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About selfvalley

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  1. Thank you to everyone that shared their insight. I look forward to become more nice to people even if they attack me or want to bring me down because I've felt that attacking back will not make things better but just give me short pleasure while creating even more hate between me and them. I will continue to contemplate this.
  2. What should be my motive for having a mindset to not give hate back? I started changing as a person very noticably in terms of personality and looks and I feel like everyone around me including friends and family are just judging me or even insulting me for changing my looks and habits. I wanna be kinder to others but how can I do it when people just bring me down in this way and I get this urge to just tell them to "fuck off" or just insult them back and I'm holding it back but it feels like the anger in me towards that person just keeps staying in me and on the outside I just act that I'm unfazed.
  3. @Michael569 Hey Michael, I want to thank you for publishing your free e-books as they really really inspired me to change the way I view food and I've felt the effects of eating better almost immediately! My life has improved in many ways and after picking up some habits from your books I get better sleep than ever. I could tell how passionate you are in this sector just by reading the books and that seriously inspired me to pick up on some good habits and get a grip on life! I wish you the best!
  4. I personally struggle very hard to accept this. I feel like I cannot understand how to do what Leo says here even though when I try to think about it it makes perfect sense that this practice would be the solution I just can't even imagine to be "happy for her dating somebody else", the thought of it sounds painful and not logical for me and I don't know why... Why do you guys think that this would be hard for me to accept? When I'm outside of any contact or relationship with a girl I feel like I love myself, have hobbies, exercise etc... Whenever I start dating I learn how insecure I am...
  5. In this post I had a short paragraph about my childhood but I deleted it because I thought the post would be too long to read. Anyways, I had it written in a word document and here is the paragraph: Today I tried doing some research around childhood trauma because I thought maybe I have some underlying traumas as a child but as much as I can remember I was grown in an ideal envoriment where I was loved and looked after. But there was one particular memory from my childhood that I recalled while being drenched in that sorrow and it was a memory where my mother would not let me get close to her or hug her when I did something wrong as a child. I just recalled those memories in that moment and it made me cry even more it made me scream. I had smoked some weed and maybe that might’ve triggered it because this was kinda a forgotten memory for me... But it's interesting because I recalled those memories just after the girl left. Keep in mind that this girl is just a booty call for me, I don't really resonate with her energy I was just going for a regular hookup but I still get unexplainably hurt... It feels good that I finally found someone that can relate... But anyways I think I had a pretty good childhood, my parent's relationship was good and I think I was well looked after. Maybe my mom's ways of punishment went too far sometimes idk... I was also getting beaten as a child alot but never to the extremes, I was told that a litle beating is a good way to teach and raise me to understand what I should and shouldn't do... Also why has this never happend with a very good friend when they leave after we're hanging out? I often ask that question and I can't answer it to myself
  6. I am experiencing something that I struggle to identify and understand what it is and where is it coming from. I've been searching everywhere for a forum or a video that I can relate to, I can't find anything, and I feel extremely depressed. I'll describe it as well as I can. When I don't date or hook up with other girls, I am able to focus on my life, do stuff and improve without feeling like I need a romatic partner beside me. But when I start going into that game of dating and hooking up I get severe emotional distress, depression and cry for hours on end. The problem is that whenever someone asks me why I feel this way I just cannot answer it and I feel even worse. I know that thoughts are what lead to emotions but when I try contemplate for hours on why I feel that way after going out with a girl it feels like I have a brick in my head. I hooked up with a girl a week ago and while we were kissing and cuddling it felt amazing but when I get home I think about the experience a lot and cry but I can't understand why I'm crying. Yesterday, I hooked up with her again and all her friends and my friends were together hanging out. My mood starts detoriating as soon as the girl does things like checking her phone all the time because she had to go, or seeming uninterested in intimacy (unlike me) and what hurt the most was when she left. When a girl leaves earlier than I expect I feel extremely upset and dating very quickly starts to seem pointless to me. Then a minute passed after they left and I start bawling my eyes out, rolling on the floor shaking, heavy breathing and I just could not stop, everyone was trying to snap me out of it but I just couldn't. This overreaction is probably because we smoked some weed and drank quite a bit earlier but I've previously had similar reactions while sober. In my previous long term relationships, what I’ve also noticed that 99% of the time I would get home after hanging out with my girlfriend I would feel unexplainably upset and just stare at the wall, couldn’t understand the thought process that’s going on in my head and why I’m behaving like such a baby. 99% of the time when I get home I feel like my batteries are drained and I get this craving for solitude and hiking mountains alone to somehow “recharge”. Another thing is going on first dates and realizing the person is boring, the day on the date I would feel like on top of the world, doing kind things to people dancing to music alone just literally feeling like I’m on some hard drug and then when I go on the date and realize the person is boring I go home and cry with hours along with a depressive episode that lasts a week or more... I love intimacy, love the feeling when I just lay back and cuddle with a girl but it just simply never feels enough and I never feel satisfied afterwards no matter how good the date went. And I do have hobbies, workout 6 days a week and feel pretty amazing but when I start dating and hooking up it seems like it is a double edged sword for me… What can I do to be more stable when it comes to dating and intimacy? I want to know what do I need to work on whether it’s self love or something else, I would love to hear what you guys on this forum think? Thank you.