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About Iiris

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  • Birthday 07/24/2001

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  1. I have a flu. Liquid is constantly bleeding from my right eye and nostril, not epic. And my voice is super duper low. I'm ashamed to speak : D Maybe it was a mistake to sing in the morning, jesus Thanks to the new subforum about recourses I found out that some universities actually teach spirituality. I've never been this excited about formal education. At least some of them cost quite a lot of money tho. Here university education is free, but I didn't find anything like that in my country. Now I'm even more confused about what the heck I'm going to do. I could ask the student counsellor about this, but she probably doesn't know shit about conscious universities. I could ask her anyway and make her feel shitty about her professional ability. Probably I can get some help at least. I'm still stressing about my goddamn grades Not really anything else here. I just made a phone call and it was easier than usual even though I sound like a goblin. Maybe I am progressing I've been thinking about ending this journal and maybe starting a new one when/if I feel like it, but I'm not sure. I like writing here but also I'm a little too attached maybe. Plus I don't like to look at my earlier posts at all : D A few days earlier I wanted to end this but now I actually don't, Idk. I'll keep on going for now
  2. Heavenly experience listening to this
  3. vittusaatana perkele etc Yay someone noticed : P That sounds rough. Someone actually played me Jethro Tull the New Year's eve I started this journal, I absolutely loved their style. Too bad I didn't listen to them more. I think I'm going to now
  4. @roopepa You’re from Finland too that’s cool. Thanks for reminding me of all that important stuff
  5. School started agaain and it wasn’t as bad as I though it would be. There’s too many people though and I feel like everyone is staring at me. Felt nice to talk to some people I watched Leo’s video about not giving a fuck again. I’m trying to seriously implement it this time. I’m glad there’s no Starbucks near by though. The technique only works at Starbucks right. I’m going to say the affirmation and be mindful atleast. Probably figure out something uncomfortable to do One of the rare things I want myself to do and also want to do is playing and singing. Jesus I love it. I was just playing and singing some songs and I loved it so much I started fucking laughing. Lovely song to sing I should’ve put this video of him here
  6. This makes me want to let go
  7. My legs are dead. Dead dead dead. I can barely walk in the bathroom of this hotel room. I have never appreciated being in hotel more. I love this bed and this bed loves me. Today my legs started shaking, but I still walked through a few mountains after that I underestimated everything, the difficulty and the beauty. Look at this. I didn’t know Finland has this.
  8. Loved that, thanks That’s what I wanted you all to know I’m in this tent again. Biggest thing I’ve learned so far is that four nights is a lot more than one night
  9. Right?! Makes me angry
  10. I didn’t no worries 😄 ❤️ Thank youu ❤️
  11. Thanks for making me regret that post less That's true. He did what we secretly want to do but are too afraid, and that's quite inspiring Probably this gets easier when I move out of here I just had an amazing evening. I played to the kids with the band and god, I felt free and happy. Like sometimes I feel stuck when I play guitar, like I have to force everything. When I play live I feel the opposite of that. My solos were on point. I didn't force them like I sometimes do, and I loved playing them, and it sounded beautiful and I loved it. And some random kid told me we were really good. The singer was like "I wish I could go to a bar with some of you but you're underage" and I was like "I just turned 18" and then we decided that we'll go to a bar. It wasn't almost awkward at all, even when we were sober. I'm suprisingly open when I'm with only one person and when I have no option but talk with them. We went to see some band at a bar that covered Jimi Hendrix and Stevie Ray Vaughan songs and that was like the second best thing after actual Stevie Ray Vaughan and Jimi Hendrix. Then we went to another bar and some local band played there. Before they started playing we were just talking about stuff and it was easy, maybe alcohol helped. I was just telling her that I have no real friends and it felt so good to tell that, I wasn't ashamed at all. When we left that place my chemistry teacher came to talk with us and he was absolutely wasted. When he left we laughed our asses off. I coudn't breathe. I was drunk enough to say her that we need to gs ao to some concert or music festival together and she was like yes and told that she hasn't had this much fun in a long time. I've lost all my good friendships because I've been too afraid to be in contact with those people and ask them to hang out with me. I've thought that I will just dissappoint them if I see them again, and it's better to keep the good impression that I have given. This is not going to end for the same reason. And tomorrow I will wake up at 8 am and start the great adventure, the battle for survival. What the hell am I about to do loll. I'll tell you how it went after six days SRV is my biggest inspiration in guitar. Look at that amazing shit '
  12. My latest post is pretty stupid and I regret it I’m playing to 12-year-olds tomorrow. I’m somewhat anxious about it. Deep Purple played at the same stage last year so that’s pretty cool I’m worrying more about my upcoming hiking adventure in Lapland. I’m still not over the hell that I went trough in the woods some time ago hehe. Now it’s four nights and I have no escape. Send me strenght. I like hiking. I just don’t like sleeping cold and uncomfortable. Why am I complaining about everything in my life : D I noticed some time ago that I can’t look my dad in the eyes for longer than a sec. And when I do look at him I can’t keep my face straight. I have to lift my eyebrows and corners of my mouth and make this face. I can look at random people when I speak to them or listen to them but not my dad. Just shows how fucked up our relationship is My amount of motivation is waving. I was reading huge amounts of biology and meditating and all that for many days straight, then one night I coudn’t keep on going anymore and I watched baby orangutan videos until morning. Then the next day I was tired and felt lazy, and the next day and the next day which is today. It could be easier to accept my laziness if the day that defines my future (baccalaureate whatafuckingword) woudn’t be getting closer and closer while I’m not preparing for it I can’t spam the inspirational songs and music thread anymore. I love this song, it makes me happy and sad I’ve just been writing some shit in this journal for over half a year with no progress : D Oh god. Maybe I have some progress. Definitely not enough to clearly notice. But I have a new strategy now. I put clear, reachable goals for me in every social situation. It has made me hate myself less after those situations. And it probably helps me progress more. It makes me feel like I’m actually getting better
  13. Someone has released my authentic self