thought of it and it's related to memory. It's so nonsequitur that in rereading it, I sound like a smart ass but there was no intention like that. i was just being goofy and wanting to be funny. I really didn't think it was an issue but I just wanted to remove all doubt.
  11. Your journals are so beautiful! I can't wait to read more and I hope you can become more expressive. I have similar problems as well. 😊
  12. Not sure how to start this entry but I guess it's too late now, we're already about to start the second sentence. I was expecting my watch to arrive on Tuesday and I didn't want to run until then because I knew I would need a full tank to do a proper lactate threshold test. It didn't arrive until Wednesday, and I went out with my family to watch Danny Bhoy live that evening in Brisbane. It was surreal to get to see him in the flesh. When my family immigrated and we faced all the trials and tribulations surrounding that, we would watch DVD's of his specials every other weekend. The humor was a great band-aid to cover up the festering wounds, terror, culture shock and angst that pervaded our household. His jokes have become a subconscious second language to us and the intuitive understanding that we all had about it's real purpose made everything that much funnier in a very dark sort of way. I knew comedians had power, but I had no idea how much until I was sat there in the audience watching him cover important topics like climate change, racism, the Christchurch massacre, gender issues and the latest fart jokes out of Scotland. Everyone in the audience felt like his best friend and the fact that it was live magnified the intensity of everything. In the same way that live music is often better, it's not even remotely the same on a DVD. Went out on Thursday guns blazing, using two different apps to track my run and get my lactate threshold heart rate according to the default zones that came with my device I have been absolutely redlining every single run… I found out my LTHR is ~181bpm without caffeine when it's about 30C. I plugged that value into this online calculator and got my zones. Then I did 2 10k's in zone 2 for the weekend. I felt absolutely amazing throughout each one. I could breathe easily and there was virtually no pain. My pace was also quite slow so I could infuse my body with much more awareness and consciously try to improve different aspects of my running form. My sincerity journal habit has been delivering the best results of all my habits so far. I have simply been handwriting into a cheap notebook I bought every evening and then putting it away without rereading it until the end of the week. I periodically go back and reread what I had written a few days later and the information is astonishing. I need to trust myself a lot more. I will hold off on posting ALL my personal insights from this sincerity journal here not only for my privacy but for the privacy of the people in my life too. One of the realizations I had was that I am a little bit nervous about having all my personal details on this forum for the world to see. Even though nobody really cares and people are generally good and trustworthy, it still makes me a bit uncomfortable. I really want deeper connections with people. Even though I don't really know what that means, I know I want it. I have been suppressing my desire for connection because of beliefs and concepts that I cling to about loneliness and ego in relation to spiritual work. I have been avoiding socializing with most of my old friends because I have beliefs that I need to be separate from everybody to do deep consciousness work and that they are just distractions. There is no evidence that this is true in my direct experience. After watching this video I contemplated that if loneliness is worse for your health than smoking a pack of cigarettes per day, then socializing with friends who drink alcohol, smoke and eat crappy food is technically healthier for me that remaining alone all the time. The insight into Vipassana meditation purifying the subconscious craving and aversion patterns that I grokked is a much bigger deal than I care to admit. I often overlook the simple cliched spiritual insights because everyone already knows them. I want to know all the new cutting edge super advanced insights that the noobs have never heard of to serve my growing spiritual ego and make me feel like I'm better than everyone. Deep down I know the simple teachings are the most powerful and will bear the richest fruits in my life. I feel ashamed to still be living in and out of my parents place at my age and not having my career track locked down. I didn't care at all in the beginning because I was just doing spiritual work and enjoying myself, then when I felt people judging me it became unhealthy for me because then my identity started to DEPEND on my spiritual practice; perfect breeding ground for a titanium spiritual ego that needs the latest and greatest spiritual insights to sound smart at dinner parties, dig in, avoid the world, bypass, get defensive, reinforce itself etc. I subtly ignore my grandmother because I have no idea how to relate to her anymore and I know it hurts her a bit. I learnt through reading the five love languages that her love language is acts of service and I could do more acts of service for her to show her that I care about her. I think making an effort is all that really counts.
  13. No problem dude. Loving the self expression here. My health is great, and my diet is fine. I have low blood pressure naturally. It's probably just the result of decades of ennui. They wouldn't let me leave until I ate something. I decided a Popsicle would be safer than the cheap AF buffet on offer. Quite true, but I heard in Russia cat = dog Is this also the case in Republic of Moldova?? Forgive my ignorance. I did not know your country existed until yesterday.
  14. @Zigzag Idiot @Privet Yes! ... still got it.