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About EmptyInside

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  1. @Shin It happens sometimes but good question. @mandyjw That's great advice. I think you're right about that. I did get a text today from my new boss with a start date of June 10th. I think the mini-Limbo phase has been painting my outlook with a little more than a touch of grey. Feels like it's starting to clear. Ready for a new adventure.
  2. @Leo Gura Thanks man. I try to remember that. Seems to be a few days here and a few days there. Feeling better today. @Ar_Senses Thanks for the kind words. I'm truly grateful.
  3. Dammit. It comes and it goes but it's back. Many changes are underway right now in my life. I hurled myself into the abyss but so far I haven't discovered it's a feather bed yet. Lol. So Leo's last 2 videos have been very helpful. Life does happen in chapters or phases. Seems one is ending and a new one is beginning. My current job is no longer giving me inspiration. There is no meaning or purpose to be derived there anymore. That video really helped me face the truth. I'm basically on the hamster wheel again and have been deceiving myself by constantly reframing it and telling myself that the pros outweigh the cons. They don't. It has become very monotonous. I have basically become an adult babysitter for people who constantly bicker and complain. It doesn't resemble "recovery" in any way. I had an interview last week with another company and the interview seemed to go well. I got a call back that same day and they verbally offered me the job. Now I have jumped through all of the pre-hire hoops and am just waiting on the offer letter to put in my 2 week notice at my current job. So I'm caught in that "limbo" phase. It's getting harder to connect with people. There is very little depth in any of my circles. It feels shallow. I've been spending quite a bit of time in solitude. I guess I'm in a bit of pessimistic mindset right now. I'm working on that. I've been here before. I'll be here again. Just venting a little bit. Thanks for listening.
  4. @andyjohnsonman I didn't take notes but I'm watching it again for the second time. It's an incredible video. "What important questions are not being asked in this situation?" and the segment that follows is top notch.
  5. @Swagala I feel you. I have been suicidal myself in the past. "Enlightenment" will not solve your problems. Building your "Emotional intelligence" can help but it takes practice. The last sentence of your post is very telling: This is not a criticism because I can totally relate with how you feel. Looking back into my own experience, almost 100% of my suicidal thoughts were related to my being crippled or paralyzed by the opinions of others. I was consumed with fear over what others thought about me. That was one of the root issues for me. That was the main cause of my suicidal thoughts. It took a great deal of self-reflection, emotional labor, and practice to begin to overcome that fear. Practice not giving a fuck about what other people think about you. Not in an arrogant way, but in a "I'm good enough for me and that's good enough" kind of way. That's probably the closest thing to a magic pill you'll find. There's a little more to it than that but that would be a good start. I would also suggest doing some serious self-reflection and looking for thought patterns linked with feelings of guilt, shame, and/or regret. These 3 emotions are toxic to the soul but it takes a great deal of emotional labor to process and work through them. Very few people, "Enlightened" or not, ever develop the ability to do this.
  6. @Nahm Right as rain.
  7. @mandyjw I can understand your perspective. Helpful. Thank you for sharing.
  8. @SaWaSaurus Same here. He was truly gifted in so many ways. One of the things I love most about Terence is that he didn't just preach open-mindedness, he gracefully embodied it. Thank you for sharing the video. I'm listening to it now.
  9. This thread is hilarious. Lmfao
  10. The struggle is real. When I see people stuck in "paralysis by analysis", my first instinct is to feel bad for them. I know what it feels like. It's a trap that I could fall back into at any time. I know they have to go through it to get further along. Still, it's painful to watch if I allow myself to view it through that lens. I saw this quote recently and it hit me right in the soul: "Empathy without boundaries is self destruction." Is it not? I have learned this lesson pretty well at my job. Feeling sorry for people does not help them and it hurts me, and I'm working with many who are stuck in learned helplessness mode. Some aren't, but many are. Others are low functioning on a cognitive level. The irony is that many who are high functioning on a cognitive level are just as stuck, if not more so. And to be honest, not all of those who are low functioning cognitively are what I would consider stuck. Some are blissfully ignorant and maybe that's not such a bad thing. Intellect can be an Achilles heel. I preach simplicity, but am I always practicing what I preach? No. I have a very analytical mind. But I do find that my most peaceful and blissful moments are those when I have simplified my thinking. It's a total paradox because simplifying is an incredibly complex process especially for those of us whose minds love to churn away at infinite possibilities. Pumping the brakes is essential for me. It's a balance. A very delicate balance, but one in which the less I think about it, the easier it flows. So I laugh. Not in a condescending or cruel way, but in a "Wow, that's what I looked like?" kind of way. Arguing and debating. The need to "be right". Thinking I was better, smarter, and more "enlightened" than everyone else. Absolutely certain of my views/beliefs while hurling condescending comments about how open-minded I was and how I had transcended my ego at anyone who disagreed with whatever I said. Lol.
  11. Would be nice.